If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
GoogleWeb Fark
Sun April 27, 2008
London Times Interesting "It’s a myth that the world’s oil is running out. Production of oil is being constrained by several forces, none of them due to God’s failure to put enough of the black gold under our feet." (7)
Baltimore Sun Sappy Ugly ass baby elephant makes debut at Maryland Zoo. The Sun is there. The Baltimore one (29)
BBC Amusing Today's "he had nothing else to do all night and licked it until he destroyed it" story is about a giraffe's tongue taking out a webcam set up to stream other giraffes (38)
Sun Sentinel Scary The East Coast-West Coast feud heats up as sharks attack surfers off the Florida coast (44)
Washington Post Unlikely Sure, Ronald Reagan helped, but the man who really destroyed communism was J.R. Ewing (157)
AP Scary Hungry San Diego shark sets California wildfire to force more tasty humans into the sea (72)
Google Survey TFer needs to make valedictorian speech in May, help him out by leaving one nugget of wisdom to pass onto class. Voting enabled, LGN (665)
AZCentral Cool Actor who parodied Arizona's Sheriff Joe Arpaio in political ads before getting arrested on trumped-up charges wins $125,000 settlement from Maricopa County (253)
(Mobile Press-Register) Amusing Nutty and probably drunk, Panhandle Floridians gather at a bar to fling mullet (the fish, not the hairstyle) across the border to Alabama (56)
ABC News Strange Eight-year old's "to do" list for today: play on the swings, color, do math homework, get a divorce, watch dora the explor.....wait.....WHAT? (140)
(weekly standard) Interesting How we'll know when we've won: A definition of success in Iraq (442)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop babysuit man (46)
LA Times Strange "Self-described activist who bikes through town wearing only pasties and a G-string has some fans" (w/ pic) (167)
AP Stupid Group wants to make eastern Oregon its own state. Utardaho? (152)
Komo Obvious Man armed with authentic-looking pistol charges police, becomes authentic-looking corpse (78)
Google Advice Submitter wants to try listening to some blues, but there's just so much. Recommendations? The more specific the better (383)
(Amazon) Amusing Sure it's expensive, but it *does* have a 4/5 rating (140)
(OhGizmo!) Interesting Man gets incredible Spiderman tattoo, is in for one heck of a hangover (132)
WFTV Asinine Royal Caribbean kicks family off the ship and leaves them stranded in Nassau with no passports and in their pajamas because their baby was sick (169)
Bangor Daily News Dumbass Dunkin' Donuts makes new empoyees sign an agreement saying that they can fire the employee for any reason -- even though they can't (129)
(dailyindia.com) Interesting Japanese whisky has been voted the best in the world. Angry Scots reach for the blue paint and get their headbutting faces on (210)
LA Times Strange While attending 2008 Summer Olympics, don't forget to stop in at Beijing's exclusive, gourmet penis restaurant (67)
MSNBC Strange Mentally disabled guy sues for pain and humiliation after cops put lampshade on his head and make him think it's a lie detector test (147)
UPI Weird Woman who had phone sex with a man claims he raped her....over the phone. Man says that is impossible, he doesn't even work for Verizon (159)
News.com.au Stupid Excuse me, sir, weren't you the guy we just ticketed for drunk driving a couple minutes ago? Just over there? (37)
Washington Post Followup Helicopters search for great white shark that killed triathelete. Have managed to narrow likely habitat down to "the ocean" (158)
Seattle Times Asinine School issued old-fashioned calculator that lacked standard function for assessment test. Hopefully they get to the of the problem (183)
(Some Guy) Scary Chanel's top fashion designer wants Kurt Cobain's daughter to be the face of the new Chanel campaign. This news probably would have blown Kurt's mind (169)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this whacking gizmo (36)
Newsday Interesting Smelly check causes bank evacuation and hazmat response (40)
Guardian.com Scary Britons suffering skin cancer epidemic. The sun is there (87)
Telegraph Interesting More and more women are hosting and attending Taser parties. The news comes as a shock to Tupperware (69)
MSNBC Scary Justice department to Congress: The CIA is above the law (452)
ABC News Scary Perhaps the overcrowding is not the prison's biggest problem. It may be that inmates have access to guns, machetes, and knives (28)
Sun Sentinel Dumbass Friendly tip: Wait until AFTER you land before smoking some of the 440 pounds of hash you're smuggling (49)
(Daily Reflector) Obvious North Carolina recalls license plates beginning with XXX (95)
Chicago Tribune Asinine Marine can't attend girlfriend's school dance because "21 is the legal age for alcohol consumption." Support the troops, but not on prom night (196)
BBC Dumbass England imports rabid dogs from Sri Lanka, with predictable results (43)
UPI Silly Photos show lighter side of WWII; "With the exception of the Germans in uniform, you can hardly see any difference from daily life now." France surrenders (99)
(PhillyBurbs) Asinine Property values down? Don't worry, towns are now being ordered to raise taxes (56)
(Some Guy) Sad Three quarters of Swedish high school students don't know which country Teheran is in. Ayatollah you once, ayatollah you a hundred times (135)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tricorned seafarer (36)
My Fox Orlando Hero Following the school district's implementation of a uniform policy, parents complained that they can't afford uniforms, principal fights back sending an email saying that they should think about their child's education (627)

Sat April 26, 2008
MSNBC Obvious Poll finds that 65% of women have eating disorders, with the dominant problem being "stuff fattening food in your piehole until your ass is as big as a '73 Winnebago." Well, that's the medical definition, anyway (211)
The Virginian Pilot Asinine Norfolk, VA considers lowering academic requirement for freshman athletes because that 2.0 average is proving to be a high hurdle to clear (105)
CBS Sacramento Hero California college students protest proposed beer tax: "No taxation on intoxication" (70)
AP Asinine Rapidly dying hepatitis C patient denied transplant because he had previously smoked marijuana... that the hospital legally gave him for medicinal purposes (134)
Yahoo Dumbass Dear Abby, I have a really hilarious idea for a YouTube video (Yahoo deleted it, but contents pasted in the first post. LGT thread) (289)
AP Followup Paddleboarders return to water day after fatal great white shark attack. "We want all the tourists to know the water is safe in Solana Beach," says Mayor Larry Vaughan (75)
Google Cool Vice Presid..er.... New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson to go to Venezuela to help get hostages freed (67)
BBC Interesting In all the mattress factories, in all the towns, in all the world, she sets fire to mine (18)
STLToday Dumbass Substitute teaching? check. Bragging to the class that you have warrants? check. Getting arrested in front of the class? Oh, that's a big ol' check (28)
Chicago Tribune Scary They pull a knife, you pull a gun. They pull a gun, you pull a BIGGER gun. That’s the Chicago way. Chicago cops being issued M4 assault rifles to even the odds against cougars, unarmed civilians (226)
London Times Obvious "If it floats, flies or fornicates, you are better off buying; but if it barks, reach for the rental agreement" (45)
(Some Guy) Followup Female high school teacher pleads guilty after she and her twin sister cover up affair with 16-year old female student (with pics) (133)
USA Today Florida Muggers sick of getting their asses handed to them by retirees give up on the elderly, mug a 6-year old instead (with dazzling mugshot) (38)
USA Today Weird Bitter 10-month-old clings to guns in Illinois after being issued a gun permit. "There is nothing in the FOID Act or any of the rules that says anything about age restrictions" (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this happy lifter (38)
LA Times Scary Old and busted: Using DNA database to identify criminals. New hotness: Using DNA database to identify relatives of criminals (87)
Virginia Gazette Strange “I opened it, put it in the player and went into the kitchen. I heard my son scream, and when I went to check on him, instead of Batman the screen had three men on it, one of whom had no pants on.” (149)
SFGate Silly Demonstrating their keen understanding of economics, SF faithful gather at Chevron station to pray for lower gas prices (113)
CBS Miami Florida Man trimming trees in his backyard discovers skeleton hanging from branches (69)
Boston Herald Unlikely The Massachusetts Turnpike is not running a speed trap. The extra police patrols, speeding tickets, and the line item in the budget requiring increased ticket revenue are just a coincidence (102)
Telegraph Interesting Motorists in the UK over the age of 75 face compulsory tests of their eyesight and ability to drive, help them stay off your lawn (66)
London Times Silly More words that don't belong together: itchy hemp lingerie (45)
Fox News Interesting Atheist soldier is sent home from Iraq early because of threats to his life.....from other U.S. soldiers (1005)
AP Interesting Think your job sucks? Try manually scanning every page of every book ever written. "It is monotonous." says one worker, in the understatement of the millenium (109)
Victorville Daily Press Sad Firefighters unable to save house because copper fittings worth mere $8 had been stolen from all five fire hydrants on block (96)
BBC Dumbass Armed police called to a man wearing a mask and with a running chainsaw walking the streets. Turns out he was going to a fancy dress party. Now attending with brown trousers presumably (39)
AP Florida Seven-year old boy steals SUV, takes goes on an eight minute joyride leaving smashed cars, mailboxes, signs in his wake. That's some good parenting right there (75)
(Florida Today) Followup Swinger's club shut down; not because it's a swinger's club, but because it's a commercial establishment in a residential area (97)
(The Progressive) Asinine The Pledge Of Allegiance recited in Spanish one school day results in physical threats, harassment, and demands for the teacher, the principal, and the superintendent to be fired. Stay classy, Wisconsin (623)
SeattlePI Dumbass Seattle police have arrested two men and a boy suspected in a string of BB shootings that left a man injured and a duck dead. Police describe the attacks as ditttthhhhpiccable (55)
London Times Amusing WWII bomb washes up on a beach. Navy takes it out to sea to detonate it, promptly loses it. D'oh (32)
The Sun Unlikely Russian woman claims to have photographed a UFO in England. The Sun is there with grainy photo of . . . a flying mushroom? (78)
Seattle Times Asinine Residents in Seattle's affluent Magnolia neighborhood are fuming over plans to house homeless people there. Bonus: the closest grocery sells pheasant-and-rosemary pâté for $9.99 and ground coffee for up to $18 a pound (226)
Slashdot Photoshop Photoshop theme: Unreleased Atari 2600 games (114)
BBC Dumbass Not News: A City banker gives up a high paying job to become a carpenter. Fark: Finds out he is allergic to wood (52)
(Some Guy) Strange Crazed Chinese chef challenges boss who just fired him to a duel - with cleavers. Christopher Moltisanti options the film rights (23)
apan Today Obvious Japanese government, unfamiliar with Project Mayhem, orders Ikea to improve its product manuals after man nearly blinded himself while assembling chest of drawers (49)
(KMPH.com) Amusing And so it begins: cat scratches driver's face, causes car wreck. Happy Caturday (510)
News.com.au Spiffy Journalist: gets farked by boss for $30/hour, will work until age 65. Prostitute: gets farked by regular clients for $500/hour, retired by age 29, rich and writing a how-to guide for prostitution (108)
(The Desert Sun) Unlikely Not news: Police install "amnesty cans" outside Coachella Music Festival to give concert-goers one last chance to ditch pot, pills and other drugs, penalty-free. Fark: It works (74)
CBC Ironic Even God hates "Christian Rock" (364)
Telegraph Sad Cheerleaders may be banned from cricket matches in India. "These are things meant for foreigners and not us. Mothers and daughters watch these matches on television and it does not look nice." (118)
CBC PSA Attention Toronto residents: TTC now means "take the car" (132)
AP Spiffy Obama wins by 10 points in Indiana (208)
Reuters Interesting More than half of Londoners have found love in the underground railway system. It probably helps that it's dark (46)
(Some Guy) Interesting Not news: man in jail. News: man breaks out of jail. Fark: For four minutes (20)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Abstract (165)
SFGate Dumbass On this very special episode of Dumbass the Movie, Cindy Sheehan files to take on Pelosi and move to Washington DC. (Bonus: already endorsed by Ted McGinley) (244)
(NWA Morning News) Dumbass Most people would be happy to have their weight go from 413 to 308 in 8 months. But when it happens in jail you can sue the sheriff and claim starvation (132)
Telegraph Unlikely To combat binge-drinking, one city plans to introduce "pub angels" who will go from bar to bar making sure bartenders don't overserve and patrons don't overdrink (85)

Fri April 25, 2008
Sun Sentinel Florida Elderly driver, unable to see over the steering wheel, with his blinker on for the last 20 miles, going 35 mph in the left hand lane, makes it past security and onto the tarmac at major airport (94)
Newsday Stupid Old and busted: Being famous and hounded by paparazzi. New hotness: Being a nobody and paying for the privilege (79)
Wall Street Journal Stupid A $300k watch that can't tell time. Quote from salesman "anyone can buy a watch that tells time — only a truly discerning customer can buy one that doesn’t." Bonus: Sold out in 48 hours (234)
(Some Guy) Florida Police find drunk driver lying in front seat of car with his pants unbuckled, surrounded by Natural Light beer cans. Also, he was parked in the middle of a creek (49)
Victorville Daily Press Cool Historic gas station on Route 66 re-opens just in time to charge historic gas prices (35)
(Some Gator) Amusing Georgia state senator: "A Gator tag will cause accidents. It will lower our quality of life. In fact, my children used to have nightmares because we lived dangerously close to the state of Florida." (81)
(News8Austin) Interesting Central Texas church strikes deal with gas station to sell gas for $2.49 a gallon this Sunday, in what is no way a trick to get you stuck in line with no choice but to be preached to while you wait (133)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Another week behind us means another round of mugshot goodness (251)
CBS Salt Lake City Asinine Professional panhandler pockets $50 per hour, gets busted by TV reporter (255)
CNN Interesting A student surely was no quitter / He escaped from jail using Twitter / With one word he was free / There was no time to type three / For he was about to get pounded up the... well, he's free now (73)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sunset reflection (70)
(quint) Sad Man training for "shark race" stage of triathlon loses (136)
Washington Post Asinine Murderers are being acquitted now based on new evidence showing they were just born that way (87)
Reuters Interesting David Rockefeller donated $100 million to Harvard. Just in time too, as they were down to their last $34.9 billion (99)
(Durant Democrat) Dumbass Bush Administration finds way to cut cost of war in Iraq: they've quit feeding some soldiers lunch (365)
WFTV Dumbass 2000 plant marijuana grow operation worth two million dollars uncovered after owner is caught climbing a utility pole and stealing electricity. Dude, you're doing it bong (107)
Baltimore Sun Strange As if Baltimore wasn't rough enough, there's a new danger to add to drugs and drive-bys: Aging pear trees (52)
Fox News Weird Swirling "tornado" of bees menaces diners at a Mexican restaurant. ¡Ay, ay, ay, no es bueno! (100)
(NWF Daily News) Florida Actual made for Fark headline: "Man denies huffing, caught with gold paint on face" (163)
WSAZ Dumbass Man uses a West Virginia taser, a.k.a. a cinderblock, to break up fight between brothers (48)
Metro Ironic Red Bull to discontinue current ad campaign after a supermarket worker drank four cans and got his wings (433)
Canada.com Asinine Montreal student fined $628 for sitting on a ledge in a public park. The fact that he was taking pictures of cops hassling someone else immediately prior had absolutely nothing to do with it (253)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man tries to get a deal on an LCD television by switching the price tag with one on a $3.16 bottle of water with the expectation that nobody would notice (216)
(wtkr.com) PSA If you are shoplifting, get busted and decide to run away, at the very least take the two-year old with you (38)
(Some Good Swimmer) Asinine After the devastating floods of Hurricane Katrina, the US Corps of Engineers is doing everything possible to ensure the levees around New Orleans don't fail again. Just kidding, they stuffed gaps in the floodwalls with newspaper (180)
MSNBC Followup Bush stimulus comes early, doesn't even spoon before leaving (451)
Chicago Sun-Times Dumbass Teacher busted for smoking pot on the job. School officials became suspicious when snack time lasted four hours (96)
Wall Street Journal Scary US: Iranian arms found in Iraq -- no word yet on legs (244)
The Raw Story Asinine Neocon war architect who was in charge of Pentagon intelligence group designed to procure only pro-invasion intelligence blames Colin Powell for Iraq clusterfark (164)
CNN Amusing "Like most stories that end up with a man mowing his friend's lawn in a dress, it started out innocently enough" (47)
Cleveland Sick "Ok, Rover, HEEL. Good dog, good dog. Now FOOT. Good dog" (48)
Fox News Amusing Former prostitute publishes internet escort's handbook for aspiring call girls. Velvet Jones files copyright infringement lawsuit (132)
Canoe Cool Paraplegic golfer gets hole-in-one. Some guys have all the luck (72)
Wired Cool Finally, a website for something that matters: finding a good beer in NYC (145)
Chicago Sun-Times Followup "Brazil gives up on priest carried off by balloons" (157)
FARK Cool Boston Fark Party TONIGHT 7:00 p.m. Kenmore Sq. Drew will be there. DIT (233)
(Some Guy) Obvious Pet waste, toilet seats, doll heads, 8-track tapes, police caution tape: Crack house or Jersey Shore? Obvious tag should tip you off (51)
My Fox Dallas Dumbass You see a serviceman in uniform writhing on the sidewalk, having a seizure. Do you a) try to comfort him and keep him still until it passes, b) alert passersby and call 911 for help, or c) take off with his wallet? (208)
Stuff Amusing "wots happng, r u redy 2 go?" "yep cum now we r redy 2 go." "ha ha dumba55" (68)
TampaBays10.com Florida In heist of the year, robber makes off with empty wallet and heart medication (9)
My Fox DC Strange What better way to prove you once had consensual sex with your ex-wife than by showing a homemade video to her new husband (202)
Reuters News US ship fires on Iranian boat in the Persian Gulf of Tonkin (543)
(Some Guy) Amusing Before starting an organization to help bring people together, make sure that you double-check the meaning of the acronym. This is especially true if the name of the organization is Uniting Friends In America (68)
(Some Dog) Amusing I am the Lord your Dog, thou shalt have no other dogs before me. Thou shalt honor thy stud and thy biatch and thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's steak nor his chew-toys (63)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Kid charged with reckless driving on high school campus. In his motorized wheelchair (89)
Boston Globe Ironic Man who lost his license for driving drunk is killed by drunk driver while bicycling (213)
(Some Guy) News NYPD detectives acquitted in Sean Bell shooting. This will end well (1225)
(Slippery Slag) Photoshop Photoshop this slag glass (64)
USA Today Obvious The fledgling Iraqi forces have skipped 'standing up' and moved straight on to 'running away' (157)
Daily Mail Weird Mutant dog-eating squirrels invade English county. Naturally, the Daily Mail is there to denounce this latest wave of immigration (79)
YouTube Sad Happy ANZAC day to all you Aussie and Kiwi Farkers. Remember them all with pride (177)
News.com.au Silly Guy in town to donate part of his liver to Mum gets busted for not paying for a pizza in 1992 (38)
AP Dumbass There are lots of things you can do while holding a hostage at gunpoint during a carjacking, but asking a television news crew for directions shouldn't be one of them (16)
(Some Cheapskate) Stupid One sure sign you're doing it wrong: Robbing a dollar store (65)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this screwed guy (164)
Dayton Daily News Amusing When signing up women for new cell phone service, don't forget to add value to the deal by sending nude pics of yourself to their new phones (80)
BBC Interesting Human line split 100,000 years ago into red tribes and blue tribes (471)
SMH Spiffy Pass me another beer, honey, the bath is getting low (33)
(kwtv) Stupid You know the Oklahoma City lose weight initiative isn't going well when the mayor partners with Taco Bell (34)
NBC 11 Sappy Old but cute-ass BALD penguin gets special wet suit that helps his hair grow back (with slideshow) (57)
(adn.com) Dumbass If you are going to make concrete barricades for a senior prank, it helps to know how to actually make concrete; also helps to know it may be a felony (105)
AZCentral Hero Firefighters rescue two canines from burning house. Your doggggggggg... will aaaaalwwwayyyys...love YOUUUUUU (42)
MDN PSA If you are going to grab a woman's ass in the airport, first make sure she's not a lawyer who is also the daughter of the governor (67)
(Some Nerd) Photoshop Photoshop this Bendix G-15 (73)
Daily Mail Asinine Drug dealers are breaking into a prison to sell their goods to inmates who get breakfast in bed, satellite TV, and free phone calls (47)
(Some Guy) Florida Drunk woman almost successfully leaps backyard pool in her SUV (w/ pic). "I said, 'ma'am, you can’t leave, your truck is in my pool. She said, 'I can get it out'" (93)
Telegraph Sad To be or not to be, innit: Shakespeare gets a chav makeover. Shakespeare rotating in his grave muttering, oh woe is me, innit (107)
BBC Stupid Latest trend in funerals: Covering coffins in tacky stickers. w/pics (147)
(Stabby McStabberson) Scary Having a beer with girlfriends: $20. Take-out for a night of TV: $30. Watching "America's Next Top Model" with friends: Stabbin' (80)
(Some Guy) Florida "The law says a closed bathroom stall is a place set aside for disrobing and masturbation" and other jewels in Florida's latest sex sting (92)
Houston Chronicle Sick Mother convicted for child abuse after she took her three children to at least 500 unnecessary appointments with doctors during a 10-year period, including major surgeries (139)

Thu April 24, 2008