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Sun August 24, 2008
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Holy jumpin' Jesus. Cats are starving the world's poor. Bad kitty | (16) |
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Arkansas estate auction items to be sold include china, faberge' eggs, a suitcase full of explosives. All sales final | (24) |
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Italian priest organizes online "Miss Sister 2008" beauty contest for nuns. Father Guido Sarducci impressed | (51) |
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Your relationship status is actually quite clear - too stupid to be together | (42) |
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After solving world hunger and spreading peace across the world, God takes time to revirginize a tree | (108) |
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Not News: Man tries to pick up prostitute. News: The woman is an undercover cop. Fark: He tries to pay with a bicycle, a cigarette lighter, and two pennies | (76) |
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Nudism. Dumbass bicyclist. Pedophilia. Police assault. This one has it all | (97) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this bubbly ball | (57) |
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Fly, my pretties, fly | (162) |
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Man does the unthinkable: takes on the IRS, and wins | (107) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
The AFA has set up an online form to send Hallmark hate mail for making same sex marriage greeting cards, what a shame it would be if logical people used it to send Hallmark support mail instead | (765) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Store owner fined for selling fake vodak and exploding lighters. Toss in some insta-shred condoms and you've got an unforgettable weekend | (44) |
| (KOLN-KGIN) |  |
"Man Nearly Drowns in Mowing Accident." Uh, you're doing it wrong | (41) |
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Q: Gawd, like, why is my coworker so immature? A: "Research on adult development consistently proves that maturity is not related to age." Fark: Penis | (131) |
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Tennessean reporter SHOCKED that highway patrolman he exposed for illegal activiites has now opened up a background check on him | (112) |
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Florida's smartest 16-year-old girl gets her whole trailer park rescued from floodwaters by emailing photos to the media | (108) |
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I know it was your favorite blouse and that stain is permanent, and also you have a big presentation today but didn't get any sleep last night because I snore. Oh, and that thing with your sister was just one time. Just let it go, okay? | (159) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption this superwoman | (85) |
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Busybody spots couple walking around beautiful lake on warm summer day with their baby safely in his stroller, portable DVD player in his lap, headphones on, watching Teletubbies | (133) |
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Pzyssenzyr jet cryzashzys in Kyrgyzstan | (72) |
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UK government contractor loses USB stick containing personal info on all 84,000 prisoners in England and Wales, even ones who hadn't stayed at a Best Western | (32) |
| (China Daily) | |
We've adopted Chinese innovations like paper, gunpowder and printing; here's another idea whose time has come: death sentences for crooked airline executives | (90) |
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Photoshop this guy and his propeller | (32) |
| (Colfax Record) | |
Yale Professor discovers that Christian churches were performing same-sex marriages a millennium ago. Fabulous | (323) |
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Step 2 is apparently "get moved to a later flight," as airlines are bumping more passengers and doling out more compensation | (72) |
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Restaurant in row over plans to price children's meals according to how much the kids weigh. Lighten up, Frances | (175) |
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Proving that there is a silver lining to every cloud, 12-year-old optimist whose arm was bitten off by an alligator refuses to have his metal prosthetic arm covered in foam and latex "skin" because he wants a robot arm | (265) |
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New book suggests Southerners were responsible for the defeat of the Confederacy. Wait...what? | (280) |
| (Some Delta) | |
"Animal House'" prank causes real-world traffic snarl: 18-wheeler full of marbles dumped on Dallas-area highway. Flounder unavailable for comment | (55) |
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Zoo doesn't understand why the people living next to them can't appreciate the sounds of early morning monkey sex. "It is a beautiful and melodic symphony." | (84) |
| (Philly Burbs) |  |
Woman arrested after vandalizing church and defecating in its sanctuary to "rid the parish of a hex" in place because of children buried near a Dunkin' Donuts. The Aristocrats | (76) |
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The Swiss Evel Knievel gears up for the craziest, most dangerous stunt in history. Just to impress some chicks | (69) |
| (Some Guy's Sweet-Ass Girlfriend) | |
When a police officer asks you how you're doing, lunging at him in his patrol car and saying "I'm high on mushrooms, dude" might not be the appropriate response | (58) |
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Border collie on ballot in northern KY. town. Fark. Former mayor was a black lab. Candidates for the office may be humans or animals but not ducks or geese | (47) |
| (Charleston Daily Mail) |  |
Feds to help town rub out cocks | (37) |
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Students who have a history of skipping school can now legally be tracked with ankle bracelets. "We are at a critical point in our time where we can either educate or incarcerate." | (140) |
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Photoshop theme: Alternate endings | (139) |
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Woman's roommates are her husband and her live-in boyfriend. What could possibly go wrong? | (73) |
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Not to add to the troubled world situation, but..oh hell, let's add to it: Pakistani government teeters on brink of collapse over successor to Musharraf | (65) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
European Psychic shot during robbery, didn't see it coming | (24) |
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Kim Jong Il of North Korea dead and impersonated by a double these past 5 years? The son may not be there | (131) |
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Big Pharma spends millions on thinly disguised bribes for doctors and hospital staff. This outrage highlights America's need for a national health care system like the UK, which would surely end the abuse of - what's that? Um, never mind | (84) |
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Roach with a picture of McCain strapped to it beats roach with a picture of Obama strapped to it. It's not news, it's CNN (video) | (80) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A church in the middle of a monthlong prayer festival has already racked up 10 noise citations. "I'd never be allowed to have a party for 31 days straight in my backyard." | (108) |
Sat August 23, 2008
| (Penn Live) | |
Chaplains to begin riding on Pennsylvania ambulances. "People are often most in need of conversion when they are badly injured or unconscious" | (731) |
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200 people stranded on Seattle monorail. Simpsons thread begins here ➜ | (177) |
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Fatties in Alabama will pay extra $25/month for insurance. Deep fried Twinkies surrender | (305) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this lady standing at the railing | (51) |
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North Korea: We have developed a new kind of noodle that delays feelings of hunger. Rest of World: Congratulations. We call that "eating" | (100) |
| (Some Local Ho) | |
Law enforcement officers find that people advertising "erotic services" on craigslist are really selling erotic services. That's some fine police work there, Lou | (97) |
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You find an old portrait of your grandad. Do you a) have it recreated in a photo-mosaic the size of three tennis courts b) have it tattooed on your brother's back c) both of the above (Hint: this is Fark) | (68) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Your daily Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Baltimore Zoo introduces Sampson the baby elephant | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
HOA threatens residents with $100 fine if they don't come to meetings. Yeah, that'll get them to support the HOA | (225) |
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Archaeologists find Mayan temples and pyramids in Mexico, have four years and four months to check it out | (136) |
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Family wants answers after landfill worker found dead in landfill. Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Feeling the urge to become so angry that you go cross-eyed? Enjoy the most insane website in the history of the internet | (345) |
| (Uncyclopedia) | |
This is a headline | (283) |
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From the first shark sightings in May until the hurricanes roll in before Labor Day, the American summer has become one long, terrifying Red Alert. Is it August? Here comes the annual encephalitis scare. You can set your watch by it | (50) |
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How many of you would actually show up for a National Fark Party? | (1046) |
| (Some Air Guitar Guy) | |
For those about to (pretend) to rock, we salute you: American wins the world air guitar championship | (42) |
| (Some Hoser) | |
New porn channel promises 50% Canadian content. Come up with your best Canadian porn title, Eh. VE | (360) |
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"Man burnt in bouncy castle fire" pretty much says it all | (40) |
| (malaysiakini) | |
Wakka wakka wakka | (87) |
| (WCPO) | |
In small town America you have to work hard for entertainment. In this case the Tobacco Festival parade had a home built airplane run out of gas & crash into the river... (complete with pilot's post-rescue "ta da" picture) | (38) |
| (Some Other Guy) | |
Photoshop this guy in some kind of experimental chair thing | (38) |
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Woman chases down would-be car thief and maces him. While eight months pregnant. Don't mess with Tennessee women, y'all | (94) |
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Maine school asks their bus drivers to avoid making any left hand turns to save on gas. Former NASCAR drivers need not apply | (48) |
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Dr. Drew denies involvement in rehab deaths. Apparently Drew found time between drinking, appearing on "Fox & Friends", attending Fark parties, raising children and finding just the right Foobies links to go to medical school | (78) |
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If you're blind and drunk out of your gourd and wondered just how much you're going to get fined by the courts to hop behind the wheel of a car and take it for a spin...France has your answer | (27) |
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A: John Candy, Moosehead beer, lots and lots of ecstasy. Q: What are three things Canada has given the world | (118) |
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Pepperoni pizza Hot Pockets recalled, and not fondly | (137) |
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Turkish muslims apparently are missing the entire point of religious fasting. Nice to know Americans aren't only ones who view religious suffering as something to be avoided at all costs | (159) |
| (Some High Speed Cat) | |
Meet Chloe, the high-speed ambulance surfing cat. Happy Caturday | (393) |
| (Some Cardboard) | |
Photoshop this baby in a box | (62) |
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So that "be the first to know with a text message to your phone" was a fundraising / email list-building stunt after all | (399) |
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Ah, Olympic equestrian show jumping. The powerful horses, the daring riders, the portly middle-aged half-naked foreigner in a tutu | (52) |
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Remember how mom used to threaten to give you to an orphanage if you misbehaved? And then you got older and found out that it would have been illegal? Nebraska has decided to get rid of that pesky "illegal" part | (91) |
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And now a text message from Shaq: "I dnt no who the [expletive] u think u dealin wit u will neva be heard from one phone call is I gotta make now try me. Sho me." | (83) |
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Burglary suspect, hunkered down for three days in a Maryland motel with his girlfriend, threatens to shoot a police robot that has kindly been bringing them burgers, pizza, soda, and cigarettes | (39) |
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Latest bit of China Olympic failure: Seems like all of the national anthems they've been playing are pirated versions of copyrighted arrangements from the 2004 Olympics | (121) |
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Steven Colbert hates art...and America | (65) |
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Time magazine poses most poignant question of the 21st century: Will the U.S. Develop a Death Ray? | (92) |
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New police task force formed to fight A) Gangs, B) Drug dealers, C) Seagulls? | (26) |
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If you pay your bills and mortgage on time, don't max out on credit cards, and save money, the government has a word to describe you: Suckers | (207) |
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CNN reports that AP heard my best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Joe Biden pass out at 31 Flavors last night | (1423) |
Fri August 22, 2008
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If your closing argument consists of telling jurors that they don't "have a clue" about the depth of your client's "heinousness," maybe representing yourself wasn't such a good idea after all | (124) |
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Not news: Woman sues after her 11-year-old son was roughly handled and handcuffed. News: for holding a small rock. Fark: he's learning disabled | (93) |
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Photoshop this double-jointed dodgeballer | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Driver to police officer: "It's not my truck", "If you find something, it's not mine" and "If there is anything in that black bag, it's not mine" | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you have been drinking and are driving, don't hand the officer a bag of pot with your license after you are pulled over. It will only make things worse | (32) |
| (News Journal) | |
Not News: Man dumps woman he was dating online. News: Woman takes it badly and attempts to kidnap him. Fark.com: She uses a laser pointer and leaves ductape-bound dog in the man's bathtub after he flees | (61) |
| (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) |  |
Man who was tasered while passed out on his couch gets $100,000 prize, er, settlement | (116) |
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Weekly mugshot rundup. Have #1 and #6 bathed and brought to submitter (Note: some tattoos depict nudity, may be Not safe for work in some workplaces) | (241) |
| (Some TF) | |
Man pours "unknown gel" on sleeping victim, strikes him with mallet/plate combo, and then things gets really weird | (26) |
| (Galesburg Register-Mail) | |
If you're a cop and want to score some cocaine, don't steal it from the evidence locker | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Hey honey, it's me. I'm in jail. Yeah well, funny story. I forgot to mention that I've been on the lam for the last 35 years | (52) |
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Father claims his boys were happy to flog themselves. Really, aren't we all? | (59) |
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After 99 years of grammatical incorrectness the town of Smartsville, California finally gets 2nd "s" back. Grammar nazis rejoices | (46) |
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Oil takes its biggest drop in four years on news that Michael Phelps is banging Stephanie Riche | (144) |
| (Some Falcon) | |
Creationist school director in Malta says Dinosaurs helped build the pyramids | (358) |
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Bad: bank calls to report suspicious activity on your credit card. Worse: someone is in a hotel room rented with your card right now. Fark: It's your girlfriend with another guy | (82) |
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Obama Bayh bumper stickers being printed in Kansas ahead of the convention | (673) |
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Some in Utah worry that a game-day t-shirt for the Aggies that reads on the back, "I'm Proud of My A" would be taken the wrong way | (53) |
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Obama's Four Worst VP Picks | (154) |
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Ring... "hello, is your refrigerator running?"... "yes, it is"... "well, you'd better come outside and catch it" BANG | (61) |
| (Some Mix-a-Lot) | |
Who loves short shorts? Kentucky judge doesn't love short shorts (if the bottom matches the top, pic in article may prove judge justified) | (161) |
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TV reporter tries 200 proof ethanol made at Coors brewery on air, tries not to giggle | (90) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this man in his chair | (46) |
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Enterprising young criminal brings his own police officer to shoot his dumb ass | (49) |
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Fay falters following failed Florida flattening fiasco. fenis | (65) |
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Indianapolis Fark Party--Saturday August 30th. Pre-party book signing with Drew and Joe Peacock . LGT signing info | (44) |
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And todays's awwwww dog hero story comes to you from Buenos Aires. Your dog has something in its eye | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's Craigslist special: free genuine wooden sticks | (103) |
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Prosecutors have no idea how to get a 1,000-pound woman to court to face charges that she killed her nephew. And if she's found guilty, they don't think she'd fit through the jailhouse doors | (283) |
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The most recent victim of the housing crisis? A pig. It's not news, it's CBS | (18) |
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Remember the tanker contract Boeing cheated to win, then lost, then protested? Now Boeing says it won't even bid unless it's given an extra six months to get ready | (80) |
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Airline passengers mistake color-coded security lines for life-size game of Connect Four | (86) |
| (Editor & Publisher) | |
"Swimmer Michael Phelps... was the focus of more than one-quarter of all the stories studied, generating seven times more media attention than the next most covered athlete," Thank God we've FINALLY cleared this up | (124) |
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Experts conclude that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is to blame for the decline of women attending the Church of England. Like, whatever | (162) |
| (Symphony and Larue) |  |
Ugly-ass Tapir born at Jackson Zoo. Closest living relative the odd-toed ungulate unavailable for comment | (32) |
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Drew's been on the set of Tucker Max's new movie, gives his brutally honest opinion about it for Gawker | (175) |
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From the top of the CNN.com front page: Live Developing Story: Horse being rescued from ditch in Florida. For some reason, a familiar phrase containing the words "it's not news..." comes to mind | (39) |
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Man eaten in attempt to receive crocodile's blessing. Guess that's a "No" then | (101) |
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Aborigine leader wants boomerang -- taken by british explorer Captain Cook --returned to Australia. Britain tells him to suck it: "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? a stick. LOL" | (63) |
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Research shows that people who tell bad jokes endure an astonishing amount of hostility from listeners. Which explains the plexiglass between Carrot Top and the public | (214) |
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If you are going to commit armed robbery, at least try to get more than a bottle of MD2020 | (57) |
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Australian runner + silver medal = ability to levitate. For proof, see slide show w/ levitating hotness | (148) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Pakistani police arrest third bomber in suicide attacks, note that the suspect fooled them for a time by still being alive | (12) |
| (Some Guy) | |
What in this mug shot gave police a clue they might find pot in his house? | (153) |
| (Donklephant) | |
National Review says John McCain is deciding between Tim Pawlenty and Joe Lieberman...but the New York Times is saying McCain's choosing between Pawlenty and Mitt Romney...and Time says McCain's done choosing, having picked Romney | (153) |
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Farker hacks into MSNBC. Changes professional, respectful headline to "Japan urn thief leaves mourners ashen-faced" | (97) |
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The world's longest beach towel is 2,760 feet long and created by the Germans, who promptly use it to cover every open deck chair on the cruise ship | (41) |
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Two wannabe male escorts are demanding their money back from an agency after failing to get a single date. The Sun is there, reflecting off their heads | (190) |
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Tellers lock out bank robbers after recognizing them from the last robbery. (w/mugshot) | (22) |
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Florida deputies forced to taser Plop-Plop the unruly emu | (57) |
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If you're going to crash a pool party and do the cannonball, get out of your SUV first | (18) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The worst 'Captchas' of all time | (132) |
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You know it's a good party when a man is in critical condition after being hit by a toilet water tank lid | (65) |
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US border agents finally have the power they need to confiscate those deadly threats to national security: penis pumps | (105) |
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"As she got older she got shorter and broader and was reduced to a giant gelatinous blob, carrying many thousands of eggs" | (110) |
| (WLBT) | |
Preacher sending "inappropriate" text messages to the wives of his congregation experiences the Passion of the Christ: Rubber Hose edition | (87) |
| (KOTV) | |
Before spending all night breaking into a store and unsuccessfully trying to bust open the safe, check to see if it's actually locked first | (24) |
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"I live in Georgia but I don't see Russia no where, but they say there's tanks. Should I be worried?" Concerned blogger, Georgia, US | (291) |
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The death of print: Five ways the newspapers botched the web | (105) |
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Do not throw apples at a buffalo. You will get gored. With video of authentic "Calaveras County Crackhead" gibberish | (113) |
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New Jersey pest management association officially calls the race for McCain | (35) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Way cool dad builds his kids a monster treehouse with electricity, cable TV and a bathroom. Just don't tell neighbours the burglar alarm sounds like an air raid siren | (95) |
| (ABA Journal) |  |
Lawyer feels "screwed" after paying $1.5M verdict for sleeping with former client's wife | (122) |
| (WUSA) | |
Good: Bus stop near your apartment. Bad: Bus stop in your apartment | (27) |
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"Despite the early hour, there is a good chance anyone in the area would have noticed a naked man in the streets" | (19) |
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Man who sent letter containing white powder to John McCain's Denver headquarters is behind bars; and was when he sent the letter | (78) |
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Guy that fed an ex-employee to a pride of lions gets out early because he might have beaten the man to death first. So that's okay then | (69) |
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American to get silver after Ukranian female athlete with Neanderthal-like brow ridge, Schwarzeneggeresque mandible tests positive for steroids | (205) |
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Give 'em a little power and they think they're Il Duce: Italian mayors get drunk on extra law-and-order powers, issue decrees preventing people from reading in the park, mowing their lawns, and building sandcastles | (62) |
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More airport efficiency: Security lanes now marked with black diamonds, blue squares, green circles... Oooooh me lucky charms | (65) |
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FINAL ANNOUNCEMENT: CT Fark Party. Saturday, August 23rd. 7pm. Sam the Clam's in Southington | (69) |
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Robber steals man's trousers to get into smart nightclub - "he rated his level of drunkenness as between six and eight out of ten" | (18) |
| (Some Champion) | |
Photoshop this winner | (45) |
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Spoiled milk, no refund for you, poured on the floor, shoved out the door, brick through the car, it's Taser Time | (90) |