Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for '2009-01-25 23:59:59'

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Sun January 25, 2009

	In these testing economic times, if you're serious about getting a job, you'll need to pump your face full of botox	(30)
	Desperate British girls are using the internet to find foreign strangers with healthy teeth to have sex with	(50)
(Some Guy)	Cop tries to avoid DUI checkpoint. Cop checked anyway. Cop has weed, and is drunk. Cop tells cop he and his dad are in KKK	(49)
	Prince Harry, 3rd in line to the throne of one of the oldest monarchies in the world, got dumped on...Facebook	(64)
	Like fletcher and thatcher before it, soon "cooper" will be just one more meaningless English last name	(92)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop Kayak Boy and Water Dog	(72)
	So, exactly how DO you smuggle a foot-long live shark out of a pet shop without anyone noticing?	(56)
	Italian Premier Silvio Berlusconi says Italian women are so beautiful, they need military escorts or they're gonna get raped. Surprisingly, some people have a problem with this	(90)
(KTVB)	Meet Valentine, the cat who survived being shot in the head with an arrow by a 12 year old boy (with video)	(150)
	"Young people tell us they go further sexually than they planned when they are drunk." With quote from Ed Balls	(74)
	UK's food police - "a prime example of excessive Government nannying"	(48)
	Actual headline: "Gold tooth missing after crutch attack"	(25)
	Gamestop Employees Dress in Fat Suits=EpicFail	(98)
	If you just bought "Redneck S--t" but got Madden 09 instead, Walmart would like to make a trade with you	(69)
(Meri News)	Study finds divorce makes men richer, according to the National Institute of Counterintuitive Logic	(111)
	3-D porn is here, apparently the major hurdle was finding male leads willing to undress for the cameras	(125)
	Police warn scavengers not to pick up lumber that washes ashore from shipwreck. "This cargo remains the property of the original owner."	(59)
	The ultimate review of the greatest gourmet food of all time -- boxed macaroni and cheese	(123)
(Some Guy)	Mafia hitman threatens to close schools if state legislature allows teachers unions. Did I say "Mafia hitman"? I meant "Catholic bishop"	(126)
	Obesity called "America's epidemic." You would have submitted this with a funnier headline, but your fingers were still greasy from eating those sticks of butter for lunch	(214)
(Some Guy)	The Ultimate Pirate Costume Guide (no scurvy required)	(40)
(Some Guy)	Coffee prevents drain bamage. With bonusly random lolcat	(51)
	Public school uses $135,536 in taxpayer dollars to teach 17 kids to figure skate	(71)
	Brew pubs gain a following in Utah. Wait...what?	(52)
	Man who shot laser beams into aircraft cockpits gets three years in the Pew-PewMITA prison	(57)
	A video of these children's over-energetic eyebrows got 110,000 hits in 24 hours. Who says we're dumbing down?	(35)
	Even the Pope agrees: people with an obnoxious amount of Facebook friends are douchebags	(66)
	U of M geeks manage to teleport with 90% accuracy. Not acceptable, guys, but good work, anyway	(129)
(Some Guy)	If you are going to play a game of quick draw with a stranger at a party, make sure you are actually quick on the draw	(34)
	Sunday, SUNDAY, SU-	(100)
	What is Russia's most popular premium imported vodka? In other news, Russia imports vodka	(71)
(Some Guy)	How much is your health, home and wife worth? A Delaware jury says $2.9 million	(60)
	And a new word enters the dictionary. Mousewife	(55)
(Some Guy)	Humane Society bulldozes pet cemetery, headstones and all, to make way for a pet memorial park	(49)
(Some Guy)	It's illegal to molest squirrels in Minnesota. Even the ones with big nuts	(54)
(PhillyBurbs)	Evidence suggests US Airways jet hit a soft body. Out of habit, Gotti family denies any knowledge of the incident through their lawyer	(34)
	Vegetarians and lonely housewives hit by zucchini crisis as harsh winter kills European crops	(59)
	Hamas opens makeshift offices. Neighbors fear chance of collateral damage will sky rocket	(175)
	"I say old chap, your moobies are exquisite. Do tell me you shan't be following that new trend of getting them reduced"	(32)
	Toronto seeks slogan that will brand it as a world-class city. We know that you can come up with one for it. Go nuts, eh? (Voting enabled)	(179)
	There have been at least 200 terrorist attacks on American airliners since the Patriot Act became law	(152)
(Some Blue Oval Guy)	Today's Photoshop Challenge; Pimp this ride	(76)
(Some Guy)	Three towns in running for annual "Most Dismal Town In Scotland" award. Submitter surprised they could narrow it down to a shortlist	(24)
	♫ ♪ It's like being stabbed in the back, at your reconciliation dinner ♫ ♪	(35)
	Pedigree dogs are becoming stupider and stupider, which is a problem for those of you who were planning on buying a dog to help you balance your checkbook	(165)
(Honolulu Advertiser)	Hawaii to offer free airline tickets. You just have to be in Hawaii, homeless, and from somewhere else they can send you back to. And yeah, they're one-way	(94)
	Six people gobbled up in Turkey avalanche	(36)
	Nanny State tells woman her dogs have to go be fat somewhere else (with fat doggy pics)	(91)
	Miss Indiana is the new Miss America. Wants world peace, cranberry juice	(141)
(Some Aw Jeez Guy)	The man responsible for an internet meme has died. Pay your respects to Jim Horne here	(96)
	Cook county sheriff arrests #2 prostitute in all of Chicago (w/ hittable if MILFish pic)	(210)
	600 dogs rescued from puppy mills in Washington State pregnant with an estimated 1,500 future puppies. Time to get the kids that dog you promised, Obama	(58)
	Just in case someone may have an allergy to eggs, food companies are now printing "contains egg" inside the lid of egg cartons	(107)
	10-year old boy's parents rescued after slipping while trying to retrieve teddy bear he tossed off cliff	(97)
(Republican Herald)	"Serving an omelet with glass in it also violates the implied warranty that the omelet was safe and edible"	(69)
(The Indy Channel)	Elderly man's pickup truck mistakes him for farmer's market	(20)
	"Multi-cultural Australia boasts some of the most mouth-watering food in the world. But that just makes it all the more intriguing why one of Australia's great national dishes comes partly incinerated"	(113)
	Canadian Food Inspection agency warns cheese slices may contain plastic, confirms what we already know	(62)
(Fort Smith Times Record)	Van Buren, Arkansas police searching for Blowtorch Bandit, a fiend who uses blowtorches to break into car wash change machines	(31)
(Some Guy)	Man shot for not letting girlfriend sleep. Next time he'll listen when she's not in the mood	(53)

Sat January 24, 2009

	Understatement of the day - "Farmers, of course, would prefer to have pigs without Ebola . . ."	(12)
	What a Nigerian Facebook scam looks like	(126)
	The Fattest and Fittest cities in the US: Depending on where you live, your dog may want a side of fries with that deep fried steak	(117)
	After 3 years, doctors solve mystery of Boy Who Could Not Sleep: his brain was being squeezed. What, doctors don't watch House, MD?	(116)
	Man crashes car into chain-link fence, tells cop "I'm wrecked, dude, and I got a suspended license." Then things get really weird	(51)
(Some Guy)	"It's the weirdest thing when your best friend runs over your mom."	(27)
	You can probably get away with dissolving several bodies in acid for Mexican drug lords, but 300 is pushing your luck	(191)
	When wearing a $78K diamond engagement ring it is best not to hold your hand over a toilet as it flushes	(96)
	Photoshop this underground station	(47)
	Researchers at the Royal Institute of No Bloody Kidding discover poor students have less money than rich students	(73)
	There is a big reason why illegals generally cross the Rio Grande and not the Niagara River	(87)
	There will be no more gay pie in Christchurch	(63)
(Some ancient math guy)	Ancient book found, proving that the ancient Greek mathematician Archimedes was working on inventing calculus. Fark: some monk had scraped off his text and wrote religious prayers all over it	(367)
(Some Guy)	Help past versions of yourself in this Time Travel game, now with paradoxes	(182)
(Some Guy)	Teens rob bank, make daring get-away on snowmobiles. Good thing they don't leave behind any sort of tracks or anything	(32)
	Two-thirds of the economy of Mendocino County, California is fueled by marijuana. "If we didn't have marijuana, what would this county be like? I think we'd all be selling Amway."	(161)
	61 year old man must pay $55K legal fees and for the work to haul 17 truckloads of trash from his Leeds home after neighbors complained of rat infestation	(41)
	Once again, before you ask someone to help speed up your computer, delete all your child porn first. Especially if you're a prison guard	(128)
	The best way to sell a 1990 Lincoln Town Car on eBay: Drape a half-naked woman over the hood. (Barely SFW)	(124)
	Chinese guy with 16-inches of domestic pipework impaled in his face stuns indecisive medics by ripping it out himself	(72)
	What's hung like a horse and has an STD? Mr. Ed not available for questioning	(86)
	Woman's best friend: Boston terrier halts rape attempt. Your dog wants a criminal	(96)
(The Register Citizen)	Man charged after using the old "I need to personally inspect you for herpes before you can use my pool" trick	(37)
	While you can't get your HMO to cover your broken wrist, your money is buying health coverage for 90% of Chinese	(106)
	Photoshop this bonsai tree	(58)
(KATU)	Coolest video of Sam the baby elephant playing you will see all day	(27)
(TheIntermountain)	Snatched money found in bank robber's vagina . Needs a safer box	(101)
	"It is incredible and shocking that physical attacks on journalists can happen in a first-world country like Iceland." In related news, Iceland has been relegated from Fourth-World status (pics)	(69)
	Texas sees first gay divorce case. Dunno what they're sore about	(68)
	Tired, suspicious, bored, and lonely: British "among least happy people in Europe". Which isn't at all surprising when one considers they're stuck on an island in the North Atlantic	(51)
	Why men hate spas: "If it's a massage, we are concentrating so intently on not farting or entering a state of visible arousal that our bodies tense up like England footballers during a semi-final penalty shootout"	(139)
	News: Families of people killed by an IRA bomb to be given £12,000 compensation each. Fark: Including the person that planted the bomb who accidentally blew himself up	(56)
	Another sign of the bad economy: Collection agency sued over threatening deadbeats with "we're going to take your children away". Deadbeats consider the offer	(44)
(Some Mario Bro)	Study shows gamers more likely to drink, smoke weed, ignore friends	(134)
	Local man fights for his right to dress like Batman	(47)
	Two killed, seven injured in Liberty City shooting. Man given four stars, flees in stolen taxi to steal helicopter at airport	(47)
(Some Chick)	Dr. Scholl is gellin' like a felon	(60)
(Wish TV)	Highway workers find $200k in abandoned tire...Indiana State Police confirms $100k found in abandoned tire	(77)
	Things you can do with newspaper. You can also make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl	(98)
	Photoshop this winter walker	(69)
	Man fights pot charges stating that cannabis "increases ability to feel the presence of God."	(163)
	"A female-penned novel so pornographic that it has reportedly caused people to faint at public readings is to go on sale in Britain." In other news, a large number of Britons have yet to discover the internet	(135)
(Some Lazy Guy)	Woman walks 12 hours a day, to and from work, during bus strike	(165)
	Georgia rolls out new feline license plate for your Caturday driving pleasure, Cat-illac style	(550)
	News - Arsonists torch bar. Fark - Amateur arsonist sets fire to self. Ultrafark - Burning arsonist gets into getaway car and sets fire to that (news video, includes surveillance tape of arse-nist)	(46)
	Man fired for not using toilet paper, refusing to explain the whole three seashells thing	(106)
(Some Guy)	If you are an attorney representing juveniles try not to leave your thumb drive with the kiddie porn in the jury box, courts tend to frown on that	(21)
(Some Maine-iac)	Asking your girlfriend to marry you during a traffic stop isn't going to work, dumbass. What? Really? Only in Maine	(24)
	Brazilian amputee model dies at age 20. Investigators stumped at cause of death	(181)
(Some Guy)	Man considered $177,250 bank error 'a gift from God'	(81)
	Pro-tip: When transporting 235 pounds of cocaine with your family, try to settle on your story BEFORE getting pulled over	(41)
	Seattle named "Most Wired City" in US. It's good to see all that coffee isn't going to waste	(73)
	"If the farkin' Army wanted you to have babies, soldier, it would have issued you midwives. Oh, it did? Carry on"	(31)
	One thing is for certain: Reverend Ted Haggard loves penis	(192)

Fri January 23, 2009

(Some Guy)	Chicago area businesses to send pizzas and Schlitz beer to thousands of soldiers in Iraq. Haven't those troops suffered enough?	(123)
	In an attempt to extort more money in sexual harassment suit, women arranges to be sexually assaulted, which, it turns out, doesn't go all that well	(83)
	New Yorkers find out the hard way that biodiesel turns into biolard when it's cold. Where's global warming when you need it?	(114)
	Photoshop this Sleeping McBeauty	(62)
	British penguin afraid of water. Quick -- someone call Morgan Freeman	(33)
	Old and Busted - Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich. New hotness - dog's image appears on backyard grill	(40)
	Thankfully, they don't make cars like they used to	(127)
	This weeks TSG mugshot round up includes a narcissistic hottie a couple of yeah I'd woulds and the requisite WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? or two	(241)
	Bus carrying students from Christa McAuliffe Middle School bursts into flames. NASA currently investigating	(89)
	Best mug shot of a guy who had sex with a Raggedy Ann doll you'll see all day	(120)
	Money burning a hole in the pockets of your Italian cashmere suit? Looking for a new yacht, or Boeing 737? Check out the new luxury e-Bay	(39)
	Blagojevich's lead attorney quits: "I have practiced law for 44 years. I never require a client to do what I say, but I do require clients to listen to what I say"	(173)
	Goat detained over armed robbery	(44)
(You Debate)	Group of teenage girls says "It's cool to be sober." Surprisingly, one of them is actually kinda hot	(223)
(WLWT)	I'm no expert, but I would think having a distinctive facial tattoo would hinder your life of crime. Especially if the tattoo is "Fark You"	(104)
	British Bishop denies Holocaust, claims that only 200-300k died, and certainly not in gas chambers. The Pope called, he wants the cape and funny hat back. Now	(287)
(Some Guy)	When you return to your hotel to find the baby you left alone is missing and there's a note from the cops, the rest of your vacation is probably not going to be fun	(52)
	City cracking down on jaywalkers because of traffic-related deaths. Or could it the $49.50 to help in a slumping economy?	(51)
	Today's attempted murder of someone allergic to peanuts comes to you from Canada and a disgruntled guy who smeared peanut butter on his fiancees car door	(66)
	Las Vegas 10th Anniversary Fark Party Sunday 1pm with Drew at The Freakin Frog. Link goes to Fark travel page, feel free to add your favorite local spots	(60)
	Apparently if you sell designer flasks to young girls they might be tempted to put alcohol in it	(94)
	"Should your wife have guy-friends?" It's not news it's cnn	(842)
	Woman arrested for not returning library book. You know that little stamp, the one that says New York Public Library? Well, that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me	(165)
	Police break up road rage fight with a sushi chef, who was trying to create the first Staten Island roll on the other driver's face	(18)
	Even UFOs couldn't stay away from Obama's historic inauguration	(114)
	Alcohol and pay-per-view Ultimate Fighting Championship: What could go wrong?	(65)
	In remembrance of Andrew Wyeth, Photoshop "Christina's World"	(152)
	Caylee Anthony's grandfather found alive in hotel room with 6 page suicide note	(247)
	Chicago cracks down on people saving a shoveled-out parking space with chairs, cones, unwanted children, milk crates, old toilets, or other such detritus and jetsam	(189)
(ktvb.com)	1..0 t..h..o..u..s..a..n..d g..a..l..l..o..n..m o..l..a..s..s..e..s s..p..i..l..l	(93)
(Some Annoyed Guy)	Think signing up for the Do Not Call List means fewer telemarketing calls? Yeah, not so much	(243)
	The residents of Penistone, South Yorkshire would like you to stop mispronouncing the name of their town	(150)
	The musical quartet playing at the inauguration pulled a Milli Vanilli. Countdown to someone somewhere claiming that this means that Obama isn't president begins now	(229)
	Iceland burns in the aftermath of new Bjork video. Some also reportedly angered by complete economic collapse	(74)
	A gallery of "street art" taken a bit literally	(30)
	Actual Fox forum question: "Would you want terrorists in your back yard?"	(373)
(Advertizer)	Fifty percent of Australian women drink while pregnant, which explains a lot	(47)
	"Hi I'm Newt Gingrich and I won't take part in any online video". Except The High Five Inauguration	(49)
	Rednecks remove Conferderate flag just in time for the Super Bowl. Just kidding, they're hanging a new, improved version	(583)
	Hiding from homicide detectives is easy as long as you don't spit on the ground. The police are all over that	(38)
(Record Online (NY))	You know your presidency is a cultural phenomenon when the drug dealers name their latest variety of heroin after you	(151)
	Two people arrested for DWI in the same night for driving the same car (difficulty: one charged after failed attempt to park the car in the driveway)	(23)
(Northern Echo)	The squirrel attack was rated "moderate" on a scale of "insignificant" to "catastrophic"	(96)
(2news.tv)	Gym denies family discount to lesbian couple; which is especially outrageous, as no one wants to see fat lesbians together	(540)
(Some Guy)	Nanny state violates civil liberties yet again by denying a woman's right to allow her three-year old to smoke	(41)
(Some Guy)	This tag's for you Mr. "regular customer robs store and gets caught" guy	(21)
	"Hey, honey, remember how I proposed to you that day and we set the wedding for April 1st? Well, APRIL FOOOOOLS"	(133)
	Michigan governor and lawmakers endorse plan to reduce spending by releasing prisoners early. This should end well	(74)
(Some Minuteman)	Former Massachusetts state senator busted for groping and accosting multiple women claims charges are unconstitutional because "if a woman did it, she would not be charged"	(110)
	Maybe being a security guard at an art museum isn't the best profession if you are prone to slash the paintings that you don't like	(28)
	Girl Scout cookies now come in smaller boxes. Too... many... jokes, can't... continue	(182)
(MetroWest Daily News)	If you plan to flee the scene of an accident, try not to leave behind anything that might identify you, such as the front bumper of your car. Especially if your license plate is still attached to it	(23)
	New law to limit biker noise to 99db, also requires the motorcycles to be quieter	(268)
(Some Guy)	Grip tightened on sex ring; stiff charges promised	(91)
	If you're worried about being evicted from your squat, you could always kidnap a giant talking loaf of bread to get your point across	(20)
	College student has money stolen from his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wallet. That's like totally bogus, dude	(67)
(Some Guy)	Some things just aren't appropriate for kids to be exposed to. I'm looking at you, Hairy Guy Dressed as Wonder Woman	(47)
(KFVS)	Missouri authorities gamble that playing cards featuring missing persons will let inmates help them solve cold cases. My pair of Missing White Girls beats your full house of wandering Alzheimer's patients	(23)
	Three killed in knife attack at Belgium daycare	(244)
(Post-Tribune)	Real life word problem. If a man is three times over the limit after 15 hours, how drunk was he when he stopped? Show your work	(61)
	Educators trying to tackle cyberbullying, citing extreme risks of cyberwedgies, uninhibited poking, wanton de-friending	(85)
	DiePod	(202)
	"Threesome assault pastor defrocked". Well, he could hardly have joined in if he kept it on	(33)
	Meet the chicken who lays grapefruit sized eggs. With "that came out of me?" photo	(86)
(Some Guy)	Amish man will go to jail and 'read his Bible' before he brings his outhouses into sewage code compliance	(177)
	Photoshop this canal	(92)
	Luxury adventure holiday providers weathering the faltering world economy. Lower income folks risk taking by poking bears with sticks, drunk driving, or eating off the Hardee's dollar menu	(31)
(KPTV)	Portland, Ore. is sympathetic to their mayor during his recent sex scandal. Just kidding, local t-shirt company makes a funny t-shirt about it which is selling out. (With video goodness of t-shirt companies' hot owner)	(83)
	Nashville rejects English-only ordinance in a victory by speakers of authentic frontier gibberish	(345)
	Eighth grader invents transparent window stickers only birds can see to keep them from slamming into windows. Still no cure for bird poop	(167)
	Police find 44 stolen containers of deodorant stuffed down a man's pants. On the plus side, he's got the best smelling balls in jail	(40)
	It's a terrorist's dream: the personal aircraft. "You fly in non-complex airspace at relatively low speed." Help, Jane, stop this crazy thing	(92)
(Some Guy)	Inauguration deemed "the largest temporary toilet event in the history of the United States."	(69)
	Photoshop this fiesty mate preparing to fire	(63)
	Man tries to kill himself by driving Shaggy's and Scooby's van off a Colorado cliff, but crash landing on a rock wasn't part of the plan	(95)

Thu January 22, 2009

	Caption this picture of Obama on the phone	(229)
	Not news: Dude arrested for stealing three cars and crashing two of them in one night. News: While drunk. Fark: He's 13 years old	(41)
(ReasonPad.com)	Pics from the recovery of US Airways 1549 from Hudson River	(94)
(News4Jax)	Sam's Club supervisor orders employee to remove T-shirt with President Obama's portrait because one person complained	(357)
	Man spared jail time for abandoning 280 rats, because they were, um, rats	(103)
	Man murders his estranged wife after she changed her marital status on Facebook to "single", wouldn't stop sending Lil' Green Patch requests	(80)
	Missouri Neo Nazis allowed to participate in Adopt a Highway program. The group may need additional help since they have requested to only pick up white trash	(138)
(2009 Bloggies)	Fark.com up for a lifetime achievement Bloggie. Vote early, vote often	(106)
(10TV)	Step 1: steal car. Step 2: drink beer in stolen car. Step 3: swing by your AA office for a quick stop ...stop ...STOP	(21)
	NY landlord in deep shiat after removing tenant's toilet to get her to move out	(61)
	Student makes fun of Queen's guardsman. We were not amused. The Sun is there with video	(148)
(WPIX-TV)	BREAKING: Kirsten Gillibrand tapped by NY Gov. David Paterson to replace Hillary Clinton in US Senate	(207)
	Man fighting with his wife in a minivan in front of school grabs an empty beer bottle in the vehicle and hits her over the head (w/ a mugshot that will take a few beers to remove from your memory)	(50)
	Twenty bankrupt hippies set up a squat in a $25M townhouse: "The view is magic, especially at sunset"	(134)
(WWL TV)	Hot, hot housecleaner gets no jail time for sleeping with boys as young as 13. (w/ pic)	(237)
	If you take a cab in NYC and your credit card is declined, they're gonna take your shiat. You've been warned	(71)
	What not to say on a date. "Does this rag smell like chloroform?" surprisingly absent	(188)
	Galileo to get his eyes checked, 367 years after his death. And you thought your HMO sucked	(29)
	Islamic cleric claims Australians are all boozers hooked on prostitution and gambling. You say that like it's a bad thing	(78)
	Sheriff loses re-election, then files for unemployment claiming he was fired	(49)
	U.S. Marines ordered to stay clear of Tijuana. Won't someone think of the donkey shows?	(131)
(wmur)	Woman attacked by man claiming to be a cable guy. Her suspicions should have been aroused when the man arrived at the correct appointment time	(41)
	Would you throw these two cuties out of school for bleaching their hair?	(243)
	Ugly-ass baby bonobo rejected by its mother, flies to Germany to meet new mom, who apparently likes ugly-ass things	(39)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this bobsled	(56)
	Study finds cleaner air adds 5 months to your lifespan. Is that why everyone in Houston is dying by the age of 45	(96)
	Can you eat a 7 lb burrito?	(263)
	Not everyone had a good time on Tuesday. Meet the survivors of the Purple Tunnel of Doom	(136)
	Denver is filled with tons of bullshiat, which gives one man an idea	(45)
	Canadian student debt hits $13 billion. He probably shouldn't have bought so many rounds for the entire bar	(130)
	This really can't be stressed enough...If you're going to haul 200+ lbs of weed in your car, make sure your tag hasn't expired	(134)
	Snowball fight, that's an arrestin'	(152)
	Not really up on this whole "threat" business, Hugo Chavez tells Venezuelans either they let him seek re-election forever or he'll leave office in 2013	(227)
(Some Guy)	Proof that there is justice in the universe... Those Hummer drivers are 463% more likely to get a ticket than the rest of us	(363)
	Fire breaks out at Mount Sinai Hospital, begins talking to Moses	(62)
	University of Florida emergency text message..."The monkey got out of the cage"...EVERYBODY PANIC	(125)
(WXVT.com)	Scientist at the Arkansas Earthquake Center says a newly discovered fault in Arkansas could cause a major earthquake, devastating Arkansas, Tennessee and Mississippi, causing hundreds of dollars in damage	(136)
	50 years ago today, beer drinkers became able to crush a can on their foreheads. Thank you Coors	(98)
	Man arrested for the 190th time. Only 10 more to go and he gets a free 6 inch sub at Subway	(65)
	If you allow a friend to verify the validity of winning $20k winning lottery ticket, there's a good chance you'll never see the ticket again	(88)
	Dalmation takes a break from playing poker, learns to ride bicycle (with video)	(46)
	Job ad: "Wanted: Webmaster for anti-smoking organization. Must be a non-smoker" Smoker's rights group: "Wa--cough Wait a min-- wheeze minute"	(388)
	Gas station sells winning lottery ticket, then owner fires employees so he won't have to share commission with them. Man, the owner must have power balls to pull something like that	(249)
	There are safe places to store $20,000 in cash. Your unlocked SUV is not one of them	(36)
	In Texas, you murder someone when your daughter doesn't make the cheerleading squad, In Oklahoma, you just taser them	(69)
	Homeless ministry gives full pedicures to homeless people. Then they go back to sleeping outside under a bridge, and pooping in a jar. But look at their beautiful feet	(104)
	World Series ticket scalper alleges St. Louis police confiscated his tickets and gave them to friends, along with a $2000 convenience fee that they conveniently forgot to include on his arrest report	(132)
	No, really it's just a coincidence that we have released the "Sasha" and "Malia" Beany Babies at the crescendo of Obamamania. But, pretty good timing, eh? (w/cute as a button pics)	(121)
	Ten best Scotch whiskies not sold in purple velvet bags. It's not news, it's public service in the finest journalistic tradition	(457)
	"I, you know, informed Governor Paterson today, you know, um, that for personal reasons, you know, I am withdrawing my name, um, you know, from consideration for the, er, you know, United States Senate" Okay, so NOW it's official	(269)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these dashboards	(33)
	Couple gets married five times in one year. Some people are just gluttons for punishment	(39)
	On Tuesday morning Luke Song was a little-known Detroit milliner, by noon he'd become the Fashion Criminal Behind Aretha Franklin's Hat	(162)
	"They lost one of our bags," Mike Kuntz said	(109)
	Old and busted: Smuggling drugs by plane. New hotness (but still busted): Drug smuggling submarines	(68)
	Swedish parents denied right to call their son "Q", and all the gadgets in the world won't save them	(82)
	"Ceramic wielding family confront burglar with feet of clay". Dorfl unavailable for comment	(60)
(Some Guy)	Think your cable bill is a bit much? Wait til you see how much you're paying for Bill Clinton's	(114)
	First they came for the music teachers, now the garbage men have to wear earmuffs. Hopefully it'll be something pink and fluffy	(17)
	Supreme Court declares porn censorship unconstitutional, demands everyone leaves for 15-20 halfway through ruling to re-examine the evidence	(109)
	Maintenance error kills 15 sharks at Indianapolis Zoo. Surviving shark tells zookeepers "suck my diiiiiiiiiiiick"	(57)
	Brazilian Miss World finalist has bad urinary tract infection. Really bad	(187)
	About Caroline Kennedy leaving the NY Senate race: not so much, y'know. 2:00AM UPDATE: wait, she's back out. Stay tuned for additional reversals	(66)
	Labrador voted best dog for 18th straight year. Your loser dog wants a recount	(256)
	You at age 12: Getting into heated arguments about whether Batman could kick Superman's ass. This kid at 12: KO'ing a cop with his bare hands and outrunning K-9s for several blocks	(133)
	Photoshop this art gallery	(81)
	Theme of Farktography Contest No. 194: "Take Three" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme	(108)

Wed January 21, 2009

	To save money, upscale hotel chains are removing free bottles of hand lotion from rooms. Which is a smart move, because it will also mean savings on tissue usage, and cleaning stains off of the comforters, walls, and ceilings	(162)
(Some Florida Guy)	Florida interstate shut down for hours after semi truck dumps 200 kegs of beer on to road leaving dozens of motorists stranded, sober	(41)
	Five. Five thousand. Five thousand dollar reward for information leading to the arrest of Omaha Subway robber	(80)
	Her plan unraveled when she appeared at her own funeral service, claiming to be her own long-lost identical twin sister	(68)
	The Coast Guard wants boaters and pilots to know that after Feb. 1 they will only respond to your digital distress call	(55)
	"Days since murder on campus" counter at Virginia Tech resets to 0	(90)
(LA Weekly)	Wil Wheaton reflects on fatherhood. Excuse me, the wind blew something into my eyes	(133)
	News Corp handled today's white powder scare at the Wall St. Journal in a calm and orderly fashion--by evacuating the execs and editors and leaving everyone else to pretty much fend for themselves	(38)
(Some Guy)	Bad: You lose your dog. Worse: While looking for your dog you lock your keys in your running car parked on a river. Fark: Heat from the car melts the ice and it sinks into the river. Farkest: The car was a loaner	(54)
	If you're planning on giving the police who've just arrested you a false home address, try not to pick one of theirs	(35)
	Yes, hello, I'd like to request Celine Dio...CRASH	(86)
	ACLU sues Minnesota public school for promoting Islam	(164)
	Expect a baby boom nine months from now because of so many people "celebrating" Obama's inauguration	(219)
	If you feel like doing some burnouts with your car, don't do it in front of the police academy. This goes double if you're growing pot at your house	(27)
	To the great surprise of absolutely no one, British government taps "emergency" contingency fund to the tune of $633 million to pour down the 2012 London Black Hole, er, Olympic Games	(39)
	Who didn't see this coming? Polygamist's defence is "hey, if gay marriage is okay, so is marrying a bunch of 15 year olds"	(263)
	Sonar has detected something 16 feet long and 8 feet wide in the Hudson River. Officials trying to determine if it's the engine from US 1549 or Wynonna Judd	(86)
	New international effort hopes to eradicate polio in next 4 years. No, this is not a repeat from 1955	(78)
	The case of the Portsmouth, NH door locks being glued is an open and shut case. OK, mainly just shut	(16)
	Nazi doctor Josef Mengele created 'town of twins' in South America. Who the hell knew 'The Boys From Brazil' was a documentary? (pic)	(141)
	Exxon CEO says gas prices are too low. Also thinks kittens are ugly and beer is bad	(117)
	Canadian politeness hits new heights as Ontario man thoughtfully pulls his car over to the shoulder so he can die without inconveniencing anyone	(80)
	When you call three judges who reverse your malpractice verdict a jackass, a Nazi leader, and the wife of Adolf Hitler, you probably shouldn't expect the appeals court judges to give you a favorable ruling	(40)
	You know the drought is bad when a lake bed catches fire... twice	(48)
	Half of all smokers are even dumber than you think they are	(616)
	Former French president Jacques Chirac hospitalized after being mauled by a "clinically depressed" poodle. This is why we make fun of you, France	(127)
	Doctors revive woman found frozen in a snowbank. Reportedly our strange flying machines frighten and confuse her	(72)
	The downside to hiding from the cops underneath a parked truck is that it doesn't always stay parked forever	(56)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this fair pair	(42)
	Ancient Greek homes doubled as pubs and brothels	(89)
	Nanny State forbids private citizens from operating their own CCTV cameras in public places because it infringes privacy and violates data protection laws	(174)
	Chicago alderman using the old "I didn't use the bathroom for 7 hours therefore I wasn't drunk" defense in response to being arrested for DUI	(53)
	Scottish Catholics upset over use of 'The Hokey Pokey', citing anti-Catholic roots. Son of songwriter comes forward, admits it's just a song about cocaine. That's what it's all about	(118)
	French President Nicolas Sarkozy is an avid taint-flexer. He's lost 9 pounds and slimmed two pants sizes, but brother, you don't want to see what his boxers look like	(91)
	Iowa lawmakers want to lower the alcohol limit to .08 for boaters, but keep it at .10 for motorists	(94)
	Bucks County PA to host streetlight convention this weekend. Be enlightened	(66)
(WoodTV)	Buffalo is running out of chicken wings. EVERYBODY PANIC	(171)
	Restaurant owner forbids manager to hold after-hour Bible study classes with her subordinates to avoid sexual harassment charges	(132)
	Abandoned ugly-ass lemur... aw, who am I kidding? It's just the cutest darn thing you'll ever see	(78)
	72-year-old Indiana man raises $1,600 for charity by having shaggy eyebrows trimmed. He's absolutely shocked at the amount he raised, or at least now he appears to be	(74)
(Some Guy)	This year's front runner for hottest teacher busted for underage sex comes to you from Vernon Parish, Louisiana	(324)
	Guy leaving liquor store backs up into parked car, then smashes into store window, through a fence, into a wall, another window, and finally a tree. No word if alcohol was involved	(39)
	Couple win compensation because there are no herds of majestic wildebeest in Cardiff	(54)
	It takes a real idiot to make counterfeit $100 bills using a printer purchased at a discount store, but it takes even bigger idiots in eight cities to accept the bills before the culprit is caught	(112)
	Amazingly, China doesn't want Obama to reverse Bush's lucrative deals that have shipped millions of jobs to their country instead of ours	(538)
	Case of the magic cheese shocks France. There's a cream that will clear that right up for them	(18)
	Happy squirrel appreciation day. Have you hugged a large-nut squirrel today?	(106)
	World's toughest cop chases down suspect despite having his eyeball impaled by a six-inch branch. With pics of cop and pierced eyeball	(105)
	Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, is looking for a new police commander after the last one lost his head after only four days in office	(379)
	Cleanup crew from Hurricance Ike finds a box with $50 in Confederate currency, war medals and Bea Arthur's prom dress	(58)
(Drew)	10th Anniversary Fark Parties: now with more Las Vegas (1/25), Vancouver (2/2), Pasadena (2/5), Bay Area (2/8), Lexington (2/13), and DC (2/20\|\|21) goodness	(155)
	Seniors theater group almost makes "Of Mice and Men" rehearsal into "The Crow"	(69)
	Government orders workers to adhere to strict daily exposure limits and wear safety gear or lose their jobs. Sounds normal for nuclear plant workers, but this is for music teachers	(108)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop Asian happy fun balls class	(55)
(Some Guy)	If you stole the jaws of life from the Highland Home, AL fire dept, when you're done uploading some awesome YouTube video, the police would like a word with you	(49)
	Canadian judge to wannabe-gangsta: "Grow up"	(185)
	Ugly-ass orphaned baby lamb given wool sweater to deal with the cold. Awww	(59)
	Germany's government bans the synthetic marijuana-like drug known as "Spice", authorizes giant sandworm hunt	(222)
	You know those signs in bathrooms designed to show complete retards how to wash their hands? Well, USA Today just reprinted one of those and called it an article. It's not news... seriously, it's not news	(186)
	Kentucky does not rule the Internet after all. Drew reported inconsolable, begins new plan for world domination	(80)
	When he informed them that he was a stripper, two female officers watched Mr Kennedy perform his act, before arresting him for impersonating a police officer. He has just been cleared of all charges... for the 22nd time	(67)
	Marijuana grower gets narced on by his 11-month old son, whose name will be changed to "snitches are biatches"	(130)
	With over a million guests in DC yesterday, police report no arrests, no serious injuries, no significant property damage, and 30 lost children returned to their parents	(279)
	With no Missing White Girls™ currently in the news, CNN digs up one from 25 years ago	(68)
(Some Guy)	Flight attendant sues when she's denied a flight for not being dressed provocatively enough. Bonus: she changed clothes but was too late for the flight	(95)
	New Zealand PM's to-do list: 1. Go to work. 2. Fall down stairs, break arm. 3. Hand out rugby awards, shake hands with 120 rugby players. 4. Go to hospital	(28)
	The two fishermen who survived 25 days at sea in an icebox? Yeah, maybe not so much	(37)
	Man tells police the $2100 in cash in his wallet came from mowing lawns. His story might be believable considering he had an open bottle of Michelob Ultra in his truck	(61)
	Today's story of a postal worker renting a storage unit to stash mail brought to you by Howell, MI	(113)
(Some Guy)	Man tries to use the failing economy to dupe people into buying vehicles he rented. Somehow methinks he didn't think his cunning plan all the way through	(21)
	Woman can't call out for her dog that ran away at night because of strict noise ordinance. Dog gets hit by car. "You can keep looking for her, but you have to do it quietly."	(135)
	Obama freezes Guantanamo Bay for 120 days	(992)
	Sword-wielding burglar relieves couple of their marijauna. There can be only... dude, I forgot how many there can be	(24)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this menacing man	(74)
(Some Guy)	If you get in a fight with your dad over a brownie, and smashing him in the mouth with his cane doesn't make you feel better, go ahead and burn his house down	(28)
(Lincoln Star Journal)	Some people handle a break-up a lot differently than you and I. This 24-year old knocks on doors looking for 62-year old grannies to have threesomes (with mugshot)	(95)

Tue January 20, 2009

	On a test track, under a bridge, in a parking lot and twelve other strange places automakers are stashing thousands of unsold cars	(150)
	Wanted: Doctor for remote Scottish village. Upside: You'll be paid $120,000-a-year and have a great view. Downside: The locals will probably fry your scallywaggles and eat them	(71)
(Some Guy)	Mississippi wants to join Alabama by putting disclaimers on evolution textbooks; "No one was present when life first appeared on earth. Therefore, any statement about life's origins should be considered a theory,"	(897)
	News: British customs officers arrest South African Airways flight crew members after finding cannabis and cocaine in baggage at Heathrow. Fark: the entire flight crew including the pilot	(51)
	Eaten out lately? You may be one of the over 100 million credit card transactions compromised by spyware at a payment processor	(126)
	Saddam's luxury yacht arrives in Iraq. Will be renamed Barack Throat Warbler Mangrove	(64)
	Nanny state coastguard ordered to "fill in the relevant forms" before attempting to save anyone's life	(77)
	For some reason, neighbors don't like that somebody erected a six-foot wiener in his front yard. "I'm not a slob. I'm a collector."	(50)
	Man, sick of waiting for passengers to get off plane, decides to open up emergency wing exit to get off Delta flight. Jailarity ensues	(96)
	Man breaks out a gun after a football won't get off his lawn	(50)
	British children spend twice as much time in front of TV and computer screens dominated by commercial messages than they do in school. This headline brought to you by ShamWow	(63)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop these hockey fans	(47)
	Researchers say children as young as five should be taught pleasure of gay sex, to stop homophobia in later years. Who could possibly have a problem with that?	(256)
(The Collegian)	"Women want the dick, even when they say 'no.' They want the dick." -Colorado State University Police Chief Dexter Yarbrough	(287)
(Some Fry Guy)	72-year-old retires after 39 years. At McDonald's	(115)
	Arranging for sex with someone you think is an underage girl on the internet is never a good idea..especially if you're the mayor of a Milwaukee suburb	(263)
	Headline: Woman hit by train. Third sentence: "She was not hit by a train"	(83)
	"Speedball" brand beer may be banned in UK because it might confuse people into thinking that beer killed John Belushi and River Phoenix	(34)
	If even the judge at your burglary trial mocks you as "singularly inept" after police haul your naked ass out of a chimney, chances are you're not on track to become a criminal mastermind	(26)
	A kidney stone that even the strongest sparrow would have trouble carrying	(146)
	Ding He's done	(123)
	Senator Ted Kennedy evacuated from inaugural luncheon after collapse/convulsions	(893)
	If you're wearing a bra full of cocaine, maybe it's not such a good idea to show up at a gas station and start shovin' people. Just sayin	(54)
	Quit smoking. Your pets will thank you	(230)
	Cow goes person-tipping on unsuspecting cyclist	(83)
	Ugly-ass baby rhino is so ugly-ass that it's abandoned by its own mother	(47)
	London man accused of hacking NASA and DOD computers says he was looking for streetlights	(113)
	Man with samurai sword is arrested after going all feudal on his girlfriend	(73)
	Grandma accused of biting baby falls back on the classic "I ain't got enough teeth" defense	(45)
(Daily Iowan)	In an effort to curb Iowa City's epic drinking problem the city council may vote to allow random breath-testing of bar employees and bands performing at local bars. Dishwashers, base players, the ACLU not amused	(147)
	UN: Stop using white phosphorous grenades, they're illegal. Israel: What phosphorous grenades? UN: The ones you use in this video on civilians	(795)
	When the police find you passed out at a traffic light with your car still in gear, there's probably not much chance you're going to avoid a sobriety test	(24)
	Seaman discharged after tea-bagging incident	(49)
	Armed man threatens to attack woman. Enter the eight-year-olds with baseball bats	(74)
	NTSB says records show that 2 days before crash the US Airways plane suffered what is probably an unrelated problem that likely didn't contribute at all to the crash but we're out of hero pilot stories	(51)
	A US citizen caused delays to a Turkish Airlines flight between Istanbul and New York after complaining that there were "Arab-types" on board	(138)
	Teacher avoids jail time for sex with 15-year-old student after one of the parents testifies that "[the encounter] had not had any long-term psychological affect on him". (w/pic)	(109)
(Change.gov)	It's time for Photoshop you can believe in. Gussy up this rather staid official Presidential portrait of Barack Obama	(118)
	LAPD officials say cops at a mob scene should not put on their riot helmets because the gear might escalate passions among the demonstrators. One officer in the hospital with head wounds has a problem with that policy	(45)
(Some Blockhead)	It's the Barack Obama Inauguration Speech bingo drinking game. Or, if you're a conservative, just chug a bottle of vodka and pass out until tomorrow	(162)
	Inauguration thread II: Presidential Boogaloo	(2620)
(AC Press)	If you're in the country illegally & have warrants out for your arrest, you might want to lay off the "bomb in my luggage" remarks when in the casino	(9)
(Haaretz)	Israel recruits 'army of bloggers' to combat anti-Zionist blogs. Troops divided into Cheetos Cavalry, Bacon Battalion and various Squads of Internet Tough Guys	(147)
	Todays mysterious apparition of the Virgin Mary is brought to by Billings, Montana, and a chunk of agate	(54)
(BSU\|DN)	Study looks into what college students view as warning signs for dangerous parties. If you're wondering why no girls are coming to your dilapidated, poorly lit house, here's your answer	(64)
	Ugly-ass albino hedgehog rescued from certain death in the wild (pics not safe for diabetics)	(51)
	MP corporal moonlights as $150/hour bisexual hooker. You'd hit it, but not for $150 an hour	(120)
	Because Obama's ancestry can be traced to William the Lion of Scotland, there are calls for an Obama-themed kilt... because you can't hide your Lion thighs	(111)
	It's Inauguration Day. If you bet that Bush would make up a crisis to take over the country, you can take off your tinfoil hat. If you think Obama is a secret Muslim out to destroy the country, put yours on now(Closed)	(1120)
	Robber: "Give me all your money, I have a knife." Clerk: "That's not a knife, THIS is a knife." Robber: "Yeah? Well THIS is suntan lotion"	(43)
	Brits are forcing themselves to eat horrific-tasting food. Thankfully in the UK it's readily available	(115)
	Caption this legless Glenn Close	(80)
(Some Guy)	"I drove up and down the street three times -- where is my house?" Detroit's massive fail	(106)
	Everyone who said that the stalking jacket lady story was just viral advertising, give yourselves a nice big pat on the back	(69)
	God gets medieval on al-Qaeda's ass	(168)
	Unless you are Rambo, Robin Hood, Legolas, or one of them there Duke boys, don't bring a bow and arrow to a gunfight	(95)
	America plans to rid itself of vampires with synthetic sex hormones, rather than the more traditional Hot Topic burnings	(39)
	Illinois man crowned king of Elvis impersonators, gets $3,200 - fried peanut butter and banana sandwich	(23)
	Canadian agricultural industry trying to promote farming as a desirable career choice for young people. "We have to set a positive example and make it sexy"	(60)
	Raise your voice while on a plane? Terrorism. Making out on a plane? Terrorism. Punish your kids while on a plane? You'd better believe that's terrorism	(211)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this serious student	(52)
	The world's largest hanging basket put up outside a London hotel. Resembles Vanessa Hudgens	(57)
	Kiwi survives nine days stranded in Shania Twain's bush. That don't impress me much	(78)
	Dick Cheney's master plan of destroying the economy so people would have to join the military for jobs is now coming to fruition	(187)

Mon January 19, 2009

	Just to be clear: It's OK to sleep naked... but NOT OK to sleep naked on a stranger's sofa? Got it. Won't happen again	(65)
	7-year-old with worst last name ever gets her playground repaired	(218)
	School censors "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" because of one complaint. Bonus: None of the board members read it	(250)
	Man manufactures home-brewed sodas in flavors like cucumber and mavi tree bark. "They may sound weird, but once people try them, it's like, `Wow, this is really good.'"	(90)
	UPS driver proves that on top of packages, he's also pretty good at delivering a baby	(55)
	Tanning salon now offers extra crispy in addition to original recipe	(51)
	German woman missing for 12 years found alive, living in Swiss woods	(65)
	Photoshop this lovely lagoon	(67)
	Kids are pretty good at hide-and-seek, so keep that in mind the next time you're hiding under a bed to avoid an arrest warrant with a 4-year-old around	(52)
	A friend's 10 year old son made this	(131)
	Motorist beats 98mph speeding charge...after proving that his 14-year-old car has a top speed of 85mph. Well played my man	(108)
(Inside SoCal)	Somedays you just gotta block all the lanes on the freeway so your buddies can do motorcycle stunts	(184)
	Two dead in 40 car pileup on Interstate 70 in Maryland	(138)
(Kalamazoo News)	Giving a whole new meaning to the term "career student". Man has been a full or part-time student for over fifty years earning twenty-seven college degrees	(154)
	31 photos that show the preparations for Obama's inauguration are all set	(199)
	IEAE in 2007 "There is no evidence at all that Iran is building any nuclear weapons." 2009 "Iran will have a nuke in six months."	(523)
	Detroit Institute of Arts cancels three upcoming exhibits because they are Baroque	(58)
	Man speaks nonstop for 124 hours, narrowly beating world record previously held by your wife	(99)
	Crew of downed US Airways plane asks media to leave them alone, gestures politely to the clearly-marked exits	(104)
	Try pronouncing this dog breed that's "making a comeback": Norrbottenspets (Oh, and some are being sold for only $1,800)	(423)
(Drew)	Headlines Of The Week and Drew's latest It's Not Fark It's News summary. Now with less Loretabs	(58)
	Day 24: Still floating in icebox, still no sign of land, losing hope. Geoff looks more and more like giant bratwurst	(72)
	Fed up with hoping that they'll turn into Princes, two Indian girls cut out the middlemen and just marry the frogs directly	(33)
	Seaman having problems handling their wood, it got a little rough and they spilt their load everywhere	(31)
	Worst Jail EVAR -- inmates were able to unlock their cells by sticking their fingers in the keyhole. Deputy Barney Fife unavailable for comment	(54)
	In addition to running the country, now Obama's responsible for "redefining the male physique." Give the poor guy a break already	(277)
(Some Guy)	Photoshop this sultry swing	(52)
	Gas prices jump 3 cents in 3 days. Using this data, by this time next year, gas will be $5.49/gallon next year. EVERYBODY PANIC	(128)
	Remember that $4/gallon gas? You just spent a $1 billion to rebuild Gaza	(215)
	New prosecutor looks at Jon Benet Ramsey case; won't be out attention-whored by previous prosecutors	(70)
	Woman kidnaps washing machine repairman after multiple failed repair attempts. She's his number one fan	(51)
(Albany Times Union)	Man tries to return reassembled lobster	(95)
	Woman arrested for battery with a deadly bagel. Don't laugh, those lox can hurt	(42)
(CentreDaily)	School nurses have to deal with patients medical problems, such as: "I think my sister has the weasels." and "I had a crustacean on my eye."	(71)
	$1 million found during traffic stop. Officers say the $800,000 was found in a duffle bag. The suspect attempted to flee, leaving behind the $650,000, which was confiscated by police	(119)
	Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream (video)	(402)
(kenosha news)	Among the many "Notorious" movie fiascos around the country, Kenosha, Wisconsin had a group of 200 brawlers, a 16-year-old getting tased and men stripping off shirts to fight in below zero winter weather	(389)
(Some Guy)	Mother-of-the-year candidate loans car to friend, leaves 1-year-old in back seat. Friend drives to crack house to score some drugs, leaves engine running. Car thief takes car, dumps 1-year-old in yard of random house, trades car for drugs	(121)
	Man banned from bowling club for showing off his pin and balls. That's just nuts(Not safe for work-ish pic)	(39)
(Some Guy)	Australian sentenced to three years in prison for insulting the son of the King of Thailand, whose mother is apparently a whore	(111)
	Artist hosts exhibition of his artwork, and then notices that some of the works on display were complete fakes. Hilarity, impromptu dance routine ensue	(21)
	A report on regulations for breeding dogs and cats is being looked at by the Maine Legislature. I was OK with them living together, but this is too much	(25)
	Black box from Flight 1549 confirms thumping sounds, loss of engines, and 155 pairs of pants being soiled simultaneously	(137)
(Star-Bulletin)	79-year-old crashes experimental homebuilt plane, only hurts his finger slightly thanks to experimental adamantium-infused skeleton	(19)
	According to this judge, students can't go and call administrators names on their private Myspace/Facebook, if so, kiss your extra curriculars. Hurt feelings; killing your rights since 2007	(199)
	Gun control has been so effective in England that students are wearing "stab vests" to school	(189)
	Houston to hold two separate, but equal MLK parades today	(37)
	Hot Swedish blondes are smoking earlier than other blondes	(119)
(Some Guy)	Man gets stabbed in the chest, returns to the bar to finish his beer	(35)
(The London Paper)	If it's really true love then you won't let a little thing like her death in a car crash prevent you from marrying your fiancee	(36)
	Swedish court sends woman to treatment for Coke addiction	(35)
	Vancouver homeless who tried to warm themselves under wooden section of key commuter bridge inadvertently set it aflame, closing bridge for up to six weeks	(109)
	Man finds injured lizard gaffer taped to his car, attempts to correct the reptile dysfunction	(47)
	Mother decides not to tell her son his guinea pig died. CNN is there	(102)
	This may be the last stand for the wild orangutan and most people still can't pronounce its name correctly	(75)
	Court sets new precedent that if you're a bar-owner and someone in your establishment is drunk, you are legally obligated to steal his keys	(70)
	Why you should forget your first love	(268)
(Brisbane Times)	Completely objective study finds that polite British people died on the Titanic while asshole Americans pushed their way into lifeboats	(128)
(Cudahy Now)	Do not visit the local post office to declare you are "going postal" while dropping off packages marked with nothing but the word "CAUTION"	(35)
	You know things are getting bad when the word being officially used to describe Australia's economy is "buggered"	(75)