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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun November 30, 2008
(MSNBC) Interesting Muslims condemn Mumbai attacks, pork (10)
(Lifehacker) Amusing Top 20 "top 10 lists" list (4)
(Some fry surgeon) Strange Police seize frying pans in homicide investigation. Imagine the skillet took to get this investigation to pan out. They seem to have a handle on the clues, though (40)
(Rocky Mountain News) Interesting Some people have names tailor-made for their careers. What's your aptronym? (182)
(3 News New Zealand) Fail Power company finds way to discourage excessive electricity usage - charge your customers $200,000 a month (35)
(NYPost) Interesting The New York State Bowling Association takes a strike to its economic balls that may cause business to go into the gutters. Members now asking a judge to spare them (35)
(SLTrib) Scary Hiker goes missing in Goblin Valley. Elf, dwarf, and cleric promised an Enchanted Sword of Fire +3 if they find her (103)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this good time girl (84)
(Washington Post) Scary No acorns or hickory nuts in Virginia's oak trees this year. Scrat wanted for questioning (94)
(AP) Interesting New study finds 64% of high school students have cheated on a test, 35% lied on a survey (65)
(Some Guy) Amusing Bicyclist blocks traffic in a Jack-in-the-Box drive-through because he was denied chicken strips. "Go ahead and call the police. I'm making a stand." A bicycle stand, as it were (308)
(MSNBC) Sad Chinese girl, born in America and raised by a white family, is taken to China by her birth mother. Has difficulty adjusting to weird Chinese life, digesting dog meat (206)
(Stuff) Scary Bad Santas (29)
(NYPost) Spiffy Raise your glass in a tabasco-topped tomato toast. It's the Bloody Mary's 75th birthday (71)
(Canoe) Obvious How boring is Canada? The Weather Network has become a "pop phenomenon" (147)
(Chicago Tribune) Interesting Eighty-year-old finds lost brother six blocks away from his house (24)
(Oregon Live) Interesting Farker springchiken on the cover of the Oregonian newspaper for the next five days (115)
(BBC) Stupid Scotland dyes its sheep blue to celebrate St. Andrew's Day, spice up their sex life (pic) (26)
(Budget Travel) Strange Worlds weirdest hotels. Includes inexplicable bonus slide show featuring a young, cartoon Bruce Campbell (21)
(Some Guy) Florida If you have been leaving goat, pig, sheep and chicken heads around this subdivision, the police would like a word with you (19)
(Some Guy) Followup Pennsylvania county wants to offer parents an easy, affordable way to completely alienate their children and lose their trust entirely (69)
(Daily Mail) Asinine Student hangs Santa hat on "impossible to climb" spire on top of 60-foot building as end-of-term prank. Nanny State sends 3 fire engines and 10 firemen, who spend over an hour taking it down (83)
(Breitbart.com) Spiffy If you live in NYC and ride the subway to work or school, you've probably been late because of delays. NYC Transit division now offers excuse notes that blame the subway for your lateness (62)
(The Local (Sweden)) Ironic Swedish police cordon off large area of central Halmstad amidst fears that blow-up doll might, well, blow up (21)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Sappy Newlywed couple, who are both abstinence teachers, kiss for the first time. Sex Ed teacher to join them on their honeymoon (212)
(Some Guy) Interesting Ten reasons to be antisocial. Read it then fark off (282)
(Newsweek) Obvious New report states more employees visting porn sites at work. Really? no, really (59)
(Stuff) Followup The crash of an Air New Zealand plane off the coast of France last week has been traced to the **shakes magic eight-ball** gravity. Just kidding, they're blaming the paint job (63)
(NYPost) Dumbass Woman adopts 3-year-old cocker spaniel from animal rescue group. Cocker has two puppies. Animal rescue group wants to "rescue" the puppies. Stay classy, guys. (with ugly-ass cocker spaniel puppy pics) (154)
(Des Moines Register) Cool Iowa has one simple request. And that is to have snowplows with frickin' laser beams attached to their roofs (41)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this wishing well (65)
(Cracked) Amusing If spray-on pot was real: the seven most ingenious smuggling techniques (that got caught) (35)
(BBC) Followup On a slow news weekend, the BBC does not talk about dangerous Christmas toys, or the effects of eating turkey. Nay, they are better than that. A story about Princess Diana's sex life. Stay classy, Britain (41)
(LA Times) Scary The latest unfathomable number of what the economic rescue package might cost: $8.5 trillion ($8,500,000,000,000 or $8.5 x 10¹² for you math nerds). You still get a rock (283)
(London Times) Obvious UK supermarket budget foods not such a bargain after analysis confirms their contents to be almost entirely food-free. No need to ask about analysis on own-brand UK toothpastes (59)
(SFGate) Florida Annoyed with Florida's strange and unusual everything, space shuttle decides it isn't going to take it anymore, moves west (65)
(MSNBC) Cool American company sold, everyone laid off without warning. Just kidding, employees got a thank you that will boggle your mind (256)
(The Times of India) Strange Washing your hands means you're less likely to eat the family dog, abuse a kitten, or steal money (30)
(Yahoo) Stupid Mainstream media, upset that their dire predictions of retail doom and gloom proved false on Black Friday, are now spinning it that we aren't buying enough gadgets (78)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Researcher at the Royal Institute for the Painfully Obvious discovers women often don't get along with their mothers-in-law. With bonus collection of mother-in-law jokes (68)
(Guardian.com) Stupid Britain issues first biometric ID cards with fingerprints and facial details, but has not issued a single scanner yet. That's some damn fine security work there, Nigel (30)
(Telegraph) Dumbass Catholic cleric attacks Disney for corrupting children's minds, says Catholicism has historic monopoly on magical sky people and talking flora and fauna (140)
(WWL) Interesting Apparently, the ACLU has a problem with giant, taxpayer-funded flashing crosses in Christmas displays (318)
(BBC) Interesting The question of our age is finally asked: When is too early to put up Christmas decorations? (115)
(AFP) Spiffy Swiss head to the polls to decide whether or not to quadruple their tourism draw (50)
(Telegraph) Dumbass 30 days hath September, April, June and November. All the rest have thirty one except, and this is really quite important, February. Did you get all that? (55)
(NYPost) Scary Photo gallery of phone sex workers. Be afraid. Be very afraid (151)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Switzerland set to approve prescription heroin as "safe alternative" for addicts. Amy Winehouse announces immediate plans to move to Zurich (52)
(Reuters) Scary Dmitry Medvedev says he was able to see two earthquakes hit Alaska from his backyard today. You betcha (47)
(Google) Scary Gunmen shoot eight on Mexican border, slap horse on ass with last dying gasp (55)
(Boston Channel) Hero Cop lifts car off of crash victim. Upon further inspection, it turns out his badge number is 24601 (103)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this splash of blue (55)
(MSNBC) Sad 80 whales re-enact the opening scene from "Saving Private Ryan" (55)
(Some medieval redneck) Fail If your brother barges into the bedroom you share with your live-in boyfriend and defends your honor with a crossbow -- twice -- you just might be a redneck (58)
(SMH) Interesting "The animals are fiercely territorial and efforts to relocate them often lead to lethal wombat combat" (51)
(SFGate) Weird Wanted: lighthouse keeper in SF Bay. $100,000 plus room and board on SF Bay Island. Great views and a foghorn that goes off every 20 seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 months a year. Must have commercial boat operator's license. Huh? (73)
(AP) Sad The fat lady finally sings: Sydney Opera House designer Joern Utzon dead at 90 (30)
(Excite) Sad Pastor who, helped insert the phrase, "under God" into, the Pledge of, Allegiance has passed, away. No word on, if he was involved, in inserting the, invisible comma, after the, phrase "one nation" as, well (200)
(SMH) Hero 78 y.o. former boxing champion adds another K.O to his 63-1 record after repo men try to rough up homeowner while he was visiting (84)
(London Times) Interesting International index measuring one-night stands, total numbers of partners, and attitudes to casual sex finds Britain on top of Australia, the US, France, the Netherlands, Italy and Germany. Thank goodness for Guinness (67)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Ironic Ohio police chief shoots himself while teaching daughter gun safety (71)
(Radar Magazine) PSA A list of the most dangerous toys ever. Irwin Mainway unavailable for comment (150)
(9 News) Fail City clerk's typo results in the city losing a $2 million grant. Oops (44)
(Boston Channel) Scary Jack Daniels finally discovers what his customers feel like in the morning: "I said, 'Sir, you just got hit by a train.' He says, 'No, I didn't'" (29)
(LA Times) Obvious While investigating Mumbai terror attack, India finds links to Pakistani extremists. Immediately begins gearing up for invasion of Iraq (332)

Sat November 29, 2008
(My Fox Tampa Bay) Florida Preacher arrested during 10K race, accused of bible thumping runners (38)
(The Newspaper) Amusing Vigilantes disarm speed traps worldwide, in one case literally stealing the equipment from behind a police officer's back (131)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop these flares (49)
(The Ledger) Florida Not news: Daddy tries to spank daughter. News: Daughter, who is 16, punches daddy for trying to spank her. Fark: Daddy has daughter arrested for punching him (301)
(AZCentral) Weird One testicle trifecta now in play, this round with pro-golfer Billy Mayfair, an 8 foot wedding cake costing $50,000, and a 100 lb chocolate statue of Homer Simpson (42)
(The Sun) Stupid Only a vile, biscuit-munching Belgian would defile bacon with tattoo ink. Stupid Flanders (57)
(Rhinelander Daily News) Amusing You can lead a horse to a tree lighting ceremony, but you can't prevent it from turning the night into a giant clusterfark (34)
(Daily Star) Stupid Miss England is having trouble getting a modeling contract because she's "too chunky". Submitter is a bit confused from last week's story about skinny models being a turn-off (392)
(LA Times) Hero Steve McQueen spent the last year of his life living in an airplane hangar with his wife drinking cheap beer while watching Love Boat on a black and white TV. Gazillionaire drinking cheap beer gets the Hero tag everytime (129)
(Some Guy) Obvious This open letter to Barack Obama calls for the immediate end to the 61-year truth embargo on formal acknowledgement of the extraterrestrial presence engaging the human race (145)
(SeattlePI) Followup Black Friday sales up 3% over last year. This is bad news... for doomsayers (257)
(Rian.Ru) Interesting Russia successfully tests Bulava ballistic missile. U.S. to speed development of Timex anti-missile shield (35)
(AP) Followup If you were one of the dozens of people who trampled the Wal-Mart employee to death yesterday, police would like a word with you (228)
(Google) Obvious Unable to say no to their precious snowflakes, parents send letters to toy companies asking them to stop advertising (108)
(Google) Scary Researchers say several mini-earthquakes in Arkansas could be a sign of something bigger to come. Here's comes the doomsday science, so EVERYBODY PANIC (70)
(AJC) Asinine What do you do after buying several homes during the housing boom? Why default on one mortgage, collect unemployment and sit at Starbucks while trying to figure out how to pay for snowflake's private school of course (78)
(Canada.com) Asinine No, you can't have a pony. Not yours (58)
(YouTube) Amusing Don't blame subby if you watch this and go to hell. He didn't make you click (272)
(The New York Times) Cool Buy this tunnel before the mole-men do (76)
(Guardian.com) Interesting Historian traces first credit crunch back to Roman times. So apart from that, sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health, what have the Romans ever done for us? (67)
(Bangor Daily News) Silly City to downtown businesses: "Yeah, it's OUR sidewalk, but YOU gotta shovel it" (92)
(Slate) Strange Persistence of one-testicle and pervy rumors about Hitler is because we need to distinguish him as freak; therefore we're incapable of being like him. Hey, is that Lance Armstrong riding by with one of Olsen twins on his handlebars? (92)
(Google) Photoshop Photoshop this midget submariner (67)
(Some Guy) Obvious The malls are a convenient place for thieves during the holiday season. To The Romerocopter (54)
(AL.com) Dumbass This week's teacher arrested for trying to have sex with 13-year-old has a new twist; the teacher is a college professor. Doesn't he know co-eds are easy, hot, and legal? (94)
(Baltimore Sun) Strange 2 charged in stabbing of 3. In related news, 6 in hiding over fears that 7 8 9 (73)
(AP) Asinine Another sign of the bad economy. It will cost more to borrow a free book as Chicago libraries doubling fines. Reporting deadbeats to credit bureaus followed by government bailouts in the planning stages (57)
(Houston Chronicle) Obvious Ric Romero wannabe helps you prepare for Cyber Monday: coupons can save you money and buying from Web sites that offer free shipping can help you save shipping costs. And oh yeah, watch out for scammers (20)
(Telegraph) Obvious Top 20 most dangerous places in the world (pics). Oddly, Wal-Mart didn't make the list (235)
(New York Daily News) Followup Did you apply for a job in the Obama administration? You have 292,999 competitors, so good luck with that (70)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting Company denies the "Lean with it" slogan for its purple anti-energy drink called "Drank" promotes a cough syrup abuse drink with the street names "Drank", "purple stuff" and "lean" (159)
(Washington Post) Interesting Falconers excited for the start of rabbit season *duck season* *rabbit season* *duck season* *rabbit season* *duck season* *rabbit season* *duck season* *RABBIT SEASON* *DUCK SEASON* (53)
(AP) Interesting First known set of conjoined American Indian twins to be separated, and how (74)
(Yahoo) Interesting Saudi king wants oil prices to jump, which could cause pump prices to go over TWO DOLLARS a gallon. EVERYBODY PANIC (174)
(Yahoo) Asinine Memo to the FDA: What is wrong with "none" as a melamine level? C'mon, seriously, do you guys just really hate children or what? (208)
(Some Guy) Obvious Even the Nanny State is starting to figure out what Fark has known for some time: "It is increasingly apparent that 'health and safety' legislation is a hazard to British customs, traditions and heritage" (52)
(NYPost) Obvious Psychologists say rampaging, like on Black Friday, is contagious, almost as if some kind of "mob mentality" takes over. BURN HER (74)
(Boston Globe) Obvious Social networking sites have made class reunions boring and obsolete because everyone already knows what everyone else is doing (92)
(New York Daily News) Spiffy Woman makes 25 lb turkey for feral cat colony on Thanksgiving. Cats hope to wake up from tryptophan induced slumber in time for Caturday (394)
(Seacoastonline.com) Dumbass You can act as sober as you want, but if you are dragging a fire hydrant behind your car, the police are going to want to ask you a few questions (16)
(Some Guy) Scary This is what you get for lying (52)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this libation (55)
(City Pages) Followup Drunken Iowa housewife busted in stadium toilet sexcapade hires lawyer, says somebody put something in her drink. Subby suspects it was alcohol (176)
(UPI) Asinine If you put an American flag on a 75-foot cell phone tower does it become a flag pole? (77)
(London Times) Amusing 20 things to do with a haggis: At least 20 more in these comments to the right -- (68)
(AP) Amusing Radio station holds contest to win a new vehicle. After 55 days of 2 people living in a truck hoping to outlast the other, the station quits before the contestants (54)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Chicks accused of crimes are increasingly figuring out they can avoid prison sentences by getting pregnant in the time between being charged and being convicted. The game is now in ova time (93)
(military.com) Amusing You can forget the MRE's, soldiers in Iraq are eating way, waaay better than you, and have the expanding waistlines to prove it (224)
(AP) Asinine Beautiful $6 million tutoring center at the University of Illinois, complete with oriental rugs and leather chairs, is only for use by less than 1.5% of the students. If you guessed atheletes, step up to claim your prize (206)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Woman who chugged two bottles of wine after she couldn't find her AA meeting wins coveted title of 'drunkest driver police have ever seen' (w/ 'No surprise' pic) (59)
(Daily Mail) Scary "Deep in the Atlantic, a submarine waits on alert with nuclear missiles that will end the world." Sleep well, Farkers (259)

Fri November 28, 2008
(Victorville Daily Press) Scary Ask me if I want breakfast? On Thanksgiving morning? That's a stabbin' (57)
(NASA) Photoshop Photoshop these fruity astronauts (50)
(Sheboygan Press) Cool If you've seen a teenager running around in the snow in his boxer shorts, the Sheboygan Police have some questions for you (33)
(AP) Sad In what has to be the worst economic casualty of all, Ireland's largest pub-running company has entered bankrupcy protection (57)
(Green Bay Press Gazette) Sick Couple return home to discover mom's ashes tossed around house after being burglarized. On the bright side, those bagless upright vacuum canisters could make for an interesting new urn (66)
(WSFL) Weird New York, London, Paris, Munich. Everybody's talkin bout... Pope music (52)
(SFGate) Cool Cleaner who found and turned in $20,000 can keep it. Obviously this didn't happen in the USA (56)
(Guardian.com) Scary An elderly couple were horrified to receive a letter last week from a London firm of lawyers accusing them of illegally downloading a movie. The film, "Army F*ckers," features "Gestapo" officers and "Czech" farmers (67)
(CBC) Scary Don't touch me please / I cannot stand the way you suppress my immune system / I love you though you hurt me so / Now I'm going to pack my things and go / Tainted coke, tainted coke (55)
(Some Guy) Fail Shot through the junk, And you're to blame, You give guns in the waistband a bad name (93)
(News.com.au) Scary Today's Qantas mid-air incident caused by *spins Wheel of Misfortune* forgetting to put oil in an engine after overhaul (52)
(LA Times) Followup "Riot police surround Bangkok airports." Why? Do they have Black Friday deals in there? Are they selling Wiis in there? DO THEY HAVE WIIS? OMG THEY HAVE WIIS, DON'T THEY? ZOMG GET TO BANGKOK (71)
(Sun Sentinel) Florida Lady chases her brother out of her home with a machete on Thanksgiving night because he showed up with another woman. "If you don't get out, I'll kill you'' (32)
(Very Sad) PSA Don't play with guns: "He thought the safety was on, put the gun to his head, squeezed the trigger and that was that" (181)
(SFGate) Strange Man takes candy cane lawn ornament to knife fight... and wins (38)
(Canoe) Weird French appeals court says Voodoo dolls of President Nicolas Sarkozy may remain on sale, but must carry a notice saying that pricking them harms the president's dignity (32)
(KABC) Sad Two 'Я' Dead (187)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Interesting If you're looking for a new hobby and have loads of spending money, join a live role-playing Dungeons and Dragons battle group (82)
(Everett Herald) Obvious 78-year-old man busted for being fake attorney. His ruse was discovered when court officials noted his optimism, heart, and general humanity (32)
(USA Today) Stupid U.S. Mint to release new Sacagawea dollar coin. In other news, Ford set to roll out 2009 Edsel, Hollywood films remakes of "Heaven's Gate" and "Gigli" (134)
(Lancashire Evening Post) Silly Ladies: Don't you just hate falling down drunk because you're wearing the wrong shoes? (48)
(Herald-Leader) Scary Kentucky anti-terror law requires God be acknowledged (751)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Your weekly dose of schadenfreude from TSG (154)
(Reuters) Unlikely Bush on his legacy: "I'd like to be a president [known] as somebody who liberated 50 million people and helped achieve peace" (558)
(Journal Times) Dumbass News: 18-year-old male tries to impress 14-year-old female at a party. Durrr: Playing with a gun, he accidentally shoots her in the leg. Fark: She doesn't report it until the next day at school (101)
(My San Antonio) Obvious Man says God ordered him to take out fellow motorist at 100mph (87)
(Denver Post) Asinine City employee sues the city under the Americans with Disabilities Act claiming she couldn't work because her co-worker used too much perfume (186)
(Local6) Florida Today's "84 year old woman covering herself with 50 cats, 20 ducks and 15 turkeys to keep warm" brought to you b... oh never mind, it's getting pathetically easy to find stories like this. Where's the challenge? (26)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this smiling ol' softy (47)
(KVOA) Spiffy Futher proving everyone is on MySpace, father finds his son who has been missing for 17 years on MySpace (66)
(Daily Mail) Amusing One mother's nightmare. "Nintendo DS turned my children into murderous, amoral killing machines" Or something like that (163)
(Some Guy) PSA "Christmas trees, lights, trimmings and turkeys will be among the things turning seasonal merrymaking into misery and mayhem for thousands of families over the holiday period." (61)
(ABC News) Sad Walmart employee killed in annual American Running of the Bulls (829)
(News.com.au) Dumbass The attention-starved generation's habit of posting their every breath online has claimed another victim. Group runs up large tab in restaurant and skips out. Traced through a Facebook account (142)
(Cincinnati Enquirer) Amusing WKRP is on the air in Cincinnati - no, really (148)
(Reuters) Sad Dutch to ban magic mushrooms. As if we needed another reason to hate the Dutch  T-Shirt (175)
(KTHV) Obvious Arrest made in attractive, blonde anchor woman's death. For some strange reason, they mention the suspect's car had 22" rims. Surely a critical detail, nothing else (226)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Routine traffic stop has man up in arms. Er, caught red-handed. Er, never mind, just RTFA (38)
(The Sun) Stupid Somali pirates strike again as climate change fears grow (102)
(NYPost) Asinine Gang of bank robbers arrested after "Ocean's Eleven"-style heist gone awry. Except there were only four of them. And none of them looked like George Clooney. But other than that, totally like that movie (28)
(New York Daily News) Stupid Former New York cop wins $4.5 million in damages after shooting himself in the leg when the chair he was sitting in broke. ""He's lucky in a sense that he didn't shoot himself somewhere else." (77)
(Daily Mail) Amusing Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput (73)
(Telegraph) Amusing If you laugh at any one of these Christmas cards, you are officially a geek (171)
(Reuters) Obvious Measles "epidemic" feared, still no cure for parents who refuse to vaccinate their children (310)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida President of nudist association thinks more nude beaches can help plug state budget gaps, despite conspicuous lack of places for nudists to keep their money (42)
(News.com.au) Dumbass If your Army base is next door to two schools, make very sure you know which way the wind is blowing before you start the gas attack drills (32)
(News.com.au) Ironic Too fat to get out of car when pulled over? That's a capsicum spraying.... mmm capsicum (44)
(Spiegel) Photoshop Photoshop this blank expression (66)
(Toronto Star) Spiffy Stephen Hawking's voice synthesizer to be modified to say things such as "oot", "aboot" and throw in an "eh" at the end of every sentence (68)
(My San Antonio) Cool Places where individualism is valued over the collective good also tend to be places where a lot of beer is consumed. Collectivists, on the other hand tend to be panty-waist teetotalers (159)
(Stuff) Dumbass When selecting another car to race on the freeway, try to make sure it's not a police car first (27)
(NJ.com) Scary Cardboard figure keeps police at bay. "After failing to get any response from the figure inside, the SWAT team entered." (39)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're going to paint grafitti all around Philadelphia you may want to avoid using your myspace tag in your work (54)
(News.com.au) Spiffy Australian Father of the Year makes misbehaving son walk 2.5 hours to school, uphill, both ways (81)
(Some Guy) Weird One-year old and pregnant is no way to start out life, kid (136)
(CNN) Asinine Just shoot me already: "I started to see an ugly side to Twitter...an incoherent, rumour-fueled mob operating in a mad echo chamber of tweets, re-tweets and re-re-tweets" (165)

Thu November 27, 2008
(Kotaku) Cool Subby has no qualms about declaring this the coolest damn cake in all of creation (92)
(Daily Express) Obvious When men are ill, women are sympathetic for precisely five minutes (370)
(Canada.com) Sad It's difficult to prosecute a rape when the victim thinks a courtroom reporter did it (40)
(AP) Scary Airbus, apparently training for future use on Quantas, crashes into the Mediterranean ocean just off the coast of France (50)
(Toronto Star) Spiffy 2000 year old stash of weed found. Dude, this shiat's all dried out (113)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: That's not a toy (57)
(CBS New York) Strange Good: Man flagged down by stranded blonde hottie in miniskirt. Bad: Woman tells him a man is pointing gun at him, superglues his hands to steering wheel. Worse: Takes his credit cards and departs (46)
(Houston Chronicle) Spiffy Today's naked drunk driver on the receiving end of a Taser is brought to you by Santa Ana, California (19)
(Canada.com) Scary Come for the aww-inducing story about zoo animals going ape over spices, but stay for the terrifying photo of a deranged lemur that is likely to haunt your dreams forever (57)
(SJ-R) Scary What do you do when your state doesn't have a child drop-off law? Drop her off at the liquor store (49)
(Houston Chronicle) Sad World's second oldest person gets bumped to the head of the line (47)
(Daily Star) Amusing The Brits have found a great new way out of recession. It's called 'gambling' (18)
(The Times of India) Scary India's Prime Minister hints that Pakistan may be behind terror attack. This should end well (162)
(Free Press) Followup Chrysler CEO might drive to DC, ideally in a 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T evading the Highway Patrol in every state with the help of a blind black dj (165)
(Komo) Asinine Cheerleader takes a naked picture of herself that ends up being sent to everyone on the football team so her parents do the logical thing and sue her school. "Deep down, it bothers her." (335)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Scary The best way to teach your kid that Santa Claus is fake (63)
(Boston Globe) Cool Not news: Malia Obama plans to do her homework. News: on President Lincoln's desk. Fark: The one where he signed the Emancipation Proclamation (332)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this zebra car (57)
(Globe and Mail) Interesting Jason Priestley credits the Persian Gulf war for helping to make "Beverly Hills, 90210" into a hit. George H. W. Bush's legacy tainted forever (32)
(Telegraph) Asinine Vatican describe cell phones as "a very grave threat, and the most irreparable misfortune." Can Jesus hear you now? (165)
(Some Guy) Asinine Mall asks Salvation Army bell ringers to use paperclips inside their bells to keep the noise down (89)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Dry macaroni cheese is the perfect turkey substitute for vegetarians and if it's good enough for Sir Paul McCartney, it is good enough for you (179)
(Ed U. Cation) Sick Female Texas middle school teacher arrested, charged with sending topless pic to 14 yr old male student she met at church. Now shes's a former Texas middle school teacher (w/ maybe if it's late pic) (99)
(Toronto Star) Interesting Toronto city officials plan to force grocery stores to charge shoppers five cents per bag, but some store owners plan to challenge their legal authority to do so. This is the biggest thing in supermarket law since the Paper vs. Plastic ruling (137)
(SFGate) PSA China executes man for ant-breeding scheme. In other news, DON'T BREED ANTS IN CHINA (72)
(AJC) Obvious CDC finds Americans are sicker than they think and they lie about it. Dr. House nods knowingly (60)
(Daily Mail) Sad Hot teacher exposes naughty students, may never teach again. (w/pic) (156)
(Never gonna' give) Cool Rick Astley appears in Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, ensuring the broadcast will not let you down (167)
(Google) Cool All eighteen minutes and thirty-four seconds of Arlo Guthrie's holiday classic "Alice's Restaurant". Happy Thanksgiving (130)
(Roanoke Times) Asinine I am not sure who to make fun of, the precious snowflake with long hair or the teacher who is so upset that she gave him a bad haircut in class. Either way the lawyers win (144)
(AJC) Silly Helicopter mom goes dumpster diving for her precious snowflake's science project (60)
(Daily Mail) Dumbass Man blames Mars bar addiction after biting his girlfriend for wearing "Bridget Jones pants" (21)
(CNN) Followup One of the Westerners taken hostage in Mumbai was apparently Bill Murray, who got a nasty cut on his hand but still managed to hang on to his incredibly gay scarf. More as this develops (with pic) (130)
(The Local (Sweden)) Strange Woman finds acupuncture needles in lingonberry jam. Jam-maker apologizes, says labels got switched with Klingonberry jam. Honest mistake. K'plah (23)
(X-Entertainment) Strange Peanuts with popcorn: Recreating the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving feast (28)
(London Times) Hero Edith Kent, wartime welder and the first woman to receive equal pay, turns 100 (40)
(Some Dr. Tongue) Cool Wig out at the 3D House of Virtual Hairpieces (16)
(YouTube) Amusing "Oh, the humanity." Nothing quite says Thanksgiving like hearing from crack field reporter Les Nessman from WKRP live and on location (74)
(Spike) Misc How to get fat...I mean make Turducken (65)
(Roanoke Times) Amusing Being drunk in the home and then being dragged outside by police is not Public Drunkeness. Virginia Farkers breath a deep sigh of relief (62)
(The Chattanoogan) Amusing "Officers Nab Kinfolks Clothing Burglars" ... wait, what? (10)
(News.com.au) Amusing 8-year-old kid is thrown out of class for being noisy. So he does the only logical thing and goes home to complain to his mother. In the teacher's car (26)
(Telegraph) Dumbass British Santa fired for violating elf and safety rules  T-Shirt (31)
(Herald-Leader) Followup Pancake tips your trailer? That's OK. America's richest man will buy you a new one (63)
(News.com.au) Strange Spontaneously combusting tea towels cause a $1 million factory fire, demonstrating why Guinness towels are clearly the better gift (27)
(Google) Photoshop Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Explosions (44)
(Telegraph) Stupid If you can tell the difference between a tomato plant and a cannabis plant, the Scottish Police need some remedial education (56)
(Houston Chronicle) Followup Barbara Bush says perforated ulcer pain was "worse than childbirth". Luckily, unlike her children, her ulcer is unlikely to get elected and inflict pain on the rest of us (108)
(Boston Globe) Dumbass Prison nurse falls in love with convicted rapist, smuggles weapons and prison guard disguise into his cell, and helps plot daring escape. Next week on Prison Bre-- I mean last week in Massachusetts (36)
(MSNBC) Hero Hundreds of US Marines killed at Tarawa in '43 may be coming home soon (67)
(DFW Star-Telegram) Asinine Man shoots teen in the butt because he was "looking at him in a mean way" (62)
(Yahoo) Interesting Thief uses lubricant to swipe $30,000 ring from elderly woman's hand. Will soon be behind bars, where he'll find other uses for lubricant (37)
(CNN) Ironic Completely unaware of irony, CNN breathlessly reports on the problems of the media frenzy in the Caylee Anthony case (80)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this warhead (52)
(Newsweek) Scary Secret pro-anorexia groups are now moving to public forums like Facebook. Secret pro-sammich group remain surreptitious, delicious (139)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Good News: New study shows women don't want foreplay, would prefer it if men just got busy. Bad news: They want sex to last 16.2 minutes. Oh, and drink pomegranate juice -- it makes you horny (207)
(Google) Strange Riot at Nerf factory: Thank God no one was hurt (65)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 186: "At the End of the Day". Difficulty: No sunsets (179)

Wed November 26, 2008
(OK! Magazine) Unlikely A pack of cheerleading nuns attempt to convert hundreds of basketball fans to Christianity (58)
(London Times) Weird Japanese toy company unveils "yellow cards" with cryptic abbreviations that young people can use to freely insult bosses and elders without their knowledge. RTFYC (88)
(CNN) Sad More people visiting food banks for help. "I have a master's degree. I shouldn't have to do this" (395)
(Boston Globe) Scary Due to economic downturn Harvard stops hiring staff, throwing money tossing parties (34)
(WTAE-TV) Dumbass Problem - someone took the mall parking spot you wanted. Solution: chase down another driver and threaten him with a hammer (37)
(City Pages) Obvious Reporter spends a week homeless, reports that being homeless sucks. Ric Romero nods approvingly, takes a pull of Night Train (60)
(The Smoking Gun) Amusing Jimmy Connors mugshot. Dig that jacket, man (75)
(UPI) Unlikely In an effort to eliminate the Gall wasp, a species that threatens to decimate the native Coral and Wiliwili trees Hawaii imports the Tanzanian wasp. What could possibly go wrong? (57)
(Some Scary Autistic Kid) Stupid Autistic 8-year-old girl kicked out of Girl Scout troop for "scaring the four other girls." Because, you know, it's not like your precious snowflakes will ever have to learn to get along with someone who's different, right? (192)
(AL.com) Scary State advises all Alabama schools they may not make payroll for teachers, staff due to funding shortfalls ... again (68)
(News 10 ABC Sacramento) Scary In case you ever find a car parked in front of your house that's leaking a fluid, don't assume it's oil (37)
(ABC News) Sick Store refuses to pay worker's comp to family after employee is murdered at work for being black. Fark: because the killer's racism established a "personal connection" (141)
(Some Athiest) Dumbass "God is doing his job watching out for us. For that, I am grateful," says idiot whose burned-out house was looted of children's Christmas presents (161)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this gloomy garage (69)
(MSNBC) Amusing "Churches: Chocolate Jesus is 'tasteless.'" Marshmallow Muhammed and Peanut Butter Buddha, on the other hand, pronounced excellent (87)
(Washington Post) Interesting Studies say attending religious services may extend life, but is it a life worth living having to listen to some boring preacher with a hangover on Sunday morning??? (185)
(AP) Followup Myspace hoax mom guilty of only 3 misdemeanors. Still no cure for white trash (236)
(CBS Sacramento) Scary 21 killed while stealing gasoline from an overturned gas tanker in Ghana (83)
(Florida Today) Florida Casey Anthony's internet search terms included "neck breaking" and "how to make cholorform"; submitter's searches include "clearing search history" (158)
(The Local (Germany)) Sick "Anything to declare, sir?" "No." "Um -- what about this maggot-infested monkey head?" "I thought that was duty-free" (51)
(Daily Mail) Scary Man decides to take his ball and go home, then things get all stabby (40)
(Seattle Times) Strange Starbucks: The ideal place to sell your stolen 18-carat gold bookmark that used to belong to Hitler (52)
(Houston Chronicle) Interesting There are so many phones smuggled into Texas prisons, officials are considering installing cell phone jamming technology (115)
(The Consumerist) Amusing Family gets locked inside a Sears while shopping. In other news, people still shop at Sears (141)
(AZCentral) Obvious On one of the busiest travel days of the year, Arizona celebrates by setting up photo radar every 20 miles on the Interstate 10 to encourage $afety (220)
(Herald Tribune) Florida Not news: Mom explains sex to her 15-year-old daughter. Still not news: Does the same with her two teen friends. Fark: By having sex with 15-year-old boy while daughter, friend watch (216)
(Gawker) Weird Ad Agency guy who taped two employees farking in a cubicle gets farked himself (64)
(Orlando Sentinel) Florida Problem: elementary art teacher and his eight-year old student have artistic differences. Solution: punch the kid (42)
(Naples Daily News) Florida Eyes glazed, jail escapees are going back in the hole. Icing: they were re-captured at donut shop (25)
(SacBee) Silly Woman faces ten years in prison for embezzling from a pear orchard. LOLWUT (52)
(Big Picture) Dumbass The current bailout package is larger than the Marshall Plan, Louisiana Purchase, moon race, S&L crisis, Korean War, Vietnam War, Iraq War, and NASA. Combined (227)
(PhysOrg.com) Obvious According to researchers, the secret to happiness at work is remembering why you loved the job to begin with. No word on what to do when the receptionist with the nice cans, killer legs, and do-me-now eyes leaves for a better position (73)
(AP) Scary You better watch out, you better not cry. You better watch out or you might just die. Terrorist plot is coming to town (52)
(craigslist) Amusing Best. Craigslist. Car. Ad. Ever. Bonus: free MC Hammer pants (178)
(Reuters) News Terrorist shootings at several different locations in Mumbai (558)
(Some Turkeypiggy) Cool Happy Thanksbacon (81)
(Charleston Gazette) Amusing Yes, pizza and beer go great together, but not when you're the delivery guy  T-Shirt (59)
(My Fox Atlanta) Fail Fire Chief: "She was extremely upset saying the material was possessed by voodoo spirits and she was trying to cleanse the apartment of the spirits" (63)
(Google) Interesting Jurors deliberating on Lori Drew's fate say they've reached a unanimous conclusion on verdicts but one remains hung (291)
(ABC News) Sad Cities beg for bailouts, saying they will have to cut back supervision crews from 5 to 4 supervisors per ditch-digger (105)
(Slate) Obvious "Food writers hate Thankgiving. Every fall, we come up with a gimmick when the meal essentially has to stay the same. It's like redrawing the Kama Sutra when readers really only care about the missionary position" (152)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these African tribal masks (65)
(Some Guy) Scary 7-Eleven introduces its own line of gourmet brands including Dried-up Lint Covered Hot Dog on a Bun , Rat-tail Jerky and Green Potato Kettle Chips (74)
(Some trailer park) Dumbass Guy who claims wife accidentally electrocuted during wild kinky sex maybe shouldn't have told friend "he would make her death look like wild kinky sex to outsmart the cops" (101)
(WBBM) Unlikely What's worse than lying in a stretcher with a spinal injury? Lying in a stretcher with a spinal injury while getting punched in the balls (88)
(Chicago Tribune) Misc Group warns of toys that may be harmful to children. This year's report is the shortest ever, reading simply "China" (48)
(FARK) Strange It's the Annual Thanksgiving Eve Draw A Hand Turkey For Mom Contest. VE. LGT last year's (71)
(C|Net) Interesting The Japanese say that they have the first robot that can act on stage. America disagrees, unveils Keanu Reeves (132)
(Ahab) Fail Not News: Gun company publishes catalog. Still not news: Prints letter of endorsement from retired FBI sniper on the back. Fark: The sniper that fatally shot an unarmed woman in the face at Ruby Ridge (308)
(Some Guy) Silly Grass fire ignites trailer fire. Takes 15 minutes to extinguish pot plants inside. It would have taken only five, but the flames were going like 1,000 miles an hour (27)
(USA Today) Sappy It's time to break out your wallet and help those poor people who, year after year, build their homes right in the path of wildfires (96)
(USA Today) Sad Unless you work for AIG or another bailout-funded company, chances are your corporate holiday party just won't have the same crackle as in past years (117)
(Chester Chronicle) Silly Strip club to start selling advertising space on dancers' bottoms. Fark: Google thought to be particularly interested (238)
(MSN) Interesting "The benefits of beer." Finally, scientific research we can agree needed to be done  T-Shirt (71)
(USA Today) Amusing If you're already sick of "It's A Wonderful Life" reruns, don't move to Seneca Falls, NY. Seriously. Don't even go near the place (81)
(Telegraph) Weird He may only have reached 54, but he certainly packed some interesting things into his life. Including working as a racehorse sex therapist, designing a skateboard for a turtle and making a fish attractor (23)
(News.com.au) Amusing Japanese zoo fails at stage one of its polar bear breeding program because none of its staff can tell the difference between a boy bear and a girl bear (57)
(USA Today) Interesting Overcrowded airports, asinine airline policies, and an incompetent TSA have lowered the demand of air travel to the point where tickets are almost affordable (84)
(Some Butcher) Weird "Yesterday, for the sixth week in a row, a pile of meat was found on the common - and no one knows why it's there or who is putting it there" (51)
(USA Today) Interesting USA Today discovers that there are mad sales on the Friday after Thanksgiving, a day some people have taken to calling "Black Friday." (78)
(Washington Post) Sad Number of Americans on food stamps is poised to exceed 30 million for the first time this month. Happy Thanksgiving (200)
(The Argus) Weird Man commits suicide with yew berries after his breast implant business falls flat (53)
(Telegraph) Cool Before you head off to work today, have a quick gander at the Telegraph's picks for top 20 optical illusions (76)
(Some Guy) Asinine Truancy judge wants to put electronic monitoring GPS devices on students who skip class too often. Those students would be tracked 24 hours a day, seven days a week at a cost of $2,000.00 per student (99)
(Daily Mail) Spiffy The artist who can turn a market stall into a masterpiece. The one made out of seafood is worth the price of admission (46)
(Pittsburgh Channel) Scary What better way to celebrate $2 a gallon gas than having a geyser of it shooting nearly 100 feet in the air? Granted it was an accident, but now everyone in the area knows gasoline flows in their own backyard (24)
(The Onion) Amusing "Blue Angels hold first-ever open tryouts, 87 dead, 243 injured in day 1 of weeklong event" (69)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this frigid fisherman (46)
(Washington Post) Weird There are groups of people calling themselves vampires. At last, Scientologists have someone to look down on  T-Shirt (236)
(Lincoln Journal Star) Stupid If you're a state employee escorting a developmentally disabled sex offender to an appointment it's probably a not a great idea to stop and buy him porn. Twice (36)
(Springfield) Sick Couple arrested after the discovery of 124 cats in their home. Fark: "This is the first [case] I've been to where the people were actually sleeping with dead carcasses" (105)
(dcist) PSA If you're going to rob a bank and use a cab as your getaway vehicle, don't pay the driver in dye-stained bills, and for the love of god wear some underpants (9)
(Yahoo) Fail Man doesn't think his plan all the way through, steals 3-year-old's identity (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting Unaffected by economic woes, comic books for children - or 'graphic novels' as people who read them prefer to call them - soar (167)
(Daily Mail) Unlikely Nanny State hopes to dissuade people from drinking by putting calorie counts on bottles, like one beer equals one sausage roll. Bet you can't drink 12 sausage rolls (43)
(Rocky Mountain News) Dumbass Not news: Smoking can kill you. Fark: It also can cost you $300,000 if your cigarette starts a 120 acre wildfire (37)
(ABC News) Obvious "Bailout" is Merriam-Webster's 2008 Word of the Year (32)
(AZCentral) Unlikely Mayor of Phoenix asks all city employees to work one day each month without pay. Good luck with that (81)

Tue November 25, 2008
(OK! Magazine) Weird Brother and sister claim their incest is fine because they didn't meet until they were 18. Bonus: It's all the Third Reich's fault (236)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Investigation shows that it actually does cost airlines $15 to haul first checked bag, and that they only roger you for additional bags. So that's something (46)
(OK! Magazine) Unlikely Yes, we may be gay. Yes, we may also be penguins. But we have rights  T-Shirt (48)
(AP) Dumbass A drunk driver leads police on a chase on the freeway, through a ditch and barbed wire fence where he stopped and put the truck in park. As he tumbled out he realized too late that the truck was in reverse and ran over both his legs. Ta da (16)
(Canada.com) Stupid Canada's most PC campus declares cystic fibrosis racist. Stay tuned for their declaration that testicular cancer is sexist (219)
(CNN) News Former first lady Barbara Bush has been hospitalized in Texas for tests (141)
(Reuters) Stupid Health officials have found traces of melamine in a U.S. baby formula, but they're not saying which brand because it's no big deal. All of the Chinese babies who died earlier this year from the same poisoning unavailable for comment (91)
(ABC News) Dumbass Minnesotan, Texan get prison for deer smuggling. That's what they get for trying to pass the buck (25)
(Reuters) Interesting Iran says their rise in AIDS cases is from increased sexual contact. That's heterosexual contact, because, no one in Iran has teh ghey (120)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Guys play "hot potato" with Molotov cocktail, while failing to realize drawback of new-fangled plastic bottles (31)
(LiveLeak) Scary Must-see video for anyone travelling by air over the holidays (152)
(News.com.au) Fail Final cost for Catholic Church's World Youth Day festival in Australia six times higher than originally estimated, as organizers failed to appreciate how much sacrificial wine 120,000 Australians can actually consume (34)
(News.com.au) Scary Japanese man tries to make tentacle porn on a budget (62)
(AJC) Sad 35% of surveyed Georgia teachers: "Um, I'm not qualified for this position." Feds: "Shut up SHUT UP." (59)
(Baltimore Sun) Amusing Teen Wolf wannabe attempts "car surfing" stunt, loses grip, flies off roof, ends up in hospital; Buffy not impressed (24)
(WPXI) Weird Preaching naked at the pulpit? That's a taserin'  T-Shirt (20)
(Some Guy) Fail Best way to get a pesky squirrel out of your attic? A leaf blower, some cayenne pepper, and $70,000 (37)
(Mercury News) Spiffy Teen boys with nothing better to do create fake MySpace and get a teacher arrested for trying to hook up with "15-year-old Jackie" (105)
(Some Guy) Scary "Nurse Caught Drunk Twice." Maybe on his third try the drunk will run faster  T-Shirt (22)
(NWCN) Obvious Seattle "Pay what you want" store forced to close. Ric Romero investigating (48)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not news: 22 arrested at underage drinking party. News: Party was being held to honor friend who died as a result of an underage drinking party. Fark: Cops found out about the party via Facebook (32)
(AP) PSA A holiday travel tip: Driving behind a flatbed chicken truck can give you all kinds of horrible chicken germs (19)
(The Smoking Gun) Followup Gross/hilarious police report on Nebraska guy who lathered his privates in Baby Magic lotion and then left "prints" on windows and doors of city businesses. Bonus: Pervy spree occurred in city of Valentine (55)
(Boston Globe) Photoshop Photoshop the ruler of Dubai (51)
(Some Guy) Asinine British socialized health service opens new clinic for compulsive gamblers - adjacent to three casinos (30)
(News.com.au) Obvious McCain announces intention run for reelection to Senate in 2010, expresses joy that he doesn't need to pick a Vice Senator running mate (165)
(Stuff) Dumbass Taking your 11-year-old son to work is a cool thing to do, especially if you drive an 8-ton front-loader, but you probably shouldn't give him his own vehicle (15)
(Minneapolis Star Tribune) Amusing He...Could..Go...All...The...Way (116)
(News.com.au) Dumbass 1) Steal a car. 2) Steal a GPS from another car. 3) Cram a bunch of your friends into the car, utilizing all compartments. 4) Draw as much attention to yourselves as possible. 5) RUN (10)
(National Review) Scary Wind-farm subsidies push energy prices so low that they create *negative* power prices. You could "build a giant toaster in West Texas and be paid by generators to operate it." Which is obviously a frakkin' bad idea (113)
(ABC News) Interesting How to have a happy Thanksgiving even if you're in some godforsaken foreign place, like Rome, London or Buffalo (75)
(Miami Herald) Florida Florida ban on gay adoptions ruled unconstitutional. So if you adopted a gay in Florida, you're cool now  T-Shirt (310)
(Guardian.com) Unlikely British strip club group head states that lap dancing is not sexual. Perhaps it isn't if Janet Reno is the one giving the lap dance (55)
(SFGate) Amusing After years of losing out to lurid descriptions of raunchy wagnerian shire sex and lurid descriptions of Hitler's parents in coitus, John Updike can take solace in a lifetime achievement award for bad sex in literature  T-Shirt (33)
(Some Guy) Spiffy The taste tester for the urine-to-water recycling system aboard the International Space Station confirms it works (78)
(Wonkette) Fail AIG spending its $150 billion in taxpayers' bailout money sending idiotic emails demanding "clarification" from comedy website (68)
(eBay) Spiffy Stephen Colbert auctioning off his faux fur boots he wore in his Christmas Special to charity. They could be the greatest gift of all (48)
(USA Today) Obvious Evangelicals adopting Advent because A) their church services are so boring, B) they need countdown on how many shopping days left, C) their kids kept whining about not getting cool calendars with candy, or D) it's trademark-free (110)
(The Hollywood Reporter) Asinine NBC announces midseason schedule and clearly knows what fans have been craving: Howie Mandel hidden-camera show  T-Shirt (57)
(Defamer) Ironic Quote whoredaddy Jeff Lyons defends quotewhoreson Ben Lyons against old putz Roger Ebert. Comments call Jeff a douche, Ben a sonuvadouche (32)
(LA Times) Asinine Next salvo fired in War on Thanksgiving™: L.A. area kids banned from sharing feast dressed up as pilgrims and Native Americans because it's "too demeaning". Gobble gobble (171)
(MSNBC) Unlikely Biologists whose video of treadmill-running shrimp became YouTube sensation tell "Today Show" their research isn't silly junk science intended to make them famous  T-Shirt (73)
(AP) Dumbass Again, if you're going to pose as a cop and pull people over, don't put the video on YouTube (27)
(Chicago Sun-Times) Unlikely Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Gitmo) may ask President Bush to release imprisoned former Illinois governor George Ryan. Bush spokesman said they'll get right on it, makes jerking-off motion with hand (90)
(NBC Chicago) NewsFlash Massive emergency response going on at Chicago City Hall as suspicious material is found. Submitter counts 8 ambulances and 5 fire trucks so far (142)
(Cracked) Amusing 20 GI Joe vehicles that never killled anyone, other than maybe the operator. Still no cure for Cracked Lists (176)
(Great Falls Tribune) Dumbass If you're going to total a couple of school buses after stealing them for a joyride, keep in mind that their audio/video recorders are very durable and will be running the whole time (33)
(Some Guy) Florida Not News: Man flies RC plane over a house, News: Owner of house steals the transmitter and assaults the plane's owner, Fark: That's a felony (87)
(Comedy Central) Video She's a moose hunting maverick governor. The best Sarah Palin moments from The Daily Show (127)
(Pattaya Daily News) Strange When you find a "strong odor" emanating from your neighbor's condo, who went to go buy bacon about a week ago, just let it go, because man you don't wanna know what's in there . 'Just let it go' trifecta complete (106)
(Free Press) PSA Apparently, you can take a class on steering the butt of a giant cow through a parade (31)
(Bloomberg) Followup Treasury regulators put together $306 billion rescue in all-night session fueled by Domino's pizza, so it should come as no surprise that they were willing to pay so much money for such toxic, foul-smelling crap (75)
(ocala.com) Florida DUI suspect strips naked when asked to remove her shoes (79)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Toddler manages to get set of car keys lodged in his brain. "Cool, I wish there was an X-ray of THAT," you muse. Hey, guess what (121)
(DC examiner) Obvious Former Bush Aide indicted, blah blah blah, theft, fraud, embezzlement of taxpayer money, yadda, yadda, yadda- so hey how's that search for Obama's puppy going? (122)
(Topless Robot) Amusing As god as my witness, someone thought these turkeys (of Thanksgiving TV Specials) could fly (85)
(Telegraph) Sad Goddamn Batman to be killed off. Goddamn (309)
(NYPost) Amusing Finally, proof of God's existence: Ann Coulter's jaw wired shut  T-Shirt (405)
(Gawker) Followup Gawker blogger has found out who hired a private investigator to dig up dirt on him because of something he'd written, gives the culprit one chance to fess up privately (71)
(Hartford Courant) Asinine Patrons at shooting range complain about having to shoot into baffles. Owner removes baffles. Neighboring houses shot up for 6 months before somebody decides this might be a problem (199)
(Some Guy) Asinine Defense in cyberbullying suicide case argues that since "nobody reads" the end-user agreements on websites, they shouldn't be held accountable for violating them. Worth noting that Congress approaches laws the same way (339)
(ABC Action News) Interesting 5 things your car mechanic won't tell you. Oddly missing from the list: This will be expensive, We're laughing at you, and I just made it worse (179)
(ABC News) Interesting U r stnd-in in bum p n bout 2 b mugd. lol (43)
(News.com.au) Sad The price of dissent. What happens when a green environmentalist that campaigns against the destruction of the Earth's biodiversity questions global warming (565)
(Media Buyer/Planner) Followup Half of terrestrial radio has only three years to live, enabling the remaining stations to reduce their playlists to "Sussudio" and the EAS signal (130)
(ABC News) Obvious Study conducted by retailers claims Black Friday will have fewer crowds, and retailers will have to offer better deals to combat this. Gee, that's not suspicious (77)
(Commercial Appeal) Stupid Suspect rises from wheelchair, flees with beer. Bonus, previously tried wheelchair vs police car (13)
(Billings Gazette) Amusing Completely hammered? Check. No pants? Check. I'm ready, let's go get some more beer. With "thank God it's not from the waist-down" picture joy (41)
(AP) Unlikely "In future years we may look back at the Great Mexican Tortilla Crisis of 2006 as the time when ethanol lost its vroom." Mexican Tortilla Crisis? (90)
(CNN) Followup Remember when the Indian government said they sunk the pirate mothership? A Thai crewman from the sunken boat found after six days floating adrift in the Gulf of Aden strongly disagrees (88)
(Denver Post) Stupid Judges report more fools are representing themselves in the courtroom (138)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this reflected neon light (80)
(AP) Asinine Whoville in Louisville? No, sir there will not, can not, and should not be a Whoville in Louisville. Not in a park, not in the dark, not without Dr. Seuss Enterprise's consent no matter the city's intent (70)
(CNN) Scary How the holidays may kill your pets. Happy holidays, from CNN. ps EVERYBODY PANIC (77)
(BBC) Fail Oman, Kenya believe it? If you're sailing around Africa or near the Middle East, try and stay away from Somalia because there's a good chance you'll lose your Djbouti. Yemen, seriously (120)
(Middle East Online) Obvious Saudi analyst figures out who is behind the Somali pirates. Hint: It begins with a "J" and rhymes with "Mews" (123)
(Yahoo) Interesting More Britons believe in aliens than in God. Considering they also believe they'll win another World Cup, this is not all that surprising (117)
(Dallas News) Amusing Dallas Constable hosts $25 unlimited beer and wings fundraiser at a Hooters. (It's a trap) (61)
(Forbes) Silly 40-somethings take Facebook more personally and seriously than 20-somethings. 46-year old subby will BRB, has a zombie to deal with (104)
(WDEF news 12 / CNN) Strange This has everything: strangely possessive headline, oddly capitalized text, and animal rights groups accepting monkeys in clothes waiting tables thanks to short shifts (24)
(Metro) Amusing If you have to steal from someone, don't steal from a billboard operator, or you may see your giant picture all over town (35)
(Wordpress) Strange Studies show that what people really want at a funeral is fun. Subby proposes an open bar and a bobbing for apples basin (138)
(USA Today) Obvious In today's (F5) tough financial times (F5), Web destinations are (F5) helping to keep (F5) people sane (F5F5F5). DAMMIT WHERE ARE THE NEW LINKS??? (F5) (41)
(BBC) Amusing Man jailed for singing "Spiderpig" to cops (66)
(Miami Herald) Followup TARP that wasn't a TARP is back to being a TARP again. It's a tarp (107)
(NW Florida Daily News) Florida Group of fifth graders discovered snickering at drawing of a penis on school bathroom wall. Time to call the sheriff's department (107)
(CBC) Fail A Canadian guide to coping with winter. Beer, poutine, and doggie-style when Hockey Night in Canada is on the teevee conspicuously absent (67)
(kenosha news) Dumbass Man pleads Not Guilty to 11th D.U.I. Because flipping your car, having a 0.319 blood-alcohol level, and telling the cop you're drunk doesn't prove anything (46)
(New York Daily News) Stupid 37-year old elementary school teacher says she shouldn't have been fired for teaching a 17-year male model what a cougar is .... OH GOD, MY EYES (255)
(Telegraph) Weird Makers of fake heated penises face jail, proving that you should only ever heat a genuine penis (54)
(Chicago Tribune) Dumbass Turkey: check. Mashed Potatoes: check. Thanksgiving Liability and Indemnification Agreement: chec--wait, what? (25)
(ABC Action News) Sappy Ugly assed white tigers make zoo debut. With ugly assed pictures (48)
(Marketwatch) Fail GDP revision of US 3Q shows sharper contraction, which may mean it's closer to giving birth to DOOM (128)
(MSNBC) Scary One night in Bangkok and your flight is canceled, the guns are real and the nuts are free (64)
(London Times) Interesting Sex, Nazis, gigolos and a really really rich and gullible woman. This story has everything except beer, so bring your own beer (43)
(TampaBays10.com) Followup Guy arrested for trying to save his pets from a burning building admitted "he had been drinking, which we think was part of the problem." With mug shot goodness (81)
(USA Today) Interesting Orszag picked as budget director. Aragorn readies his sword (47)
(London Times) Fail Cool new trends for Winter: Tights for men. Because nothing impresses her more than frozen junk (119)
(USA Today) Stupid TSA spends $1.3 million on ad campaign to convince fliers that senseless security checks and full body pat-downs by obese high school dropouts is all part of the fun travel experience (137)
(USA Today) Obvious You know post-traumatic battle stress is real when even deskbound four-star generals get it (80)
(9 News) Sad Man wins two cars in 10 days. Then his luck changes and he wins tickets to a Chiefs game (74)
(KTVZ) Interesting Prescription drugs make you Sleepy and Dopey? Doc prescribes medical marijuana which makes you Happy, and others Sneezy. If the Feds find out, you'll be Bashful then Grumpy (42)
(Daily Mail) Hero Rugby is a game played by men with odd shaped bombs (71)
(Google) Followup Jet pack pilot successfully flies across 1,500-foot-wide canyon. Paris Hilton not impressed (71)
(SLTrib) Dumbass "Son, you got a panty on your head" (73)
(Lincoln Journal Star) Fail Contenders for dumbest criminals of 2008 try to put a stolen 55" big screen TV in the backseat of a car; when that doesn't work they offer a neighbor of the victim $100 to store it for them until they can come back with a truck (34)
(News.com.au) Interesting Killer lesbians to be separated, Farkers volunteer to get between them (77)
(Fox News) Amusing Shopper clubs an alleged carjacker with frozen turkey as he tried to steal a car in a grocery store parking lot. God as my witness (44)
(USA Today) PSA If you're a SWAT team member and are packing up after a standoff, don't forget your assault rifle (74)
(CBS Sacramento) Scary California Supreme Court: Cops can use evidence found in illegal traffic stops (212)
(Google) Photoshop Theme: Photoshop a modern-day pirate flag (80)
(Ksdk.com) Scary When you find a "strong odor" emanating from a plastic toolbox in a ditch on the side of the road, just let it go, because man you don't wanna know what's in there . 'Just let it go' trifecta in play (66)
(News.com.au) Strange Entire class of fourth-graders breaks out in mysterious rash. Authorities evacuate classroom. Teacher relieved not to have been taken in for questioning (24)
(AP) Cool "Retro" toys this Christmas can help stretch the dollar. How about Lincoln Logs, a Slinky or "Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots" (182)
(Topless Robot) Amusing Just in time for turkey day, the 10 greatest Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons (34)
(The Sun) Amusing A horrified woman woke to find her parrot having sex with her feather hat - while she was wearing it. Her pet Shrek flew into a lust-filled frenzy after swallowing nine SlimNSexy diet pills (70)

Mon November 24, 2008
(Houston Chronicle) Asinine In a fine display of religious tolerance, Texas jury convicts men of supporting terrorism for donating money to Muslim schools and hospitals (346)
(Daily Mail) Scary In case you didn't have enough to worry about, scientists have discovered a new black plague for the 21st century that jumps from rats to humans (140)
(Some Guy) Amusing First-year students at university welcomed with traditional gifts from senior, including a canoe. "However, officials overseeing the event had to step in and confiscate a pigs head, a salmon and a suitcase filled with cement" (pic) (29)
(OC Register) Sad When you find a "strong odor" emanating from the fridge of an abandoned motor home, just let it go, because man you don't wanna know what's in there (76)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing Strongbad looks odd in real life (56)
(Rocky Mountain News) Amusing That great parking spot for sale in the Vail garage will only set you back $500,000. Fair price, says the spot's owner: "Parking is going up in Vail" (45)
(Mercury News) Scary If you can't trust Trim-Trim the clown not to molest you, then who can you trust? (62)
(Daily Express) Interesting How the Russians tried to bug the Queen of England's teapot (45)
(LA Times) Followup Nothing is certain but death and taxes... and mudslides after a California fire (51)
(ABC News) Followup Air Force says F-15 crash in Nevada was caused by "several factors", including nose cone, fuel tanks, gravity (61)
(Daily Mail) Interesting Italian far-right party offers parents cash incentives to name their kids after Mussolini. Some website owner in Kentucky mulls over free TF subscriptions for people who name their kids after weather events (49)
(MetroWest) Sick "Woman finds feces all over clothes after riding Natick bus." They say that like it's unusual (48)
(Metro) Interesting Working for a bad boss could kill you (61)
(DOD) Amusing Mannheim Steamroller gives away CDs to the troops. The appropriate response is: A) Haven't they suffered enough? B) Thanks, I needed a coaster C) Manheim Steamroller? Weren't they around during the Korean War? (136)
(1010WINS) Obvious New Orleans takes first as the nation's most crimey....crimeiest.......crime ridden city. Suck it Camden (255)
(Daily Mail) Sappy Puny pony has a Christmas wish it would like to express, but it's just a little horse (w/pic) (51)
(CNN) Scary Indonesian province introduces plan to implant HIV patients with tracking microchips. In other news, new "Google AIDS (beta)" mapping application soon to be rolled out in Asia (83)
(Courier Press) Fail Man attempts to bribe police officers with a nice dinner. After they declined, we wisely upped his offer to $10 and a toaster (33)
(News.com.au) Weird Psychiatrists report growing numbers of people who believe their lives are part of a giant reality TV show. Submitter hopes his life is "The Real Cancun" and not "Biggest Loser." (71)
(AZCentral) Interesting I am the very model of a modern Major-General, The very first Hispanic to hold this post quite venerable, I think I was a shoe-in for this post very historical, all thanks to Arizona's Governor Napolitano (95)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this kid cavorting amidst concrete (73)
(Yahoo) Obvious Obama brings change to Washington by stocking his cabinet with lifelong Washington insiders. Wait, what? (651)
(ABC News) Obvious One armed girl swims circles around competition (105)
(Yahoo) Scary In latest proof yet of how dire the world economic crisis has become, Russians have dramatically cut back their consumption of vodak and have turned to drinking cleaning fluids and perfume (112)
(Some Guy) Florida Sheriff's Office evacuated for spilled sweet-n-low (33)
(eBay) Followup Don't bother looking to the sky to see the Astronauts lost toolbag, it landed on a golf course in Minnesota and is up for sale on eBay. Would fraud again A++++++ (115)
(Yahoo) Followup The Big 3 to travel by Caravan for next Congress Meeting. Hummers optional (131)
(CNN) Followup Republican political action committee narrowly beats entire Democratic party in putting out "Thank You Sarah Palin"ad (338)
(Mediabistro) PSA Dumbass & Colmes to be renamed Dumbass (242)
(Fox News) Fail Protip: If you need surgery to remove a kidney stone, pay a little extra for the "Surgeon Who Won't Amputate Your Hands and Feet" option (121)
(Drew) FarkBlog Last week's demographics survey results are in. Short version: real boobs takes 93% of the vote, fake boobs head to the turkey farm (333)
(The Sun) Stupid Nanny State prison officials buy Muslim prisoners $7,000 worth of take-out curry meals so they could celebrate a holiday without having to eat crap like Marmite and beans (67)
(FILM DRUNK) Dumbass Ace Ventura Jr.? - Someone Should Go To Jail For This (166)
(AZCentral) Sick Thieves stab wheelchair-bound man four times, steal backpack containing urine (81)
(Cracked) Stupid 7 kickass possible cures for cancer. Still no cure for Cracked lists (75)
(Daily Mail) Obvious Increasing number of brides seeking counselling for "post-nuptial depression" as they realize married life ain't what they thought it would be. The support group for men who feel the same way meets at the bar at 5 p.m. every day (388)
(CNN) Amusing College football's most unusual trophies. Why would you replace a slab of bacon with an axe? (127)
(KNBC 4 Los Angeles) Unlikely Another fake earthquake hits Southern California. Getting closer guys, but keep trying (24)
(Chicago Tribune) Followup Autopsy reveals that Chicago-area college student died from nitrous oxide; police warn students that when a problem comes along, you must not whippet (133)
(Picayune Item) Weird Woman loses foot in freak accident. She's unidentified, but submitter guesses her name is Eileen (91)
(National Review) Asinine You thrilled to the War on Christmas™. The War on Easter™ made you stand up and cheer. Now get ready for... the War on Thanksgiving™ (631)
(FARK) Spiffy Headlines of the Week: 11/17 - 11/23. Smoke 'em if you got 'em (33)
(Some Killjoy) Stupid Digger the Dog makes the 2008 10 Worst Toys List. Digger, please (159)
(Yahoo) Amusing Obama's team considers giving Monica Lewinsky a job. Bonus quote: "She's a fresh face with a lot to offer" (157)
(Some Guy) Silly Some SQL coder had too much time on their hands, and figured out how to create a Mandelbrot set in T-SQL (102)
(LBEH) Hero Ernie's House of Whoopass is doing it's annual Let's Bring Em Home fundraiser to bring troops home from overseas for the holidays. Help a soldier get laid this Christmas (275)
(Some Monitor) Interesting The year isn't quite over yet, but nothing that happens in December is likely to change the 10 worst corporations of 2008 (98)
(AP) Stupid When Milwaukeeans are shooting each other, it's just a typical day. When the rest of Wisconsinites are shooting each other, it's called deer season (47)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Obvious Finally: Proof of a correlation between MySpace usage and illiteracy (119)
(Wall Street Journal) Interesting Scientists build a case for banning Viagra from sports. Why do they have to be so hard on athletes? (35)
(Newsblaze) Obvious The JFK conspiracy torch still burns brightly. In other news, tin foil hats are still free (179)
(TKMaxx) Amusing If you recently purchased a decorative walking stick and discovered a concealed ninja sword inside, TKMaxx would like to offer you and the TSA its sincerest apologies (91)
(BBC) Interesting UK funding body to assess possibility of British space missions, still hoping to put a man on the surface of the Earth (41)
(ABC Action News) Obvious Applebee's Weight Watchers menus make your ass even bigger than their regular menus. Here comes the big-ass lawsuit (241)
(Pontiac) Misc Finally some good news out of Detroit , they're giving away free cars. (Sponsored Link) (85)
(Daily Mail) Amusing World's worst jockey wins first race in 28 years - and still finds a way to almost lose that one too (pic) (22)
(Fox News) Weird War between nudists and swingers leads to arson. France surrenders (50)
(Maxim) Amusing 10 unsung heroes of the James Bond movies (55)
(Free Press) Stupid Proving yet again why Detroit should get their own tag: The new mayor is now under investigation (73)
(WBBM) News Obama say we 'need a big stimulus package." In related news, that's what she said (216)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this light fixture (65)
(9 News) Scary Woman cooking four turkeys to host 32 strangers from Craigslist for Thanksgiving dinner. Of course, if they're like most people from Craigslist, only two will show up (71)
(Some Guy) Sick Not News: Necrophilia illegal in Wisconsin. News: Even when you wear a condom. Fark: Febreze-to-go advertisement on the bottom of the page (84)
(Connecticut Post) Obvious That bottle of "Extra Virgin Olive Oil" at the dollar store just might not be 100% olive oil. Or even 50%. How about 10%? Who knew? (96)
(BBC) Stupid Internet security company digs deep and pulls huge number out of its ass, says credit card fraudsters have stolen $5.3 billion. If only there were somewhere one could purchase Internet security products (40)
(Yahoo) Obvious The sword-wielding lunatic shot by a security guard at the Scientology church? Yep. He used to be a member. Obvious tag auditing Follow-up tag's engrams (114)
(Yahoo) Scary Headline: "October existing home sales fall by 3.1%." Hey, that's not so bad... Article: largest year-over-year drop in median sales price in history. EVERYBODY FORECLOSE (107)
(Canada.com) Scary "He knew something was terribly wrong when the man in his passenger seat pulled a shotgun from his pants" (41)
(Daily Express) Followup Keep an eye out on the sky at 6:22 pm this Friday; if you're lucky you'll see a floating toolkit (85)
(CNN) Obvious CNN reports the top 25 best cities to find a job, assuming you don't mind milking cows or shoveling manure (225)
(Homestar Runner) Amusing Hey, Stinkoman... what are you think you're doing? (57)
(Some Guy) Fail Take your kid to work day protip: If it's a tobacco store, don't let the kid play with lighters (29)
(Some Guy) Cool Monster tailgate party shaping up after thieves steal four tractor trailers full of frozen chicken and booze. And since it was in Canada, they took some snow tires too (25)
(Wikipedia) Interesting 37 years ago today D.B. Cooper got away with the greatest unsolved airline hijacking ever...maybe (108)
(BBC) PSA This just in: Solar powered zombies have invaded Spain (57)
(Some Dromedary) Obvious Mind yøu, camel bites can be vëri painful (62)
(WBBM) Spiffy In depth statistical breakdown of the Thanksgiving meal. Dazzle your 9-person gathering with your knowledge (101)
(Danbury News Times) Silly In scenic Western Connecticut a battle rages quietly, fought on the utility poles and in the editorial pages: what is the sensitive, politically correct term for a dead squirrel? (69)
(Flickr) Photoshop Photoshop this pseudo sailor (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting If they can get up that early, there is a rally planned at 8:00 AM to support 'The Kindred Café' for medical marijuana users after it was raided by a dozen police in response to "community complaints" (99)
(The Sun) Amusing British juror was kicked off a trial after using Facebook to ask pals if they thought the defendants were guilty (36)
(Daily Mail) Stupid Nanny State wants to empower its subjects to rat on their neighbors for speeding. What could possibly go wrong? (85)
(News.com.au) Weird Today's little known fact: In an emergency, you can repair a broken fan belt with a snake (38)
(St. Petersburg Times) Florida Lose your brother's hat? That's a stabbin' (40)
(CBC) Cool Modern Day Robin Hoods: Students running underground junk food trade donate profits to charity (33)
(Some Guy) Scary Thanks for coming to Chuck E. Cheese's today. Oh, you're leaving with someone elses kid? Go right ahead. Come back soon (76)
(Telegraph) Silly Surgeon builds $2M doghouse for her two great Danes. Suck it Labs (84)
(Boston Herald) Weird If you left a piano out in the middle of the woods, the police in Massachusetts would like to know just what the hell you had in mind (133)
(News.com.au) Silly You know who else liked genetically modifying canola? (55)
(ABC2News Baltimore) Obvious Unhappy people watch more TV, don't leave their mom's basement (50)
(News.com.au) Unlikely China's second richest man to give it all back to the glorious state (41)
(CBS Sacramento) Scary So it begins: Banks force customers to take off hats so surveillance cameras get a clear shot of your face (286)

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