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Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun May 24, 2009
| Source | Fark Headline | Comments | |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Woman hit by shriner's car during parade. Taken by tiny ambulance to teeny hospital (woodstocksentinelreview.com) | (44) |
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Gun goes off half-cocked, leaves man half-cocked (iol.co.za) | (67) |
| (Some Guy w/ Something in His Eye) |  |
Terminally ill bulldog saves owner from fire. Dog was supposed to have been put to sleep May 7th. She earned her steak/ spot in doggy heaven (mlive.com) | (118) |
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World's coolest mayor comes back from near-fatal heart attack to deliver freestyle rap at music awards show. Wait, what? (3news.co.nz) | (40) |
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Photoshop this vertex view (s.wsj.net) | (38) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
The saga of one man's mission to put an end to the worst form of discrimination this nation has ever seen - mulletism (citypages.com) | (84) |
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The Daily Mail brings many fantasies to life with the hawtest Brit mom/daughter duo you'll see today. Safe for work, dammit (dailymail.co.uk) | (122) |
| (ʎnb ǝɯos) | |
ʎǝupʎs uı ǝɹıɟ uo ɹǝʍoʇ ʇuıodǝɹʇuǝɔ (brisbanetimes.com.au) | (70) |
| (WTRF) | |
Drunk clown arrested for D.U.I, property damage, leaving the scene of an accident, no proof of insurance, failing to maintain control of a vehicle and carrying a concealed seltzer bottle. w/mugshot containing vid (wtrf.com) | (39) |
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California figures out a great way to close its budget gap: Let tourists beat up seagulls for $275 each (breitbart.com) | (88) |
| (mapthefallen.org) | |
Just in time for Memorial Day, the most sobering interactive map you'll see. Hero tag quietly steps in front of the Sad tag (mapthefallen.org) | (328) |
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100 college students, 4 weeks of training, a badge and a gun: Welcome to the Ocean City summer police force (washingtonpost.com) | (69) |
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How Sesame Street changed the world over the last 40 years. Suck it, SpongeBob (newsweek.com) | (203) |
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Colleges discover fewer out of state students willing to pay higher tuition in recession. College Presidents already drafting memos explaining reason for this year's outrageous tuition increases (msnbc.msn.com) | (69) |
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Even the Godfather is suffering from the recession: Instead of leaving an expensive racehorse's head in bed with someone, he has to settle for a dead chicken and a handful of rotten fish (breitbart.com) | (19) |
| (Fla. Baptist Witness) | |
Southern Baptist media advisor provides helpful tips for ministers who want to work with news media and not look like foolish raving fundies. Crap, they're on to us (floridabaptistwitness.com) | (56) |
| (The Stranger) | |
Two months after killing their dead-tree paper, SeattlePI.com reveals to advertisers exactly what is attracting traffic to their site now. Would you have guessed pet videos, celebrity slideshows, and fashion show pics? (slog.thestranger.com) | (44) |
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The swine flu is dead. Long live the swine flu (dailykos.com) | (111) |
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Paramedics are asking for help in locating a stolen vehicle. A stolen white vehicle with flashing lights. Stolen Emergency Vehicle trifiecta now complete (dailymail.co.uk) | (26) |
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The job market is so tough, there's been a surge of tattoo laser removals. "I used to idolize rappers with tattoos. Now I don't want it to hold me back from getting a job." (nypost.com) | (272) |
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There's a reason why low and no-carb dieters seem stupid (health.yahoo.com) | (127) |
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Photoshop this top dog (s.wsj.net) | (40) |
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A third of women would rather go hungry than miss out on a stylish haircut (ok.co.uk) | (76) |
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If you manage your credit well get ready to subsidize all those irresponsible credit users (mcall.com) | (337) |
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Man loses over half of his body weight and his virginity. Dude, you're doing it right (thesun.co.uk) | (188) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Firefighters are asking for help in locating a stolen vehicle. A stolen red and white vehicle (wtnh.com) | (42) |
| (Spaceflight Now) |  |
DEVELOPING: Shuttle Atlantis diverted to Edwards AFB in California; landing scheduled for 8:39am Pacific time (spaceflightnow.com) | (342) |
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Pakistan's mystics targeted by Taliban, expected to counter with 1d20 remove magic  (msnbc.msn.com)
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(83) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Man lives in rented closet for $150 a month, enjoys hanging out at home (nbcmiami.com) | (64) |
| (Some Maineiac) | |
When working as a waitress, stepping outside for a smoke isn't that bad a thing. If you happen to be a waitress at Maine's topless coffee shop, you may want to throw a shirt on. But hey, no complaints from me (morningsentinel.mainetoday.com) | (99) |
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If you're looking for the hottest new trend in bacon, you've come to the right place (guardian.co.uk)
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(54) |
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Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders say if you want to make the squad, brains are just as important as beauty. "Can you name one country that borders Iraq?" (dallasnews.com) | (157) |
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Nanny state forces drinkers to now stand in a single-file line when ordering drinks at a pub. "People aren't going to want to drink if they have to queue up as if they're in the post office" (dailymail.co.uk) | (95) |
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Live rattlesnake left outside courthouse, unsure if it works for the prosecution or the defense (upi.com) | (16) |
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Police are asking for help in locating a stolen car. A stolen black and white cruiser (cbs5.com) | (34) |
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Detroit city councilwoman pays only $68 in property taxes a year on her very large, very nice house, because city records have shown it as vacant lot for decade. But wants you to know she pays her taxes in full (freep.com) | (207) |
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Photoshop these mission men middeck (inapcache.boston.com) | (26) |
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Swarm of bees trap people for hours in NYC GameStop. Dozens of Game Informer subscriptions sold (google.com) | (73) |
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Roadworkers in English town draw white line down the middle of potholes then only fill the half that's not on private property (upi.com) | (40) |
| (KCTV5) | |
TV producer doing an undercover story on airlines serving alcohol is served 8 drinks in 20 minutes. "This airline *hic* is OK, next" (kctv5.com) | (78) |
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In the saddest story yet of this recession, man on mission to visit every Starbucks derailed by store closings. "If the store closed before I visited, I would lose another piece of my soul." (online.wsj.com) | (140) |
Sat May 23, 2009
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Woman called "swamp monster" loses 130 pounds, affections of Berni Wrightson (today.msnbc.msn.com) | (84) |
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Researcher whose work led to the development of Viagra has passed away. Funeral home struggles with pesky coffin lid (abc.net.au)
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(53) |
| (Liverpool Echo) | |
Machete fight breaks out between rival gangs of karaoke singers. Local hospital treating injured confirms "They will survive, they will survive, hey hey" (liverpoolecho.co.uk)
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(50) |
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Man tries to turn half brother into half a brother (jsonline.com) | (31) |
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Honolulu's Internet vote is first in nation, says mayor-elect Rick Astley (boston.com)
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(64) |
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Bureau of Prisons doesn't see a problem with giving convicted criminals a Greyhound ticket and sending them -- unescorted and alone -- to another prison, because only 180 of them have escaped over the past two years (cbs13.com) | (50) |
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Alaska charges 70-year old for feeding bears at his remote cabin, creating a hazard to humans (usatoday.com) | (145) |
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Fugitive millionaire now gloating on Facebook (nzherald.co.nz) | (139) |
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Theme: Metaphor (google.com) | (74) |
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"Is a liberal arts degree worth the cost?" Would you like fries with that? (abcnews.go.com)
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(240) |
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R.I.P. PatHighgate. #fark will miss you (fark.com) | (495) |
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Hot dog sales are up, Oscar Mayer and Ball Park Franks battle for who is top dog. Sabrett, Hebrew National, and Vienna Beef all on sidelines waiting for their moment in the bun (wbbm780.com) | (150) |
| (Some Drunkard) | |
Just imagine a resort entirely centered on the culture of alcohol. A boozer's paradise built expressly to facilitate drinking and the good times that naturally follow (drunkard.com) | (95) |
| (Some Guy) | |
How fun - they're blowing up a 522-foot ship and sinking it just for the helluva it (keysnet.com) | (75) |
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Royal Horticultural Society wants people to grow vegetables in their used bras, boxers, and jockey shorts. Submitter does that without even taking them off (telegraph.co.uk) | (26) |
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San Diego is upset that seals are hanging out at one of their beaches. Solution: Play a tape of barking dogs from 6am to dark every day (www3.signonsandiego.com) | (89) |
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Bus loads of precious snowflakes. Check. 9:30 appointment with President Obama and a scheduled White House tour. Check. Showing up almost an hour late then whining and crying Obama snubbed you and is not allowing you in? You bectchya (msnbc.msn.com) | (195) |
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Man has a very special bond with his pet turtle. "She comes when he calls. She lets him throw her like a Frisbee into her pond in his back yard" (tampabay.com) | (67) |
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Jim Beam to release red-cherry flavored bourbon. What could possibly go wrong? (qctimes.com) | (132) |
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The many signs of a failed relationship: your partner won't return your phone calls, refuses to account for their time alone, holds a seven-inch knife to your throat (nwfdailynews.com) | (22) |
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Woman is hypnotized into believing she has had weight-loss surgery. Then she loses 55 pounds (foxnews.com) | (105) |
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Scientists identify a new gene in fruit flies called "happyhour" which makes them more sensitive to alcohol, and less likly to become alcoholic fruit flies (abcnews.go.com) | (45) |
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Highway trooper lets woman out of a speeding ticket. Normally no one would have a problem with this (miamiherald.com) | (72) |
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Federal judge orders South Carolina AG to shut his whore mouth (theregister.co.uk) | (49) |
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Red Bull banned in two German states for sticking a bit too closely to original Coca-Cola formula (thelocal.de) | (35) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Skinny jeans have the potential to cause you harm and no, we're not talking about the curse that is Muffin Top Disease, (collegecandy.com) | (72) |
| (Some Website) | |
The most beautiful pictures of the inside of eighteen refridgerators you will see all day (good.is) | (148) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Athiests roll out ad campaign, "In the beginning, man created God" (digitaljournal.com) | (800) |
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Politicians: Ticket cameras will stop slaughter of pedestrians by drivers making rolling right turns on red. Study: No pedestrians have been killed that way. Politicians: Stop confusing us with facts (thenewspaper.com) | (75) |
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Yet another casualty of the recession: Little Princess Syndrome (news.yahoo.com) | (190) |
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Recession has people cancelling vacation plans, and take up camping. Problem: "Some don't know how to set up a tent, light a fire, anything" (boston.com) | (143) |
| (The Pulse) | |
"Two PETA members, clad in red bikinis and partially immersed in a tank of 'bloody' water, portrayed chickens in their death throes." (w/pics and video) (chattanoogapulse.com) | (128) |
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Photoshop Theme: It's more likely than you think (images.google.com) | (52) |
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Just 58.5% of Houston students graduate high school. That's like, not even half (chron.com) | (107) |
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♫ Privacy / It's not all that it's cracked up to be / Why is that Google van coming after me? / Oh I believe in privacy ♫ (upi.com) | (48) |
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Chinese bridge jumper gets a helpful push after he "selfishly" holds up traffic for too long (news.bbc.co.uk) | (100) |
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Australian wallaby and baby found running wild in Cornwally, England. (w/pic) (news.bbc.co.uk) | (27) |
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(Subby checks calendar) Yep, it's time for your annual "hurricane prediction" story, only this year it's an "EVERYBODY RELAX" forecast (npr.org) | (49) |
| (Baloney? No, Bologna) | |
Heartwarming story about students who want to open school in Africa. By selling hash and ketamine (lifeinitaly.com) | (16) |
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Massachusetts politicians say they are now willing to "legislate against stupidity" (boston.com) | (70) |
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Nanny State charges preschool $185 to use a patch of grass for its annual picnic due to fears the festivities could harm the lawn (upi.com) | (31) |
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Your beautiful 17-year-old daughter comes home after running over a homeless woman and failing to stop. The St. Pete Times asks: To whom is your moral obligation as a parent? (tampabay.com) | (433) |
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"He was found to be wearing a woman's white thong and a black sports bra, and his balaclava had been fashioned from a pair of knickers" (news.aol.co.uk) | (24) |
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Five women arrested during drug bust at retirement community not exactly Golden Girls material. Golden Triangle...or Golden Corral more like it (cbs13.com)
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(23) |
| (ChronicleLive) | |
Elementary students find and save pregnant cat. Birth goes well, and the kittens will be in perfect health for Caturday (chroniclelive.co.uk) | (472) |
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Caption this peculiar tug of war (time.com) | (32) |
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Sara Lee's suit is hard on Oscar Mayer's cocky claims of superior sausage (blogs.wsj.com) | (55) |
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ProTip: When trying to bribe a federal agent you should offer them something more substantial than pizza (chron.com)
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(23) |
| (West Sussex Gazette) | |
Someone steals hood of van. Police suspect hoodlums (westsussextoday.co.uk)
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(19) |
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Unhappy ending for a massage parlor manager after a client turns down her offer for a happy ending (wcco.com) | (46) |
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Man slashes tires on 50 cars including 9 police cars, blames radiation from Rocky Flats, speeding police cruisers and being forced to wear braces on his teeth (denverpost.com) | (20) |
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Photoshop Disney characters if they never had been cast (images.google.com) | (80) |
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Police sketch artists called to task over lack of talent (dailymail.co.uk) | (36) |
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Brothel owner claims there was a different reason people yelled Oh God in her shops (komonews.com) | (20) |
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It never helps your mayoral campaign when the cops ban you from KFC. "Don't touch me. I am running for mayor, and once I get elected you will be fired." (tampabay.com) | (24) |
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Activist judge rules that being a college student is still awesome (eff.org) | (57) |
| (kens5.com) | |
Homeowners Association has problem with man putting up an 18-foot fork outside his business. It's not news, it's...fork (kens5.com) | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man walks into street to avoid sidewalk hole, receives 12-month probation and a $227 fine (wsbtv.com) | (77) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Only in Atlanta will you find a prom dress made of Coke can pop tops (wsbtv.com) | (77) |
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Man declares war on next-door neighbor, crashes his car into neighbor's house, crawls out of wreckage armed with a hatchet and tries to kill his neighbor. Guess where (orlandosentinel.com) | (34) |
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Even if you're hoping for a quick getaway, don't use the drive-through when trying to rob a bank (kansascity.com) | (20) |
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Former South Korean President dies hiking in the mountains. Ruh Roh (cnn.com) | (137) |
Fri May 22, 2009
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The most beautiful pictures of democracy you will see all day (boston.com) | (281) |
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Photoshop these photographers at the space shuttle launch (media.sacbee.com) | (44) |
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Happy Memorial Day from The Gandy Ghetto Yacht Club & Beach Resort. Bring your own jorts (www2.tbo.com) | (67) |
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Groom leaves own wedding reception to pick up welfare check, bride sets fire to groom's bed, bride sleeps with another man, then man and wife beat the other man to death with an oar and a glass. The Aristocrats (news.ninemsn.com.au) | (83) |
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Pope Palpatine has a Facebook app to send his quotes. Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational PopeMobile (azcentral.com) | (46) |
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Country Club horror: Non-members drinking beer from bottles at the bar (washingtonpost.com) | (176) |
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Strong quake shakes Mexico City. Ay, Carrumble (news.yahoo.com)
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(36) |
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Girls cry rape at cab driver. Cabbie arrested. Cab driver produces video proving his innocence. Police say they can't arrest the girls because there's no evidence either way. Excuse me? (cbc.ca) | (381) |
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The Friday before Memorial Day can only mean the All American mugshot lineup from TSG (thesmokinggun.com) | (169) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Son, you got a panty on your head (ksdk.com) | (45) |
| (MomLogic) | |
Seattle bar's "Hot for Teacher" night to be hosted by patron saint of female teacher sex, St. Mary Kay LeTourneau. Nice (momlogic.com) | (101) |
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Since no other day of the year is Arthur Conan Doyle's Birthday, we must deduce that his birthday is today (wired.com) | (77) |
| (Lynchburg News & Advance) | |
Jerry Falwell's Liberty University bans campus Democratic Party club. Both members of the club outraged (newsadvance.com) | (213) |
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College humor forces Nebraska's Department of Transportation to throw out thousands of online votes for the most boring license plate design (hosted.ap.org) | (84) |
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'Bohemian Rhapsody' yanked from graduation ceremony after parents complain (desmoinesregister.com) | (192) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Conservative radio host: "waterboarding isn't torture." Agrees to be waterboarded, lasts six seconds, then says, "Yep, waterboarding is torture" (current.com) | (729) |
| (Cape Cod Times) | |
Next time you decide to catch a BB gun pellet with your bare hand, you might want to use an oven mitt (capecodonline.com) | (34) |
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Dog survives potentially fatal snake bite after owner sucks the venom out of the dog's nose (kutv.com) | (57) |
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Photoshop theme: Ultimate boredom (fark.com) | (45) |
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Gas prices miraculously rising over high volume travel weekend. Again (sfgate.com) | (136) |
| (Some Guy) | |
What roughly $2,000,000,000 worth of aircraft might look like (chamorrobible.org) | (369) |
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If you're an assistant principal and you tell a student he can avoid dentention if he tries to buy drugs from a suspected campus dealer, you might want to let the cops in on your plot (courant.com) | (54) |
| (Brandfreak.com) | |
Yes, it's come to this: WD-40 has started its own social network (brandfreak.com) | (145) |
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Police continue fruitless search for damn dirty ape who's trying to steal the Foam Banana Display from Gas stations in Wisconsin (wcco.com) | (30) |
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Emergency response times cut dramatically as police car and ambulance arrive at crash scene instantaneously (news.bbc.co.uk) | (20) |
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Seven hacks that turn everyday objects into deadly weapons. Featuring the biggest big wheel, chainsaw and smoke ring you've seen this month (cracked.com) | (74) |
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If you're going to ditch school and then text while driving, try not to crash into the back of a cop car (tcpalm.com) | (21) |
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Man ties string around penis and uses it as a puppet while standing over an apartment building air conditioner. Then it gets weird (upi.com) | (85) |
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Kicking off today's TSG Friday Photo fun we have a repeat of the contest "guess which band is the criminal's choice". Contest ends @ 4pm Eastern (thesmokinggun.com) | (119) |
| (Some Guy) | |
140-lb woman shows 240-lb ex-boxer why the bar they are in is called the Chick-A-Boom room (abajournal.com) | (171) |
| (Dear Margo) | |
"Dear Margo, My daughter went to college and is now an atheist. My husband has threatened to turn her in to the FBI and I want an exorcism." Margo: "WTF is wrong with you people?" (wowowow.com) | (550) |
| (Daily Record) | |
Today's "Man arrested with more than 40 guns story" brought to you by Parsippany, NJ. And ladies - he's single (dailyrecord.com) | (251) |
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Judge scratches probation sentence into the cheek of former McCain volunteer Ashley Todd (google.com) | (85) |
| (Daily Times) | |
Thousands of Pakistanis flee pending conflict so that they don't get an RPG up the Waziristan (dailytimes.com.pk) | (22) |
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US Embassy to host first-ever Gay Pride Party. In Baghdad. What could possibly go wrong? (washingtonpost.com) | (337) |
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The pink-boxers-and-camo guy has now received official recognition as a badass (foxnews.com) | (102) |
| (Upstate Today) | |
Headline: "Woman strips, then assaults husband". Reality: "Woman assaults husband by stripping" (upstatetoday.com) | (64) |
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Math teacher dismayed to discover she can't get 17 into 37 more than twice (philly.com) | (133) |
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The recession has not slowed sales of designer jeans that cost as much as $300. "They make my butt look perky," said one American with her financial priorities in the right place (latimes.com) | (168) |
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Chris Brown to try punching his country music card (new.music.yahoo.com) | (44) |
| (kval.com) | |
Cashier to armed robber: "Whatever, dude" (kval.com) | (81) |
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Dad that served his children poisoned soup sentenced to 100 years of tossed salads (cbsatlanta.com) | (47) |
| (Toys R' Us) | |
Toys "Я" Us now selling pink Ouija boards for girls. "Are you there, Captain Howdy? It's me, Margaret" (toysrus.com) | (183) |
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Want a medical marijuana card? Just head to a reggae concert (nbcsandiego.com) | (125) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A quarter ton of pot in the sleeper of my truck? It helps me relax, officer (joplinglobe.com) | (34) |
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Voodoo hoo-hah re: ho's hoo-hoos (news.bbc.co.uk) | (54) |
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Recession proof jobs. 1. Sales rep. 2. Software designer. 3. Hot girl who escorts you around the golf course wearing a little less than the usual argyle vest and khaki pants (myfoxdc.com) | (248) |
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Police find missing 555-lb teenager by looking in any direction (edition.cnn.com)
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(235) |
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Ice-cream vendor arrested after exposing his testsicles (wbbm780.com) | (78) |
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Computer virus strikes U.S. Marshals and FBI networks. Decepticons wanted for questioning (msnbc.msn.com) | (36) |
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Canadian Navy stops another pirate attack. Pretty impressive work for two Mounties and Celine Dion, throwing empties from a canoe (cbc.ca) | (198) |
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Photoshop this master-putter (cache.boston.com) | (40) |
| (New Philadelphia Times-Reporter) | |
Sheriff's Deputy: We're looking for a lost man whose life may be in danger. Can you link us to his cell phone to help us find him? Verizon operator: Okay, I can help you with that...right after you pay his overdue phone bill (timesreporter.com) | (119) |
| (Some Small Town Newspaper) | |
Lawmakers find a way to stick it to hate groups adopting highways...by naming same highways after people they hate (news-leader.com) | (126) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Things get criminally comic when a young couple tries to steal the pot from a rummy game using the ol' "I-need-to-take-my-dog-for-a-walk" routine (kitsapsun.com) | (14) |
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'One in ten priests enjoy regular sex'. Hardly a surprise, it's not like they're married (smh.com.au)
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(63) |
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Vancouver prostitutes training for Olympics, really good at lube and bobshead (canada.com) | (38) |
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18-year-old who auctioned off her virginity may have her winnings taxed up to 69% (with kinda-want? pic) (dailymail.co.uk) | (202) |
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Add marijuana to the list of items you can find in bulk at Costco (boston.com) | (42) |
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She's a Girl Scout and a member of the school's basketball team, choir and leadership team. And now suspended from school for getting caught with *GASP* an eyebrow shaver (news.yahoo.com) | (136) |
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Man released from prison after 4-year sentence for felony littering. In his own yard (upi.com) | (96) |
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The car warranty scam has been quelled at the roots. One guess where it originated (msnbc.msn.com) | (139) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Pardon me good sir, but I couldn't help but notice you are having sexual relations with your lady friend here out in the open. Frankly, I'm quite aroused. Would it trouble either of you if I joined in?" (theargus.co.uk) | (178) |
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Woman arrested for leaving a one year-old in the car while she went inside the gas station to play videogames. Well, she did crack the windows an inc--wait a minute, gas stations still have videogames? (hosted.ap.org) | (55) |
Thu May 21, 2009
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Snap on your chinstraps and hold on to your handlebars. The World Beard and Moustache Championships begin tomorrow (startribune.com) | (86) |
| (MPBN.com) | |
Homer painting that was found in a dump, (Doh) is worth $300,000. Woo Hoo (mpbn.net) | (28) |
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US Airman saves over 300 people by looking out the window (japantoday.com) | (126) |
| (The Argus) | |
Air steward says he 'was tired' when he left a bomb threat in a airliner toilet for a passenger to find. Ensuing panic, arrest etc probably woke him up judging by the bonus mugshot awesomeness (theargus.co.uk) | (45) |
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Man tells police he took morphine from a dying cancer patient not to use it, but to bless it. "He ended up squirting it into his mouth." (sltrib.com) | (41) |
| (Centre Daily Times) | |
Boy did not use snake as jump rope (centredaily.com) | (124) |
| (Some Bennies) | |
Carcass of a 25 ton whale washes up on a Delaware beach. New Jersey police checking lists of missing persons for a match (delawareonline.com) | (93) |
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Could you be having an "emotional affair?" It's not news, it's CNN (which has an emotional affair with stories from Oprah) (cnn.com) | (213) |
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Good news: possible cure for cancer. Bad news: it's Down Syndrome (sciencedaily.com) | (126) |
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Seven WTF military weapons you won't believe they actually built (cracked.com) | (168) |
| (KPTV) | |
News station tests Best Buy's Geek Squad by unplugging hard drive and saying something's not working. The result: $640 in repairs, telling them they have a virus and finally "let us help you buy a new computer" (kptv.com) | (507) |
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There's so much more to Nigeria than scam artists. For starters, there are also penis thieves (csmonitor.com) | (37) |
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Theme: The Eighth Wonder of the Ancient World (fark.com) | (35) |
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SWAT team heroically saves Toronto school from poor communication (canada.com) | (33) |
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Mexico City ends swine flu alert after no cases reported in a week, Residents urged to retain blue surgical masks for the upcoming smog season (cnews.canoe.ca) | (20) |
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More Americans play video games than go to movies. The plot is more developed, better acting, more action, and popcorn costs less than $50 (content.usatoday.com) | (258) |
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Pricipal . Caught sayof student can't do report on Harvey Milk. " See, 'cause he is gay" Is this sex ed or not. School Says yes. ACLU Looking for lawsuit -OR- "hello, not that there's anything wrong with that" (sfgate.com) | (335) |
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Was it the Christians who voted Kris Allen as American Idol winner just to spite the gay kid? Fox News thinks so. Prejean. PREJEAN (foxnews.com) | (192) |
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Cheney: Wharrgarg9/11garrbbbl. Wharrgargthreattosecuritygarrbbbl. Wharrgargsavedlivesgarrbbbl (cnn.com) | (lots) |
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"Boy With Cancer's Lawyer: Come Home." How he can afford cancer's lawyer, we may never know (cbsnews.com) | (124) |
| (SouthCoastToday) | |
"I know Chihuahuas can't fly" (southcoasttoday.com) | (60) |
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Four homegrown would-be jihadis planted fake explosives supplied by authorities, didn't notice orange plug in business end of their "Stinger missile" (nypost.com) | (166) |
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Obama administration decides to maintain "don't ask, don't tell", will attempt to keep policy from exploding in public (reuters.com) | (318) |
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Obama flubs defense chief Robert Gates' name during press conference. For the second time. In three days (w/ video) (myfoxdc.com) | (135) |
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NOAA predicts weather to occur during hurricane season. As for figuring the actual hurricane probabilities, well good luck with that (msnbc.msn.com) | (73) |
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Now is the time to legalize (and tax) drugs, prostitution, and gambling (reason.com) | (381) |
| (Albany Times Union) | |
New York won't pay death benefit to state worker's widow because he died too quickly to get all the paperwork done. Fark: Legislature has bottled up a simple fix for six years. "Obvious" tag is for the way things are done in NY (timesunion.com) | (15) |
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Missing service dog runs past Denver TV news crews twice in 2 days (cbs4denver.com) | (58) |
| (MyDesert.com) | |
Republican Congresswoman joins Facebook group calling for impeachment, or death, of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Later offers reasonable explanation -- the message board ninjas did it (mydesert.com) | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man offers undercover cop a hamburger in exchange for sex. And they say romance is dead (kctv5.com) | (81) |
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Italian police seize $10 million in counterfeit mob money, reportedly knew it was fake because the Super Mario brothers were on the front of it (msnbc.msn.com) | (35) |
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I pity the fool that don't wish Mr. T a happy 57th birthday (en.wikipedia.org) | (101) |
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Apparently, it is deeply offensive to point out that there are a lot of Irish politicians in Boston. Tip O. Neilstein and the entire Von Kennedi family not availabe for comment (boston.com) | (64) |
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Why doesn't the left celebrate their right to abortion? How about a 21-vacuum hose (D&C) salute? Maybe have the Notre Dame marching band form a giant skull-piercing fork? Having the president throw out the ceremonial first fetus? (townhall.com) | (484) |
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No, we're not getting back together, and stop texting me. Repeat 259 times (philly.com) | (53) |
| (Some Driver) | |
"I called 911 as there was a driver who was smoking crack from a pipe. He was driving using his knees to steer the wheel, while using one hand to hold the pipe and the other to light it from underneath" (theglare.ca) | (136) |
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"Sir would you step out of the vehicle please? Now blow into this tube. Okay, I'm gonna need to see your pilot's license and registration please" (news.yahoo.com) | (21) |
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Pakistan's allies promise $224 million to help displaced civilians. Meanwhile, Pakistan spends its own money ramping up production of nuclear warheads. Hey, waitaminute (reuters.com) | (20) |
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Cancer kid Daniel Hauser may be headed to Mexico, because nothing cures cancer like a good bout of swine flu and a Tijuana horse show (msnbc.msn.com) | (198) |
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Just when you thought newspapers were irrelevant, the Edmonton Journal's goose-cam proves your wrong (edmontonjournal.com) | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Soldier deployed to Afghanistan entrusts his checkbook to a woman he met over the Internet. Story ends about how you expect (newswatch50.com) | (71) |
| (Ledger Enquirer) |  |
Atheist congregation meets every Sunday morning to discuss how they've rejected organized religion (ledger-enquirer.com) | (376) |
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Alarming news School is stressful and depressing. Ric Romero sent for exclusive (news.yahoo.com) | (26) |
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"The suspect then threw the baby at a good samaritan..." (wmcstations.com) | (79) |
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Four shot, one fatally, at memorial for shooting victim (chicagobreakingnews.com) | (86) |
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Thanks to the inability of California to govern itself and its love of spending like a drunken sailor at a Hong Kong cathouse, we're gonna bail the state out (washingtonpost.com) | (382) |
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The most important thing for California politicians right now is video games and apparently not the crushing weight of failure that threatens to implode the state faster than a Chinese buffet being ravaged by Perez Hilton (latimes.com) | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman tries to download Modest Mouse ringtone and ends up with child porn instead, but at least T-Mobile offered her a refund (kval.com) | (45) |
| (Albany Times Union) | |
41 million US motorists "may be unfit for roads", in much the same way as the sun may come up tomorrow or that Duke may suck (timesunion.com) | (77) |
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Actual headline: "US swine flu deaths hit double-digits" (google.com) | (60) |
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Patti Blagojevich to appear on the reality TV show, "I'm the foul-mouthed wife of a corrupt politician with bad hair Get me out of here" (cbs2chicago.com) | (15) |
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Man trying to burn anthill starts a blaze that damages about an acre of land. That must have been one big-assed magnifying glass (cbsnews.com) | (29) |
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How do you know summer's coming in Toronto? the mercury rises above 85 degrees, and the trash workers threaten to strike (torontosun.com) | (37) |
| (Some Lady) | |
Stupid: Threatening harm to someone. Really stupid: Threatening a cop. As stupid as it gets: Threatening a cop via voicemail where it will be preserved for your trial (wsfa.com) | (15) |
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Man's Best Friend...with benefits? (complete with mugshot) (msnbc.msn.com) | (162) |
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Obama has already had to take Jawin' Joe Biden behind the woodshed and smack him for being as disciplined as a toddler who needs a snack and a nap (foxnews.com) | (98) |
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UK may have its AAA bond rating downgraded. Knowing how the Brits drink, maybe AA is appropriate (telegraph.co.uk) | (35) |
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Photoshop this supercharged baseball fan (media.kansascity.com) | (31) |
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According to Obama, your pension fund got whacked because its managers were reckless "speculators" (online.wsj.com) | (220) |
| (sungazette.com) | |
65 year old woman shooting BB gun causes $16,000 in damages to neighbors' homes. Police also note lack of squirrels in neighborhood (sungazette.com) | (23) |
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When told to turn down your car stereo do you: C) Drive your car through city hall and receive a 10-year sentence? (kansas.com) | (45) |
| (Some Chick) | |
Man claiming to be God beats neighbor's dog with cinder block because "it had the devil in it" (thepittsburghchannel.com) | (51) |
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Wolf t-shirt sales up 2,300% on news that wearing one will get you laid within 5 minutes of entering Walmart (news.bbc.co.uk) | (84) |
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Won't share your fries with the kids? Batter up (wtopnews.com) | (21) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Here's Jimmy Kimmel's so-called "self-destructive" monologue that everyone is having a panic attack over (tvovermind.com) | (60) |
| (Washington Monthly) | |
Republicans attempt to stall climate bill by demanding all 900+ pages be read on the floor. Democrats hire a speed reader who can read a full page in 34 seconds (washingtonmonthly.com) | (202) |
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After two months of marriage and her new husband still hasn't had sex with her, woman concludes it isn't her, it's the many men he is having sex with on Craigslist (cbs3.com) | (83) |
| (Some Lady) | |
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; don't give a man a fish sandwich and he'll just steal it, lead police on a foot chase, and be charged with a variety of offenses (the-dispatch.com) | (15) |
| (Pittsburgh Tribune-Review) | |
Hottie, age 22, marries 84-year-old lumber magnate for four months, then divorced him because his life was too fast for her: "When you climb on your own jet for the 10th time and everything in four days..." (thepittsburghchannel.com) | (125) |
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Mom uses prayer rather than medicine to try to defend daughter from a "spiritual attack" by demons, that just happened to cause the exact same symptoms as type II Diabetes. It ends about how you'd expect (news.yahoo.com) | (312) |
| (Miller-McCune) | |
Slackers live longer - now there's a study (miller-mccune.com) | (48) |
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Man summonsed to court for public drinking charge not allowed to plead guilty because he was drunk. This man has found a loophole (seacoastonline.com) | (31) |
| (KCTV) | |
Soldier claims PTSD caused him to forget first marriage before Iraq tour, so it's legal that he married another woman when he returned (kctv5.com) | (41) |
| (Some Chick) | |
"Now that you've dumped your 96 year-old grandma at a Salvation Army shelter, what are your plans?" "I'm taking my family to Disney World, of course." (bradenton.com) | (60) |
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Couples to rely solely on male contraceptive in new trial. Consists of her pointing and laughing (sciencedaily.com) | (188) |
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Things to do with your Rolls Royce today: Ram raid a liquor store after they refuse to sell you alcohol (timesonline.co.uk) | (25) |
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Obama is so awesome that he can even make Karl Rove happy: "Barack Obama inherited a set of national-security policies that he rejected during the campaign but now embraces as president. This is a stunning and welcome about-face" (online.wsj.com) | (263) |
| (WPTZ) | |
If you happen to be in or around Burlington, Vermont today at noon: PETA is planning a nude protest (wptz.com) | (71) |
| (Reading Eagle) | |
Just robbed a bank? Well driving fast with the radio cranked up to 11 just might not be the best way to keep avoid the poilce. Bonus: It was the second high speed chase within 24 hours by the same cop (readingeagle.com) | (21) |
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MOTY: Woman leaves toddler with cerebral palsy home alone attached to a feeding tube. Father finds the toddler unresponsive. Mother: "I'm the REAL victim here" (blog.cleveland.com) | (106) |
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If you're an Egyptian tycoon with ties to the Egyptian president, and you paid $2 million to a former police officer to get the Lebanese pop star you were having an affair with whacked, congratulations on your shiny new death sentence (hosted.ap.org) | (56) |
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Space Shuttle Atlantis crew to-do list: 1. Fix Hubble 2. Shuttle Safety Check 3. Testify from orbit before the Senate Commerce, Justice and Science Appropriations Subcommittee 4: Photograph Earth...wait, what was #3 again? (myfoxdc.com) | (99) |
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Conservative MP Sir Peter Viggers resigns, following news that he claimed a £1,645 'Duck Island' on expenses. "It was in accordance with the rules", Viggers pleas (guardian.co.uk) | (94) |
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FBI likes their terrorists how they like their women: "relatively unsophisticated, penetrated early" (google.com) | (147) |
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Chevron reports gas release, blames it on the dog (reuters.com) | (26) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this tenement building (ljplus.ru) | (42) |
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Texas mayor abruptly resigns after proclaiming his love for illegal Mexican man (hosted.ap.org) | (115) |
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Fish market stored live crabs in toilet. Puts the 'dung' in 'dungeness' (news.com.au)
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(41) |
| (SILive.com) | |
New York man accused of stealing business partner's dentures at gunpoint. Prosecutors demand the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth (silive.com) | (20) |
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Hunter sets record for long range killing of a toilet with an impressive 1.06 miles (upi.com) | (67) |
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Study from the Louis Skolnick Research Institute reports that IT Nerds are better in the sack (thesun.co.uk) | (163) |
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Man climbs Mt. Everest for the 19th time. Says he's not done yeti (news.com.au) | (45) |
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Not News: Toddler want toy truck. News: Toddler buys it herself online. Fark: It wasn't a toy, parents receive bill for NZ$20,000 (theage.com.au) | (81) |
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If you're not using a gun, is hunting deer with your brother's BMW really a crime? (latimesblogs.latimes.com) | (45) |
| (Some Film School Guy) | |
Learned retrospective and analysis of revolutionary animator Tex Avery's classic cartoons. Of course you know this means YOUTUBE (brightlightsfilm.com) | (83) |
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And the American Idol winner is... (reuters.com) | (228) |
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If you committed vehicular manslaughter against a homeless woman in Tampa, the police would like a word with you. Just kidding, you get a check for $100,000. Seriously (tampabay.com) | (211) |
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Australia's Northern Territory is swarming with women who can't get laid because the local blokes aren't paying attention. Bonus gallery of sexy locals. Subby's packing his bags (ntnews.com.au) | (178) |
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Not news: Suspect flees. News: Cops beat the suspect after the chase ends. Fark: There were 5 cops and the suspect was unconscious (cnn.com) | (211) |
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54 B.C. passport applications lost. Surely they're expired by now (cbc.ca)
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(42) |
| (Missoulian) | |
Montanans worried about new gun laws hoard ammo so fast that munitions factory is falling behind by 100,000 rounds a day, leaving the most paranoid people in a famously gun-crazed state armed to the teeth. This should end well (missoulian.com) | (375) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 211: "The Shadow Knows" (farktography.net) | (138) |
Wed May 20, 2009
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Woman explains in immense detail why fat men rock (express.co.uk) | (283) |
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Man reluctantly gives up drinking after getting hammered, falling asleep on railway tracks and being run over by a train. Twice (dailystar.co.uk) | (27) |
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Police officer asks wedding guest to pull up his pants to comply with dress code. Does guest: a) pull up pants, b) leave wedding, or c) get arrested for disturbing the peace, along with the groom, the groom's brother and two others? (nola.com) | (73) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You know, using a towing service to transport a 750-lb deceased person to the morgue might sound like a good idea at the time, but someone will have a problem with it. Here is that someone (theindychannel.com) | (339) |
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If you parked your single-engine Piper in a northeastern Pennsylvania tree, you left your lights on (breitbart.com) | (35) |
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If you recently fled the country with $10,000,000 the bank accidentally deposited in your account, Interpol would like to have a word with you (3news.co.nz) | (134) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bad move: Stealing a 1970 Impala. Really bad move: Stealing it from an NFL running back, while he's watching (post-gazette.com) | (54) |
| (Shorpy Photo Archive) | |
Photoshop these servicemen about to shower (img145.imageshack.us) | (42) |
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NIH Spends $178k studying why Thai hookers have high HIV risk. Submitter offers to explain it to them in fifteen minutes for mere $20k (foxnews.com) | (134) |
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Maine bicyclists may soon have to stop for school buses just like motorist. Otherwise still allowed to be douchebags (seacoastonline.com) | (278) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You know it was only a matter of time before you ended up on Fark if you like to play a game called "lighter tag," which involves squirting people with lighter fluid and then lighting the clothing of the person who is "it" (peninsuladailynews.com) | (75) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Go ahead, try to read this without wincing (ktla.com) | (198) |
| (TUAW) | |
Apple store in Chicago unveils the only version of windows that won't crash even when bricked (tuaw.com) | (331) |
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The Pope encourages young people to use the internet, but says they have to use the same computer for the rest of their lives and they'll go to hell if they use any anti-virus software (azcentral.com)
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(72) |
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Bishop claims that church knew priests sexually abusing kids was morally wrong, but had no idea it was actually a crime (jsonline.com) | (73) |
| (rnews.com) | |
After all these headlines about teacher/student sex lets get oldskool with a 27 year old woman bagging a 16 year boy. With a mugshot that even a paperbag wouldn't make better (rnews.com) | (92) |
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Bristol Palin says she didn't go to her prom or graduation parties because of her responsibilities as a single parent. If only there were an easy way of preventing pregnancy, some kind of abstaining action one could take (hosted.ap.org) | (156) |
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Britney Spears' dad threatening to cut off K-Fed if he doesn't stop losing all his money gambling. Wait, when did they start calling the Champagne Room "gambling"? (celebslam.celebuzz.com) | (56) |
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Waitress says she was fired because she won't wear makeup. Yes there's a picture of her, and no, she doesn't need makeup (www3.signonsandiego.com) | (275) |
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Two Minnesota men reenact the Battle of Tipsecanoe, with expected results (startribune.com) | (25) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Guy forced to sue to get his own land back: "All you need is a notary and a fake signature and they can take your property" (wfaa.com) | (62) |
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Hapless Washington Nationals can't even do a simple thing right, like use a cannon to send sausages to fans (washingtonpost.com) | (48) |
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Mark ur kalendurz: July 9 iz a Cheezburger Nite wif teh Seeattul Maranurz (seattle.mariners.mlb.com) | (59) |
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Los Angeles unveils new multiple-choice quizzizzle for young children that can predict their likelihood to join a street gang (online.wsj.com) | (46) |
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Megan Fox says Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes her "want to strangle a mountain ox." Wilde says she'd be happy make out with Fox to save the ox. Submitter will be in his bunk strangling something (foxnews.com) | (279) |
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A slideshow of what happened to Michael Vick's dogs. Number 5 seems particularly happy (sportsillustrated.cnn.com) | (129) |
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Be warned. Placing a cat in a bong can land your stoned ass in court (latimesblogs.latimes.com) | (89) |
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Boy uses snake as jump rope. Witnesses say it was hisssterical (baltimoresun.com) | (110) |
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Changing your personal behavior the Obama way: "One thing seems certain by 2016: Taxpayers will be paying Detroit to make the cars Americans don't want" (online.wsj.com) | (675) |
| (Some Idaho Guy) | |
Great moment in American journalism #112: "The Idaho Statesman is looking for some parents to speak with about the issue of 'sexting'" (idahostatesman.com) | (45) |
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Not news: Rudy G's kid gets kicked off the Duke golf team. News: He sues and loses. Fark: The judge dismissing the case cites Carl Spackler. Duke sucks (thesmokinggun.com) | (96) |
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Spielberg to make MLK film, if the demands of the King family can be met. In other words, MLK film unlikely (news.yahoo.com) | (114) |
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Obama will sign a bill today allowing concealed weapons into national parks - a feat conservatives couldn't pull off with majorities in the legislature and the Presidency (washingtonpost.com) | (460) |
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Oil companies in 2008: "Demand is up, so we've regretfully had to raise prices." In 2009: "Demand is down, so we've regretfully had to raise prices" (11alive.com) | (220) |
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After successful missile test, Iran says Israel is now in range of its weapons. Israel "that's funny, 'cause you've been in range of our nukes for a couple of decades now" (news.yahoo.com) | (234) |
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Parents using ball and chain on their children that counts down a reasonable study time before unlocking. Hilarity in 3, 2, 1 (abc2news.com) | (59) |
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The defeat of California's budget referendums illustrates that the state's problem is its voters and the idiotic initiative and referendum system that indulges their petty and childish whims and fancies (latimes.com) | (294) |
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UAW reluctant to assume ownership of Chrysler, GM. Cites strained relations with labor, crushing retiree obligations (money.cnn.com) | (166) |
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Supreme Court of Canada to decide whether minimum-sentence laws can be ignored if the police beat the crap out of the suspect (cbc.ca) | (33) |
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Family furious after city orders them to get rid of pet chickens: "You might as well be regulating what type of food I eat, what type of clothes I wear and what I do inside my home" (pic) (upi.com) | (110) |
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What do you get when you mix a Veterans Day parade, the Confederate flag, the NAACP AND Florida? (tcpalm.com) | (173) |
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Help wanted: Seeking part-time Santa Claus. Last Santa arrested on child porn charges. Successful candidate will not be known by the name "Downtown the Clown" (wbbm780.com) | (38) |
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Louisiana House passes bill allowing refusal of health care, which is great because not everyone believes in blood letting and witches brew (forbes.com) | (54) |
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What are the chances of accidentally moving into a house across the street from your brother whom you never met, and who was given up for adoption? (cnn.com) | (46) |
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Guantanamo Bay inmate calls for Cuba prison to be closed and everyone there to be moved to a Ramada Inn off I-95 in Maryland. "I've been there," he says. "It's nice" (huffingtonpost.com) | (63) |
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Quiznos follows up their ad campaign which insinuates a guy having sex with an oven with an homage to 2 girls 1 cup. Because that's a great way to sell food (w/video) (gawker.com) | (92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Amy Winehouse admitted to hospital again, just two visits away from earning free abortion (newswatch50.com) | (53) |
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Ted Haggard, who claims to have completely cured himself of the gay, tweets that he will be voting for Kris Allen to be the next American Idol (gawker.com) | (75) |
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Free at last. Free at last. Thank dog almighty, Michael Vick is free at last (kansascity.com) | (299) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Black churches that supported civil rights when it was against segregation aren't quite as thrilled with civil rights when the issue is gay marriage (news.pinkpaper.com) | (751) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Dallas news station does 7th grade science experiment to discover doctor's offices contain germs. If only someone would write a book about this kind of story (kvue.com) | (18) |
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We should let the state of California go bankrupt (meganmcardle.theatlantic.com) | (333) |
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Any time now, the tenacious watchdogs of the American media will notice Obama's numerous flip-flops and a budget that racks up a deficit that would make a GM accountant blush. Yep, any minute now (corner.nationalreview.com) | (262) |
| (Pontiac) |  |
Gina Carano in boxing trunks warms up for her next opponent. (Sponsored Link) (contest.maxim.com) | (93) |
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US Army takes AIG approach: "Well sure KBR's construction was so shoddy that the showers have killed more than a dozen soldiers, but that's no reason not to give them tens of millions of dollars in bonuses" (news.yahoo.com) | (50) |
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Two out of three fathers feel shut out of family life as the mother insists on doing the child-raising. The other third wish they could go to the bar too (dailymail.co.uk) | (61) |
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If you sell drugs and get caught, just hide out for about 30 years under an assumed name and the charges will go away like magic (msnbc.msn.com) | (88) |
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Hey...I wonder what will happen if I toss this empty keg into the fire (cbs3.com) | (62) |
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Experts say the best way to fight insomnia is a combination of pills and therapy. Apparently they've never heard of four beers and a joint (tampabay.com) | (63) |
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With no more important legal matters to settle, appeals court rules that Pringles are potato chips (telegraph.co.uk) | (77) |
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Texas Senate OKs gun possession at colleges. Asked for comment, reclusive nerds and frustrated virgins said "BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM" (miamiherald.com) | (363) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this frisbee thrower (c2.api.ning.com) | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Why is it that journalists are allowed (and even encouraged) to publicly challenge, question and criticize everyone else's boss - except for their own?" (mediaworkers.org) | (34) |
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To improve hospital efficiency, Canadian researchers recommend dying at home (upi.com) | (88) |
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Woman attending Mets game loses gold tooth in Citi Field toilet bowl, gets arm stuck trying to retrieve it. Workers eventually get her out but gold tooth, like Mets' 2009 season, remain in toilet (metro.co.uk) | (62) |
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Amid a devastating recession, teens are forced to scale back for proms on everything from dresses to limos. Eau de humanity (msnbc.msn.com) | (128) |
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Remember the "alien in the window" video? The guy who filmed it was a pre-qualifier for the 1992 Olympic U.S. cycling team and swears he was abducted and aliens told him secrets of space travel. Oh ya, and he has a book coming out (examiner.com) | (107) |
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A prostitute's evolution: "I don't take money for sex, I take money for company and the sex is free." (orlandosentinel.com) | (131) |
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Sick boy and his magical, cancer-curing mother are missing (cnn.com) | (275) |
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LTC Fehrenbach has been flying the F-15E Strike Eagle since 1998. He has flown numerous missions against Taliban and al-Qaida targets. We've invested $25M in him. Fehrenbach is gay and about to be discharged (huffingtonpost.com) | (403) |
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Fire Chief advises citizens to start carrying buckets of water around. Oh, no reason. Just in case, you know? (myfoxdc.com) | (40) |
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Scientists spend £300,000 to find that ducks like water. Still no cure for cancer (guardian.co.uk) | (50) |
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Perhaps it was only destiny that something called Swine Flu would have a special love for the fatties (washingtonpost.com) | (60) |
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German company security personnel screening: "She could be described as a female carnivore with an extremely elevated need for sex" (thelocal.de) | (102) |
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No more pencils. No more books. No more teacher's dirty pistol whippings (chron.com) | (37) |
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Doctor: "I'm gonna need to drill a hole in your son's head." Parents: "Sure, go ahead" (upi.com) | (131) |
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Today's story of a burglar falling through the ceiling and landing in front of the cops brought to you by New Hyde Park, NY (upi.com) | (23) |
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Energy Conservation press release sent out as single sheet of paper. Wrapped in tissue. Put in cardboard box and wrapped in a bubble envelope (thestar.com) | (32) |
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Nanny State town will no longer fly the Union Jack because of safety concerns about using an eight-foot ladder to hoist the flag (upi.com) | (67) |
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Caption Joe Biden (reason.com) | (186) |
| (Some Set) | |
Photoshop this racy rocket rider (img-fotki.yandex.ru) | (61) |
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Australian man charged with illegally shooting two marsupials with a bow and arrow. Police vow that he will roo his actions (abc.net.au) | (60) |
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Stealing flowers from graves and reselling them: hey, it's a tough economy (myfoxny.com) | (67) |
| (Katu) | |
Coffee Creek prison guard arrested for dispensing cream to female inmate (katu.com) | (70) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Man, I am so bored. Think I will go home." *knockknock* "Hi. We need you back at the courthouse, but not as a juror this time." (kptv.com) | (90) |
| (KENS5) | |
I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords (kens5.com) | (151) |
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Rest assured that hard drives with sensitive data from previous presidential administrations will always be kept under the most secure conditions. Unless there's construction going on. Then anyone can get to them. And somebody just did (apnews.myway.com) | (84) |
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Annnnd today's made-up media panic item is (does Mad-Lib)...Too much SODA can KILL YOU (mirror.co.uk) | (89) |
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Somali pirate on trial in the Netherlands likes the country so much, he's considering staying there after his trial is over. "He thinks the lavatory in his cell is fantastic." (telegraph.co.uk) | (219) |
Tue May 19, 2009
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Court rules you can't be fired for taking a sick day to go surfing. Righteous (telegraph.co.uk) | (78) |
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President Obama gets the Republican governor of California, the Democratic governor of Michigan, the US auto manufacturers, and the unions to agree on major fuel standards and cuts to emissions and 2012 (boston.com) | (620) |
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11 prosthetic limbs in a year? Sounds like somebody's pulling her leg (express.co.uk) | (37) |
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Not News: Recent parolee fatally wounded during botched burglary attempt. Fark: Family to hold candle-lit vigil outside store he tried to rob because they don't want people thinking he was "some sort of lowlife" (sacbee.com) | (111) |
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Austin woman has nursed over 1000 possums to health. And she's single, fellas (statesman.com) | (131) |
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Minnesota breaks temperature records with 66 degree separation across state. In response, polar bear club cooks bacon on sidewalk (startribune.com) | (53) |
| (NewOrleans.com) | |
SuperBowl returns to New Orleans for 2013 - Time to start that post-Katrina clean-up (neworleans.com) | (116) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this guy waiting for his prints at the fotomat booth (blog.masslive.com) | (36) |
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Want to piss off the community? Tell an elderly military mom she can't honor her son with a window flag (wtam.com) | (409) |
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Cyprus overrun by asses. Donkeys too (azcentral.com) | (33) |
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Mexican resorts offering 'Flu Free Guarantee'. If you catch Swine Flu while there you get three free trips back. Montezuma's revenge sufferers to receive free copy of Dianetics to read on the john (news.yahoo.com) | (52) |
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I'd like a Triple Whopper, extra large fries, diet Coke and a radiator grill, please. To go (komonews.com) | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
University sponsors a foam party in hopes of keeping students from jumping into a city fountain in their underwear to celebrate the end of finals. "I could think of a lot worse things they could be doing than an Undie Run" (orange.freedomblogging.com) | (42) |
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The IN dept of transportation is starting a bus route from Muncie to Indianapolis due to overwhelming job opportunities in the state's capital. Just kidding, it's because "a lot of people need to visit the state prison." (indystar.com) | (38) |
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Ugly-ass pig named "Slumhog Millionaire" selected as St. Paul Saints new mascot; future breakfast side dish (startribune.com) | (23) |
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Pennsylvania small-town mayor calls police, attempts to have protester arrested for "attempts to criticize (my) campaign" (pennlive.com) | (82) |
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NYC Health Commish want to ban Indian Reservation from selling cheap smokes. Bonus: includes the word "Poospatuck" (nypost.com) | (64) |
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2009 Al Qaeda recruiting drive ramping up, as USAF proves it can hit the broad side of a barn. And the house next door. And the school down the street. We're doing it wrong (cnn.com) | (142) |
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That Canadian beat-boxing girl on YouTube who wanted to win the World Beatbox Battle Wildcard, and who most Farkers laughed at last week? She won (npr.org) | (113) |
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Problem: US forces have to be out of Iraqi cities by June 30. No Problem: Redraw the city borders (csmonitor.com) | (42) |
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So what did Canadians do on this past long weekend besides drink copious amounts of beer? Well, because they lived in Canada and it's only May, they built snowmen (cbc.ca) | (41) |
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If you only have $42 to your name, Larry King suggests you bet all of it on a horse. Hey, it worked for him (cnn.com) | (36) |
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DHS: Let's modify us some hurricanes NOAA: Um, yeeeeaah, you go ahead and do that (voices.washingtonpost.com) | (59) |
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From the "I Can't Believe It's Not Obvious" Department, missing Bush emails won't be released (huffingtonpost.com) | (38) |
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Courageous teenage girl, with no regard for her own safety, takes pickup truck hit in order to save the life of an iPod laying in the middle of the road (wesh.com) | (63) |
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High school senior found wandering the hallways of the Colorado State Capital after hours. "Hey kid, how'd you get in here?" "Senator Mitchell gave me the code to the door." (denverpost.com) | (28) |
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Democrats: "Yeah, about closing Gitmo, we really can't afford to pay for that now. Did you check with Citigroup?" (hosted.ap.org) | (210) |
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America's classical orchestras should ride out recession by firing overpaid prima donna conductors, soloists, and principal players (chicagotribune.com) | (56) |
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Over the years, many women have thought about lesbian sex. The Daily Star is there (dailystar.co.uk) | (126) |
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Restaurant worker kills Chinese couple, gets urge to kill again 20 minutes later (foxnews.com) | (28) |
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The most common operation performed in the U.S. is now the cesarean, being performed in 31% of births, up from 4.5% 40 years ago (latimes.com) | (220) |
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If you're arrested for brandishing a firearm in public, it's best not to say you intended to shoot up a church congregation and then flee the state (foxnews.com) | (27) |
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Chicago pizza named the country's best, topping a list of the 25 best. Eat it, NY (wbbm780.com) | (199) |
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In a shocking development, Alfie's girlfriend turns out to be a giant whore (telegraph.co.uk) | (115) |
| (Some Rural Guy) | |
Deputy Easley was dispatched and reported back that everything was okay. The two juveniles were no longer involved in an altercation. The fight began over ranch dressing (leecountylive.com) | (23) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The obesity epidemic in the US is due solely to increased food intake (theheart.org) | (101) |
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As the economy worsens, neighbors are communally buying and sharing some items. If only there were a term for that type of behaviour (hosted.ap.org) | (127) |
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National Academy of Sciences paid people to yell at bird's nests. Thank god they've cured cancer (blogs.usatoday.com) | (39) |
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Obama drinks Canada's milkshake, dumbing them down while strengthening the U.S. "We've secretly stolen all of their smart people and replaced them with more episodes of American Idol and CSI. Let's see if anyone notices." (thestar.com) | (67) |
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Idiot skateboarder asked to move for street sweeper. After the ensuing chase where an officer falls, charged with aggravated assault on a police officer, resisting arrest, failure to disperse, and obstructing a roadway (nj.com) | (51) |
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Grand Theft Auto - Florida Style. 12 year-old girl steals dad's car for the 2nd time and hits cop car. FTW, Dad presses charges (sun-sentinel.com) | (53) |
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Woman, 20, gets porked. Then cuffed and stuffed (thesmokinggun.com) | (52) |
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Man found guilty of beating his girlfriend sentenced to ... 60 hours of working out in a gym? (thesun.co.uk) | (56) |
| (KYW1060) | |
How to get rich on eBay: 1) buy first edition books; 2) forge authors' signatures; 3) ???; 4) profit (kyw1060.com) | (37) |
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Spokane distillery, looking for volunteers to pack its gin and vodak bottles in exchange for free lunch and shots, says they are booked for rest of year (seattlepi.com) | (36) |
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Lima, Ohio students say that scripted TV show based in their town isn't realistic enough. Like, they don't even HAVE a Pottery Barn (news.cincinnati.com) | (57) |
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Ice-cream shop owner accepts $20 "new issue" coin as payment, also believes that pigs fly and everyone rides unicorns to work (pennlive.com) | (37) |
| (Some Head Case) | |
Tips from a neuro nurse: No live chickens in the hospital; don't do coke in your room; and you can't suck more morphine out of the pump (head-nurse.blogspot.com) | (25) |
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67.2% of Las Vegas homes have negative equity. Craps (finance.yahoo.com) | (103) |
| (WBAL TV) | |
What's the least likely disease you'd expect a long time porn star to acquire (wbaltv.com) | (159) |
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Scientists warn that global warming will result in cooling of the southeastern U.S. Face it - they're just making crap up at this point and they don't care who knows it (sciencedaily.com) | (702) |
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Family bonding goes awry as mother and son partake in a drive-by gang shooting (suntimes.com) | (21) |
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How do you add drama to your snails-on-face world record attempt? Make it look like your head is decapitated and sitting in a lasagna pan? With "what the..." photo goodness (cbs13.com) | (55) |
| (Alan Sepinwall) | |
In order to keep Chuck on the air, the creators of the show agreed to an unprecedented level of product integration, including the possibility that a main character will actually become an employee of Subway (sepinwall.blogspot.com) | (172) |
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Boy who was ordered to get healthcare for cancer vows to hit and kick anyone that tries to help him. Parents say they will get help if its an emergency. Asinine tag has day off today (myfoxdc.com) | (231) |
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Alec Baldwin learns from embarassing voicemail he left for his daughter 2 years ago when he called her a "thoughtless little pig." Now he goes straight to the press to trash talk her (nypost.com) | (100) |
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Contrary to the state of his career, Patrick Swayze is not dead. Abe Vigoda unavailable for comment (eonline.com) | (49) |
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The only California electon-day voting guide you'll need, including which proposition pays for Arnold Schwarzenegger's titanium moon temple (wonkette.com) | (116) |
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First came cyber tipjars, then buying pixels, then trading red paperclips for a house. The latest thing: Twittering for hearts (lasvegasnow.com) | (19) |
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Quadruple amputee settles lawsuit. High five (clickorlando.com)
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(92) |
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You know your dominoes tournament is hardcore when there's a DJ, let alone if the DJ gets stabbed to death (cbc.ca) | (46) |
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Why PR types will replace investigative journalists: "Flackery requires putting together credible narratives from pools of verifiable data. This activity is not categorically different from journalism" (reason.com) | (44) |
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Torn from the pages of last year's news: Foreclosured homes with pools that have been neglected have become mosquito breeding grounds, which could result in the spread of the West Nile virus (myfoxdc.com) | (63) |
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Buffalo man endures three days in jail, $21,000 in legal fees and permanent nerve damage to thumb defending a friend from an off-duty cop. Bonus: The cop in question has more accusations of force used than he does arrests (buffalonews.com) | (298) |
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Taking LSD, stripping off your clothes, and being hit with Taser stun guns NINETEEN times might cause your heart to stop (tennessean.com) | (245) |
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Photoshop this phony phone call in a flood (s.wsj.net) | (29) |
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Catholic Church investigates possible miracle in New Jersey -- they've either discovered an unborn child with a birth defect that disappeared, a Democratic legislator who's not on the take, or a Republican who's not mobbed-up (recordonline.com) | (72) |
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Angry whining ensues after editorial accuses atheists of being angry whiners (opinion.latimes.com) | (644) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A pair of F-16 fighter jets are scheduled to make pre-dawn low altitudes passes over Washington tomorrow as part of the Air Force's ongoing assualt on America's fragile psyche (freerepublic.com) | (118) |
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Once again: If you're going to rob a bank, don't leave papers with your name and address on them at the scene. And if you realize your mistake and break a door getting back in to retrieve them, make sure you get them all (newsobserver.com) | (13) |
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Man gambles $1.5 billion away over 18 months, sues casino for the money back; is now eligible for a job running a U.S. auto company (smh.com.au) | (132) |
| (Some Guy) | |
First Communion party sparks brawl. One stabbed, two hospitalized, seven sent to confession (ansa.it) | (60) |
| (WKFS) | |
Young girl: "I'm 16, pregnant and scared. What am I going to do?" MTV: "Hey, wanna be on MTV? We'll get you Jonas Brothers tickets" (kiss107.com) | (264) |
| (WOODtv.com) | |
Pet "special needs" tortoise disappears from backyard. Owner expected to claim that he only took his eyes off it for an hour or two (woodtv.com) | (28) |
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Michigan police immobilize ferocious large stuffed animal with taser. That's some fine police work, Lou (redorbit.com) | (97) |
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Tamil Tiger leader may still have 8 lives left (upi.com) | (71) |
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ıɥsoʎ pǝɯɐuǝɹ 'pǝʇdopɐ ǝƃpıɹɟ oʇ uʍop ǝpısdn pǝdɐʇ ƃop (suntimes.com) | (159) |
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Chicken king's chicken choked by chicken king's queen. Dead Duck (news.com.au) | (33) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Prostitution advocacy group fears that Vancouver's hookers will be exploited by international media, penises, during the 2010 Olympics (lethbridgeherald.com) | (82) |
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Judge: You can't write work zone speeding tickets when nobody is working. Prosecutor: Since we made $40 million off those tickets, I'll pretend I didn't hear that (thenewspaper.com) | (180) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man gets beat up after confronting guys stealing his leaf blower. That sucks, blows (kitsapsun.com) | (32) |
| (Some Girl) | |
You know times are tough in Michigan when they're using counterfeit money at garage sales (mlive.com) | (37) |
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Dogs' water bowl may be cause of fire. Wait, what? (seattletimes.nwsource.com) | (40) |
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If you're going to threaten to blow up the public library after being caught surfing porn there, for fark's sake, show up for your arraignment (seacoastonline.com) | (26) |
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Laid-off religious workers shocked to learn they cannot collect unemployment because their employers are exempt from paying taxes. God dammit (upi.com) | (422) |
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Child witch abuse on the rise: "I took a broom to hit him and he started crying. Then I knew he was possessed by demons... Nigerian witches are terrified of brooms" (cnn.com) | (148) |
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Photoshop this ceramic service (spiegel.de) | (24) |
| (KTHV) | |
Two men convicted of stealing food from Kansas. Still no word on who stole Foreigner's pocket knife, Survivor's bicycle (todaysthv.com) | (58) |
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The UFO everyone thought they saw hovering over Arizona was actually a 4,000-pound NASA research balloon used to measure gamma ray emissions in high altitudes. False alarms make Hulk angry (azcentral.com) | (116) |
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Clocked at 130 kph, 95-year-old woman had somewhere to go. Subby wonders if she was late for her own funeral? (ca.news.yahoo.com) | (50) |
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Suicidal ducklings jump from roof of bank. Loan officer catches them, leads to river (pics) (komonews.com) | (92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Pro tip: If you're a governor and agree to an interview about government waste, make sure you're aware the state poet is not a volunteer position (khq.com) | (125) |
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Some 78 percent of pool-users believe others are peeing in the pool. And at least 17 percent say they are (abcnews.go.com) | (217) |
Mon May 18, 2009
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Breastfeeding mother banned from feeding her infant poolside because of a "no food or drink" policy (telegraph.co.uk) | (395) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You may not be the sharpest tourist if you're thinking about poking a porcupine on your holiday (mosnews.com) | (86) |
| (KYW1060) | |
When you're being processed at the police station for failing to pay bar tab, you should: a) call your girlfriend to pay the tab; b) cough it up; or c) set toilet paper on fire and write on the station walls with your own feces (kyw1060.com) | (34) |
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Can you hear me now? Not anymore, but I can Cu (tcpalm.com) | (58) |
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Obama is going to announce new standards for fuel economy tomorrow. BONUS: Article creates new word: Obamastration (reuters.com) | (208) |
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New technology will force your car to slow down when you exceed the speed limit. Still no technology forcing you to leave earlier and stay to the right (blogs.discovermagazine.com) | (248) |
| (Florida Today) | |
School gets hit by lightning, students evacuate outdoors to stand in a thunderstorm. Florida tags off to Ironic (floridatoday.com) | (45) |
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City names park for NorCal Nobel prize winner who helped invented the transistor....and believed blacks should not reproduce (cbs13.com) | (176) |
| (Some Guy) | |
High school teacher sets good example by robbing a bank rather than sleeping with his students (cnycentral.com) | (25) |
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13,000 people volunteer to put their genomes online. Subby isn't sure thy this is a big deal, he spills his genome while online a few times a day (computerworld.com) | (49) |
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Photoshop this course-climbing canine (s.wsj.net) | (37) |
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IRS issues scam alert. Warns taxpayers about schemes to get your money and send it overseas, or to people who didn't earn it, or to pay off other pyramid schemes...hey, wait a minute (economy.kansascity.com)
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(91) |
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Blogger says that because no one's paying for Facebook and Twitter, the Internet is doomed. Subby's latest update brought to you by Viagra, Coors Light, and Buick (startribune.com) | (92) |
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It's not news, it's plagiarism. Complete with the "I only heard the information from a friend, not from the written source that virtually matches the plagiarized paragraph word-for-word." (news.yahoo.com) | (181) |
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Denver Nuggets forward Kenyon Martin and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban have kissed and made up. Ha ha, no... Martin calls Cuban a "coward" for apologizing indirectly through a blog entry (sports.yahoo.com) | (449) |
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Researchers find that child brains organized differently than adult brains, also find that chickens do not resemble eggs, and don't even get them started on butterflies (livescience.com) | (38) |
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Thief breaks into pizza parlour, steals six pizzas, begins eating them, enjoys them so much he forgets to flee the scene, gets arrested (dailystar.co.uk) | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
From the you can't make this up files: Two shot at anti-violence rally (koco.com) | (84) |
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31 of the coolest pictures of the Space Shuttle not exploding that you will see all day (boston.com) | (82) |
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Are those 10 bottles of shampoo down your pants or are you just happy to see me? (mcall.com) | (18) |
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"We got horny and just wanted to fark." That's no way to explain why you were having sex in a car while two little kids were in the back seat (thesmokinggun.com) | (132) |
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The most expensive houses with less than 1,000 sq feet you'll see all day (sun-sentinel.com) | (47) |
| (Some Guy) | |
New frontrunner for Father of the Year gets high on PCP and eats his son's eyes. To be fair, it did allow him to see through time before the Vatican could sell him out to the aliens (bakersfield.com) | (526) |
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Bears repeating: Don't speed when you have 100 bags of heroin in the car and you just got out of jail. Basketball name recognition in the article is also funny as is the name of the bags of heroin (mcall.com) | (64) |
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Good news, ladies: You can pre-insert the improved female condom up to EIGHT HOURS before having sex. Also, it makes less rustling noise (voices.washingtonpost.com) | (180) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man trying to swat spider in his car hits a mailbox, street sign and utility pole. "No word on the spider." (goerie.com) | (60) |
| (Some BS Guy) | |
Not News: Using a Fake Diploma to further your career. Fark news: When you are the Director of Readiness for the Army's Aviation and Missile Command (whnt.com) | (50) |
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"The man screamed at the woman that her asparagus was overpriced. He then punched her in the face and threatened to unleash his attack dog at her" (news.yahoo.com) | (46) |
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20th Century Fox TV, which produces "Dollhouse", is owned by NewsCorp, which also owns Fox. NewsCorp. expects strong DVD and overseas sales and, the show did well on Hulu, which, by amazing coincidence, is also owned by NewsCorp (voices.washingtonpost.com) | (197) |
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Spilling beer on fans at baseball games, parking in fire lanes, shooting church bell towers -- how else should cops celebrate National Police Week? (washingtontimes.com) | (51) |
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Dicey moments in DC puzzle scavenger hunt history: Pointing a 12-foot cannon at the White House (washingtonpost.com) | (15) |
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Bodybuilders have no sack when it comes to facing anti-doping officials (news.yahoo.com) | (95) |
| (HealthCare IT News) | |
Hospital set to be the first to Twitter during a transplant surgery. Because, you know, there isn't anything better to be doing in the room than Twitter (healthcareitnews.com) | (44) |
| (News4Jax) | |
Student brings gun to school, shoots at teacher, misses, shoots himself in the head, lives (news4jax.com) | (91) |
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Cash-strapped American high-school grads increasingly flock to Canadian universities to take advantage of cheap, high-quality education in ways of hockey, poutine, and pronouncing words with "u" (theglobeandmail.com) | (107) |
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Obama blamed for resurgence of Hawaiian shirt, which makes every man wearing one look like the typical American: "a bellowing, bum bag-sporting tourist with white socks and sandals, and an arse visible from space" (guardian.co.uk) | (152) |
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New study shows that Republican old men are happier than Democrat old men; scientists are excellent trolls (news.yahoo.com) | (258) |
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Coffee, which was once good for you, then bad for you, is good for you again (baltimoresun.com) | (89) |
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Things you can trust: emails from Nigerians, Wikipedia, and tweets from a Guatemalan guy telling you to withdraw all your money from the bank (webn.com) | (12) |
| (Drew) |  |
Earthquakes, Bacon Lung and Twitter navelgazing: this week's Media Hype Power Rankings (and a couple of our favorite Headlines of the Week 5/10 - 5/16) (fark.com) | (15) |
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Swine Flu claims sixth victim in US. Callously smirking about media overreaction now 1.73% harder (cnn.com) | (91) |
| (kpho.com) | |
Turns out, you can milk things without nipples; Gaylord Focker unavailable for comment (kpho.com) | (30) |
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Sports fisherman catches 1,060-pound pregnant hammerhead shark, takes it to shore to weigh, sets record, then dumps it into gulf. Hilarity ensues (tampabay.com) | (248) |
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I'm tired of these monkey fighting snakes on my monkey fighting power lines (kansascity.com) | (44) |
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The audience for the CBS Evening News is getting so wizened that a recent survey revealed that the majority of its elderly viewers consider Murder, She Wrote reruns 'too edgy'" (bighollywood.breitbart.com) | (41) |
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Couple plans to sell Jesus-shaped Cheeto: "It could be 25 cents, could be 25 dollars. If it's only 25 cents, we're just going to eat it." (cbs11tv.com) | (109) |
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Gee. Just what I wanted. My water logged laptop that has been in the Hudson River since my plane made an unscheduled landing in January (nj.com) | (95) |
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Woman who slept with teenage boys in Wal-Mart and school parking lots claims she was "protecting her daughter from their affections" (blogs.nerve.com) | (106) |
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Rumsfeld photoshopped Bible passages onto cover pics of intel reports for Bush during Iraq war, since Sun Tzu is totally played out (news.yahoo.com) | (379) |
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Not News: Bleeding heart prison counselor falls for an inmate. News: After he gets out, she shoots him in the chest barely missing his heart. Fark: No charges are filed and they are still together (newsobserver.com) | (55) |
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Principal apologizes for accusing kilt-wearing student of "cross-dressing". Angry Scots ask Principal: "do ye know why we call it a Kilt? 'cause that's what we do to anyone who calls it a skirt" (news.yahoo.com) | (142) |
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Pregnant 66-year old: "I am not asking people to understand me" (independent.ie) | (97) |
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Photoshop this van and pram on the Portstewart Strand (s.wsj.net) | (26) |
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Beware, farkers considering fatherhood: "[M]ost of my male friends are not fathers in any traditional sense at all; they occupy roughly the same status in their households as the help." (online.wsj.com) | (712) |
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Don't talk to strangers - unless they burst through your door screaming - then that's okay (cnews.canoe.ca) | (20) |
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Not news: Getting pregnant to a guy you're cheating with. Still not news: They're twins. Fark: With two different fathers (telegraph.co.uk) | (205) |
| (My Fox) | |
Statue of James Garfield beheaded at Ohio college campus. Bart Simpson, Van Buren Boys wanted for questioning (myfoxatlanta.com) | (54) |
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Sign the economy might be improving: 5-lb. meteorite sells for $50,000 (wbbm780.com) | (29) |
| (Some Guy) | |
When choosing a spot for your underage drinking party, try to avoid the house right next door to the sheriff (chicagotribune.com) | (26) |
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In addition to the bratty kids, delayed flights and crappy service, get ready for TSA-issued strip searches to be the norm (cnn.com) | (251) |
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Alec Baldwin makes a joke about a "Filipino mail order bride." Senator in Philippines government says he'll kick Alec Baldwin's ass if Baldwin ever steps foot in the Philippines (news.yahoo.com) | (206) |
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Students of a course on Internet privacy at Fordham Law School give Justice Scalia a teaching moment after he dismisses Internet privacy concerns (nytimes.com) | (54) |
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"There are probably many reasons you might want to paint a squirrel orange" (washingtonpost.com) | (52) |
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Tamil Tiger leader Velupillai Prabhakaran shot dead, pitiful little band defeated, rebellion crushed with one swift stroke (news.bbc.co.uk) | (105) |
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Nanny state enforces clip-on ties for children. "Schools have raised concerns about [knotted] ties catching fire in science lessons" (news.bbc.co.uk) | (122) |
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College which offers "training courses in fire prevention and control" catches fire, burns to the ground (dailyexpress.co.uk) | (53) |
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79 seconds left (homestarrunner.com) | (76) |
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Fame and fortune may make you unhappy says a group of unknown, impoverished researchers (upi.com) | (71) |
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Navy ships from a land downunder, tells pirates who are set to plunder, can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover (news.com.au) | (104) |
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China's Sex Theme Park demolished, leaving Dominatrix Duck and Masochist Mouse to join the ever growing ranks of the unemployed (news.bbc.co.uk) | (51) |
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Hamthrax strikes New York City (cnews.canoe.ca) | (92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this pilot (airliners.net) | (39) |
| (fox 11) | |
News: Milwaukee graffiti punk writes "Where da biatches at?" on a police call box. Fark: Local English teacher posts fliers correcting his poor grammar (fox11online.com) | (126) |
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Aged seven or older and live in Britain? Become a Junior Street Champion and spy on your neighbours (dailymail.co.uk) | (217) |
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UK database contains info on every child in country. But don't worry -- it's private, so nobody can possibly abuse it (theregister.co.uk) | (35) |
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Colorado Springs cop shoots and kills burglar in someone's home. When asked if the burgler had a gun, cop responds: "That's part of the investigation that's yet to be determined" (denverpost.com) | (446) |
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When Canadian police tells you to hold the handrail in an escalator, don't argue with your silly "I'll catch a bug" argument or you'll get handcuffed, thrown in a holding cell and fined $420 dollars (theglobeandmail.com) | (111) |
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Potential distracting billboards educating drivers about driver distraction are ruled as not distracting by agency whose job it is to minimise driver distraction (3news.co.nz) | (22) |
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Oh, What a lovely painting-BEES BEES BEES DEAR GOD THEY'RE EVERYWH-OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH (dailymail.co.uk) | (77) |
| (WOODtv.com) | |
Two homeless guys live in pickup truck with 5 pitbulls. What could possibly go wrong? (woodtv.com) | (122) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teens reluctant to go to summer camp if it means giving up cell phones, iPods and Facebook, refuse to experience life like children did way back in the 1990s (technewsworld.com) | (139) |
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Utah school asked for apology after suggesting a kid wearing a kilt could be viewed cross dressing. But, they'll probably skirt the issue (wbbm780.com) | (80) |
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One good thing about the economy is that it's bankrupting a lot of HOAs because nobody can afford to pay the dues. "When I tell you it is an unadulterated nightmare out there, I mean it" (tampabay.com) | (168) |
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Nanny state bans a teacher with 50 years experience from school because she 'touched a boys arm' (dailyexpress.co.uk) | (69) |
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5.0 quake near LAX is felt across wide area, details are still a bit shaky (latimesblogs.latimes.com) | (240) |
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