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Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun January 11, 2009
| (Some Maine-iac) |  |
In New Hampshire, the fewer numbers you use on your license plate, the more you pay for it. You can't afford 0 so don't even ask | (28) |
| (Canton Repository) |  |
79-year-old Ohio man gets his GED. "I felt I was being discriminated against just because I didn't have a piece of paper" | (34) |
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Bernie Madoff accused of bilking his own sister. I thought that only happened in the South | (27) |
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In these time of unrest, more and more people are finding comfort in astrology. "What I do is about as far removed from the horoscopes you read in newspapers as you can imagine" | (80) |
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Man takes 26 years to solve Rubik's Cube. "'I have had wrist and back problems from spending hours on it but it was all worth it. When I clicked that last bit into place and each face was a solid colour, I wept" | (108) |
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Slow news day: Farmer unearths potato shaped like a person. Fark: with bonus "weird vegetables of the world" gallery and smiley face drawn on said potato | (52) |
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Authorities are on the lookout for the world's biggest "Beverly Hills Ninja" fan | (11) |
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Teen sends 14,528 txt msgs 2 her bff Jill. In one month. AT&T surrenders | (257) |
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Hospital forced to widen the maternity ward doors by 4-inches because of an increasing number of obese mothers. "It causes problems and it's not very dignified for patients." | (90) |
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Bush defends harsh interrogation tactics. This is in no way a plug for his favorite network's best TV show that happens to be kicking off its seventh season tonight. Besides, Bush is RUNNING OUT OF TIME | (195) |
| (Daily Bulletin) | |
Newspaper provides a handy guide on where to find teen prostitutes & pimp-networking sites, but first a message from Officer Obvious; "Pimps don't like to be messed with" | (57) |
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Despite a deepening recession, lottery sales are on the rise on news that people hate being poor | (76) |
| (Some NOAA guy) |  |
Photoshop this sea urchin chillin' in Hawaii | (42) |
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You're low on cash, and you wanna get high. What's a sixth grader to do? | (76) |
| (Buzzfeed) |  |
In which a man attempts to take a picture of himself and his cats | (90) |
| (Some Guy in a trailer) | |
$28 million dollar house burns. Three hun-dred six-ty five de-grees | (117) |
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If you're going to complain about poor service and food quality at a restaurant, make sure there isn't a video recording of you enjoying your meal | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
60 vehicle pileup in Derry snow complete with women's hockey team, group of boy scouts, and all the other characters you'd expect from Stephen King's favorite town. Officials cannot identify a cause | (49) |
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Ugly-ass baby western lowland gorilla born at National Zoo (w/ pic that Facebook would remove) | (19) |
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"The world will never be safe until Scrabble is banned. Board games do not bring a family closer together. They rip out its heart in a seething cauldron of rage" | (150) |
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UC Santa Cruz researchers studying Bay Area cougars "including mating habits, favored prey, survival needs, and travel routes" hope to collar the cougars so humans can track them, noting that cougars can be a threat to public safety | (92) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Lawyer tries to blackmail ex-girlfriend into emailing him naked pictures of her by threatening to send DVD of them having sex to her husband. Does so while at Disney World with his wife and two kids | (45) |
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Which of the following is most accurate: A.) Lawyers are ruining America, B.) Lawyers have already ruined America, or C.) This headline offends me and I'm filing a lawsuit against you | (125) |
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Facing impending ice age, world leaders call for new efforts to stop global warming | (253) |
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Britain eliminated from maps of Europe. Good | (100) |
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And so, inevitably, it has come to this: "Cute Things Falling Asleep." It's not news, it's TIME.com | (67) |
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Hyundai takes coveted Car of the Year award. At the Detroit auto show. GM vows revenge, threatens to unleash their vast armies of auto engineers to re-engineer kimchi | (152) |
| (Parade) | |
Reason #421 why casinos are great: Las Vegas has a 53% heart attack survival rate because of all the casino security cameras, as opposed to 16% in Seattle, and 2% in Chicago, where all the cameras are being used to catch crooked politicians | (67) |
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Landslide cuts off 200 people in Index. Something needs to be done, however officials are having difficulty sorting it all out | (37) |
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Latest Global Warming concern is computers and the internet. Take that Mr "I Invented The Internet" | (271) |
| (Joystiq) | |
Not news: Guy writes a computer game by himself. News: Stages 100 day web-cam sit-in to get official Nintendo DS development kit. Fark: Trashes his room and fakes his own death at day 30 | (131) |
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Just in case the logo and the list of ingredients aren't clear enough, Cadburys will now be putting large "CONTAINS MILK" warnings on their chocolate bars. Their MILK chocolate bars | (89) |
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State Department threatens disciplinary actions against employees because so many of them use the "reply to all" function on large distribution lists that it nearly shut down their system completely | (91) |
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Obese Americans fear the development of a nutritional Nanny State on this side of the pond | (231) |
| (Some Krusty) | |
Photoshop this sculpture of balloons | (69) |
| (Argus Leader) | |
Chainsaw massacres not really as messy as in movies, says the best research paper you'll see this year: "Blood and Tissue Spatter Associated With Chainsaw Dismemberment" | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Somehow, I don't think your girlfriend will have the same appreciation for the red LED circuit board heart that you will | (92) |
| (KSL TV) |  |
Moose using helicopters to stage airborne invasion of Colorado (with video) | (35) |
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Joe Biden visits Afghanistan, surprising Afghan and US officials who didn't know Amtrak goes there | (47) |
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"I expose myself when I'm drunk" | (62) |
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Work accident leaves Comcast installer dangling 100 feet up. 911 puts him on hold, says problem's on his end, offers useless "solutions," eventually sends firefighters | (52) |
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Welcome to YouTube, where the men are men, the women are men, and the thirteen-year old girls are vigilantes waiting to expose you as a pedophile | (187) |
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German experts to help Egypt stop smuggling through tunnels into Gaza. Because if there's anyone who knows about stopping tunnels leading into and out of camps, it's the Germans | (86) |
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If you saw your cousin being attacked by a shark, would you have the balls to paddle out to it on a surfboard and punch it in the nose? If you answered yes, you might be an Australian | (60) |
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Rivalry between lifeguards and lifesavers costs four lives | (24) |
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Norfolk County Council is warning drinkers about counterfeit vodka, which can be spotted by the telltale 'vodak' on the label | (16) |
| (Reading Chronicle) | |
You may think your Saturday sucked, but at least you weren't run through with a manure-stained pitchfork by a teenage girl | (59) |
| (Epoch Times) | |
Ant farmer kills herself because of bankruptcy. I for one welcome bankruptcy | (74) |
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90 years ago this week, 21 Bostonians were killed and 150 injured by a great wave... of molasses. Ah, the sweet release of death  |
(44) |
| (Courier Times) | |
If you rob a bank and flee in a cab, it's a bad idea to take the same cab the next day, wearing the same clothes | (8) |
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Indonesian ferry carrying 250 people sinks | (73) |
| (WWdN) |  |
Wil Wheaton just bought his first Fark headline t-shirt | (115) |
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The most remarkable thing about this dog show story is a pic that proves owners look like their dogs and vice versa | (11) |
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A Nanny State pub bans Dennis-the-Menace-style shirts. Somewhere, Mr. Wilson is smiling | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this dude in his cave looking at his, uh, speleological thingies | (49) |
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This woman was drunk when she took her driving test. Hmmm. One word: PASS | (62) |
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Atlanta transit riders celebrate 'No Pants Day 2K9' (with safe for work pantless in public pics) | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
County Sheriff gives all his employees Christmas day off. Not only does hilarity ensue, he learns that the true meaning of "not news" is fark | (37) |
Sat January 10, 2009
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Swede makes a hotel out of a 747. It's plane to see that this idea will take off and be a runway hit | (40) |
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If you're going to rob a bank wearing a ski mask, you might as well cut in line. No, really, go ahead, it's cool | (26) |
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WoMn who popularized miniskirt says: "Everybody loves it, everybody loves wearing it, it makes people feel happy somehow" (pic) | (71) |
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Nanny state gives photographer 5-hour timeout for taking a picture of an office building adjacent to a police station | (48) |
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Scrubs are gross. Just like the show | (151) |
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Dumb: Teacher has sex with junior high student. Dumber: Sends nekid photos to her cell phone. Duke grad dumb: Shows cop videos of them playing hide the diploma | (55) |
| (KTUU-TV) | |
Three-time sex offender wins half a million in a raffle to help sex abuse victims | (75) |
| (Sierra Vista Herald) | |
Arizona speed cameras reprogrammed not to write tickets for 65 in a 55 because the state doesn't make enough money off that speed | (80) |
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Just exactly how old is Istanbul? That's nobody's business but the Turks... until now | (69) |
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Not News: Sea gulls attack tourists, defecate on them and try to steal ice cream. Still Not News: Man fends them off with such enthusiasm that one has to be put down. Fark: He is charged with "animal cruelty." | (85) |
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Oh yes, Obama did eat a big ole' half smoke when he made a surprise appearance at Ben's Chili Bowl | (149) |
| (Fenland Citizen) | |
Burglar gets beaten off by 94-year-old man, now knows how all those choirboys feel | (24) |
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"Cure fo Cancer" from Acme on backorder | (23) |
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The "Joy of Sex" update is nearing completion. The men are now less hirsute and one-legged ladies, "negresses", and sex on horseback are out, while safe sex and transexualism are in. Happy boinking, everybody | (245) |
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Photoshop this marching hippie | (73) |
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Cute-ass baby gorilla born at San Francisco Zoo | (44) |
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Bonfire tip: If you feel you absolutely must prime the fire with gasoline, try to pour it on the wood and not on the people standing around you | (59) |
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Man argues that the meth found in his urine got into his system during a dentist visit the day before his pee test | (34) |
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Cop in trouble after women realize that breast fondling and UFIV while being frisked aren't normal parts of the average traffic stop | (89) |
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Friends, family, fine wine, dead bat on the wedding bed, maggots in the sheets, and an insect invasion...just your average wedding, really | (36) |
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Seven things I learned working on a pot farm | (222) |
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Man creates own blue-light special by hiding in K-Mart closet and stealing $200,000 in jewelry after store closes. In other news, K-Mart has more than $200,000 in jewelry | (53) |
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School board to students' favorite math teacher: "GTFO". Students to school board: "GTFO" | (141) |
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In a move that's guaranteed to show the value of carrying firearms, man uses handgun to force paramedics to stop treating him after collision | (100) |
| (Travel Channel) | |
TV chef Anthony Bourdain reveals he's filming Rust Belt episode of "No Reservations" featuring segments on Detroit, Baltimore, and other failed U.S. cities | (226) |
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That Chattanooga cop who allegedly attacked the 71-yr old Wal-Mart greeter? Yeah... not so much, says judge who relies on actual evidence, including videotape. Judge: 1, Mob Mentality: 0 | (129) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Caturday Bonus: 140 kittens resued from condemed house by Outlaw Bikers. With bonus pic of very scary man holding very cute kitteh | (142) |
| (Tribune-Review) | |
Protip: When transporting $700,000 of heroin after sunset, make sure your headlights are on | (36) |
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A shipment of 22 containers, carried by truck from Iran to Turkey for shipping to Venezuela, was labeled "tractor parts." Yeah, not so much | (102) |
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Disney adds 30 defibrillators throughout resort. Zap-a-dee-doo-dah | (36) |
| (Missoulian) | |
Musician and his totally hittable wife use a combination of new and recycled materials to build new home for about 45 cents per square foot (w/pic) (of house) (and wife) | (107) |
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U.S.S. George Bush commissioned, no word on when the Mission Accomplished banner will be hung | (203) |
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Number of "moderate" earthquakes in Southern California more than doubled from 2007 to 2008. EVERYBODY PANIC | (39) |
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"Ontario's beer police are running amok" | (51) |
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Philadelphia has one... two... three... three bald eagles' nests. Ah, ah, ah | (45) |
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According to Brits, the best TV ad EVER made features a toy monkey making a cup of tea. And they wonder why their currency has collapsed | (67) |
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City officials of Bullhead City, AZ learn the hard way that "eternal flames" cost a pretty penny, decide to turn it off. Veterans group tells city officials to stop living up the name of the town | (54) |
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Apparently the pirates that made off with three million dollars ransom for the oil tanker, didn't think about how much three million weighs. Rubber boats + three million = capsize | (142) |
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Being miles away from crime scene, boarding a plane while being filmed on video is not enough to not charge you with murder son, love Alabama | (43) |
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Man riding moped gets sleepy, decides to have a nap. In the middle of the road. Alcohol may have been a factor | (14) |
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Study finds women respond well to pictures of other women standing around in their underwear. Bow chicka-wow-wow | (286) |
| (Some Guys) | |
Photoshop this lofty lunch break | (52) |
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If you've ever strapped on a pair of iceskates and skated across your entire country, you might be a Canad... er... Dutch? | (34) |
| (Some Guy) | |
In a stroke of luck, a dog's owner was struck by a stroke as she was striking out to see a vet, after her dog was struck by a snare. She should stroke that dog, and be glad she wasn't struck by the stroke while stuck out there | (31) |
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Tennessee governor urges rejection of English-only amendment after discovering that "ain't", "y'all" and "howsyermomanem" aren't actually English | (122) |
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When travelling at 241 km/h in a 100 km/h zone, it is best that you do NOT pass a police officer | (88) |
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Cunning police catch burglars by expedient means of following their tracks through the snow for a mile to their hiding place. Genius, sheer genius | (13) |
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If you've ever thought that riding your bicycle to work in a snowstorm was a good idea, you might be a redn... er... a Canadian | (66) |
| (BND.com) | |
Another stoner learns the hard way that courthouses are drug-free zones. Who knew? | (41) |
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Salmonella outbreak linked to peanut butter. You're darn Skippy the CDC refuses to take a Peter Pan approach to the matter, vows to tackle the investigation in a Jiffy |
(57) |
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Bad news: Memory stick with details of 6,000 pages goes missing. Good news: the memory stick is encrypted. Bad News: Some dumbass left the password next to it on a sticky note | (62) |
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A baby møøse once fell through my window. No realli. Mynd you, baby møøse bites kan be pretty nasti | (33) |
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Goose flies straight into power cables cutting the power to 600 homes - in a village called Goosnargh. You really couldn't make it up | (25) |
| (ABC6) | |
By the numbers: .34, 3, 6, 97. You can guess which ones are MPH, blood alcohol and ages of kids in the car |
(40) |
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Shocked and dismayed by events in Gaza, Malaysians punish the true culprits: Coca-Cola | (51) |
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Three men busted with 600 pounds of pot at Burger King. Suspicions arose when they ordered twelve thousand cheeseburgers and a large coke. Police estimate the drugs are worth $1.2 brazillion | (43) |
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Two Toronto cops taken to hospital after being roughed up by 80-year-olds. The 80-year olds were both given five-minute majors for fighting and offered defensemen contracts with the Maple Leafs | (20) |
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Next week's forecast calls for scattered showers and a 60% chance of cat...100% on Caturday | (512) |
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Step One: Get a job as a waiter at a Jewish wedding. Step Two: Play Arabic chants over the loudspeaker during the religious portion of the ceremony. Step Three: Prophet? | (91) |
| (10tv) | |
Criminal 1: I can't believe we just stole this guy's BMW. Criminal 2: This phone I just stole got a text message from someone who claims they have hot chicks and drugs and wants to meet. Criminal 1: He sounds legit. Let's meet him | (52) |
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Facing geopolitical catastrophe, the rich turn to gold bars, overlooking far safer investments like bullets and canned goods | (92) |
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Dezaray Colyer took a sewing machine, gave her mother forty whacks... dangit, need a word that rhymes with "machine" | (42) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's three hour police standoff with an empty shed brought to you by Salt Lake City | (31) |
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Travel tips for Britain, including, "When speaking to staff in shops, hotels and restaurants do not expect them to be kind or helpful. What do you think they are, your bleeding butler? Effing nerve. What did your last servant die of?" | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The six types of annoying drunk party-goers. Yes, actually, you are listed | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this door | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
I promise to honor your life's choices, comfort you in sorrow, celebrate in your joy, support your endeavors, and bring the Pepto | (35) |
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Mako shark prefers eating outboard motor over freshly caught fish | (29) |
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Only 10 teachers in eight years have been fired because they are utterly incompetent. That's pretty high for government work | (73) |
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140-year-old lobster spied by patron in seafood restaurant. Patron notifies PETA, PETA convinces restaurant to release lobster back to sea due to his senior status. If only the law would let me do that with my great aunt Tilly | (123) |
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Twins in the womb dislodge mother's deadly tumor with their incessant kicking. With "yeah, we're pretty badass" pic | (87) |
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Looking for something to do in Nebraska or Iowa? Check out the Telephone Museum, Petrified Wood Gallery, or National Balloon Museum | (52) |
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One third of Americans now officially "obese." Thankfully, the coming depression, Yellowstone Supervolcano and/or Obama bailout will take care of this | (235) |
Fri January 09, 2009
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Ted Haggard, once involved in a gay sex scandal, says that his sexuality can't be put in a box. Apparently unaware that we already know it's hard for him to put things in a box | (137) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you come to work and find 200 tires illegally dumped in your parking lot, who pays the bill for disposing of them? If you live in Canada, the answer is 'you' (pic) | (96) |
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If you have to drop the little woman off at the airport, be sure to take out your 30 handguns,7 rifles and ammo before the checkpoint | (154) |
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Far from being contemplative lovers of art and philosophy, the ancient Greeks were actually beer-swilling louts who used their homes as brothels | (102) |
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Police responding to a man who had been robbed and shot in the buttocks find 51 pot plants at his home worth $4,000. Isn't that a pain in the ass | (56) |
| (VentureBeat) | |
And the categories for this round of Jeopardy are: The Rapists, Anal Bum Cover, Swords, Ape Tit, and Fark.com Headlines (w/video of Fark Jeopardy appearance) | (132) |
| (Some Farkin' New Yawkha) | |
NYC Parks Department needs Fark's help with a new mascot. (LGT Contest Submission Page) | (52) |
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If smoking is so bad for you, who still does it? Well, lets see, The President, most models, actors, actresses, and musicians, but other than that, nobody kids would want to emulate | (193) |
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Smoker claims co-worker permanently disabled her by contaminating air with perfume. That stinks | (74) |
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Today's TSG mug shot round up is brought to you by Granny Jones Storm Door and School of Cosmetology | (247) |
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Top 10 signs you've got a piece of shiat car | (376) |
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If you're trying to keep the fact that you're driving drunk on the down low, it's probably not a good idea to get out of your car and tell the cops patrolling on horseback that you like the horses and want to pet them | (37) |
| (Niagara Gazette) | |
When they asked if he was alone in the car, he allegedly said, "No, I had a group of midgets with me who ran away when you got here. Yeah, I was (expletive) alone, dude. Do you see anyone else?" | (78) |
| (Southeast Texas Record) | |
Woman sues for lawyer's sarcasm and doctor's rudeness; claims the latter "caused" a heart attack | (56) |
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What starts with "F" and ends with "uck" and was likely screamed seconds before impact? | (117) |
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5,000 toilets 3,000,000 people = 600 people / toilet. And you know the first guy to use it probably pissed all over the seat | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
17-year-old girl charged with a misdemeanor for having sex with her 14-year-old boyfriend a day after a 17-year-old boy is charged with a felony for having sex with his 14-year-old girlfriend (w/pic) | (255) |
| (Lehigh Valley Live) | |
The 900-pound butter sculpture at the Pennsylvania Farm Show honors National Guardsmen and their obligation to salute any dairy cow they meet (pic) | (40) |
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Not News: Some crazy customer bills the phone company $5,481 for his wasted time. FARK: The company agreed to pay it | (48) |
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British woman in court for performing sex acts in the street in front of appalled bystanders, with pic of-OH DEAR GOD | (301) |
| (Drew) |  |
Update from Drew: Fark's a category on Jeopardy today and the 10th Anniversary Fark Party may happen in extra cities (bumped) | (457) |
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Today's "female teacher busted for having sex with teenage student over 300 times" story brought to you by Abington, Massachusetts (w/pics) | (257) |
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Everything in your bathroom will farking kill you | (109) |
| (Idaho Statesman) | |
Pizzeria saves 10% of all tips for 13 years so the whole company can take a week paid vacation in Coasta Rica | (159) |
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Use this handy dandy MSNBC map to watch unemployment rise across the country | (152) |
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The U.S. Army wants YOU in the fight to defend the frontier against Zur and the Kodan Armada | (175) |
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Baltimore's Mayor Indicted for bribery, perjury, theft, and misconduct in office | (174) |
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Photoshop this bald man's brisk bath | (51) |
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Museum staff shocked to discover that the Russian grenade they have been moving from shelf to shelf for 30 years isn't exactly harmless | (45) |
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World's most exhausted dog discovered (w/pic) | (126) |
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Journalist travels to Iran and discovers it's not completely full of evil exploding photoshop masterminds | (199) |
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Things you shouldn't play with while driving a) yourself b) cell phone c) loaded hunting rifle | (64) |
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On death row? History of mental problems? Gouging out your only good eye and eating it may not be such a bad idea | (274) |
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SWAT team surrounds house after shooting. Suspects all got away anyway, but they did manage to handcuff a 14-year-old girl | (82) |
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Pirates release Saud I. Tanker, who expects to sign with the Yankees later today | (53) |
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Want to be the Assistant Secretary of the Treasury for Financial Stability some day? All you need are working 'ctrl' 'c' and 'v' keys | (53) |
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Atlanta's MARTA system to shut down its public restrooms to save money, seeing as everyone just pees in the elevators anyway | (126) |
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What can brown do for you? Apparently, rescue you from an overturned car in a pond | (59) |
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For those of you who never had to buy ink pens, calendars, scissors, staplers, flashlights or stress balls because your doctor always supplied them for you .... not so fast | (160) |
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Mexican woman wins competition for having to deal with the worst government bureaucracy, having to collect seven signatures every two weeks to obtain medicine for her sick son | (82) |
| (WLKY) | |
Ugly-ass Louisville gorilla turns 50; oldest male gorilla in North America (pics) | (48) |
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Sure, you've been drunk before. But have you ever been "Why don't I go over to those women and show them how I stroke my latex vagina" drunk? | (116) |
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Southwest pilot aborts takeoff by fleeing to bathroom, changing out of uniform, and phoning in sick. Alcohol was a factor | (61) |
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Headline: Alzheimer's drugs doubles death risk. Apparently your risk of death is now 200% | (92) |
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"Welcome to service hotline. My name is Bob. You have a lovely voice. In order to serve you better, could you please tell me what you are wearing?" | (33) |
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Illinois House votes to impeach Gov. Blagojevich | (337) |
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British Prime Minister Gordon Brown says he'd love to meet Optimus Prime, because "he seems to be able to solve most of the problems". But would also settle for latest Marvel superhero, Barack Obama | (45) |
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Woman accused of embezzling $32,000 from her work says she needed the money to give to a Nigerian heiress who needed her help | (85) |
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If you don't want to steal a bus, you can always re-arrange the roof tiles on a local business to impress your girlfriend/UFO , with pic goodness. Bonus: Owners of business see the funny side | (32) |
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Chilliwack declares state of emergency after numerous houses are gone, gone, gone, they've been gone so long due to mudslides and flooding | (79) |
| (WNEP) | |
How not to rob a bank | (35) |
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Baby toys are a waste of money because they are just as happy playing with an old remote control, which may explain why many have so much trouble putting them down later in life | (130) |
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Add some new captions for these Young Republicans mourning the end of the Bush era | (244) |
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Paraplegic fisherman survives 15 hours floating in the sea. Friends say it's good to have Bob back |
(64) |
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Water company: We've raised your rates, but we're not telling you how much, or what your balance is. And if you don't pay us the correct amount, we'll shut off your water | (58) |
| (TSP) | |
The word asshat is thrown around a lot these days. For example, shooting your cousin in the groin doesn't make you an asshat. Using his hearing-impairment to try and cover up the incident does | (15) |
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The ACLU is supporting Fred Phelp's daughter in her quest to protest at funerals | (304) |
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Stripper busted for not reporting the $80,000 she made in tips. In other news: strippers are making more money in tips alone than you probably make in a year | (141) |
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The Nuclear Regulatory Commission would prefer that you WATCH Homer Simpson, not try to IMITATE him | (39) |
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Road safety campaigned killed on stretch of road she warned would take someone's life (pics) | (67) |
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Lingerie shop sign encourages oral sex. Surprisingly, someone has a problem with this | (103) |
| (MetroWest Daily News) | |
Being a police officer means never having to say "I'm too dangerous to be allowed to carry a gun" | (18) |
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US jobless rate jumps to 7.2 percent, the highest since 1993, when there was no eBay or Craig's List where you could sell all your stuff to buy food after you got canned | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Hamas takes break from launching rockets at Israel to broadcast some Polish porn (site may have NSFW material) | (25) |
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When a friend asks you to house-sit while they're out of town, that's not secret code for "please sell all of my stuff while I'm gone and keep the money for yourself" | (36) |
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England experiences highest ever increase in measles rate. Early reports suggest that dumbass parents not vaccinating their children might have something to do with this | (134) |
| (Digital Spy) | |
Parents outraged to discover that Britney Spears' new album 'Circus' contains explicit-sounding lyrics, apparently forgetting that every good circus has a clown car | (62) |
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11-year-old girls use razor-sharp knives to slice tongues from decapitated heads for pocket money. And this is why you do not mess with Norwegians | (54) |
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England faces chronic shortage of head teachers. Subby suggests they recruit in Florida, where a lot of that kind of thing seems to be going on | (21) |
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Stroke victim dies after 28 days without food, because hospital forgot to install a feeding tube | (78) |
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Tangerine growers accuse bees of trespassing. That stings | (26) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Edwardsville, AL (pop. 194) is looking for a government stimulus handout. 375 million dollars worth, or nearly 2 million dollars per resident | (69) |
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Woman fired for taking blunt knife to IRS workplace, Sikhs compensation | (111) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this road trip pit stop | (69) |
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Treating a girl like a boy can fundamentally change the way her brain works for life. Also, lick some rats, they like it | (162) |
| (WBNS 10tv) | |
Disease, War, Poverty, Hate, Greed, Fark, and more crappy things will continue as normal today and, you can thank this Ohio man for not being able to take out Satan | (51) |
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Jets bomb 50 targets in Gaza overnight despite UN call for cease-fire. Sharks reportedly seen sharpening switchblades, practicing dance moves | (704) |
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From my Blackberry: NYPD eyes disrupting cell phone network in event of a ter-- | (84) |
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Another day, another $5-a-head underage drinking party (with dad running the door) advertised on MySpace ending in arrests and damaged police vehicles | (55) |
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Latest victims of the credit crunch: The Yakuza | (35) |
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If you're looking for a place to build your meth lab, a funeral home might not be best. Especially if it's across the street from the sheriff's office |
(30) |
| (TSP) | |
OMG Im txtn n drivn yl nt warin a seatbelt. I hope I dnt hit d median, cauzn my car 2 flip 6 tyms killn me instantly. LOLZ | (160) |
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RI boys accused of stealing car to get to school. YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG | (27) |
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Convicted pornographer has one final request before going to prison: Please let him attend Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas. Similar requests to Make-A-Wish Foundation yet to be answered | (165) |
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Canadian team completes fastest trek ever across the Antarctic on a diet of deep fried bacon, cheese and butter. Is there anything bacon can't do, eh? | (46) |
| (ninemsn.com.au) | |
♪ Hit me with your yoga stick ♬ Hit me ♬ Hit me | (33) |
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Every time PETA campaigns, God kills a sea kitten |
(173) |
| (Redlands Daily Facts) | |
California quake hits a mere 2 miles from where "The Big One" expected to emanate, with a 1 in 19 chance of being a foreshock. Yee-haw | (207) |
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If you wreck your car in a high-speed chase with cops, it's probably not a good idea to carjack a SWAT team's SUV. Because if you get in another wreck, the ammo in the back might explode | (47) |
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Photoshop this court afloat | (55) |
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Wise man flees sentencing, adds six months of jail time. Wait, what? | (76) |
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Alaska temperatures of 60 below zero ground planes, disable cars, obscure view of Russia | (165) |
| (South Bend Tribune) | |
Not news: Man arrested. News: With mobile meth lab. Fark: On a moped | (47) |
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"As far as I'm concerned, this idea that you have to recover from birth in a matter of days is part of the same cultural phenomena that says the ideal woman should have the body of an elegant 14-year-old boy plus breasts" | (289) |
Thu January 08, 2009
| (Some Guy) | |
British potato chip company test-markets new line of flavors, including onion bhaji and Cajun squirrel | (48) |
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♫ Shoot that crossbow arrow through my heeeeaaad ♫ | (54) |
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"Zombie Bandit" strikes again after 18 years. He was nicknamed because of the "vacant look on his face", the FBI EXPLAAAIINNNSS | (59) |
| (US-101) | |
Man almost dies drowning during $50 bet at Hooters. In other shocking news, alcohol may have been a factor | (42) |
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You yell at me, I scream at you. You slash my tires, I firebomb your house...that's the Memphis way | (54) |
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Out of ideas for a romantic gesture to show your pregnant girlfriend? Why not follow this guy's example: get drunk and steal a bus | (25) |
| (Some First Grader) | |
Six year old expelled after loaded gun falls out of his saggy pants. Plaxico Burris unavailable for comment | (72) |
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Bartenders discover awesome new ingredient for 21st century cocktails: Beer | (97) |
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U.S. strikes kill top al-Qaeda leader. This isn't a repeat from 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, 2003 or 2002 | (142) |
| (PennLive) | |
City of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania asks for $96 billion bailout. Asinine tag would require its own bailout to cover this one, but is trying its best | (113) |
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Obama team seeks delay in digital TV transition for Americans who won't be ready, even though submitter's 12-year-old son is younger than the DTV conversion plan | (245) |
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Loch Ness is frozen over, so Brits have to point and say "cor" at 17-foot snowman | (52) |
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School teaches elementary school students that there's "no such thing as a free lunch" | (226) |
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In a real pisser, Australian health agency proposes to reduce drunkeness by removing all the taxes on light beer | (43) |
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After solving all of the city's other problems, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg invests $12M to make the city the "wedding destination of the world" | (68) |
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Man disguises 21yr old girlfriend as grandmother to make huge bank withdrawal, would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pesky follow-up calls | (51) |
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State says it was an "accident" that the intersection's yellow time was shortened 1.5 seconds just four days after signing a red light camera contract | (112) |
| (KGTV) | |
Dude calls 911, says he had too many screwdrivers and is in a dumpster. Police search for guy who was stabbed by screwdriver and dumped in trash bin. Then it gets more confusing | (59) |
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What do you think happens when you're black and the son of a Major League baseball player and you're coming home from a late-night run to Jack in the Box and a cop thinks you stole a car? | (410) |
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Woman trapped in bathtub for 4 days. "The woman's condition was not available." Submitter's not a doctor, but I'm going to guess "wrinkly" | (47) |
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New French parking meters automatically call the cops when the time expires, then texts you to tell you that you've got a ticket, adding "Le HA-HA" | (91) |
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Baskin Robbins, whose large Chocolate Oreo® Shake contains 2600 calories, including 1220 from fat, feels requirement to list this at order counter "would unfairly burden its franchisees" | (262) |
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EPA concerned that there might be too much drinking water in your rocket fuel | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop what this young man is looking at | (98) |
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The economy is so bad that people are stealing flat screen TVs out of ice fishing shacks | (57) |
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You've been stealing natural gas for 32 years without getting caught? Wow. I'm not even mad. That's amazing | (109) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teacher who was taught to "remove all distractions" punished a 6-year-old autistic student by making the girl take her shirt off in a classroom | (130) |
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Another day, another crazy person trapped under mountains of crap in her own home | (57) |
| (Merced Sun-Star) | |
Even if you're not a teacher, it's probably a bad idea to ask three 8-year-olds to shave your beard | (46) |
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Would-be robber threatens clerk with pepper spray, squirts himself in the face, runs off | (36) |
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Alabama begins voluntary program to remotely cut your AC when it is hottest. What could go wrong? | (167) |
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Newsday reports on new trend where you save money buying and cooking your own food instead of going to T.G.I. Fridays 7 days a week. Americans confused, ask for clarification | (236) |
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Apparently, one of the perks of being a Chattanooga cop is you get to rough up elderly Wal-Mart greeters who ask to check your receipts when you trigger shoplifting alarms | (276) |
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MSNBC declares trendy sex over | (311) |
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Landlord: "Nobody brings a hatchet and wears rubber gloves to discuss rent at that hour of the morning" | (79) |
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Reality show psychic detective announces she discovered the body of Caylee Anthony, just a little later than everyone else | (95) |
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Egypt to Iranian news agency: Please don't run advertisements offering a $1 million bounty for killing our president. Kthxbye | (66) |
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Mary Kay saleswoman leaves free sample on Florida porch | (248) |
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Less than 36 hours after being rescued from the water, yachtsman has to be rescued again. Perhaps "yachtsman" isn't the best title; he should consider "water enthusiast" | (38) |
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Mor floriduh adalts lak baysick reeding skilz than nahshewnal ahvarage | (102) |
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Centers for Disease Control warns 42 unnamed states of a salmonella outbreak. Everybody in 42 states panic | (97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
City's $10 million state of the art civic information line is jammed by callers asking for fashion tips and help setting up satellite radio | (39) |
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Squirrels now burning down the houses of British politicians | (32) |
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Cold war breaks out between Winnipeg and Ottawa over who has the most ice | (115) |
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Serial streaker claims his indecent exposure "just happens". Apparently, so does getting listed on the sex registry | (44) |
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Oh say can you see / in the dawn's early light / what so proudly we hail / when you're hopelessly floating / and the cellphone's faint glare / gets you spotted from the air / gave proof through the night / and we rescued you there | (46) |
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Buick shocks young people, builds car that doesn't smell like grandma's purse | (329) |
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Greyhound bus mistakenly leaves a couple of passengers at a rest stop. Usually they do a head count, but apparently it's not unusual to come up one short | (60) |
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Slow news day: 69 members of a family all live on the same street | (78) |
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After careful review, British Columbia decides that marrying a bunch of 15-year-olds is sort of weird | (73) |
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Man shoots pond dozens of times, vomits, then feels better | (32) |
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Not News: Some guy steals a chair from a restaurant. Fark: Restaurant web site openly mocks you with surveillance video | (64) |
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You can find anything with Google - Even child kidnappers | (57) |
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Woman survives falls in her driveway in freezing cold; internal temperature of 60 degrees: "I'm a good old Norwegian" | (44) |
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The Bank of England has cut its interest rate to its lowest point since 1694. No, that's not a typo | (105) |
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Sheriff locked in his own jail by federal judge for failing to meet even the basic nutritional needs of his prisoners. Probably just a coincidence that AL law lets sherriffs pocket any money they have left over in the prisoner food fund | (162) |
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Ric Romero rings in the New Year with a resounding facepalm: "if you owe a lot of money on your credit cards or have other outstanding bills, it pays to have a strategy when paying off your debts" | (126) |
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Everybody needs a flu buddy. Have you picked your flu buddy yet? | (69) |
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You're having a fight with your girlfriend. Do you a) yell at her, b) smack her, or c) yell at passersby to "watch this" and throw her off a bridge? | (201) |
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Obama to be hung on inauguration day | (238) |
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Burglar calls cab for ride home with the fruits of his labor: three flat-screen TVs and some boxes of liquor. Offers to pay cabbie with some of his loot because he lost his wallet. Well, not lost, left at the scene | (24) |
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Officer felt he had no choice but to use his taser on brain damaged woman with a hula-hoop | (248) |
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USA to lead new international force to combat piracy off the coast of Somalia. Because if anyone has a track record of success in Somalia, it's the USA | (146) |
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Chicago History Museum will display a version of the Gettysburg Address handwritten by Lincoln; the exhibit will be open four score and seven days before moving on | (60) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you want the ring you gave your fiancee back just ask, don't try to bite her finger off | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's "how could you not know you was pregnant?" article brought to you by Newfoundland. It's like Canada's Florida | (245) |
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New Yorkers paying hypnotist hundreds of dollars for a trance to feel like they're rich, ignore those pesky TPS reports | (64) |
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The story of the perv behind Barbie | (59) |
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Photoshop this tentacular scene | (45) |
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If you're a woman in rural Papua New Guinea, make sure you don't weigh more than a duck | (182) |
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Woman dies after goldmine fall. AU NOES |
(93) |
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Minutes before the plane landed, a man jumped up, screamed "I've got a bomb" and lunged for the exit door. Passengers go all Flight 93 on his ass | (190) |
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If you accidentally run over a mafia boss' son, you stand a good chance of accidentally falling into a vat of acid | (107) |
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Three rockets fired from Lebanon have struck northern Israel, wounding two and opening the dreaded Hamas-Hezbollah-Israel Threeway War | (679) |
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Court orders man to continue paying child support to kids that DNA testing conclusively proved weren't his, because he started to do so on the assumption that they were | (490) |
| (Live Journal) | |
Photoshop this fabulous painting | (71) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Anyone who has ever entered a pub only to be driven out by a group of middle-aged divorcees wailing the approximate tune of "I Will Survive" would say karaoke is one of the most infernal devices ever devised by humans" | (127) |
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Riots begin in Oakland. In other words, it's Wednesday night | (481) |
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Do not taunt Happy Fun Panda | (68) |
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Businessman uses store sign to call mayor "lieing little Nazi turd" among other things. Surprisingly, City Hall has a problem with this | (50) |
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Celebrity gossip is the opiate of the masses and the junkies are on the market for a new pusher | (48) |
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Happy-lyric techno CDs for dogs becomes latest craze in pet care. Your dog wants a glow stick | (44) |
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The officer who shot an unarmed man in the back on New Years Day has resigned... which means he won't face an internal affairs investigation | (331) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 192: "Money Shots". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme | (132) |
Wed January 07, 2009
| (Some Guy) | |
Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can record a fight and post it on YouTube | (100) |
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Laundromat robber says "That was farking stupid. I'm out here banging on a freaking damn washer for a felony. Damn" | (26) |
| (Copenhagen Post) | |
Headmaster of a school in Denmark publicly admits he would refuse Jewish parents' wish to place their child at his school | (205) |
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A wind turbine stands wrecked with one of its giant 65ft blades torn off - after it was hit by UFO | (162) |
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A projection of how gray Obama's hair may be in 2013. It's not news, it's CNN | (165) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man "arrested on suspicion of using a laser pointer on a deputy" | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Local laundromat finalist in America's Most Progressive Coin Laundry contest. In other news, there's an America's Most Progressive Coin Laundry contest | (49) |
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New study finds that Canadians think French, but act American | (93) |
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Do not park in front of this guy's house unless, of course, you're into chainsaws | (81) |
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Henry Rollins is in love with Ann Coulter | (205) |
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Please help farker Eeek win the Jacksonville Looks at Animals photo contest. Please vote, DIT | (87) |
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Photoshop this protected pair | (58) |
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Third-World elementary school pleads for toilet paper, light bulb donations to stay open. Send contributions to Academy of Americas, Detroit, MI | (146) |
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Phase 1) Donate kidney to wife. Phase 2) Catch wife cheating on you. Phase 3) Profit? | (172) |
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The surviving former presidents met with Bush and Obama today. Caption this photo op | (262) |
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Photographer's job on the line after "unVailing" skiier | (130) |
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US Army apologises for mistakenly sending 7,000 "Dear John" letters | (79) |
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If you're planning a school sports day to forge new links between deaf and hearing pupils, step one would surely include not relying solely on a PA system to run the events | (72) |
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♫ ♪ I said do you speak-a my language? He just smiled, and made me a vegemite sandwich, and then a man from the government told him that he wasn't allowed to do that any more because it has too much salt in it ♫ ♪ | (204) |
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Man demands car keys, bites woman on elbow to prove how serious he is | (37) |
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Mexico launches War on Gum. Sounds silly until you realize the average square yard of sidewalk in Mexico City has 70 discarded pieces of gum stuck to it | (126) |
|
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Colombian coffee growers to sue Mother Goose over "there's a little bit of Juan Valdez in every can" cartoon | (75) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not news: Woman caught shoplifting. News: While shopping with her two young children. Fark: She stole the book "101 Ways to Be a Great Mom" | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Student creates beer flavored popcorn | (107) |
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Utah senate president thinks "children shouldn't be allowed to see liquor bottles or drinks being poured," files for Nanny State status | (295) |
| (WAVY) | |
School orders 8th-grader to shave his head because stars are apparently "gang symbols." Paul Stanley surrenders | (122) |
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Edward Scissorpaws beats out Sir Lix-a-lot and Optimus Prrrime for weirdest cat name for 2008. It's not mews, it's Fark.com | (283) |
| (MetroWest Daily News) | |
Man forced to resign after woman accuses him of sexually harassing her by looking at porn after going home from work | (153) |
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Book links the assassination of JFK, RFK, and MLK. Profiles a single shooter with a hatred of last names that start with K | (91) |
| (Haaretz) | |
French TV: uh, we made a "mistake". Those photos of dead Gaza citizens we showed you, yeah well those actually were killed by Hamas in 2005, and not by the Israeli Air Force last week | (341) |
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How much would 300,000 pennies weigh? 1842 pounds. OK, how would you steal them? | (102) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man dances naked in front of police with "strategically placed" sock. Surprisingly, alcohol was a factor | (42) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Sixth grader, home alone with sister, stops series of burglaries. Macaulay Culkin impressed | (62) |
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Best-selling "Conversations With God" author has blog yanked after site discovers he's been stealing his heartwarming anecdotes | (137) |
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Not News: Man buy scratch and win lotto tickets. News; Man wins $135,000 Fark: "Not so fast, there was a printing error we're not paying" Lottery Corporation | (137) |
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Horse faced git is upset that someone on the internet keeps calling her a horse faced git | (172) |
| (Belleville News-Democrat) | |
Man gets tipsy before boarding plane in St. Louis, jokingly says nine magic words to flight attendant that land him in solitary confinement for over three days | (122) |
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Milwaukee investigators find no connection with any missing child cases despite a deathbed confession, newly poured cement in the basement, elevated dirt piles in the yard, bondage devices, child porn and news articles about missing children | (47) |
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Nanny State turns single father with two kids away from swimming pool because he doesn't have a nanny | (79) |
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Five ways the world could end, not including global warming. EVERYBODY PANIC | (192) |
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Slow news day: brilliant new method to save both calories AND money. Hint: starve | (83) |
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Art gallery puts on show for abstract paintings, only later discovering that artist is 22 months old | (230) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this enormous floating platform with spheres | (52) |
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Chicago Public Schools manager spends $70,000 of district's money for 30 cappuccino machines. When I was a kid, we had to walk 5 miles uphill to get to school, and we didn't get delicious Italian beverages | (60) |
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Quebecois Black community: "Nous désapprouvons votre shennanigans" | (141) |
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If you're a funeral home, it's bad enough that you bury the wrong guy, but you're not going to make things better by trying to dig him up in secret and rebury the right coffin | (36) |
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Woman finds 139 year old baseball card, along with gum hard enough to cut a diamond | (110) |
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A story about a home filled with stinking trash? Check. An eccentric hoarder? Check. Dying from thirst after getting lost in a labyrinth of filthy garbage. Check | (95) |
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Men dress as Hasidic Jews to rob diamond wholesaler. That would make a pretty good movie scene | (157) |
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Nanny state wins another battle. Now bouncy castles are banned | (91) |
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The coolest model of a Lancaster bomber made out of POW camp scraps you'll see, well, probably ever | (66) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Naked mixed-martial arts fighter wanting to practice his sport with strangers in a Wal-Mart parking lot knew he could find somebody if he were nude | (58) |
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Casualty figures from the Boston 2009 ice storm: tons of bruises, a few sprains, one concussion, and a broken ass | (42) |
| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) | |
When out at a nightclub, there's only one thing dumber than pissing off the bouncer | (80) |
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Group of Australian students can now add "research good enough to scam millions from NASA" to their resumes | (27) |
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State to update slogan from 'Don't Mess with Texas' to 'We Warned You' as homeowners gun down would-be burglars at record rate | (852) |
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It's time for some more Fark™ sartorial advice; "Don't show up for court wearing a tshirt emblazoned with instructions on avoiding the police" | (24) |
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Teen birth rates are up in 26 states. The other 24 are putting in overtime, still counting | (164) |
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Problem: Britain's red squirrels are dying off. Solution: Eat the grey squirrels, thereby reducing the competition | (76) |
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Ever look at a can of hair spray and think to yourself, "I wonder if that will fit in my ass"? If so, then you and this lady will get along just fine | (149) |
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Man sues his former wife for putting a recording device in a teddy bear. Teddy Ruxpin unavailable for comment | (37) |
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Israel eases up, says it will only bomb the crap out of Gaza for 21 hours a day | (756) |
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Barbie turns 50, finally accepts she will die childless and alone | (69) |
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If you've been breaking into sex shops in Cairns to have sex with their blow up dolls, the police would really like a word with you | (54) |
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Man gets "alternative" punishment for throwing live chickens. Maybe he should have paid a poultry sum |
(40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ireland's champion bog-snorkeller complains her good name has been tarnished in a mud-wrestling TV comedy sketch faturing kissing, mud-wrestling lesbians. "It's embarrassing, it has made me a source of ridicule" | (64) |
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Woman who set fire to her husband's genitals doesn't see what the problem is. After all, his penis belongs to her | (52) |
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Russia launches new cold war | (88) |
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The poor economy is making it tough to support yourself as an Elvis impersonator in Vegas. "Fifteen years ago, if you was going to struggle, this was the town to struggle in." | (39) |
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A record number of sexist ads were reported in Sweden last year. With "yes. yes we do" picture | (89) |
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Worker suspend after dropping perscription pills into cake batter in a nursing home. Officials said all the residents are fine but may experience shortness of breath,vomiting,blurred vision,or an erection lasting more than six hours | (25) |
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Man arrested for trying to sell stolen cattle. Police managed to apprehend him before he could ford the river or contract cholera | (38) |
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Woman arrested after giving away beers to the needy at an outreach program for the homeless | (41) |
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Women in their 40s say they're having the best sex of their lives now that they've gotten past their youthful inhibitions, wear ankle-length peasant skirts and Birkenstocks and no longer give a damn what they look like | (143) |
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If you are going to drive, without a license, down the highway at 147 km/h and film yourself masturbating, you probably shouldn't also carry marijuana plants in the back seat, along with a loaded rifle | (76) |
| (Spare change?) | |
Theme: How cartoon characters are handling the recession | (139) |
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It's so cold in Britain that even the penguins are staying indoors | (50) |
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Smoking ban forces French to surrender their Gitanes in cafes -- but they vow you'll apply deodorant only to their cold, dead armpits | (35) |
| (kare11) | |
Dog sled race cancelled. Reason? Too much snow | (31) |
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Women who smoke while pregnant more likely to produce agressive offspring, subjects of Fark headlines | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
When the bouncer at a no smoking club tells you to put out your cigarette, the correct response is not setting fire to the "Not Smoking" sign | (89) |
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Of course I only eat organic food. I'm going to live forever, dude. Ammonium whatate? | (109) |
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Congressman asks House Speaker Pelosi to close Congress early so he can watch college championship game Thursday | (143) |
Tue January 06, 2009
 |
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There are only two possible explanations for a Colorado man winning the lottery 21 separate times in 13 short months | (92) |
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Pentagon refuses to award Purple Heart to PTSD victims. Still considering whether or not to award it to UAV pilots who get shot down | (131) |
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Mesa, that "hot bed of celibacy", is ranked the most boring city in the US | (118) |
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Woman who vandalized ex-boyfriend's apartment tells him that he cannot prove that she did it, which might have been true had she not posted a picture of the damage on her Myspace page | (66) |
| (Wilmington News-Journal) | |
Sweet 16 party ends with sweet 30 person chair fight | (51) |
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Overwatering your lawn in L.A. is now on the list of offenses cops will shoot you on sight for | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The best billboard advertising collection you'll see today on one page | (53) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop the General | (64) |
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Woman spends more than a day stuck inside a large cold-air-return vent in her home. Detective McClane made it look so much easier | (38) |
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Father of the year candidate uses two daughters to lure dudes to their house (at Knob Court), beat them up and threaten them with statutory rape charges (with bonus mugshot goodness) | (122) |
| (TimesDaily) | |
Study finds the South is the most common area for natural disaster deaths, fails to mention it also the most common area for trailer parks | (48) |
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In another great move that will only make the next generation more independent and confident in their own decisions, parents can now track their children's movement via a GPS locator watch | (128) |
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Remember that study that said teens taking virginity pledges have just as much sex as other teens? Nice work all around, except that it's completely untrue | (257) |
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There is no sugar for your coffee. Do you say: A) 'I'll do without', B) 'I'll drink something else', C) 'I AM A STABBING ROBOT' | (70) |
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Dumbest insurance claims filed by homeowners, including the guy who put in a claim for a new bed because he wore out his old one by having too much sex in it | (57) |
| (TSP) | |
Someone stole 320 bras from an Indiana Victoria's Secret. Won't someone please think of the first post? | (123) |
| (Ocregister) | |
Woman stores 10k in box of crackers, mistakenly returns it to the store, which puts it back on the shelf and sells it to an honest lady. Which brings the question: Who returns crackers? | (108) |
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Think your job is rough? Check out this power company lineman working from the skids of a hovering helicopter | (59) |
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Forget the strange odor, New Jersey police are baffled by bizarre, UFO-like objects hovering in the sky | (96) |
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For much of the country's history, the Secret Service didn't even drive the president, evidently oblivious to the dangers of asteroids | (94) |
| (WPTZ) | |
Today's thing you should not try to eat: Police cars | (32) |
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Dutch Oven Ave, Big Beaver Rd, Kaka St and 29 more of the world's funniest street signs | (211) |
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Best Buy lures iPhone purchasers with lower priced used models, with nude pics of previous owner intact | (95) |
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Pair of deer bring themselves in for show and tell at elementary school | (19) |
| (The Register Citizen) | |
New mom celebrates birth of child by bringing newborn to local bar and breastfeeding while getting smashed. Forced sterilization tag unavailable | (116) |
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North Carolina newspaper flourishes by only running mugshots and rap sheets of local criminals - and the biggest complaint its publisher gets is from perps complaining their photos didn't get printed | (38) |
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Why wearing a wig is the most fashionable thing to do right now. This is not a repeat from 1675 | (77) |
| (Some Virginian) | |
Six-year-old misses school bus, decides now is as good a time as any to take the family car out for a spin | (52) |
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14 things that should have been left the hell alone. New Coke gets a bad rap, there I said it | (145) |
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Check out the largest rack ever recorded for a non-typical American | (263) |
| (Some Farm Fresh Guy) | |
24 Things about to become extinct. #10 The Milkman? Are they still around? Oh, wait a minute, the link is from Iowa. That explains the crank telephone entry as well | (128) |
| (Deus Ex Malcontent) | |
Some of the stupidest things in 2008: #8 CNN's Farking Hologram Technology | (116) |
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80-year-old woman banned from driving until the year 3000 (w/confused pic) | (86) |
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Those headaches you've been having for the past three years could have been caused by many things, but I'm going with the 3 inch knife blade the hospital left in your head | (38) |
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Woman calls 911 to have police arrest her after reading a newspaper story that said she was wanted for scamming a couple out of $300,000 | (34) |
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What your Homeland Security travel file may look like | (73) |
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Judge warns 19-year-old street racer about what he can expect in prison: "You'll find big, ugly, hairy strong men (in jail) who've got faces only a mother could love that will pay a lot of attention to you -- and your anatomy" | (224) |
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Brazilian towns are having a Christ-measuring contest. Jesus | (27) |
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Photoshop Wolverine at Bathtime | (51) |
| (CBS 47) | |
Nine-year-old boy rescues little girl from attacking pit bull with jujitsu choke hold | (312) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Portland, OR police are looking for missing robot, missing robot is looking for Sarah Connor | (33) |
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Abu Ghraib idiot Lynndie England, free but still stupid: "In New York..people say there's apartments there where people pay $1,500 a month for something smaller than a trailer. We only pay $200. And they look down on us" | (299) |
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IndyStar readers lose their minds as paper drops decades-old Daily Prayer, called "a short ecumenical petition that is prayer at its most vanilla" | (113) |
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Cash-strapped school system asks teachers to voluntarily return the pay raises they received last Spring | (75) |
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Not sure what's worse, leaving a newborn baby with strangers at an airport, or being "suspended" because of it | (27) |
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Not content with unconstitutional "DUI checkpoints", Florida troopers plan to pull people over for no reason at all | (221) |
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Canadian marooned in dunes of Khartoum since June, swoons for loons and Saskatoon | (48) |
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CIA has to help Britain monitor its Muslim terrorist suspects because the nation has so damn many and is too swamped to do it alone | (71) |
| (wndu.com) | |
70-year old woman holds robber at gunpoint. Money quote: "Don't mess with the gray haired people" | (31) |
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Chronology of Israel's relationship with Gaza: "Get up in the morning, death, death, death, death, death, death, death - lunch- death, death, death -afternoon tea - death, death, death - quick shower..." | (361) |
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35 years after being shot, man dies from bullet wound | (44) |
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UN: "Please don't blow up elementary schools we've designated as shelters." Israel: "PEWPEWPEW" | (419) |
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Man throws new roommate a welcoming party, Cheney-style | (22) |
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Wow, your Grandma can really shred: "The success of Guitar Hero means that the onus is now on the manufacturers of 'real' guitars to make them easier" | (292) |
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Cross-dressing doctor who murdered his wife is found, well, hung | (38) |
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Fark 10th Anniversary Party - Lexington KY Feb 13th. Details in link if you're on Facebook, in thread if you're not | (118) |
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Restaurant brings Chicago-style ribs to Britain and the critics rave about the American delicacy: "This is, to put it simply, just so you don't forget, terribly bad food. And it's terribly bad food from the bad past." | (435) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The problem with promising your kids you'll buy a toy store if you win the lottery is you might actually win the lottery. Then your kids can discover adults lie (bonus use of word 'gobsmacked') | (33) |
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Apparently "balancing on a giant bamboo pole" falls under the category of traditional firefighting skills in Japan | (35) |
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Liar's Club has 2,000,000,000 members, and costs $1,000,000 to join and Jon Lovitz is the President | (78) |
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Upside down and pantsless is no way to ride a ski lift, son. With hilarious photo goodness, of course(Not safe for work) | (184) |
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Kiwi selling strawberries finds herself in a pickle when a crab apple tells her to produce cash, jewelry and cell phone. Lettuce hope it never happens again | (29) |
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Vicar takes down crucifixion sculpture deemed to be "horrifying depiction of pain and suffering" because it scared worshippers. Just figured that out now, did you? | (119) |
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After rash of heart attacks and severe fractures, hot physiotherapist shows Canadians how to shovel snow without injuring themselves | (75) |
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British Atheists raise enough money to put anti-God statements on 800 more buses, which will no doubt convert as many people as "Jesus is my co-pilot" bumper stickers do | (632) |
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Heavy drinking might be responsible for more sexual HIV transmission than illicit drugs, according to a new study by the Department of the Obvious | (53) |
| (The Register Citizen) | |
Rip Torn charged with DUI in Connecticut. This is not a repeat of 2004 and 2007. With mugshot goodness | (93) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Japan still conducting vital research into why whales die when they're harpooned, skinned and gutted | (86) |
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Gas prices are lower than they were when Bush took office. Wait, what? | (147) |
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Motorcyclists in Nigeria adopt to country's new mandatory helmet laws by wearing pumpkins on their heads | (91) |
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Fat bottom girls make the rocking world go 'round, are healthier than pear shaped ones | (215) |
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Man stops to ask for directions, is never heard from again. This is why we don't | (81) |
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Caption this cheeky monkey | (63) |
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Man receives $240,000 in compensation after being forced to cover Arabic t-shirt at airport because it was like "wearing a T-shirt at a bank stating, 'I am a robber.'" | (210) |
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Adding insult to injury for Patriots fans, Hugo Chavez stops sending free heating oil to Boston | (61) |
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"Dear Obama, Australia is killing the planet. Sincerely, NASA" | (312) |
| (Springfield News-Leader) | |
Today's 17 year old who slipped out of his handcuffs & stole the police car is brought to you by the Springfield (Missouri) PD | (49) |
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Who is interested in a Fark party in Europe this year? Please feel free to suggest time of year and location. LGT Google Group | (123) |
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Nanny State parents abandoning traditional fairy tales because making Cinderella do housework is sexist and "dwarf" isn't PC. Tossers | (153) |
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Fire at London cannabis factory ties up 300 firefighters and 35 pizza delivery boys for several hours | (33) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this working woman | (42) |
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As God is my witness, I thought dogs could hold their drink | (64) |
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Free public access cable channels are going away. All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat" | (103) |
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Four-year-old victim of America's gun culture shoots his babysitter for stepping on his foot | (351) |
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Pakistani woman given political asylum because she's 7'2" and fears persecution. That's a tall tale | (94) |
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This week on "CSI: Paw Paw": CSI's crack investigators need only three weeks to figure out that the heart found in a local car wash belonged to a deer, not a human | (60) |
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Stuff you don't want to find when sorting through your grandfather's belongings: 1. Pictures of a mistress. 2. Adoption papers. 3. A live mortar shell | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A giant peach wasn't the only thing to drop in Atlanta on New Year's Eve | (50) |
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Why dirt-cheap hotels like Travelodge are exactly that, with filthy toilets, stained mattresses and bedding a wino wouldn't sleep on | (207) |
Mon January 05, 2009
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Gas prices up for the first time in 16 weeks. EVERYBODY PANIC | (98) |
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Photoshop Joaquin Phoen.......Oh holy hell | (81) |
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If you're going to steal electricity from the power company, it's best not to decorate your house with the brightest Christmas lights in the neighborhood | (37) |
| (ABC27) | |
If someone pushes a baby carriage out in front of your car, don't stop -- it's probably a robbery attempt | (53) |
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University dean hopes to embiggen the English language through Web site aimed at keeping "good" but rarely used words in the public lexicon. How perfectly cromulent of him | (93) |
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Females are less physically active than males. Unless there's a sale on shoes |
(106) |
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Soldier may have been looking for a Cheesburger in Paradise, but Come Monday, he was dead after a bar fight over a Jimmy Buffet song |
(74) |
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After California police officers accidentally make unarmed man lie face down on the floor and accidentally handcuff him, one of them accidentally draws his gun and accidentally shoots the guy in the back | (699) |
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With an average monthly income of $17 Raul Castro says Cubans can now build their own homes with their own money | (55) |
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That strawberry yogurt you're eating has a bug in it. No, really. But the FDA doesn't really require that anyone tell you that | (168) |
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Hey, four-eyes. A top expert says that teasing at school is a normal part of life and should not be stopped. You got that, brace face? | (113) |
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Billy Mays and the other TV pitchmen are cleaning up better than a sheet of ShamWow during these tough economic times. This story is free - all you have to pay is a shipping and processing charge | (442) |
| (wxiatv.com) | |
The City of Atlanta is tackling its crack problems by making it illegal "to expose one's undergarments in a public setting." | (108) |
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People raised an eyebrow when they heard Casey Anthony didn't report her child missing for over a month. These parents waited 10 years to report their missing 11-year-old. Or maybe 12, they're not really sure. Whatever | (123) |
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MySanAntonio reader threatens to cancel subscription after spotting a picture of what he felt was a same-sex couple in newspaper, saying it wanted to make him "puke all over his breakfast table." Newspaper: "It wasn't" | (216) |
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For Sale: Lexus. Comes with 5,500 square foot luxury home in Houston | (39) |
| (kenosha news) | |
News: Man diagnosed with inoperable brain tumor. Fark: "My only ray of hope right now is a clinical trial with the venom that's found in a giant, yellow scorpion in Israel" | (40) |
|
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Another day, another nation closes its borders to a highly contagious haemorrhagic fever. Nothing to see here, move along | (59) |
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Your parent is assassinated. Do you (a) Vow revenge, (b) Call for peace, or (c) put on a foreign accent and release a rap video on YouTube? | (55) |
|
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Britain to start hacking people's PC's, planting keyloggers, looking for porn, lolcats |
(146) |
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Alright, stop, collaborate and listen. Boston's back with a brand new edition. 34 photos grab hold of you tightly, taken during day and some of them nightly. Ice Ice baby | (74) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient is Dick Tracy | (76) |
 |
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McDnoald's, Bucksstar Coffee and Pizza Huh all open in China's newest knock-off shopping center. It's not news, it's Frak.cn | (212) |
|
|
Here's to you, Mr. Proverbial Gansta Pose Car Picture Taker | (234) |
| (Some Guy) | |
One in 10 young people feel life is meaningless and they get no pleasure from trespassing on other people's lawns with their pants sagging down to their ankles and listening to that noise they call 'rap music' any more | (137) |
 |
|
Done with your Christmas tree? Bring it to the local park to be recycled. Tree must be decoration-free. ARTIFICIAL TREES NOT ACCEPTED | (70) |
|
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After US Army lets felons and elderly sign up, it's only logical lardasses would be the next demographic waived in | (199) |
|
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Nitro from "American Gladiators" speaks about life after steroids Bonus: Mention of "Man-Boobs" and "Breast-Chesticles" in first sentence | (123) |
|
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Ace Hardware: Double ended male "adapters" are illegal, dangerous, a fire hazard, and possible [sic] immoral. Wait, what? | (265) |
 |
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That'll be $3.47 for the grapes, but no charge for the Black Widow spider | (84) |
|
|
Newark bans barbed-wire, much to the dismay of countless young men with cheesy, unoriginal bicep tattoos |
(119) |
| (WJLA) | |
Women who play with fake babies, taking them to the park, out to eat, hosting birthday parties for them. "It's not a crazy habit ... It's like a hobby." | (254) |
| (Some Guy) | |
No more free beer at Busch Gardens. Everyone sad except for Mr. Roller Coaster Vomit Cleaner Guy | (98) |
| (Fairbanks Daily News-Miner) | |
Alaska trying to celebrate 50th anniversary of statehood, but it's TOO FRIGGIN COLD | (71) |
|
|
Hooters fires waitress who was a victim of domestic abuse, telling her that her bruised body violated company standards for maintaining a "glamorous appearance" | (268) |
|
|
The inventor of Hawaiian shirt has died. Jimmy Buffet inconsolable | (85) |
|
|
Not only are more people driving drunk, but they're driving twice as drunk as they were before | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"'Missing white girl syndrome' continues to be one of the most pernicious expressions of our contemporary media culture" | (166) |
|
|
Cows may be sacred in India but they are still not allowed to work as air hostesses on Air India | (84) |
|
|
Media once again trots out the repeatedly debunked "divorce lawyers brace for busiest week of the year" story to mark the first week of January | (53) |
|
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FBI spokesperson says coming up with nicknames for bank robbers is one of the more trying parts of the job. In other news, Farkers still looking for recent Spilled-Beer-on-the-Server bandit | (47) |
|
|
Council plans to spend £10,000 on "pigeon awareness day", because pooping on everybody's heads doesn't make them aware enough | (37) |
|
|
Ever wonder if terrorists could use insects to spread biological weapons? Well, now you are | (128) |
|
|
Brand new Terrorist target open for business in Baghdad | (54) |
|
|
First Family's cat latest advisor to leave the White House | (140) |
|
|
"Virginia is for Lovers" tourism slogan hits middle age and looks like it's been ridden hard and put away wet |
(95) |
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|
BBC marketing turns black character into white doll. Uppity daisy | (55) |
|
|
One thirds of Londons population has fled to rural areas due to uncontroled immigration. Rural areas now demand immigration controls | (101) |
|
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Sick of being laughed at every time it walks into a bar, escaped horse decides to check out the local cinema instead | (35) |
|
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Not news: Couple decide on African wedding. News: Police stop them at the train station. Fark: The couple are aged 6 and 7 | (49) |
|
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Local council declares that 18 inch deep kiddy's paddling pools need fully trained lifeguards patrolling them. Can you guess where? | (153) |
| (Irish Times) | |
China begins campaign to rid internet of pornography, currently delayed by problem of getting tanks into the tubes | (104) |
|
|
"Attention air traffic control, this is Delta. We have a drunk and unruly passenger on board. Requesting assistance." "Roger Delta. This is air traffic control. Uh, divert to Canada. Over and out." | (66) |
|
|
Former Grand View Motel proposes coffee served topless. Yep that's a grand view | (82) |
|
|
Premium tuna fetches $100,000 in Tokyo auction. To those who didn't win the auction -- sorry, Charlie | (50) |
|
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Recession causes sagging business for breast-enhancement surgeons, resulting in drooping profits; docs fear a complete bust soon. Boobies | (100) |
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Early converters of that cotton pickin' converter box thingy be learnin' that them there diggity pictures look pretty darn good. "I thought the wavy lines was 'cause of my drinkin, but naw. It's all real clear now." | (142) |
|
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TSA workers report rashes from uniforms; doctors recommend applying 3.5 ounces or less of lotion to the affected area | (44) |
|
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The ranks of homeschoolers have risen by 74 percent since 1999. You would have submitted this with a better headline, but your mom won't let you have a computer because it's a tool of the devil. Now wash your hands | (270) |
|
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Researchers discover that married couples actually feel happier when their kids have finally packed up and stopped draining all of their resources. Who would have thought it? | (95) |
|
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Not news: Couple gets married. Fark: 60 times | (23) |
|
|
Canadian city coping poorly with snow -- and it's the one every real Canadian suspected | (115) |
|
|
Plans to grant Christians free parking in a town could be blocked because councillors fear causing offence to other religions | (75) |
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Photoshop this savvy shopper | (44) |
|
|
Nanny State bans artificial flowers on graves for "health and safety" reasons, presumably in case anyone is just mostly dead | (44) |
|
|
England's last remaining master cooper is really scraping the bottom of the barrel to find new trainees | (48) |
|
|
Why does water melt the Wicked Witch, but not Dorothy? Prof's research will answer this and other pressing Oz questions | (124) |
|
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In a totally shocking discovery, The Daily Mail finds that drinks containing fruits sprayed with pesticide contain more pesticide than filtered water | (32) |
| (WCTV) | |
Convenience store robbed. Police arrest suspect who was at the end of a trail of popcorn which began at the robbed store | (30) |
|
|
How the Scallywags planned to beat the Nazis, once they'd finished scrapping with the Hooligans in Shaftesbury | (41) |
|
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British families with children being bribed by the government to divorce | (51) |
| (Pothead Focker) | |
Not the best idea to drive the wrong way down a one-way street with 18 grand worth of weed | (42) |
|
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City Council bans potentially offensive street names like Hoare Road and Cracknuts Lane | (55) |
|
|
Live in Britain? That's a stabbin' | (141) |
|
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Drinkers in the Queen's Head pub dressed in costumes race across the river in subfreezing weather, drink a barrel of beer, race back to get hosed down by the landlady. Those Brits really know how to have fun | (22) |
| (Some Shoe Guy) | |
Photoshop this shoe shine stand | (33) |
|
|
Economy is so bad there is now an acorn shortage; damn squirrels can't even live in this country | (68) |
|
|
Stonehenge was built as a dance club for prehistoric raves. Party like it's 1999 BC | (108) |
|
|
Nanny State now forcing shoppers to prove they are at least 18 years old in order to buy cheese (pic, gratituous use of word 'gobsmacked') | (155) |
|
|
Man who could barely walk five years ago set to run 110 miles without stopping, buy shrimp boat | (47) |
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Last updated: Sun Jan 11 23:59:02 2009
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Last updated: Sun Jan 11 23:59:02 2009
Contact us | Report a bug/error msg
Terms of service/legal/privacy policy