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These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.

(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun October 11, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(The Consumerist) Cool Upside to the recession? Flight delays have gotten better  (consumerist.com) (50)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: What the hell?  (urbandictionary.com) (75)
(Daily Mail) Asinine If an organ donor gives you his lungs for an emergency transplant, make sure the lungs aren't from Denis Leary  (dailymail.co.uk) (110)
(Oregon Live) Obvious As if you needed another reason to hate Verizon  (blog.oregonlive.com) (193)
(Japan Times) Weird Japan steps up anti-groping police patrols, announces more severe monitoring of groping how-to websites and chatrooms. In other news, Japan has groping how-to websites and chatrooms  (search.japantimes.co.jp) (151)
(Daily Global) Interesting New textual analysis of the Hebrew in Genesis suggests God did create humans and animals, but not the Earth itself. Creationists mutter something about a cunning linguist  (dailyglobal.com) (401)
(Some Guy) Fail "Alexander Hamilton served as president, the Superior Court is California's highest court, and citizens 'must' vote."  (dailybreeze.com) (72)
(Some Guy) Scary Standard issue US weapon is failing at the worst possible times in combat. This is not a repeat from 1969  (apnews.myway.com) (465)
(ABC News) Asinine Why were dinosaurs so strange? It's not news--it's the systematic dismantling of critical thinking  (abcnews.go.com) (100)
(Telegraph) Obvious Gold hitting $1,500? It's less likely than you think  (telegraph.co.uk) (132)
(Time) Interesting Barnes & Noble, Sony aren't the only ones who are giving an Amazon a run for e-reader money, lack of digital Orwell  (time.com) (82)
(Google) Interesting Prison time is rare for looters of rare artifacts. Face melting, head explosions are rarer still  (google.com) (43)
(Examiner) Obvious Colorado's Columbus Day Parade has become a wank-fest for stubborn Italians, self-righteous protesters, and police collecting overtime. No one else cares  (examiner.com) (54)
(Reuters) Dumbass FCC unclear on concept that some local telephone companies still charge a surcharge for service, and that its own rules allow this, and it would be stupid to expect Google to pick up the surcharge for a free service  (in.reuters.com) (56)
(CNN) Amusing Subby dares you to read this entire article without once mocking the author's hideous toupelmet  (cnn.com) (52)
(The New York Times) Cool Japanese learn English by quoting Obama, much as Americans have learned Japanese by quoting hentai. Desu desu desu  (nytimes.com) (122)
(TBO) Sad Instead of focusing on his historical greatness, young students in America are being taught the darker side of Christopher Columbus. "We talked about how he was very, very mean, very bossy."  (www2.tbo.com) (361)
(News and Star) Cool Boy brings his champion pedigree pet to "bring your pet to school" day. A 1-ton bull. (Pic)  (newsandstar.co.uk) (30)
(Guardian.com) Sappy Pigeon falls in love with golfer who saved his life. Lovely plumage, eh?  (kingstonguardian.co.uk) (16)
(TBO) Florida Forget terrorists, illegal immigrants, or Russians. US Army base has its hands full fighting off invading bears. "We think it's six adult bears that are actively hitting the trash cans."  (www2.tbo.com) (41)
(Las Vegas Review Journal) Unlikely Police departments consider asking officers to obey speed limits  (lvrj.com) (76)
(Newsweek) Asinine This week on "Not Understanding How The Internet Works" we feature the rantings of Rupert Murdoch as he complains about Google and 'aggregators' sending people to his sites  (blog.newsweek.com) (89)
(TBO) Florida Family shocked after their son was injured taking a picture from the top of a power pole. Say he's a spark in their life and are holding out a flicker of hope he'll recover despite his current prognosis  (www2.tbo.com) (86)
(Fox News) Obvious Good afternoon, Ric Romero reporting from Denver. Breaking news: Columbine killers mother had no clue her son suicidal. More in 2029  (foxnews.com) (70)
(Nola.com) Interesting Quite possibly, the best coloring book review ever  (nola.com) (24)
(Sun Journal (Maine)) Amusing Here's to you, Mr. Carrying-My-Wife-To-Win-Bud-Light. You ran hard, beat the competition, and still only walked away with a crappy beer. You are a real American hero  (sunjournal.com) (31)
(englishrussia.com) Interesting Group rope jumping. Difficulty: Off a railroad bridge, as a train approaches, over a frozen river, in Russia  (englishrussia.com) (33)
(TechEBlog) Cool April Fools joke becomes reality... and the perfect gift for that young Star Wars fan on your holiday shopping list  (techeblog.com) (80)
(Telegram) Photoshop Photoshop these marshmallows  (telegram.com) (35)
(Toledo Blade) Obvious Business owner wants to offer beer delivery service to college students. Surprisingly, so many people have a problem with this that the owner cancels the service hours before it was to begin  (toledoblade.com) (66)
(Newsday) Silly Phony fortune teller scams teen. Legitimate fortune tellers everywhere can't believe it. Didn't see this coming  (newsday.com) (32)
(MaineToday.com) Obvious The idea that a crematorium is opening next door really burns up this 74 year-old woman. Or at least it will soon enough  T-Shirt  (morningsentinel.mainetoday.com) (33)
(The New York Times) Obvious Twins are alien, disease ridden, expensive, frail, evil beings resulting from science consorting with the devil. Twins threaten the nation. Twins must be stopped except for the hot lesbian and gay kind  (nytimes.com) (176)
(News Of The World) Fail Official: After 11 years of edumakshun them English white boys is all dum, and that and can't reid or rite proper, guv'nor  (newsoftheworld.co.uk) (56)
(some Berlusconi) Amusing Silvio likes black panties... and something about overcharging tourists for food, but you already clicked on the link, didn't you? (slightly Not safe for work)  (gadling.com) (52)
(Ohio.com) Weird Article: chainsaw carved art is challenging, fun and sometimes remarkably beautiful. Photo: dude with a crossbow  (ohio.com) (26)
(AZCentral) Asinine Man wrongly jailed for a week gets released and given a free lunch and bus ticket home. That should make everything alright, right?  (azcentral.com) (75)
(Anthony Gatto) Spiffy Of course, this doesn't mean that everyone should go out and start juggling to improve their brains. But really, what does it hurt?  (msrc.co.uk) (28)
(Pocono Record) Weird Animal neglect reported: Cows watching TV in the living room (video and pics)  (poconorecord.com) (18)
(BBC) Amusing "You know it cannot have been a good night when you get into a fight with Spider-Man and two cross-dressing men."  (news.bbc.co.uk) (22)
(Albany Times Union) Interesting In New York it is no longer legal to have live fish chew on your feet  (timesunion.com) (53)
(Some Guy) Strange Stolen Pollock story sounds fishy. It's dripping with lies, and splattered with inconsistencies  (santacruzsentinel.com) (24)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this couple and their compact car  (shorpy.com) (29)
(Fox News) Florida Man strangles pet rat after fight over last cigarette. Pet cat immediately quits smoking  (foxnews.com) (43)
(dispatch) Cool Hotdogging hottie relishes dream job driving Wienermobile. "You don't sneak into town in a 27-foot hot dog,"  (dispatch.com) (73)
(Huffington Post) Amusing If Joe Biden and Prince Philip had a kid, it would be the best sound bite generator EVER  (huffingtonpost.com) (49)
(Fox News) Sad Bus carrying Utah high school band crashes, killing instructor. Victim's name withheld pending notification of his widows  (foxnews.com) (52)
(Yahoo) Followup Obama reaffirms end to 'don't ask, don't tell'. Don't ask when he'll end it and he won't tell  (news.yahoo.com) (478)
(News.com.au) Asinine Nurses no longer allowed to help paralysed, dying man smoke. Now only remaining pleasure in his life is daily spongebath with "happy ending"  (themercury.com.au) (106)
(Daily Mail) Amusing "We would say every teacher owns a Porsche, the average age of teachers is 105, everybody's religion is Russian Orthodox."  (dailymail.co.uk) (63)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this downward drive  (de.img.seen.by) (33)

Sat October 10, 2009
(Daily Express) Dumbass Finally, conclusive proof of the evidence of Photoshop  (express.co.uk) (146)
(Gawker) Weird Peggy Noonan while leading a "study group" at Harvard, whatever the hell that is: "You have to let your freak flag fly." Tag is because we don't have a Drunk tag. Hey, why don't we have a Drunk tag?  (gawker.com) (80)
(Komo) Stupid Movement beginning to end the number of smoking bans across the U.S. With a picture of what a smoker might look like  (komonews.com) (310)
(Daily Express) Interesting It's rare to find a headline that every man alive disagrees with (...)  (express.co.uk) (532)
(London Times) Hero Man who received $16,000 reward for helping catch rapist gives all the money to the victim. Subby has something in his eye  (timesonline.co.uk) (149)
(DefenseLink) Ironic News: The Navy is honoring a Civil Rights leader by naming a ship after him. Fark: The ship's role it to carry around supplies for other ships. Yay, Progress?  (defenselink.mil) (98)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this brain wave display  (radlab.com) (51)
(Gizmodo) Stupid No that tattoo doesn't make you look cool, it makes you look stupid  (gizmodo.com) (482)
(Gadling) Amusing At the "Mystery Café" you get whatever the person before you ordered. Your order goes to the person after you. What could possibly go wrong?  (gadling.com) (138)
(Canada.com) Silly Canadian pundits debate whether "public purse surrogacy" (a man holding his woman's purse in public) is emasculating  (canada.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Interesting This just in, 49% of Americans are cavemen  (365gay.com) (192)
(ABA Journal) Asinine New York cuts off unemployment benefits for woman who reported $1.30 a day in advertising income from her blog  (abajournal.com) (87)
(Reuters) Obvious What's killing Australian men? (a) stingrays; (b) skin cancer; (c) excess beach bravado  (in.reuters.com) (65)
(Philly) Interesting Convicted sex offender sues state, claiming his arrest for attending a church with a daycare restricts his First Amendment rights, dating opportunities  T-Shirt  (philly.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ah, yes... dumpster diving made chic  (urlesque.com) (30)
(Miami Herald) Florida Car crashes into stolen truck and boat killing 2, bystander seen screaming hysterically fleeing the scene, marijuana found on side of road along with 3 bags containing a white, powdery substance or as we call it here, Friday morning in Miami  (miamiherald.com) (37)
(WorldNetDaily) Stupid In case anyone did not know what is causing the ammo shortage, well, here it is  (wnd.com) (454)
(PhysOrg.com) Stupid Anti-swine flu business suit  (physorg.com) (13)
(Chicago Tribune) Strange Someone got fired for having sex on Oprah's private jet and is suing for wrongful termination. Thankfully, it wasn't Winfrey, just a flight attendant  (chicagotribune.com) (62)
(Inquisitr) Stupid As if people carrying around tiny dogs weren't annoying enough, the Brits are working on carrying around tiny, flu-infested pigs  (inquisitr.com) (30)
(Telegraph) Spiffy Winos rejoice: 2009 Bordeaux the best in 60 years. Sophisticated, with a piquant undertone of snobbery and a delightful hint of condescension  (telegraph.co.uk) (81)
(Product Reviews) Stupid It's October, so here's your annual doctor's warning about how carving pumpkins causes horrible "finger lacerations" which "change a person's life forever." Guess they haven't heard of band-aids  (product-reviews.net) (68)
(Some Guy) Asinine Finally, a case of library censorship that may be warranted  (delmarvanow.com) (247)
(VillageSoup.com) Amusing Maine man builds a KITT car. The geek is strong in this one, Michael  (knox.villagesoup.com) (73)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: Size - 35px by 200px  (fark.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Obvious "If you think that it's the lack of recreational facilities and entertainment options that have made you an anti-social, overbearing, overweight semi-alcoholic then think again. Life is always what you make it"  (stabroeknews.com) (60)
(Il Sussidiaro) Interesting This Sunday, the Pope will canonize five new saints, including one from Hawaii. Wait, what? After only eight months in office?  T-Shirt  (ilsussidiario.net) (105)
(Yahoo) Obvious Revenue agents sieze 1,000 gallons of moonshine in North Carolina mountains, a development expected to cut the state's GDP in half this year  (news.yahoo.com) (52)
(New York Daily News) Strange Your mom takes away your cell phone. Do you, a) kick her in the throat, b) head-butt your brother, c) punch and bite your dad, or d) all of the above?  (nydailynews.com) (90)
(Mirror.co.uk) Asinine Store won't let 14-year-old carry bag containing mom's wine. Just in case alcohol magically seeps through glass, paper or plastic and skin to enter his bloodstream, you know  (mirror.co.uk) (142)
(Toronto Star) Cool 10 things you didn't know aboot Canada, eh?  (thestar.com) (160)
(Some Bacon Loving Guy) Cool You had me at Bacon  (delish.com) (30)
(Saturday Nation) Interesting I now pronounce you man and wife and wife and wife and wife  (nation.co.ke) (55)
(Post-Tribune) Scary "Sometimes evil does come in pretty, petite packages"  (post-trib.com) (122)
(Examiner) Spiffy Your awww... moment of the day is brought to you by a little black kitteh who nursed and cared for a 24 hour old Chihuahua puppy after the dog's mother died in labor. With a cute captionable pic of kitty and puppy just in time for Caturday  (examiner.com) (1136)
(TheDay) Amusing Feuding with your neighbor? Court rules it's perfectly legal to put up a 100 square foot sign that reads "F U"  (theday.com) (43)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Students are being given free alcohol if they agree to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, which is probably what got them those diseases in the first place  (dailymail.co.uk) (26)
(BBC) Sad United Nations plane crash leaves 11 dead, food for the whole village  T-Shirt  (news.bbc.co.uk) (49)
(Baltimore Sun) PSA The Baltimore Sun kindly shows you where you may get shot along the city's marathon route this weekend  (baltimoresun.com) (30)
(Some Guy) Asinine Rarely do you see the phrase "rogue school bus driver" but this is one of those times  (wbaltv.com) (19)
(Some Guy) Sad Duck season Wabbit season Duck season Wa...BLAM  (ktvz.com) (26)
(UPI) Dumbass Man arrested for DUI after he drives his riding mower to Jack In The Box for a snack  (upi.com) (24)
(JSOnline) Dumbass Woman strips, kicks cop in groin and in another cop's mouth to avoid arrest. Bonus ass-pressing against squad car window as she's hauled away  (jsonline.com) (61)
(Miaoli, Taiwan) Photoshop Photoshop this reservoir drain  (my-expressions.com) (29)
(YouTube) Strange Bizarre cloud spotted yesterday over Moscow. Your dog wants a fallout shelter  (youtube.com) (85)
(News.com.au) Sad U.S. school children to visiting Australian Deputy Prime Minister: "Do you speak English?"  (news.com.au) (155)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Turns out, vegetable cookie cutter for kids sold at local Christian bookstore might also be perfect for bachelorette parties (with pics)  (consumerist.com) (86)
(Telegraph) Sad Obit of the month: "He was in the habit of mowing the lawn in the middle of the night, wearing only long johns or even - in clement weather - nothing at all, guided by the light of a torch fixed to the front of the mower."  (telegraph.co.uk) (53)

Fri October 09, 2009
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Traffic jams, if they're managed well, can actually be good for the environment. They maintain a level of frustration that turns drivers into subway riders or pedestrians  (online.wsj.com) (62)
(SFGate) Interesting Since 2004, inmates in a California jail have flushed down clothes, linen, plastic bags and toothbrushes down toilets, creating $2.3 million in damages. The real crime is that taxpayers have to foot the bill  (sfgate.com) (103)
(Yahoo) Interesting Highway deaths at record low in first half of 2009 thanks to submitter doing you all a favor by driving slow in the left lane, personally enforcing speed limit regulations  (fe2.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (400)
(New Zealand Herald) Strange Stolen lung returned, victim breathes easier  (nzherald.co.nz) (26)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary Your brain has a neuron set aside specifically for Rosie O'Donnell. Sorry about that  (online.wsj.com) (48)
(Fox News) Sick SUPERPOKE  (fox43.com) (117)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TSGs mug shot round up starts off with the Fark theme song  (thesmokinggun.com) (225)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these heads for sale  (spiegel.de) (53)
(SLTrib) Amusing Hey nurse, you mind if I cop a feel while you're delivering my kid?  (sltrib.com) (121)
(Arizona Star) Followup In memoriam: GeekyGimp  (azstarnet.com) (142)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Travel magazine paints Chicagoans as mean and dumb. Oh yeah? Well FARK YOU, man. Why don't you just go travel to Austria, with the friggin' kangaroos and leaning towers and all that?  (chicagotribune.com) (156)
(Some Guy) Cool Next generation of clown car rolls off assembly line  (usmagazine.com) (259)
(Some Superhero) Hero SuperHero Smackdown QuarterFinals: Batman vs The Hulk  (thecorrectness.com) (294)
(Some Guy) Cool Happy Leif Erikson day, let us pillage and rape like its 1003  (whitehouse.gov) (186)
(BBC) Scary CERN researcher arrested for links to al Qaeda and possible plot to destroy the Earth  (news.bbc.co.uk) (119)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida "When he went to his sister to tell her everything was okay, she noticed blood coming out of his pants."  (blogs.tampabay.com) (98)
(Some Guy) Ironic Firefighters catch fire during sprinkler demonstration (with video)  (wusa9.com) (49)
(ABC Raleigh-Durham) Strange Cops keep abreast of cold case - bust boobs behind 2005 bra caper  (abclocal.go.com) (84)
(KVUE) Fail All police in state of Texas are in hot pursuit in a gas drive-off crime. Wouldn't it be cheaper for the state to just pay for the gas?  (kvue.com) (150)
(CBS News) Florida What every farker already knew has now been verified. "Survey: Miami Full of Hot, Dumb People"  (cbsnews.com) (116)
(Google) Misc Bolivia pays tribute to fashion icon Che Guevara, captured and killed 42 years ago  (google.com) (106)
(MSNBC) Obvious Well, that didn't take long. Iran says they're ready to "blow up the heart of Israel"  (msnbc.msn.com) (378)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Scary Golfer loses arm after being attacked by alligator. No word on what his handicap is now  T-Shirt  (newsobserver.com) (97)
(BBC) Interesting Parents urged to fight binge drinking by the young by putting teenagers on a weekly "alcohol allowance"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (98)
(BBC) Scary Woman doesn't fall over cliff  (news.bbc.co.uk) (38)
(CBS Pittsburgh) Asinine Small town bans trick-or-treating for the safety of the children  (kdka.com) (226)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida How bad does GOP congressional candidate want his Democratic opponent's seat? He practices shooting her silhouette with automatic fire on gun range  (sun-sentinel.com) (237)
(The Consumerist) Interesting Man finally wins his battle to have the "refrigerator from hell" replaced. In related news, the triumphal return of Gozer has been postponed indefinitely  T-Shirt  (consumerist.com) (80)
(CBS Miami) Florida Trio of burglars steals $100K in perfume. Authorities encourage citizens to report any information through the appropriate Chanels  T-Shirt  (cbs4.com) (33)
(IndyStar) Scary If you're a teacher taking an autistic student on a zoo field trip do you a) Talk his parent into chaperoning the trip? b) Consult with a counselor on how to handle the situation? c) Try to poison the peanut-allergic punk with a Mr. Goodbar?  (indystar.com) (161)
(Kansas City) Strange Two crooks dress up in clown costumes and rob a jewelry store. What a couple of bozos  (kansascity.com) (35)
(AZCentral) Dumbass More and more people are turning to psychics for money advice, which helps explain why they're having money problems in the first place  (azcentral.com) (45)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Apparently, the idea of drinking too much and falling off hotel balconies hasn't gotten old in Treasure Island  (wtsp.com) (19)
(Yahoo) Interesting Ten interesting ways to reuse packing peanuts, and yes, creating your own velociraptor is on the list  (green.yahoo.com) (48)
(Popbiatch) Amusing African newspaper provides your sub-headline of the day: "Boy Drags Flashy Man Of God To Police For Terrorising His Buttocks With Monster Whopper"  (popbitch.com) (53)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing It's time once again for Friday Photo Fun from our pals at TSG. What famous crimes happened at these two houses. Contest ends at 4pm Eastern  (thesmokinggun.com) (161)
(CBC) Obvious Police note that four bodies in house is "suspicious in nature"  (cbc.ca) (42)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Chicago Harbor Light  (upload.wikimedia.org) (62)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Jesus filled my hötröd  (thelocal.se) (99)
(CNN) Interesting More women discharged from Air Force for being gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being in the Air Force  (cnn.com) (270)
(Bangor Daily News) Dumbass You're a teenager in an argument with your girlfriend do you (a) argue until victory (b) agree to disagree or (c) jump from a moving car  (bangordailynews.com) (134)
(Pudgy naked dancer) Amusing If you are six feet tall, pudgy, and have been dancing around naked in people's backyards, the Dallas police would like to have a word with you  (wtsp.com) (57)
(Some Guy) Dumbass When attempting to smuggle 1700 pounds of pot, limes will not cover up the scent. And don't drive at 42 mph on the freeway  (citizen-times.com) (98)
(Metro) Strange Bear Cavalry made obsolete by the invention of the canine paratrooper  (metro.co.uk) (59)
(Des Moines Register) Asinine Iowa town's school district quashes loud chants, body paint, signs, and other distracting, disruptive shenanigans at football games because taunts were getting too personal. Apparently, you can't rag on another school for low ACT scores  (desmoinesregister.com) (42)
(Some Guy) Scary Nothing says "great party" like waking up to a dead guy on your couch  (grandforksherald.com) (60)
(CNN) NewsFlash Barack Obama linked to terrorist Yasser Arafat  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (lots)
(The Tennessean) Amusing Woman arrested for Facebook 'poke'. Poker may end up in the pokey  (tennessean.com) (92)
(Abc.net.au) Obvious Who are the most hated people to share a plane flight with? Hint: It is not a screaming baby  (abc.net.au) (441)
(Tulsa World) Weird Only in Oklahoma. Man beaten in bathroom with mouth organ. Roommate charged with attempted harmonicide (w/mugshot)  (tulsaworld.com) (34)
(Consumer Reports) Unlikely Thaddeus McCotter (R-Mich.) supports creation of a deduction of up to $3,500 for veterinary care. Your dog wants a tax shelter  (blogs.consumerreports.org) (110)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop Tiger Woods marking his ball  (cache.boston.com) (42)
(Daily Mail) Obvious "Students who moan about the massive debts they rack up should blame their luxurious lifestyles, a professor has claimed"  (dailymail.co.uk) (230)
(Detroit News) Interesting "When the speed limit was raised from 55 mph to 70 mph, incidents of aggressive driving dropped to zero."  (detnews.com) (264)

Thu October 08, 2009
(Time) Cool The top 10 Twilight Zone episodes of all time. Let the debate begin. BTW, this was a TV show in the 60's  (time.com) (312)
(LA Times) Amusing 9 out of 10 zebras agree that the zebras at the zoo in the Gaza Strip are total asses  (latimes.com) (67)
(Fox News) Scary Science Student replaces Alaskan Fisherman as the most dangerous job in the United States  (foxnews.com) (86)
(The Morning Call) Amusing Man sets up fake airline, personally rates the service of his "stewardesses," and rents hotel rooms where they meet johns. Charged with creating a great plot for a porno movie  (mcall.com) (52)
(The Sun) Scary Horribly crippled man still waiting after 10 months for NHS to repair his broken arm. With not-even-remotely-humerus pic  (thesun.co.uk) (254)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Presenting a headline made for Fark: "One gay man, two lesbians, a three-legged cat and a poisoned curry plot"  (dailymail.co.uk) (54)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass H.S. principal screens surveillance video of students having sex in cafeteria. His play-by-play includes, "Hey, baby, why don't you come over here and grab my pencil."  (thesmokinggun.com) (131)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this tangoing twosome  (inapcache.boston.com) (41)
(AJC) Obvious Woman kicked off Delta flight for breastfeeding plans to sue the airline until they go tits up  (ajc.com) (531)
(Fox News) Weird Apparently, we've missed The Rapture  (foxnews.com) (468)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Followup Male inmates crawling through ceiling ducts to the females' cells to drink homemade alcohol and engage in sex is apparently not a crime in Indiana as long as you don't intend to leave the jail  (news.cincinnati.com) (66)
(ABC News) Scary Hard to know where to begin with this one: "A cache of explosives and pot plants were discovered at a state-licensed child care facility in Southern California hours after a man blew his hand off while mixing explosives there"  (abcnews.go.com) (90)
(Dallas News) Cool The best portraits of prize-winning chicken you will see all day  (dallasnews.com) (61)
(UPI) Florida Tabasco Sauce, definitely Tabasco Sauce  (upi.com) (144)
(Breitbart.com) Interesting Almost 5,900 pounds of marijuana found in a truckload of bananas, proving Kirk Cameron correct that banana skins are perfect containers designed by God  (breitbart.com) (89)
(Canada.com) Strange Giant, mysterious blimp over Kandahar driving paranoia to new heights. "Many people believe it's a spy blimp that can see through walls to look at our women"  (edmontonjournal.com) (129)
(BBC) Obvious Research into the ancestry of the First Lady of the United States, an African-American, has found that her ancestors were...wait for it...slaves  (news.bbc.co.uk) (328)
(Nola.com) Strange News: Man gets 7 years for killing neighbor's dog. Fark: With a katana  (nola.com) (202)
(FARK) Dumbass OMFG what did they do to the headlines in threads?? Share? Are they insane? Why would anyone wanna read this crap  (fark.com) (lots)
(Boston Globe) Sad You want to kill 100 year old woman. Do you a) Wait b) Wait or c) Just wait, already. Are you dense?  (boston.com) (88)
(Google) Strange 'Body' on top of building likely a moose carcass. Oh. Okay, then  (google.com) (57)
(Venice Florida dot com) Followup Cop who was framed by his boss (after busting his boss' nephew for DUI) is winning in court, so the Chief pulls a Chinese fire drill -- didn't work, but ya gotta admit, it was innovative  (venfl.com) (120)
(Independent) Asinine 1999: University staff are moved temporarily after offices are found to be radioactive and contaminated with mercury. 2009: University says it's just a coincidence they're dying of cancer  (independent.co.uk) (82)
(Google) Weird World's tallest dog drinks from the kitchen sink, gets his own damn steak (w/pics)  (google.com) (183)
(Starpulse) Stupid Don Draper from "Mad Men" voted the Most Influential Man of 2009, topping a list of people who actually exist  (starpulse.com) (170)
(Curtains Jesus) Spiffy Today's image of Jesus in someone's curtains is brought to you by Bishopville, SC  (wtsp.com) (132)
(E-Portage.us) Fail Milk truck creams electric pole  (e-portage.us) (31)
(CBC) Obvious Bacon is out of control in Canadian high schools  (cbc.ca) (72)
(SeattlePI) Strange $300,000 in stimulus money goes to... an aerial search for radioactive rabbit poop  (seattlepi.com) (70)
(Boing Boing) Obvious Carl Sagan was higher than geostationary orbit  (boingboing.net) (172)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this massive marionette  (spiegel.de) (42)
(AFP) Misc Dalai Lama says he's a feminist. So, broads have that going for them. Which is nice  (news.yahoo.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Amusing Postman refuses to deliver mail to a house because of the occupant's fearsome, ferocious feline. What a pussy  (thewestonmercury.co.uk) (134)
(Centre Daily Times) Amusing Dead deer in clown suit left on Iowa porch  (centredaily.com) (94)
(TechEBlog) Cool Absolutely the coolest way to make people take the stairs rather than the escalator that you'll see today  (techeblog.com) (188)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy Woman's house overrun by pygmy hedgehogs after she adopts 24 of them. And you GOTTA see these pics  (dailymail.co.uk) (189)
(Centre Daily Times) Strange Inmate attempts to escape jail with newspapers and a bag of raisins  (centredaily.com) (47)
(Google) Obvious Health care bill would cost $829 billion and cover 94% of all eligible Americans, but it STILL won't help you beat the third level of Battletoads  (google.com) (395)
(Sky News) Sad Woman dies after being hit in head by golf ball. That's a tragedy, not to mention a two-stroke penalty  (news.sky.com) (90)
(Click 2 Houston) Fail Trigger-happy cop thinks woman playing with her pit bull is being attacked, shoots the dog. Bonus: shoots the woman, too  (click2houston.com) (453)
(Some Guy) Sad Foreign foods like cappuccino, panini and French fries arrive in Dublin and the locals are going insane: "Do we really want to turn this country into a pathetic cross between Seattle and Barcelona?"  (independent.ie) (182)
(The Scotsman) Cool For once, the drunken, threatening passenger whose stupidity results in a flight turning around may actually get what he deserves: a bill for the $64,000 it cost  (thescotsman.scotsman.com) (62)
(Google) Florida "Missing" 71-year-old found by firefighters with search dogs and breathing apparatus. Fark: Under eight feet of accumulated trash, in her own house  (google.com) (141)
(Some Guy) Strange "He ran at me naked, we tousled briefly and he got his birdshot all up my back"  (thechronicleherald.ca) (38)
(Some Guy) Silly America's smartest and dumbest cities. At least Fresno can brag about its excellent crystal meth  (thedailybeast.com) (155)
(WBBM) Unlikely Someone puts out a list of annoying phrases, that at the end of the day, don't matter because it is what it is. Anyway, thanks, you know, for the heads up. Whatever  (wbbm780.com) (426)
(The Maine Edge.com) Obvious Ahh, fall. The leaves change color. There's a brisk feeling in the air. Then there's the best part: Autumn beer  (themaineedge.com) (96)
(BBC) Interesting Submitter tried to come up with a ditty / That was clever and ever so witty / But his failure was utter / The Fark admins mutter / Even his headline is shiatty. Anyway, it's National Poetry day. Go nuts (VE)  (bbc.co.uk) (245)
(The Courier) Scary Scottish hospitals will deal with drug-resistant germs right after they get rid of the bugs, mice, rats, birds, bats, and rabbits  (thecourier.co.uk) (19)
(My Fox DC) Fail If you're hired as a wedding photographer, and you miss the bride and groom getting out of the limo, having the limo pull back around with nobody in it just won't cut it. (with unbelievable awful wedding video mistakes)  (myfoxdc.com) (177)
(Some Guy) Silly Super-hero super Facebook status updates  (comicsalliance.com) (62)
(CBS Sacramento) Strange Feds commission $150,000 study on the forensic value of duct tape. "This time... the evidence... will stick." YEAAAAAAAAAAH  (cbs13.com) (72)
(3 News New Zealand) Amusing Sports team 'The Master Baiters' forced to change their name. Fark: Women's team  (3news.co.nz) (116)
(Tallahassee Democrat) Florida Judge rules 55-year-old Speedo Man can no longer wear thongs while riding bicycle around town. Thank the Lord for activist judges  (tallahassee.com) (53)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these Westminster Abbey wig wearers  (spiegel.de) (28)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing No matter how tempting it might be, please refrain from grabbing the police officer's ass while she's trying to interrogate you  (thelocal.se) (65)
(CTV) Strange Group calling for public ban on burqas is a) Conservative, b) Feminist, or c) Muslim  (ctv.ca) (153)
(SFGate) Scary "Yes, your honor, I brought 8 gang members into the courtroom and signaled them to stand up and glare at the witness when she was about to identify my client as the murderer. Should I not have done that?"  (sfgate.com) (149)
(SFGate) Hero Jack LaLanne, 95, exuding Kirk-like level of awesomeness, squeezes interviewer's biceps and confides, "I spent a lot of time on the floor with your mother."  (sfgate.com) (115)
(Wordpress) Amusing "How hard can it be to find a girl wearing hot pink and handcuffs?"  (amusedbypolicescanners.wordpress.com) (64)
(JSOnline) Asinine Winner of Lakefront Marathon disqualified because she: A) went out of bounds, B) took water outside of an official station, C) used an iPod  (jsonline.com) (175)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 231: "Farktography Classic: Black and White 2" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (317)

Wed October 07, 2009
(MSNBC) Obvious Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's baby daddy, is posing for Playgirl. In other news, Playgirl still exists  (msnbc.msn.com) (163)
(theeagle.com) Fail You failed three classes. Do you A) study harder, 2) transfer to a less demanding college, or D) sue the university?  (theeagle.com) (177)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this mad man  (online.wsj.com) (54)
(Wall Street Journal) Dumbass Justice Scalia feels it's "outrageous" to think that the cross is a Christian symbol, and not simply a generic burial marker  (online.wsj.com) (883)
(Some Old Guy) Amusing Random thoughts from Generation Y. Wait, aren't they all?  (bangitout.com) (197)
(Yahoo) Stupid "AP Poll: Third of parents oppose swine flu vaccine". Darwin licks chops at thought of multi-generational feast  (news.yahoo.com) (390)
(thaindian.com) News Tsunami warning after magnitude 8.1 earthquake rocks the Pacific Ocean. This is not a repeat from last week  (thaindian.com) (307)
(Eating Our Words) Interesting The bacon Manhattan, made with bacon-infused bourbon and candied bacon bits. Has bacon finally jumped the shark? ...bacon  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (91)
(Yahoo) Interesting NASA downgrades threat of large asteroid, from "Michael Bay" to "Mimi Leder"  (news.yahoo.com) (98)
(Wilmington Star-News) Sappy NC brothers rescue 7-foot boa constrictor trying to get to the other side (with awesome pics)  (starnewsonline.com) (60)
(Breitbart.com) Amusing Bodies: The Exhibition travels the whole world and not one lung was stolen...until today  (breitbart.com) (50)
(Spike) Unlikely Duke Rules  (spike.com) (251)
(Daily Bulletin) Strange Man complains to city council about local minister egging him on "to have sex with a young girl" while parishoners were "lickin' on a dog"; "If you think I'm lyin', ask my probation officer"  (dailybulletin.com) (55)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Asinine Mayor of Chicago and members of Obama's cabinet meet at Four Seasons to discuss teen violence. The answer is surely in the Mascarpone and Lobster Scrambled Eggs in Toasted Brioche  (suntimes.com) (214)
(CNN) Cool Helen Keller to be honored with a statue on Capitol Hill. Guess hiding from the Nazis all those years finally paid off  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (502)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida After two days of the fire department dismantling a car to rescue a kitten, a Petsmart employee finds rattling a coat hanger gets the job done  (blogs.tampabay.com) (116)
(Denver Post) Strange Emergency crews called to the scene and two employees hospitalized after somebody mails them powdered alfredo sauce  (denverpost.com) (55)
(CNN) Cool Indian kid shows that the only way to truly become fluent in 10 languages is to spend 7 of your formative years peddling souvenirs to international tourists. Side effect: You kind of turn into Billy Mays [with video]  (cnngo.com) (112)
(Some Guy) Obvious KY rancher wonders why his water tastes funny as he continues to dump trash and dead animals into a natural cave on his property  (currentargus.com) (114)
(Baltimore Sun) Hero 7-year old doesn't know he has brain cancer, thinks he's a superhero named The Dominator fighting an arch-enemy. Bonus: community embraces story, dress as superhero brethren to offer support  (baltimoresun.com) (768)
(Washington Post) Silly What would you do if you suddenly found yourself without a can of Old Bay? There are people out there who worry about this  (washingtonpost.com) (116)
(WESH Orlando) Florida Carpenter ants upstage fire ants by actually setting house on fire (with bonus animal hoarding)  (wesh.com) (60)
(pressconnects.com) Amusing Alligator seized after domestic dispute  (pressconnects.com) (23)
(WBBM) Unlikely Guy who lives in a tent on the streest of Naperville, Il vows to "duke it out" in court over his right to sleep wherever he damn well pleases  (wbbm780.com) (108)
(Fresno Bee) Weird Retired County Supervisor arrested for Child Molestation. He claims that the Gypsies are behind it all. I'd make something else up, but...dude...Gypsies  (fresnobee.com) (54)
(Daily Mail) Amusing "Two thugs who attacked what they thought were a pair of transvestites picked on the wrong men - when their intended victims turned out to be cage fighters on a night out in fancy dress" (pics)  (dailymail.co.uk) (165)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop theme: Rock art  (fark.com) (45)
(UPI) Scary 300 U.S. children are burned each day. Well done parents  T-Shirt  (upi.com) (208)
(CNN) Amusing Thai man is famous for removing deadly snakes from homes. He also moonlights collecting dead bodies and blood donations, so he's got all his bases covered  (cnngo.com) (17)
(Some Guy) Amusing Man caught driving stolen car tells police he's Canadian and a "terrorist threat"  (sheboyganpress.com) (29)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida You'd like to play a prank on a fellow firefighter. Do you a) call his house and hang up b) toilet paper his lawn or c) break into his house and leave piles of pubic hair and condoms on the floor after messing up his closets, lawn and tv?  (wtsp.com) (46)
(Reuters) Scary Hospital says first nasal spray version of swine flu vaccine is unsafe for its own health care workers. So it will give it to children instead  (reuters.com) (128)
(Rian.Ru) Dumbass For want of $24, I spent three hours with my hand stuck in a public toilet  (en.rian.ru) (49)
(Metro) Dumbass Motorways: not an appropriate place to test your mobility scooter  (metro.co.uk) (27)
(My Fox DC) Amusing Since declaring independence from the Soviet Union in 1991, citizens of the Republic of Georgia have experienced freedoms like property ownership, higher education and blowing up empty hot water bottles with their noses  (myfoxdc.com) (25)
(Yahoo) Asinine Louisiana Attorney general announce criminal investigation of ACORN for embezzlement, for an incident which happened over a decade ago, and ACORN was the victim  (news.yahoo.com) (403)
(Record Online) Cool The new pumpkin cannon in Hurley, NY is all kinds of long-distance awesome (with video)  (recordonline.com) (79)
(Local 12) Strange Man rescued from septic tank after getting into barking contest with local dog. "Good dog, Murphy"  (local12.com) (24)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Silly Henry VIII abdicates. Catherine Parr unavailable for comment  (lep.co.uk) (32)
(Some Confused Guy) Interesting The seasonal flu vaccine either doubles or quarters your risk of H1N1, depending on if you're Canadian or Mexican  (webmd.com) (81)
(AJC) Spiffy Man gets two-day erection and $9 million. Sounds like a win-win  (ajc.com) (94)
(MyFoxAl.com) Asinine Typical Alabama Birthday. Step 1: Drink to the point of legal intoxication. Step 2: Drive to the Bingo Parlor to celebrate. Step 3: Crash into the head of the State Police  (myfoxal.com) (20)
(The Local (Sweden)) Silly Toys "Я" Sexist  (thelocal.se) (580)
(BBC) Fail Do you know how to tell the difference between a French cargo vessel and a French navy ship? These Somali pirates do now  (news.bbc.co.uk) (227)
(News.com.au) Sad Tsunami of holiday cancellations hits Samoa. Sad tag surges past Obvious tag  (news.com.au) (14)
(BBC) Strange You know times are tough when students are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school  (news.bbc.co.uk) (70)
(CBS New York) Interesting Manhattan residents are determined to stop construction of an Empire State Building sized tower in Midtown. Suprisingly, this has nothing to do with the Freedom Tower, though this thing may get built before that anyway  (wcbstv.com) (124)
(Fox News) Asinine Teacher's union pushes for shorter school weeks. Apparently, having summers off isn't enough  (foxnews.com) (267)
(9 News) Cool Global warming ushers in earliest ski season ever  (9news.com) (910)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this vertigo view  (farm1.static.flickr.com) (32)
(Denver Post) Amusing If you see a bull elk wandering around Estes Park with its antlers sawed off, it wasn't a poacher, it's the Colorado Department of Wildlife's new way of dealing with elk that chase golfers around the 18th green  (denverpost.com) (65)
(NPR) Stupid Nobody wants to high five because the swine flu will KILL YOU, so here are some alternatives. The foot smack makes subby stabby  (npr.org) (101)
(Some Guy) Asinine Serial thief keeps eluding police, escalates his crimes to stealing airplanes. Serial thief's mom: "I hope to hell he stole those airplanes - I would be so proud,"  (katu.com) (103)
(Abc.net.au) Asinine When you live in a town called Humpty Doo there isn't much else to do besides getting drunk and driving around having sex  (abc.net.au) (44)
(Denver Channel) Amusing Fistfight breaks out at youth football game over "religious reasons". Specifically, one team had a girl on it  (thedenverchannel.com) (140)
(Some fellow traveller) Wheaton Wil confronts copyright thief, divides by zero. Smug free-netster singularity in 3 .. 2  (wilwheaton.typepad.com) (362)
(Independent) Asinine Homeowners sue banks for offering loans with deceptively low rates of interest, putting guns to their heads and forcing them to take them  (independent.co.uk) (150)
(AFP) Stupid Study finds 50% of French kids use cell phones in class. Now if we can only get the same number to use deodorant  (news.yahoo.com) (123)
(Boston Globe) Cool Hundreds of thousands of Chinese march on Tiannamen Square to celebrate 60 years of Communism. Say what you will about the Chinese government, but they sure throw one hell of a parade  (boston.com) (129)
(WBBM) Spiffy In hopes of having better circulation success than in New York, the NY Times is switching their focus to becoming a local paper in Chicago  (wbbm780.com) (43)

Tue October 06, 2009
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop this self shot  (online.wsj.com) (53)
(CNN) Interesting Want to make a healthier BLT? Get rid of the L and T and pile on some more B  (money.cnn.com) (157)
(Guardian.com) Cool Second Stonehenge found buried a mile from the original  (guardian.co.uk) (181)
(Oregon Live) Amusing Elderly woman eats her hearing aid after mistaking it for a milk dud. "One was rather crunchy and I could not get it to soften up."  (blog.oregonlive.com) (58)
(The Sun) Unlikely Picture of Iran test firing a missile shows UFO tracking the weapon. I want to believe aliens are going to protect us  (thesun.co.uk) (198)
(Off my lawn, virus) Obvious Out of 1000 senior facility residents, none have contracted swine flu. Scientists theorize "Not being raised by germophobic parents who wiped them down with disinfectant wipes every twelve seconds" is a contributing factor  (wfaa.com) (192)
(Yahoo) Asinine That drunk driving conviction? Never happened, Sugar Tits  (news.yahoo.com) (79)
(Some Guy) Scary Ommm Nom. Ommm Nom. OmNomOmNomOmNom  (justnews.com) (143)
(Utility Scams R Us) Fail FirstEnergy to "give away" four million low-energy light bulbs to residential electricity customers in Ohio. Fine print: All customers bills will reflect a surcharge for the next three years. LOLwut?  (newsnet5.com) (214)
(NJ.com) Dumbass Most clueless man on the planet leaves $100,000 Audemars Piguet watch in his Ferrari Modena overnight. Parked on the streets of Jersey City  (nj.com) (210)
(NPR) Interesting Architects want to fill New Orleans' Lower Ninth Ward with floaters  (npr.org) (146)
(Journal Star) Dumbass Who throws a dog? Honestly  (journalstar.com) (151)
(TBO) Spiffy Blue cheese, bacon, butter...nom, nom, nom  (www2.tbo.com) (119)
(WBBM) Cool Chicago Elvis auction will NOT include which of the following: a) original artwork b) a clump of his hair c) the roll of toilet paper from when he expired on the throne  (wbbm780.com) (37)
(New York Daily News) Obvious Swiss court refuses to release Roman Polanski from prison on grounds that he "constitutes a high flight risk". Ya think?  (nydailynews.com) (291)
(Some short Guy) Amusing And now, here's a story about a dwarf getting his penis glued inside a vaccuum cleaner  (bizarrenews.org) (66)
(Some Guy) Sappy Llama llikes lliving allone, lloafing allong footlloose on Pikes Peak after llion killlls its mother. I know, know -- llame headlline  (gazette.com) (62)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop these fish hanging around  (spiegel.de) (43)
(Ocala Star-Banner) Florida Nothing attracts teen boys like middle-age woman pulling pants down, inserting tampon, lying on picnic table masturbating. Nothing  (ocala.com) (251)
(New York Daily News) Sick The 'Craz-E Burger' comes topped with bacon, cheese and a buttered Krispy Kreme donut for a bun. Butter? Isn't that bad for you?  (nydailynews.com) (111)
(Telegraph) PSA It's been said before, but let's go over it one more goddamn time: if you're going to break into someone's house and steal their booze, don't drink it all while you're there and pass out on their couch  (telegraph.co.uk) (16)
(Talking Points Memo) Obvious After the media got on the story suddenly the Hardin Montana city council decides that hiring a private foreign owned paramilitary police force was a bad idea  (tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com) (127)
(BBC) Obvious Researchers show that people who like licorice are stupid  (news.bbc.co.uk) (125)
(The Register) Stupid UK's Royal Mail sues website that lets users look up postal codes so that they can correctly address mail  (theregister.co.uk) (40)
(WebEx) Plug Cisco unleashes WebEx, enabling web conferencing with a single click and guaranteeing a future of collaboration and eventually the kind of embarrassing moments that would normally be reserved for people in your office (with pic) (sponsored link)  (altfarm.mediaplex.com) (93)
(The New York Times) Amusing Farmer sprays milk on policemen during a protest against falling milk prices. Fark: With a cow (yes, there's a pic)  (nytimes.com) (164)
(UPI) Weird Robber, "Give me your money. I have a gun." Clerk, "Bullshiat. Show it to me." Robber *leaves*  (upi.com) (44)
(Wired) Cool The coolest infrared video of 500,000 bats emerging from cave you'll see all..., well ever  (wired.com) (115)
(TampaBays10.com) Followup "Raccoons are like little bears on crack"  (wtsp.com) (120)
(Washington Times) Asinine Six agents in SWAT gear ransack a grandmother's house. Were they: a) DEA agents looking for 50 pounds of cocaine, b) FBI agents searching for terrorists, or c) The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service searching for orchids?  (washingtontimes.com) (274)
(Metro) Strange Wishing well charity enables teenager to fulfill her lifelong dream of smashing up a pile of garden gnomes while dressed as a guitarist from AC/DC  (metro.co.uk) (57)
(ABC Action News) Florida Man arrested for hiding his crack in his crack in front of his two kids  (abcactionnews.com) (22)
(Washington Post) Fail Microsoft announces security breach; thousands of Hotmail passwords compromised. In other news, there are still thousands of Hotmail users  (voices.washingtonpost.com) (137)
(Telegraph) Weird Man only remembers the last 48 hours, wonders where all these tattoos came from  (telegraph.co.uk) (89)
(Daily Record (UK)) Obvious Scottish police chief notes all the women raped last week in his town were drunk. Fails to realize all the women not raped last week in his town were also drunk  (dailyrecord.co.uk) (271)
(PennLive) Silly Holy water replaced by hand sanitizer at local churches  (pennlive.com) (79)
(AZCentral) Dumbass No matter how funny you think you are, don't hand a convention center security guard a lunchbox and tell him, "This is not mine. I hope it doesn't explode"  (azcentral.com) (59)
(Google) Cool 100 years to the day, the Titanic Memorial Cruise will depart from Southampton England and retrace the same Trans-Atlantic route as taken by the ill-fated ship. Well, except for that one lengthy stopover  (google.com) (181)
(Newsweek) Scary If you were an intern during the Clinton years, you just got screwed again  (blog.newsweek.com) (106)
(WAAY TV) Followup Mom who put kid in cardboard box on top of van speaks out. "It was just a bad decision". Bonus video of reporter reenacting what it's like to be a kid in a box on the side of the road  (waaytv.com) (105)
(Deseret News) Dumbass Pair of drunken idiots vandalize Brigham Young statue in Utah after first asking passerby, "Hey, you want a bronze copy of the Book of Mormon?"  (deseretnews.com) (148)
(My Fox DC) Cool "Batboy" learns to see with his ears, uses a form of sonar by clicking his tongue  (myfoxdc.com) (67)
(WBBM) Amusing Burglars surprised when homeowner unleashes barrage of billiard balls at them while shouting "Death from Above", but at least they got out of there before she could find her crossbow  (wbbm780.com) (101)
(Wall Street Journal) Photoshop Photoshop these ballot bearers taking a break  (online.wsj.com) (27)
(The Local (Sweden)) Amusing Swedish media hurriedly tries to cover up discovery of town populated only by Swedish lesbians  (thelocal.se) (203)
(BBC) Obvious Nearly 70% of weekend ambulance calls due to drinking: Scotland  (news.bbc.co.uk) (52)
(Google) Amusing So this is how they find seventy-two virgins  (google.com) (228)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting Overweight bus drivers are banned over fears their seats could collapse  (lep.co.uk) (101)
(Chicago Tribune) Amusing Photo Essay: Why purse snatching in Chinatown is a bad idea  (chicagotribune.com) (107)
(CNN) Spiffy Cookbook for cancer patients: "We were hoping for tumor chapters, but the publisher said there could only benign"  T-Shirt  (cnn.com) (49)
(KCRG.com) Amusing Man not attempting to rob a store has bag of money thrown at him in case of mistaken robdentity. Alcohol involved  (kcrg.com) (49)

Mon October 05, 2009
(Yahoo) Interesting Are your eyes getting a little heavy staring at that computer screen? Maybe something you learned in kindergarten would help  (news.yahoo.com) (140)
(Cracked) Interesting Six natural disasters that were caused by human stupidity. Surprisingly your conception and birth didn't make the list  (cracked.com) (216)
(Toronto Star) Hero Dominatrix prepares to whip Canada's prostitution law, claims it has been very, very bad  (thestar.com) (183)
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious If you drink an entire bottle of vodka, don't be entirely surprised if you wake up to find a six-inch tattoo of a penis on your leg. I'm just saying  (thelocal.se) (159)
(Missoulian) Sad Farm hands squeeze Dixon Melons' ample chest for sixty large, but cops staying abreast of situation claim big bust is still possible  (missoulian.com) (79)
(AL.com) Dumbass Woman arrested, charged with placing 13-year-old daughter in a cardboard box atop moving minivan. In her defense, though, the box was secured to the roof with coat hangers  (blog.al.com) (131)
(Sign On San Diego) Scary About 200 firefighters from S.D. fighting Sheep fire. What kind of sick bastard sets a sheep on fire?  (www3.signonsandiego.com) (94)
(Some Guy) Amusing Sir, I'm going to need to see your drivers license and permit for that Great White Shark  (katu.com) (67)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: unsuccessful board games  (images.google.com) (81)
(Fox News) Amusing For some inexplicable reason, the Supreme Court has declined to hear the case of Ernie Young, aka "Jason Presley", who claims that Elvis was murdered, he is the King's son, and oh the entire family fortune rightly belongs to him  (foxnews.com) (55)
(BBC) Strange Mourning macaque mothers and busty porn stars have one thing in common -- they both suck on their own nipples  (news.bbc.co.uk) (134)
(WRAL) Amusing "Stinky. I know, that's highly sophisticated, but I don't know how else to phrase it". Iowa has started the Ginko tree wars  (wral.com) (83)
(Dailytech) Dumbass Jack Thompson sues Facebook because the "I hate Jack Thompson" facebook group hurt his feelings  (dailytech.com) (184)
(USA Today) Scary Man sues to stop preacher from "asking Jesus to plunder my fields, seize my assets, kill me and my family then wipe away our descendants for 10 generations." This is not a repeat from the year 1145  (blogs.usatoday.com) (209)
(Some Guy) Interesting Autism may be more common than thought. Asbergers still just a bunch of people who need a good ass kicking  (health.usnews.com) (328)
(SFGate) Stupid UC Berkeley pays consultant $3 million to find ways to save money. Somehow, cutting consultant fees from the budget isn't likely to make the list  (sfgate.com) (85)
(CNN) Cool If you live in London and you happen to smell something that reminds you of a combination between a wet marsh, Sarin gas and fear, it's not a terrorist attack, it's just this week's Curry Festival  (edition.cnn.com) (126)
(Daily Mail) Sad Treatment center for depressed and suicidal teens is located near a 125 foot high bridge, with predictable results  (dailymail.co.uk) (141)
(Brandweek) Strange Study finds Gen Y's fears about the economy have led to "Arby's" and "Old Navy" becoming the top restaurant & retailer for their demographic on social networks  (brandweek.com) (129)
(Nola.com) Weird Bedazzlers team up with UGGs to form a fashion vortex of suck at the Stud your UGG Event. Bonus : Featuring Professional Bedazzlers  (nola.com) (82)
(Drew) FarkBlog Drew does an early review of Swine Flu Epidemic 2: Panic Boogaloo. Also, some of Fark's favorite headlines from last week  (fark.com) (62)
(Linus) Spiffy No Halloween season would be complete without media coverage of really big pumpkins. Bonus: Video of the biggest pumpkin you will see all season  (wtsp.com) (46)
(WUSA9) Scary The Great Woodland Uprising of 2009 has begun: raccoons "gang attack" old lady. (With video of suspicious raccoon gang)  (wusa9.com) (102)
(Some Guy) Asinine Couple loses investment property to squatters-under PA law that dates from William Penn  (standardspeaker.com) (532)
(Some hungry tiger) Dumbass A swing and a miss by Darwin, tiger  (timescolonist.com) (84)
(Washington Post) Spiffy US swine flu vaccination process is underway, beginning in Indiana and Tennessee, since so many people there live with their pigs inside the house  (washingtonpost.com) (66)
(Daily Mail) Amusing The best pictures of a hungry polar bear sticking its head through a porthole you'll see today  (dailymail.co.uk) (162)
(Yahoo) Spiffy I cured cancer and all I got was this lousy 1/3 of a Nobel prize  (news.yahoo.com) (76)
(Guardian.com) Amusing UK store pulls ads from Fox News over Glenn Beck row after customers complain of link "with this particular form of rightwing cant". Must be the British spelling  (guardian.co.uk) (209)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wartime speech  (realwarphotos.com) (48)
(WBBM) Sad Hunters orange is a good way to differentiate yourself from a turkey  (wbbm780.com) (113)
(Kenosha News) Sappy Family of deceased drag racer honors his memory by letting his hearse rip down the drag strip for one last run  (kenoshanews.com) (90)
(Yahoo) Sad Alabama Judge accused of letting defendants off if they got him off first  (news.yahoo.com) (107)
(Some Guy) Interesting New eye-examiner had internship in Alaska; may be an optical Aleutian  T-Shirt  (dglobe.com) (42)
(The Register) Ironic UK Defence Ministry guide on how to prevent leaks to the public domain, leaks into the public domain  (theregister.co.uk) (36)
(OC Register) Dumbass Doctor alleged to have illegally sold narcotic drugs, botched several breast implant surgeries, and kissed a patient gives up license, says, "It was totally worth it."  (ocregister.com) (67)
(CBC) Asinine Canadian government bringing in law allowing police to just randomly force drivers to take breathalyzer tests, regardless of whether or not they suspect the person has been drinking  (cbc.ca) (249)
(BBC) Strange Now you too can commemorate the achievements of a man who chose a life of poverty and shunned material goods with your very own $25,000 fountain pen  (news.bbc.co.uk) (133)
(Some) Fail Woman successfully feeds herself to pet bear  (lehighvalleylive.com) (190)
(TampaBays10.com) Florida Two Florida cruise ships collide off the Mexican coast. Apparently, the entire Gulf of Mexico didn't give them enough room to get out of each other's way  (wtsp.com) (116)
(Some Guy) Silly 148 volunteers spend 167 days building 1200 square foot house in Virginia. With efficiency like this, it's amazing there's still any homeless left at all  (martinsvillebulletin.com) (86)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: lesser known national monuments  (images.google.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Mi Suk Yang" arrested for prostitution. Wonder what tipped them off?  (forsythnews.com) (130)
(STLToday) Asinine New York City continues its War on Food™ by banning school bake sales  (stltoday.com) (93)
(Seattle Times) Followup Woman who found old cryptic note pointing to gold coinage instead receives old school pwnage courtesy of well-known prankster who died 30 years ago  (seattletimes.nwsource.com) (88)
(News.com.au) Unlikely SHOCK REPORT: women's gossip magazine wants to reinvent itself as "credible news source", with EXCLUSIVE WEIGHT LOSS PICS of what a credible magazine might look like  (news.com.au) (39)
(Louisville Courier Journal) Weird Kentucky loses world championship of coon hunting, an event with an economic impact of up to $3.5 million  (courier-journal.com) (69)
(Some Manly Man) Cool Top ten manliest names EVAR  (oddee.com) (472)
(Yahoo) Sick Last spring brought sunshine, warmth and the blooming of flowering plants to small South Dakota town -- along with the stench of 44 tons of rotting meat  (news.yahoo.com) (74)
(Telegraph) Sick Not news: a new McDonalds opens up. Fark: it's inside the Louvre  (telegraph.co.uk) (285)

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