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Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun November 23, 2008
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Security guard shoots The Last Samurai  |
(8) |
| (Columbia Tribune) |  |
If your state allows one armed, one legged, blind men to shoot at deer, it might be run by rednecks |
(10) |
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You've just caused a serious accident. Do you a) make sure everybody's ok, b) offer assistance, or c) have fast food delivered to the crash site? |
(24) |
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Florida town to rename street after Obama. Thats interchange we can believe in |
(33) |
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Dog enjoys surfing, uses tail as a rudder. Jeez, they'll start playing poker next |
(10) |
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You come to Fark.com in part because we show you what happens when a big-ass snake eats a few golf balls. Well, here's your slideshow |
(39) |
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The aptly-named Strange family insist their couch is haunted. Listen for yourself. If you dare |
(63) |
| (Some King) |  |
Photoshop this royal abode | (47) |
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Train passengers launch sardine campaign to protest how crammed passenger compartments are |
(39) |
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Shots fired on Georgian and Polish presidental convoy |
(70) |
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Ted "DSL" Haggard returns as another scum of Earth, an insurance salesman |
(94) |
| (The Guardian) | |
If two consenting, adult men want to row across the Indian Ocean naked I don't see how that's anyone's business but their own |
(39) |
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The labels on liquor bottles are there to encourage responsible drinking. Researchers shocked to find out people use them to see what will get them drunk the fastest |
(118) |
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When life give you lemons, you make lemonade. When you are trapped in a bathtub for three days, you drink bathwater |
(61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The most creative/humiliating dog grooming gallery you will see all day. Your dog wants his dignity back |
(67) |
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Family therapist who conducts "Dynamic Parenting Courses" to correct negative patterns in children's behaviors, charged with two counts of domestic battery including strangulation of his 15-year-old stepson |
(55) |
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Kremlin orders 3,200 female white mice, but nobody knows why- meanwhile, massive search for Ford Prefect, Arthur Dent, Trillian and Zaphod Beeblebrox now under way |
(61) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Sign of the times: A Colorado couple opens up their farm for people to pick free vegetables left over from the harvest. 40,000 people show up |
(87) |
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Memo to Jewish neo-Nazis - YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG |
(143) |
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Fallujah KFC: Winning hearts and minds one Iraqi at a time. Well, maybe not the hearts |
(63) |
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Ooooh, pretty colored bacon |
(64) |
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NBC-Universal axed The Weather Channel's Environmental unit during "green week". No word on where ManBearPig is |
(47) |
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Islamists surround Somali pirates, demand that they just give them the gasoline and walk away. What could possibly go wrong? |
(152) |
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Father of kid who committed suicide in front of a webcam says it's the Internet's fault that his kid committed suicide |
(348) |
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Experts warn cheap gas prices will not last so enjoy it while you can |
(146) |
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8th grade drug Ed. pamphlet: "have a reliable dealer" ... allow time to "come down" so it doesn't interfere with work or study |
(116) |
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Six firefighters on a truck are racing down a Manhattan street while another firetruck with six firefighters are also racing down a Manhattan street: At what point will they collide? |
(55) |
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Illinois requests state police to obey speed limits, or at least stay close to the limit, and not talk on the cell phone so much |
(47) |
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Architectural firm suggests converting swimming pools into mother-in-law apartments. No word on whether they would be drained first |
(24) |
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Strange warning labels include a priceless capture inside the mind of every basement dwelling Star Wars geek |
(48) |
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My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. My father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must sue you for $1 million | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this meager man and his medals | (49) |
| (Civil Literacy Report) |  |
The short bus is getting crowded. Here's your chance to find out if you're driving or riding. Most have already earned their tag |
(288) |
| (Sunday Mail) | |
How do we keep the prisoners occupied so they don't fight, stay off drugs, and out of trouble? Start a poker school, and have the taxpayers fund it of course |
(34) |
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Todays news: Thousands gather to cook up world's largest batch of kimchi. Tomorrows news: Air quality in Seoul downgraded to unbreathable |
(27) |
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If you're religious, you're 20 percent less likely to die |
(157) |
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Nanny state commissions statue to honour war hero...but makes it so politically correct it offends everyone |
(105) |
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On Monday, the "Follow-up", "Fail", "Sad" and "Asinine" tags will get into a huge argument over this guy |
(76) |
| (wlwt.com) | |
Phi Drunka Kega to go dry |
(57) |
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Sixty three of the strangest photos you'll see all day. Come for the free range chicken nuggets, stay for Bush and the Easter Bunny |
(28) |
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Internet puppies find homes. Everybody say awwww |
(36) |
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Why women go wild the night before the wedding |
(256) |
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Tired of just hanging in your crib? You can try to be king or queen of the Bar Harbor Bed Race. Just don't get cot trying to sheet |
(9) |
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Man steals over 10 thousand cowboy boots, possibly misled by the title of a fairy tale |
(29) |
| (KWTX) | |
Coolest video of a nighttime rocket test you'll see today |
(31) |
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Man starts mobile pole dancing service with an 8-foot metal pole on a neon-lit platform attached to the back of his bike; "It's all legal. The cops can't really stop us - I'm riding my bike and she's exercising" |
(53) |
| (Tennis Planet) | |
Photoshop this tennis argument | (41) |
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31 year-old Maine teacher is found guilty of having sex with a 13 year-old, gets 30 days. Can you guess the genders? |
(225) |
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Teen "impaled by pickaxe" at party. More fun than you can stake a pick at, apparently |
(79) |
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Barry Manilow: I write the songs that noise ordinance violators are sentenced to listen to |
(72) |
Sat November 22, 2008
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Riots in Guatemalan prisons aren't really anything to lose your head over... unless you're these five guys |
(57) |
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Due to the financial crisis, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation scales back grant growth. Vista sucks |
(95) |
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Mom teaches her daughter how to defend herself from school bullies. Just kidding, she burned the word "WIMP" into her neck |
(127) |
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Waukegan woman sues radio station for "win-a-date-with-a-great-guy" promotion in which they set her up with a rapist |
(102) |
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Co-founder of Slinky company goes down the steps for the last time |
(64) |
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"I feel sexy and attractive so that's the way I act", says 530 pound man who posed nude for a calendar. (with Not safe for work-ish pics) |
(138) |
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Global study finds atheiststic societies tended to have relatively low murder and suicide rates and relatively low incidence of abortion and teen pregnancy, compared to highly religious and devout communities |
(1011) |
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Man, that is so cute -- look at them play together, the best of friends. That's the cutest thi... uh... WTF? | (270) |
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At least two people hit by shots fired inside Southcenter Mall near Seattle |
(158) |
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NYC officials are forcing churches to stop sheltering the homeless |
(77) |
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Another Al Qaeda number two taken out. No, not that one. Not that guy either, the liquid bomb guy |
(68) |
| (Senior Citizen) | |
85-year-old man arrested for stealing 3 pieces of candy. Your Grandpa wants a quarter and bail |
(59) |
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Showing why Georgia schools are so bad, state school superintendent files for bankruptcy after giving away the $1m she won a few months back on "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader". That could have come in handy |
(87) |
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Westboro Church protest draws counter-protest, food fight from high school students, requiring police intervention |
(258) |
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"20 B.C. students sent home for kicking red-haired classmates" Obvious, because the gingers were clearly barbarians threatening the borders of the Empire |
(227) |
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Photoshop these bent bars | (56) |
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You know times are tough when teachers resort to putting ads on tests. What is our children buying? |
(80) |
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Bikers more likely to be limp dick bed wetters. (It's based on a real medical study; please stop hitting me because I'm wearing this t-shirt) |
(108) |
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Man arrested for trying to save his pets from his burning home |
(137) |
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Cassette tapes are making a comeback; pencil sales set to rise |
(234) |
| (Jacksonville Journal-Courier) | |
If your high school closes for the first day of hunting season, you just might be a redneck |
(165) |
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Facing mounting budget deficits, states start hawking surplus stuff online. Need a desk? An airplane? How about an armored personnel carrier? |
(62) |
| (NW Arkansas News Service) | |
Not news: couple sues McDonald's for $3 million. Surprising: they actually have a reasonable complaint. Fark: it involves the wife's nude pics being posted online |
(235) |
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Two of Fark's favorite subjects collide in molecular gastronomy discussion as Mr Wizard meets Iron Chef |
(27) |
| (Belfast Telegraph) | |
Sorry Charlie |
(94) |
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Counseling on alcohol key to teens' sexual health, future Fark headlines |
(27) |
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Millions of Brits set to cry into their warm beer as Nanny State prepares to outlaw Happy Hour as of December 1st |
(144) |
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Daytona Beach puts Santa on the naughty list |
(39) |
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Starbucks is the new McDonald's... for hot beverage lawsuits, anyway |
(179) |
| (Some Reporter) | |
Even in tough times, you can always turn to the wisdom of Ric Romero: "While auto manufacturers and car dealers are being driven into the ground by the economy, now might be the best time to make a deal on a new car" |
(101) |
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Photoshop Theme: Being terrorized by agnostic extremists | (58) |
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Do not taunt dynamite panda |
(66) |
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After an indepth investigation of a two year Mushroom Stamping spree, the Valentine police have finally cracked the case of the Butt Cheek Bandit |
(30) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Kitty the cat rescued from atop a utility pole in time for Caturday |
(440) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bad economy drives up Army recruitment |
(208) |
| (WIOD) | |
Straight from Japan, it's the premium brassiere for men. Or as I like to refer to it, the "bro" (video) | (49) |
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On the same day crossing guard Garry Macnamara received a letter about an award he was getting for 15 years of service another letter came telling him he was fired |
(44) |
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America's best mailman gets probation |
(120) |
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No matter how hard he tried, this guy can not get away from his wife |
(27) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Former porn star Crystal Gunns now a cafeteria and playground aide at NJ school. Specialties include roast beef sandwich and hide the sausage |
(403) |
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One-legged prisoner is on the hop after legging-it away from 3 able-bodied guards |
(33) |
| (Some Gal) | |
Woman spends $13,200 on psychic readings, then sues for fraud when nothing happens. Fortune Teller somehow didn't see it coming |
(52) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this power knot | (42) |
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Comedian gets 45 years jail | For criticising the military junta | He told some very funny jokes | Now he knows he shouldn'ta | Burma slave |
(90) |
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Apparently using the same conversion chart they use for marijuana, police estimate 13 stolen remote controls had a street value of $2,399 |
(74) |
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NYC pet stores required to install fire sprinklers or--barring that--bike-riding guys with red bow-ties and silly laughs |
(37) |
Fri November 21, 2008
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If you chaperone a school field trip don't tap little boys on the shoulder to "shush" them.. especially if their dad is a state trooper |
(276) |
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Teens suddenly realize they bought tickets for the wrong Seth Rogen movie |
(67) |
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Our newest ally in the battle against Piracy on the high seas: Islamist Militants. No, seriously |
(122) |
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Jon Voight says he's still waiting to see Angelina Jolie's twins. Take a freakin' number, Jonny |
(54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Firemen call for backup to help fight off a mountain goat attacking a house |
(16) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Todays lesbian teacher sex scandal is brought to you by Mesa, Texas. w/pic |
(92) |
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TSG mugshot roundup: Show me your hands |
(255) |
| (Durant Democrat) | |
Oklahoma Insurance Commissioner proposes seizing football season tickets if you don't have health insurance. In other news, OU fans are upset |
(133) |
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A former priest who was caught jogging naked must register as a sex offender. Registering means he must forever wear black shirt and white collar so everyone will know he's a sex offender |
(84) |
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Running out of ridiculous things to do, Florida teens now resorting to blow dart drive-bys |
(43) |
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Student arrested for flatulence. That stinks |
(121) |
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Barack Obama Elementary School -- name change you can believe in |
(194) |
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"Sir, you have to take your turban off. This is the United States" |
(385) |
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One in four British men wish their wife would go under the knife. In the age of obesity, "You need a boob job" falls to #3 behind "Hello, Front-butt" and "Pass the cottage cheese" |
(48) |
| (Count Chocula) | |
Bats infest WV school, making many students sick. School officials not sure why the kids got sick but said they are guano find out |
(55) |
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If an FBI agent goes missing in Iran, does nobody question why he was there in the first place? |
(62) |
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Average gas prices fall below $2 a gallon in the U.S. "I think the American consumers are afraid that this is a mirage" Obvious tag shines proudly |
(220) |
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Parents upset that a Miss Teen Texas pageant was hosted by a drag queen and held at a gay bar |
(66) |
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Photoshop these "frosticles" | (48) |
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Obama names Geithner for Treasury, DOW soars in response to close above 8,000 and change |
(228) |
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Savannah St. University campus on lockdown after shooting |
(41) |
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Swiss Army tells wannabe recruits: You can join up if you're a drug addict, but not if you're a vegetarian |
(136) |
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Two-year-old boy takes Viagra four times a day just to stay alive. That must be hard |
(114) |
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Mugshot of guy arrested while wearing prisoner costume for Halloween |
(46) |
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How much is a ticket to Sweden? The Local publishes night life gallery full of gorgeous women and complete euro-trash douchebags |
(165) |
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Quack gets flak for back room whack. OR Whore roars for more hardcore drugs galore |
(25) |
| (Some Homemade Chili Guy) | |
The good news is there is less fat and sodium in fast food. The bad news is there are more veterinary needles |
(26) |
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Nebraska to limit Safe Haven law to only infants, seeing as how no one has left infants so far |
(67) |
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Hillary says "yes" |
(847) |
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District court rules baseball bat is not an accepted means of clearing out those awkward party guests |
(31) |
| (WIOD) | |
" Florida Teen Commits Suicide Before Live Webcam Audience" Out of respect, FOX to wait 24 hours before announcing new reality show | (426) |
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Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger blames Guitar Hero for the lack of bands for them to tour with. Fails to realize that it's probably because no one wants to be associated with them |
(481) |
| (Some Turkey Fryin' Guy) | |
As Thanksgiving approaches, fire chiefs warn of dangers of deep-frying turkeys. In directly related story, Fark braces for rash of "Fail", "Dumbass", and "Florida" submissions |
(133) |
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Forget harajuku girls: Young Japanese women are now dressing like princesses, although it's unclear if they're looking for a short Italian plumber to save them |
(203) |
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Fark-ready headline of the day: "Obama to tap Clinton after Thanksgiving" |
(148) |
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Holy fail: terrorist intended to take his home-made bomb "into the packed dining area but could not open the toilet cubicle door" |
(98) |
| (WLWT) | |
Man threatens to blow up Cincinnati landmarks. Includes Bengals, omits Reds despite both already being disasters |
(76) |
| (Intelligencer) | |
Man dresses as jailbird for Halloween, ends up in jail. Subby can't decide whether to dress as a millionaire or a porn star next year |
(46) |
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Ugly-Ass cheetah cubs make debut at Cincinnati Zoo (with pic and cheetahastic video) |
(24) |
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An aggressive Thai General who has threatened to bomb anti-government groups and drop snakes on protestors from helicopters has been reassigned...as an aerobics teacher |
(40) |
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Study finds those who live in messy areas tend to have bad behavior. Entire population of New Jersey expected to be arrested soon |
(140) |
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Looks like GM CEO Rick Wagoner will be flying commercial the next time he begs Congress for a handout |
(353) |
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Bush administration desperate for one last hurrah, begs Supreme Court to punish CBS for showing Real Americans™ a Super Bowl boobie |
(185) |
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Somali pirates are good because they bring home food and money to their impoverished communities. Good moral equivalence there, Associated Press |
(269) |
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Woman fixes butterfly's broken wing, nurses it back to health, gives it to trucker who takes it to Florida. What could possibly go wrong? |
(135) |
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Showing off a knotted rope in high school can be bad noose |
(65) |
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18-year-old buys U.S. Army sergeant's uniform online and attempts to cash $40,000 check not thinking that the cops might be veterans and figure out most 18-year-olds in the Army aren't sergeants |
(240) |
| (Canadian Press) | |
"After avoiding the law for almost 20 years, it was a tame deer that finally blew accused child molester Dudley Taylor's cover" |
(64) |
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Caution: do not attempt to rob naked pensioners, they might spray you |
(25) |
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Winning bidder will not pay for drawing of 7 legged spider, trusts that this will settle the matter |
(153) |
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Cop demands to bring firearm into nightclub, begins waving a pistol around while yelling "Who you gonna call?" The Aristocats defer to the Ghostbusters |
(99) |
| (Hyde and Hare) | |
Photoshop occupants for this classic cartoon's background | (140) |
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Failout |
(928) |
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Latest sign of economic gloom: when a want ad seeking 20 witches counts as upbeat employment news |
(70) |
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Georgia rapper gets 20 years for admitting to a shooting in a song. Vicki Lawrence still at large for double homicide |
(185) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Birth of two-faced kitten baffles doctors. Yes, there is a pic, and yes, it's rather freaky |
(222) |
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Computer virus infects three London hospitals, forcing network shutdown. Thank goodness they can rely on doctors' handwriting |
(37) |
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I'll worship what she's worshipping |
(95) |
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Artist wants to use waste product from nuclear reactors to build new universes. Really |
(59) |
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Even the normally-tolerant Dutch are getting sick of smelly hippies visiting their country in search of cheap pot |
(144) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Veteran fire captain ends his career the same way he began it: with a note from his mom |
(50) |
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What do you get when you mix alcohol, an assault rifle, a stun gun, a crossbow, a syringe filled with animal tranquilizer, aggravated domestic violence, and the police? |
(160) |
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Falling asleep at work is dangerous if you work on a construction si-mmmphhmphmmmph |
(8) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Photoshop | (53) |
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If you thought the "Bike Hero" take off on Guitar Hero was viral marketing you were right. Here's your cookie |
(55) |
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Judge rules Christians can worship in a church that was zoned to be a bar even though the structure had a permit for beer, wine and live entertainment but not religious services |
(69) |
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Bricklayer laying paving stones at archrival's soccer stadium spells out his team's name in dark-colored bricks by the turnstiles - and no one notices for four years (pics) |
(64) |
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Nanny state banning car plates that may be snapped up by terrorist sympathisers - including O54MA, BU58OMB and HO57AGE |
(45) |
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Nanny State residents crack a smile at being named one of the happiest nations in the world, even though health and safety police immediately write them up for inappropriate facial gestures |
(53) |
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Wikipedia describes the Schmidt Sting Pain Index, which details the pain of stinging insects. "Yellowjacket: Hot and smoky, almost irreverent. Imagine W. C. Fields extinguishing a cigar on your tongue" |
(165) |
| (Canadian Press) | |
Canadians, not used to seeing light in the sky after 5 pm in November, flood RCMP with calls to report meteor shower |
(43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It's all about how you point when you shoot |
(41) |
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National "Kick a Ginger Day" falls in the middle of International "Bullying Awareness Week" |
(140) |
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Autistic 7-year-old lost over 500 Hot Wheels in a fire. Mattel responds by sending boxes of cars, toys, and t-shirts. Diecast in a fire |
(121) |
Thu November 20, 2008
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Man jailed for sexually abusing a teen moves into the house next door to hers. "Every time I hear the front door it's like, 'Who's there?'" |
(96) |
| (Above the Law) | |
Attorney General Mukasey collapses during speech |
(331) |
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Skinny models are a turnoff in advertising, says a scientist who knows absolutely nothing about advertising |
(487) |
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Half of women subject to urinary infection. Submitter hopes it's the lower half |
(108) |
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CIA is surprised to find that some people have a problem with indiscriminately shooting down unarmed light aircraft that may or may not be smuggling U.S. missionaries |
(82) |
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Photoshop this bass player | (84) |
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Today's "Economic collapse brought on by atheism" story brought to you by the editorial board of the Wall Street Journal |
(308) |
| (Xen Invaders) | |
It's a good thing CERN's large hadron collider was shut down until next year... It gave Reddit and Fark's gift of a crowbar and plans to save the world time to arrive. Bonus - real life Gordon Freeman received the gifts | (95) |
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Lost cockatiel contacts owners over the phone. Owners reportedly "over the moon" to have him back |
(22) |
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Since there's nothing like any financial crisis to worry about, a Hawaii congressman plans to resubmit a bill calling the BCS an illegal restraint of trade |
(67) |
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Scammer made $3 million in illegal eBay sales. Or, after eBay and Paypal fees, $271 |
(86) |
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If you have been leaving cuts of meat in and around Framingham, Massachusetts the police would like to have a word with you |
(43) |
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Fannie, Freddie Suspend Foreclosures Through Jan. 9 |
(157) |
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Media turns its attention away from the economic crisis to briefly focus on the important stuff: six chip dips to avoid this holiday season |
(117) |
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Smooth, long-lasting fire breaks out at Atlanta cigarette warehouse |
(67) |
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Pirates are asking $25M for captured Saudi Oil tanker or 2 first round draft picks and a player to be named later |
(235) |
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15 more images you'll think are Photoshopped, but aren't |
(114) |
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Dow closes to 5-year low. This is unfortunately a repeat from yesterday |
(224) |
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TV ads depicting fast-food contribute to childhood obesity. Bad parenting still too lazy to take the blame |
(154) |
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Ransom paid on two of the hijacked ships. Chuck Norris seen cringing |
(223) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Economic crisis increasingly forcing Canadians to delay retirement, although for Canadians, their retirement plan basically consists of being put on an ice floe and being pushed into the Arctic Ocean by their kids |
(88) |
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New Fark user survey + update on bad ads. Bonus: for every 1000 people that fill out the survey, Drew will take a shot of bourbon | (1217) |
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Companies adopting microblogging to increase productivity and let everyone know that the account manager with the big rack totally has a button undone |
(71) |
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If the stacks of banknotes you've just stolen start dripping ink and emitting smoke, don't take them back to your house assuming the cops won't follow the trail of dye. Or be like this idiot - your call |
(14) |
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If the cops are about to arrest you for drunk driving, the last thing you need them to see is your 2-year-old walking around with a pack of Newport cigarettes in hand and one dangling from her mouth |
(124) |
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Suburban Maryland school officials consider cancelling classes for Inauguration Day |
(135) |
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Don't build a treehouse in Park City, Utah-Unless it meets the building and proper set back codes. They don't mess around there |
(84) |
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If you thought bug bombs were dangerous you should probably avoid the Axe effect |
(121) |
| (Missoulian) | |
Man defends fatally stabbing of his friend with the old "he accidentally walked into my knife" excuse. Five times, apparently |
(49) |
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UAW to Congress: Get a deal done. Taxpayers to UAW: Eat a dick |
(822) |
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Times are tough, but evidently not so tough New York couldn't spend $21,000 on an antique Turkish rug for the governor's mansion |
(84) |
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McDonalds pitches health benefits of French fries: They're high in potassium and fiber. Oh, and sweet, sweet sodium |
(139) |
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'Idiot' husband pretends to name newborn Carter Barack Obama. Oh, and don't forget his sister and brother: Brooke Trout and John Elway. Have fun sleeping on the porch, pal |
(119) |
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Photoshop this evocative Egyptian | (43) |
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Robin Williams and a coke addict in a Geico parody (AND a coke addict?) | (104) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"One thing that's always bothered me about Thanksgiving is that it doesn't have nearly enough meat in it" |
(81) |
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Dog drives car into coffee shop in New York. Your dog wants latte |
(28) |
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Thanksgiving is a time fraught with awkward family issues, especially when the rest of your clan is planning to spend the day performing an exorcism on you to cure you of your mental illness |
(206) |
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European legislators considering new laws to prevent the theft of virtual goods. Your 43rd level night-elf thief's days are numbered |
(97) |
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Old and busted: Horse shoes. New hotness: Horse leg warmers |
(53) |
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They say cleanliness is next to Godliness, for one reason you probably hadn't thought of |
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In between fart jokes, creator of Family Guy claims that science is "undervalued and degraded" |
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After LaMar started upping his visits to the tanning salon to 5 days a week, his girlfriend Shaniqua became suspicious. "It dawned on me.....hey, we're black, why would he go to a tanning salon anyway?" |
(148) |
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Supreme Court of Canada to rule on whether fat people should have to pay for two seats on an airplane. Midgets are following the case closely and hoping for half-price travel |
(274) |
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Paralysed bunny hoppy with her new wheels |
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Four Nordic countries pledge 4.6 billion dollars to Iceland amidst threats of new Bjork video |
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Treasury Department introduces video-game like achievements for consumers to stimulate economy |
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Yugo reaches the end of the line. Serbians, comedians inconsolable |
(129) |
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People are shocked to learn that inhaling bug bombs is not good for their health |
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NYPD caught on video celebrating Obama's victory with New Yorkers in a manner familiar to protestors and bicyclists |
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When you're a Prime Minister, and your office is surrounded by protesters, and 24 of them are killed or wounded in a grenade attack but they still don't leave, you've got problems |
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Seven-legged spider drawing sells for $10,000 on eBay. Revised eight-legged drawing expected to go for millions |
(106) |
| (Ringo Fire) | |
Serial toilet and porta potty arsonist captured. Now back to the regularly scheduled war on terrorism |
(17) |
| (Florida Today) | |
The Melbourne, Florida hooker roundup evidently snared a librarian, judging by the mugshot |
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Spitzer's prostitute says being a hooker is no different than going on a date and "hooking up" with someone you barely know |
(262) |
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Pakistan to US: "Please to stop the firing of the missiles into our country. Again." |
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Student spider project aboard Endeavor shows that in space, spiders lose all sense of symmetry. Webalarity ensues |
(90) |
| (CATO) | |
Today, the Wayback Machine takes us to a 1996 Cato Institute report lauding the benefits of privatizing social security and putting every individual's entire retirement in the hands of private fund managers |
(403) |
| (wdfn) | |
Dems pump brakes, flash high-beams at auto execs |
(175) |
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File a jobless claim this week? If so, you might've noticed the other 541,999 people waiting in line with you. That's a 16-year high for those of you at home keeping score |
(283) |
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The Metro asks if the ghost of a dog scored against England, reminds everyone why this paper has to be given away free |
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Flight attendant lands plane after pilot's mental breakdown. I guess he never got over Macho Grande |
(238) |
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Michigan is afraid that the demise of the big 3 car makers would spell doom for the uh... thriving... tourism. In other news, bwahahahaha |
(184) |
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Pennsylvania DOT announces plans to repair viaduct, causing potentially long detours for thousands. Residents heard asking "Viaduct? Why a no chicken?" |
(52) |
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Oregon town's mayor-elect transfixing national attention with a "purple top revealing impressive cleavage, with a tight black miniskirt, flowing red locks" (with hot pic) |
(296) |
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Drew is helping his buddy Twitch from Z103 in Lex raise donations for kids this xmas. If you're near the Big K on Nicholasville, stop on by and say hi from 8-10am. Bring some toys too. Listen live via the link | (14) |
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♫ He's just a Sk8er Boi, no one you would employ, hiding cocaine in his boards. He's looking really pale, 'cause he's going to jail, where he'll learn to swallow swords ♪ | (39) |
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Paris Hilton: Open for business |
(85) |
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The Last Boy Scout. The Sun is there |
(46) |
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Photoshop this bodacious bathing machine | (38) |
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Remember guys, "separated" just means she's not in the room with you right now. Woman wants half of lotto prize won by her husband she separated from in 1982 |
(115) |
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Barking mad German cops set new standards in stakeout technology: tree suits |
(37) |
| (Daily Comet) | |
It's one thing to get upset at a neighbor who complains about your sister's smelly pets. It's entirely another to don a full Nazi WWII uniform, stuff it with ammo, and arm yourself with a 8mm Mauser to settle things |
(56) |
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Hugh Jackman named "sexist man alive", "best porn name" |
(245) |
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Glasses? Check...Lawnmower? Check...Bullet catching cellphone? Check. With dented cell phone pic |
(69) |
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Not news: woman dies after being struck by car. Fark: at three miles per hour |
(80) |
| (PhillyBurbs) | |
Bad day: You're a police officer charged with sexually assaulting three young girls. Incredibly bad day: While searching your house, investigators stumble across your stash of homemade cow sex videos |
(169) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 185: "The Inept Farktographer" Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme | (225) |
Wed November 19, 2008
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Coroner's inquest into man who cut off his own head with chainsaw is complete; turns out he died by cutting off his own head with chainsaw |
(94) |
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Hey Lance, you know who else only had one ball? |
(92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Prison chess: NJ inmates vs. Princeton students. Don't drop the pawn |
(41) |
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The greatest conspiracy theories in history. In other news, skeptics of manmade global warming are now "conspiracy theorists." |
(469) |
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Apparently the Pied Piper was a fake because Hamlin, Germany is still infested with rats |
(43) |
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Instead of giving a man a speeding ticket, officer swipes his Xbox 360 |
(113) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this wall-hugger | (74) |
| (Some Chick) | |
Seven cheerleaders indicted for hazing. Don't haze me, ho's |
(288) |
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An expert says people diagnosed with chronic illness tend to get angry |
(125) |
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National newspaper runs out of ideas for Somali pirate images, runs music piracy images instead |
(113) |
| (via Romanesko) | |
Newspaper publisher graciously offers ink-stained wretches jobs parking cars at his private Christmas party |
(122) |
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Woman only remembers Sean Connery's voice. And that Indiana was the name of the dog |
(99) |
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DOW falls below 8,000 for the first time since 2003. EVERYBODY PANIC |
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After you've been thrown out of the taxi for asking the driver to take you and your assault rifle down to the White House, the next step probably shouldn't be to try and catch the train |
(137) |
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Sheriff's department apologize after undercover deputies tase pallbearer at funeral |
(127) |
| (Journal Times) | |
Magician predicts headlines two months in advance and tape records them. Will be listened to in front of an audience. If he's wrong, each person gets $100. If he's right, he should still get a real job |
(142) |
| (MLive) | |
Ann Arbor does one better than the Nebraska Drop Off Program-They have one for Felons |
(57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Tucker Max thinks his unfinished movie can open as well as a movie that hasn't released yet, tests limits of unfounded ego and narcissism |
(349) |
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Final reminder: NJ Fark Party @ Surf Taco in Jackson this Saturday |
(134) |
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If you've been giving naked bearhugs to joggers in Bucks County, put some clothes on man, it's 30 degrees out. Oh yeah, the police would also like a word with you |
(49) |
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Michelle Obama to be featured in comic book marking the first time she has been proud of Captain America |
(253) |
| (LA Weekly) |  |
Who's got hockey tickets and a brand-new column and knows how to modulate deflector shield frequencies? This guy |
(104) |
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When traveling to speak before Congress about how your company doesn't have enough money to stay afloat, flying there in your private luxury jet probably isn't the best way to make your case look legit |
(473) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Sorry, bro", "My bad", and "Duude" are not acceptable responses when you are a drunk college student who started the California wildfires with a bonfire |
(114) |
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Welcome to Costco. Appliances are over there, kitchen items over there, and the grapes with black widow spiders in them are on aisle 12 |
(204) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Turkey price war begins in Ohio. I hear some radio station is giving them away. Just look for the helicopter over the mall parking lot. God as my witness |
(130) |
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Once again the MSM focuses on the truly needy in today's tough economy: Read the heart-wrenching tales of underwater stock options, $600,000 houses, and cancelled horseback riding lessons |
(123) |
| (DC Examiner) | |
Accomodating the eleventy billion people who will attend Barack Obama's inauguration will bankrupt DC city government financially, which perfectly complements their current ethical bankruptcy |
(201) |
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Californians won't let things like monthly forest fires stop them from rebuilding in high risk, drought-ridden areas. Not when the government is picking up the tab |
(125) |
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"Prostitute users face clampdown." Presumably for an extra payment |
(66) |
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Supermarket employee plays 'Killing In The Name Of' on in-store CD player. Overblown moral outrage on aisle four, please |
(374) |
| (tmj4) | |
A postal worker is caught smoking crack in her mail truck. Why, yes, it is Milwaukee.... how did you know? |
(97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Inmate gets $300,000 for evaporating genitals" |
(89) |
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When West Virginia State Police denied having a ticket quota, they mean't they didn't have a single, uniform, statewide ticket quota. Each troop has a slightly different quota |
(106) |
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Photoshop this scarecrow | (50) |
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As if losing your baggage wasn't bad enough, airline loses elderly passenger in wheelchair. US Airways "Our bad, but hey...at least Gramma got a free trip to Puerto Rico." |
(25) |
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Westminster council officials fire the next volley in the War on Christmas, ban department store from playing carols because they're deemed "noise pollution" |
(134) |
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Any story that leads off "cleaning his gun" and "drinking double shots of vodka" is sure to end in tragedy |
(280) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The team behind a plan to open Chicago's first public high school aimed at gay and lesbian students pulled the plug today when they finally realized that there might be a slippery slope in that idea somewhere |
(228) |
| (tmj4) | |
Guy's house and land fall into lake when dam breaks. Asks for compensation. Told he owns the dam and may owe millions of dollars. Dam |
(78) |
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Newly released cockpit recordings from Blink-182 plane crash add nothing, but do give AP a chance to retell whole story as news |
(28) |
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Oh it's ON now. Apparently unaware of the average lifespan of people in his position, Al-qaeda's latest #2 calls Obama the Arabic equivalent of a "house negro" |
(275) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Law mandating porn stores to close on state holidays ruled unconstitutional |
(51) |
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Remember when you used to punch your friend on the arm for each year of the birthday he was celebrating? Yeah, that's illegal now, too |
(52) |
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Old and busted: "The dog ate my homework". New hotness: "The Russians hacked into my computer" |
(15) |
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♫ When you go for a swim and something bites your limb, that's a moray ♪ | (100) |
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The automaker bailout is like giving a shaky alcoholic another bottle. He's gonna die eventually, you're just postponing it. Cut him off and send him to rehab now |
(242) |
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Cleveland doctor who claimed Elvis was alive and he was treating him may have DNA evidence to prove it. Don't worry, if wrong the King was just seen at the Lumberjack Festival in Wolverine, MI where he was the anchor on the tug-of-war team | (37) |
| (NYSE) | |
Gene Simmons rings the opening bell at NYSE with his tongue |
(138) |
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Leaders upset that due to its large swinger community, Tampa will now see more ads for websites for people who want to have affairs. Apparently they've never heard of MySpace |
(44) |
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Cancel the Thanksgiving plans, grandma's in prison again |
(24) |
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It's wise to take the bus home after attending a gourmet wine and food festival. Just not in the driver's seat |
(8) |
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Never hire a guy named pancake to move your double-wide |
(93) |
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Republican senator on U.S. auto makers: "I don't think they have immediate plans to change their model, which is a model of failure." |
(293) |
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Harlem woman opens up extra-large can of whoopass on three teenage subway muggers. Law enforcement source: "She is one bad-ass mama" |
(156) |
| (WYFF4.com) | |
Three women arrested for stealing $465 worth of underwear (with "Do Not Want" picture trifecta) |
(88) |
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We looked. Then we saw him. Step in on the mat. We looked. And we saw him. Take his cat with a bat |
(69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man faces drug charges for peddling cookie dough and Orajel as crack, not realizing that Girl Scout thin mint cookies are already classified that way |
(29) |
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Indians sink pirates. Wait... what? |
(326) |
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Are you a woman with a big brother? Blame him for your barren, dusty womb |
(68) |
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First panels of the Jonestown memorial wall unveiled. Giant anthropomorphic glass pitcher seen lurking in background, biding his time |
(105) |
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Connecticut town falls for the old "Coming Soon Titti City - Adult entertainment" sign on the door gag |
(34) |
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Atheists enter the holiday greeting card market. "Reason's Greetings," everyone |
(654) |
| (The Herald) | |
"Man caught with penis in pasta jar" That's a spicy meataball |
(76) |
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So you want to be a Mountie? Be prepared for a polygraph test in which you'll be asked whether you've had sex with animals, the worst thing you've done while drunk, and if you've ever seriously thought about committing suicide |
(83) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this fist | (51) |
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If you want to be a successful carjacker you need to learn to drive a standard |
(92) |
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Sorority girls become suspicious of self-defense instructor after he encourages them to gently rub his groin to escape a rear hold. Bonus: Girl-on-girl recreation of incident |
(83) |
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Star Trek Trailer Meets Smallville | (104) |
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Ted Stevens' re-election hopes go down the tubes |
(253) |
Tue November 18, 2008
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Lithuanian parliament names Arunas Valinskas as its speaker. This is equivalent to Howard Stern being named Speaker of the House |
(55) |
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Experts want to lift taboo on nursing home sex despite the ensuing increase in mental bleach need |
(76) |
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Astronette lubricating joint experiences eruption, prematurely lets go of sack. Climax of mission so far |
(50) |
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Couple discover as RV vacation in Florida with their pampered kangaroo and crippled goat wasn't what they were hoping for |
(43) |
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A Texas grand jury has indicted Vice President Dick Cheney and former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales on charges related to the alleged abuse of prisoners. 62 more shopping days for Bush pardons |
(139) |
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Even if he's calling your girlfriend "bad names," don't get in a fight with a guy who wears a meat cleaver as a necklace |
(63) |
| (CW McCall) | |
Trucker crushed by 70,000 pounds of rocks. Would it be any better if he had been hauling 70,000 pounds of feathers? |
(96) |
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It's National Geography week and a survey says US kids couldn't find their asses with both hands |
(93) |
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Woman treats head lice with highly combustible fuel, heats water with an open flame. Lice is now least of her problems |
(29) |
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Parents angry that a school board member sent a student a 'tough love' note complete with a line about a drop-out last seen at a convenience store "asking customers for money for wine and offering (oral sex) for money." |
(51) |
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The first rule of Pet Fit Club: you need to be 96% overweight cat. (with pic of fat-a** cat) |
(64) |
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Renting out your home to some stranger for the Obama inauguration, sure sounds like a great idea |
(48) |
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Hard-hitting journalism: "Bush and Clinton fit into the expectations of what earlier generations thought a president's wife should look like. Obama has the opportunity to break the mold." |
(83) |
| (Some Dumb Guy) | |
News: Prisoner escapes from Kentucky jail. Fark: Returns the same day, rings bell, and begs to come back in |
(33) |
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Why in 1770, if you had toothache, your best bet was to get totally hammered: 'Take astringent liquors'. If that didn't work, 'break the teeth into order by means of a strong pair of crooked pliers' |
(90) |
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Apparently the global recession has hit heaven |
(38) |
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The perfect phone call should last nine minutes and 36 seconds. (Bonus pic cap) |
(75) |
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Month-long weapons amnesty program nets swords, axes, bayonets, crossbows, throwing stars, nunchaku, two 19th century pistols, and an anti-tank rifle. Score | (77) |
| (Some Squirrel) | |
Today: Nutsack squirrel died for your sins. Next Week: Nutsack squirrel spotted in grilled cheese sandwich |
(44) |
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Today is World Toilet Day, with experts calling for an end to flushing toilets. Bonus pic of coolest. Toilet. Evar |
(127) |
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School janitor wins $3 million in the lottery but vows to keep working at his old job. "I don't want this to change my style of living." |
(101) |
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Photoshop this seaside shelter | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Forty-five breast pumps missing; police searching for two lactating thieves |
(45) |
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Game wardens rescue female kakapo that couldn't kaka, due to sharp stick in a place even more uncomfortable than the back seat of a Volkswagen, which technically would have made it just a po |
(43) |
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Nestlé recalls nearly 900,000 Lean Cuisine frozen chicken dinners because they may taste even more like plastic than usual |
(105) |
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High School employee buys beer in exchange for pics of boys' privates; Fark: Complains when he finds out pics were from the internets, not really from HS boys |
(119) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The 2008 Write-in Roundup. Jesus gets 23 votes |
(172) |
| (Stinky) | |
Thinking only of others, man arrested after trying to steal $22 worth of deodorant |
(23) |
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EVERYBODY'S STARVING, Oh wait, it's only the people that have been starving forever. EVERYBODY RESUME EATING |
(173) |
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"How to Avoid iPod Ear Damage". Translation: How to Turn the Volume Down so the Entire Bus/Train Car Can't Hear You |
(103) |
| (Some Guy) | |
70+ strippers sue Scores. That's how many, not how old |
(90) |
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George has playdate today. Could be trouble if the man with the big yellow hat doesn't come out of the undisclosed location |
(101) |
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Crook robs convenience store. Makes wrong turn out of parking lot. Getaway truck breaks down. Takes taxi back down the road. Driver stops at same convenience store to ask for directions. Hilarity ensues |
(22) |
| (Some Attention Whore Helper) | |
Having trouble thinking of new douchey Facebook statuses? Then this tool is for you |
(139) |
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Michelle Malkin in 2004: Democrats can't win elections because they treat the American people like they're stupid. Michelle Malkin in 2008: The American people are stupid |
(597) |
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Tiny bladder helps save neighbours caught in housefire - With bonus quote "I'm not the hero. She's the hero. She had to pee" |
(39) |
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Joe Lieberman (?-CT) allowed to keep his Senate committee chairmanship after emerging from Harry Reid's office in a blue ninja outfit screaming 'Fatality' |
(152) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you buy a vehicle with the proceeds of a wrongful death suit due to a drunk driver, you may not want to drink and drive in said vehicle |
(56) |
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Subpoena documents reveal CBS more worried about pleasing right than Bush being AWOL from Nat'l Guard duty, considered Limbaugh & Coulter for 'impartial' investigation of Dan Rather's story |
(149) |
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News cycle sputters. What to do, what to do? Hey... we haven't had a Natalee Halloway story in a while |
(41) |
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I love bees. Bees love you. EVADE EVADE EVADE |
(93) |
| (Cape Cod Times) | |
Volunteer firefighter decides show off town's $165,000 specially customized fire truck to his lady-friend, resulting in epic fail (w/pic) |
(91) |
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Alleged douchebag sues over his photo appearing in "Hot Chicks with Douchebags" book. With photo of said alleged douchebag |
(425) |
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44-year-old stripper sues club that fired her for age discrimination. This thread is just fine without pictures of Saggy McSagerson |
(177) |
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Two Don King wannabes set up boxing match for 2-year-olds - with video goodness |
(59) |
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Since Hugo Chavez took office, the homicide rate in Venezuela has tripled, and criminals run rampant. But at least he's helping the poor through socialism |
(89) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this happy horseface | (51) |
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DC officials preparing for a crowd of 4 million at Obama's Inauguration . Good thing the city government is well known for their competence and efficency, particularly in the area of public transit |
(258) |
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With the new vampire flick Twilight coming out soon news outlets feel compelled to write stories about "real vampires" that walk among us |
(173) |
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Best "Scarface" tribute ever. Ever |
(105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Boycott of Kentucky ends after state backs down on gambling domain forfeitures. "For some of us here the hardest part of this boycott has been abstaining from bourbon." |
(25) |
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Man arrested for beating his girlfried with undisclosed type of sandwich; possibly a club |
(88) |
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Nicole Kidman says she may stop taking all her clothes off in films - or as she calls it, "acting" |
(121) |
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Australian Pastor reminds local Jews that they will "burn in a hell worse than the Holocaust" unless they convert to his more tolerant religion |
(160) |
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Drew Peterson may seek a divorce, which would be a lot like a decapitated person wanting to get a botox treatment |
(66) |
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If history is any guide, Obama may not have thought his cunning "Team of Rivals" plan all the way through |
(351) |
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It's going to be 30 degrees in Florida for an hour or two. TODOS PANICO |
(120) |
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10-point white buck shot near Milwaukee, the first white Milwaukee Buck with double-figure points in decades |
(178) |
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Spider goes missing on International Space Station. What could possibly go wrong? |
(175) |
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Dikes endanger suckers |
(27) |
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Michael Jackson says he is "too sick" to travel to London to defend himself in the latest lawsuit against him for ripping off someone who was stupid enough to do business with him |
(77) |
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Make sure the bridge you're travelling under is tall enough for your truck to pass through, otherwise you'll wind up like this guy (w/pic) |
(87) |
| (WSFA) | |
The right tool for the job: Thieves use forklift to load ATM onto pickup (surveillance video) | (40) |
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Nearly 400 workers at Hoover factory could be laid off. That sucks |
(40) |
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29th dumbest school system in America decides dogs should teach kids to read |
(78) |
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Sure, binding the neighbor with duct tape, covering him with gasoline, and threatening to set him on fire seemed like a good idea at the time...but there just might be a downside to it |
(28) |
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I'm bored. What shall I do? I know, I'll kayak down a 300ft dam |
(49) |
| (Sun Chronicle) | |
City threatens to put lien on elderly blind woman's home over $.01 due on her utility bill |
(151) |
| (Voice of America) | |
Analysts say that the cease-fire agreement between Israel and Hamas is "further threatened" as Israeli tanks begin to level the border lands while Hamas continues to rain rockets on Israel |
(94) |
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Older people are much more likely than teenagers to have unprotected sex |
(105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Does your boss have to pay you while Vista boots up? |
(189) |
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Woman flagged by Sports Authority for yelling during football games. Maybe they just don't like her moustache. With pic |
(80) |
| (Some Guy) | |
MacGyver voted Top TV Tough Guy after killing Chuck Norris with a paper clip and the hood emblem from a '73 Buick in latest useless MSM top 10 ranking |
(118) |
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Barney Frank acting all tough on Paulson and Bernanke in TARP hearing this morning. None of these two-bit circus clowns have any idea what they are doing |
(293) |
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Greenpeace activists dump five tons of fish heads in Paris, now face charges of improving the odor |
(58) |
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Office of National Drug Control Policy says San Francisco has more medical marijuana dispensaries than Starbucks shops. But they missed counting the Starbucks that had opened in the men's rooms of the other Starbucks |
(62) |
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Clever detectives believe there may have been some anger between a 21 year old girl and the 5 people she stabbed |
(32) |
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Rhodesian ridgeback adopts ugly-ass serval kitten in your awww-inspiring story of the day |
(46) |
| (Great Falls Tribune) | |
Local restaurant goes ahead with annual tradition of offering free dinner to all military personnel, despite having burned to the ground a few weeks before. Well done |
(42) |
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A Chicken Grows in Brooklyn |
(28) |
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A visit to acclaimed microbrewer Dogfish Head and its crazy genius founder. Keep on drinking the good sh-t |
(167) |
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First rule of kidnapping someone and stuffing them in your trunk: always, ALWAYS take their cell phone |
(30) |
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Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders don't upset us; all we ask is that you let us shoot you in the face. Make my-y day, maaake my day |
(52) |
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Bill Clinton must reveal all of his connections, activities and secrets before his old lady gets the Secretary of State job, including the location of his secret porn stash |
(235) |
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Japanese local news crew spends several minutes filming a tree that sort of looks like Godzilla if you have imagination | (42) |
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Kangaroo genome very close to humans', explaining their propensity to punch each other, jump around, and lock children in their basements |
(24) |
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Detroit's big 3 have already failed. The real question is what to do with their corpses |
(366) |
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New Jersey Institute of Technology loses record-setting 35th straight Division I football game, considers renaming school to Stephen Hawking Institute of Technology |
(85) |
| (WBIR) | |
Tennessee may allow wine to be sold in grocery stores. Pennsylvanians react in shock, wonder if such a thing is possible |
(155) |
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It's easy enough to see how one might lose their way in the rainforest, but it's harder to explain losing all your clothes |
(47) |
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Japanese company recalls imported U.S. mineral water due to strange smell, failing to realize Coors is supposed to smell that way |
(45) |
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Man fined for stroking his snake on a plane |
(58) |
| (Daily Texan) | |
Blogging your students' grades? That'll get ya fired |
(88) |
| (pantagraph.com) | |
Man sentenced for trying to axe a motorist a question |
(40) |
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Naked man interrupts car race by running across track and swan-diving into mud puddle. "Alcohol was believed to be a contributing factor" |
(36) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this toggle switch | (50) |
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Escalator temporarily becomes stairs, then immediately becomes temporary face-plant machine |
(90) |
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Woman instructed to hold the handle to prevent the toilet from exploding while a United Water imposter stole $3,650 |
(43) |
| (The Moscow Times) | |
Woman who killed drunk husband by closing him in folding couch given suspended sentence. She made her bed, now she must sleep in it |
(39) |
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California orders transient arsonist to pay $101 million fine, rocks to bleed |
(67) |
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There are good times and bad times to wake up. For the record, waking up during abdominal surgery would be a very bad time |
(91) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's Qantas jet accident is a Twofer Tuesday |
(37) |
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Thieves arrested after stealing nearly $69,000 in rare coins. So much for common cents |
(34) |
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Turns out gambling and smoking aren't so recession-proof after all. Alcohol and porn still paying dividends to wise investors |
(42) |
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Scarlett Johansson is "flattered" to find out that she inspired the song "I Kissed A Girl". Submitter would love to hear what she thinks of the song he wrote entitled "MOTORBOAT" |
(312) |
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Mutant supermodel flaunts her belly buttonless stomach |
(116) |
 |
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World's fattest man finally gets some...after friends build him a 'sex ramp' |
(317) |
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Greek protestors firebomb police outside the American embassy. Opa |
(57) |
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Ann Arbor, MI now a four-live-chickens-per-household metropolis |
(64) |
Mon November 17, 2008
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Photoshop this side-by-side cement slide | (35) |
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How Not To Dispose Of A Body, Method 387: Cover corpse in peanut butter, feed to wild animals |
(98) |
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Ugly-ass baby gazelle born at Washington's National Zoo (pic) |
(15) |
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If you're told demons are destroying corpse's appearance as she decays on the toilet to make it look like she wouldn't rise from the dead, consider maintaining a healthy skepticism |
(83) |
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Ulysses drops 140 lbs. in 11 months to fulfill dream of serving country as Marine; hopes to impregnate enchantress and slay one-eyed giant |
(84) |
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Rare transfusion attempted on tiger cub after it's mauled in a Vegas lounge by Siegfried and Roy |
(22) |
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Shawskank Redemption: Male, female inmates crawled through ceiling tiles for late-night sex trysts |
(83) |
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Martha Stewart furniture defect snips the finger off the wrong man - hand model, sleight-of-hand magician, and banjo player |
(46) |
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The latest industry to be hard-hit during this economic recession because it's expensive to split up is: Divorce Lawyers. EVERYBODY STAYMARRIED |
(56) |
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"Meh" added to the Collins English Dictionary. Here's a list of words that didn't make it |
(87) |
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Australian brothels are passing off sex acts as therapeutic massages and illegally billing health insurers for the services |
(95) |
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Guardian reports Hillary Clinton to accept Obama's offer of Secretary of State |
(645) |
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Principal. Caught sayof debate of gulf war illnes. Is It real or not. CNN says yes. St. Pete Times looking for chads -OR- "hello, I am write single to salute and wait for medicine" |
(218) |
| (Apple Forums) | |
Attention iPhone users: There is a glitch with the iPhone that will make it randomly snap a picture of your genitals and email it to random people of the opposite sex. Just ask this woman's husband |
(165) |
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Dinner, movie and an STD test? A Kansas lab is betting its business on a new dating strategy. It's fast, cheap and... did we say cheap? |
(79) |
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Christopher Lloyd loses $11 million house to California fire. If only there were some way to go back in time and warn him |
(225) |
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Less than one week away from the Twin Cities Fark party: Saturday, November 22, 7-ish @ Psycho Suzy's in Northeast Mpls |
(97) |
 |
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How do you cause $3,225 in damage to cars parked in a junkyard? Ask the 11-year-old driver |
(45) |
| (the alligator) | |
The Independent Florida Alligator compiles every story about the Grand High Poobah of Douchebaggery, Andrew "don't tase me, bro" Meyer |
(138) |
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Photoshop what you think a new Fark Mascot should look like | (66) |
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Kansas preacher once again proving it may be better to sleep in church. Preacher refuses to take down 'Obama is a Muslim' sign |
(820) |
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Mormons decide they need more than magic underwear to protect themselves from the gentle touch of homosexual marriage |
(936) |
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Copy of famed Lincoln letter turns up in Dallas, in which a very hung-over Abe writes after a binge, "I freed whom?" |
(92) |
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Fark headlines of the week, November 10 - November 17. Come for the bungee headline; stay for the dig at the Maple Leafs | (69) |
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Google gives NYC tourists wrong directions, saving New Yorkers from having to do so |
(90) |
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Red-headed lawyer-turned-novelist gets mugged. Curiously, her novel is about a red-headed lawyer-turned-noveist who gets mugged. And the book is due out soon |
(195) |
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A Dutch couple visiting India's Bihar state, were charged an astronomical 10,000 rupees ($204) for four samosas. Someone really hates the Dutch. Rudder |
(68) |
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Silver says there's gold in them thar commuters. Hi-yer taxes, away |
(116) |
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As King of England, Prince Charles will speak out and give the world the benefit of his wacky positions. Please live to age 150, Queen Elizabeth |
(81) |
 |
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Interesting: A record number of convicted felons have asked for pardons from President Bush. Unlikely: John Walker Lindh included |
(186) |
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Worst. Slip n' Slide. Ever |
(102) |
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Latest urgent news on the Obama Puppy Watch: The girls will have to wait until they move into that nice crib in the crappy neighborhood |
(144) |
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Backpacker in intensive care after snorkelling accident, which isn't suprising, as snorkelling with a big backpack on is pretty stupid |
(55) |
| (Post Star) | |
Man busted for 10 traffic violations while driving his lawnmower through the center of town under the influence of marijuana. Bonus: his friend was riding on the hood and ticketed for "not wearing a seat belt" |
(54) |
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Floridians protest a problem more pressing than the economy, insurance costs and the war combined: Chickens making too much chicken noise |
(30) |
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Three trespassing piggies were threatened with the chop until the Loaded Hog Brewery stepped in and saved their bacon. Cheers |
(26) |
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Man breaks into empty radio station overnight, takes control of output and broadcasts a string of expletives. Listeners realise something's wrong when they notice the Breakfast guy's being funny for a change |
(98) |
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Michael Jackson just can't keep his nose out of trouble - Sheikh Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa (gesundheit) suing him for $7 million for breach of contract |
(98) |
| (News Times) | |
Man hits karaoke DJ with a bottle after he failed to play a requested song. He felt just like he was walking on broken glass (walking on, walking on, broken glass) |
(44) |
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Prince says God is against homosexuality. Yes THAT Prince, the little guy running around in purple suits, wants you to know God is against homosexuality |
(383) |
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Hugo Chavez doesn't just acknowledge wiretapping his political opponents, he features the tapes in snarky political ads with cartoon sound effects |
(195) |
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Bishop claims the problem with the Catholic church is that people are getting too smart to fall for their tricks |
(345) |
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Man falls asleep on his flight; wakes up when it crashes and he's on fire. Jumps from wreckage seconds before it explodes and walks to beach to be rescued by Coast Guard. Ta-da |
(42) |
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 |
Mark Cuban charged with insider trading by SEC |
(199) |
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Pirates hijack huge Saudi oil tanker, plan Waterworld sequel |
(135) |
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France arrests a man for having the worst mullet in the entire ETA |
(59) |
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Qantas staff forced to ration water, crackers, diapers and toilet paper to passengers kept on plane over 24 hours due to storm diversion. What a bummer |
(80) |
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Not news: crew responds to restaurant fire. News: fire put out before firemen get there. FARK: Fire put itself out by causing water line to burst, dousing flames |
(27) |
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Awards ceremony. Inspiring speeches. All-in brawl. Karaoke. Best night out EVER |
(25) |
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Battle over Congo continues despite Michael Crichton being dead |
(66) |
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CNN reports there is "a merciless, man-eating predator lurking in the shadows" -- EVERYBODY PANIC |
(76) |
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Boy fires prop gun at himself, dies of head injuries. Jon Erik Hexum seen in heaven shaking head sadly |
(145) |
| (Inside Higher Ed) | |
Professor's students called him racist when they didn't understand satire he was using from "The Onion" -- he sued them and then got college to call him a non-racist |
(323) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Benjamin Franklin discovered America while fling a kite." and other gems from the sad, sad world of college English class |
(334) |
| (wlbz2.com) | |
Those that think the police must adhere to the constitutional prohibition on unreasonable search and seizure have never dealt with a Maine Game Warden |
(99) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop a Farker's co-worker running down the sidelines at the Texas-Oklahoma game | (100) |
|
|
Not News: Mom sees kids on TV. News: They were caught on video robbing a gas station. Fark: Mom promptly turns them in |
(111) |
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|
Man and teen girl who broke into house while owner was away attacked by guard cougar |
(108) |
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It only took seven years, but we will finally know what the new WTC site will look like, because there will be pictures of the buildings on the fence surrounding what is still just a big hole in the ground |
(183) |
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|
Meh |
(185) |
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Salvation Army panhandlers to begin taking credit cards. Anything to keep their stubby little hands from ringing the instruments of torture |
(84) |
|
|
Photoshop this headstrong woman | (40) |
|
|
First Germany goes into recession, now Japan is having economic difficulties. This situation seems oddly familiar for some reason |
(142) |
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