Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for 2009-06-21

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Sun June 21, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		High school psych teacher learns her 15 times with a student were part of a destructive pattern (wbbm780.com)	(173)
		Robotic sniffing ferret with magnetic feet walks around inside cargo containers looking for drugs, bombs, menstruating females (telegraph.co.uk)	(66)
(Some Guy)		One fire pit, a half gallon of gasoline and one dumbass. What could possibly go wrong? (wickedlocal.com)	(90)
		Four-story Brooklyn apartment building falls in layers as it collapses on itself. 6/21 - never forget (nydailynews.com)	(135)
		"The NASA moon bombing, a component of the LCROSS mission, violates space law and may also trigger conflict with known extraterrestrial civilizations on the moon" (examiner.com)	(278)
		Man falls off roof, breaks several vertebrae, pelvis, wrist, dislocates clavicle, spends 16 hours to crawl 100 feet. First call: 911. Second call: the office, to let them know he was feeling a bit under the weather (nwfdailynews.com)	(59)
		Photoshop this geometrical architecture (flickr.com)	(36)
		Greenland gains semi-autonomy from Denmark. No word yet on when right of return to Vinland will be invoked, ethnic cleansing to begin (news.bbc.co.uk)	(109)
		New Jersey politician wants to add another item to the list of ten thousand illegal things you do while driving with almost no chance of a ticket (thenewspaper.com)	(139)
(TMRZOO.com)		Ten beers you must drink this Summer (tmrzoo.com)	(391)
		Roger Ebert: "I am not interested in discussing Bill O'Reilly's politics here. That would open a hornet's nest. I am more concerned about the danger he and others like him represent to a civil and peaceful society" (blogs.suntimes.com)	(552)
		The seven most baffling criminal defenses that worked. None the less, the list fails with the omission of the Chewbacca Defense (cracked.com)	(142)
		Why has NYC turned into Seattle? Blame Canada (newsday.com)	(95)
		Photoshop this cafe au lait (flickr.com)	(40)
		Forty years ago the Cuyahoga River caught on fire. Now it's inflammable. Non-inflammable? Unimflammable? (cleveland.com)	(91)
		36,000 people gather at Stonehenge to watch the solstice sunrise. With a bonus appearance from Arthur Pendragon, King of the Druids (news.bbc.co.uk)	(79)
		North Korea blah blah blah, blah blah (news.yahoo.com)	(114)
		Studys show that moms tend to be showered with gifts and attention on Mother's Day. Dads, not so much. Happy Father's Day anyway (washingtonpost.com)	(172)
(Some Spontn80)		"Dear Daddy, Here's what I should have said to you." DIT (dangrigor.com)	(179)
		City backs down on requirement to supply usernames and passwords on job applications because it "appears to have exceeded that which is acceptable to our community." (foxnews.com)	(60)
(Some Guy)		A website where handicapped people can make handicapped faces at people who park in handicapped spaces (handicappedfraud.org)	(162)
		OJ's last female girlfriend tells all in book detailing 13 years of abuse, cocaine, pregnancy, abortions, jealousy, possessiveness, manipulation, and rage. And still people will defend the disgusting asshat (nypost.com)	(137)
		The most awesome sunrise over the Parthenon you'll see today (apod.nasa.gov)	(53)
		Photoshop this green door (flickr.com)	(46)
		Four high-ranking members of the church of Scientology have defected and told their stories to the St. Petersburg Times (tampabay.com)	(204)
		Break into restaurant. Stuff pockets with cash. Eat the better part of 11 lobsters. Wash it all down with white wine. Fall asleep on a bench. Go to jail. Ta Da (azcentral.com)	(36)
		British weigh 'I before E' rule, seize on surfeit of exceptions, deign to let teachers' consciences be sovereign in paying it obeisance (foxnews.com)	(71)
		Church of England to offer beer and bacon in an attempt to attract people back to Church. Once they add boobies, submitter might think about it (telegraph.co.uk)	(33)
		To deter hippies and peace-loving druids, British police to unleash unmanned drone, horses and drug-sniffing dogs on Stonehenge for summer solstice (guardian.co.uk)	(40)
		One dead after numerous armed gunmen attempt hostile takeover of Albuquerque Denny's (usatoday.com)	(120)
(Some Chick)		When you're being arrested for your sixth drunk driving offense, spitting on the cop taking your blood for alcohol testing isn't very smart (wiscnews.com)	(28)
		Add "dump marijuana from an airplane" to the list of things drug runners should not do to avoid capture by police (toledoblade.com)	(38)
		Man builds San Francisco out of 1,000,000 toothpicks, complete with a ping-pong-ball labyrinth down Lombard St. What have YOU done in the last 34 years? (video) (cnn.com)	(43)
(Some Guy)		Woman evicted for keeping Easter decorations -- including a pyramid of Peeps -- up on her apartment door too long (coloradodaily.com)	(57)

Sat June 20, 2009

	"On 9/11, we were all Americans. Tonight, we are all Iranians." Iran Discussion thread XXXII (wbbm780.com)	(¾)
	Online dating helping pathetic women get their hopes crushed more efficiently (theonion.com)	(156)
	Just a little advice, Mr. TSA Agent man. Don't go all "Bad Cop...Bad Cop" on a Ron Paul supporter (cnn.com)	(350)
	Today's headline: "White House Dog Photographed, Remains Cute". WaPo or The Onion? (voices.washingtonpost.com)	(51)
	Photoshop Theme: Unholy Unions (LGTE) (farm4.static.flickr.com)	(38)
	The next time you're auditioning for a getaway driver, pay particular attention to how they answer "are you willing to break the speed limit?" (telegraph.co.uk)	(25)
(Pittsburgh Post Gazette)	"Car strikes cow; cow wins" (postgazette.com)	(48)
(The Pulse)	A well researched and thoughtful newspaper report on the failure of the War on Drugs. With a photo of a hot chick smoking a joint on the front page (link fixed) (74.125.47.132)	(193)
	Reporter gets kidnapped by Taliban, escapes, and still makes his deadline (washingtonpost.com)	(40)
(OC News)	Who's the head "Obama's not a citizen" nutjob? Orly Taitz. Ya rly (ocweekly.com)	(391)
	BB-packing hunters reach Solomon-like decision in "Duck Season/Wabbit Season" debate (washingtonpost.com)	(24)
(Some Guy)	Triplet birth to red panda mom in Fargo. Yeah, you betcha there are awwwwwwwwesome pictures (inforum.com)	(33)
(Some tinfoil)	The Pirate Bay is run by the CIA, and they created an anonymous protest site for Iran. That's some good tinfoil. (Farker quoted in article for added goodness) (joyn.org)	(68)
	If you sue KFC for not taking a coupon for a free meal, you just might be a fat dumbass (msnbc.msn.com)	(85)
(madison.com)	"Man plans on cutting cheese Saturday in Stoughton" (madison.com)	(29)
	21% of American Christians understand that Jesus is about a thousand years late (fe27.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(359)
	American's favorite meat is in serious trouble. What the cluck? (abcnews.go.com)	(74)
	Paul Giamatti could warm up to 'Stooges' role (bostonherald.com)	(61)
	Newly released FBI documents show the movie "Deep Throat" launched a massive FBI investigation involving hundreds of agents who were forced to watch the movie closely, thousands of times (fe22.story.media.ac4.yahoo.com)	(35)
(Some Dyslexic Hottie)	Yrotanimircsid era sngis gnikrap elbisneherpmocni syas cixelsyD (hounslowguardian.co.uk)	(106)
	Photoshop this lingerie exhibition (flickr.com)	(29)
(MaineToday.com)	Researchers in Maine find a sturgeon, for the very first time. A stuuurrrgeon. Oooh, oooh, oooh (morningsentinel.mainetoday.com)	(35)
	City wants pedestrians to carry a day-glo flag as they cross the street so they'll be more visible to cars. Seriously (pennlive.com)	(89)
(Some Guy)	Remember that text you shouldn't have sent last night? (textsfromlastnight.com)	(91)
	White House proposes ROTC-type program to train select college students for careers in intelligence (washingtonpost.com)	(125)
(Brand Republic)	Bookshops apologise for including 'The Crimes of Josef Fritzl' in their 'Gifts for Father's Day' displays; Have promised that from now on they'll keep them in best-cellars (brandrepublic.com)	(40)
	Unraveling old knitted garments and recycling the yarn is a good way to save money. In other news, there's a Baltimore Knitting Examiner (examiner.com)	(20)
(Some Guy)	Man arrested after driving three miles on interstate in reverse. He'll be evaluated for possible mental problems, being Canadian (tdn.com)	(29)
	There's a chance that Tennessee moonshine could be legal in the near future. Great. Although, that kinda takes all the fun out of having a still (knoxnews.com)	(43)
	Two six-year-old girls escape from flying car. In related news, Australia already has flying cars. Where are ours? (news.com.au)	(38)
	N-N-N-New Z-Z-Z-Z-e-e-a-l-land to in-in-in-vestigate s-s-s-safety ofofofofof c-c-c-c-caffe-e-e-eine d-d-d-d-rink-k-k-ks (stuff.co.nz)	(18)
(Brisbane Times)	Ever wonder why urban bicyclists often weave through traffic like a bunch of numbnuts? You may have found your answer (news.brisbanetimes.com.au)	(122)
	Scottish cat, stuck calamitously in shipping container, safely convalescing with stunned caretaker. Sweet Caturday (dailymail.co.uk)	(340)
	Man told cops he was punched in the face and his sandwich was stolen, turns out it was bologna (google.com)	(28)
	Steve Jobs got an iLiver (online.wsj.com)	(119)
	I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if a billion stomachs suddenly cried out in hunger and were suddenly silenced (google.com)	(144)
	Photoshop Theme: Quack Cures for Common Disorders (images.google.com)	(26)
	Couple with swine flu says "I do." (with ridiculous pic) (breitbart.com)	(20)
	Dude, where's my surfboard? (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(23)
	Man damages Arby's toilet, not by eating there but by setting off fireworks in the restroom (baltimoresun.com)	(28)
	Arnold Schwarzenegger's private jet does a live demonstration of California's economy. He should have taken da choppa (reuters.com)	(54)
(Poynter.org)	Farker Tatsuma gets props from journalists for his work on covering the brouhaha in Iran (poynter.org)	(389)
	Man struck by lightning during his best round of golf ever (thedenverchannel.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)	Cops: Man used 'Geek Squad' badge to coerce sex from a prostitute. You're doing it wrong (dailyrecord.com)	(73)

Fri June 19, 2009

	Pizza Hut will become "The Hut," finally acknowledging what most of us have known for years: Whatever that stuff they're selling is, it ain't pizza (blogs.moneycentral.msn.com)	(271)
(Some Guy)	St. Anthony statue stolen from chapel. If only there was a patron saint of lost items the faithful could pray to in hopes of finding it (greenbaypressgazette.com)	(51)
(Some Guy)	When getting a tattoo, you might want to avoid parlors with dirty floors, unsterilized needles, and artists who drink and practice on animals. "I trusted him. My friends all trusted him" (vancouversun.com)	(119)
(Some Guy)	Need to drain your boat's gas tank? Just shop-vac it out. That should work (sheboyganpress.com)	(47)
	Protip: After robbing a bank, don't get drunk and wander around the trailer park and bus stop covered in red dye (tampabay.com)	(17)
	Woman thinks nothing is wrong when a man calls in to order $2,120 worth of chicken alfredo and wants to pay via credit card. No, it's when he asks if he can charge $3,120 and have her wire him the cash that she starts to worry (desmoinesregister.com)	(65)
	OOOH: Mayor of Missouri town upset about upcoming concert, citing crowd control, public health, public safety and adequate police presence. BWAHAHA: The band is Foghat (stltoday.com)	(70)
	Nestle recalls Toll House cookie dough product because it was reported to have E. coli in it. It won't hurt if you cook it, but everyone wants to eat it raw (knoxnews.com)	(57)
(Some Robber)	"Uzi Bandits" on Philly crime spree. Relevant question: If they make their getaway on bicycles, what are the odds they're using a real Uzi? (myfoxphilly.com)	(55)
	Photoshop this MoMA moment (flickr.com)	(47)
	Today's TSG mugshop theme: bad eye makeup (thesmokinggun.com)	(133)
	Iron Photoshop Ingredient: Penguins (fark.com)	(62)
(The Johnstown Breeze)	The Leaning Tower of Water (johnstownbreeze.com)	(51)
(Some Copy of a Guy)	Helpful hint: when plagiarizing an article just go ahead and skip the last paragraph if it is a bio of the real author (new.citynewslive.com)	(187)
(MinnPost)	Experimental drug helps immune system fight off inoperable cancer. Stop it guys, you're making the rest of the scientists look bad (minnpost.com)	(69)
	German parliament, trying to reduce skin cancer risk, bans under-18s from going to solariums, outside on sunny days (physorg.com)	(54)
(The Argus)	Things you don't want to leave on the platform when the train door shuts: Your three-year-old twins (theargus.co.uk)	(62)
	New Joe Pa's Grille packed with Joe Pa memorabilia, Joe Pa quotes, Joe Pa likenesses and Joe Pa fans. There's just one thing missing. Joe Pa's permission (wgal.com)	(78)
	Turns out the copilot of that Continental flight thought the Captain was just pining for the fjords (examiner.com)	(82)
	Insane congressional staffer who went nuts by email after being called 'Liz' has a long history of going nuts in congressional emails. Go Liz Go (wonkette.com)	(182)
(Some Guy)	If you find a live bat on the beach do you a) find some girls and throw it at them, b) notify public health officials in case it has rabies, or c) play with it and kiss it? Bonus: rabies (news-press.com)	(92)
	NIH to spend $423,500 on 2-year study into why men don't like to use condoms, cats don't like baths, bureaucrats don't like being asked questions about ridiculous studies they fund (foxnews.com)	(176)
	US House adopts resolution supporting Iranian demonstrators by a vote of 405-1. If you can guess who voted "no," you win a free crudely-stenciled election sign to display at a local highway off-ramp (weeklystandard.com)	(399)
(WNEP)	Drunken, gun-toting man wanders up to kids playing basketball, warns them to stay the hell off his lawn. Then he started clucking like a chicken. Then he got arrested. That's pretty much it (wnep.com)	(43)
	WW1 veteran who attributes his longevity to "cigarettes, whisky and wild, wild women" is now world's oldest man. Suck it medical advice (guardian.co.uk)	(163)
	Bad: Being hit by a truck. Really bad: Being run over by a car following the truck. Really Really bad: Being dragged for 4km while stuck under the car that ran over you after you were hit by the truck. Fark: Still alive (stuff.co.nz)	(83)
	US and North Korea playing a game on the high seas...both sides looking to sink the other's battleship (matzav.com)	(236)
(Some Guys)	Photoshop the bottom halves of these Bavarian boaters (s.wsj.net)	(33)
	Today is National Flip-Flop Day? Hopefully yesterday was National Trim Your Nasty BBQ-Frito-Lookin' Toe Nails Day (examiner.com)	(239)
	Friday photo fun from the guys at TSG. What entertainer's manager was targeted for a Mob hit? Contest ends at 4pm Eastern (thesmokinggun.com)	(76)
(Journal-Standard)	Black bear sighted in northern Illinois. With ugly-ass pic (journalstandard.com)	(91)
	Early morning fire breaks out at swingers' club. Everyone escaped safely but some members were exposed (cbc.ca)	(92)
	Neither rain nor snow, nor sleet nor dark of night shall stay these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. But apparently they draw the line at "vicious kittens" (dailymail.co.uk)	(58)
	Only in Florida does an article begin with "Periodically, someone comes home to find a car in the swimming pool." (blogs.tampabay.com)	(34)
	The Big Dig has successfully transformed a rusting, traffic jammed eyesore into a vacant lot (boston.com)	(118)
(Some Guy)	If you live in Rome, GA don't answer your door for the next 6 weeks - The Jehovah's Witness convention is in town (rn-t.com)	(264)
	Yesterday, dude's like, "I'm that guy." Today, DNA dudes are like, "Nope" (cnn.com)	(58)
(NBC 12 richmond)	Man beaten with meat tenderizer. you're doing it....better, but still wrong (nbc12.com)	(56)
	Athens landmark burns down. No, not that Athens, the other Athens (ajc.com)	(115)
	Let he amongst you who has never snuck a quiet look at some porn while at work cast the first stone (telegraph.co.uk)	(153)
	There is no washing machine, only Zuul (stuff.co.nz)	(95)
	Popular painkiller soon to become a Vicodinosaur (news.bbc.co.uk)	(117)
	The latest victim of the Great Recession of '09: Father's Day. The Son isn't there (thesun.co.uk)	(144)
(Stony)	"Hello? 911? I was just robbed. Can I describe him...why yes. He's my pot dealer" (news-press.com)	(57)
	Nude Hiking Day is Sunday. Watch out for bares (wbbm780.com)	(116)
	The fear is gone. Very powerful collection of reports from inside Iran, written by Iranians (online.wsj.com)	(727)
	Spanish bar offering free drinks to anyone who will come in and abuse the arrogant, smelly and ignorant bastards who work behind the bar (metro.co.uk)	(58)
(Some Guy)	After robbing a bank, don't try to deposit the dye-stained money in another bank (chicagotribune.com)	(29)
	Boston drivers are so bad they're even a menace to air traffic (boston.com)	(100)
	Five kg of cocaine washes up on Swedish beach, police seeking information about anyone who might have lost a kilogram of cocaine recently (thelocal.se)	(42)
(Salem News)	Apparently, threatening people with a chainsaw and offering to post children's photos on porn sites doesn't ingratiate you to the neighborhood (salemnews.com)	(76)
	Firemen called to rescue bird stuck up a tree (news.com.au)	(30)
	L.A. County wants to pay unemployed parents to watch children. Their own children (latimes.com)	(152)
	Two men create a website where people can invent their own world record categories and post videos of themselves performing the feats. Stay tuned to this future treasure trove of Fark headlines (upi.com)	(44)
(Some anti tree-hugger)	Today's WTF moment: The sexiest trees in Seattle (thestranger.com)	(71)
	Convict tries to smuggle cell phone 'internally' into prison - MALE convict. Dunno if it was an iPhone killer, but it definitely wrecked em (theregister.co.uk)	(37)
	Unconscious in the driver's seat of a running car full of marijuana, crystal meth and GHB, with a naked unconscious female in the passenger seat is no way to go through... well maybe it is (cbc.ca)	(55)
(Some Guy)	Pixar delivers 10-year old girl's dying wish (ocregister.com)	(446)
	Blu-Tack, the silent killer of the classroom (telegraph.co.uk)	(75)
	Immortalized in "Vacation", experienced by anybody who ever went on a family road trip, the creator of the "Magic Fingers" hotel bed has vibrated off that mortal coil (tcpalm.com)	(27)
	Transformer fanatic creates life size bumblebee transformer in front yard (dailystab.com)	(76)
	Denver area restaurateur uses business to finance pot growing operation which in turn gives people the munchies, causing them to buy his Chinese takeout. The best part is that in an hour, you'll still be stoned and hungry (denverpost.com)	(31)
	Man impregnates girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter, fakes death, flees home state, has family hold fake funeral, gets arrested, fakes heart attack, fakes suicide attempt. TaDa (wcbstv.com)	(91)
	Che Guevara's hot grandaughter to pose naked for PETA ad promoting vegetarianism. Nudismo o muerte. (With pic, SFW) (news.yahoo.com)	(234)
	By day, it's shawls and modestly dressed obedient girls, but by night it's underground raves, alcohol and cannabis; meet the women who are now overthrowing a regime while looking fabulous (Iranian Revolution; Part XXII) (telegraph.co.uk)	(2056)
(News and Tribune)	Jeffersonville, IN's city attorney found asleep in trash can. With pics (news-tribune.net)	(65)
	Old and busted: Marriage between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. New hotness: Marriage among a man and a woman and a woman (abcnews.go.com)	(223)
	"Prick with fork." Cooking directions or pissed off advertising department? (consumerist.com)	(38)
	Even the New York times is calling for an end to the FISA amendment that approved warrantless wiretapping... does this mean that Ann-Margret's not coming? (eff.org)	(95)
(San Bernardino Sun)	Man whose car ran out of gas beaten by thief whose shotgun ran out of bullets (sbsun.com)	(53)

Thu June 18, 2009

	Walter Cronkite reportedly 'gravely ill', with sources saying CBS began updating his obituary one week ago (suntimes.com)	(216)
	RIAA awarded $1.92 million by jury against file sharer (news.cnet.com)	(389)
	The Supreme Leader, once a revolutionary student himself, is about to be removed from his position by revolutionary students (Unlike those protesting, this thread can drink; discussion part XXI) (csmonitor.com)	(1587)
	Great to see you've joined Facebook groups like 'Multiple Orgasms' and 'Sex Maniacs Like Us', and we love those half naked party pics you posted. Now, about that school principal job you'll be losing (thelocal.se)	(68)
(Some Guy)	Head of voter registration company pleads guilty to voter fraud on behalf of... Republicans? (bradblog.com)	(51)
	Child porn found on pro-life right wing Christian white-supremacist holocaust museum shooter's computer (news.yahoo.com)	(468)
	Scientist discover evidence of giant prehistoric sperm, presumably inside of very large prehistoric Trojan (msnbc.msn.com)	(32)
	Officials identify man who jumped into an 800-foot-deep canyon in Yellowstone Park; say he's the reddish smear at the base of the cliff (billingsgazette.net)	(41)
	Car jacking attempt foiled because a woman was unable to drive a stick shift. Unbelievable. Some women can't drive cars with manual transmissions? (knoxnews.com)	(153)
	Gov. Schwarzenegger to Legislator: Grow some big ones and get the budget fixed. Note came with appropriate gift to illustrate his point (latimes.com)	(80)
	Vesak, the Buddha's birthday, coincides with the festival of Muththumaariyamman, Tamil goddess of peace, leaving everybody in Sri Lanka peaced off (ft.com)	(33)
(Princeton Union Eagle)	If your village needs an idiot ... Man finds pipe bomb in alley outside the TNT Convenience Store, brings it into the store, puts it on the counter and says "I just found this pipe bomb out behind your store" (unioneagle.com)	(29)
	So I herd GW Parkway lieks Mudkipz (msnbc.msn.com)	(87)
(BuzzFeed.com)	30 celebrity impersonators that look absolutely nothing like the celebrities they're trying to impersonate (buzzfeed.com)	(90)
	15th-century cookbook goes online. Now you have no excuse not to roast that porpoise that's been sitting in the back of the fridge (news.bbc.co.uk)	(62)
	Burglar dressed as Spiderman might have gotten away with it if he hadn't stopped to change into pink arm warmers and a woman's swimsuit (mdn.mainichi.jp)	(15)
	Talk about having a vision: Principal of F-rated school discovers students can't see, gets them glasses and turns F into A. Cool beats Florida tag for once (clickorlando.com)	(40)
(Some Guy)	Woman jailed for having sexual relations with two female teens. One just came of legal age, the other was legal - but became unlawful when the age of consent was raised and she wasn't allowed to be granddaughtered in (edmontonsun.com)	(72)
	Photoshop The First Guy at Five Guy's (flickr.com)	(50)
(Montana Substandard)	Stuntman/baker thanks town's firefighters by setting himself ablaze and presenting them with fire truck cake. (w/video of "WTF" fireman accepting cake from burning guy) (montanastandard.com)	(20)
	Right to prove your innocence by DNA testing? Not yours, says the SCOTUS (dallasnews.com)	(156)
	Taxidermist ordered to pay $1600 for improperly mounting a goat (billingsgazette.net)	(30)
(Some Guy)	Injured homeowner parks on his lawn, close to his front door to unload heavy sacks of laundry. Luckily someone from his HOA was there to help out. JUST KIDDING, they had his truck towed (wfaa.com)	(196)
(Moscow News)	"Waking up in hospital with clonidine poisoning and penis trauma, all the victims could remember was a friendly brunette who gave them drinks." (mosnews.com)	(135)
	Man finds out why you don't go chasing waterfalls (sltrib.com)	(39)
	Three Guys (wjla.com)	(37)
	Signs that we are in fact not evolving: The class of 2009 lists Twilight and Lady GaGa as defining milestones for their generation (examiner.com)	(190)
	Indian River Lagoon in Florida invaded by Spotted Jellyfish. Lord knows how many they didn't spot (wesh.com)	(38)
	CNN finally starts asking the important questions: "Do you want to live on the Moon?" (wonkette.com)	(115)
(Some Guy)	Woman gets drunk, rips off her shirt, gets arrested, screams and hollers, kicks a cop in the leg, breaks her cell phone, bangs her head against the cop car, tries to bite and scratch hospital staffers, and poses for a cute mugshot. Tah-dah (portagedailyregister.com)	(184)
	Woman says the apology has left her feeling empty and eroded inside, much like the chemotherapy drugs she was given by mistake (cbc.ca)	(77)
	The obituary that has it all: copious amounts of booze and biatchiness, British gangsters on stage, a combination PR office and Quaker meeting house, and guest appearances by Aleister Crowley and Quentin Crisp (telegraph.co.uk)	(38)
	Good news: new biofuel mixture is actually better than oil-based jet fuels. Bad news: we might lose Germany (blogs.wsj.com)	(141)
	Librarians fighting Google's book deal, presumably with ridiculously small fines and lots of shushing (time.com)	(113)
	"I've interviewed dogs about clothing, and most do not like clothes,'' says "pet psychic," who took time out of her daily activities of making million-dollar stock and lottery picks for her cat (boston.com)	(95)
	Was it over when the Koreans bombed Pearl Harbor? (msnbc.msn.com)	(310)
	Man gives daughter kidney for wedding present, spends reception in tub full of ice next to telephone (foxnews.com)	(30)
	World Beard Championships in pictures. Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruz, and Katie Holmes noticeably absent (telegraph.co.uk)	(52)
	And here's an article espousing the merits of calling your wife "Mommy" while engaged in the throes of passionate sexual congress (msnbc.msn.com)	(308)
	Two of London Zoo's baby flamingos are scared of pink, and they're making a stink about it (telegraph.co.uk)	(40)
	Geneva's Court of Assizes - giggity - calls man's murder by a prostitute, during sex games, "extremely serious" (news.yahoo.com)	(60)
	Slowly but surely the Queen of England is retaking the United States (buffalonews.com)	(130)
	"Fire department officials remind hikers to carry a cell phone, drink plenty of water and stay on marked trails." They need to add "don't fall into a cactus and make fire crews use a cherry picker to save your dumb ass" (azcentral.com)	(35)
	Vitamin D deficiency suspected as cause of autism. Suck it, Jenny McCarthy (scientificamerican.com)	(212)
(Missoulian)	Native Americans on the warpath over McDonalds Happy Meal toy depicting General Custer riding an Indian (w/ pic) (missoulian.com)	(359)
(Charleston Gazette)	Woman filming bridge demolition from 'safety' of her bedroom surprised by unintended 3-D action (wvgazette.com)	(80)
	Traindriving is demanding as it is, so the fake bloody dolls on the track aren't helping, young Mr Addams (thelocal.se)	(71)
	And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and LOLcats got their own musical (icanhascheezburgerthemusiclol.wordpress.com)	(84)
	Photoshop this blockade buffoon (s.wsj.net)	(34)
	Pilot of Continental flight to Newark gets his wings mid-flight (hosted.ap.org)	(199)
	60% of 8th graders won't graduate in time, every time (cbs2chicago.com)	(181)
	Driving buses is just like starring in porn films, you wait ages and then three come at once (metro.co.uk)	(85)
(Digital Spy)	UK government to offer tax breaks for developers who create 'Culturally British' games. Submitter looking forward to Wii Queue, Trombone Hero, Grand Theft Wheely-Bin (digitalspy.co.uk)	(144)
(Some Guy)	Turns out car surfing at 70 MPH is a bad idea, no matter what you learned from Teen Wolf (adn.com)	(75)
	Man evicted from cave he has lived in for the last 16 years because it doesn't have a fire exit. A seven-foot cave needs a fire exit? (telegraph.co.uk)	(114)
	A Christian group, who wishes to convert Muslims by handing out leaflets, is filing a lawsuit because they will be restricted to a designated area at an Arab festival (upi.com)	(383)
	Man lights up cannabis joint in Parliament. Gotta have that funk (stuff.co.nz)	(66)
(Wired.co.uk)	Not news: Woman dies. News: Woman fakes death. Fark: Woman fakes death to avoid divulging knitting patterns (wired.co.uk)	(79)
	Boy caught up in custody case states he wants to stay in Brazil, not live in New Jersey and hey, who can blame him? (salon.com)	(106)
	Levi Johnston has hired a dual bodyguard/manager to make it in L.A. under the moniker "Ricky Hollywood". I can see the FAIL from my house (defamer.gawker.com)	(267)
(Some Russian Virgin)	Woman has surgery to replace her hymen, thereby restoring her virginity. Husband so delighted she does it five more times...wait, what? (mosnews.com)	(142)
(Some Guy)	Caption this guy getting frisked (img.photobucket.com)	(55)
(Some Guys)	Photoshop this wire work (s.wsj.net)	(26)
(Kiro TV)	The "Bump and Go Posse" is either A) a drive-through escort service, B) a speedy dermatological exam, or C) a group of drivers that ram other cars for fun (kirotv.com)	(65)
	Artist writes story that will take 1,000 years to read. tl;dr (wired.com)	(146)
	Dentists using plasma torch in your mouth to remove plaque? Is yo lilely yan yu hink (economist.com)	(26)
(wpix-tv)	Okay, go long, go endzone & I'll look for you.. just make sure you catch my kid,... who I just kidnapped, ok? (wpix.com)	(11)
	Remember that joke you made about how PETA would be mad that Obama swatted a fly? Yeah, about that (huffingtonpost.com)	(233)
	If you stab to death the drunk pedestrian who cut you off, who should you sue after they lock you up? (news.bbc.co.uk)	(10)
	A fun interactive map of meth labs in Tulsa, or as the natives call it, "a walking tour" (tulsaworld.com)	(61)
	Man allegedly tries to use counterfeit $100 bill at McDonald's to buy alleged food (boston.com)	(40)
(NORML)	What Fox didn't tell you about their "marijuana changes DNA" story, or how I learned to stop worrying and love cherry picking (blog.norml.org)	(176)
(DERF Magazine)	America's ices sculptures melting at alarming rate (derfmagazine.com)	(15)
(IdahoNews)	Rewind: Hey, man, think it's OK to go to work with this cut on my finger? Fast forward: Woman finds used Band-Aid in her cinnamon roll. With a sweet picture (2news.tv)	(36)
	Edith "Jackie" Ronne, first U.S. woman to set foot on Antarctica, is put on ice for the last time (washingtonpost.com)	(12)
(Some Guy)	Man rescued after trapping himself on island. What a maroon (weau.com)	(24)
(Some Kind of Monster)	The barrel monster may rise again as construction company wants a clone (news14.com)	(61)
(Some Guy)	Man says digital TV switch saved his life (switched.com)	(40)
	Iranian protesters aren't scared of the government because, hey, the internet has their back (Iran Thread XVIII, this one has no curfew) (edition.cnn.com)	(√-1)
(Some Guy)	June 18 is International Sushi Day. That's just how we roll (cdkitchen.com)	(96)
	How to deal with noisy neighbors: Put up soiled panties line (1010wins.com)	(49)
(Montana's News Station)	Town requires applicants for city jobs to list all web sites they visit, including their user IDs and passwords. Frighteningly, no applicant has refused to do so thus far (montanasnewsstation.com)	(164)
(Some Guy)	What Your Tattoo Says About You Simplified (tastybooze.com)	(211)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 215: "Give 'em an Inch". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(123)

Wed June 17, 2009

	9/11 Hero dog gets 5 clones. 9/11 Hero dog gets 5 clones. 9/11 Hero dog gets 5 clones. 9/11 Hero dog gets 5 clones. 9/11 Hero dog gets 5 clones. That noise you hear is Rudy Giuliani squealing with joy (today.msnbc.msn.com)	(64)
(TNP.sg)	Shopping mall's 64-year-old security guard becomes local spectacle by dancing on duty as part of daily exercise routine. 'It was quite weird. At first, I thought there was something wrong with him' (tnp.sg)	(34)
	Focus on the Family joins 20th century, finally allows female employees to wear pants to work. Submitter is all for women not wearing pants to work (denverpost.com)	(120)
(Some Guy)	String of tampon machine thefts results in a heavy flow of break-ins at MSU (statenews.com)	(83)
	Now a word from the Arab nations about the Iranian elections:... (crickets) ... (silence) ... (silence)... (crickets) ... Iranian election/revolt part XVII (wbbm780.com)	(¼)
(Severe Studios Live Broadcast)	Stormchaser Roger Hill is chasing a tornadic supercell in Nebraska LIVE with streaming video (severestudios.com)	(125)
	Good: going to the break room and finding donuts. Bad: going to the break room and finding fire (buffalonews.com)	(47)
	You've been pulled over for failure to use your blinker. Do you: C) blurt out that you're screwing the teenager in the back seat? (sltrib.com)	(113)
	British Prime Minister sets up a PMS "working group". Bloody hell (news.bbc.co.uk)	(24)
	Local officials want to allow hunting in a suburban city park. What could possibly go wrong? (kansascity.com)	(47)
	Police are testing a taser gun to see if it malfunctioned when suspect dies after 28 taserings (abc.net.au)	(89)
(Some Stripper)	Stripper pole review: "I can literally grab the pole, shake it as hard as I can, and it still does not budge. With the two extensions, it fairly easily reaches the top of my 9' ceiling, and still does not feel wobbly" (amazon.com)	(77)
	Wendy's Frosty: The tomato of the "dessert/beverage" continuum (consumerist.com)	(112)
(Some Guy)	You put your left hand in and the wolf shakes it all about (khq.com)	(45)
	Bear climbs through pet door, eats dog food, leaves. Um, just how large are pet doors in Colorado? (3news.co.nz)	(59)
(Some Wocket)	Theme: Dr. Seuss for the internet age (1.bp.blogspot.com)	(96)
	Man arrested for dressing up as his dead mother. What a psycho (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(22)
(NWA Morning News)	Serial toe biter gets 10 years in prison (nwaonline.net)	(39)
(Some Guy)	It's not so unusual to have what's known as a "fecal accident" at public swimming pools (wfaa.com)	(151)
	Police called after anti-junk-food mother steals ice cream toppings from YMCA children's party (nytimes.com)	(173)
	Chrysler to restart seven assembly plants. As soon as they can find the damn jumper cables (hosted.ap.org)	(45)
(Lincoln JournalStar)	What does your county board argue about? Here in Nebraska, it's about the value of an old pair of sweat pants lost (or perhaps stolen) at the county jail (journalstar.com)	(20)
	Farmer is willing to fight for his farmland that's wanted by Norfolk Southern. He's gonna grab his pitchfork and round up the peasant mob for the little man. Good luck with that. Seriously.... Good luck (knoxnews.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)	Scientists discover Mad Fish disease. Daffy duck, crazy wabbit now in play (tgdaily.com)	(39)
	Icy conditions on Pacific Highway South. Sweet, delicious iciness (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(42)
	Ahmadinejad accuses the United States of meddling with the election, facebook users of being Hooligans, Fark of greenlighting too many threads about this (Iranian Revolution, part XVI) (google.com)	(½)
	If you've gotten to the point where you're training the local chipmunks to play with your Star Wars figures, you should probably reconsider your priorities (metro.co.uk)	(65)
(Some Guy)	Las Vegas paper gets revised subpoena, will give feds information about two web posts: "I'd hate to be the guy who refused to tell the feds Timothy McVeigh was buying fertilizer." (poynter.org)	(81)
	Cops in the 1968 Chicago riot are planning a reunion. Fun actvities to include tear-gas toss, and martial arts demonstrations (wbbm780.com)	(56)
	Ain't no rule says a dog can't compete in a surfing contest (news.yahoo.com)	(34)
(WWL)	Cops in high-speed chase through several residential neighborhoods over a pair of stolen shoes. "These shoes run from about $150 to $200 a pair," said Sgt. Perspective (wwl.com)	(141)
	"Knife-wielding gorilla shocks zoo visitors." Complete with 'you stole my banana for the last time' pic (calgaryherald.com)	(105)
(Some Guy)	Apparently, bears in Montana are quite sticky. Tag is for original headline (predatorxtreme.com)	(71)
	Hoosier version of Bigfoot is the Turtle of Churubusco (indystar.com)	(31)
	"The rise of bacon has become a cultural phenomenon." Obvious tag too busy attending "Bacon Camp" in San Francisco (www3.signonsandiego.com)	(86)
(ironicsans.com)	The next big thing in chic home improvements is: The Outlet Wall (ironicsans.com)	(170)
(Some Guy)	Maybe it's not such a good idea to nap outside on a mattress by the lakeshore with the tide coming in causing the need for a water rescue while having a warrant out for your arrest (yourerie.com)	(78)
(Some Excommunicated Guy)	Group schisming from Catholic Church - Vatican declares them illegitimate - no this is not a repeat from 1521 (france24.com)	(312)
	Plant thieves terrorizing Seattle. "My magnolia is secured by chains, new shrubs are tied to heavy pottery. Oh, there's some barbed wire involved" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(96)
	Actual headline: "Police respond to muggings after community meeting" I guess it could wait (wjz.com)	(36)
(Some Guy)	The most eye-poppingly, mouth-watering burgers you will see all year (blogs.trb.com)	(233)
	2 girls, 1 mea culpa (news.yahoo.com)	(114)
	The Iranian Revolution thread XV, sponsored by Energizer Batteries. It goes on.. and on.. and on.. and on.. and on (time.com)	(1856)
	When doctors drive around to small towns with equipment to analyse women's breasts, newspapers write uplifting articles. When Subby does it, cops write report (edmontonjournal.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)	Flint Michigan resident calls in to the Rush Limbaugh show and agrees with Obama - the town should be bulldozed. With transcript badness (rushlimbaugh.com)	(124)
	Aunt takes in her nephew who had fallen on hard times. Nephew is accused of stabbing his blind aunt to death and stuffing her remains in a closet. Guess she didn't see THAT coming (thebostonchannel.com)	(32)
	Window washer falls 6 stories off of bank building, bounces up off of building's entryway roof and walks away virtually unscathed. TA DA (startribune.com)	(61)
	North Korea warns the U.S. of a "thousand fold" military action. Great, now they are attacking us with origami (news.yahoo.com)	(245)
(Some Guy)	Double your pleasure, double your fun, double your teachers getting busted for meth production and dealing at school (southbendtribune.com)	(62)
	Gov. Crist signs bill to bring some sanity to school zero-tolerance policies. Hero tag gives Florida tag the morning off (msnbc.msn.com)	(114)
(Some Guy)	Michigan amusement park won't waive fee for quadriplegic veteran and nurse. "(A park official) said there was no proof of his injury. He could be faking it." (mlive.com)	(314)
	Doctor proves that decent humans still exist in the medical profession, provides free surgery and treatment to uninsured woman with breast cancer (abcactionnews.com)	(91)
	Busty barmaid prepares for topless skydive - "I don't know if I'll hurt myself - I might do because I'm a 36GG" (lep.co.uk)	(417)
	Photoshop this star's reflection (flickr.com)	(58)
(Times Republican)	School hires collection agency to collect lunch money. School bully unavalible for comment (timesrepublican.com)	(81)
	Military maneuvers make mess of Mexico's most massive meth manufacturer (miamiherald.com)	(56)
(Naples Daily News)	Pink pistol packing granny will pull a gun on you if you get anywhere near her jewelry box. Ask her handyman who says he was just trying to find an outlet (naplesnews.com)	(65)
	Good news: searchers have recovered 400 pieces of Air France 447 wreckage. Bad news: that's two pieces of wreckage per passenger, so from here on out folks need to start paying the $25 additional wreckage piece fee (news.yahoo.com)	(34)
	"He gave no explanation ... There is no law against driving naked so we had to let him go" (jacksonville.com)	(93)
(Some Guy)	Woman discovers that roadkill can really tie a room together (wiscnews.com)	(36)
	If you can spell the words "rain", "overcast", and "miserable", then the organisers of the London Olympics have a job for you (telegraph.co.uk)	(34)
	Because there's absolutely nothing else going on today, here's the Daily Mail's hard hitting exposé of Britain's hairest traffic warden (dailymail.co.uk)	(30)
	Iran perfects cloning technology: crowds at pro-Ahmadinnerjacket rally magically grow in released photos. Photoshop now has peaceful civilian applications (dailykos.com)	(150)
	Not news: Roommates get in a fight. News: One is a cross dresser. Fark: The other is the Mayor (wtsp.com)	(29)
	Top 10 weirdest hotels in the world. Including one designed to look like a giant dog (news.com.au)	(50)
(WPTV.com)	Jehovah's Witnesses holding series of public lectures entitled "How to survive the end of the world" which is apparently going to happen next week sometime (wptv.com)	(185)
	It's the thread that never ends; It goes on and on my friends (Iran protest/revolt thread XIV) (fark.com)	(1967)
	Naked burglar tries to rob a bridal store to find a warm wedding dress. Wait, what? (thelocal.de)	(11)
	Kansas bomb squad blasts suspicious package; turns out it was a bible. Ironic tag surrenders (news.yahoo.com)	(109)
	Obama channels Mr. Miyagi during an interview. Sweep the wings, Barack (cnbc.com)	(191)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this runner going the distance (trinityjournal.com)	(32)
	One third of Britons don't go to dentist. Others lying through their tooth (dailymail.co.uk)	(73)
(Some Guy)	High school math teacher arrested for sticking his high circumference coordinate plane into the perimeter of his student's obtuse triangle (mycentraljersey.com)	(82)
(Some Guy)	Florida man tries to steal $14 TRILLION from the IRS. With pic of the genius (wptv.com)	(176)
(Some Guy)	Man pimps out wife on Craigslist to "pay bills". Folks, this is a great example of how couples can work together during tough economic times (krqe.com)	(58)
	What do you get when you cross a car, a karaoke bar, beer and a bicycle? (blogs.reuters.com)	(22)
	Hef confesses he can't tell his twin lovers apart. Subby suspects it's because they insist on having the lights off (foxnews.com)	(138)
	Did you hear the one about the armed traveling salesman, the drunk husband, and the innocent wife? "It's kind of interesting, but it's kind of messed up" (kansascity.com)	(17)
(KTLA-5)	High school math teacher arrested for tutoring student on "What is 210 + 210?" (ktla.com)	(36)
	Timber manager gets prison time for cutting down eagle's nest. He can check out anytime he likes, but he can never leave (seattlepi.com)	(31)
	Ever wonder how many helium balloons it would take to lift your house? Well, your sleepless nights of wondering about that are now over, unlike your sleepless nights of wondering about your sexuality (thestar.com)	(35)
	Small BC town is under attack by cougars. The last thing victims heard was "Buy me a drink, handsome?" before the claws came out (theglobeandmail.com)	(33)
	Why do the Dutch hate Russian tourists. Accordin to Pravda it's because "As a rule, Russian women are good-looking and feminine individuals". Also Germans and Britons puke on the beach (english.pravda.ru)	(87)
	I'm a shark.... I'm a shaaaaark... snort my crack... I'm a sharrrrrk (news.com.au)	(35)
	Let's hope Jodie Foster is more impressed with his driving skills (msnbc.msn.com)	(51)
	"140 Characters is a novel when you're being shot at." Iran XIII, after hours (fark.com)	(π)
	Drunk councilwoman reminds police who pays their salaries (With video goodness) (courant.com)	(55)
(Florida Today)	Ugly-ass baby lemurs born at Florida zoo, all ready to EAT YOUR SOUL (w/soul eating piccy goodness) (floridatoday.com)	(22)

Tue June 16, 2009

	Obama to sign executive order granting domestic benefits to same-sex couples in the government, in defiance of the Defense of Marriage Act (blogs.abcnews.com)	(742)
	Neighborhood begins locking trash cans to keep out A) Raccoons, B) Bears, or C) Dudes with shopping carts (latimes.com)	(114)
	Sophisticated heat beam from unknown source blamed for bizarre weather disturbances in China (guardian.co.uk)	(95)
	Black ooze at old Cold War station frightens Labrador town. This is not a repeat of the X-Files. Cross your fingers (cbc.ca)	(50)
	Clown car update: Radaronline hit by California for violating child labor laws in webcasting the Octokids. Isn't having 14 kids a stretch of the 'labor' laws? (wbbm780.com)	(35)
(Kansas City Pitch)	Everyone who started drinking a glass of red wine a day because they thought it would make them healthy? Boy have scientists got news for you (blogs.pitch.com)	(62)
	CSM crunches the numbers in Iran's election, is left with a bad taste in its mouth (Iran Discussion XII) (csmonitor.com)	(lots)
	Two-year old boy disappears from New York, shows up in Michigan 54 years later. Ta-daaaa (freep.com)	(45)
	Man tries to kill himself by attaching a sword to his steering wheel and crashing into a brick wall. Would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for that meddlesome airbag (azcentral.com)	(50)
	Chicago-area guy charged with trying to acquire puffer-fish venom in a plot to kill his wife and collect the insurance, just like on CSI: Miami a couple of seasons ago (wbbm780.com)	(29)
	Baby found after alleged car-jacking. Man, perps are getting younger and younger these days, aren't they? (cnews.canoe.ca)	(18)
	German troops found to be "too soft and undisciplined." If only there was a way to get Germans to be tougher and more nationalistic (telegraph.co.uk)	(83)
(Somewhat worried guy)	New study says that cannabis alters human DNA. Although, it doesn't sound like we're all going to get super powers or something cool like that (eurekalert.org)	(192)
	Global warming not a myth to House of Representatives; they may vote on a climate change bill next week (reuters.com)	(291)
	Newsweek wonders if Michael Moore has jumped the shark, buffet line (newsweek.com)	(187)
	If you'll just lend me your ear for a second, I'll tell you all about the new exhibition at the Van Gogh museum (news.com.au)	(28)
	A Who's Who of Iran politics (plus the Iran Election/Revolt Discussion Thread is turned up to ELEVEN) (news.bbc.co.uk)	(lots)
	Photoshop this orbital and its observers (inapcache.boston.com)	(23)
(Some Guy)	Fresh new technology might lead to figuring out a cold case murder. From 3000 years ago (theopencase.com)	(53)
	For his hour on the fourth plinth of Trafalgar Square, Oliver Parsons-Baker will wear a "poo suit" (redorbit.com)	(41)
	Chicken farmers are saying California is making it hard to scratch out a living with all of the new laws (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(137)
	A good friend will help you move. A great friend will help you move a body. A crappy friend will back out of a suicide pact after you've already shot yourself (kansascity.com)	(68)
(Lincoln Journal Star)	Remember the guy who put his cat in a bong, was arrested, and then swore off weed? Guess who's back in the news (journalstar.com)	(46)
	The economy is so bad, parents aren't sending their precious snowflakes to summer camps that include $1000 video game sessions. It's not news, it's CNN (cnn.com)	(44)
	California elementary school students lose their summer vacation after their school district fails math, accidentally cuts 34 days off of the school year (news.yahoo.com)	(115)
	Today's reason not to trust pharma companies: FDA reports Zicam caused over a hundred people to lose sense of smell. Whoops (chicagotribune.com)	(189)
	Aah, the age old story. Boy meets girl, they fall in love & get engaged, she discovers he's a porn star (telegraph.co.uk)	(175)
	Iran election/revolt thread, Part X (wbbm780.com)	(too many)
	Massachusetts stops handing out military weapons like candy after reporters ask why a suburban police force needs grenade launchers (boston.com)	(172)
	Why locks were invented: To prevent naked men from breaking into your home, putting on your nylons, and lying "like a stiff board" in your bathroom till you decide to start playing hide and seek (cbs4denver.com)	(31)
	Woman with wet bikini gets eaten out by disgusting maggot. Don't lie, you've all had holidays like that (dailymail.co.uk)	(192)
	North Korea's Brilliant Comrade secretly visits China, who proceeds to biatchslap him and tell him to knock those nuclear tests off (news.yahoo.com)	(31)
	Hooked on self help books? There's got to be a book to help you with that (cnn.com)	(21)
	Vietnam is sinking the Mississippi fish industry because people don't know what a catfish is. They look for Obama for help in defining "catfish" (latimes.com)	(98)
	Veterans Affairs officials grilled over botched colonoscopies. What a pain in the ass (hosted.ap.org)	(33)
(WSB-TV)	Wtf wrk fired me 4 txting. marta sux (wsbtv.com)	(91)
(Some Guy)	Grand Ayatollah Husayn Ali Montazeri tells the Iranian army and police that "I was just following orders" will not cut it with Allah. Iran election/revolt thread, Part IX (occident.blogspot.com)	(1449)
	Wife beater ordered to issue public apology, not to mix with colors in laundry (news.com.au)	(19)
(Some Guy)	Engineering chick builds 3D spherical katamari remote (kellbot.com)	(87)
	Remember how that DHS report about extremists in the military was just picking on people that disliked the Obama administration? Yeah, about that (salon.com)	(241)
(New Haven Register)	Man says gas pump taunted him, shoots it (nhregister.com)	(49)
	GM selling SAAB to Koenigsegg. Gesundheit (news.yahoo.com)	(110)
	Oh my God, she's full of stars (dailymail.co.uk)	(323)
(Some Guy)	Being stabbed during a robbery? There's an app for that (walb.com)	(44)
(Haaretz)	Hamas saves Jimmy Carter from Al-Qaeda assasination plot. WTF? (haaretz.com)	(103)
	Dude, go climb up that concrete mixing tower. Dude, while you're falling you should try to do a summersault. Dude, you should, like, stop not-breathing. Harsh (clickorlando.com)	(59)
(Some Guy)	Come and knock on our door...we've been waiting for you... where the rapes are hers and hers and his, Three's company too (clickorlando.com)	(81)
	Wikipedia; now available in book form [publication needed] (telegraph.co.uk)	(47)
	Canadian High Schoolers flunking history for the first time since the country was founded in 1973 (canada.com)	(150)
	Pro-Government rally in Iran as legit as the election. Viva Iran thread part VIII (news.yahoo.com)	(1436)
(Tacoma News Tribune)	What happens when you take a sheriff's spokesman, 21 drivers, and 10 beat up old emergency vehicles from Tacoma to Mexico? The Twitter version of the Odyssey (thenewstribune.com)	(41)
	Escaped Emu has been caught, now back to mom's minivan (wjz.com)	(43)
(WSB-TV)	Judge removes a 2007 order banning a man's four children from meeting his gay friends. Father reportedly said the ruling was FABULOUS (wsbtv.com)	(98)
	Vietnamese immigrant and restaurant owner helps the unemployed with 1 cent soup. "This country has been good to me...I want to give something back to my country and community." (pennlive.com)	(191)
	One of the very few convenience stores in PA licensed to sell six-packs of beer can no longer do so, state Supreme Court rules, since it would be, well, too convenient for customers (philly.com)	(153)
	Montana to host an amateur lying contest: "No lawyers, politicians, patent medicine salesmen or motivational speakers need apply" (cnews.canoe.ca)	(50)
	Oregon man reported missing by his wife last week was located Saturday. He says he wasn't missing -- just following his wife's wishes to go away (oregonlive.com)	(56)
	Pilot attacked by pterodactyls (edmontonjournal.com)	(65)
	Lost for 9 days in the wilderness? No problem. Sue your rescuers for not finding you fast enough (cnews.canoe.ca)	(256)
	Woman stopped by police on suspicion of DUI: "Is this going to take long? I am late for my AA meeting" (telegram.com)	(80)
	Campbell Brown: No Bias, No Bull... no ratings (mediabistro.com)	(91)
(Some Guy)	Iran election/revolt discussion thread, Part VII. For our Farsi-reading members, that's: بحث شورش ایران (aljazeera.com)	(lots)
	Mysterious rain of tadpoles falls on girls' school tennis court in Japan. At least, they think they're tadpoles (mdn.mainichi.jp)	(55)
	♫ ♪ Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana-ban ♫ ♪ (dailymail.co.uk)	(58)
(Some Guy)	95% of drunken girls who claim their drinks were spiked are just making it up (thewest.com.au)	(332)
	Female pond skaters develop "genital shield" to prevent males from mating with them until they've jumped through a ridiculous set of hoops; a technique they apparently picked up from subby's wife (newscientist.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)	Cash-strapped city discovers old law on books that prohibits cars being parked on any non-paved surface. Notices that many residents have gravel driveways. Tickelarity ensures (wtte28.com)	(155)
(WOODtv.com)	Blind and deaf man to lead Amazon expedition. As far as he knows (woodtv.com)	(36)
	Photoshop the Kettle House (flickr.com)	(30)
	MillerCoors sends beer to Iraq for July 4 celebration. Haven't our troops suffered enough? (jsonline.com)	(70)
(Some Guy)	Renegade tree lashes out against environmentalists in Boulder, Colorado, falling on two Priuses simultaneously (coloradodaily.com)	(54)
(Hernando Today)	When you pop a beer in the waiting room of a Wal-Mart car servicing area, and are told you can't do that, and respond by ripping a telephone off the wall, you might be a stinkin' drunk (www2.hernandotoday.com)	(32)
	Improv Everywhere takes over Roosevelt Island with bats and hammers for its Sixth MP3 Experiment (youtube.com)	(53)
	Meet Harass II, the police super dog that can track scents months later and even across water (orlandosentinel.com)	(65)
(The Times Record.com)	Texting idiot careens off the road, strikes a utility pole, drives through a barbed wire fence - taking out several posts - travels over a field, up a small hill and then down a steep embankment into a small stream. Ta-da (timesrecord.com)	(47)
	Woman spends more than $200,000 impersonating Britney Spears, even during her bald-head trainwreck period. "I feel there's almost a spiritual connection between us." (dailymail.co.uk)	(57)
	BBC: Iran "to hold election recount" (news.bbc.co.uk)	(780)
(kctv5.com)	"A man took two ambulance rides overnight. The first was in a stolen emergency rig... the second came after he crashed the first ambulance into a power pole" (kctv5.com)	(11)
(Patriot Ledger)	The next step in zero tolerance: School expels teacher for violent words doodled on paper during movie (patriotledger.com)	(67)
	New Hampshire teen graduates from puppy theft to Craigslist prostitution. With $400-seems-a-little-steep mug shot (seacoastonline.com)	(91)
(Some Mainiac)	Bowing, blowing kisses, No diploma for you (wmtw.com)	(75)
	Royal Navy warship captain bans "the Devil's vegetable" (thisisplymouth.co.uk)	(93)
	Photoshop these tourists (news.bbc.co.uk)	(26)
	Teenage girl dug up to be 'corpse bride' (telegraph.co.uk)	(97)
	"Crowds, Calm, and then Gunshots" A report from inside Iran (discussion continued - Part VI) (online.wsj.com)	(1069)
	Grade school accidentally starts showing porn at a student assembly. Bonus: It took them 45 seconds to figure out how to shut it off (redorbit.com)	(158)

Mon June 15, 2009

	♫ Don't you know ♫ They're talkin bout a Revolution ♫ (Iran election/Revolt Thread Part V) (thread closed) (cnn.com)	(1492)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop famous photos if they were taken five minutes earlier (worldsfamousphotos.com)	(135)
	High school art student conceals F-word on yearbook cover, gets standing ovation during graduation. Also voted most likely to write long rants about word filters. Yeah, this kid's going places (redorbit.com)	(285)
	Biggest threat to women? Driving. So get back in the kitchen there cupcake, for your own good (ctv.ca)	(151)
	Did you go to church yesterday? If you did, I'm gonna go out on a limb and bet a preacher in a clown suit didn't jump over a pile of live babies in your parking lot. Just a hunch (blogs.herald.com)	(48)
	♫♫ By order of the prophet ♫ We ban that boogie sound ♫ Degenerate the faithful ♫ With that crazy casbah sound ♫♫ (Iran election/revolt thread, Part IV) (cnn.com)	(too many)
	Rescuers save calf from well. Soon, she will veal much better (wesh.com)	(34)
	Having a prosthetic arm violates Abercrombie and Fitch "look" policy; as in "look how much money we lose from these lawsuits" (dailymail.co.uk)	(183)
(Some Guy)	Robber at diamond store "Give me all your diamonds". Fark: It was the 'Black Diamond' ski equipment store (ksl.com)	(55)
	Palestinians: we can haz state, army, munitions control of airspace? Netanyahu: no, not yours. Mubarak: LOL WUT (news.bbc.co.uk)	(247)
(KTLA)	In an unusual twist of events, this story from southern California about a young woman, a cougar, three chihuahuas, and a garage is not the plot of a porn movie (ktla.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)	Do not use a power drill to open a can of spray paint. The drill might spark, causing the spewing paint to turn into a fire ball in your face. That would not be a good thing (spokesman.com)	(65)
	Old and busted: Airline sends your luggage to the the wrong airport. New hotness: Airline sends your kid to the wrong airport (consumerist.com)	(162)
	Scientists want to use radiation to sterilize male mosquitos. What could possibly go wrong? (news.bbc.co.uk)	(113)
	Lightning strikes kill 16 cows standing in a puddle. Well done (news.bbc.co.uk)	(92)
(Some Guy)	More people showed up for Decemberists concert in Tehran than expected, police scrambling for more party favors as night falls (albawaba.com)	(lots)
	Bollywood actor arrested for rape, supporters claim that the authorities are just making a big song and dance out of nothing (news.com.au)	(60)
	Police shoot, kill schizophrenic man for threatening himself with knives. Tag selects itself (foxnews.com)	(170)
(Some Good Ol' Boy)	Hazard Police have to shoot out the tires of stolen church van after 20 mile chase. Uncle Jessie unavailable for comment (wkyt.com)	(46)
(King5)	Good time to perform a background credit check #153: When a movie producer asks to use your home for a dark comedy about a couple whose yard is infested with raccoons (king5.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop theme: alien presence detected (5.media.tumblr.com)	(36)
	All this story needs is Burt Reynolds, a Trans Am, a hound dog and 400 cases of Coors beer (wtam.com)	(76)
(Drew)	Middlesex Facebook middle school sex booking, past Pat Pat Pass pissed, and Jehovah's Witnesses in your doorway: Headlines of the Week 6/7 to 6/13 (fark.com)	(23)
	10 ways to be a "grillmaster". "Have a grill" not on list (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(281)
(Some Guy)	After months of advertising and announcements, and multiple delays, there are still those who had issues with the DTV transition. Like this FOX affiliate (myfoxaustin.com)	(78)
	Man thinks it's cool he's had the same license plate number for the past 40 years until he gets 170 tickets from the Department of Revenue, who also thought it was a cool number to use when testing new ticketing equipment (upi.com)	(111)
	One confirmed dead as militia open fire on Iranian protestors (hosted.ap.org)	(lots)
	The latest crop circle found in Britain is either a prophecy about the end of the world or a testament to how creative British people can be when they're drunk. Which do you believe? (telegraph.co.uk)	(120)
	Scientists revive organism frozen under the arctic ice for 120,000 years. R.J Macready would just like you all to know that this is a really bad idea (newscientist.com)	(168)
	Counter-terrorism experts warn of new home-grown jihad terror threat in wake of recruitment center shooting. Suck it Pro-Choicers (news.yahoo.com)	(212)
	Even commies like to chat with babes online all day (news.bbc.co.uk)	(33)
	Photoshop theme: Boys will be boys (fark.com)	(26)
	Taliban crashes wedding, attacks musicians, shaving their heads and making them swear never again to sing "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" at future weddings (news.yahoo.com)	(113)
	Even hardenned Trekkies will look at these pictures and say "Wow, what nerds" (telegraph.co.uk)	(201)
	"The squirrel leapt on my face and on to the conservatory. Then he was off" (thisisplymouth.co.uk)	(26)
	Egyptian president blasts Bebe's proposal for a two state solution, after he outrageously demands that one of the two states should recognized as "Israel." (jpost.com)	(134)
(Some Guy)	Woman jumps train track at over 100 MPH, kills two motorcyclists, and has no memory of the accident. Strangely, alcohol was NOT a factor (charlotteobserver.com)	(150)
	Naked rugby matched interrupted by fully clothed streaker (NSFW) (guardian.co.uk)	(79)
	Homeless man waiting to take over prime intersection from another guy that won't give it up. Even after 20 years (myfoxdc.com)	(21)
	Indiana man charged again with grabbing false teeth (indystar.com)	(19)
	Iran Supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei orders probe of election fraud. At this point Norm Coleman and Katherine Harris are the only two people on the planet who think this election wasn't rigged (boston.com)	(1001)
(Some Guy)	Woman angry that she is charged a $45 booking fee every time she is arrested; if only there were some solution to this problem (cjonline.com)	(72)
(thelondonpaper)	"The tiny cocker spaniel was trapped in a waste pipe for nearly four hours after four-year-old Daniel Blair decided he "needed a wash" and put him in the toilet before pulling the chain" (thelondonpaper.com)	(43)
	The swine flu super-pandemic has infiltrated Europe and left a long, bloody trail of one dead in Scotland (bloomberg.com)	(36)
	The coolest picture of a tornado appearing out of nowhere you'll see all day (ngm.nationalgeographic.com)	(94)
	Man shoots himself in the buttocks. They say it's a million dollar wound (azcentral.com)	(45)
	Britain introduces new "anti-stab" knives. What a pointless idea (timesonline.co.uk)	(236)
	New Jersey State Police prepare to switch from VHS to digital recording. Up next: getting some of those newfangled cellular telephonic devices (nj.com)	(63)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these parachutes (af.mil)	(25)
	Forty years after NASA filmed the fake moon landing, Americans no longer care about fake moon exploration (azcentral.com)	(304)
(Some Guy)	"As part of Town and Country Days in Mapleton, contestants had to eat as many buffalo turds as possible in two minutes." (keyc.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)	Avon, Mary Kay, Tupperware see huge increase in those willing to irritate friends and family to buy their products (mddailyrecord.com)	(100)
	BBC correspondent on the ground in Tehran says the current situation in Iran is 'explosive', and may be headed for a very bloody national crackdown (news.bbc.co.uk)	(lots)
	Los Angeles Lakers defeat Orlando Magic for the 2009 NBA Championship; 15th title for franchise, 10th for Phil Jackson, 4th for Kobe, 1st for Adam Morrison (usatoday.com)	(215)