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Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun October 12, 2008
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Man recieves 100 felonies during a DUI arrest, working toward Henry Earl lifetime achievement award | (15) |
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Ugly-ass baby Tasmanian devil... aw hell, it's adorable. Even it if could take your hand off | (20) |
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Female gamer nerds. Hot. End of story | (63) |
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EXACTLY how big of an internet nerd are you? Take this quiz and find out | (87) |
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The Lundberg Survey said gasoline prices fell 35.03 cents, which is the biggest drop in the survey's 58-year history | (64) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Obama officially linked to Weather Underground | (240) |
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Photoshop the tap heard around the world | (39) |
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Safety consultant/beekeeper carves eight-foot tall bear out of wood. 30,000 or so honeybees live in a hive in the bear's back and go in and out through his mouth | (56) |
| (Fine Fueling) | |
This premium tête de cuvée hi-octane blend has a graceful marriage of light body and kerosene flavor notes. It shows more complexity and haunting power nuances with a less fruity petroleum flavor than regular Collonial premiums | (65) |
| (WTAJ) |  |
♫ This man got run over by a dead deer / Walking home by his house by the street / You might say this story's not newsworthy / But here it is on Fark for you to read ♫ | (61) |
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Colorado middle school locked down because of vicious fight outside . . . between two elk | (48) |
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Woman who can't stop going out half-naked in public 'furious' after somebody pinches her bum | (286) |
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Just another day in Chattanooga as 21 are arrested in a prostitution sting. Fark: two of them were men dressed as women. (w/ do not want mugshots) | (159) |
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World's biggest facepalm as London's St Pancras Station commissions sculpture of Grim Reaper driving a train and mowing down someone on the tracks | (75) |
| (WebMD) | |
Toy recalled due to bruising, cuts, blood blisters, and welts on the face, neck, and chest. Back in my day, those were the fun toys | (144) |
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"Porn and Pastries" is a community event where, disappointingly, spouses complain about their husbands' porn habits. The event is sponsored by "xxxchurch.com" which is, again disappointingly, an anti-porn movement | (234) |
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A group of armed dips going down a rocky road of crime shoot an ice cream truck driver in cold blood. Police vow to work all Sundae until they've got this case licked. Reporters hoping to get the scoop | (49) |
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What the "Asinine" tag is for: employees put old lady on wrong train, where she's told to pony up £115 for new ticket. Fellow passenger takes up collection to cover her, gets threatened with arrest for panhandling | (61) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Ugly-ass newborn giraffe born at Memphis zoo. With "awwwww" inspiring pics | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this box-and-breakfast | (55) |
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Your dog wants his steak complemented with peanut butter, parsley, lemongrass, or spearmint flavored water. With bonus canine and human taste test results | (58) |
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New stamp honoring Bette Davis is missing something | (156) |
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Economic woes chill effort to stop global warming, which is actually good news since we'll all be forced to live in the streets soon and thankfully it won't be as cold | (172) |
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And now for bunnday, a little advice from Ric Romero: "Rabbits like to make babies" | (70) |
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Oil plummets to $78 a barrel. Time to dust off your SUV's and go hybrid-squishin | (232) |
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Jailed OJ believes he was "railroaded". "We prefer to call it 'spooning'," said one inmate | (102) |
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Seattle area schools decide to let their schoolchildren be left behind | (106) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Do you hate movie reviews that spoil the plot? Not enough time to read those long drawn out movie reviews? Everyone knows shorter is better so: the Four Word Film Review | (511) |
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The behind-the-scenes story of the NSA's wiretapping of overseas Americans' phone calls. I'm Bill Curtis | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Adding insult to injury. The 9th Annual North American Wife Carrying Championship grand prize is your wife's weight in Bud Light | (36) |
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Ugly-ass baby lambs born out of season in Nottinghamshire. With the ugliest-ass pics ewe've ever seen | (16) |
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Nanny state cranks it up a notch: 12-year-old child fined $100 for being ill | (85) |
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Kennedy's "floating White House" for sale at sailboat show in Annapolis. It has been painstakingly restored, Marilyn Monroe's secretions scrubbed from the berth mattresses, and Teddy Kennedy only drank half the bar | (49) |
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Phase 1: Direct incoming cars to parking lot. Phase 2: Put up large "No Parking" signs after they've parked. Phase 3: Profit | (126) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Large indoor pot farm in Birmingham raided. This is bad news...for 'Bama | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Podiatrist in a jam; nailed, and toed "you're under arrest" after Feds realized his game was afoot. Heel be out in about a year | (29) |
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Man discovers treating a skunk humanely in a city-owned trap was not worth all the trouble. That stinks | (25) |
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Ever wonder how a suspension bridge would react in an earthquake? Well wonder no more | (82) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Virgin turns down $1,000,000 for out-of-this-world sex | (77) |
| (Some Girl) | |
Photoshop these people | (51) |
| (Killeen Daily Herald) | |
Killeen, TX celebrates National Toilet Tank Repair Month with important toilet-maintenance tips | (40) |
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If you intend to steal live lobsters, bring a backpack. Too many horrible things can happen if you stuff them down your pants, as seen on the next episode of "Ow, My Balls" | (48) |
| (Naples Daily News) | |
BAD: Hitting a car. WORSE: Hitting a parked car. EVEN WORSE: While drunk. FARK: Getting a DUI for hitting a parked cop car, with the cop still inside, writing a traffic ticket | (29) |
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Sons of Confederate Veterans admit their giant Stars & Bars flag at interstate junction is inappropriate, agreed to take it down. Naw, just kidding, they're replacing it with an even bigger flag | (369) |
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Financial crisis has gotten so bad that dead bodies are no longer being buried for financial reasons | (60) |
| (northwestern) | |
The cutest pair of lion cubs you'll see all weekend. With link to lots of cuddly-wuddly pics | (42) |
| (Some Chick) | |
We secretly replaced the gas in this 250 gallon tank with water....lets see if any thieves notice | (56) |
| (Beaches Leader) | |
Police chief Ric Romero informs us to call police when witnessing crimes | (22) |
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One in three Atlanta Police Academy graduates has been arrested or cited for a crime | (79) |
Sat October 11, 2008
| (GreenvilleOnline) | |
Surprise Buttsecks? "Sheriff's deputies are investigating a Saturday-morning incident that left one man with something -- no one is sure what -- embedded in his buttocks." | (52) |
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The proper way to be friends with benefits. It's not news. It's cnnbootycall.com | (179) |
| (tmj4) |  |
Family of missing woman believe that she may be buried in a grave under a guy who, at the time, was at the funeral home owned by the uncle of the guy who is believed to have killed her. Whew, I need an aspirin and a vodak | (60) |
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"You ain't just smoking pot, bud. You're smoking some heavy-duty pesticides from Mexico." | (167) |
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It was three years ago, time to enjoy it again: Mate two animals to create a new one. (Please no actual mating. Just the result) | (123) |
| (WalMart) | |
This can opener really sucks | (321) |
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Religious people are only nicer if they think their god is watching them | (476) |
| (Journal Times) | |
Who would be brazen enough to steal money from a disabled guy's produce stand? Don't know his name yet, but here's a lovely photo | (85) |
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Shock and horror in Scottish town as anonymous benefactor gives away cash with nothing expected in return | (30) |
| (I like weather) | |
Earliest snowfall ever, in Idaho. Ha | (138) |
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Religiosity curbs teen marijuana use by half | (101) |
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Four women dressed in black apologize after their "harmless prank" of sticking 1000 plastic knives in a families lawn and writing a threatening letter was thought of as a real threat. w/ pic | (56) |
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Belgian breaks world blind driving speed record in desperate attempt to escape Belgium | (31) |
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TV weatherman proposes on air to his anchorwoman girlfriend. Awww [video] | (97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Experts agree that bird flu vaccine would be hard to weaponize. But the government doesn't listen to experts so no vaccines for you, Indonesia | (36) |
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"You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you." | (95) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man stabs his mother to death then just to prove he's not all that bad, he takes her cat to the vet. Awwww | (30) |
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Cop who was fired over Bigfoot hoax tries to get his job back | (46) |
| (The Day) | |
The kid in me says "Oh man, I gotta buy that firetruck." The grown-up in me says "I gotta convert it into a pizza and beer truck" | (55) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Group wants entire city removed from Google Street View so pedophiles can't find schools and playgrounds, because they can't be found any other way | (116) |
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A whole generation raised on porn, what could possibly go wrong? | (309) |
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Philadelphia greenlights refunds for motorists who got ticketed for running redlights | (42) |
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Why now is the time to visit Iceland, as it's in an economic meltdown. Of course, "cold, dark and expensive" are mentioned before the article even gets started | (55) |
| (VillageSoup.com) | |
I'll see your rare blue lobster and raise you one day-glo orange lobster. W/ hittable pic | (90) |
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Weedpunk literary genre? First cyberpunk, steampunk... now weedpunk? | (95) |
| (TheMaineEdge.com) | |
"The show includes a cast of 77, including 32 Rockettes. They travel with two camels, a donkey and four sheep" | (27) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these lil skeeters-to-be | (25) |
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Cars lined up 30 deep as two stations battle it out in gas war holding at $1.85 per gallon by Friday night | (152) |
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It's your weekly roundup of supermarket recalls: dried radishes, milk drinks, cookies. In other news, people actually eat dried radishes? | (28) |
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If you ever wanted to have a motorcycle shaped like a leaping jaguar, today's your lucky day | (94) |
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A year later, Creation Museum still drawing big crowds. It's almost as if there was some intelligent design behind the whole project | (371) |
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Hurricane Norbert strengthens to category 3 storm. Should hit New Mexico by Sunday. Huh? | (56) |
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Hundreds flock to Cape Cod harbor to see the huge manatee. Oh | (62) |
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All talented cats must get ready for the upcoming Cat Agility Championships in NYC. Caturday might be a good day to start | (528) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Joerg Haider, head of Austrian far-right political party, dies in car crash after trying to pass someone on the right | (255) |
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What is Henry Paulson whispering to Ben Bernanke? (voting enabled) | (166) |
| (SLO Tribune) | |
A traveling zoo is all fun and games until an allergic hotel maid meets lemur poop and spider monkey dander (bonus: plaintiff claims kidnappers took her to a cemetery so she'd drop case) | (26) |
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Cop injured after being cold-cocked by a sex toy | (60) |
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Parents, when you feel like spanking your child, why not tickle them instead? | (138) |
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Thinking of ending it all with a dive from the Golden Gate bridge? Well, now there's a catch | (155) |
| (Hoopsa boyaboy hoopsa!) | |
Photoshop this proud paternal presentation | (28) |
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Photoshop this modular model | (22) |
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Austin cop forgot gun in courthouse bathroom. TX state judge suggests reasonable step of banning all cops from having guns in courthhouses | (46) |
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Elderly man jailed because he can't afford to sod his lawn according to homeowners association decree | (194) |
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Insane man kills his mom claiming he was acting on CIA orders to kill this woman who he believed was draining so much money from banks that it would cause worldwide famine | (70) |
Fri October 10, 2008
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Latest counterinsurgency in Iraq is led by roaches who hitchhiked in with American troops. At least the roaches can win something there | (65) |
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Now's the time to invest in mackerel | (72) |
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79-year-old big dummy arrested for blocking sidewalk with multi-ton garbage mountain (pic) | (42) |
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Dog dies saving owner from burning house | (177) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this lakeside real estate | (41) |
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Chimp Anjana becomes surrogate mother to adorable white tiger cub twins | (46) |
| (The Courier-Journal) | |
How many times have you heard this one and yet it still makes you just shake your head: Two arrested in robbery after stopping to ask cops for directions | (22) |
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Toss another Marklar on the Marklar | (76) |
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Japanese nuclear complex starts smoking, officials say there's nothing to fear | (66) |
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Mark Wahlberg not a fan of "Mark Wahlberg Talks To Animals" | (80) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Troopergate findings: Palin abused her power. Turns out she really does have executive experience | (2205) |
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How do real female fans support their Tampa Bay Devil Rays? By getting Rayhawk bikini waxes | (86) |
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Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega convinced that "God (is) punishing the United States with the financial crisis for trying to impose its economic principles on poor countries." Bet that makes his taco pop | (121) |
| (Some Guy) | |
With Massachusetts having solved all of its other problems... income tax, deteriorating roads, schools with no accreditation... they have decided to argue over what the state book should be | (69) |
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We don't need to tell you that the next president of the United States is going to have a lot to do. He has to fix the economy, the environment, and Wall Street as well as reveal the truth about UFOs. Wait, what? | (170) |
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Family shares home with pet donkey, figuring why not have another lazy ass around the place? (pic) | (18) |
| (Westword) | |
The best beers in the US are brewed in Colorado, California, Alaska, Oregon and rest of the West | (279) |
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Cast of "Family Guy" to present two nights of songs and masturbation jokes at Carnegie Hall next month | (71) |
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Actual headline: "Talkin' Bout My Boring Generation." Welcome to old farthood, Baby Boomers | (73) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man builds a life-sized replica of Fred Flintstone's car for his yard | (51) |
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It's League Championship Week over at The Smoking Gun mugshot roundup | (198) |
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Mother-of-the-year candidate buys her 13-year-old daughter and her two friends a bottle of vodak, three bottles of wine, and two alcopops before charity walk, because walking is hard when you're sober. w/OMG MY EYES pic | (150) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Comcast gives ultimate in crappy service to homeowner | (104) |
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Forbes recalculates list of wealthiest Americans in wake of financial crisis and stock market collapse, reveals that Buffett has overtaken Gates as USA's richest man, breaking 15-year deathgrip | (77) |
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Gas prices in Britain are now so high that terrorists have taken to escaping after planting their bombs by rickshaw | (28) |
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Report: Jose Canseco detained at Mexican border for possession of steroid that "maintains and restores testicular size" | (57) |
| (Some Crazy Guy) | |
Live in Key West and have a check from Mexico you need cashed? Do you c) Walk to Chicago with three bike trains full of crap | (84) |
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The numbers are in from Oktoberfest - Only 6.6 million liters of beer and 104 oxen, however condom sales are bursting at 1.5 million | (44) |
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McCain's tracking numbers against the S&P 500 over the past two weeks. It's the economy, stupid | (233) |
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Stress from difficult economic times does not cause more suicides. Actually, it causes people to eat like Michael Moore at a free Vegas buffet | (40) |
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Canada has universal healthcare, a budget surplus, no war, and financially sound banks, not to mention Canadian Bacon. Who's the moron now, America, eh? | (358) |
| (The Register Citizen) | |
Student brings fake gun to school during visit by presidential candidate Ralph Nader. In other news, Nader qualifies for Secret Service protection? | (62) |
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6 horrible lessons Hollywood loves to teach kids | (113) |
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Another thing your $700 billion bailout package is buying for Wall Street: $1000 lap dances | (123) |
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Vladimir Putin gets rare tiger cub for his birthday. PETA upset because he HUNTS tigers with his JUDO | (85) |
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BBC radio presenters suspended after referring to the disabled as "window-lickers", now wish they hadn't gone full retard | (66) |
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Georgia requests complete Russian pullout, Russia claims it feels too good to stop | (27) |
| (The Moscow Times) | |
Russia's parliamentarians are off their meds, but still have access to a liquor store at work | (14) |
| (Political Wire) | |
Sarah Palin confirmed to appear on Saturday Night Live on October 25th | (377) |
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France pulls tainted Chinese food. And by tainted, they mean not soaked in butter or containing snails | (58) |
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REMINDER - Fark Party tonight in Petaluma. 8pm at Dempsyes. DIT, LGTprevious thread | (42) |
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Following Massachusetts' lead, Connecticut goes for the reacharound of justice. Bunch of Nutmeggers | (639) |
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This just in: Venezuela shuts down all McDonald's restaurants for 48 hours. When asked for comment Hugo Chavez said, "Robble robble." | (118) |
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Topless model Jodie Marsh follows in Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama's footsteps, on the debating platform at the Oxford Union | (94) |
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"Stupid": It's not just a Fark tag, it's a sentencing option | (40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
AT&T turns user agreement into a 2,500 page mess of legal jargon, then sends it to your junk mail folder | (100) |
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Palin on the way to New Hampshire, probably dispatched to deal with Ford-humping moose | (85) |
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Not news: Boy gets Mohawk haircut to support team. News: School suspends boy. Fark: Boy sidesteps suspension by changing to Mohawk-friendly school. Daniel Day-Lewis approves | (63) |
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Photoshop this hungry hungry hippo | (39) |
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Making math "uncool" is hurting American competitiveness researchers say. Unlike before, when being able to quote binomial theorems from memory was guaranteed to get you laid | (278) |
| (Peter Pumpkinhead) | |
Man attacks Pumpkin People, presumably trying to squash them | (19) |
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Wild boar vs. hunters ends 1-1 after overtime | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Coolest collection of high speed photographs you will see until the next time someone posts a cool collection of high speed photographs | (51) |
| (webn) | |
List of things you shouldn't bring to the airport: Gun, nail clippers, human skull | (29) |
| (Albany Times Union) | |
Obama called Osama on absentee ballots. Bonus: "So far three people have called to point it out" | (299) |
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So, can we hit 6,000 today? It's the official "AHHHH OH GOD MY RETIREMENT" stock market thread. EVERYBODY PANIC | (838) |
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"Transvestite Rambo arsonist sent to jail." So few words, so much hilarity (pic) | (51) |
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Why is the city of Chicago backing off its law against using cell phones while driving? If you said, "Because an alderman was caught doing it," you win the prize | (52) |
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Your girl refuses to give you oral sex, that's a shooting... in the crotch | (142) |
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Man barricaded in his home is brought into custody when Atlanta police try an experimental new tactic: Waiting for him to fall asleep | (28) |
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Dalai Lama's gall stone successfully removed. Stone will now ascend to its higher purpose | (50) |
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Martti Ahtisaari has won the Nobel Peace prize. The committee said his work was the bomb, even though it's still not Finnished | (23) |
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Walgreen drugstores forced to pull Talking Obama, McCain and Clinton dolls off shelves after receiving a couple of complaints from ass-wookies with no sense of humor | (123) |
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Ryanair "defends right of Swedish women to take their clothes off," earning nomination for title of World's Favourite Airline | (84) |
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Federal employee in charge of ordering office supplies still thinks the stripper was really interested in him, not his government-issued credit card they used to process $280,000 in phony charges | (30) |
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Obama to hold four rallies in Philly tomorrow. Secret Service detail on heightened alert for suspicious individuals bitterly clinging to guns, religion | (397) |
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X + y = infinity. Former head of MIT Math department, and author of seminal algebra text dies | (49) |
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You're through to Islamic chat: Dial 1 for a fatwa... Dial 2 for 40 virgins... Dial 3 if you require a stoning... | (43) |
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Parking attendant slaps ticket on police car -- while the police are busy responding to an armed robbery | (30) |
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Academic finds evidence that Bach's wife wrote some of his music. Mostly the pieces that seem to go on and on forever without ever really getting to the point | (113) |
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Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Do you: A) Have a few beers and good cry? B) Seek out some revenge sex? Or C) Burn down her grandparents' house? | (64) |
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Ford-humping moose is back and horny as ever | (65) |
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UK treasury officials flying to Iceland to get back the money their citizens had in Icelandic banks, will take Bjork hostage if they have to | (105) |
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Somali pirates release Filipino seamen. Oh, so they were THAT kind of pirate | (43) |
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Dumbass special: British government loses personal details... of the entire British Army | (36) |
| (Star-News) | |
Need for soda causes pilot to crash shrimp boat into pier | (52) |
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Boat slip: €585 per year. Luxury yacht: €19,500. Selling your yacht for €22.50 on eBay because you neglected to set a minimum bid: Priceless | (102) |
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Are you a slubberdegullion, a termagent or a frippet? We already know you're a scrimshanker | (64) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Old bingo hall introduces "strip poker" to list of legal gaming (with pic) | (15) |
| (fmr shac 1st lt) | |
"911, what is your emergency?" "Man, we really need a large pepperoni and mushroom pizza, like, immediately" | (25) |
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President Bush to announce martial law at 10:25 a.m. Just kidding, it's a public statement to calm the nation, followed by panicked selling at 10:30 and THEN martial law at 10:45 | (579) |
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Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10 | (135) |
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Nanny State bans Marmite from school, and not just because it tastes like ass. Bonus: Even British papers have started using 'Nanny State' in headlines, just like us | (201) |
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New website offers guide to canine medical conditions. Now you can annoy your vet with asinine Internet self diagnoses, just like you do your own doctor | (83) |
| (Mr. and Mrs. Kramer) | |
You think your divorce was messy? At least you didn't have to saw your house in half | (61) |
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NSA supports our troops, by monitoring their phone calls for quality assurance | (172) |
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Brazil discovers massive oil reserves deep under the ocean. Will tap reserves by coating ocean floor with wax, then ripping oil out of the earth's crust | (89) |
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Star Trek movie writers say we have to bring more Star Wars into Star Trek. Fark photoshoppers on the case | (118) |
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Oil approaches $80 on news that you need gas to drive to the unemployment office | (144) |
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Photoshop this marine maw | (33) |
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Schools to ban processed meats from cafeterias. Your crotchfruit wants tubesteak | (97) |
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The art of pulling a successful sicky lies in not claiming to be so ill that your boss decides to try and visit you in hospital | (41) |
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Richard Pryor's "Superman III" computer bug plays hell with the Commonwealth Bank of Australia | (39) |
| (Lincoln Journal Star) | |
Woman finds a homeless man sleeping on her porch and wakes him up by kicking his shoe. Since this is Fark, you can probably guess what happened next | (177) |
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Pandas in a bear tree. Yeah, The Sun was there | (49) |
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Homeless man steals cement truck, gets involved in high speed chase, police say they have concrete evidence | (57) |
Thu October 09, 2008
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Instead of getting a cool, "Silence Of The Lambs"-type mask, inmate who spit on a deputy forced to wear a black and white paper mask while in court | (94) |
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42-year-old school resource officer and sheriff's deputy fired after pulling 13-year-old girl out of class to confess his love for her | (172) |
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Cops lock down two schools and arrest an innocent man all because a woman took her four-year-old granddaughter into a bar | (82) |
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Closing roads can help ease traffic congestion. Wait, what? | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Caption this Presidential candidate playing "airplane" with his supporters (voting enabled) | (154) |
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HOA demands that a man landscape his yard, even though he's in Kuwait and his wife is pregnant. "I really don't give a [expletive] where he is or what his problem is." | (371) |
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Photoshop this wheelbarrow load of baby orangutans | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Busted for child porn after taking computer in for repairs will get you an ass whipping in jail. W/pic that will haunt you soul | (287) |
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Minneapolis radio host: "I am convinced Magic faked AIDS." | (98) |
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The secret to long-life? 105-year-old virgin puts it down to no sex | (138) |
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Tibetan spiritual leader hospitalized with abdominal pain. This is bad news...for a Lama | (68) |
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Land of the free? Parking lot owner bans Obama supporters. UT-Austin bans two students from registering for classes because they put an Obama sign in their dorm window | (119) |
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Sarah Palin accused of not buckling her son Trig in his car seat before driving. That's retarded | (323) |
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In an effort to boost tourism Japanese hotels don't want foreigners as guests. You're doing it wrong | (68) |
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Truck unleashes 40,000 pounds of glue on State Highway 39, cleanup crews adhere to hazardous material response guide | (37) |
| (WWL) | |
Man spots the shooter who gunned down his brother, runs him over. Police say, "no problem here." | (84) |
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Fourteen heathens pay the price, for riding a bus through Amish paradise. Their bus rolled over once or twice, driving in an Amish paradise | (53) |
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Being arrogant to your waiter? That's a fatal beating | (55) |
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Strong-arm robber in Michigan ends up $30 down | (23) |
| (Some Guy) | |
With nothing more exciting to report on, Illinois media gushes over plants that make industrial sand: "think it's amazing what they can do with sand." There's a reason normal people prefer to fly over your state, bumpkins | (75) |
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Parents already trampling themselves to get their hands on Bakugan, the game that is this year's industry-hyped must-have Christmas gift (pic) | (141) |
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That whistling sound? Is the Canadian dollar in freefall - 87 cents U.S. and falling | (191) |
| (The Inquirer and Mirror) | |
There once was a man from Nantucket/Who went to Thailand on a junket/He made porno with children/Got thrown into prison/Two months later he died of "heart disease" | (80) |
| (The Sheboygan Press) | |
Guy gives cops fake name to get out of ticket. Brilliant. No wait, the other thing | (48) |
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So how did Newsweek get Sarah Palin to pose with a rifle on its cover? Long story short, it didn't | (357) |
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North Korea kicks out UN nuclear inspectors in anticipation of Obama personally helping North Korea build the "big one' | (94) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The last time oil was $87 a barrel, gas was $2.77 a gallon. Right now, gas is $3.40 a gallon. More evidence of a free market at work | (291) |
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Dolphin leaps out of water, knocks elderly woman unconcious. San Diego Chargers and New England Patriots send a gift basket for moral support | (59) |
| (Florida Today) | |
UF warns of increase of roaches on campus. Students seen looking on ground for those funny looking cigarettes | (56) |
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English Holiday Inn issues all guests a guidebook to help them comprehend the baffling local dialect, including translations of "dernt nerr" and "summatup?" | (76) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Reason #139 to avoid sending your kids to public schools in 2008. Five teens "sexually harassed" lone female student by forcing her to the ground and shoving their exposed genitals in her face. Boys will be boys | (174) |
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Gardener ordered to take down barbed wire fence so thieves won't get hurt climbing over it. If you can name in which country this occurred, you win a free order of fish and chips | (104) |
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Man accused in car salesman's death claims he is the "anti-Christ" and the salesman jumped out of the moving truck because he did not want "to repent to save his soul." | (37) |
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Elderly woman complains after UFO crashes through her roof and hit her in the forehead. "She says the ice has a slightly fishy smell and looks like quartz" | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Study shows that religion can be depressing. Catholics seen nodding in agreement before kneeling, standing, kneeling and looking at a dead guy on a cross -- the biggest thing in the room | (153) |
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We've secretly switched this woman's birth control pills with fertility drugs. Let's see if anyone notices | (157) |
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In space, no one can see your teeth | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Hot chick survives being pinned in her car for two days after rolling down steep embankment. Police have ruled the crash an "accident" despite the fact she was returning home from a Ravens game | (63) |
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Dow Jones, now stopping at gate 11,000 ..... 10,000 ..... 9,000 ...... 8,000 | (989) |
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One in four teen girls in the US got the cervical cancer vaccine last year, those sluts | (136) |
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The four secrets of amazing sex. Well, there are five: the first unstated assumption is one has a partner | (211) |
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Romeo foxtrot victor over Juliet | (68) |
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Remember that Christmas light display made famous by Fark and eventually picked up for a Miller Lite commercial? It's not happening this year, unless someone wants to pay for it | (53) |
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OPEC to hold extraordinary meeting next month. Seminars to include; Fish in a barrel - Really as Easy as it Looks?, The Dangers of Money - Learn to Stack it Safely, Hand Strength in Relation to Testicular Pressure. OW MY | (43) |
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Poll finds that Canadian voters think economy first, hockey second. Beer and back bacon tied for third | (94) |
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Why the sad face? A photo gallery of the best of the sad-faced stock traders. Voting enabled in case you have captions | (195) |
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Dispatcher: "What's your emergency?" Caller: "There's someone farking in the parking lot." Dispatcher: "I'll notify the police." Caller: "Uh hang on, I'm getting a call from 911." | (111) |
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The bailout isn't working because it has "encouraged lenders to hold off dealing with their bad debt in hopes of getting a better deal from the Treasury." Suck it, non-libertarians | (166) |
| (NBC) | |
Remember that douchebag who caught those final baseballs at Shea and Yankee Stadium? Here he is on Jay Leno (interview starts at 31.25) | (38) |
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I see your AIG party at the Ritz Carlton and raise you a Barclays shindig at Italy's Villa D'Este hotel costing *touch pinky to cheek* one MILLION dollars | (116) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this boomerangist | (37) |
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North Korea reportedly working on an advanced Taepodong, which is longer, straighter, and more powerful than any Taepodong we've seen before | (44) |
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Looks like Todd Palin is jumping on the troopergate grenade | (488) |
| (KXLY) | |
Overachieving squirrel leaves trail of destruction in its wake, managing to cause a power line collapse, car fire, natural gas fire and a power outage in the span of about thirty seconds | (70) |
| (VegasCabbie) | |
Things that suck about being a cab driver: 1) low pay, 2) boredom and long hours, 3) your co-workers punching you in the face | (34) |
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Having 360 bags of compost delivered to a residential home might tip off the police to your massive pot farm | (36) |
| (610 WTVN) | |
Judge offers loud rap music listening basketball player a break on fine if he listens to classical music for 20 hours. Could only take Mozart for 15 minutes, yo | (123) |
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TelevisiOn sTAtion guiLty oF subliminal AdveRtising, Keep reading this | (70) |
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Inmates at Welsh prison win luxury bathroom shopping spree in recognition of their prize-winning gardens | (19) |
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Sagging economy stiffens recession sex | (49) |
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"As tempers flared, one man grabbed a hammer, the other a letter opener." Two men enter, one man leaves | (25) |
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Slowly but surely, everyone is being cleared of killing JonBenet Ramsey | (78) |
| (Some facetimer) | |
It's good to have a life outside of work, but Nevada governor Jim Gibbons has been in his office 12 days over the past 9 weeks | (68) |
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Qantas is blaming their near accidents on passengers having wireless devices in use | (84) |
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German magazine to hold Muhammad look-a-like competition. Should end well then | (115) |
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Senior citizen gets bill for c-section delivery. She claims it's not hers; hospital promises to look into it | (32) |
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US air raid in Afghanistan downgraded from "success" to "oops" | (239) |
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Come visit Hawaii. And look at this pr0n, you biatches and n-words | (89) |
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Inside the mind of celebrity stalkers. A whole new level of CRAZY | (164) |
| (Some Yankee) | |
There are Civil War buffs. There are Civil War Collectors. Then there's this guy | (65) |
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Mass. man grows 860 kg pumpkin, names it "Ted." | (81) |
| (Good Milk) | |
China tests find no melamine in new liquid milk so they've got that going for them which is nice | (47) |
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Fight erupts in line for $2.88 gas | (156) |
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Thieves steal $2k in sex toys. Store Owner: "They took all the Rabbits but they left the Seahorse, probably because they had enough butt plugs". Fake | (117) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Naked man gets dressed and leaves when woman comes home to find him sleeping naked in her bed. But he did leave his phone in case she, or the cops, want to hook-up later (3rd story) | (18) |
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Man walks into wrong house during blackout -- that's a shooting (with video) | (198) |
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Students too poor to rent accommodations are now squatting in vacant terrace houses. Of course, they're art students, which explains the first part of the headline | (122) |
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Schoolteacher busted selling pot to supplement her income. Bonus: she taught at Greenleaf Elementary School | (35) |
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Woman claims to be Elvis's half-sister, says the singer is still alive and living as "Jessie" Presley. She didn't say what he was doing, but donuts and amphetamines are no doubt involved | (81) |
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In their never ending effort to carry water for the republicans the NRA endorses gun control advocate John McCain | (677) |
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Authorities want to deport man wrongly convicted of rape before he can win his lawsuit against the police department | (74) |
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Brits appreciate their boozers. "One of the reasons the late Queen Mother was so beloved was that she spent the last decades of her life in a benign alcoholic haze" | (71) |
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French author Le Clezio wins the Nobel prize for literature: evidently, they thought he was a dynamite writer | (71) |
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Bank burglary bid by big blue bucket-bearing bunny backfires. Bollocks | (23) |
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Protip: If you're going to rob a random person on the street, try not to choose an off-duty police officer | (58) |
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China pinky swears that if the US will pretty please with sugar on top release those separatist chinese muslim terrorists from gitmo, it will take them in and hug them and kiss them and not torture them or anything | (72) |
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I have a spelling chequer, it came with my pea sea, and it just cost me $154,000 | (78) |
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Man impregnates 30 lesbians, raises fears of incest | (174) |
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No matter how mad you are about your parking ticket, you probably shouldn't extinguish your lit cigarette in the officer's eye | (66) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Fisher-Price talking doll pulled from shelves for saying "Satan is king" and "Islam is the light" | (139) |
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Chicago to open "gay-friendly" high school in 2010, despite fears of vicious prom-queen competition | (258) |
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Man to Yosemite Park official: "Yeah, I was wondering if we could switch cabins. Maybe to one that isn't so.......landslidey?" | (18) |
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Man is attacked by a bear, manages to pick up a stick, beats the bear to death with his one good arm, and then walked a kilometer to get some medical attention. Guns don't kill bears, 5'9" men with sticks kill bears | (293) |
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About a dozen passengers had the fish; plane makes emergency landing in Chicago | (127) |
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Family returns home from restaurant meal to find stranger sleeping in their bed, shoots him immediately. Just kidding, this ain't Texas | (80) |
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Being told by a cop after being arrested for stealing beer is NOT the best way to discover your girlfriend used to be a man (with "would it bother you if you knew?" pic) | (163) |
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Tilt shift time lapse video. Hard to believe it's not miniature. Do not view while high | (119) |
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Photoshop this pepper-ball gun | (45) |
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A year's worth of heroin for the entire world has gone missing. I'm looking at you, Amy Winehouse | (79) |
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Missouri man accused of driving his lawnmower drunk. How much alcohol was involved, you ask? The mower was pulling a trailer with a case of beer in it, in case the flask of whiskey in his pocket ran dry | (19) |
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He thought he was the king of America. Actually, no he didn't. But he could have been | (89) |
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British food will kill you all. No, seriously | (57) |
| (NBC 23) | |
Four goats slaughtered at Texas high school. In related news, Texas high schools have goats. Well, HAD goats | (46) |
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Ottawa tourism ads win awards, shaming those naysayers who thought, "If you think it's a shiathole to visit, you should try living here" slogan was too obvious | (64) |
| (Joseph Smith) | |
Man claims that Zen and God made him open a bank account, and then Satan made him beat up two police officers and the bank manager | (31) |
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Baskin Robbins rolls out presidential ice cream: Whirl of Change and Straight Talk Crunch. That's the best they could do? Voting enabled in case you have a better suggestion for candidate ice cream names | (208) |
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A moose never bit my sister, but one did get frisky with my truck | (38) |
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Father files lawsuit because his teenage daughter was farked with so badly on the Internet that she was admitted to a mental health clinic. Mental health workers hope 'turning the damn computer off' suggestion will be helpful advice | (98) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Eighth grader texts nude picture of herself to 13-year-old boy. Boy arrested on charges of being a filthy, filthy boy who received child pornography from the helpless victim | (251) |
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When a judge says he wants you to "die like a beast in a cage" and then sentences you to a thousand years in jail, well, you know you done farked up | (89) |
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When you're accosted by a gun-toting robber, you probably shouldn't ask him if his gun is loaded, lest he pull the trigger and remove all doubt | (28) |
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Wild turkey takes up residence at Harvard Business School, "scaring" and "terrifying" MBA students | (87) |
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News: Woman shot in the leg. Fark.com: By her cast-iron stove | (38) |
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Man allowed by TSA to board airplane after two grenades found in luggage. Meanwhile, carrying four ounces of hair gel? Step over here into our Tase-nasium, sir | (74) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 179: "Collections". Details and rules in the first post. LGT next week's theme | (213) |
Wed October 08, 2008
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Uighurs' release from Guantanamo blocked by appeals court after Bush administration says it could set dangerous precedent, lead to freedom for Icy Hot Stuntaz | (100) |
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Problem: have a pot of boiling water and nowhere to put it. Solution: dump it on sleeping husband's groin | (35) |
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Photoshop this model in a knot | (52) |
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Judge Dredd smartshell shotguns target '09 Iraq deployment | (67) |
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Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart refuses to evict people in his county because most of them are renters who have done nothing wrong | (309) |
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McCain flashes back to Hanoi Hilton, refers to American populace as his "fellow prisoners" | (345) |
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Step 1: Steal a snake and turtle from the zoo. Step 2: Feed your cat to the snake. Step 3: Return to the zoo to ask what else to feed the snake. Step 4: Jail | (41) |
| (azfamily.com) | |
Remember: the Grand Canyon is for viewing and photographing only. Do not use it to test your various theories of gravity | (107) |
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Somali pirates close to deal. Pittsburgh still expected to finish last next season | (74) |
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Hurrican Norbert bulks up, threatens Baja, still can't quite be taken seriously | (35) |
| (Some cop) | |
"Even for the Florida Keys, where some consider doing jail time a rite of passage, this could be a record" -- 149 felony counts | (27) |
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Sarah Palin no longer wearing a wedding ring. Are there problems between her and Alaska's "First Dude?" (picture) | (285) |
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The headline: "Urine's Sterile. So When Should You Drink It?" The photo: A guy eating a roasted tarantula on a stick. If you guessed this article is a review of a new kid's book, you win a cookie | (76) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Obama: "We all have to make sacrifices. But I'm going to make the richest 1% pay, not you. But we all have to make sacrifices. So here's some free money. But remember: We all have to make sacrifices" | (659) |
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The national debt clock adds an extra digit, will soon be stuck at a static number like those McDonalds signs that say "over 99 billion served" | (110) |
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One in three British men prefer smaller boobs. It was also noted that one in three British men filled out the survey with their wives sitting next to them (NSFW pic in link, thread has become NSFW) | (3145) |
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AIG back at the trough | (280) |
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It's DEFINITELY a good idea to hit a cop in the nuts while you're tailgating. Naked. In the back of your truck which you've turned into a pool | (49) |
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If you plan on smuggling your heroin around in a suitcase, try putting it in coffee cans or porcelain dolls. Using a corpse stuffed with heroin will only make things worse | (37) |
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Georgia complains Russian pull-out is incomplete. Russia doesn't understand what the big deal is, claims it is only using the tip | (34) |
| (NBC 4) | |
You may want to reconsider your criminal career when a 6-year-old girl can kick your ass | (49) |
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Towing a 25-Foot "Viva Viagra" rocket? That's a jailing | (44) |
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The most incredible personal library evar. Behold internet start-up CEO Jay Walker's paradise, including an actual Sputnik satellite, and a napkin on which FDR planned to win WWII | (199) |
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Woman arrested for DIY wine tasting | (36) |
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In a shocking turn of events, police departments are abusing terrorist watch lists to spy on political activists | (302) |
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"At the pace things are going right now you're going to have ask whether you're better off than you were four weeks ago." | (158) |
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Sixteen percent of Americans owe more on their home than it's worth, mostly in America's bookends of dumbness, Florida and California | (206) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Former Mad Magazine cover artist takes job as Houston PD sketch artist | (106) |
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Do you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain? | (105) |
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So a guy walks into a bar with a running chainsaw | (96) |
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Man steals two laptop computers, a desktop computer, a fax machine, VCR and some tools from victim's home. Challenges the victim to a fight and says he'll give it all back if the victim wins | (107) |
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Everyone who has a sitting parliament, please take one step forward. Not so fast, Ukraine | (79) |
| (Some Natural) | |
Insta-Photoshop the non-airbrushed Sarah Palin to appease conservatives who are outraged at her natural, non-'Shopped appearance | (116) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ugly ass tiger cubs born at Honolulu zoo. Well they are actually pretty darn cute | (50) |
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German couple claim world record for continuous movie watching, after seeing 57 films in 123 hours. Extra credit given for watching "Norbit" and "Stomp the Yard" | (51) |
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People from other states are now abusing Nebraska's "Safe Haven" law by abandoning their teens across state lines | (237) |
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Photoshop these early space racers | (36) |
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In Afghanistan with the ISAF, some of the coolest pictures you'll see today | (164) |
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Man photographs chupacabra. However, just like Bigfoot and Michael J Fox, the photos come out all blurry | (99) |
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Not News: Woman has credit cards, cellphone stolen. Still Not News: She tries to conduct the criminal investigation herself. Fark: By fingerprinting and running background checks on her 7th grade class | (114) |
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Portland housing market slides downhill, literally (pic) | (54) |
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The average woman has twenty-six makeovers in a lifetime, if she manages to live that long after draining your joint account yet again | (109) |
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How to make a bad situation much worse: After getting bitten by a rattler, get behind the wheel of a vehicle, see what happens | (45) |
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Gasoline below $3 may be coming soon. Along with the Messiah | (287) |
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Perhaps an area containing 244 sex offenders isn't a good route for your school's cross-country team to run | (108) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Authorities find 15 cats and an artillery shell in a storage unit. Cats angry that their nefarious plan was thwarted, vow revenge | (57) |
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Judge tells woman she should have left abusive relationship and to not bother calling police if she goes back | (345) |
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If you think your day already sucks, try having to explain how your cop car got stolen from your driveway | (57) |
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Man buys winning lottery ticket -- seven seconds too late | (144) |
| (Sex Drive) |  |
"He's like the douchebag from high school that drove around the parking lot doing donuts" (Sponsored Link) | (38) |
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Parish Priest being persecuted for playing Church bells through his PA system: "We are disappointed and hurt that there is still a small minority who seem offended at the sound of Christians" | (293) |
| (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) | |
Welder fails to realize welding an oil tank full of oil might be dangerous, puts himself in the running for a Darwin award | (66) |
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I'm sorry, I can't do jury duty for a murder trial. I was once a murder victim. I'm also the Lindbergh baby and Judge Crater | (52) |
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There's crazy, and then there's "Throw holy water on your teacher because she's a witch" crazy | (104) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bible publisher repackages it like a fashion magazine, with celebrities on the cover and glossy photo essays overlaid with bible verse. Because nothing says "understand your God and your life purpose" like Angelina Jolie's face | (44) |
| (Journal Times) | |
Wisconsin man denies having child pornography on his computer. He told police "as long as the girls had breasts they were not underage" | (102) |
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Palin email hacker indictment. Neglects to use letters Not safe for work after each instance of "4chan.org" | (477) |
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Man skips jury duty on DUI case to go drinking | (33) |
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"Blondes have more fun" is a movie, not a legal argument | (53) |
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Road worksite flaggers heckled by a) drunken idiots b) schoolyard bullies c) dozens of jealous off-duty cops | (72) |
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Mother of the year candidate threatens to publish nude pictures of 13 year old boy unless he dates her daughter | (59) |
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Big Bone Lick wishes to raise its stature, go down in the history books. Penis | (29) |
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Current presidential election polls show 8% still undecided, of which 45% are stupid. John Oliver takes a closer look at these stupid people in this surprisingly Pythonesque report | (185) |
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Old and busted: pretending to fall asleep and ignoring the people next to you on a plane. New hotness: mid-flight bondage against their will. And yes, the "I was drunk" excuse comes out to play too | (47) |
| (OC Register) | |
Q: What really goes on at co-ed sleepovers? A: "Males and females sleep together a lot and nothing happens" | (185) |
| (wsai) | |
Turns out Palin is related to Princess Diana & FDR. The prophecy has been fulfilled | (128) |
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In WW1 scouts crawled into no-man's land and drew pictures of enemy fortifications for their comrades. This guy was amongst the best and his full color sketches have just been re-discovered | (132) |
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Jennifer Lopez regrets saying she'd had "a kind of nervous breakdown" to reporter, sues him for reporting on it, ensuring that everyone who hadn't read it before will read it now | (83) |
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Gambino crime-family, once the most powerful mob in NYC, have been neutered so much that they are now down to shaking down Bronx hot-dog vendors | (97) |
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Opps, she did it again - Jamie Lynn Spears continues to follow in the footsteps of her big sis - She's pregnant AGAIN | (566) |
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IOC will retest all doping samples from Beijing to check for traces of a new blood-boosting drug. It sounds like this is turning into a pissing contest | (36) |
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Caption what Barack Obama is saying to John McCain after the debate | (487) |
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Global markets plunge sharply deeper, Federal Reserve cuts rates half a point, but Dow futures hint at abysmal day ahead. Good Morning! | (542) |
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Society treats fat people worse than alcoholics, junkies, and credit card addicts | (685) |
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Photoshop this sparse space | (70) |
| (Some Mayor) | |
Mayor of Maine to make series of sex tapes. "I wish that somebody had actually provided a place besides the back of a car." | (67) |
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Pentecostal pastor wants to make a reality show based upon his quest to find a God-fearing wife | (63) |
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Nobody bothered to tell the new UC Davis band director about the "naked bus" tradition | (132) |
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You've robbed a convenience store do you: a) steal dogfood; b) eat it; c) fall asleep on the store's roof; d) all of the above? | (55) |
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Student who flashed a teacher said he was inspired by "That 70's Show" | (72) |
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The media tosses aside the less important issues of the day to focus on what matters: George Clooney has grown a moustache. A MOUSTACHE | (138) |
Tue October 07, 2008
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Ewer kidding: 10th-Century Islamic carved crystal jug sells for $5.5 million | (75) |
| (Some Girl) | |
Photoshop this heavy smoker | (48) |
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Today's violent custody dispute is brought to you courtesy of a possum | (40) |
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St. John's Wort plant is just as effective in treating depression as Prozac. But since it's a natural herb, instead of being embraced, the treatment will probably be made illegal | (259) |
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Obama/McCain 2: This Time It's Personal. Discussion Thread #2 | (2746) |
| (divisibleby0.com) | |
The eight phases of dating. Subby thinks it's real, but he's still trying to get past phase one | (99) |
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Strip club offers free flu shots | (38) |
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Self-titled "God" storms into New Jersey high school and begins stripping. Even times are tough for the Big Guy upstairs | (42) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ten-year-old was doing 90 when the van he was driving crashed. Luckily, two adults were supervising; a man wearing a shirt that said "Buy this dad a beer" & a woman seen stuffing pills into her mouth at the scene | (26) |
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Now we know what this guy was doing while his girlfriend was stuck to the toilet seat for a month: he was buying lottery tickets | (39) |
| (Belmont University) | |
Obama/McCain 2: Talking Point Boogaloo Discussion Thread #1(Thread closed. See new debate thread above) | (2584) |
| (Some Guy) | |
O.J. was so certain there would be a hung jury in his latest trial that he planned an "acquittal party", guess that will have to wait for a while | (108) |
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Second debate rules favor everyone except the voters | (189) |
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Health officials are stumped as to why 40 students got sick while on a field trip to a Civil War re-enactment. Haven't yet ruled out terminal boredom | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police chief shoots moose walking through town because people won't stop looking at it | (100) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Palin handles a heckler who is apparently zombie Jerry Garcia. (With video goodness.) | (675) |
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Five retarded get-rich quick scams (People still fall for) | (255) |
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China is conducting its own probe of Chinese gymnasts' ages; say they won't rest until they find the real killers. Um--ages, l mean. The real ages | (64) |
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Photoshop theme: Rejected cell phone features and accessories | (60) |
| (Birmingham News) | |
Alabama officials learn of this new rock song about the state by some band called Lynyrd Skynyrd, rush to get song's title onto state's license plates | (137) |
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Anonymous package of bacon closes congressman's office, which marks the first time in history a politician ran away from pork | (75) |
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The "dudes who own cats" article in the NY Times Styles section once again proves that "The section exists to advance the bogus" | (129) |
| (Drew) |  |
Discussion of Fark's moderating system - Part I. How Fark is different and exactly what are the goals in moderating? | (2307) |
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International story of the day: Iraqi wife of Norwegian diplomat posted to Vietnam gets drunk in Australia, grabs cop's ass and says: "I love you guys. You look so farking hot with your 9 millimeters." Then it gets weird (with pic) | (40) |
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Dow drops nearly 500 points, possibly to infinity and beyond. Not a repeat from yesterday | (462) |
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"Who knew that Europe, of all places, was so under-regulated? Or maybe de-regulation is not the chief cause for the outbreak of financial chaos?" | (182) |
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In addition to funneling money via earmarks to large campaign contributors, his wife's employer, and his pastor, Obama awarded $75,000 in government grants to his wife's cousin | (372) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman dies after being trapped in freezer she was cleaning. Police thawt it was an open-and-shut case, but things were harder than expected. Family says they'll give her an ice funeral | (56) |
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China making noises about Nobel Peace Prize, hopes the "right person" is chosen for the honor--meaning, one assumes, anyone who isn't a dissident locked away in their prison system | (45) |
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Study shows that if TV commercials are shorter, people watch them. It also shows that if you drill a hole in viewers' skulls and physically insert your ad, it works even better | (68) |
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Rabbi arrested for porking his daughter. That's not kosher | (151) |
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Fed Reserve Chair Ben Bernanke says his economic outlook is even weaker than previous estimates. That's for those of you who were getting tired of all the good business news | (126) |
| (KC Star) | |
College hosting the presidential debate has been dry for more than 50 years, but will allow alcohol the night of the debate, since the live audience will need it | (64) |
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Qantas still unsuccessful in killing its first passenger. Although it's not for lack of trying | (39) |
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State agency to promote economic development will close down on Fridays in order to save money | (19) |
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Supreme Court to rule on FCC's ability to fine networks for "casual swearing". Dick Cheney expected to casually invite the court to go fine themselves | (62) |
| (WLEX18) | |
Former Deputy accused of murder emails police to taunt them. Suspect: OMGWTFLOL U can't catch me LOL. Police: OMG ur in iowa? lol | (32) |
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USA isn't winning the "worst stock market performance of the year" award yet. China and Russia are - come on guys, we can't let those commies win | (71) |
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Tropical storm Marco expected to hit Mexico, unfazed by the Mexican Navy's efforts to lure it away from land by getting close to it and yelling "Polo" | (36) |
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Angry passenger takes out his frustrations with flight crew over delay by throwing foot powder around the plane. Buh-Bye | (34) |
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You're a bus driver and want to make the kids shut up. Do you: C) park on a railroad tracks with a train coming and threaten to not move until the kids shut up? | (69) |
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What happens when SNL takes a break from the "Palin is stoopid" weekly segment and instead makes fun of George Soros and Nancy Pelosi? Next stop "memory hole" | (298) |
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Sexagenerian threatens wife for sex | (46) |
| (Some Guy) | |
NJ Governor wants the state to be the world leader in wind power through an innovative wind-reclamation process whereby guido hairdryer blowback is recaptured and recycled | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Double shooting at a nightclub was probably triggered by a conflict over a woman. Or maybe a hat. "I keep an AR-15 in my truck and if anyone (expletive) with me, that's the first place I run" | (99) |
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Flush with taxpayer cash, AIG executives head to "conference" at expensive luxury resort | (260) |
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If you're going to plead not-guilty don't tell police, "I'm glad I ripped his head off". Threatening to eat the corpse is also frowned upon | (11) |
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Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum. Om mani padme hum. This is my rifle. This is my gun. This one's for fightin'. This one's for fun. Om mani padme hum | (34) |
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If you're going to choose being a criminal as a career in a country filled with security cameras, it's probably not a good idea to get your name and date of birth tattooed on your neck | (26) |
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Scientists discover genetic link to premature ejacul--DAMMIT | (130) |
| (NewsLite) | |
UK Police taser runaway sheep. Or as it's known in Wales: "foreplay" | (16) |
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Guy tours the world. Brings back excellent snapshots of a fridge magnet, a key ring and a money bank | (34) |
| (The Edmonton Sun) | |
Guy refuses to pay child support, because he says he was asleep when the child was conceived | (68) |
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Activists say the latest endangered species is ..... t........ t....... th.............. th....thth .....thth...... the neon sign | (43) |
| (CantonRep.com) | |
"Hello 911? I'm calling from my son's trailer. It looks like he's in the bathroom, but his head's missing. I know it sounds really weird. Could you just dispatch an officer?" | (86) |
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Boater injured. By a mullet | (40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Lebanon and Israel go to war over the most pressing issue in the Middle East: who invented falafel | (65) |
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There are many places in the world where skinny dipping is acceptable, but the moat around the Imperial Palace in Tokyo does not feature on that list. Picture in link is funny, but Not safe for work | (96) |
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Theme: If the Amish ruled the world... | (84) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Which is weirder: This woman's sketch for a project to cover an SUV in crochet, or that U.S. Customs detained her on suspicion of "copyright infringement" for posessing it? (pic) | (132) |
| (Daily Camera) | |
I bet you didn't know there was an International Association of Bloodstain Pattern Analysts. But there is, and they're having their annual convention. Par-tay | (69) |
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Bacchus takes control over Italian plumbing | (33) |
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Protip: When robbing someone, it's generally considered bad form to take a nap in their bed afterwards | (33) |
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Iran: US plane violated our airspace, was forced to land here. US: Where is it? Iran: Um, well, we later allowed it to leave 'cause we're just magnanimous and cool like that. US: Uh-huh, suuuuuuure you did | (199) |
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Let's Learn Judo with Vladamir Putin | (77) |
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Right now, the monkeys just act as waiters, bringing hot towels to the restaurant patrons. But really, they're just waiting for their chance to round us up into camps any day now | (53) |
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Medical board rules fellatio is not an acceptable treatment for kidney pain. Come on, guys, could it really hurt? | (165) |
| (NY Observer) | |
New York Times to consolidate sections in a cost-cutting move, enabling you to read about your tanking stocks and the drain-circling Knicks in the same section | (48) |
| (Middle East Online) | |
Baghdad's first Chinese restaurant opens, will feature General Petraeus' Chicken | (108) |
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Today's story of a teenage girl waking up to find a large snake eating her comes to you direct from Australia | (286) |
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Is this the right building for the hostages? Here's your order: 20 Hawaiians and 22 Margaritas. The police will bring 'em in. Thanks for ordering with Dominos | (29) |
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Seeing how well it worked out for the rest of the financial sector, the Federal government announces its own plans to expand into the exciting world of unsecured lending | (171) |
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New airport bomb scanners will look for cold spots on your body as possible bombs. Subby expects his wife to be detained frequently | (92) |
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"Authorities said (the driver) had the highest blood alcohol level ever recorded for anyone in Rhode Island who wasn't dead" | (113) |
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NH woman fined $200 for donating one sneaker, half a shutter, and a perfectly good cabinet door to a homeless shelter | (62) |
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Woman's bizarre phobia causes her to avoid putting wood in her mouth. Isn't that just called "marriage"? | (139) |
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Woman upset ova appendix surgery mistake | (66) |
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Researchers at Cornell University determine that fatties sit closer to the food at buffets. It's not news, it's -- hey, is that braised? | (104) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this silly stretch | (61) |
| (Leaf Chronicle) | |
Protip: Make sure the fox you just ran over is dead before putting it in the back of your SUV | (84) |
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With the economy floundering, 12 counties on the California-Oregon border are considering seceding from the Union. "Those liberal people down south don't understand us at all." | (214) |
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Putin frowns on Russians putting up statues of his likeness, presumably to save the trouble of toppling them over after hanging his bullet-riddled corpse by the heels in revolution of 2017 | (34) |
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Today's "news to scare the crap out of you" article: A runny nose can be the sign of a killer illness. EVERYBODY KLEENEX | (53) |
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Ten years ago, Matt Shepard was kidnapped and brutally beaten and left to die | (590) |
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Unusual: musical written about Tasmanian fatal gold mine collapse. Fark: "In A flat minor." Who could possibly be offended by that? | (80) |
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New law makes it easier to say sorry without getting your ass handed to you. Admin, when I said you wouldn't know a funny headline if it was three stories tall and kicked you in the ass, well, although it's true, I apologize | (44) |
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When a 7th grade girl loses $42 at school, do you: C) Send her friends to the principals office for a strip search | (110) |
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What have nuns ever done for you? They proved that beer is healthy | (52) |
Mon October 06, 2008
| (Some Chick) | |
Two vehicles heading in opposite directions collide in accident but never came in contact. They both hit a bull elk....cutting it in half | (120) |
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Welcome to Baltimore, home of the $11,000 traffic ticket | (80) |
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How to placate 74 terrified tourists stuck 500ft in the air: Unlock the vending machines | (50) |
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Church welcomes dogs to services. Your dog wants to sleep in Sunday | (44) |
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Not News dramatically redefined: Woman with bad hair to 'probably have haircut' next year sometime. Probably | (88) |
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The first Mr Gay UK [not that there is anything wrong with that] ate a guy [there is something very wrong with that] | (159) |
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Photoshop these kids hanging out with an Olympic gold medalist | (58) |
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♪♪ Bra bra bra, bra bra bandit. Bra bra bra, bra bra bandit. Bra Bandiiiiiit, e-bay my C cup ♪♪ | (80) |
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Artificial foreskin lets you keep your sensitivity AND the covenant of Abraham (w/pic) | (247) |
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Good news: If you're over 75, you can stop getting those pesky colon cancer screenings | (18) |
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Some people just want to spoil Halloween for the kiddies by giving out toys, stickers or pencils instead of candy. Egg sales to likely rise in retaliation | (115) |
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He may be a mavrick, but "he's no Maverick," says patriarch of the orignal Maverick family. Adds, "now get off my lawn" | (183) |
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College student sets dormitory fire, causes $10,000 damage, faces 90-month minimum sentence. Bonus: 31-year old dorm resident | (64) |
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Roxey the tame barn owl found after four days in the wild. The whole story seems made for Disney, except for the leather strap bondage part. SAFWRD? | (23) |
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The doom of Ham has been branded on the form and features of his African descendants. Fortunately the McCain Campaign has one man willing to show us the light of how dangerous a Black president would be. Lest we go against the word of god | (186) |
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Report shows that female medical students aren't confident. Which is fine with men. "So.. you have an earache?" "Yes." "But you want me to give you a prostate exam..why?" "I just NEED one" | (97) |
| (Some Chicken Little) | |
Asteroid to impact Earth tonight over Northern Sudan. Well, that ought to solve that whole Darfur problem | (187) |
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So the US was all like, "hey Taiwan, have this $6.5 billion of weapons," and they were all like "thanks bro" and it was all good until that China was like "you're totally not my BFF anymore." | (84) |
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Market recovers from lows on news that infinity is an imaginary number | (261) |
| (Some Guy) | |
She's not as dumb as you think she is. Look at all the things that Sarah Palin can name | (617) |
| (Some Guy) | |
With its world's tallest building nearing completion, Dubai, flush with money, now plans to build a structure taller than the length of 10 football fields | (186) |
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Dow drops 800 points, possibly to infinity and beyond | (1129) |
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News: Hot girl arrested for DUI. Bonus: She was stopped by police spike strips. FARK: Driving the wrong way down the highway for miles. (w/ video) | (163) |
| (wrcb-tv) | |
Having a sex change does not constitute fraud if you run for city council later, GA supreme court rules | (105) |
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Photoshop this bored gargoyle | (64) |
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Delta to filter porn on planes until they can find a way to charge an extra fee for it | (104) |
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News you can use: Where to find the best bacon | (145) |
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The NY Times would like to reassure men everywhere, that it is perfectly straight to post pictures and video of you and your cats all over the Internet | (181) |
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Couple, unable to afford honeymoon, scour streets looking for trash to convert into air miles, end up collecting enough to have dream honeymoon. "There was enough rubbish out there to fly us to the moon and back" | (57) |
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Dalton Fury explains how he, Delta Force and his enormous beard got to within 2000 yards of Osama Bin Laden before the mission fell apart | (190) |
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The pope, wearing a priceless crown and carrying staff made of solid gold, claims financial crisis is proof money is pointless, says people should instead base their lives on God | (289) |
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77-year-old granny gets thirteen-year prison sentence for smuggling £1m worth of cocaine in vehicle adapted for disabled drivers. They saw her rollin' - they jailin' | (33) |
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According to a poll, 59 percent of voters would have no problem with replacing the entire Congress with intelligent atheist otters or horses that communicate by stamping their hooves | (148) |
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Oil falls below $90 on news that it's Monday | (148) |
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Three people you've never heard of win a Nobel you didn't know existed | (75) |
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Last week: 7-year-old feeds zoo animals to the zoo's croc. This week: "CHILD GOES ON VIOLENT RAMPAGE AT ZOO." Bonus: If the photo's to be believed, he forced the croc to eat at gunpoint. Is there a sweeps week in Australia? | (88) |
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Russian government hosts primetime TV special on 9/11 conspiracy. Two panel members call bullshiat: Building expert and retired KGB analyst | (264) |
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Organic food may actually be more unhealthy than non-organic | (199) |
| (Some jealous guy) | |
Old and busted: Sex with students. New hotness? Faculty sex ring | (133) |
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Study suggests air pollution may increase the risk of appendicitis. That's silly, I live and work in China and AAAAGHHHHHHHHHH | (42) |
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Man demands $66,283.85 compensation for the year he spent in jail after police stopped him for driving with his headlights off in the daytime | (140) |
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Reminder: Cleveland Fark Party Next weekend October 11th. Link goes to previous thread | (41) |
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Twenty-five percent of the world's mammals facing extinction, which isn't surprising when you let Sarah Palin go around shooting at them from helicopters | (145) |
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FBI file details Evel Knievel's dark side, including the time he beat a movie studio executive with a baseball bat in the parking lot of 20th Century Fox | (71) |
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When taunting your boyfriend with a snake, always be sure to pick one that's not poisonous | (63) |
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Chelsea FC Tsar and secretive Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich orders an armored yacht half the size of the Bismark | (85) |
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The top 100 books of all time. Get ready to punch your monitor | (546) |
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Female skydiver dives onto the biggest peak in the world. Wearing rubber underwear. Giggity | (44) |
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Britain is set to become the only European country allowing motorists to drink alcohol and still be able to drive legally, bouncing from kerb to kerb | (73) |
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Venezuelans can give up their gas guzzlers and get a free car and a year of free fuel | (51) |
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"There's way too many goats. Why are there so many goats? The brochure said there would only be a few goats. This is a terrible vacation" | (52) |
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Dow drops below 10,000. If you run the ticker in reverse, it looks better | (534) |
| (Level 12 Dwarf) | |
Two men on trial for attempted murder with battle axe. Unfortunately, the "they failed to roll initiative" defense probably won't work | (89) |
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A strong earthquake measuring 6.6 on the Richter scale has hit a remote village in Kyrgyzstan. At least 70 people are reported dead and the local bank has slid into default | (70) |
| (Some Bard) | |
High school principal in Texas compares cheerleaders' pep rally skit (featuring mob-like execution of rivals) to Shakespeare | (98) |
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Scientists discover huge, ancient pyramid in Peru buried under tons of earth. Let's just let them dig it up and go rushing in there. Not our fault they haven't seen the movie | (141) |
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LSD first became illegal 42 years ago today. Star Trek debuted only a month earlier, so the two couldn't co-exist for long. Or could they? Return to a more innocent and trippier time, courtesy of musical legend William Shatner | (114) |
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Not news: Man steals 15 newspaper vending machines. News: He takes the change and papers and leaves the machines in a motel room. Fark: He checked into the motel using his real name | (22) |
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"Lord, we thank you for these tasty waves and righteous bros. Thanks for weed too, Dude. We also thank you for, uh... OH, Jim's Burrito Big As Your Head, for their biatchin' sustenance. Peace out" | (29) |
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Woman convicted of her milkshake bringing all the boys to the graveyard | (51) |
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New Zealander Rob Thomson says wanting to go outside his comfort zone was the motivation for a 12,000-km unassisted skateboard journey across three continents | (27) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Economic crisis finds people abandoning their pets due to tighter budgets. Your dog just wants his best friend back | (245) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this jazzy drawing | (54) |
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Doctors: Hamsters and gerbils are not appropriate pets for young children, Richard Gere | (56) |
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Man runs into buddy at party. Then backs up, runs into him again | (13) |
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Tradition of sworn virgins dying out. You don't say? | (129) |
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"It just unfolded like that: 'We like zombies. Let's find a way to make real zombies at college.' It was alcohol-induced, I'm sure" | (100) |
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Welcome to Britain: Just don't make a phone call, send an email or text anybody | (136) |
| (ksdk.com) | |
Adult coach of junior football team caught on tape shoving 11-year-old in the face during post-game congratulation line (with video) | (212) |
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Jewish man sues Frito-Lay for religious persecution. When will the suffering end? | (132) |
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Obama = ? Biden = ? McCain = ? Palin = ? You've seen the meme, here's the thread (voting enabled) | (923) |
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Guy pays £1,950 for cab ride from Portsmouth to Munich. Yes, beer is involved | (38) |
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Contact us | Report a bug/error msg
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