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These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.

(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun July 26, 2009
Source     Fark Headline Comments
(Some Guy) Obvious "Behind the proliferation of bacon offerings - bacon salt, bacon doughnuts, bacon-infused vodka - is a confluence of government policy and manipulation of consumer taste that has turned bacon into a weapon of mass destruction"  (organicconsumers.org) (141)
(News.com.au) Interesting Denmark's newest Prince baptised, already looking daggers at his uncle  (news.com.au) (60)
(Daily Mail) PSA If you're in England and you fend off multiple assailants at your home with a letter opener, you'll be charged with attempted murder  (dailymail.co.uk) (273)
(London Times) Spiffy Thanks to evolution, women are getting hotter, while men remain just as ugly as before  (timesonline.co.uk) (333)
(The New York Times) Strange Serendipitous: Meeting and falling in love with her at a comic-book convention your friends dragged you to, taking her on car trips and posing for touristy pictures. Fark: She is a 2D cartoon image on a body pillow you take all over Tokyo  (nytimes.com) (165)
(BBC) Interesting Planetologists propose building thousand-mile long shield wall to prevent the spread of deserts, sandworms  (news.bbc.co.uk) (125)
(Washington Post) Strange Tired of the loud shrieking, vandalism and head-punching, Tokyo residents fight the Black Crows with mayonnaise  (washingtonpost.com) (56)
(Telegraph) Interesting North Korea opens first fast-food restaurant. In others news, North Korea has food  (telegraph.co.uk) (82)
(Some Guy) Obvious British mountain climber leaves his mark on the world  (mailonsunday.co.uk) (62)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this stacked sacks scaler  (s.wsj.net) (24)
(Telegraph) Obvious 20,000 people take to streets of Scotland to protest closure of whisky distillery, demand to know what they're supposed to have for breakfast now  (telegraph.co.uk) (62)
(Daily Star) Dumbass "In case of emergency, here's a brick"  (dailystar.co.uk) (63)
(YouTube) Video To the person who had too much time on his hand, we say thanks. Stop Motion Sand Sculpture  (youtube.com) (69)
(New York Daily News) Interesting What do many of history's great achieving men and woman have in common? They got little sleep each night  (nydailynews.com) (107)
(Globe and Mail) Unlikely In joyous news to Farkers everywhere: Be fat, live longer.... now pass me the baconaise  (theglobeandmail.com) (98)
(godbitesman.com) Amusing Evry wrd ecxept "Exit" speled rong on Wisconssin hihway sine. Wut ignorent morans  (godbitesman.com) (98)
(Some Guy) Strange Washington state wants to both make breastfeeding legal and become the first state in the union to ban consensual sex between adults (if one of them is a teacher)  (thenewstribune.com) (325)
(Some Guy) Amusing Anti-bottled water website encourages users to start a lie about the industry  (startalie.com) (396)
(Some Guy) Stupid Neighbors of a farm upset that the farm smells...like a farm  (carrollcounty.com) (69)
(Denver Post) Cool Yes, there is an International Flipper Pinball Association and a place where pinball wizards can duke it out in tournaments  (denverpost.com) (82)
(Daily Mail) Misc Woman wins payout after botched plastic surgery leaves her looking like Curt Shilling on the losing end of a bar fight  (dailymail.co.uk) (48)
(Montana's News Station) Scary Stuntman attempts world record car jump at Evel Knievel Days, with Knievel-esqe results (pics and vid)  (montanasnewsstation.com) (47)
(Connecticut Post) Followup Exotic pet amnesty day brings a little bit of Florida to the Nutmeg State  (connpost.com) (58)
(ABC News) Silly The perfect vehicle for the guy who thinks a scooter is just too manly  (abcnews.go.com) (307)
(Google) Amusing India christens her first nuclear submarine with a coconut  (google.com) (66)
(UPI) Scary British health officials reported 100,000 new cases of swine flu in the country in the past week, double the tally of the week before. Haven't we seen this movie before?  (upi.com) (61)
(WMTW.com) Unlikely Help Wanted: Must love being tugged at by children, laughed at by the opposing team, and be willing to wear a red lobster costume in the heat of the summer for $50 a game  (wmtw.com) (20)
(BBC) Unlikely Scotland has so many Scots leaving that they're advertising for illegal immigrants. New slogan: "It's nicer than Afghanistan"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (66)
(Fox 4 KC) Asinine A military recruiter misleading someone? Unpossible  (fox4kc.com) (230)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this articulated assembly robot  (img.directindustry.com) (22)
(UPI) Obvious Researchers at the Institute for the Obvious say caffeine-drinking teens lack sleep  (upi.com) (22)
(UPI) Spiffy Concubines making a comeback in China  (upi.com) (108)
(Fox News) Spiffy Girls win 4 of 6 titles in the 72nd All-American Soap Box Derby, boys claim cooties were involved  (foxnews.com) (35)
(Wikipedia) Cool HEY (hey) YOU (you) ... Get off of my lawn  (en.wikipedia.org) (130)
(Salon) Cool From the "whatever happened to so-and-so" files: Neil Armstrong working as a financial services professional in suburban Cincinnati  (salon.com) (33)
(Reuters) Asinine Mr. Pink plays the world's smallest violin just for all the waiters and waitresses in the country who did not get a pay raise when the minimum wage was increased  (reuters.com) (430)
(Jalopnik) Cool Vintage VW squareback saved from the crusher. Subby has somthing in his eye  (jalopnik.com) (94)
(Telegraph) Strange Church of England says fatties and baldies should be considered "special needs" groups, just like the blind, the deaf, breastfeeding mothers, midgets, and readers of tabloid newspapers. No, really  (telegraph.co.uk) (121)
(MaineToday.com) Stupid The Boston Herald has decided to stop distributing Maine's "Uncle Henry's Weekly Swap or Sell It" guide because they allow the sale of guns  (pressherald.mainetoday.com) (85)
(KFOR) Followup Supporter of Washington state's effort to repeal domestic partnership law "drove two hours in traffic to turn in about a dozen signatures". My God, this is serious business  (kfor.com) (118)
(Some Guy) Stupid Phase 1: Eliminate summer school and shop class. Phase 2: Introduce "pay-to-play" for sports, each family pays $50 per kid per sport. Phase 3: Profit  (redbluffdailynews.com) (191)
(Some Guy) Asinine High school chemistry teacher sued for using hazardous chemicals in the classroom without justification, like, you know, teaching chemistry  (redding.com) (84)
(Some Guy) Asinine Cruise ship allows tourists to do a little whale watching by impaling one on its bow  (vancouversun.com) (66)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop this eclipse event expert  (inapcache.boston.com) (39)
(TheSpec.com) Hero Michael Knight(s), a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the apartment-door-less, in a world of landlords who operate above the law  (thespec.com) (89)
(New Zealand Herald) Hero Last British veteran of WW1 trenches dies. Goodnight machine-gunny-man  (nzherald.co.nz) (184)

Sat July 25, 2009
(Mediabistro) Amusing Katie Couric slams NY Times reporter who made not one, not two, but seven mistakes in reporting on the death of Walter Cronkite. Of course she's smiling while doing it, since the reporter is Alessandra Stanley and payback is a biatch. Meeoww  (mediabistro.com) (143)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Theme: turn a Chuck Norris internet meme into a Betty White internet meme  (coronene.com) (60)
(BBC) Spiffy Lego house building party you say? With Top Gear's James May you say? Next Saturday in Surrey you say? Sign this subby up  (news.bbc.co.uk) (86)
(New Zealand Herald) Obvious Would you dress your baby in a shirt that read: "I'm living proof my mum is easy" or "The condom broke"? Surprisingly some people have a problem with this  (nzherald.co.nz) (190)
(CBS Miami) Florida Nude sculpture at Florida mall angers parents including one mother who says of her 6 year old: "He's gonna have questions." What questions? "Mommy, where's mine?"  (cbs4.com) (182)
(WSAZ) Stupid Long battle over historic rock turns out to be about wrong, non-historic rock but that doesn't mean there won't be prison involved  (wsaz.com) (52)
(Newsweek) Interesting Dozens of dedicated players have descended on the Hill over the past few days to argue for the federal regulation of online poker. You bet your luck on this  (blog.newsweek.com) (58)
(Daily Star) Asinine Nanny state bans school ties because children could be 'accidentally strangled' during the lunch break  (dailystar.co.uk) (103)
(Some Chick) Spiffy Ugly-assed baby giraffe born at Franklin Zoo in Boston. Baby is 6'4" and weighs 164 lbs. w/pic  (wbztv.com) (40)
(Some Guy) Sick Brooklyn man turned $150k profit per kidney purchased from Israel and sold in the United States. Guess he figured out step 2  (newsfromrussia.com) (115)
(Some Guy) Amusing Today on "I wonder what this button does?"  (nbcdfw.com) (101)
(Some Guy) Obvious Spitting: "It's a disgusting habit, and one that we are becoming more casual and lax about as a society. It's creeping in. We are ignoring it more, and therefore it is becoming more acceptable"  (ottawacitizen.com) (182)
(Sign On San Diego) Dumbass Info on San Diego's absurd 'scare the seals away by playing dog barks on a boombox' plan was on a 'need-to-freaking-know basis' according to mayoral aide e-mail (obtained by newspaper he used to work at)  (www3.signonsandiego.com) (33)
(TwinCities.com) Amusing Army colonel marks his retirement by opening a tin of C-Ration pound cake he got in Vietnam in 1973. His verdict? "Tastes just like it always did,"  (twincities.com) (102)
(MSNBC) Strange If the court clerk you've been flirting with files a complaint against you, obviously the proper response is to urinate on her chair repeatedly after hours  (msnbc.msn.com) (62)
(WLFI) Interesting Cash for Clunkers started yesterday, but it may be over in 3 weeks  (wlfi.com) (192)
(Fox News) Unlikely Man claims to be allergic to wi-fi  (foxnews.com) (195)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this face-like façade  (flickr.com) (42)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Asinine Raleigh city councilman wants to make it illegal to park on your lawn. Why does he hate America?  (newsobserver.com) (60)
(Toledo Blade) Interesting Rambo dog has been evading capture in fields outside Toledo for 10 months. "It is very much a survivalist"  (toledoblade.com) (39)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Nanny state wants entire country to avoid Spanish beaches because of two-inch wound from SHARK BITE  (dailymail.co.uk) (43)
(Denver Channel) Asinine Power company wants to start charging you a fee for NOT using their electricity, if you have solar panels  (thedenverchannel.com) (127)
(UPI) Spiffy Happy 19th anniversary to the Americans With Disabilities Act  (upi.com) (169)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Teenage thieves are stealing adult tricycles. It's the perfect crime because no adult will admit to owning one  (blogs.tampabay.com) (34)
(UPI) Interesting A Tale of Two Koreas: When the North launches a rocket, it's a missile and gets the world all hot-n-bothered. When the South does the same thing, it's a "space rocket". Wink, wink, nudge, nudge  (upi.com) (65)
(Rotten Tomatoes) Cool Comic-Con is going on with all of its cosplay glory. Several "would hit" pics included  (rottentomatoes.com) (340)
(Some State Assembly) Caption Caption this sleepy senator  (s.wsj.net) (58)
(ABC News) Interesting That idiot who just cut you off in traffic? Yeah, well, he may have just made your commute easier. Here comes the science  (abcnews.go.com) (190)
(London Times) Obvious New polls reveal Britons overwhelmingly support changing the law to allow people the right to die. Those of you who've ever lived here will understand completely  (timesonline.co.uk) (40)
(The Local (Germany)) Obvious German porn star furious after her name is placed on the ballot without her consent, as politics would ruin her reputation  T-Shirt  (thelocal.de) (50)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: The Distant Future - Dystopian Version  (fark.com) (30)
(FARK) Photoshop Theme: The Distant Future - Utopian Version  (fark.com) (28)
(Some Guy) Misc O.J. Simpson wants items seized in Vegas returned. List includes footballs, ties, photos and a knife. Check that, no knife  (wptv.com) (26)
(Lohud.com) Scary Fark-ready lead line of the day: "It wasn't so much that 74-year-old Leon Schiavi was wearing a miniskirt..."  (lohud.com) (16)
(NJ.com) Spiffy New Jersey: we have toxic waste, factories that smell, and we never did find Jimmy Hoffa buried under Giants stadium. But we also have big hearts when it comes to helping kittens on Caturday  (nj.com) (460)
(Some Chick) Dumbass When men begin drinking and arguing in the morning you just know it will end with a butt stabbing  (whiotv.com) (25)
(Yahoo) Interesting Bush considered invading that notorious belligerent nation state: The Islamic Republic of Buffalo, NY  (news.yahoo.com) (255)
(PennLive) Scary When breaking up with your girlfriend try not to let her near your nipple ring  (pennlive.com) (54)
(Some Guy) PSA Today's lesson: Don't smoke in your car when you've got a full propane tank for a passenger  (spokesman.com) (39)
(BBC) Scary British council, having apparently never seen a horror movie, to use ancient catacombs to store bodies of swine flu victims  (news.bbc.co.uk) (49)
(Stuff) Sad Marriage has gone from "till death do us part" to a "three to five-year agreement plus options"  (stuff.co.nz) (136)
(FARK) Survey If you could have a one hour interview with anyone, living or dead, who had to tell the truth, who would it be?  (fark.com) (567)
(Some Guy) Amusing The headline that does not mean what you think it means  (myfoxphoenix.com) (58)
(Denver Channel) Obvious Battery causes fire at police station, leaving cops wondering what to charge  T-Shirt  (thedenverchannel.com) (32)
(Yahoo) Fail Man travels to Cuba, hoping to be arrested for violating the travel ban so he can challenge it. Government calls his bluff by not caring  (news.yahoo.com) (186)
(The Sun) Caption Caption Jude Law striking this photographer  (img.thesun.co.uk) (129)

Fri July 24, 2009
(LA Times) Sad 17 more protestors die in Iranian plane crash. Man, they have some awful luck  (latimes.com) (67)
(Breitbart.com) Dumbass The usual method is to just take the cash but, if you insist upon stealing the entire cash register, escaping on foot probably isn't your best option  (breitbart.com) (16)
(Baltimore Sun) Fail Police arrest naked guy accused of stealing liquor from yacht  (baltimoresun.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Cool Saudi girl wins beauty pageant without ever showing her face. "The winners represent the culture of the society and its high Islamic morals"  (ca.news.yahoo.com) (253)
(CNN) Asinine Today's ground breaking investigative journalism form CNN: "Do Women Watch Dirty Movies?" It's not news, It's...oh never farking mind  (cnn.com) (256)
(Breitbart.com) Fail Old and busted: Food fight. New hotness: Principal pile  (breitbart.com) (31)
(The Smoking Gun) Florida This week's Smoking Gun mugshot lineup: Florida tag surrenders  (thesmokinggun.com) (261)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tour of a tip  (perhapanauts.com) (50)
(Rocks Off) Spiffy Ten sexy, smooth, chick-approved songs that are guaranteed to get you laid  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (436)
(ABC News) Followup Obama flip flops on police stupidity  (abcnews.go.com) (787)
(CNN) Followup Harvard professor now threatening to sue the Cambridge police, citing witnesses who have had similar experiences with the arresting officer  (cnn.com) (764)
(TBO) Florida When spanking is banned in high schools, there's always toe popping to fall back on  (www2.tbo.com) (92)
(Some Guy) Amusing 8 cartoon characters that probably have syphilis (NSFWish ads)  (holytaco.com) (117)
(London Times) Obvious China eases "one child" policy on news the place is becoming a real sausage-fest  (timesonline.co.uk) (220)
(Experience Project) Sad 10 things even bacon can't make better  (experienceproject.com) (249)
(Canoe) Scary Apparently "threatening the rape of all family members, including their pet animals" is now a crime  (edmontonsun.com) (120)
(The Register) Amusing Today's Fark-ready headline: Swedish lesbians suck sperm banks dry  (theregister.co.uk) (87)
(Fox News) Scary Good news: You're probably a federal criminal  (foxnews.com) (339)
(Reuters) Amusing "Think about all the things you can stick this tasty, extraordinarily large sausage in."  (reuters.com) (60)
(CBS Philadelphia) Interesting 77-year-old gets sex change. Procedures include cankle installation, wrinkle movement and... well, actually that's about it  (cbs3.com) (60)
(Washington Post) Interesting Being pregnant with the president: Meat shields, no urinating on intestines, and Minnie Mouse with a 9mm -- inside 16 weeks of Secret Service training  (washingtonpost.com) (145)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing TGS's Friday Photo Fun. What female rock star demands Grey Goose and Bordeaux? Contest ends at 4pm Eastern Good luck  (thesmokinggun.com) (213)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this iridescent iris  (flickr.com) (41)
(USA Today) Followup Pennsylvania's budget has not been passed. Tens of thousands of state employees are not getting paid. Government agencies are being asked to pinch every penny. But hey, Philadelphia just deployed 500 solar-powered trash cans  (usatoday.com) (124)
(MSNBC) Followup Cambridge cop says Gates "pushed it", Pushed it real good  (msnbc.msn.com) (1209)
(1010WINS) Amusing Teen billed $23 quadrillion for a train ticket. Good thing she didn't get a pack of smokes too  (1010wins.com) (78)
(Wall Street Journal) Followup The Department of Energy, responsible for giving the United States handy tips on conserving energy, fails an energy audit. Again  (blogs.wsj.com) (86)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these aviation fuel storage tanks  (blog.silive.com) (38)
(Egad) Amusing Not news: Mayor gives speech to students. News: Wears bathing suit top, miniskirt and heels. Fark: Mayor is male  (katu.com) (155)
(UPI) Dumbass Man sues Denny's because he's shocked to learn that a meal with two eggs with chopped bacon, diced ham, crumbled sausage, Cheddar cheese, plus two bacon strips, two sausage links, hash browns, and two pancakes has 5,690 mg sodium  (upi.com) (325)
(UPI) Sappy 93-year-old man marries his third grade sweetheart after 85 years apart  (upi.com) (62)
(Cracked) Cool Seven true stories that prove airlines hate you, in case there was any doubt  (cracked.com) (277)
(Metro) Scary Zeus takes a very dim view of outdoor sex  (metro.co.uk) (370)
(Some Guy) Fail Drunk, vomiting, without a driver's license, and parking on the state troopers' lawn is no way to go through life, son  (wzzm13.com) (21)
(MSNBC) Interesting Cops seize $1.2 BILLION in pot. Little Debbie and Dorito sales plummet. Spicoli inconsolable  (msnbc.msn.com) (267)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Needless to say, events can come in clusters and we have to be careful about Fortean insights or synchro-conspiracy theories based on accidents." That's just what they want you to think  (copycateffect.blogspot.com) (22)
(Some Guy) Asinine Bad: Sushi from a BP gas station. Worse: There's an onsite Sushi chef. Worser: They sell 300 boxes of sushi a day. Worsestershire: Featured on Gourmet Magazine  (blogs.commercialappeal.com) (187)
(Stuff) Followup Man who withdrew his $190k from his bank in protest for not getting a loan, deposits the money with his credit union, credit union then deposits the money in the original bank as that is who they bank with. The money go round continues  (stuff.co.nz) (74)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Washington town with 80 year-round residents reachable only by boat, float plane or a several-day hike through the wilderness to finally get phone service, haven't heard about Wierd Al's parents yet  (wsbtv.com) (78)
(NBC Washington) Obvious Question of the Day: should driving too slow be a traffic violation? Of course it should. Now GET OUT OF MY WAY YOU FARKING MORAN  (nbcwashington.com) (287)

Thu July 23, 2009
(Baltimore Sun) Silly Toupee salesman goes all Myth Busters on South Carolina roller coaster  (baltimoresun.com) (41)
(Daily Mail) Sad A third of men still live at Hotel Mom's Basement  (dailymail.co.uk) (162)
(CNN) Misc Apparently a one eyed Yeti has been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for 15 years  (cnn.com) (64)
(Ramona Sentinel) Hero A happy 100th to the last living World War II Medal of Honor winner, Lt. John William Finn - who took enough shrapnel at Pearl Harbor to build himself a spare giant clanking testicle to match his other two  (ramonasentinel.com) (57)
(New York Daily News) Hero George W. Bush fails to kill Bin Laden for seven years. Barack Obama kills Bin Laden in first seven months  (nydailynews.com) (432)
(Flickr) Amusing 1985 Ebony Magazine prediction of what Michael Jackson would look like in the year 2000. Billy Dee Williams stands up in protest and kills a Colt 45  (flickr.com) (112)
(St. Petersburg Times) Amusing Police commandeer man's boat during his madien voyage in order to capture a vaccum cleaner thief. w/ "Things got weird" quote goodness  (tampabay.com) (46)
(Some Nut) Weird Obama is a Freemason and was heavily influenced by Gus Grissom, who was a martyr. Or something  (secretsun.blogspot.com) (141)
(CNBC) Sad John Barry, inventor of WD-40, dies. Rust in Peace  T-Shirt  (cnbc.com) (167)
(MosNews.com) Dumbass "Coolant Glutton" who claims to have supernatural powers such as the ability to drink acetone dies from blood poisoning. His only real superpower appeared to be stupidity  (mosnews.com) (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this proton debuncher  (bartoszekeng.com) (43)
(Google) Amusing America: "Okay, we've launched the test-missle. Shoot it down." Israel: "You know, on second thought..."  (google.com) (145)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Swine flu vaccines with be available in the US in October, just in time to implement Obama's mind control plan  (chron.com) (75)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Sanford Salvage fined $160,000. You big dummy  (orlandosentinel.com) (70)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting The government warns department not to have meetings in 'fun cities'  (online.wsj.com) (160)
(BBC) Fail "We're sorry our ancestors decapitated your great-great grandfather 171 years ago. You can have his head back now."  (heraldonline.com) (138)
(The Smoking Gun) Dumbass Naked and riding a bicycle is no way to go through life, alleged statutory rapist. With great police evidence photo (NSFW: man ass)  (thesmokinggun.com) (89)
(Some Guy) Obvious "Opinions of the United States are now about as positive as they were at the beginning of the decade before George W. Bush took office." Opinions of Matchbox 20 a decade later still at all time low  (pewglobal.org) (367)
(WFTV) Florida Police catch McDonald's robbers. Despite the right to remain silent, one kept muttering *robble robble robble*  (wftv.com) (46)
(Philly) Weird Newspaper columnist pretends his column is a blog. WTFilarity ensues  (philly.com) (70)
(Some Water Fearer) Cool If "Jaws" had been set in the South, they'd have used an ocean-going gator. Like this one  (wect.com) (123)
(ClusterStock) Asinine "10 Myths about the Subprime Crisis." List strangely omits "the bailouts are working" and "we've learned our lesson"  (businessinsider.com) (127)
(CBC) Spiffy It turns out that rescuing someone from a kidnapping is roughly equivalent to making monthly collision insurance payments  (cbc.ca) (95)
(Breitbart.com) Asinine California ditches all silly distractions and gets down to brass tacks in their budget debate: It's time to whine about how scary that knife was in the Governator's Twitter video. In related news, Fark needs a Pussification tag  (breitbart.com) (120)
(Wall Street Journal) Obvious What does it say about the United States that Michael Jackson is a household name but Neil Armstrong isn't? This author isn't exactly sure, but it's probably the fault of Godless liberal Hollyweird communists who hate America  (online.wsj.com) (311)
(MSNBC) Followup Obama personally waged a gallant 17-year-long war against the Cambridge Police Department's oppression, before finally being forced to bend his knee to their tyranny  (msnbc.msn.com) (331)
(Slashdot) Stupid 2010 Transformers Special Edition Camaro unveiled. For only $995, you get Transformer badges, Transformer racing stripes, and a bilingual co-star  (tech.slashdot.org) (207)
(Yahoo) PSA Dow Jones over 9,000 for the first time since the start of the year. This is bad news... for Obama  (finance.yahoo.com) (227)
(Yahoo) Unlikely Hospital says they dumped a brain-damaged illegal alien back in Guatemala because "he wanted to go home". The fact that he had no insurance and had already racked up a $1.5 million hospital bill was pure coincidence  (news.yahoo.com) (316)
(Chicago Tribune) Sappy Man delivers pizzas to top of Chicago skyscraper, attempting to set record for highest pizza delivery; Guinness rejects record, saying pizzas have been delivered high since at least the 1970s  T-Shirt  (chicagobreakingnews.com) (120)
(Some Bedroom) Photoshop Photoshop these diminutive dinosaurs  (my-expressions.com) (48)
(Yahoo) Weird East Indian women take a break from providing Western tech support to plow fields naked. This is to embarrass the weather gods into providing rain. Seriously  (news.yahoo.com) (188)
(Baltimore Sun) Stupid The Baltimore Sun, known for hard hitting journalism, presents the hairstyles of Michelle Obama (slideshow uselessness)  (baltimoresun.com) (55)
(Reuters) Strange Ireland may be unable to crown their new goat King this year after encountering trouble getting him to the ceremony. If only there were a handy phrase to describe how annoyed this makes them  (reuters.com) (82)
(Some Guy) Silly Mexico's cutthroat drug lords sport such fearsome nicknames as Barbie, Bunny Commander and Smurf  (wbaltv.com) (62)
(WBBM) Fail "Waiter, what's this condom doing in my soup?" "I think it's the backstroke"  (wbbm780.com) (37)
(Charlotte) Strange "Sometimes, you just gotta say: 'OK, I still have nine live, two-headed animals,' and move on."  (charlotteobserver.com) (45)
(The Local (Sweden)) Dumbass If you're living off state benefits because you're confined to a wheelchair, it's just common sense not to be photographed dancing with a giant rabbit  (thelocal.se) (52)
(BBC) Interesting German language annexes 5,000 new words, mostly from English  (news.bbc.co.uk) (114)
(UPI) Hero Two men with a cherry-picker go around New York City stealing ticket cameras  (upi.com) (148)
(AP) Obvious Massachussetts cop, who acted stupidly and arrested a renowned black scholar without knowing all the facts, is "disappointed" by Obama's comment that the police acted stupidly without knowing all the facts  (hosted.ap.org) (lots)
(NJ.com) Obvious 30 politicians and rabbis rounded up in massive federal corruption sweep, including a mayor who took office three weeks ago - in other words, just another Thursday in New Jersey, most of them are Democrats, nothing to see here, move along  (nj.com) (300)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Amusing I like my coffee like I like my racist politicians. Covered in beer  (lep.co.uk) (72)
(Stuff) Amusing Gallery invites visitors to deface sacred text. The muslim world shocked, plans demonst . . . wait, it was a bible? Nevermind  (stuff.co.nz) (300)
(Stuff) Dumbass French Foreign Legion accidentally starts bush fire that requires 170 firefighters, helicopters, and aircraft to extinguish. France surrenders  (stuff.co.nz) (38)
(Telegraph) Interesting Research shows adults forget three things a day, such as where they put their house keys, charging their mobile phones, and something else  T-Shirt  (telegraph.co.uk) (102)
(Guardian.com) Asinine What do you get for burying your company in a $14 billion mountain of debt, making it a takeover target? 74 MILLION dollars  (guardian.co.uk) (58)
(Metro) Cool If you can think of a better picture to illustrate a story about women experimenting with chocolate, let's see it  (metro.co.uk) (171)
(BBC) Interesting Church of England announces that they will now baptize bastards. Given that they've been ordaining them for years, this isn't a particularly huge step  (news.bbc.co.uk) (43)
(Real Business) Interesting In the wake of Dave Carroll's country-western Youtube hit, United Airlines sees stock price plunge ten per cent, dog die, car break down, woman leave  (realbusiness.co.uk) (109)
(Some Guy) PSA Common Bangkok airport scam: falsely accuse foreigners in duty-free store of shoplifting, then have the airport police extort money from them to avoid arrest  (travelmole.com) (39)
(Washington Post) Weird Beer-swilling Mormon Chihuahuans under attack by drug gangs in Mexico. You read that correctly  (washingtonpost.com) (41)
(Metro) Scary Leaving a label on the box of stuff you've donated to the charity shop is normally a good thing, but not when that label reads "Front Toward Enemy"  (metro.co.uk) (56)
(Yahoo) Obvious A.P. fact-checks Obama's press conference. Prez gets bonus points for proving his own assertions false in same press conference, multiple times  (news.yahoo.com) (524)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this rural recording  (i280.photobucket.com) (42)
(News.com.au) Obvious Girl-on-girl parties can ban men because they might "pester" women for sex. Obvious tag is in its bunk  (news.com.au) (157)
(News.com.au) Amusing Pyongyang say Hillary looks like a primary school girl, Bill says giggity  (news.com.au) (82)
(Telegraph) Interesting Taller men earn more than shorter colleagues. Begun, the height wars have  (telegraph.co.uk) (227)
(USA Today) Dumbass "Wow, the zoom on this camera is great... that bison looks like it's right in front of..." *GORE*  (usatoday.com) (60)
(KPLR) Florida Man marries a porn star and his employer congratulates him. Just kidding, they fired him  (kplr11.com) (195)
(Stuff) Hero Not news: Bank declines man's application for an $80,000 mortgage. News: Man responds by withdrawing his $190,000 in savings... in cash. Fark: Man demands it in $20 bills, gets all 9,500 of them  (stuff.co.nz) (187)
(ADA) Florida The American Decency Association helpfully provides a sample letter for you to express your outrage over a proposed Key West nude beach. Whatever you do, don't change the text to reflect your own thoughts  (americandecency.org) (90)
(UPI) Weeners PETA protests "National Hot Dog Day," the only way they know how. Kinda-Not safe for work slideshow, and please don't let the tag discourage you  (upi.com) (203)
(Komo) Cool Seattle woman and her live-in boyfriends in national spotlight. With "yeah, I'd hit it" video  (komonews.com) (319)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 220: "Industrial Arts" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme  (farktography.net) (178)

Wed July 22, 2009
(Vanity Fair) Interesting Harvard is going broke. 373 years of college down the drain  (vanityfair.com) (155)
(Denver Post) Interesting Bear breaks into the office of a community TV station, eats everything in the fridge, overturns a trash can, knocks over a filing cabinet, and poops and pees all over the place before leaving. MTV considers giving him his own show  (denverpost.com) (36)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Once again scientists determine that suckling on a mother's breast is normal, healthy, relaxing, and fun. Plus there's some kind of benefit for infants as well  (dailymail.co.uk) (230)
(Yahoo) Florida ♫ When I find my mouth in times of trouble, Rosa's chair for gums and teeth. Screeching drills on wisdoms...dentistry ♫  (news.yahoo.com) (34)
(BBC) Interesting Michael Jackson's doctor's clinic raided for signs of manslaughter. Next up: Neverland, for signs of children's laughter  (news.bbc.co.uk) (76)
(WFTV) Florida $70,000 worth of horse piss stolen in Tampa  (wftv.com) (63)
(London Times) Hero British bomb disposal expert writes about his craft, fails to mention the proper procedure to follow if you step on a mine  (timesonline.co.uk) (53)
(3 News New Zealand) Amusing If your daycare center has to call firefighters to remove the tambourine you got stuck around your neck, you may have a short bus in your future  (3news.co.nz) (40)
(CNN) Spiffy "Goldman 'warrants' raves from Congress," Ted Kennedy seen getting the glow sticks, McConnell's bringing the E  (money.cnn.com) (99)
(CTV) Sad Les Lye, who played every adult on "You Can't Do That on Television" passes away at age 84. Was there a better children's character actor? I don't know. *SPLAT*  (ottawa.ctv.ca) (419)
(TechnologyReview) Cool Scientists copy your girlfriend's ability to cut into your brain with high pitched sound  (technologyreview.com) (44)
(News.com.au) Followup Nearly two-thirds of airline passengers would be willing to stand during a one-hour flight if the flight were free, according to a Ryanair survey. Wait until they find out about the $100 in-flight cabin pressurization fee  (news.com.au) (121)
(PhysOrg.com) Cool German recipient of first double-arm transplant scratched his head and back, still can't rub his tummy and pat his head at the same time  (physorg.com) (38)
(AP) Weird Phrases you don't normally see in the course of a murder investigation: "portable urinals", "nude women with artificial limbs", and "Batman collectibles"  (lohud.com) (49)
(TBO) Amusing UFIA gets you free tickets to a Tampa Bay Rays game. Gives new meaning to the 7th inning stretch  (www2.tbo.com) (67)
(Some Buddy) Hero For the third year in a row, TFer Squarebobspongepants is taking a 150 mile bike ride for his own cause - MS. Come in and lend some kind words and if you can, help him acheive his goal. CLICK THE LINK  (main.nationalmssociety.org) (227)
(Washington Times) Asinine Pro tip: If you're the dictator-in-training from a Central American country and want to steal $2 million from the country's central bank, make sure the security cameras are off. Oh, and don't get ousted in a coup either  (washingtontimes.com) (109)
(CNBC) Hero Goldman repays TARP bailout, gives taxpayers 23% rate of return on their money  (cnbc.com) (285)
(Some Guy) Fail "Honey, where are the kids?" "Oh, they're in the living room playing with a lighter, a can of hair spray and a bottle of rubbing alcohol." "Okay -- long as you're keeping an eye on them"  (gazette.com) (55)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this antarctic airfield  (englishrussia.com) (65)
(IdahoNews) Interesting Cop does his best to give police a good name by threatening to stick a Taser gun up a suspect's butt  (2news.tv) (119)
(The Daily Show) Followup The Fart Wars have begun  (thedailyshow.com) (86)
(The Sun) Unlikely Man shows up at hospital explaining that he shoved a hammer head up his butt to try and cure his constipation. Then it gets weird (with X-rays)  (thesun.co.uk) (212)
(BBC) Followup Massive earthquake earlier this month was strong enough to move Australia and Australia Jr. closer together  (news.bbc.co.uk) (94)
(The Roanoke Times) Fail Missing records on Virginia Tech shooting found in former counseling center director's home; says director, "Um, sorry about that, guys"  (roanoke.com) (49)
(QC Online) Amusing Blimp, pizza-delivery car, Utah resident, and a drive-in theater. It starts off so promising but only ends up with a lost dog returning home  (qconline.com) (15)
(Wired) Interesting Proper punctuation is the difference between helping your uncle Jack off a horse and being forced to blow up several million dollars worth of space probe  (wired.com) (190)
(Lincoln Journal Star) Fail Not News: Two men rob convenience stores. Fark: for Keystone Light. Police on the lookout for 18-20yo college students  (journalstar.com) (71)
(Reason Magazine) Obvious How phony statistics about cocaine prices hide the truth about the war on drugs  (reason.com) (133)
(Yahoo) Interesting Kaplan and Phoenix not among colleges that produce the best-paid graduates  (finance.yahoo.com) (164)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Mexican immigrants at lowest levels in 10 years, presumably due to improvements in tire and hydraulics technology  (chron.com) (189)
(Houston Chronicle) Strange Man complains he was "bitten and fondled" by female McDonald's workers in what police term case of "aggressive flirting"  (chron.com) (123)
(Some Naked Guy) Dumbass Today's naked intruder tased broght to you by Manassas. At least he lived up to the town name  (www2.insidenova.com) (42)
(Canoe) Hero Black, white protesters clash at Texas rally amid screams of "Black Power" and "White Power". Duck, rabbit season rally scheduled for tomorrow  (cnews.canoe.ca) (353)
(CNN) Amusing Recession Tips 101: 43 Things not to say during a job interview, including "I'm not wanted in this state.", "How many young women work here?", and "What is your company's policy on Monday absences?"  (cnn.com) (190)
(Gawker) Dumbass Thomas Friedman: Our troops are stupid. Seriously  (gawker.com) (304)
(Rochester D&C) Misc EBaum wants steak?  (democratandchronicle.com) (128)
(Baltimore Sun) Cool Students in Baltimore City Public Schools are actually learning something. This is news because it never happened before  (baltimoresun.com) (37)
(Canoe) Scary Turns out everything you have secretly feared about Chinese restaurants is true  (cnews.canoe.ca) (174)
(abclocal.go.com) Amusing Facing off against NYC Mayor Bloomberg in the upcoming election will be... the Naked Cowboy?  (abclocal.go.com) (65)
(The Age (Melbourne)) Obvious Study finds the hot water in hot water bottles can be hot  (theage.com.au) (28)
(Some Guy) Amusing Arlington man called for jury duty four years after his death  (pnwlocalnews.com) (56)
(BBC) Followup Police arrest 65-year-old hooker in Mexican midget wrestler murder case. Now they are looking for "The Fat One"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (47)
(Contact Music) Scary For those of you who like to smell like sewage treatment plants, beer cans with cigarettes in them, and smoldering garbage, you'll be glad to know that Amy Winehouse has a perfume line in the works  (contactmusic.com) (65)
(WBBM) Followup Cost of Michael Jackson tribute being scrutinzed. $48,000 for sandwiches to feed the cops doesn't seem so bad for Los Angeles  (wbbm780.com) (44)
(Answers.com) Cool "I'll take 69 for 200, Trebek." "No, Mr. Connery, you fool. The category is 'My Birthday'" "You sure, Trebek? Because your mom and I were doing 69 last night"  (answers.com) (70)
(Washington Post) Dumbass Meet Virginia Governor Tim "Rovin'" Kaine (D), the man who makes Sarah Palin's quitting speech look prescient  (washingtonpost.com) (100)
(People Magazine) Misc Gidget the Taco Bell Chihuahua has died at the age of 16. "Sad"? "Cool"? Eh, let's split the difference and go with the under-appreciated "Misc"  (people.com) (96)
(ynetnews.com) Amusing Iranian VP: "When I said Iran was Israel's friend it was a joke, psychological warfare, like when I tell my wife I love her...crap"  (ynetnews.com) (31)
(Some Guy) Amusing South Korean Parliment erupts into a good old fashioned brawl. What I wouldn't pay to see Henry Waxman and Barney Frank get into a slap fight just once. Sigh, the US Congress is just no fun  (vetocorleone.com) (57)
(Local6) Florida Dead shark left in Miami street as an example of what happens to sharks that attack beach-goers. "I thought it was a body because of all the shootings that have been going on."  (clickorlando.com) (23)
(RedOrbit) Strange Man sprays glue in females' hair. At least he says it was glue  (redorbit.com) (13)
(KSDK St. Louis) Obvious News team shocked to find parking tickets on their illegally parked News vans after story on illegally parked police vehicles in front of police HQ  (ksdk.com) (48)
(Independent) Dumbass Peg legged, epileptic, Alice Cooper fan will be spared jail time for assault due to bad health, taste in music  (independent.co.uk) (57)
(Daily Mail) Sappy "Badger whisperer" is accepted into the badger community, spends time talking about mushrooms, snakes  (dailymail.co.uk) (59)
(RedOrbit) Amusing Sea-converted Maserati seized in Italy. Roger Moore wanted for questioning  (redorbit.com) (57)
(ABC News) Obvious NASA says we will get to Mars (as soon as construction of the sound studio is finished)  (abcnews.go.com) (143)
(Canoe) Followup Millions view solar eclipse, nothing ever again  (cnews.canoe.ca) (45)
(Time) Hero "One man in his thirties...has been to almost every protest so far, a bag of metal bearings in his pocket and a slingshot under his belt he uses to target the Basij. "Yes, I'm risking my life."  (time.com) (138)
(New York Daily News) Dumbass Window dresser decides to create a display of bloody, well-dressed mannequins to illustrate the idea they are "dressed to kill." Customers and store management freak out [photo goodness]  (nydailynews.com) (44)
(MSNBC) Asinine Let's not forget the "Blingsters" when we think about the victims of the recession  (msnbc.msn.com) (108)
(NYPost) Followup Erin Andrews is OUTRAGED that stills of her nude peephole video were published on Page 1 of the New York Post, reports the New York Post. OUTRAGED  (nypost.com) (296)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Woman makes the mistake of buying a computer at Best Buy and believing the commercials that claim they have a "knowledgable staff." Her letter to the company's CEO is priceless  (consumerist.com) (319)
(CTV) Scary Swine flu has adapted. Resistance is futile. Why are you breaking your little ships?  (ctv.ca) (114)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup No, you cannot dodge your $80,000 property tax bill by claiming that your $3 million mansion is really a Church of Spiritual Humanism. Better luck next time  (chicagotribune.com) (61)
(The New York Times) Sad Within three months of Neil Armstrong's landing on the moon, NASA laid off their top engineers. Here's why  (nytimes.com) (183)
(STLToday) Asinine What's happening to this country where a man coming home from a hard day's work, and having his dinner and TV time interrupted, can't tell telemarketers that he'll burn down their offices and kill them all and their families?  (stltoday.com) (215)
(Telegraph) Amusing Organising a fete but can't get enough decorations? No problem, just use the Vicar's underpants  (telegraph.co.uk) (16)
(Yahoo) Silly Santa Claus World Congress opens with some hot elf-on-elf action  (news.yahoo.com) (71)
(BBC) Ironic In an apparent misunderstanding, knife deaths are up during Tackling Knives Action Programme  (newsvote.bbc.co.uk) (81)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass Drunk driver crashes into cop car. For his next trick, he's going to cover himself in cocaine and break into Gary Busey's house  (mcall.com) (18)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this seashell on the seashore  (flickr.com) (52)
(The Local (Germany)) Scary Supermarket near Berlin collapses 20 minutes after closing time. Millions of Americans scratch their heads and ask "supermarkets close?"  (thelocal.de) (102)
(Seacoastonline.com) Scary All of them had drugs to sell, like the mother... the youngest one with pills  (seacoastonline.com) (47)
(Fox News) Sick Woman's body found in machine at McDonald's food processing plant. Corporate officials ask for a moment of soylents  T-Shirt  (foxnews.com) (163)
(USA Today) Strange Athiests are flocking to "de-baptism" ceremonies. After you get wet, you're dried off with the "hairdryer of reason" and you receive a "de-sacrament" of crackers and peanut butter  (usatoday.com) (lots)
(News.com.au) Fail Today's Fark-ready headline: "Theft ends in torn genitals"  (themercury.com.au) (40)
(3 News New Zealand) Scary A man walks onto a train carrying a shark. Fark: It's still alive  (3news.co.nz) (65)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Followup The man who created the road-side "Barrel Monster" gets sentenced to 50 hours of community service. Hopes to do it volunteering on a road-side cleanup crew  (newsobserver.com) (80)
(Daily Mail) Cool No, giraffe, you can't drink my coffee. Not yours (w/ strangest pics you'll see all day)  (dailymail.co.uk) (114)
(Fox News) Interesting Fortunately, if you tell the cop you're sleeping it off because you're too drunk to drive and he orders you to drive anyway, the state appeals court will throw out your drunk driving conviction  (foxnews.com) (88)
(Nola.com) Unlikely 37,000 Lutherans converge on New Orleans, apparently hell-bent on testing their faith  (nola.com) (88)
(Huffington Post) Sappy I can haz babby Asian Bearcat?  (huffingtonpost.com) (59)
(Some Guy) Cool Acupuncture helps women conceive. Wouldn't be the first time that conception involved a little prick  T-Shirt  (keloland.com) (55)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop what you see here  (ljplus.ru) (49)
(CBS Pittsburgh) Obvious Consumer reporter shocked to find expired and unsafe items on dollar store shelves  (kdka.com) (46)
(CBS Baltimore) Stupid Two Baltimore mothers shocked to learn that their thieving children were handcuffed and locked in a juvenile cell for stealing  (wjz.com) (95)
(The News & Observer (NC)) Fail DA drops charges against ex-con shot by his former prison psychiatrist turned lover, who invited him to move in after taking out a restraining order against him. Florida is thattaway, people  (newsobserver.com) (37)
(Fox 8 Cleveland) Fail Cruise ship full of deaf Catholics runs into a breakwall off Cleveland. There's the setup, submit your punchline to the right (voting enabled)  (fox8.com) (120)
(Some Guy) Interesting Doctors and lawyers find they save money by admitting mistakes and offering compensation up front  (mddailyrecord.com) (37)
(Guardian.com) Obvious Churches stop offering communion wine to halt spread of swine flu in latest proof that atheists will live longer than Christians, burn in hell after  (guardian.co.uk) (93)
(BBC) Sad British pubs closing at the rate of 52 per week. That's a year's worth of weeks every week, which is a lot  (news.bbc.co.uk) (99)
(Fox News) Scary Reporter discovers why DC was just named the most dangerous city to drive in, catches bus driver reading in traffic  (foxnews.com) (40)

Tue July 21, 2009
(Sky News) Obvious Media finally tackles issue that matters, pointing out it's cheaper to pack a lunch than buy one  (news.sky.com) (64)
(CNN) Hero Hero. Hero. Hero. Hero. Hero. Hero. Hero  (cnn.com) (353)
(SLTrib) Dumbass Forty six year old teacher. 13 year old boy. Nef said. (with sad hittable pic)  (sltrib.com) (169)
(Some Guy) Obvious Australian army plans to cut and run from Afghanistan in "three to four years", leaving no more trace of their being there than a billbong and a blood-soaked shirt that is stained with whiskey  (gulf-times.com) (64)
(Some Amazing Pictures) Cool The 17 most alien landscapes on the planet. Cool tag would pack a bag and jump on a plane in a second to see some of these if it wasn't chained to its farking job  (matadortrips.com) (162)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this keg of beer. Wonderful, precious beer  (cdn.okcimg.com) (48)
(ZUG.com) Hero Man gets Verizon CEO's unlisted address, then visits his house to complain about Verizon's lack of security  (zug.com) (93)
(The State) Ironic Mark Sanford again brings up the subject of his affair--to tell everyone to stop talking about it and move forward  (thestate.com) (81)
(SFGate) Sad California court rules that state can now ban nude sunbathing at all California state beaches; nudist group says its members will be a-peelin'  T-Shirt  (sfgate.com) (136)
(WBBM) Unlikely University of Illinois/Chicago gets $3M grant to study lesbian drinking habits  (wbbm780.com) (166)
(Yahoo) Obvious Sarah Palin implicated in Alaska ethics probe. This could make her "I resigned because that's what good point guards do" story look a little weak in hindsight  (fe17.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com) (789)
(WSB-TV) Cool We interrupt your normal Fark programming of weird news so that you can have a new puppy. Offer not valid if your last name is Vick  (wsbtv.com) (254)
(Wonkette) Dumbass Mike Castle holds a Town Hall and his constituents ask him fair but hard questions about the economy. Just kidding, they scream about Obama being a citizen of Kenya and then force everyone to pledge allegiance to the flag  (wonkette.com) (746)
(Reuters) Strange Need some rain? Take two frogs and wed them. Unfortunately nobody knows what breed of frogs, but surely up-to-date India will spot the right ones  (uk.reuters.com) (40)
(Bloomberg) Scary Quebec hit by 4.1-magnitude earthquake. TOUT LE MONDE PANIQUE  (bloomberg.com) (113)
(Yahoo) Sad Senate votes to kill the F-22. What did the Raptor ever do to them, besides being twice as expensive as and less versatile than the F-35?  (news.yahoo.com) (591)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy English entry for Miss World chosen. Second place goes to Lance Corporal Barbie, who in her spare time likes to disarm Iraqi insurgents with her bare hands. Judges seen driving away at high speed  (dailymail.co.uk) (114)
(Gawker) Amusing Gawker says that Sarah Palin's twitter ramblings are the best trainwreck the internet has ever produced  (gawker.com) (347)
(NPR) Obvious Somalia tops the list of "Failed States." Mississippi, West Virginia, New Jersey breathe sighs of relief  (npr.org) (127)
(Tulsa World) Dumbass If you are throwing children to make your point, perhaps the neighbors are not quite the busybodies that they seem  (tulsaworld.com) (77)
(YouTube) Amusing If the moon landing happened today, this is how the mainstream media would cover it  (youtube.com) (128)
(Boston Herald) Followup Defense attorney: Law against reckless operation of trains is 135 years old, too old to enforce. Prosecutor: Law against murder is 225 years old and we enforce it all the time  (bostonherald.com) (155)
(BBC) Hero German court throws out lawsuit filed by woman who demanded cleaners come up with a final solution for country's spiders  (news.bbc.co.uk) (59)
(The Sun) Obvious Nanny state ponders difficult question of "should cops carry guns?"  (thesun.co.uk) (252)
(CBC) Dumbass Swine flu investigators took off their face masks while taking nasal and blood samples from infected pigs. Guess what happened next  (cbc.ca) (42)
(Independent) Interesting Finalists for 'Seven Wonders Of Nature' named. Bea Arthur inexplicably not on shortlist  (independent.co.uk) (50)
(The Consumerist) Fail Thinking about buying the new Camaro? You may want to take this 68-point checklist of known issues with you  (consumerist.com) (234)
(Wall Street Journal) Scary California's public retirement system will report a 23 percent loss for the recent fiscal year, a decline of $55 billion in assets, more than the GDP of 111 countries  (online.wsj.com) (68)
(Some Guy) Dumbass How do you know you have relatives from Alabama? When the newspaper headline reads "Guns seized, two arrested after family reunion", that's how  (wbbm780.com) (24)
(National Review) Obvious Congress has to pass health care now, for good reason: "The longer Obama's health-care program marinates in the sun, the worse it smells"  (article.nationalreview.com) (519)
(Fox News) Interesting Biden indicates US support for Ukraine's bid to join NATO, stick thumb in Putin's eye. Still no for confirmation from administration official with actual authority  (foxnews.com) (49)
(WBBM) Stupid Why wouldn't you have a stun gun in a Lutheran shelter for kids?  (wbbm780.com) (39)
(Guardian.com) PSA It's National Art Hate Week. Visit a local gallery, find some art that is stupid, and loudly discuss how a 3 year old could have painted that  (guardian.co.uk) (141)
(Some Guy) Sappy Happy Birthday, Happy Meal - making kids fat for 30 years  (parentdish.com) (172)
(AJC) Followup Following the lead of other airlines, Delta adds a $5 convenience fee for the privilege of paying fees in person. What's next? Paying $5 a month to look at ads?  (ajc.com) (137)
(Some Amusement Park Denizen) Photoshop Photoshop these thrill-seekers  (valleyfair.com) (22)
(Albany Times Union) Asinine Step 1, build man cave in parking garage. Step 2, claim overtime while smoking pot all day. Step 3, profit. Math so easy Siragusa can understand it  (timesunion.com) (65)
(Panama City News Herald) Florida 10 days contempt of court for the hearing impaired man who asked a question. From a judge whose son was let go without any penalties for leaving the scene of an accident while drunk 5 months ago. With video  (newsherald.com) (86)
(Billings Gazette) Scary Bad: driving into school zone while intoxicated. Worse: driving into school while intoxicated  (billingsgazette.com) (14)
(Denver Post) Asinine Someone didn't have his coffee: Cop pulls his weapon at a McDonald's to speed up his breakfast order  (denverpost.com) (110)
(Someone on Craigslist) Ironic A slut nixes sex in Tulsa  (pryordailytimes.com) (161)
(Reuters) Interesting UN reports a $4.8 billion shortfall in aid to poor countries, will convene a lunch meeting at Per Se to discuss it  (reuters.com) (48)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Stupid County: "We need to raise taxes." Residents: "Wharrgarbl" County: "Then we need to fire some cops and close some libraries." Residents: "Wharrgarbl" County: "Okay, geniuses, what do you suggest?"  (gwinnettdailypost.com) (314)
(Daily Mail) Cool We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me; Shall be my brother and show upon this list to his advantage  (dailymail.co.uk) (85)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Leave your grandkids in a hot car while you go play the slots? That's a year in the comfort of your own home  (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com) (66)
(BBC) Obvious Scottish fish factory announces closure. Where is your cod now?  (news.bbc.co.uk) (61)
(Metro) Strange Cock shoots Hustler in tragic story of gun rampage made unintentionally hilarious by amusing surnames  (metro.co.uk) (36)
(Daily Mail) Amusing You steal a woman's bike, she runs over you with her Jag. It's the Ferndown way  (dailymail.co.uk) (78)
(Rian.Ru) Dumbass No matter how much you hope it will, drinking gasoline is not going to transform you into Optimus Prime  (en.rian.ru) (148)
(The Sun) Amusing Britain's Prince Andrew taking lessons from a ballet teacher to improve his golf swing. The Sun's crack team of photoshoppers shows you what that might look like  (thesun.co.uk) (43)
(The Local (Sweden)) Obvious When same-sex marriages are legalized, lesbians run to the altar lickety-split, while gay men prefer just dicking around  (thelocal.se) (226)
(The Augusta Chronicle) Amusing Baby born at burger joint. That's one small fry to go  T-Shirt  (chronicle.augusta.com) (47)
(Daily Mail) Cool Not news: Man rides 860-meter roller coaster track in just over a minute. Fark: Without a roller coaster  (dailymail.co.uk) (82)
(Telegraph) Strange German man arrested for stealing 1,000 pairs of underpants without having a clearly defined phase 2  (telegraph.co.uk) (27)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Strange "So, we're all settled then. You murder my parents and I'll let you bite my penis off"  (lep.co.uk) (159)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Robber easily identified by tattoo of Fark's favorite state on his face  (blogs.tampabay.com) (118)
(Telegraph) Amusing Las Vegas man suing police for his Constitutional right to be Elvis  (telegraph.co.uk) (27)
(Some musician) Photoshop Photoshop this piccolo player and his orange friend  (cdntn.madison.com) (46)
(Flickr) Caption Caption these whispering bandits  (flickr.com) (59)
(Australian Telegraph) Dumbass A helpful hint for the Australian police: When investigating someone you believe to be huffing gasoline, the taser is not your friend  (dailytelegraph.com.au) (52)
(Some Chick) Asinine Slow news day in Arizona: Woman burns her ass on hot penny in car  (abc15.com) (134)
(Piedmont Triad / WFMY News 2) Fail Stealing half a dozen tractor trailers is impressive, but parking them in your front lawn isn't the best of ideas  (digtriad.com) (11)
(Baltimore Sun) Scary The Maryland Transit Administration is considering installing audio surveillance equipment on its buses and trains to record conversations of passengers and employees  (baltimoresun.com) (105)
(Telegraph) Cool Interested in buying a refurbished 1940's designer home with 360 degree views, machine gun nests?  (telegraph.co.uk) (97)
(The New York Times) Amusing Money saving tip #242: skip the expensive funeral and bury your loved ones in your own yard. #243: Have your coffin made ahead of time and use it as an entertainment center  (nytimes.com) (72)
(Reuters) Interesting By 2040, the Earth will have 1.3 billion lawns for you kids to get off of  (reuters.com) (61)
(Omaha World Herald) Amusing State of Nebraska's plan to issue new, ultra secure driver's licenses foiled by metalic party balloons striking a power line. IT consulting experts shocked, SHOCKED to learn that State IT guys don't know about surge protectors  (omaha.com) (93)

Mon July 20, 2009
(9 News) Sad Colorado is ceasing its "Committed to a Cure" breast cancer license plate because of politics. Still no cure for politicians  (9news.com) (94)
(LA Times) Fail Fark-ready story of the day: Luxury resort AIG execs went to days after accepting bailout foreclosed by Citigroup  (latimes.com) (64)
(Asylum) Amusing How to write a Fark-worthy headline: Make sure to mention monkeys, lingerie, and petty larceny  (asylum.com) (19)
(Some Bloke) Dumbass One more time: If your girlfriend gets her license suspended for a DUI, it's not smart to get good and drunk before you drive her to the police station to pick it up  (theprovince.com) (19)
(Fosters Daily Democrat) Ironic Fire disrupts cremation at funeral home  (fosters.com) (56)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Remember, before reporting your child missing and triggering a huge search, be sure to check her bed  (capecodonline.com) (53)
(State News) Followup Actual leading paragraph of news story: "MSU police are following a flow of information regarding two leads in a series of thefts from feminine-hygiene product dispensers"  (statenews.com) (68)
(SMH) Obvious Scientists discover babies and toddlers have twice the risk of head injuries than children of any other age, presumably because they fall over a lot  (smh.com.au) (66)
(Yahoo) Obvious Nationally famous black professor Henry Louis Gates arrested for trying to break into own home. Race Card trumps Apology Card  (news.yahoo.com) (387)
(Politico) Amusing SNL and Daily Show expected to highlight Bush's latest gaffe claiming his new health care program will create greater inefficiencies and that he will have a new wellness prevention system. Oh wait, it was Obama? Never mind  (politico.com) (689)
(Some Guy) Interesting Playing Neil Armstrong in the movies or on TV is as much a career-killer as playing Jesus  (blogs.houstonpress.com) (86)
(Some non-Powerpoint Ranger) Obvious • Powerpoint is actively hostile to thoughtful decision-making. • It reduces complex ideas to bullet points. • Decision makers are given less time to think. • The Pentagon has made a cult of the PowerPoint presentation  (armedforcesjournal.com) (160)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this sleeper in the Sequoias. Difficulty: No bears  (farm3.static.flickr.com) (80)
(WWL) Ironic Audit finds that director of state abstinence program inappropriately fondled contracts, screwed taxpayers out of thousands of dollars  (wwl.com) (83)
(Yahoo) Interesting Astronauts perform spacewalk on Apollo 11 anniversary, since moonwalk would have been tacky, too soon  T-Shirt  (news.yahoo.com) (77)
(NYPost) Spiffy Man, who will soon perish in a mysterious deep fryer "accident", deciphers KFC Secret Recipe  (nypost.com) (265)
(Yahoo) Obvious Montana man next to be featured in ongoing series of news stories entitled: "Worlds Oldest Man Dies"  (news.yahoo.com) (44)
(Forbes) Obvious Like a teenage mother who's pregnant again, Wall Street learned nothing  (forbes.com) (120)
(LA Times) Amusing African-American Michael Hunt appears before L.A. City Council in KKK garb to challenge free speech limitations. Fark: Columnist appreciates irony of his name  (latimesblogs.latimes.com) (90)
(Philly) Stupid Amendment to expand reciprocity to all states that allow law-abiding citizens to carry a concealed weapon is very scary and should be stopped, because those law-abiding citizens will kill us all  (philly.com) (437)
(Fox News) Followup Obama pushes Congress to pass health care reform, says 'we can't afford the politics of delay and defeat', apparently hasn't noticed we also can't afford 'pass it quick without even reading it.'  (foxnews.com) (489)
(CBC) Amusing Journey's Steve Perry admits that he only wrote about "South Detroit" in "Don't Stop Believing" because he didn't like the sound of "North Detroit," and was unaware that South Detroit is actually Canada  (cbc.ca) (333)
(SeattlePI) Fail "Can you identify the defendant?" "That man there" "Err, try for best two-out-of-three?"  (seattlepi.com) (24)
(Stuff) Amusing Residents of New Zealand's "Muff Road" are trying to get its name changed because visiting men can never find the right place  (stuff.co.nz) (52)
(Fox News) Scary If you have Hep A please call out sick. 10,000 McDonald's customers will thank you  (foxnews.com) (91)
(YouTube) Hero TODAY WOULD HAVE BILLY MAYS' 51st BIRTHDAY. TRIBUTE VIDEO TO THE LEFT, ALL-CAPS THREAD TO THE RIGHT  (youtube.com) (279)
(Hot Air) Obvious The media never pronounces a leftist unelectable because their ideology will turn away independent voters. Conservatives, on the other hand, the media has a problem with  (hotair.com) (410)
(NYPost) Scary Congress is spending about $3 trillion more, adjusted for inflation, in 2009 than it did in 1945, at the end of World War II  (nypost.com) (248)
(Slashdot) Followup Remember that Honduran president who got thrown out of office for trying to change the constitution? Yeah, he was going to rig the referendum to do it. Here comes the black box voting  (news.slashdot.org) (97)
(Toronto Sun) Dumbass Man busted for speeding on highway while watching porn. But was it a stick shift?  (torontosun.com) (94)
(The Morning Call) Dumbass If you steal $69,000 in gold coins, you probably shouldn't break the safe open while in a crowded parking lot. People might, you know, ask questions, matey  (mcall.com) (47)
(The Consumerist) Sick Don't want a security system? ADT threatens that thieves will kill your dogs with oven cleaner  (consumerist.com) (219)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Note to self: Company-issued credit cards are for travel and subsistence purposes only. Addendum: Especially if they're from the police department. Footnote: Sex toys are not subsistence  (dailymail.co.uk) (31)
(The New York Times) Interesting Saudi Arabia cancels the country's only film festival on news that the movies will feature people doing things other than praying and beating women for not covering their ankles  (artsbeat.blogs.nytimes.com) (83)
(Drew) FarkBlog Drew sets up Fark's Media Power Rankings, and recognizes some of our favorite Headlines of the Week for 7/12 - 7/18  (fark.com) (19)
(Guardian.com) Amusing South African Bank begins deploying ATM machines with automatic pepper-spray systems. So far three technicians working on the machines have been incapacitated  (guardian.co.uk) (52)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine Swine flu, which was going to kill us all then wasn't a big deal then might kill us all then is pretty mild, might kill you again. Maybe  (chron.com) (65)
(Deux Ex Malcontent) Ironic "I can't seem to get past the unintentionally amusing irony of what the coverage of [Cronkite's] death says about the importance of the man"  (deusexmalcontent.com) (126)
(Some Guy) Cool The moon landing meant a lot of things to a lot of different people. You've never thought of this one  (herald-mail.com) (171)
(The Sun) Dumbass Today's headline: "iPhone application lets your find nearest cannabis dealer." Tomorrow's headline: "Thousands of cannabis dealers arrested after iPot busts"  (thesun.co.uk) (50)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop theme: If retirees were in charge  (images.google.com) (32)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida If you're whacked out on Hydrocodone and carrying weapons, try not to do anything to attract attention to yourself. Like backing into a toll booth barrier  (sun-sentinel.com) (23)
(Boston Globe) Followup Boston mayor offers $200,000 loan to save newspaper that's been critical of him. Newspaper responds: Hand it over. Impartiality be damned, "only a fool wouldn't take it'  (boston.com) (19)
(AZCentral) Scary The buzz in Phoenix is that huge swarms of attacking wild bees are on the rise. "It can happen anywhere at any time"  (azcentral.com) (33)
(The Atlantic) Followup Kindle users: "Why did you delete 'Animal Farm' and '1984' from the catalog?" Amazon: "We are not evil Totalitarians." Users: "Ok, but when can..." Amazon: "NO MORE QUESTIONS, CITIZEN."  (business.theatlantic.com) (204)
(3 News New Zealand) Asinine News: Man facing jury trial for hitting his nephew. Fark: With a small decorative cushion  (3news.co.nz) (51)
(Philly) Asinine You are the son of a policeman in Philly and accidently hit someone's car do you a: apologize b: exchange info or c: Get police dad to go beat up driver of the car, have them framed for assault, and try to destroy the video?  (philly.com) (279)
(USDA) PSA "Press reports suggesting that the Recovery Act spent $1.191 million to buy 2 pounds of ham are wrong."  (usda.gov) (422)
(News.com.au) Strange Recently released cannibal seeks tasty young lady for nice dinner and possibly more  (news.com.au) (41)
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine "If money were no object, Teddy would have clothes, blinging collars, and Momma would have a matching purse," says crazy dog lady with too much disposable income  (chron.com) (49)
(Mercury News) Strange Police chase down man who rang doorbells while naked. Then it gets weird  (mercurynews.com) (29)
(Some Yogi) Amusing Drunk people passed out in yoga positions  (funtuna.blogspot.com) (33)
(apan Today) Strange We all know that times are tough, but bad enough that the Yakuza are emulating match.com?  (japantoday.com) (13)
(Daily Yomiuri) Weird Two Japanese traffic lights simultaneously flashed green at T-intersection for 30 years due to programming error. No one noticed until June accident brought it to police attention  (yomiuri.co.jp) (63)
(Yahoo) Interesting Scientists discover that what really made the Neanderthals go extinct was not enough actual females. Bad news for the Internet  (news.yahoo.com) (216)
(CBS Sacramento) Fail Fire performers become belligerent after being asked to not swing fire around near houses. "There was a guy literally swirling fire like nunchucks...it was surreal"  (cbs13.com) (36)
(Gizmodo) Amusing In space, no one can hear you fap (A few Not safe for workish pics in article)  (gizmodo.com) (46)
(YouTube) Spiffy Trailer for a 70's movie starring Isaac Hayes & Yaphet Kotto.. possibly the greatest movie trailer in the history of carbon-based lifeforms  (youtube.com) (118)
(UPI) PSA Top 10 foods to avoid while driving. List raises the question: who the hell eats ribs and wings while driving?  (upi.com) (212)
(My Fox DC) Cool Apollo 11 crew: Where are they now?  (myfoxdc.com) (117)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Panhandler mom claims to have three kids in hidden camp in the woods. Good Samaritan stops by with amazing help for the family. Newspaper reporter and photographer happen to be there. Awkwardarility ensues  (tampabay.com) (446)
(FARK) Photoshop Photoshop Theme: Famous little people made tall, or famous tall people made little  (fark.com) (46)
(London Times) Amusing The next time you're planning your brilliant robbery, try to pick an escape vehicle which can go faster than a fat man on foot  (timesonline.co.uk) (25)
(BBC) Interesting UK reduces terror threat alert from "YIKES" to "Steady on"  (news.bbc.co.uk) (34)
(CNN) Sappy Ohio boy sells his toys to raise money for his family. "You can't live in toys, or eat toys. Even though they are fun, you don't need them"  (cnn.com) (82)
(SeattlePI) Dumbass Man accidentally shoots self while showing driver his gun. That's the last time he rides shotgun  (seattlepi.com) (23)
(New York Daily News) Interesting Are you a wimpy white collar criminal about to be thrown in the big house? Better get a prison coach  (nydailynews.com) (43)
(Haaretz) Obvious Netanyahu "surprised" by U.S. demand to halt Jewish housing project in East Jerusalem, "flabbergasted" that water is wet, "utterly gobsmacked" that sky is blue  (haaretz.com) (163)
(MSNBC) Interesting Kelly Hildebrandt marries Kelly Hildebrandt, but she's keeping her name  (msnbc.msn.com) (101)
(IndyStar) Amusing Somebody get these mother****ing scorpions off this mother****ing plane  (indystar.com) (39)
(Some Chick) Hero Six year-old Tyler Egan saves his family from a house fire by remembering what he learned from a visiting firefighter at his school  (columbiamissourian.com) (39)
(CNN) Strange Is "Absolutely" the new "Yes"? Absolutely. Is O.J. Simpson responsible? Absolutely. SRSLY? Absolutely  (cnn.com) (118)
(CBS New York) Weird Old and busted: Bobblehead Day. New Hotness: Preggo Day, replete with on-field Lamaze class, expectant mothers throwing 1st pitch. Bonus: Name your kid after team, get season tickets for life  (wcbstv.com) (50)
(Daily Mail) Asinine It's tough to know who to root for in this epic battle of Helicopter Parent vs. Nanny State  (dailymail.co.uk) (233)
(Mercury News) Interesting Man who's been on San Quentin's death row since 1980 helpfully saves cash-strapped California the cost of injection, dies of natural causes  (mercurynews.com) (146)
(Some Guy) Asinine If you don't sign your traffic ticket fast enough in Texas, the cop will pull out his taser  (wfaa.com) (246)

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