Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for 2009-06-14

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Sun June 14, 2009

Source	Fark Headline		Comments
(Some Guy)		Backyard gardens can save you money if done correctly. Otherwise, say 'hello' to your new money pit (johnsoncitypress.com)	(216)
		"Sir, would you like fries with that?" "No thanks, I'm so drunk I just want my burger" "Very good,sir, please pull up to the first deputy waiting to arrest you" (foxnews.com)	(190)
		Kobe or not Kobe. That...is the question as the LA Lakers prepare for an Orlando Magic team that will not die. NBA Finals Game 5 discussion thread (8pm ET, ABC) (sports.yahoo.com)	(334)
(Some Guy)		Old and busted: Corsets. The New Hotness: Tactical corsets (thread has pics that are not safe for the average workplace) (tacticalcorsets.com)	(493)
		Obama creates Pacific Northwest Trail, a 1,200 mile path from Montana to Washington. Suck it, filthy hippie hiking enthusiasts (seattlepi.com)	(130)
(Some Guy)		Too Cute. This just goes to show that the idea that every person in the world has a twin out there also applies to furry things... well, sort of...(pics). Happy Bunnday (snuzzy.com)	(58)
		Photoshop this Mexican fisherman (photography.nationalgeographic.com)	(30)
(Some Chick)		Newest exploitive campaign for Nadya Suleman. Octodolls. "She wants to sell babies that come eight to a box, so little girls can play with a big family too" (news.lalate.com)	(78)
		If it's news, it's not CNN (news.cnet.com)	(164)
		A day in the life of all media (nypost.com)	(28)
(Credit Bloggers)		Teenagers in Greensboro, NC are paid $1 per day to not get pregnant (creditbloggers.com)	(121)
		"Grand Ayatollah Sanei in Iran has declared Ahmadinejad's presidency illegitimate and cooperating with his government against Islam. " It just keeps getting better and better (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(lots)
(Some IRC Guy)		Floridian & feline felon faces fearsome future in federal reformatory facility for fatal fun with cats (justnews.com)	(101)
		Guess why one angry, morbidly obese sounding woman is suing White Castle (startribune.com)	(419)
		Scottish Association sues distillery in the Supreme Court of Canada for using the word 'glen'. Distillery located in a glen, in the town of Glenville, in the province of New Scotland...Scotch tape to be next (cbc.ca)	(80)
		Now that we are officially in a swine flu pandemic, we can look back at pandemics we have known (wbbm780.com)	(26)
(Some Guy)		Zagat says Starbucks has the best fast-food coffee, and subby agrees. Its the best, right after Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds, Panera Bread, ExxonMobile, and rat piss (news.moneycentral.msn.com)	(204)
(Forward)		Newspaper gives reporters the day off to let novelists and poets write the next edition. Sample TV review: "I didn't watch TV yesterday." (forward.com)	(23)
		Arrest report of the North Carolina man arrested for constructing awesome roadside monster out of construction barrels - and a pic for those of you who missed it the first time (thesmokinggun.com)	(205)
		"Minn. Man's Monster Muskie Missing." Actually, analysis affirms alliteration affinity. Farkers freak, fill forums, post pusillanimous prattle, threaten thread throwdown (startribune.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)		Subby sees your weekly TSG and raises with Hot Mugshots (mughots.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)		Michigan counties turn paved roads back to gravel in an effort to save money (wwmt.com)	(55)
		Massachusetts pays employees to sleep in back of subway cars because politicians and union leaders won't allow job cuts (boston.com)	(66)
		A missile-detection system, two helipads, a luxury spa, swimming pool and a miniature submarine are just some of the features on the worlds largest and most expensive private yacht (dailymail.co.uk)	(57)
		Does not matter what it is called, Americans still will not eat it (theage.com.au)	(151)
		Oh Dr. Karl S. Kruszelnicki, what DON'T you know about mussels? (abc.net.au)	(32)
		Study: Living together makes you fat. Not so fast, all you single losers cheering right now: living with mom and dad counts, fatty (upi.com)	(82)
(MPBN.com)		One room schoolhouse with two students closes doors for good. And don't call me Shirley (mpbn.net)	(31)
		Warship instrumental to the October Revolution has been converted to a party barge. Lenin now spins in his grave with sufficient power to light-up Atlanta (english.pravda.ru)	(43)
		New city dress code requires employees to use deodorant and wear underwear. Fark: The mayor voted against the changes (tampabay.com)	(79)
		Is quitting smoking contagious? Here comes the science (health.howstuffworks.com)	(46)
		65 people compete in the "World stinging nettle eating contest". They are likely to have trouble at a fairly specific future point (telegraph.co.uk)	(42)
		Searchable database gives the alcohol content, nutritional value and snob rating of your favorite beer (palmbeachpost.com)	(101)
(Some Spirit Sphere)		Photoshop this mod pod (blogue.ekimondo.com)	(32)
		What do the 185-horsepower 2009 Hyundai Santa Fe and the super-charged 3.8-liter, twin-turbocharged 24-valve V6 2009 Nissan GT-R have in common with each other? Well, not very much at all, as it turns out (abcnews.go.com)	(73)
(WWL)		Police officer dies after serving 63 years with same department..after a brief stint in the D-Day invasion (wwl.com)	(64)
		Any person caught using plastic bags in Uganda from early 2010 will be jailed for three years or be fined an equivalent of $1,500 (earthtimes.org)	(70)
		Swedish police upset about artist leaving fake "carrot bombs" around the place. When reached for comment, all the artist would say is "What's up, døc?" (thelocal.se)	(33)
		Quick: how do you properly dispose of the American flag? (no, "send it to Iraq" is not the answer) Don't know? You're not alone. Apparently nearly everyone in Illinois is also clueless. In other news, Happy Flag Day (cbs2chicago.com)	(272)
		Caption these guys (flickr.com)	(55)
		Tourism to far-away Vulcan soars after release of new Star Trek movie. It was all just special effects (google.com)	(40)
		Seattle's gum wall recognized as 2nd most germy attraction in the world, narrowly edged out by Britney Spears' car seat (komonews.com)	(48)
(Some Fishmonger)		Photoshop this fresh fish (www3.ic-net.or.jp)	(33)
		Food fight results in 10 arrests, campus lockdown. Witness says: "They planned it like armed insurgents." (upi.com)	(49)
		Hiker falls to his death from Half Dome in Yosemite. Officials are unsure if he understood the gravity of the situation (google.com)	(93)
		Don't you hate it when you're in the shower and run out of shampoo, then a pitbull attacks you? (theledger.com)	(29)
		Throw another crook on the barbie (breitbart.com)	(27)
		Japan experiencing surge in "history girls," groups of young women attracted to Warring States Period of bloodthirsty feudal warlords and ultra-manly samurai (mdn.mainichi.jp)	(104)
(Some Chick)		Hindu dad is outraged that his son was given the beef taco meal he requested for lunch at school, calling it an "intentional act of religious bigotry." (fox8.com)	(148)
		Protip: If you are working the drive thru window and are gonna spit in a cop's Egg McMuffin, don't leave 'stringy mucus' behind as evidence (wbbm780.com)	(64)
(NBC Dallas)		Carrie Prejean appearance at Special Olympics cancelled; the organization didn't want to be associated with anyone that retarded (nbcdfw.com)	(274)

Sat June 13, 2009

(Some Guy)	Researchers studying experimental appetite suppressant that could make human appetite easily controllable. The "injected directly into the brain" part isn't exactly appealing, though (futurepundit.com)	(85)
	Investigators: Air France 447 pilots had to deal with a cascade of simultaneous system failures (latimes.com)	(200)
	"Accused Facebook spammer could face jail time." You like this (pcworld.com)	(62)
	British councils spend £50m a year translating documents into languages that nobody reads, and that's before you even take Welsh into account (telegraph.co.uk)	(32)
	Anti-drug activist arrested on drug charges (upi.com)	(84)
(Post Bulletin)	Get your boots on and spread some mayonaisse on the lawn. It's the 135th Viola Gopher Count (postbulletin.com)	(37)
	The ATF confirms what everyone already knew, natural gas from Slim Jims is explosive (wral.com)	(37)
(Some Guy)	Many mental health professionals have concluded that the official version of 9/11 is false, and that those who believe the official version suffer from emotional problems or defense mechanisms. Wait, what? (washingtonsblog.com)	(440)
	The only person the RIAA has ever gotten to trial for file sharing is getting a retrial. That puts the RIAA at 0 for 30,000, if you're counting (google.com)	(129)
	Ahmadinejad's own election monitoring commission has declared the Iranian election results invalid and call for do-over (andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com)	(1204)
	North Korea says they will continue work on the Illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator just as soon as they take care of that pesky rabbit (hosted.ap.org)	(44)
(Some Guy)	What are these prom kids thinking about? (imgur.com)	(60)
	Worst Bed Bug outbreak since WW2. Everybody hammock (examiner.com)	(73)
	Remember the Oklahoma highway patrol dash cam video that shows the EMT assaulting the trooper first? It doesn't. ( w/ trooper passing goodness) (newsok.com)	(213)
	"The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume" (thesun.co.uk)	(37)
	Doctors have figured out how to keep kids healthy: no more YouTube (wbbm780.com)	(35)
	Photoshop this excited entertainer (flickr.com)	(30)
	In three minutes, 200,000 Facebook users grab unique 'nickname' for their account. And some basement dweller in Michigan already reserved your fark handle (news.cnet.com)	(99)
	Actual headline: "Baby Born On NYC Mass Transit For 2nd Straight Day." Both the baby and his mom reported to be extremely sore; hope there isn't a day three (wcbstv.com)	(14)
	A map of what your tattoo locations say about you (cracked.com)	(238)
	There's a bird, there's a plane... there's a huge mass of crazy naked people riding their bikes today (examiner.com)	(49)
	Clinton acknowledges that, where North Korean is concerned, UN are tools (breitbart.com)	(62)
	You know the big red truck with the bright flashing lights that says stay back 500 feet? Yeah, that (wral.com)	(77)
	The announced election results are so uncontroversial and unsuprising that the government has shut down cell phone service and blocked access to social networking sites; confident that no one would feel any desire to discuss the outcome (news.yahoo.com)	(358)
	Slideshow of tips for keeping one's brain young, sharp. Wild, frequent sex with much younger partners shockingly not on list (msnbc.msn.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)	More Chattanooga prostitutes. Believe it or not, these are considered "10's" down South (newschannel9.com)	(149)
	When Davey Crockett says he wants his mower back, he farking means it (foxnews.com)	(16)
	Dead woman's family caught in middle of funeral home turf war, when rival undertaker steals keys to hearse in middle of funeral (timesonline.co.uk)	(26)
	You know who else is upset about all those millions of Mexicans coming to America? Well, Mexico, of course (news.yahoo.com)	(356)
	Does your Kindle lack a certain something? Try Book Smell in a can It comes in four fresh scents: New Book, Classic Musty, Eau You Have Cats and of course, Bacon (wired.com)	(53)
	If you are in Chicago, and someone is selling you $100 Nikes for $35, think twice. "The thing with Nike is that they'll lock someone up for having just one pair of counterfeit shoes" (wbbm780.com)	(102)
	First grade teacher lets class play with duct tape. Unfortunately, someone has a problem with this (telegram.com)	(86)
	In a shocking new study, it turns out that - GASP - young people don't care as much about the news as older people. That's it, we must get the government to declare a War on Ignorance (news.yahoo.com)	(73)
	Someone has stolen over $2000 worth of bras and panties. "Police say they want to know if the panty raid was part of a bigger crime ring." (wftv.com)	(41)
(FMQB)	After being tossed to the FCC backburner and ignored, it looks like there may be new life for Low Power FM. Could FarkRadio be coming soon? (fmqb.com)	(68)
	Students and teachers: Our school curriculum is based on politics rather than facts. Judge: So what? (boston.com)	(76)
	Anybody want to buy some flags? We've got six of 'em right here... and if you act now, we'll throw in this roller coaster for free (abcnews.go.com)	(179)
	National Man Day or Sneak A Kiss Day? When holidays collide (salon.com)	(49)
	Photoshop this wide-eyed woman walking (spiegel.de)	(30)
	Who gets to keep $178,496 found in abandoned safe? (a) widower of former owner (b) brother of former owner (c) tow truck driver who dumped it in vacant lot (d) state of Massachusetts (e) lawyers (boston.com)	(70)
	One of the twelve red light cameras in San Diego generates 54.5% of the tickets (4,503 per month). Safest intersection ever (www3.signonsandiego.com)	(88)
	Gold rush hits Indian highway. Everybody PAN-IT (timesofindia.indiatimes.com)	(23)
	In a groundbreaking new study of genetic and archaeological data, scientists have traced the evolution and origin of the "housecat" from "Felis silvestris lybica" all the way to LOLus CATus... just in time for Caturday (scientificamerican.com)	(425)
	There was probably only one yellow lobster present at the birth of Christ (usatoday.com)	(55)
(madison.com)	If you go by "Country" and you threaten to cut someone up "like a wild hillbilly", you might be a redneck (madison.com)	(22)
	Fox News poll asks if people think Obama is sneaking smokes around White House. Naturally, some people have a problem with this, perspective (gawker.com)	(119)
	Even museum shooter's own son hated him (abcnews.go.com)	(67)
	Teacher's aide at a girls' school forced to quit her job because parents didn't believe she was really a woman. "I have irrefutable medical evidence that I'm a woman" (dailymail.co.uk)	(93)
(Hey, It's Cheap)	Rejoice, lovers of nearly spicy food, Taco Bell's Volcano Taco is back permanently. Bonus: Article includes pictures of the "meat rake" and sour cream gun in action (seriouseats.com)	(142)
	Shuttle astronauts get a stay of execution (news.yahoo.com)	(50)
(Some Townie)	High school prank leaves 75 gnomeless (phillyburbs.com)	(19)
	Zoo spends $500,000 on a new prarie dog habitat. Prarie dogs escape within ten minutes. "They find all the weak spots and exploit them." (baltimoresun.com)	(61)
(Banner)	Internationally known psychic bilked of $200k by her bookkeeper. If only there were some way she could have seen that coming (benningtonbanner.com)	(57)
	Instead of learning how to canoe and tie knots, kids in summer camps these days are learning how to boil an egg and chage duvet covers (dailymail.co.uk)	(70)
	"Qaddafi Calls for Feminist Action, Says Women Aren't Furniture." Rugs or toilets, maybe. But not furniture (bloomberg.com)	(46)
	Photoshop these two lonely graduates (telegram.com)	(25)
	Naked man tied to rock tells students who found him he didn't need any help. "Alcohol may have been involved" (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(22)
(Some Asheville Guy)	If you're going to do 18 over in a construction zone make sure you don't have 25 pounds of cocaine in your car (citizen-times.com)	(33)
(WPTV)	The quick brown fox jumped over the stolen clogs (wptv.com)	(30)

Fri June 12, 2009

(WPTZ)	ACLU sues town to telling sex offender he can't live near parks, bus stops, churches, schools, rest rooms, day care centers, malls, book stores, paved roads, visible structures, sunlight (wptz.com)	(260)
	U.S.S. John McCain tries to sink a Chinese sub. His body keeps writing checks only his wife can cash (www2.canada.com)	(129)
(Some Guy)	Clear Channel apologizes for gutting the soul out of local radio. Just kidding, they're launching something called "Artist Personal Experience" to allow Stevie Nicks to DJ all her own tracks on the internet. The Internet, I said (mediabuyerplanner.com)	(50)
	Lightning bolt cooks man at BBQ: "I was told the only thing I could say as I was drifting in and out of consciousness was 'sausages'" (thesun.co.uk)	(81)
	It's mug shot round up time, and WHOA...what the hell is that? (thesmokinggun.com)	(222)
(Some Guy)	Bakon Vodka. Perhaps the only bacon product that isn't good (bakonvodka.com)	(84)
	Mona Lisa smiles indeed. Not safe for work if they're not a fan of the arts (msnbc.msn.com)	(73)
(Some Guy)	Two drunk men stumble out of a van to pee on a man's house and steal the chicken he was grilling. "The officer noted Carrat had something reddish-brown on his fingers, and there was a dab of the same substance on his cheek." (madison.com)	(51)
	82 regular season games. 15 playoff wins each. It all comes down to this: Game 7. Stanley Cup Finals. Wings/Pens, 8pm ET. Let the game begin. (Wings suck) (espn.go.com)	(2129)
	See that blimp with ads on it at the Indy 500? Yeah, it saw you, too (newsweek.com)	(133)
(Some Guy)	Austin light-years ahead of rest of world by offering carbon-neutral drive-by's (austinist.com)	(90)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this alien-like terrain (s55.radikal.ru)	(52)
	Like your confused grandpa talking into his remote control, Congressional Republicans calling for investigation as to whether or not China's Internet filter violates the First Amendment (online.wsj.com)	(126)
(WWL-TV)	"Dead frogs litter highway after accident" (w/ pic) (wwltv.com)	(85)
	Prisoner is convicted over killing a fellow inmate over the theft of a honey-bun. I know how he feels. I would shank a man over anything with 'Little Debbie' on it (orlandosentinel.com)	(62)
(Some Guy)	Not news: Town hall clock stops. News: Man falls out of clock tower trying to fix it. Fark: He fell because he was surprised by the dead body (shropshirestar.com)	(85)
	How to recycle your underwear (blogs.howstuffworks.com)	(97)
	Office workers find that their fitness levels increase when they replace the chairs with stability balls... and the tables with trampolines... and the coffee mugs with weight sets (knoxnews.com)	(106)
	UN imposes additional sanctions on North Korea for acting like a douche (news.bbc.co.uk)	(142)
	Michelle Obama doesn't wear fur. PETA reps disappointed at missed opportunity for grandstanding their outrage (washingtontimes.com)	(241)
	British police unveil their latest weapon in the fight against crime. Presumably the idea is that the criminals will be too busy laughing to run away properly (dailymail.co.uk)	(114)
	"Clark Rockefeller" fails to con jury into buying his insanity defense (msnbc.msn.com)	(40)
	Man has crap beaten out of him while sitting on toilet - was it 1 stinker who did this? No. 2 (tcpalm.com)	(82)
	Dairy farmer uses a fully automated computer-controlled robotic milking station to milk his cows. Beware the rise of the moo-chines (desmoinesregister.com)	(96)
	If Mr. Ed were shot in a drive-by, he'd put a cap in someone's, uh, ass (wbbm780.com)	(27)
(Some Guy)	Gary Revell gets up every morning before sunrise, heads into the woods and grunts for worms. Wait, what? (goerie.com)	(56)
	French shops sue Saudi princess for, well, acting like a princess (news.bbc.co.uk)	(97)
(Some Guy)	Library halted until old cemetery is moved -- What wrong with them? Didn't these people see Poltergeist? (chicagotribune.com)	(98)
	Can't keep my eyes from the circling sky, tongue-tied and twisted just an earthbound misfit, I (news.com.au)	(131)
	Courthouse parking lot attendant figured the terrorist left the "Danger" and "Radioactive" warning signs on the bomb planted in the pickup truck, just like they do on "MacGruber" (chron.com)	(61)
	Thief steals identity of police identity theft investigator, charges $2,000 worth of irony on his credit card (chicagotribune.com)	(117)
	How do you celebrate becoming the world's most expensive footballer? Obviously you go and see the world's most expensive hooker (thesun.co.uk)	(128)
	Wife: "Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you." Husband: "biatch" (startribune.com)	(63)
	Authorities trying to solve drive-by eggings. Victims are shell-shocked, but expected to get ova it (nwfdailynews.com)	(46)
	Naked man who burglarized church assaults officers upon his release, completes his own Fark trifecta (seattlepi.com)	(18)
	New York to cull geese to prevent them buzzing the tower. They told Maverick it was a bad idea (cbc.ca)	(104)
	Hipster columnist travels the South wearing obnoxious atheist t-shirts, disappointed he didn't get lynched (examiner.com)	(824)
(Some Guy)	Police arrest serial plant thief, should begonia way for a long time (wcpo.com)	(38)
	NC State student arrested for creating a monster out of traffic barrels and cones (with pics) (wral.com)	(156)
	Today's TSG contest. Which sports superstar had his name co-opted by a narcotics trafficker? Contest ends at 4pm Eastern (thesmokinggun.com)	(97)
	Police seize magic mushroom chocolate bars bound for Bonnaroo: "a person can die the first time they use these poisonous mushrooms....There's no telling how many lives they may have saved" (tennessean.com)	(441)
(Some Reporter)	Observant market analyst Ric Romero isn't one to let economic trends escape unnoticed: "With the economy the way it is, many consumers are in the market for a used car to save money" (abclocal.go.com)	(63)
	Photoshop theme: citation needed (fark.com)	(32)
(thelondonpaper)	"I decided the best way to show my appreciation was by putting a bunch of old toilets and some live chicken nuggets in their museum" (thelondonpaper.com)	(15)
	In a shocking revelation, man who claimed he'd been abducted and stripped down to his boxers actually made up the whole story (thescottishsun.co.uk)	(18)
	We're all stumped as to why two dudes would marry a tree. Here's hoping the bride doesn't turn out to be a beech (chron.com)	(94)
	♫ Light aircraft man, light aircraft man ♫ Light aircraft man hates four-wheel-drive man ♫ They have a fight ♫ Light aircraft wins ♫ Light aircraft man ♫ (news.com.au)	(136)
	Before every middle school band in America ruined it, this was perhaps THE. GREATEST. SONG. EVAR. And here's how it's supposed to be played, by the band that started it all (youtube.com)	(298)
	Spanish immigration minister says bakery definitely not 'armless (news.bbc.co.uk)	(17)
	Brewhouse workers arrested after breaking into pub for a secret midnight drinking fest, which, in retrospect, was probably worth it (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(20)
	If you're 7 foot 4 inches tall burglary may not be the best profession as people tend to recognize you (upi.com)	(37)
	The urban tapeworm epidemic has begun. EVERYBODY PARASITIC (scientificamerican.com)	(119)
	Woodpecker mistakes lamppost for tree. The Sun is inexplicably there (thesun.co.uk)	(43)
	Laughing at the rubes scrambling to get a convertor box for their analog TVs, Mr. "I Have Cable" Guy? Well this might wipe a little of that smug off your face (npr.org)	(193)
	Colorado lottery accidentally sends 30,000 emails telling people that they had won a hundred dollars (denverpost.com)	(34)
	Man with a fiery temper gets all hot under the collar when somebody throws a bottle of hot sauce. Is steamed to learn he's going to jail for 33 years (kansascity.com)	(46)
	Photoshop this chain (flickr.com)	(31)
(MMF Hall of Humiliation)	Twitter is breathing life into all sorts of declining businesses. Like Multilevel Marketing Fraud (mmfhoh.org)	(55)
(Some Chick)	Just when you thought you had enough of Nadya Suleman, "Octomom The Musical" will open July 1 (myfoxdetroit.com)	(80)

Thu June 11, 2009

	Smokers in Indiana are not happy about a new law that forces all cigarettes to be 'fire safe.' "I've been coughing constantly and having chest pains because you have to inhale harder on the new cigarettes." (indystar.com)	(189)
	David Carradine did not commit suicide, according to forensic expert. "Bizarre sado-masochistic masturbation involving a ferret" still in play, but it wasn't on purpose (hosted.ap.org)	(188)
	Tips for talking about curse words with a #@% 12-year-old (blogs.orlandosentinel.com)	(147)
	Your next owner of the St. Louis Rams: Rush Limbaugh? (sportsbybrooks.com)	(198)
	Chuck-ieeeee Cheeeeeses, where a KID can be a KID, (unless he's black) (upi.com)	(193)
	Megan Fox is a complete CGI fabrication... a BISEXUAL CGI fabrication (cinematical.com)	(203)
	Photoshop this sea portal (flickr.com)	(63)
	Iranian experts say Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is toast during this election. If it is not rigged (guardian.co.uk)	(194)
	Submitter didn't cry in his office at all. That didn't happen (watch the video) (mysanantonio.com)	(239)
	The 'kick your caffeine habit and pick up your energy level' is lies... all lies (newsday.com)	(139)
	You never want to be the guy that has to clean out the radioactive wasp nests next to a nuclear power plant (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(69)
	Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's a giant inflatable gorilla in a bathing suit and sunglasses and it is my constitutional right to have one (chron.com)	(40)
	A restraining order means no contact with the subject -- at the workplace, at home, and yes, in port-o-potties too (seacoastonline.com)	(13)
	Pot for personal use will be legal in California by 2010 (sfgate.com)	(197)
	New Obama policy reduces man's jail time over pot charges from five years to one. Still no cure for the DEA (suntimes.com)	(69)
	Seven ways to annoy a stewardess. Make that eight (travel.yahoo.com)	(160)
(Some Guy)	Police in Atlanta fear that lion reports may actually be true (wsbtv.com)	(61)
	Target on Holocaust Museum shooter's list included Fox News location. When you stare into the whargarbl, the whargarbl stares back into you (huffingtonpost.com)	(242)
	"The responsible white separatist community condemns [the Holocaust museum shooting]. It makes us look bad." (washingtonpost.com)	(412)
	Tucson police: Hospital staff photographed patient's 'ambiguous genitalia' (azstarnet.com)	(87)
(Some Guy)	2 Japanese carrying $134 bil worth of U.S. bonds detained in Italy (asianews.it)	(233)
(Some Guy)	Small business man threatens to sue unless website owner puts back the images he was hotlinking to (dizzythinks.net)	(127)
	What the Swine Flu pandemic really means. Hint: WHO does not define a pandemic by lethality (forbes.com)	(99)
	Ever wondered how zombie brains work? This Harvard Psychiatrist explains it all (io9.com)	(171)
	Feds use 'back door wiretap' to help convict penis pill fraudster, but their case might've been inflated (rawstory.com)	(52)
	Oil and chemical tanker "Torm Mary" strikes bottom of river with one of nation's fastest currents through a city of 20,000. The Perfect Torm (seacoastonline.com)	(41)
	Now that the pesky murder problem is solved Baltimore cracks down illegal turtle street vendors (baltimoresun.com)	(75)
	When Bacon Attacks (seattlepi.com)	(91)
(The Weekly Vice)	Principal on trial for kiddie porn had to resign from three elementary schools before someone finally bothered to Google him (theweeklyvice.com)	(160)
(Some Guy)	Home demolition company given GPS coordinates, not a street address. Since you're reading it here, you can probably guess what happened (wsbtv.com)	(191)
(Some Fosters Guy)	Leaf-blowing dispute between neighbors finally Godwin'd after two years (pic) (fosters.com)	(101)
(myfoxphilly.com)	Gene Simmons tells Adam Lambert to shut up about being gay (myfoxphilly.com)	(274)
(wptv.com)	Dog gets high after finding pot stash in a park. Just say arf to drugs (wptv.com)	(106)
(Fox Detroit)	Throwing money at the roads in Detroit won't fix the potholes (myfoxdetroit.com)	(34)
(Some Guy)	Congress proposes allowing the FCC to limit TV ad volume. BILLY MAYS IS NOT AMUSED (ydr.inyork.com)	(215)
	When God smites you with a meteor, you should probably consider that he really doesn't want you going to school that day (thelocal.de)	(60)
	It's going to be tougher to give yourself cancer (wbbm780.com)	(176)
	Police raid sushi bar for gangstas. That's the way they roll? (knx1070.com)	(60)
	Photoshop this paragon of manliness (photos.upi.com)	(39)
(Some Guy)	2008: What is Obama is a sekret muslin? 2009: What if Obama is a sekret canuck? (opednews.com)	(241)
	Retail sales climb in May, thanks to infinitely complex combination of factors that will likely be attributed to that extra $15 you get on your paycheck now (news.yahoo.com)	(63)
	Having solved all of the other problems of humanity, the EU's highest court deliberates on whether you can trademark a chocolate bunny (online.wsj.com)	(19)
(Some Guy)	Woman who missed crashed Air France flight dies in car crash, was on her way to final destination (airfrance447.com)	(162)
(Star Gazette)	Man in go-cart charged with DWI. Claims he was being chased by koopas (stargazette.com)	(30)
	If you are going to commit a robbery, best to keep your name and address to yourself (wbbm780.com)	(6)
	If you're going to stop your pickup on the Interstate and attack the driver behind you with a prohibited weapon, you might want to make sure he's not a Secret Service agent first (pennlive.com)	(66)
	Obama to offer emergency air drop of vowels to Kyrgyzstn (usatoday.com)	(40)
	"After passing through his head, the bullet penetrated a second-story window. It tumbled, spent, to the floor near a secretary. She was unfazed" (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(54)
(nhregister.com)	Family tries to avoid arrest warrant being served by claiming they've got swine flu (nhregister.com)	(11)
	Responsible parents: "Could you please do a tubal ligation during the Caesarean section? Two kids is enough for us." Obstetrician: "No, you're too young." (cnews.canoe.ca)	(507)
	It's easy to misplace stuff when you've been smoking pot. But your two year old son shouldn't be one of them (wesh.com)	(51)
	It is easier for a President to pass through the eye of a needle than for a camel to enter the kingdom of God, or something like that (dailymail.co.uk)	(56)
	Wonder Woman Pole Studio protested by some neighborhood residents. Oddly, none are straight males (wtam.com)	(81)
(Some Rubbish)	The coolest junk shadows you'll see all day (environmentalgraffiti.com)	(31)
	Mexican mummies originally headed for Illinois will now go on display in Detroit, where the increase in body count will go entirely unnoticed (chicagotribune.com)	(23)
	British mother gives birth in a car on the motorway after being sent home by hospital. Aaliyah Peugeot Passenger-Seat weighed 6lbs 1oz and is doing well (telegraph.co.uk)	(70)
(Some Crush)	Coolest video montage you'll see all day. How many references can you identify? (glossyinc.com)	(106)
	Missouri family Christmas card photo ends up as storefront advertisement in Czech Republic (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(114)
	Sure, ticket bicyclists who run stop signs... but during a multiple sclerosis charity ride? (washingtonpost.com)	(303)
	Dreamboat files lawsuit against Match.com for masturbate & switch after realizing all his witty emails that weren't getting a response were actually going to inactive profile accounts (nypost.com)	(371)
(Some Guy)	Bra-stuffing activist fights for equal rights to wear the swimwear of the opposite sex. With video of his arrest. Wait. what? (whiotv.com)	(68)
	Whale sinks British couple's yacht. Husband vows to get his revenge, however long it takes (telegraph.co.uk)	(60)
	Police arrest man in connection with body found in dustbin, and they're wheelie, wheelie serious (news.bbc.co.uk)	(40)
	You know the economy is bad when micro-loan non-profits now allow Africans to loan money to Americans (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(21)
	GOP: "Obama is rushing his SCOTUS pick through." Reality: Obama giving more time than Bush did for Roberts (hosted.ap.org)	(132)
	A teenager whose IQ has been measured at 47 has been given 100 years in prison for fondling a 6 year old neighbor. Why, yes, this did happen in Texas, how did you guess? (msnbc.msn.com)	(422)
	Law lecturer shows Judge her bad moon rising. I see trouble on the way (news.com.au)	(21)
	Religious ruling permits ultra-orthodox Jews to operate their mobile phones on the Sabbath and religious holidays with their teeth. No word on those douchey bluetooth headsets (upi.com)	(121)
	Obama's drug czar calling for an end to War on Drugs. WTF is this guy's problem? (reuters.com)	(213)
	Another reason to close Guantanamo: It's become a state run madrassa (slate.com)	(54)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop Louie the blood drop (eldoradonews.com)	(24)
	If your accomplice gets caught after breaking into a house and is being questioned by the cops, make sure you text him to say where you're hiding. It makes their job much easier (palmbeachpost.com)	(8)
	Why do you like amateurs better than porn stars? Here comes the science (Not safe for work) (livenews.com.au)	(367)
	Taco truck hit by molotov cocktails. Stage set for dreaded triple-burn (latimesblogs.latimes.com)	(18)
	Women in stable relationships sleep better than those who have just broken up with a partner. The trick is putting down fresh hay (news.scotsman.com)	(44)
(Some Guy)	Weed, Booze, Cocaine and other Old School "Medicine" Ads (pharmacytechs.net)	(58)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 214: "Tilt-Shift Fake Miniature Scenes" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (farktography.net)	(186)
(Some Paranoid Guy)	Here's a pictorial showing dozens of streetlights from the last century (izismile.com)	(99)

Wed June 10, 2009

	Photoshop theme: "It seemed like a good idea at the time" (en.wikipedia.org)	(70)
(Some Guy)	Girl allergic to the 21st century (allheadlinenews.com)	(169)
(Some Guy)	Virginia segregating lesbian inmates, leaving civil rights activists licking their wounds (wric.com)	(75)
	Spanish bakery to employee who had just lost his arm in an accident: "you won't be kneading this anymore" (wtopnews.com)	(45)
	Dolly Parton impersonator nips Guinness world record for nonstop singing by a pair of hours (nzherald.co.nz)	(24)
	"Why Women Can't Be Bosses," with bonus claim that Benazir Bhutto was just asking to get herself killed. Get ready to punch your monitors (uk.askmen.com)	(395)
	Carrie Prejean will experience opposite employment and such (msnbc.msn.com)	(325)
	Time Magazine's top 10 worst covers ever: satanism, porn, overpopulation, drugs, profanity, more drugs, more porn, pokemon, school shootings, and obesity. Just to be clear, they're against all of those (reason.com)	(126)
	Time spent on FARK may raise your IQ. All that booze probably lowers it, though (popsci.com)	(50)
	Top 10 iPhone apps that will help you score. And #2 on the list makes it all worthwhile (spike.com)	(66)
	11yr old to be deported back to Poland without parents. Claims she's not from there (abcnews.go.com)	(88)
	Adorable GOP leader snicker predicts 2010 "landslide" snort (abcnews.go.com)	(287)
	You never want to be the guy responsible for shutting down your town's only bar (nzherald.co.nz)	(24)
(Some Guy)	Bar owner sued by music publishers for letting bands play cover songs by artists like Tom Petty, Bob Seger, and Stone Temple Pilots. "How does this little place do irreparable damage to some Joe Blow who wrote a song 20 years ago?" (hamptonroads.com)	(293)
	If you're naked and drinking a beer, it's a good idea to expose yourself through a hole in a fence to children playing in an adjoining backyard. Knot (sltrib.com)	(38)
	Man duct tapes his mom, beats her with bat, and rips her ear. Don't think Hallmark has a card to make up for that (digtriad.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)	Alleged Holocaust Museum shooter had a spat with Tom Clancy. Clancy's beatdown letter is better than anything he's ever published (warning: LGT NSFW hate site) (thebirdman.org)	(182)
	Six police recruits get their badges Thursday, get fired from the force on Friday (msnbc.msn.com)	(59)
	♫ I don't practice Santeria, I don't have no human skull, that I keep down in my basement with blood-spattered walls ♫ (courant.com)	(40)
(The Pittsburgh Channel)	Don't want your pet's ashes in a cold, impersonal urn? No problem. Put your pet's ashes in your pillow instead. Your dog does not want to sleep with you tonight (thepittsburghchannel.com)	(37)
	Not News: Mexican police in stand-off. Fark: With each other (thestar.com)	(29)
	Holocaust Museum shooter is believed to be well known white supremacist James Von Brunn (huffingtonpost.com)	(719)
(Missoulian)	Bank deposit bag containing over $8000 found and returned by R. Lee Ermey. Filthy maggots (missoulian.com)	(178)
	"Web 2.0" is officially cromulent (reuters.com)	(127)
	It was as if a million birds cried out at once and were silenced (gawker.com)	(106)
	Peyton Manning is the new spokesperson for the Indianapolis Tourism Board. Visitors can look forward to a few exciting and enjoyable days and then leave in shame and disappointment (chicagotribune.com)	(94)
	Astonishing study discovers that, when young women outnumber young men, young men play the field (sciencedaily.com)	(90)
	Lawyer sues Oakland A's because of sex discrimination in Mother's Day floppy sun hat giveaway. Fark: he wins (sports.espn.go.com)	(100)
	Man charged with animal cruelty after allegedly throwing litter in trash (wgal.com)	(61)
(some Yat)	After being quarantined in China, officials realize New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin wasn't exposed to someone with swine flu; man on plane actually became ill when he realized he was sitting next to Nagin (wwl.com)	(49)
	"Alberta man, 77, charges attacking bear, swearing in Cree, and rams branch down animal's throat" (theglobeandmail.com)	(114)
	Six publicity stunts that fooled everyone. But not you, because you called shenanigans early on... you just didn't tell anyone (Some pics Not safe for work) (cracked.com)	(218)
	♬♬ Mouse in a malt loaf♪...... ♪♪♪TWO BITES♩.. (PIC) (news.bbc.co.uk)	(57)
(Some Guy)	Airman facing rape charges after being booked in Middlesex for sex with middle school girl he met on Facebook (airforcetimes.com)	(77)
	It turns out that big search and rescue operation in Seattle for a man who fell off a ferry was a bit premature. "What was seen in the water appeared to be log with a balloon attached to it" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(28)
	Man on trial for counterfeiting is found innocent because he sucks at it (google.com)	(35)
	Mother and daughter charged with running a brothel. The family that lays together, stays together (wbbm780.com)	(78)
	6,000,002 (washingtonpost.com)	(1319)
	Europe cracks down on smuggling of Kurds. Whey (hosted.ap.org)	(45)
	Stealing tricycles from a special needs school is retarded (cbc.ca)	(62)
	Escaping from North Korea to China is like escaping from a colonoscopy to your in-laws (washingtonpost.com)	(115)
(Some Space Station)	Photoshop the ISS at full mast (s.wsj.net)	(59)
(Some Guy)	Having solved all other problems, PETA now going after the Seattle Fish Tossers (katu.com)	(229)
	Hiker goes missing in forest. Chopper goes looking for hiker. Chopper goes missing in forest (cnn.com)	(114)
	Website driven by anonymous insults taken down. You bunch of stupid idiots (abc2news.com)	(161)
	Man vs Parked utility truck. Winner: Fark.com (11alive.com)	(38)
	Fox News talking head at awards ceremony gives heartfelt speech about how Fox News opened America; "What Fox did is not just create a venue for alternative opinion. It created an alternate reality" (nypost.com)	(244)
	Unabomber going postal over plans to auction his personal effects (upi.com)	(84)
	Pentagon employees have received so much free travel from foreign countries, trade groups, and companies, that they might as well have an airplane parked on their lawn (google.com)	(39)
	Palau to accept Uighurs released from Guantanamo. No word on whether icy hot stunting will be allowed (hosted.ap.org)	(91)
	Asthma medication may be a possible cure for the most common type of leukemia. Still no cure for... asthma (bangordailynews.com)	(46)
	Neighborhood where long-time pizza man was robbed, raises more than $13,000 for him. He looks forward to being robbed there more often (wbbm780.com)	(20)
	French intelligence sources confirm that two of the passengers on AF447 had links to Islamist terrorist groups (dailymail.co.uk)	(222)
	"Ugliest House In the City" owner doesn't mind it at all: "I like it this way, it keeps the Mormons away." (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(213)
	Protip: when buying a new mattress for your mother-in-law, make sure the old one doesn't have one-million dollars in it before you throw it away (google.com)	(82)
	Rod Blagojevich plans a comedy show. This is not a repeat of his administration (msnbc.msn.com)	(57)
	Not telling the police where the drugs may be hidden? That's a waterboarding (news.sky.com)	(85)
	Finally, someone dares to show how Mickey Rourke's been kept alive all these years (i.gizmodo.com)	(73)
(MaineToday.com)	Homeless couple finally receive their high school diplomas, hope to save up for a wall to hang them on (morningsentinel.mainetoday.com)	(28)
(Some Guy)	20 cat deaths worry Florida communities, crazy old cat ladies (apnews.myway.com)	(124)
	Environmentalists appalled at Japan's weak climate target. But Americans have a such biiig climate, and Japanese climate is so small, so so small (news.bbc.co.uk)	(175)
(My Fox Atlanta)	How many bad ideas can you spot in this sentence? "Drunken driver speeds through a police station parking lot and stops his car between two marked cruisers to take a nap." (myfoxatlanta.com)	(26)
(Gwinnett Daily Post)	The Judge may be pleased by your prompt arrival or your suit, but he will not be pleased that you hijacked your girlfriend's car at gunpoint to get to court on time (gwinnettdailypost.com)	(6)
(Some Farker to Some Farkette)	Dear Kate, thanks for saying yes (schoolproposal.blogspot.com)	(206)
(And Finally)	Weird guy sells his dollhouse for a better price than a real home (andfinally.tv)	(43)
	Man who stole politician's wig will have toupee for his crimes (stuff.co.nz)	(42)
(Press Democrat)	Woman shotputs a 12-pack of lite beer to take down a thief (pressdemocrat.com)	(97)
	Elderly man lives with 8-foot-tall hive containing 40,000 killer bees on his front porch for years. And then things get weird. Cue Benny Hill theme (tampabay.com)	(80)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these wascally wabbits (snsimages.tribune.com)	(33)
	The secret history of beer - intelligent design we can all believe in (legendsofbeer.wordpress.com)	(68)
(Some Guy)	Prince is so hip he needs two more (showbiz411.com)	(127)
(Some Guy)	The most adorable waste of tax-payer dollars ever (izismile.com)	(80)
	Honking your horn in front of your neighbor's house is not free speech, no matter how angry you are that he turned you in to the HOA for having chickens in your yard (upi.com)	(50)
	Finally, a bailout for taxpayers: House passes a plan to pay consumers $4,500 in exchange for their old, gas-guzzling scraps of metal (news.yahoo.com)	(354)
	WHO getting ready to crank it to 11 (latimes.com)	(113)
(Some Guy)	Little league coach teaches children the fundamentals of baseball: hitting, catching, and stealing (king5.com)	(39)
(Calgary Herald)	News: Police seize over 90 pounds of cocaine. Fark: At the same house that police seized 50 pounds the week before (calgaryherald.com)	(68)
	San Francisco's Homeless 'Shoeshine Man' Back In Business (cbs5.com)	(41)

Tue June 09, 2009

(WNEMTV5)	1990: N.I.M.B.Y. 2009:Please don't close our prison (wnem.com)	(39)
	Prank caller hits jackpot with brainless hotel clerk, guest (thesmokinggun.com)	(153)
	Not news: Superintendent mails letters to teachers that say they must give up a day of pay or face layoffs. Fark: Letters sent by certified mail, costing school $18,579 (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(209)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this man having a look (dailycostume.com)	(42)
	You know that fisherman who reeled in a live missile? Well, turns out that it's just another big fish story (link to video) (cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com)	(34)
	Researchers find those holier-than-thou mega church goers donate less time and money than you (google.com)	(235)
	Woman stops by ex-boyfriend's house. He hits her. You're his mom, dad, and brother. Do you C.) attack her, resulting in a melee, a six-hour stand-off, a search warrant and a marijuana plant being confiscated? Welcome to Greeley (denverpost.com)	(69)
(Some Guy)	10 year old girl arrested for fighting with her 13 year old sister, being a belly itcher (abclocal.go.com)	(108)
	NORAD plans F-16 exercises over DC tomorrow. EVERYBODY PRACTICE PANICKING (washingtonpost.com)	(69)
	Drag a puppy behind your car, then punch the cop who arrests you, and even the AARP can't get you out of this one (wbbm780.com)	(100)
	Moonlit manatee beach orgy attracts Florida peeping toms (palmbeachpost.com)	(39)
	Sail the seven seas while you hack, and cough, and sneeze....Navy confirms 21 H1N1 cases on USS Iwo Jima (google.com)	(46)
	Apparently, Slim Jims are not only explosive in your digestive tract (msnbc.msn.com)	(75)
(Some Guy)	If you lose control of your vehicle and are looking for a place to crash, a mattress store is not as soft as you'd think (khq.com)	(11)
(Some Guy)	Police rescue mannequin from cliff ledge (blogs.app.com)	(27)
	Stanley Cup Final Game Six. Detroit at Pittsburgh, 8 PM. Can the Penguins force Game 7, or will the Red Wings hoist the Stanley Cup in Pittsburgh for the second year in a row? (sports.espn.go.com)	(1632)
(WZZM 13)	"When the victims found the man, he was rifling through their car wearing boxer shorts and a purple bra. The man then walked back to his home a couple of houses away." w/ video arrest goodness (wzzm13.com)	(18)
	"We want a fair wage, good working conditions, and tickets to the next Transformers movie" (news.com.au)	(29)
(My Way News)	Aborted abortionist's abortion clinic no longer viable (apnews.myway.com)	(867)
	You uppity ladies could certainly learn a thing or eighteen from adherents to the Quiverfull movement (newsweek.com)	(274)
	Bomb explodes at Pakistani luxury hotel killing at least five. Wait a minute... Pakistan has luxury hotels? (msnbc.msn.com)	(53)
	Ashton Kutcher calls for special ops action against North Korea (uk.news.yahoo.com)	(356)
(Some Guy)	Yet one more reason to move to Japan. Life. Sized. Gundam (crazygolucky.com)	(252)
	Berlin Wall, which imprisoned a city and caused deaths of 100-200 escapees, remembered as leather fashion collection (abcnews.go.com)	(16)
	If you're going to "tweet" to 2000 people that you're going away on vacation, you probably shouldn't be surprised if your home is burglarized while you are gone (news.cnet.com)	(77)
(Some Guy)	Five points for providing your wife with an "ample allowance", minus five points for staring at other women. How good a husband would you have been in 1933? (lileks.com)	(191)
(KCCI)	Off the parked car, through the barricade, 100 feet through the trees upside down, into the guard rail. Nothing but net (kcci.com)	(26)
	A year after being hit in the spine by gang crossfire, five-year old walks on stage to receive his kindergarten diploma. Subby has something in his eye (suntimes.com)	(96)
	Now that smoking is banned in most major cities, the next thing ultra-liberals want to ban from public places is shakes magic 8-ball ... Axe body spray (sfgate.com)	(440)
	Study finds that computers are causing injuries in the home, and that doesn't even include carpal tunnel syndrome (news.yahoo.com)	(45)
	How to turn a single penny into $932.37 in damages (sltrib.com)	(122)
	Empty nesters are rediscovering sex, sometimes with each other (cnn.com)	(79)
	Over 300,000 stray dogs overwhelm Bangkok Steak Houses (news.nationalgeographic.com)	(74)
	Hawaii government finds rare Lincoln document, no word yet on Obama's birth certificate (news.yahoo.com)	(54)
	Notebook of Picasso sketches stolen. Not surprisingly, French police have their noses bent out of shape over this (news.yahoo.com)	(35)
	Dan Marino is selling his house. This sparks: C) Vicious race bating and anti-autism debates with online commenters (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(72)
(ktvb.com)	Lesbians parents of 3 kids denied family admission rate at pool because they're not a real family (ktvb.com)	(416)
	Photoshop theme: planes, trains and automobiles (fark.com)	(32)
(Some Guy)	UN environment chief: "No bottled water. No plastic bags. No phone. No lights. No motor cars. Not a single luxury" (mcclatchydc.com)	(319)
(Some Guy)	Woman to cops: I don't know that naked man in my car (bradenton.com)	(39)
(Some Entrepreneur)	Chili's, Steak and Ale founder Norman Brinker dead at 78, presumably from starvation while waiting for his lame-ass waiter to bring the goddamn appetizer he ordered an hour ago (wfaa.com)	(265)
	If you live in Hong Kong and recently dropped acid, the police would like to have a word with you (cnn.com)	(54)
	FDA warns public against using Clarcon skin sanitizers and anti-microbial creams because of high levels of bacteria found in the products (news.yahoo.com)	(90)
	"There are beavers everywhere." Giggity (nytimes.com)	(99)
	It's like pain on your wedding day (msnbc.msn.com)	(85)
	New HIV infections level off in South Africa after increase in abstinence-only education programs. Nah, just kidding, it's totally condoms again (news.bbc.co.uk)	(306)
	Man goes to hospital with needles and pins; cause found to be needles and pins. Over a hundred of them (metro.co.uk)	(64)
	Although it's probably really fun, you shouldn't stand on your balcony and randomly shoot at nearby houses (edmontonsun.com)	(59)
	Man's cunning plan to convince girlfriend to lock her doors at night goes horribly wrong when police remind him rape is a crime (news.com.au)	(159)
	Perhaps your first indication that this article about nifty airport destinations is a fluffy load of crap should be that frequent fliers are referred to as "road warriors" (usatoday.com)	(37)
(Angry Taxpayers)	Cheney admits giving Detroit $17 Billion in taxpayer money just so to keep it afloat until Bush left office. If you have any outrage left, line forms to the right (autoblog.com)	(602)
	Prince Edward presents Mounties with a dog, which is a highly unusual thing for an island to do (cbc.ca)	(39)
	Captain Sully: 'Uh, what a view of the Hudson today' Co-Pilot: 'Yeah' Captain Sully: 'Birds' Co-Pilot: 'Whoa' (myfoxdc.com)	(134)
	Pop quiz: You've been given a community service order after a drugs conviction and it starts to rain, do you: a) Suck it up and keep working or b) Threaten to punch your probation officer in the face and complain about your human rights (telegraph.co.uk)	(55)
	Obviously unaware that most average people are having serious financial difficulties, douchebag Lamborghini goes on local TV station to whine about water restrictions making his expensive car collection all dusty. Awwwww (myfoxtampabay.com)	(176)
(Some Guy)	Spin the wheel of media fearmongering, next up: Lightning will kill us all (accuweather.com)	(72)
	Yet another expensive study discovers a link between shiatty parents and shiatty kids (usatoday.com)	(212)
(Some Guy)	Sleep researchers find that, often, the solution to one's problems emerges when one dreams. So, the solution to submitter's "no girlfriend problem" is jello-wrestling with Amy Poehler and a goat? (mcclatchydc.com)	(165)
	Gordon F*cking Ramsay makes lewd remark about Australian journalist, manages to successfully troll Australian PM (news.bbc.co.uk)	(100)
	A week later, Air France mystery deepens. No, it's not FARK, it's CNN (cnn.com)	(183)
	Man with four life sentences to have three ex-wives testify against him in murder of fourth. Yeah, he's screwed (toledoblade.com)	(34)
	Neighbor buries his dead cat in neighbor's tomato garden. 'He said he didn't have anywhere else to bury it" (mcall.com)	(63)
	Families plea for release of American journalists imprisoned in North Korea. Because if there's one thing North Korea responds to, it's an appeal to humanity (guardian.co.uk)	(132)
	Today is "self-arrest" day in Des Moines, where nonviolent offenders can sign paperwork and escape jail time. No word on whether or not you can commit a new crime today and have it forgiven (desmoinesregister.com)	(27)
	The list of America's 1,300 Top High Schools includes 1,480 schools, some located in New York City, NC (newsweek.com)	(192)
	Airline announces plan to reduce spoon size to save on fuel costs. The Tick unavailable for comment (telegraph.co.uk)	(103)
(Some Guy)	Man mounts a movie projector on the sidecar of his motorcycle, shows films drive-in style at various places, like sceening Caddyshack at a golf course or Meatballs at a canoe rental center (wsbtv.com)	(48)
	If you want to keep launching fireworks at the baseball games make sure that when the city Fire Chief is in attendance, firework debris doesn't fall on him and burn him (myfoxdc.com)	(32)
	Quiet old collectibles dealer in Chicago suburbs caught with $10 million worth of Vatican artifacts. Conveniently, the offending collectibles dealer has been dead for two years (cbs2chicago.com)	(51)
	Iron Photoshop ingredient: scissors (images.google.com)	(38)
	Contractor in such a hurry to foreclose on a house they board it up with the resident still inside (upi.com)	(67)
(Some Guy)	Civilians, not police, will be directing traffic at Mass. construction sites this summer. What could possibly go wrong? (masslive.com)	(105)
	Fisherman catches an eight-footer off the coast of Florida. Fark: It's a live missile, and nobody knows where it came from (tampabay.com)	(91)
	Florida wants to know if frickin' sharks with frickin' lasers on their heads are a good idea (abcactionnews.com)	(15)
	Entrepreneur's system sends warnings to drivers' GPS devices when they're approaching speed cameras. Since government insists the cameras are all about safety, not revenue, we can be sure he'll have their full support (washingtonpost.com)	(199)
(ONN)	What do you do if you're a former VP of the Southern Baptist Convention and the death of George Tiller is an answer to your prayers? Why give the same prayers to Obama of course (onenewsnow.com)	(232)
	Want another reason never to go swimming in the Great Lakes? Well surely it has to be the bacteria that can turn your intestines into a soupy goo, right? (toledoblade.com)	(59)
(Great Falls Tribune)	Jogging not as healthy as previously believed, especially if you're jogging in front of two pissed-off grizzly bears (greatfallstribune.com)	(48)
	Schoolboy finds lucky seven-leafed clover. Bender promptly steals it (telegraph.co.uk)	(70)
	In briTain and the netherlandS, 39% believe thAt lightS in The sky aRE rEally The aLIens GatHering To invade (news.aol.com)	(84)
	Pull over to help someone change a tire at 2:30 in the morning? That's a mugging (freep.com)	(92)
	Man with crossbow and slingshot arrested while picking psychedelic mushrooms. He told deputies that the weapons were for protection in case the cows in the pasture came at him (heraldtribune.com)	(54)
	When transporting 73 illegal immigrants, don't appear nervous. Like dogs and bees, border patrol agents can smell fear (abcnews.go.com)	(64)
(Some Guy)	ProTip: If you lose your drugs in hardware store, don't leave your name and number with employees in case they find them (khq.com)	(44)
	Sea-surface temperatures have been warming in the tropical Pacific Ocean. For those of you who no habla español, that's Spanish for - The Niño (news.yahoo.com)	(65)
(Some Guy)	That topless coffee shop that was destroyed in a fire last week will now be relocated to a tent. Should have no trouble finding men to help pitch it (wmtw.com)	(60)

Mon June 08, 2009

	It may have been a flight attendant, not a panicked passenger that opened the back door of flight 1549, almost sinking them in the Hudson. How do you take back a ticker-tape parade? (wbbm780.com)	(46)
(Some Guy)	The worst and saddest of Yahoo Answers (geekologie.com)	(236)
	55-year-old female art professor who was roughly frisked, handcuffed and detained after snapping photos of power lines on public land, wins lawsuit. Plans new photography project: me and my new car ya'll bought me (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(92)
(Some Guy)	Musical based on notorious murderer Ed Gein being filmed. The inspiration for Norman Bates, Leatherface, and Buffalo Bill will finally be dealt with seriously (wausaudailyherald.com)	(41)
(Didn't get the memo)	Nutjob "activist" Cindy Sheehan arrives in Dallas, will resume anti-Bush protests. "I think this is going to be the protest of the summer," Sheehan said. "It's really picking up a lot of energy." (wfaa.com)	(248)
(TrueSlant)	The Good: Only 1 DWI Arrest at Cowboy Stadium Opening. The Bad: The one just happened to be the Stadium's General Manager (trueslant.com)	(18)
	Not only can chiropractors NOT cure cancer or diabetes, their "herbal cancer supplements" can actually interfere with ACTUAL FARKING MEDICINE (hosted.ap.org)	(475)
(Some Guy)	State changing tax collection process after 'honor system' fails (khq.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)	"If they punched a cop, good for them," says mother of the year nominee (spokesman.com)	(95)
	Crews find vertical stabilizer in Air France crash. That's nice, but they really could have used that LAST WEEK (news.yahoo.com)	(91)
	A lesson in doing it wrong: backpacker from North Pole Alaska travels to Australia to nearly freeze to death (upi.com)	(36)
	Ex-judge fails to get perjury charges dismissed. Or so he says (hosted.ap.org)	(10)
	The most adorable sleepy kitten you'll ever see. Forget your troubles and economic woes, come post in the kitty thread (youtube.com)	(114)
	Newt Gingrich wishes Sotomayor a speedy recovery from her broken ankle. Just kidding, he accuses her of faking it (huffingtonpost.com)	(291)
	Justice Ginsberg signs order to temporarily halt sale of Chrysler (msnbc.msn.com)	(79)
	Barack Obama, stop ruining my marriage (time.com)	(198)
	Bone find suggests humans in Florida 13,000 years ago. Trailer suggests there hasn't been much movement on the evolutionary scale (southflorida.sun-sentinel.com)	(49)
	Vandals open dozen of fire hydrants, inadvertently start a 1980s movie dance number (wpxi.com)	(63)
	Photoshop these Māori men and friends (s.wsj.net)	(62)
	Canada would like to officially apologize for being so awesome, as Vancouver is named the world's easiest city to live in, with Toronto at #3, and Calgary at #6 (calgaryherald.com)	(345)
	Drew Carey wants soccer to become "deeply popular" in the US. Yeah? And we want Bob Barker back and 20 years younger, but that ain't happening, either (latimes.com)	(377)
	Cable guy falls off a ladder, impaling himself on a fence:"He's very lucky, he could have landed in any number of different ways." (wbbm780.com)	(59)
	Two former Wells Fargo loan officers detail the racist practicies the company instituted in Baltimore; I'm sure the marketing materials targeting "ghetto loans" and "mud people" were tastefully done (consumerist.com)	(200)
(Great Falls Tribune)	Montana man charged for growing "too many pot plants." Surpringly, "too many pot plants" does not equal "one" (greatfallstribune.com)	(61)
	10 cars that seem to last forever. The Family Truckster suspiciously missing from the list (abcactionnews.com)	(372)
	Power company says the tritium leak at the Dresden Nuclear Power plant, 100 miles from Chicago, is not a problem. If you live in Europe (wbbm780.com)	(154)
(AAA)	AAA study confirms "hands-free" laws don't make you any less dangerous, but they do make you look like more of a douchebag (aaafoundation.org)	(131)
	Stony Brook University program on binge drinking raises interest in the sport (newsday.com)	(31)
(Some Guy)	Death row inmate sues to get his victims pickup truck... Presumably to haul his enormous cojónes (witn.com)	(34)
	Seattle institutes new parking ordinance called "Dude where's my car" (seattletimes.nwsource.com)	(92)
	Do as I say, not as I do: Energy Department fails energy audit (blogs.wsj.com)	(55)
	Dayton police searching for man dressed in ladies bathing suit who has harassed nearly a dozen women before fleeing into the woods. Or, as we call it around here, a pretty good start to summer vacation (daytondailynews.com)	(27)
(Drew)	Cuddling sharks, Egyptian weenectomies and the Gayest Place on Earth: Headlines of the Week 5/31 to 6/6 (fark.com)	(28)
	Six ridiculous sex myths that are actually true, especially the one about your mom (cracked.com)	(189)
	Don't throw the baby out with the bathub gin, y'all (wral.com)	(58)
(Some Guy)	The reason the Air France jet went down was shakes Magic-8 Ball global warming (russiatoday.com)	(204)
	Yukon government likes Flying Prostitute (cbc.ca)	(36)
	2,500 Welsh students all set to break the world Smurfing record tonight (metro.co.uk)	(63)
	The Hardy boys and the mystery of the swimming Honda (boston.com)	(36)
	By a 5-4 decision, Supreme Court rules you can't blatantly buy state court justices (nytimes.com)	(134)
	Carnival honors teacher who died unexpectedly, because nothing says solemn reflection like a tilt-a-whirl (dailyherald.com)	(18)
(Environmental Graffiti)	Adorable baby animals, and one that will haunt your dreams (environmentalgraffiti.com)	(58)
	Ugly ass baby Gorilla makes debut at San Francisco Zoo (700wlw.com)	(11)
	Shaving Private Colbert (news.yahoo.com)	(121)
(Some IT-student)	Alts, your thoughts, good, bad or indifferent? This survey is for a Farkette's research project (second run) (survey.ath0.com)	(242)
	Gaza now attacking Israel with "horse bombs." Gary Larson wanted for questioning (news.bbc.co.uk)	(106)
(Some Guy)	China demands that all PCs prohibit people from looking at Wang (crn.com)	(87)
	France condemned by China for making the Dalai Lama an honorary citizen, so at least they've got that going for them (news.com.au)	(57)
	Now that George Tiller's been killed, all those people who protested in front of his clinic for decades don't know what to do. "There's so much disagreement." (nytimes.com)	(377)
	People living in Tornado Alley are upset about all those severe weather reports interrupting their prime-time viewing (desmoinesregister.com)	(156)
(Idaho Statesman)	Boise's heralded river greenbelt recreation area increasingly going unused because there's no place to park (idahostatesman.com)	(23)
	US Supreme Court upholds ban of gays in the military. So your foxhole is safe. Fabulous (msnbc.msn.com)	(510)
	Ambulance driver notices that he is 15 minutes over his shift, so he takes the ambulance back to dispatch. The dying patient in back expecting to go to the hospital? Wait till next shift pal (telegraph.co.uk)	(199)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this cleanup crew in the rearview (trinityjournal.com)	(48)
(Times Leader)	If you're caught speeding, don't tell the cops that you're chasing the guy that stole your pot (timesleader.com)	(54)
	A positive from the recession, as hipster asshats forced to get real jobs, haircuts, pants (gawker.com)	(495)
	New school program proves students score up to 40% higher on tests if they are given cash incentives for high performance; "Every day we ask our teachers, 'Did we pass? When do we get paid?'" (nypost.com)	(215)
	A 15-year-old girl who claimed Home Depot employees rescued her from her kidnapper later revealed the story was a hoax. Police became suspicious when she claimed she was able to find help at Home Depot (mercurynews.com)	(150)
	British politician attacked by mad cow. Seriously, no bull (telegraph.co.uk)	(32)
(Some Guy)	Safe Grad party allows high school students to drink up to 10 alcoholic drinks with parental permission. Not surprisingly some people are MADD about this (kxmc.com)	(184)
(KATU.com)	Naked, HIV-positive man hurls self through church window, goes on bloody vandalism rampage. The same church where his brother killed himself exactly 29 years ago today. Let's see...nope, it doesn't get any weirder than that (katu.com)	(65)
	"People from New York are always asking me to send pieces of Baltimore rats to them. I think, 'You're in New York, you have your own rats.' " (baltimoresun.com)	(37)
	Ford Excursion gets 8 miles per gallon (city), 10 migrants per rollover (highway) (washingtonpost.com)	(135)
	I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a bear cub with a bird feeder stuck on its head (3news.co.nz)	(23)
	Virginia woman eats 36 hotdogs to win contest, dates for a year (upi.com)	(50)
(Some Guy)	Think you've heard all of the twists on the ol' 'one man dies to save another' story? (ksdk.com)	(45)
	Ethiopian stowaway found in cargo hold of plane at Dulles. Reports food was better than at home, the service better than in economy (wbbm780.com)	(29)
(Some Guy)	Two police records clerks fired for e-harmonizing by way of classified database (970wfla.com)	(23)
	Car plows into a tour bus carrying the Sisters of the Most Precious Blood. Nun killed (foxnews.com)	(32)
	Photoshop theme: And you thought YOUR job was bad (fark.com)	(35)
	British Boy Scouts to be given condom credit cards to help them avoid early withdrawal penalties (timesonline.co.uk)	(30)
	Town all abuzz after 1500 swarm to sniff lady's bicycle seat (abclocal.go.com)	(56)
	U.S. journalists sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in Kim Jong-Il's happy camps (cbs13.com)	(738)
(Some Guy)	Caption the moment these two first ladies are sharing (d.yimg.com)	(84)