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Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.
Sun August 24, 2008
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Holy jumpin' Jesus. Cats are starving the world's poor. Bad kitty | (16) |
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Arkansas estate auction items to be sold include china, faberge' eggs, a suitcase full of explosives. All sales final | (24) |
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Italian priest organizes online "Miss Sister 2008" beauty contest for nuns. Father Guido Sarducci impressed | (51) |
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Your relationship status is actually quite clear - too stupid to be together | (42) |
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After solving world hunger and spreading peace across the world, God takes time to revirginize a tree | (108) |
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Not News: Man tries to pick up prostitute. News: The woman is an undercover cop. Fark: He tries to pay with a bicycle, a cigarette lighter, and two pennies | (76) |
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Nudism. Dumbass bicyclist. Pedophilia. Police assault. This one has it all | (97) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this bubbly ball | (57) |
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Fly, my pretties, fly | (162) |
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Man does the unthinkable: takes on the IRS, and wins | (107) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
The AFA has set up an online form to send Hallmark hate mail for making same sex marriage greeting cards, what a shame it would be if logical people used it to send Hallmark support mail instead | (765) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Store owner fined for selling fake vodak and exploding lighters. Toss in some insta-shred condoms and you've got an unforgettable weekend | (44) |
| (KOLN-KGIN) |  |
"Man Nearly Drowns in Mowing Accident." Uh, you're doing it wrong | (41) |
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Q: Gawd, like, why is my coworker so immature? A: "Research on adult development consistently proves that maturity is not related to age." Fark: Penis | (131) |
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Tennessean reporter SHOCKED that highway patrolman he exposed for illegal activiites has now opened up a background check on him | (112) |
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Florida's smartest 16-year-old girl gets her whole trailer park rescued from floodwaters by emailing photos to the media | (108) |
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I know it was your favorite blouse and that stain is permanent, and also you have a big presentation today but didn't get any sleep last night because I snore. Oh, and that thing with your sister was just one time. Just let it go, okay? | (159) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption this superwoman | (85) |
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Busybody spots couple walking around beautiful lake on warm summer day with their baby safely in his stroller, portable DVD player in his lap, headphones on, watching Teletubbies | (133) |
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Pzyssenzyr jet cryzashzys in Kyrgyzstan | (72) |
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UK government contractor loses USB stick containing personal info on all 84,000 prisoners in England and Wales, even ones who hadn't stayed at a Best Western | (32) |
| (China Daily) | |
We've adopted Chinese innovations like paper, gunpowder and printing; here's another idea whose time has come: death sentences for crooked airline executives | (90) |
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Photoshop this guy and his propeller | (32) |
| (Colfax Record) | |
Yale Professor discovers that Christian churches were performing same-sex marriages a millennium ago. Fabulous | (323) |
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Step 2 is apparently "get moved to a later flight," as airlines are bumping more passengers and doling out more compensation | (72) |
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Restaurant in row over plans to price children's meals according to how much the kids weigh. Lighten up, Frances | (175) |
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Proving that there is a silver lining to every cloud, 12-year-old optimist whose arm was bitten off by an alligator refuses to have his metal prosthetic arm covered in foam and latex "skin" because he wants a robot arm | (265) |
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New book suggests Southerners were responsible for the defeat of the Confederacy. Wait...what? | (280) |
| (Some Delta) | |
"Animal House'" prank causes real-world traffic snarl: 18-wheeler full of marbles dumped on Dallas-area highway. Flounder unavailable for comment | (55) |
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Zoo doesn't understand why the people living next to them can't appreciate the sounds of early morning monkey sex. "It is a beautiful and melodic symphony." | (84) |
| (Philly Burbs) |  |
Woman arrested after vandalizing church and defecating in its sanctuary to "rid the parish of a hex" in place because of children buried near a Dunkin' Donuts. The Aristocrats | (76) |
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The Swiss Evel Knievel gears up for the craziest, most dangerous stunt in history. Just to impress some chicks | (69) |
| (Some Guy's Sweet-Ass Girlfriend) | |
When a police officer asks you how you're doing, lunging at him in his patrol car and saying "I'm high on mushrooms, dude" might not be the appropriate response | (58) |
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Border collie on ballot in northern KY. town. Fark. Former mayor was a black lab. Candidates for the office may be humans or animals but not ducks or geese | (47) |
| (Charleston Daily Mail) |  |
Feds to help town rub out cocks | (37) |
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Students who have a history of skipping school can now legally be tracked with ankle bracelets. "We are at a critical point in our time where we can either educate or incarcerate." | (140) |
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Photoshop theme: Alternate endings | (139) |
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Woman's roommates are her husband and her live-in boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong? | (73) |
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Not to add to the troubled world situation, but..oh hell, let's add to it: Pakistani government teeters on brink of collapse over successor to Musharraf | (65) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
European Psychic shot during robbery, didn't see it coming | (24) |
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Kim Jong Il of North Korea dead and impersonated by a double these past 5 years? The son may not be there | (131) |
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Big Pharma spends millions on thinly disguised bribes for doctors and hospital staff. This outrage highlights America's need for a national health care system like the UK, which would surely end the abuse of - what's that? Um, never mind | (84) |
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Roach with a picture of McCain strapped to it beats roach with a picture of Obama strapped to it. It's not news, it's CNN (video) | (80) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A church in the middle of a monthlong prayer festival has already racked up 10 noise citations. "I'd never be allowed to have a party for 31 days straight in my backyard." | (108) |
Sat August 23, 2008
| (Penn Live) | |
Chaplains to begin riding on Pennsylvania ambulances. "People are often most in need of conversion when they are badly injured or unconscious" | (731) |
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200 people stranded on Seattle monorail. Simpsons thread begins here ➜ | (177) |
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Fatties in Alabama will pay extra $25/month for insurance. Deep fried Twinkies surrender | (305) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this lady standing at the railing | (51) |
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North Korea: We have developed a new kind of noodle that delays feelings of hunger. Rest of World: Congratulations. We call that "eating" | (100) |
| (Some Local Ho) | |
Law enforcement officers find that people advertising "erotic services" on craigslist are really selling erotic services. That's some fine police work there, Lou | (97) |
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You find an old portrait of your grandad. Do you a) have it recreated in a photo-mosaic the size of three tennis courts b) have it tattooed on your brother's back c) both of the above (Hint: this is Fark) | (68) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Your daily Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Baltimore Zoo introduces Sampson the baby elephant | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
HOA threatens residents with $100 fine if they don't come to meetings. Yeah, that'll get them to support the HOA | (225) |
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Archaeologists find Mayan temples and pyramids in Mexico, have four years and four months to check it out | (136) |
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Family wants answers after landfill worker found dead in landfill. Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Feeling the urge to become so angry that you go cross-eyed? Enjoy the most insane website in the history of the internet | (345) |
| (Uncyclopedia) | |
This is a headline | (283) |
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From the first shark sightings in May until the hurricanes roll in before Labor Day, the American summer has become one long, terrifying Red Alert. Is it August? Here comes the annual encephalitis scare. You can set your watch by it | (50) |
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How many of you would actually show up for a National Fark Party? | (1046) |
| (Some Air Guitar Guy) | |
For those about to (pretend) to rock, we salute you: American wins the world air guitar championship | (42) |
| (Some Hoser) | |
New porn channel promises 50% Canadian content. Come up with your best Canadian porn title, Eh. VE | (360) |
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"Man burnt in bouncy castle fire" pretty much says it all | (40) |
| (malaysiakini) | |
Wakka wakka wakka | (87) |
| (WCPO) | |
In small town America you have to work hard for entertainment. In this case the Tobacco Festival parade had a home built airplane run out of gas & crash into the river... (complete with pilot's post-rescue "ta da" picture) | (38) |
| (Some Other Guy) | |
Photoshop this guy in some kind of experimental chair thing | (38) |
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Woman chases down would-be car thief and maces him. While eight months pregnant. Don't mess with Tennessee women, y'all | (94) |
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Maine school asks their bus drivers to avoid making any left hand turns to save on gas. Former NASCAR drivers need not apply | (48) |
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Dr. Drew denies involvement in rehab deaths. Apparently Drew found time between drinking, appearing on "Fox & Friends", attending Fark parties, raising children and finding just the right Foobies links to go to medical school | (78) |
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If you're blind and drunk out of your gourd and wondered just how much you're going to get fined by the courts to hop behind the wheel of a car and take it for a spin...France has your answer | (27) |
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A: John Candy, Moosehead beer, lots and lots of ecstasy. Q: What are three things Canada has given the world | (118) |
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Pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets recalled, and not fondly | (137) |
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Turkish muslims apparently are missing the entire point of religious fasting. Nice to know Americans aren't only ones who view religious suffering as something to be avoided at all costs | (159) |
| (Some High Speed Cat) | |
Meet Chloe, the high-speed ambulance surfing cat. Happy Caturday | (393) |
| (Some Cardboard) | |
Photoshop this baby in a box | (62) |
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So that "be the first to know with a text message to your phone" was a fundraising / email list-building stunt after all | (399) |
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Ah, Olympic equestrian show jumping. The powerful horses, the daring riders, the portly middle-aged half-naked foreigner in a tutu | (52) |
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Remember how mom used to threaten to give you to an orphanage if you misbehaved? And then you got older and found out that it would have been illegal? Nebraska has decided to get rid of that pesky "illegal" part | (91) |
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And now a text message from Shaq: "I dnt no who the [expletive] u think u dealin wit u will neva be heard from one phone call is I gotta make now try me. Sho me." | (83) |
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Burglary suspect, hunkered down for three days in a Maryland motel with his girlfriend, threatens to shoot a police robot that has kindly been bringing them burgers, pizza, soda, and cigarettes | (39) |
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Latest bit of China Olympic failure: Seems like all of the national anthems they've been playing are pirated versions of copyrighted arrangements from the 2004 Olympics | (121) |
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Steven Colbert hates art...and America | (65) |
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Time magazine poses most poignant question of the 21st century: Will the U.S. Develop a Death Ray? | (92) |
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New police task force formed to fight A) Gangs, B) Drug dealers, C) Seagulls? | (26) |
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If you pay your bills and mortgage on time, don't max out on credit cards, and save money, the government has a word to describe you: Suckers | (207) |
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CNN reports that AP heard my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Joe Biden pass out at 31 Flavors last night | (1423) |
Fri August 22, 2008
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If your closing argument consists of telling jurors that they don't "have a clue" about the depth of your client's "heinousness," maybe representing yourself wasn't such a good idea after all | (124) |
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Not news: Woman sues after her 11-year-old son was roughly handled and handcuffed. News: for holding a small rock. Fark: he's learning disabled | (93) |
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Photoshop this double-jointed dodgeballer | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Driver to police officer: "It's not my truck", "If you find something, it's not mine" and "If there is anything in that black bag, it's not mine" | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you have been drinking and are driving, don't hand the officer a bag of pot with your license after you are pulled over. It will only make things worse | (32) |
| (News Journal) | |
Not News: Man dumps woman he was dating online. News: Woman takes it badly and attempts to kidnap him. Fark.com: She uses a laser pointer and leaves ductape-bound dog in the man's bathtub after he flees | (61) |
| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |  |
Man who was tasered while passed out on his couch gets $100,000 prize, er, settlement | (116) |
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Weekly mugshot rundup. Have #1 and #6 bathed and brought to submitter (Note: some tattoos depict nudity, may be Not safe for work in some workplaces) | (241) |
| (Some TF) | |
Man pours "unknown gel" on sleeping victim, strikes him with mallet/plate combo, and then things gets really weird | (26) |
| (Galesburg Register-Mail) | |
If you're a cop and want to score some cocaine, don't steal it from the evidence locker | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Hey honey, it's me. I'm in jail. Yeah well, funny story. I forgot to mention that I've been on the lam for the last 35 years | (52) |
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Father claims his boys were happy to flog themselves. Really, aren't we all? | (59) |
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After 99 years of grammatical incorrectness the town of Smartsville, California finally gets 2nd "s" back. Grammar nazis rejoices | (46) |
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Oil takes its biggest drop in four years on news that Michael Phelps is banging Stephanie Riche | (144) |
| (Some Falcon) | |
Creationist school director in Malta says Dinosaurs helped build the pyramids | (358) |
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Bad: bank calls to report suspicious activity on your credit card. Worse: someone is in a hotel room rented with your card right now. Fark: It's your girlfriend with another guy | (82) |
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Obama Bayh bumper stickers being printed in Kansas ahead of the convention | (673) |
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Some in Utah worry that a game-day t-shirt for the Aggies that reads on the back, "I'm Proud of My A" would be taken the wrong way | (53) |
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Obama's Four Worst VP Picks | (154) |
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Ring... "hello, is your refrigerator running?"... "yes, it is"... "well, you'd better come outside and catch it" BANG | (61) |
| (Some Mix-a-Lot) | |
Who loves short shorts? Kentucky judge doesn't love short shorts (if the bottom matches the top, pic in article may prove judge justified) | (161) |
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TV reporter tries 200 proof ethanol made at Coors brewery on air, tries not to giggle | (90) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this man in his chair | (46) |
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Enterprising young criminal brings his own police officer to shoot his dumb ass | (49) |
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Fay falters following failed Florida flattening fiasco. fenis | (65) |
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Indianapolis Fark Party--Saturday August 30th. Pre-party book signing with Drew and Joe Peacock . LGT signing info | (44) |
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And todays's awwwww dog hero story comes to you from Buenos Aires. Your dog has something in its eye | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's Craigslist special: free genuine wooden sticks | (103) |
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Prosecutors have no idea how to get a 1,000-pound woman to court to face charges that she killed her nephew. And if she's found guilty, they don't think she'd fit through the jailhouse doors | (283) |
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The most recent victim of the housing crisis? A pig. It's not news, it's CBS | (18) |
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Remember the tanker contract Boeing cheated to win, then lost, then protested? Now Boeing says it won't even bid unless it's given an extra six months to get ready | (80) |
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Airline passengers mistake color-coded security lines for life-size game of Connect Four | (86) |
| (Editor & Publisher) | |
"Swimmer Michael Phelps... was the focus of more than one-quarter of all the stories studied, generating seven times more media attention than the next most covered athlete," Thank God we've FINALLY cleared this up | (124) |
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Experts conclude that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is to blame for the decline of women attending the Church of England. Like, whatever | (162) |
| (Symphony and Larue) |  |
Ugly-ass Tapir born at Jackson Zoo. Closest living relative the odd-toed ungulate unavailable for comment | (32) |
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Drew's been on the set of Tucker Max's new movie, gives his brutally honest opinion about it for Gawker | (175) |
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From the top of the CNN.com front page: Live Developing Story: Horse being rescued from ditch in Florida. For some reason, a familiar phrase containing the words "it's not news..." comes to mind | (39) |
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Man eaten in attempt to receive crocodile's blessing. Guess that's a "No" then | (101) |
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Aborigine leader wants boomerang -- taken by british explorer Captain Cook --returned to Australia. Britain tells him to suck it: "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? a stick. LOL" | (63) |
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Research shows that people who tell bad jokes endure an astonishing amount of hostility from listeners. Which explains the plexiglass between Carrot Top and the public | (214) |
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If you are going to commit armed robbery, at least try to get more than a bottle of MD2020 | (57) |
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Australian runner + silver medal = ability to levitate. For proof, see slide show w/ levitating hotness | (148) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Pakistani police arrest third bomber in suicide attacks, note that the suspect fooled them for a time by still being alive | (12) |
| (Some Guy) | |
What in this mug shot gave police a clue they might find pot in his house? | (153) |
| (Donklephant) | |
National Review says John McCain is deciding between Tim Pawlenty and Joe Lieberman...but the New York Times is saying McCain's choosing between Pawlenty and Mitt Romney...and Time says McCain's done choosing, having picked Romney | (153) |
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Farker hacks into MSNBC. Changes professional, respectful headline to "Japan urn thief leaves mourners ashen-faced" | (97) |
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The world's longest beach towel is 2,760 feet long and created by the Germans, who promptly use it to cover every open deck chair on the cruise ship | (41) |
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Two wannabe male escorts are demanding their money back from an agency after failing to get a single date. The Sun is there, reflecting off their heads | (190) |
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Tellers lock out bank robbers after recognizing them from the last robbery. (w/mugshot) | (22) |
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Florida deputies forced to taser Plop-Plop the unruly emu | (57) |
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If you're going to crash a pool party and do the cannonball, get out of your SUV first | (18) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The worst 'Captchas' of all time | (132) |
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You know it's a good party when a man is in critical condition after being hit by a toilet water tank lid | (65) |
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US border agents finally have the power they need to confiscate those deadly threats to national security: penis pumps | (105) |
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"As she got older she got shorter and broader and was reduced to a giant gelatinous blob, carrying many thousands of eggs" | (110) |
| (WLBT) | |
Preacher sending "inappropriate" text messages to the wives of his congregation experiences the Passion of the Christ: Rubber Hose edition | (87) |
| (KOTV) | |
Before spending all night breaking into a store and unsuccessfully trying to bust open the safe, check to see if it's actually locked first | (24) |
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"I live in Georgia but I don't see Russia no where, but they say there's tanks. Should I be worried?" Concerned blogger, Georgia, US | (291) |
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The death of print: Five ways the newspapers botched the web | (105) |
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Do not throw apples at a buffalo. You will get gored. With video of authentic "Calaveras County Crackhead" gibberish | (113) |
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New Jersey pest management association officially calls the race for McCain | (35) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Way cool dad builds his kids a monster treehouse with electricity, cable TV and a bathroom. Just don't tell neighbours the burglar alarm sounds like an air raid siren | (95) |
| (ABA Journal) |  |
Lawyer feels "screwed" after paying $1.5M verdict for sleeping with former client's wife | (122) |
| (WUSA) | |
Good: Bus stop near your apartment. Bad: Bus stop in your apartment | (27) |
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"Despite the early hour, there is a good chance anyone in the area would have noticed a naked man in the streets" | (19) |
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Man who sent letter containing white powder to John McCain's Denver headquarters is behind bars; and was when he sent the letter | (78) |
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Guy that fed an ex-employee to a pride of lions gets out early because he might have beaten the man to death first. So that's okay then | (69) |
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American to get silver after Ukranian female athlete with Neanderthal-like brow ridge, Schwarzeneggeresque mandible tests positive for steroids | (205) |
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Give 'em a little power and they think they're Il Duce: Italian mayors get drunk on extra law-and-order powers, issue decrees preventing people from reading in the park, mowing their lawns, and building sandcastles | (62) |
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More airport efficiency: Security lanes now marked with black diamonds, blue squares, green circles... Oooooh me lucky charms | (65) |
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FINAL ANNOUNCEMENT: CT Fark Party. Saturday, August 23rd. 7pm. Sam the Clam's in Southington | (69) |
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Robber steals man's trousers to get into smart nightclub - "he rated his level of drunkenness as between six and eight out of ten" | (18) |
| (Some Champion) | |
Photoshop this winner | (45) |
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Spoiled milk, no refund for you, poured on the floor, shoved out the door, brick through the car, it's Taser Time | (90) |
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Banned from national parks, grammar vandals are | (127) |
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Wealthy Mexicans terrified of being kidnapped are voluntarily being implanted with GPS chips, flamethrowers | (106) |
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Man attempting to burglarize house gets his shoelace caught, ends up hanging upside down until the homeowner arrives home and calls police. Article includes pic that earned the tag | (215) |
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I would write a clever headline for this article, but to be honest, I don't really see the point | (118) |
| (azfamily.com) | |
Man uses a 2 1/2-foot Barbie Doll rod-and-reel combo to land a record-breaking 21 pounds, 1 ounce catfish. Drinking buddies are still going to laugh at him for using a Barbie Doll fishing pole | (118) |
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Duke lacrosse accuser pens autobiography, "The Last Dance for Grace: The Crystal Mangum Story", to be released in October. Duke sucks | (255) |
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Families spend 34 minutes a day shouting at each other. You submitted this with an all-caps headline and the filter told you off | (107) |
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Within two years, Britain will have more pensioners than children, leading to a severe lawn shortage | (52) |
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WTC 7 case closed. "The public should really recognise the science is really behind what we have said," he said, adding: "The obvious stares you in the face." | (1004) |
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What do you do with empty homes in depressed real estate market? Turn them into grow houses | (31) |
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"Bodies" exhibit of preserved corpses faces ban in California to avoid confusion between displays, surgically enhanced movie stars | (90) |
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Anthrax? In my FedEx? It's more common than you think | (47) |
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Photoshop Farker Broadcastdave for his 30th birthday. Nothing sexual | (94) |
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State's unemployment rate drops. Is it because A) more people are becoming employed in a steady amount of jobs, B) same amount employed but fewer jobs, C) people are giving up on finding jobs | (193) |
Thu August 21, 2008
| (Some Guy) | |
PETA wants to buy SeaWorld, release all animals and show virtual ones instead | (163) |
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With fewer drivers on the road to ticket, Chicago police starting program to issue more citations to bicycle riders to increase safety, by which they mean revenue | (115) |
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FDA approves radiation of spinach, warns that if eaten in large quantities, the irradiated spinach may cause blindness in one eye, and huge forearm tumors | (63) |
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Caption this arresting development | (122) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Kids found in snow cave, not yeti known how they are doing | (80) |
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Americans: they'll do anything to get hold of Canada's ripe, delicious wheat | (172) |
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British dentists report that they are pulling more teeth than ever from their patients. British Farkers gum their jaws in disgust at the perpetuation of another Fark cliche | (66) |
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Man buys 53rd Cadillac in 53 years. Let's not celebrate OCD and wastefulness, okay? | (151) |
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Female teacher who seduced male 14-year-old student gets 1 1/2 to 3 years in jail for not being hot enough | (82) |
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Study says "gaydar" is real. Fabulous | (222) |
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Bicycles: The tool of terrorists. Smug, stinky terrorists | (109) |
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You get to erase five bands from music history. Who do you choose? | (1648) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police claim inmate "committed suicide" with burrito and toothbrush | (41) |
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Bigfoot wankers somehow get back on TV to announce they would have gotten away with if not for those snooping kids | (80) |
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Photoshop Challenge: Create your own Guinness poster. LGT inspiration, examples | (69) |
| (KSAT.com) | |
Stranger walks up to man, says "I have $80K, will give you $10K to donate the rest to charity. But first ... show me some of your own money so I know I can trust you." | (116) |
| (KSL) | |
Not News: Some moron tried to outrun the law on a motorcycle. News: Chase ended with his motorcycle on fire under an SUV. Fark: Suspect told cops, "it always worked for him in video games" | (110) |
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Prosecutors were so desperate to convict teacher of molesting boys on shoddy evidence, they argued his ownership of 'Star Wars' and 'Harry Potter' constituted 'non-erotic pornography' | (160) |
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Madrid plane crash may have been caused by reverse thrusters turning on during takeoff, but cannot be blamed on the oscillation overthruster | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Asshat mayor orders police raid on little girls selling produce from their garden. Residents now safe from fresh, locally grown fruits and vegetables | (100) |
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20-year old Wisconsin chick arrested for two overdue library books. With hittable mug shot goodness | (177) |
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McCain's Denver campaign office receives and envelope full of white powder, early reports indicate it's not pancake mix | (265) |
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Lawyer claims owl killed client's wife. DA: O RLY? | (38) |
| (Some Shoreman) | |
On the pervy teacher fantasy-or-predator scale, red hair and leathers equals "would hit" status | (121) |
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61-year-old woman gives birth to own grandchild. Vagina: It's not a time machine | (87) |
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Woman tasers a cheerleading coach because she didn't put her daughter on the varsity squad | (78) |
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Woman who "forgot" to file police report on "missing" daughter released on bail. Reportedly looking into an urgent lead right by the Mexican border, will let us know what she turns up | (111) |
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Sexual impedance pill to be tested by women...ingredients include vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and lime | (265) |
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Bad: Getting a DWI before even pull out of your driveway. Worse: Getting a second DWI two hours later. Fark: You're even drunker than the first time | (112) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Porn shop beats off County Government for 11 years. Strangely, County Government not happy about it | (85) |
| (tmj4) | |
A lovely family outing complete with guns, armed robbery and Batman comic books brought to you by the City of Milwaukee. Happy Birthday Mom | (96) |
| (Some Guy) | |
New book asks: "what if Jesus ran for president?" "Whosoever voteth for me shall have eternal life .... oh and I just changed Lake Erie into Pinot Noir LOL" | (168) |
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CNN holds a four person roundtable discussion on Amanda Beard "dissing" Michael Phelps. It's not news, it's CNN. Bonus not gay columnist commentary | (234) |
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Senator tied to sex ring allowed to use campaign money for legal fees | (128) |
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The whale that tried to breast feed off of a yacht, well, they were going to euthanize it and he disappeared. Johnny the hungry shark unavailable for comment | (101) |
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Message-in-a-bottle sender tracked down after 23 years, fined for littering | (99) |
| (Some Guy) | |
How many goats are you worth, you infidel? | (154) |
| (WWNY-7) | |
Knocked-up welfare ho threatens to blow up Department of Social Services... Why, because you can't use food stamps to buy Mad Dog? | (656) |
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Elephants can do math. EVERYBODY PANIC | (102) |
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Michael Phelps returns to his tank at Sea World | (176) |
| (Vail Daily) | |
Woman gives birth in McDonald's after she realizes extreme pain she was feeling wasn't from the food | (97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Obama says McCain tried to Jack Abrahm off | (140) |
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Think being punished by deep south state troopers is bad? That'll be nothing in comparison to what Uncle Sam does to the 12 Air Force men and women arrested after they were clocked at 143 mph on their way to a charity event | (202) |
| (KARE11) | |
Prostitution as a summer job is yet another sign teachers aren't paid what they are worth (w/pic) | (379) |
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Despite protests from the headline act, the last stop on the Gary Glitter 2008 World Paedophile Tour will now be London, where his entrance will receive the greeting it deserves | (85) |
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Pottery Gang War results in shots fired into on man's building. Police get involved before somebody gets kilned | (63) |
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Leader of cowboy-themed Christian sect in Sweden accused of being weird or something | (45) |
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Firefighters responding to a small blaze at a Brooklyn warehouse smoke out .... uh ... a large pot-growing operation .... uh ... dude .... hee hee | (41) |
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Here's your update on that kite-surfer dude: Upgraded from critical to serious, able to walk, has broken rib and ankle, spinal fractures and brain swelling, but dumbass is still intact | (114) |
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Hippest second-grade teacher ever gets his kids hooked on Coltrane, and now they're at work saving Trane's house from the wrecking ball | (216) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this apple | (87) |
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If a reporter asks how many houses you own and you say "I'll have my staff get to you".... you might be an elitist | (1560) |
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Squirrel with a coconut on its head - pic 2. The Sun is there | (94) |
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What was that sound? Oh, just another deadline for a Russian pull-out soon to be whistling past | (135) |
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Wildlife refuge to local residents. "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your morning. By the way, has anyone noticed an escaped 600-lb tiger in their yard?" | (39) |
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Today's school shooting with sparse details brought to you by Knoxville, TN | (322) |
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Love triangle ends with two murders, suicide. Husband's worst sphere came true when obtuse wife started dating acute guy she met online | (166) |
| (Kingston Daily Freeman) | |
Hello muddah, hello faddah / Caught some pervs at / Camp Granada / Something something / 'bout my peener / Also, handing Playboy out's a misdemeanor | (112) |
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Women writers weigh in at length on whether the semicolon is an effeminate punctuation mark, don't spend much time dwelling on the period | (130) |
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Living with humans has taught dogs morals. Your dog wants to have an open and honest conversation about the ethical ramifications of subjugating another living being for one's personal amusement | (169) |
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Eh oop, lad; these poncy sahthern names won't doa 'eear i' Yorksha. Nowt wrang wi' Percy Drive or Boltby, choom | (141) |
| (WWL) | |
Louisiana governor won't renew order barring discrimination based upon race and sexual orientation, because "it could cause problems with faith-based organizations' ability to contract with the state" | (315) |
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Not news: Fight clubs. News: Where contestants wear gloves and fencing masks. Fark: Run by martial arts dorks who take this fight-club crap seriously | (99) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this pipe-smoking 50's office drone | (49) |
| (Some Bear) | |
Caption this bear in a chair | (88) |
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Man passes 9-foot tapeworm days after eating uncooked salmon salad. Files $100,000 lawsuit for pain and suffering, new toilet | (204) |
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Mary had a little man, whose beard was white as snow, and everywhere that Mary went the knife wielding, corset wearing maniac was sure to go | (39) |
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More people are starting to party like it's 1699 | (164) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Sci-fi author John Scalzi delivers black velvet Wesley Crusher painting to Wil Wheaton | (243) |
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A massive mechanical mole that has spent the last five years burrowing through Southern California resurfaced Wednesday. Eeeew | (86) |
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Woman accused of assaulting her husband with a knife and a large number of tomatoes | (36) |
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Theme of Farktography Contest No. 172: "Silhouettes". Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme | (296) |
Wed August 20, 2008
| (Some Guy) | |
Is it legal to give a baby wine at a horse show? Police standing nearby: Nay | (79) |
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Not News: Man decides to end it all by shooting himself in the head. News: Five times. Fark: And survives | (183) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Cop looking at students' MySpace page while giving an Internet safety presentation calls their pictures "slutty" and says he shared them with a sex predator in prison | (248) |
| (Some Furries) | |
Photoshop these sheeple | (59) |
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Rep. Stephanie Tubbs-Jones' condition re-downgraded to dead | (194) |
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High school principal outs a lesbian student to her parents, suspends students who support her | (667) |
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Five of the greatest hoaxes of all time. Strangely enough, golden plates and magic spectacles are mentioned nowhere | (222) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teacher at Christian school teaches 14-year old exactly how Adam and Eve had Cain and Abel. "Do not hit" pic included | (121) |
| (Blueweeds) | |
Not news: Local offical pulled over for speeding. News: Cop offers to let him off because he is driving a hydrogen car. Fark: Official insists on getting a ticket to illustrate the speed of the hydrogen car | (96) |
| (Some Guy) | |
How to rob a bank with only an 'Out Of Order' sign | (80) |
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Residents of Melbourne, Fla. not only dealing with historic flooding from TS Fay, they are now contending with alligators patrolling those flooded streets | (111) |
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Hutchinson, Kansas will hit 92 degrees on Friday, but that won't stop Hobby Lobby from selling Christmas trees in August. there are only 126 days left, people | (84) |
| (Some Angoleiro) | |
Man dance-fights carjacker and wins. No word on whether he was a Shark or a Jet | (164) |
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French ban TV channels and programming aimed at children under three, claiming it will damage their development. That's absurd, American kids have been watching tv practically since birth, and. . . uh-oh | (79) |
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Old and busted: scrap thieves stealing drain covers and sewer grates. New hotness: scrap thieves stealing cemetery urns and mausoleum gates | (41) |
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Atlanta school superintendent faces resignation petitions for suggesting that Idaho does not have black people | (134) |
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City builds new $16 million elementary school. Residents vote against referendum that would have paid to staff and run the school, so it'll sit empty | (169) |
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Bush administration set to withdraw all troops from Iraqi cities by June 30th | (282) |
| (Some Suicidal guy) | |
Guy who killed 11 people while trying to commit suicide gets 11 life terms. You can't has death penalty | (91) |
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Giving blood may soon go the way of winding your watch or changing your record needle, as scientists announce a new technique to create unlimited blood supplies from stem cells | (182) |
| (apartment ratings.com) | |
Spy cameras, bugged phones, fake names, and counter-intelligence... Greatest apartment review ever | (147) |
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Rudy Giuliani to play prominent role in national disaster occurring in September | (124) |
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"The management fired all the lifeguards, replacing them with new ones who could swim" | (40) |
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Rebel cows: You can't stop 'em, you can only hope to contain 'em | (49) |
| (Some Fiend) | |
This is why it's so difficult to find a nymphomaniac who doesn't make your life hell | (222) |
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Please be sure your seats are in the upright and locked position. You are now free to surf the internet for porn | (75) |
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Man calls cops after gas station refuses to give him refund for box of condoms. Police say they will probably toss out charge against him this time, won't do hard time | (36) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Student creates fake restaurant with "bumbling" menu & subpar wine list, submits it to Wine Spectator magazine as part of her research--and wins Award of Excellence. Where is your sommelier now? | (116) |
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If you're going to grow marijuana, at least don't grow it on your driveway in plain view | (78) |
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Obama / Sutherland '08? McCain / Cyrus for America? Hell, why not at this point | (96) |
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Montreal voted best city in the world and will occupy Boardwalk, the most expensive square in newest version of Monopoly. The houses will still be made out of plastic though | (87) |
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NATO general says Pakistan chaos emboldens Taliban. Taliban respond that they'd rather be italicized | (30) |
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Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, who was in critical condition, then dead, is now alive | (194) |
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Former Kentucky gubernatorial candidate wasn't attempting to intice young girls into his king sized waterbed, he was merely offering their grandmother "a good fattening hog" | (103) |
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School bus mishap winds up with 6 year old boy wandering alone in Mexico--but on the plus side, the kid won a bundle at the cockfights in TJ | (107) |
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$20,000 worth of gas missing from gas station, that's like 10 gallons | (51) |
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Great tits are packing up and heading for cooler climates in response to global warming. EVERYBODY PANIC | (129) |
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Michigan: Yup, still fat | (175) |
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Photoshop these vociferous Vikings | (49) |
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When operating a gasoline engine, it's best not to do so in your living room | (33) |
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One in five women in America are remaining childless throughout their lives, twice the proportion of a generation ago when women wore short, delicate skirts and stockings more often | (717) |
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The Great State of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese | (98) |
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1. Steal 1000 hair straighteners from work. 2. List them on eBay using work's computers. 3. Profit (with fark-worthy pic) | (119) |
| (PghLive.com) | |
Man convicted for assault with a deadly gnome | (49) |
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Minor fender bender turned crack-fueled rampage brought to you by the letters F and L | (85) |
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Today's Jesus in a piece of wood comes with a twist. Flip the wood upside down and Jesus turns into the devil | (134) |
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FTC essentially bans prerecorded telemarketing drivel. It's not the "electrocute the bastards by pressing the pound key" solution we were hoping for, but it's still a good thing | (173) |
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Boy discovers the hard way why it's a bad idea to have a fart-lighting competition next to a gasoline can. Bonus police quote, "I think he must have won the competition" | (66) |
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Man attempts the old "I couldn't have flashed that cop because my junk is too small to see" defense, with predictable results | (52) |
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Mark Chapman says he is ashamed that he killed John Lennon. Parole Board gives him squishy hug and lets him out. Nah, just kidding, he's not going anywhere | (197) |
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Article asks, "If you had $147,000 to spend on scientific research, would you rather try to find a cure for cancer or see whether women get sexually aroused while watching pornography?" | (172) |
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Russia to cease all military exercises with NATO members, except for invading them | (201) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You probably shouldn't flash a bikini-clad barista who's holding a cup of boiling water. "Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said oooh yeah." | (74) |
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Job-seeker who changed her gender goes to court. (with "you ain't foolin' anyone" pic) | (316) |
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Caught on tape: Woman takes on 6'5", 215 pound, shotgun-wielding convenience store robber and wins | (94) |
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Monkey escapes Dragnet at Tokyo station, promptly falls into pagan clutches | (55) |
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PETA may buy Seaworld from new owners InBev. So if you were thinking of eating Shamu, you'd better act fast | (144) |
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Bigfoot hoax could cost police officer his job--presumably because anyone that bad at falsifying evidence wouldn't make a good policeman | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Do corporations really pay no taxes? Or is it just a bunch of overhyped media BS on a slow news day? The real numbers indicate the latter | (243) |
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Step 1: Steal signs from the roofs of Pizza Hut cars and demand $500 for their return. Step 2: Send a cell phone photo to prove you have them, kindly including your license plate in the pic. Step 3: Earn the tag | (120) |
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Ahora esta llegando en la puerta 9... puerta 10.... puerta 11... puerta 12 | (227) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you're a highly visible TV reporter, maybe you shouldn't be including your photo when soliciting dudes for threesomes on Craigslist | (310) |
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Rice signs missile defense agreement with Poland. Missiles that will defend northern threats will be placed upright, missles for the southern defenses will be placed facing downward | (113) |
| (athensonline) | |
Univ. of Georgia planning to name a building after former governor and US Senator Zell Miller. Students not sure how they will feel about studying in the Farking Nutbag Learning Center | (105) |
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Most Americans think that the worst of the fuel price spike is over. No, this is not a repeat from 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, or 2007 | (194) |
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U.S comsumers consume less gasoline. Refiners respond by cutting production of gasoline. Wall Street considers it a shortage in supply, and raises crude oil prices | (160) |
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City says its speeding tickets should be upheld because its speed limit signs are only a little bit illegal | (155) |
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World's oldest man loses title | (66) |
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Man makes Eagle Scout at age 50. Apparently took forever to get procratination merit badge | (145) |
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Like an unrelenting Haitian on a makeshift boat, tropical storm Fay just keeps hitting the Florida coast | (91) |
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Man photographs police breaking the law, is surprised when they arrest him and charge him with assault, indiscriminate behavior, mopery, high treason, provoking, being a smart guy, listening to classical music and so on | (161) |
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US healthcare getting much better....this guy was only ignored for 22 hours before he died | (325) |
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100,000 people line up to watch a parade of topless female bikers | (118) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If under house arrest, one should refrain from driving naked while speeding, drunk, and high on crack cocaine with a naked prostitute next to you | (85) |
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As the popularity of cremations rises, an odd trend has also cropped up: More people are abandoning their loved one's ashes at the funeral home | (66) |
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Ma'am, I know you're having labor pains, and I'm sorry, but this hospital doesn't deliver babies anymore | (75) |
| (Gainesville) | |
Shoe and bloodied Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirt found inside of bear | (128) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this misty mountain path | (77) |
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A Canadian tradition, where people laugh, wield hatchets and bet on where headless chickens will keel over, has been cancelled due to political correctness | (136) |
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You'd think a 56-year old police dispatcher would know better than to chat as "Dirty Old Ira" and tell a young girl that "14 is the new 18." But since this is Fark, you know that wasn't really a young girl | (87) |
| (WWL) | |
Two hooded robbers try to rob the Sopranos meat market, with expected results | (59) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"At one point while the four were engaged in sex in the bedroom, Salinas started arguing with the defendant and the two men started pushing each other while still naked." | (136) |
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Denver police would like to remind all you hippie Democrats that pot smoking will not be tolerated at the Convention | (107) |
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Woman sues AARP for age descrimination | (48) |
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TSA employee conducting security checks decides to use fragile external control sensors as hand holds to climb onto 9 planes. Failarity is grounded until further notice | (148) |
| (PennLive) | |
Not news: Muslim banned from flying. News: His employer fires him over it. Fark: He's an airline pilot. TotalFark: He's an American Gulf War veteran pilot | (319) |
Tue August 19, 2008
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Photoshop this daft Olympian punk | (72) |
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Having solved a $15 billion deficit, the California Senate breathlessly resolves that electric cars are too quiet. Fail: "It would establish a committee to study the issue and recommend ways the vehicles could make more noise" | (276) |
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Wisconsin man buys lottery ticket. Wife buys a ticket from a different store using the same numbers. Fark: They both win $350,000 | (99) |
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No Rice in China | (87) |
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Not news: Man finds he's on no-fly list. News: He's an airline pilot authorized to carry a gun on a plane and former brigadier general. Fark: He gets around it by using a different name | (123) |
| (Cedar Rapids Gazette) | |
Ninjas rob store in Iowa City. Police say it was inevitable because Iowa doesn't have any pirates | (59) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Fun: Cruising in your 1969 convertible. More fun: Squealing your tires and leading cops on a chase. Not thinking through your cunning plan: Pulling into your driveway with the cops behind you | (151) |
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Climate change a bunch of hooey, you say? The Kenai National Forest would like a few words with you | (573) |
| (10News.com) | |
City manager warned about using computer to surf Pam Anderson's website. Seriously, WTF: Pam Anderson? | (177) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Country singer shouts "Anyone got a beer?" from the stage. Gets one right between the eyes | (115) |
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UK busts plan to kill the queen. Way to go, Frank Drebbin | (84) |
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Medical student arrested after trying to recruit a New Zealand woman and her 4-year-old daughter to breed a society of sex slaves that would live on a farm or island. Also believes the letters he reads in Penthouse Forum are real | (138) |
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The Portsmouth, NH police would like you to know that they have their naked teen problem under control. Bastards | (49) |
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When a soldier is called up to serve his country, the good people of Lebanon, PA do what anyone would do: Throw him off the schoolboard because he's going to miss more than two meetings. God bless America | (77) |
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Meet Annabel Smith, Britian's only female beer boffin. "Tasting beer is what I was born to do." After a couple drinks, you'd hit it | (101) |
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Elementary school janitor spends summer vacation changing from a man to a woman. "We expect the kids to accept this readily," says the principal | (92) |
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Step 1: Freeze a rubber suit and call it Bigfoot. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit. Step 4: Disappear | (181) |
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The new yuppie potluck: Each guest pays a professional chef $25 plus the cost of groceries to cook in your home | (169) |
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Taliban kill French paratroopers, raid U.S. base. You remember the Taliban, right? The guys who are aiding and abetting Bin Laden? You remember Bin Laden, right? Guys? Uhhh, guys? | (330) |
| (KOLN/KIGN) | |
Thieves reprogram ATM to dispense $20 bills instead of singles. In other news, some ATMs still dispense singles | (121) |
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Obviously The War on Drugs is a complete success: Survey finds teens can buy drugs more easily than alcohol. Great j0rb, DEA | (218) |
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Cat Yoda has four ears | (118) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Commissioners of one county in Tennessee vote 10 times to keep schools closed in favor of lowest property taxes in the state | (437) |
| (Some Couple) | |
Photoshop these happy workers | (45) |
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Patrick the Starfish arrested for fondling tourist. Sponge Bob posts bail, unavailable for comment | (140) |
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Detroit's city council tries to vote to remove the city's beleaguered mayor, but are promptly biatchslapped by a judge who reminded them they have no such power to do anything like that | (227) |
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Televangelist who lived "biker-dude lifestyle" and claimed to raise the dead loses ministry over ordinary affair | (149) |
| (WSB-TV) | |
Whoever said vitamin supplements do nothing? This one makes your hair and nails fall out | (88) |
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Top 50 places to live in America for adventurers. Visit Seattle, where the latte and hippies run free | (204) |
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Step 1: Fill dozens of balloons. Step 2: Big countdown with all the participants. Step 3: Submitter gets to use the spiffy new FAIL tag | (1513) |
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Oil falls despite the Georgian strife, further proving no one has a farking clue what is going on | (136) |
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Today is National Aviation Day. Here's your random list of bizarre stories from the industry | (80) |
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Homeless advocates: How can we help homeless children? Hey let's design a summer camp. So they can experience life outdoors.... oh, wait | (54) |
| (Some Guy with a fixy) | |
Not content with beating up bicyclists, the NYPD throws the hurt down on a "hispter panda riot dance rock battle" | (88) |
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Wild dolphin teaches other dolphins to tail-walk. Fifteen yards, still first down | (84) |
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Facebook is for posting pics of yourself while inebriated, not for posting pics of yourself holding indeterminate lumps of flesh during surgery | (55) |
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Man who threw waterballoon charged with launching a deadly missile | (80) |
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Lots of people say they really want to attend the Olympics, but this guy actually cycled over 800 miles to Beijing towing his 98-year-old grandmother in a pedicab to fulfil her dream of attending the Olympics | (45) |
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Attorneygate: What did Bush know, and when did he know it? | (375) |
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Half of college students consider liberal arts degree | (384) |
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"When asked to produce a driver's license, he handed the officer two different pairs of sunglasses and an empty box of condoms" | (61) |
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Officials are worried that the $175 million settlement for the 100 fans burned to death at a Great White concert will spur copycat fortune-seekers to carry fireworks into Night Ranger, Cinderella and Poison concerts at pool halls and bingo games | (147) |
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Punk, 25, would've gotten away with stealing that 81-year-old's wallet if it weren't for that pesky surveillance tape, the car that hit him while trying to escape and, of course, leaving his wallet at the scene of the crime | (32) |
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Phone company to hold promo where people use giant slingshot to launch their old phones into a recycle bin. What could possibly go wrong? | (45) |
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Old couple supports speed cameras even after getting ticket for driving 100 in a 30 zone | (57) |
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Another consequence of rising gas prices: More children have to WALK to school. The horror | (179) |
| (Switched) | |
Forget Taco Bell. Now you can take a frozen burrito with you and microwave it in your car. "Simpsons did it" starts to the right | (75) |
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Olympic medals aren't about talent, training and determination, it's all about star signs | (99) |
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Team of six suicide bombers attack American bases in Afghanistan, killing six | (134) |
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How to Godwin a dog show | (150) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Journalistic accuracy is a dying art in an age where tabloids and blogs can publish whatever they want, a situation that would appall Walter Cronkite if he were alive today | (194) |
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Judge to CIA: Turn over torture documents. CIA to judge: What documents? | (166) |
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Salon in Denver cuts 150 homeless peoples' hair, so they not only look good for the Democratic convention, but they have higher self esteem. Great, that's all we need, an army of confident hobos | (108) |
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Dawn the Giant Burmese Python has a crush on this poor TV weatherman at a state fair (with video) | (38) |
| (FrogSoda) | |
Caption this guy attempting to put his hand in his pocket and missing completely (pic might be NSFW for some) | (150) |
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More than half of all American adults believe prayer can save them from terminal illness. Bill Maher surrenders | (535) |
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Have no-fault divorces produced stronger marriages? | (171) |
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Fugitive mom wants out of prison. "There is no place in the prison where she can go to be alone. She can get no peace and quiet. This is not the lifestyle she is accustomed to" | (124) |
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Photoshop this alternative perspective | (72) |
| (CW2-Colorado) | |
Family's pet cow unhappy when bear tries to steal her apples, drives him off. Udderly amazing | (33) |
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Mafia bosses can no longer sing in prison. Mamma mia | (27) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man arrested after spraying water in the face of a 12-year-old boy who was fighting with his son over a bike | (121) |
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Mutated fish alarm environmental activists in Northern Alberta. Complete with a photo of one of the mutants | (143) |
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News: 115 people buy into "cow share programs" to get raw milk, 15 of whom fall ill. Fark: You can buy into "cow share programs" and "buy stock in a cow" | (106) |
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How much pocket money does a freshman in college need? | (193) |
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You're stupid if you tailgate a cop car. You're really stupid if you tailgate a cop car and you have a suspended license. You belong on Fark if you tailgate a cop car, you have a suspended license and you're drunk | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man refuses to pay full mechanic bill, offers lowball figure, calls cops when manager refuses, cops arrest and jail manager | (132) |
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Man sues Columbia University for teaching that men are "the primary cause for most, if not all, the world's ills" | (323) |
Mon August 18, 2008
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Not voting with your party leadership can sometimes get you in trouble. Sometimes it get you kicked entirely out of the Capitol within 24 hours | (164) |
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Man who lost $30k by "hiding it in the garbage" amazed that it wasn't there when he returned, but he'll pay anyone who gives it back $1000 | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this busy bee | (32) |
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Tossup between "creepy" and "spiffy:" South Korean artist creates skeletons of cartoon characters with archeological precision | (87) |
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Woman gets on bus with hammer to play real-life Whack-a-Mole with driver, passengers. Collects arm's length worth of tickets to buy plastic spider ring | (56) |
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California Supreme Court rules doctors must provide medical care to gays, lesbians. In other news, doctors withheld medical care from gays, lesbians because of religious beliefs | (406) |
| (Some Snoho County Guy) | |
"A bouquet of helium-filled party balloons are to blame for a small house fire, damage to a travel trailer, and a minor electric shock to one woman" | (13) |
| (Some anti-MILF) | |
MILF denies using landmines. Claims it was actually a pair of cannons filled with plastic explosives | (50) |
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Students develop "Spacetime Fusion Technique", a technology to fill or remove objects from video footage | (92) |
| (NBC6) | |
100 college presidents want drinking age reduced to 18. Unlikely barely beat out Hero, Spiffy, and Stupid. Duke still sucks | (142) |
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The phrase"any landing you can walk away from was a good one" is tested to its limit (w/video) | (84) |
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You just KNEW this was coming: The Michael Phelps gold medal conspiracy theory | (260) |
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Not news: Neighbour has disco shut down because of noise. News: It was in the middle of the afternoon. Fark: the disco was a party for kindergarten children | (39) |
| (Where's Your God Now?) | |
Airport security, vegetable porn, and onions being sodomized by pickles. The makings of a good joke? Nope, just your average Burger King tray liner | (102) |
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German teens devise motorized office chair, which is promptly confiscated by police | (27) |
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Thieves steal 300-pound safe from house, are surprised to discover that it only contains chocolate milk mix | (58) |
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Fay crosses Keys, press warns that it may strengthen to a CLASS 9 DEATH STORM before hitting Gulf coast. It's almost as if panic makes for news videos with high ratings | (80) |
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Newsweek asks: has photojournalism lost credibility? In response, 12 million giggling Photoshop users seamlessly add Bush's head to a masturbating monkey | (100) |
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The Russians have pulled out of Georgia, except for the tanks and artillery. And the infantry. And the checkpoints. But other than that, they're practically gone | (140) |
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Diablo Canyon Two, why can't you be more like Diablo Canyon One | (117) |
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Motorcyclist fails in attempt to enter the eighth dimension | (133) |
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You can't take a pomeranian bowling and you can't use one to bribe the zoning board | (47) |
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News: 17-year-old breaks into 85-year-old's home. Fark: She gets the drop on him with her own gun. Epic pwnage: She has him dial 911 at gunpoint to report himself | (352) |
| (KOLN/KGIN) | |
Step One: Call and threaten your ex. Step Two: Kick in her doors, and beat her up. Step Three: Put on the ski mask. Step Four: consider reordering steps 1-3 | (25) |
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Old and busted: H5N1, New Hotness: H9N2 - almost twice as bad? | (103) |
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Teen tries to kill spiders in his home using fire, with predictable results | (38) |
| (Iowa State Univ.) | |
Typical college-town problem: heavy kegs cracking concrete pavement. Atypical solution: rubber sidewalks | (23) |
| (NME.com) | |
Avril Lavigne concert in Malaysia may be cancelled because she is "too sexy". Right Said Fred concert to go ahead as planned, however | (141) |
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¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ∋--- | (75) |
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Water shortages in Spain causing violent outbreaks. Muad'Dib unavailable for comment | (78) |
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Mill where John Edwards' father worked and which he used as a backdrop for his campaign has burned to the ground. Fire marshall suspects metaphorical arson | (65) |
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NYC pet store owner: "I have to feed each head separately so they don't fight over the food" | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you've seen somebody dragging a 135-foot wind turbine down the street, the Sheboygan County Sheriff would like a word with you | (45) |
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Man stops to help car-crash victim, discovers it's his wife | (169) |
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If you've just blinded one pilot on final approach with a hand-held laser, best not try it again with the police helicopter that's coming to get you | (187) |
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Rice: Russia will "pay a price" over Georgia. Considering the US has been writing a lot of checks its ass can't cash lately, Russia is just sort of shrugging and saying "Whateva." | (318) |
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Photoshop this king being crowned | (64) |
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Seattle spends 5 million dollars in toilets. Sold on Ebay for 12 grand. Spokesman for Seattle Public Utilities: "Did we get hosed? I'm not sure." | (100) |
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"Kentucky sheriff travels 4,100 miles to Calif., picks up wrong man, then sends him back on plane" And that, kids, is why "Dumbass" was invented | (48) |
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LP #100: Last Post Wins | (15903) |
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Cruising your front-line fire engine to pick up women on a Saturday night may be fun, but it's not the greatest career move | (20) |
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Father of the year candidate leaves his dead son outside hospital after giving him a fatal dose of pills which they obtained by robbing a pharmacy together the night before. Well, at least he was around and spent time with him? | (93) |
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Canadian equestrian team takes silver at Olympics. Canada now surpasses Michael Phelps in number of medals won at Beijing Games | (158) |
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Guys love skateboarding babes. Take this girl for example -- she was having problems getting laid, and as soon she she gets on a skateboard, BAM. Pregnant. Bonus: She's a paralyzed Israeli turtle | (56) |
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Residents: "KEEP WAL-MART AND LOWES OUT." Residents win. Metal shredding plant comes in instead. Instant justice | (255) |
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Not news: trouble at a wedding reception. News: officers from 14 police departments are called to break up the melee. FARK: bride and groom are tazered two times in as many days. (with picture goodness) | (128) |
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Baby whale thinks luxury yacht is its mother. Everything was going just fine until the little bastard tried to breast feed | (68) |
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About that satelite, Iran may have been pulling shiekh out of it's arse, or at least the mullah over our eyes | (60) |
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Tropical Storm Fay hits Cuba, declared a dissident and is deported to Florida | (58) |
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Russia continues it's tradition of leaving interesting things behind after military withdrawls: first it was scorched earth, then it was the Soviet arsenal, now it's short range balistic missile launchers, except on purpose | (54) |
| (WREG) | |
Asshat Westboro Baptist Church to protest at Issac Hayes and Bernic Mac memorials | (331) |
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China says that of the 77 applications to stage protests during the Olympic games, 74 applications were "withdrawn", two were "suspended" and one was "vetoed". Well, that's convenient | (119) |
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That's what happens when you're down with the Trudgemank | (52) |
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New NYC World Trade Center to be finished by the a) 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, b) 11th anniversary, or c) sometime before the end of the century? | (185) |
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Rolling Stones song brings man out of coma, gives him shelter | (44) |
| (Ynet News) | |
Premature baby girl pronounced dead at hospital. After spending five hours in freezer, baby's condition is upgraded to "alive" | (139) |
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Disney thinks twice, decides to stop selling those amazingly inappropriate children's panties | (125) |
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Man aged 66 with a dodgy knee and after having quadruple heart bypass has become Spain's only British matador. Stay off his césped | (19) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The only thing stranger than making balloon animal Jesuses is collecting photos of them | (29) |
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PETA wants to buy ad space on Mexico-U.S. border wall advising immigrants that "if the border patrol doesn't get you, the chicken and burgers will." Talk about disenfranchising | (118) |
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Gambling addicts sue Lotto Quebec for not telling them gambling's addictive. Five bucks says they lose | (93) |
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The Governator can now walk without assistance after surgery, is ready to crush his enemies and hear the lamentation of the women | (77) |
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GM is down on its knees pleading, but still can't find anyone who wants a Hummer | (336) |
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Two planes have collided over England, killing five people. Bodies will be identified using their dental.......oh, wait | (218) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop everyone's favorite grouch | (81) |
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A full rundown of what you CAN'T bring into Obama's big speech next week in Denver. No outside food, for one: word is he's got a big loaves-and-fishes thing planned | (636) |
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Today's Qantas in-flight emergency: Toilets not flushing because crew forgot to empty septic tanks | (47) |
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"Spaghetti Cat" from our pals at The Soup | (122) |
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For some odd reason, people have an issue with a helicopter landing in their neighborhood to deliver the pastor to church on Sunday morning | (105) |
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Convicted serial killer Ian Brady is complaining that he's being paid less than other patients in the top-security hospital where he is held. U.K. taxpayer dollars at work | (98) |
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Pervez Musharraf announces nuclear clearout sale: EVERYTHING MUST GO | (171) |
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State fairs are going green, and we're not talking about the deep-fried asparagus | (32) |
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California city stunned to find out that filing for bankruptcy and losing 20% of its police force would lead to a sudden surge in crime | (87) |
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Nine-year-old boy's dream is to be a garbageman | (127) |
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Step 1: Drop out of a new truck contest and kill yourself. Step 2: Your widow sues. Step 3: Profit | (84) |
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British MI5 actively seeking gay spies to go where all men have gone before | (61) |
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Wanganui, New Zealand celebrates "Living Without Violence" campaign with worst outbreak of domestic violence in city history | (35) |
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Mom catches teen daughter with phone full of "I need you" text messages from teacher. School responds by putting teen in teacher's class | (132) |
| (Arrrrrrrrrr!) | |
Photoshop this manly pirate | (53) |
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