If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Sun April 20, 2008
| (Vermont Sunday Magazine) |  |
Atheist church? It's more likely than you think | (55) |
 |
 |
The Christian Science Monitor suggests ten things you can do if your flight is canceled | (80) |
 |
 |
If you're planning on blowing up your high school it isn't the most cunning plan to have 10 pounds of ammonium nitrate Fed Ex'd to your house | (144) |
 |
 |
31 people shot this weekend in Bagh,... wait, Chicago? | (266) |
 |
 |
Not News: road-raging man waves gun at another driver. Fark: accidentally shoots himself | (40) |
| (Triple kickflip varial) |  |
British author and comedian Tony Hawks receives a lot of email intended for the skateboarder, douchebaggery ensues | (83) |
 |
 |
Eco-friendly funeral proponents claim they're mulch better for environment, keep water tables formaldehyde-free, produce great worms for fish bait | (51) |
 |
 |
U.S. deserters seek Canadian residency, future Presidency | (199) |
 |
|
Chelsea Clinton mobbed for pictures during gay pub crawl in Philly, one girl brags "I grabbed her ass" | (105) |
 |
|
Man tries to steal statue of Yellow Peanut M&M. Reportedly was going to hold it for ransom until the Noid and King Vitamin are released from detention | (31) |
 |
|
Kids as young as 5 are fighting each other in kickboxing clubs. £10 on the littlest one, 3 to 1 odds | (58) |
 |
 |
Photoshop a logo for the "new" Northwest/Delta Airlines | (39) |
 |
 |
Man jumps with a bungee cord he made out of condoms. "It was difficult as the condoms are slippery." | (37) |
 |
|
Fenster found | (75) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
School district thinks it's a good idea to randomly test teen cheerleaders, debate members, and kids on the speech team for drugs. "We want to give these kids another opportunity to 'just say no'" | (364) |
| (Some Guy) | |
More and more women are taking vacations and leaving their men behind to enjoy watching sports and drinking beer in their underwear all by their lonesome selves | (143) |
|
|
Female journalist explores why men don't do household chores: "In my experience, husbands are a lot like children." | (587) |
 |
|
Guy spends five years building yacht in backyard, knowing that there's no way to get it out. All hail the failboat | (166) |
| (Some Q) |  |
London museum opens display of James Bond & Ian Fleming memorabilia, including such deadly weapons as Rosa Klebb's shoe, Fleming's .357 revolver and Halle Berry's bikini | (65) |
| (CVG) | |
Inmate who tried to sue Michael Vick for "$63,000,000,000 billion dollars" has a new target. Grand Theft Auto IV | (137) |
 |
|
Police officer fails to master the basic skill of not falling asleep on duty. Also needs a little work on the "don't get high and break into cars" aspect of his job | (16) |
| (Beertown) | |
2008 World Beer Cup results. Old Milwaukee Light for the win | (178) |
| (Some Cuckoo) | |
Photoshop these dangly things | (34) |
 |
 |
Former UK deputy PM admits bulimia problem. With picture proving that he's doing it wrong | (67) |
 |
|
Prince William in trouble for performing cunning stunt for his stunning… girlfriend | (148) |
 |
 |
Porn pastor brings Jesus to Exxxotica | (100) |
| (KMXB CBS-12) | |
Car engine's air intake not the best place to put bag of pot | (66) |
 |
 |
If you could go back to being 20, what characteristic or belief would you instill in yourself to make your life better? | (678) |
 |
|
Nanny State cracks down on yet another dangerous enemy of the people: bagpipers | (100) |
| (Hawaii Volcano Observatory) |  |
Caption this Hawaiian Geologic Advancement Enforcement Officer | (73) |
|
 |
Ecuadorian nightclub takes page out of Great White playbook: indoor fireworks, padlocked doors, and numerous deaths due to fire and smoke inhalation | (33) |
 |
|
Not news: Criminal has 7-year history of assault and robbery. News: He escaped from custody 10 times in the last year. Fark: Dude, he's 12 | (75) |
| (Bangkok) | |
140 funeral guests rushed to hospital after eating puffer fish balls | (76) |
| (Send more cops) | |
Zombie wanted in crocodile brain theft | (20) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Richard Branson is going to marry a couple in outer space. Maybe men really are from Mars | (37) |
| (Federal Way Mirror) |  |
Actual headline: "Two women report ghost has been having sex with them" | (110) |
| (Some Ophioscorodon Guy) | |
Photoshop these garlic cloves | (36) |
 |
|
The drunk asleep in the men's room / Taxman, Mr. Yada / Punching the guy who wakes him up / Taxman, you're on Fark | (10) |
 |
|
"What are you in for?" "Murder." "What are you in for?" "Rape." "What are you in for?" "I tried to stop my bank from repossessing my home." | (101) |
|
|
Sydney morgue forced to buy forklift to deal with McDonalds generation | (62) |
|
|
Deep thinkers see how things will be in 2058. Oddly, flying car not on list | (145) |
| (The Whig) | |
When police ask how much he's had to drink, trucker responds "a shiatload." | (37) |
 |
 |
Danica does it, is first female to win in Indy car competition | (354) |
Sat April 19, 2008
 |
|
Slate plays "six degrees of Adolf Hitler" with the presidential candidates. Godwinner, at two degrees: Hitlary | (220) |
 |
|
Badly botched bee burglary bungled by bellicose bees bludgeoning would-bee bandit | (46) |
| (Science Daily) | |
Interpreters for the Deaf at higher risk of injury than assembly line workers. GARRETT MORRIS UNAVAILABLE FOR COMMENT | (86) |
| (The Orange County Register) | |
Man who breaks into adult store can't open cash register, settles for $250 rubberized replica of Jenna Jameson's lower half | (73) |
 |
|
BJ's Sausage explodes all over the face of small Saskatchewan town | (64) |
|
|
Chicago area funeral homes refuse to bury teenage boy for fear of gang retaliation | (64) |
|
|
Statistics show some truthiness to the Colbert Bump | (64) |
|
|
Man spends 50 years in jail for killing his father, only to discover after release that his father is still alive | (82) |
| (Some Stoner) | |
"Dumb Doper Award" given to guy who brought two bags of weed to his parole meeting | (92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this free-falling lovely | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
In an effort to avoid foreclosure, couple decides to raffle off home for $100 a ticket. State claims that this is a violation of the "Bank Bingo and Mortgage Pinball Act of 1829" | (49) |
|
|
Not news: $260,000 Aston Martin demolished during James Bond shooting. Fark: By a technician who ran it off the road into a lake while driving to the set | (82) |
 |
|
8th grader charged with felony after putting crumbled peanut butter cookies in another kid's lunchbox | (338) |
 |
|
City of Needles, California to the rest of country: We're tired of all the Peanuts jokes, we're moving to Nevada | (88) |
|
|
Apparently, the death penalty in Great Britian is DIY. With "WTF is that thing on his head?" pic | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
RI hospital sued over advertising campaign. Fark: from 1912 | (66) |
|
|
Most seductive woman ever has Halle Berry’s eyes, Jennifer Lopez’s nose, Kelly Brook’s hair and body, Angelina Jolie’s pout and wears Marilyn Monroe’s white dress. Or any live woman after two bottles of scotch | (593) |
 |
|
Cop who lead investigation and is scheduled to testify against Pirate Bay turns out to have taken a job with Warner Brothers in the meantime | (70) |
|
|
Global warming helps Scottish ski resorts to best season in a generation. In related news, there are apparently Scottish ski resorts | (158) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this beautiful bacteria | (50) |
|
|
Research debunks the "grumpy old person" stereotype, shows that as we age we get happier. Maybe because those damn kids finally are staying of our damn lawns | (88) |
|
|
Female army MP has sex with her boyfriend in barracks bar. Surprisingly, someone had a problem with this. The Sun is there... and how | (123) |
 |
|
Fark: Hoax runner fools Australian crowds with a homemade Olympic torch topped by flaming underpants. Not News: In 1956 | (24) |
| (Duluth News Tribune) | |
“I’m too ornery to die” says 83 year old fisherman after surviving 35 minutes in icy river. But he has also survived two triple-bypass heart surgeries and six heart attacks. Fark: heart attack #6 was while he was in the river | (54) |
|
|
Children are more than twice as likely to be injured falling out of bed as they are tumbling out of a tree because they can't get their fat little carcasses away from the Xbox | (65) |
 |
|
Chicago Police tout that shootings are down in 2008, just before about 20 people are shot in a 12-hour period across city. Awkward | (129) |
|
|
More middle aged men are quitting their jobs and becoming priests | (75) |
 |
|
Companies cash in by "greenwashing" consumers with products labeled with vague pro-environmental buzzwords | (154) |
| (Weekly Standard) | |
"The effect is of being strapped to an armchair and dropped backwards off a balcony onto a patio." | (48) |
|
|
Um... if a space capsule landed in your yard, the Russian Space Agency would really like it back | (50) |
| (SunJournal.com) |  |
Six months ago a Maine school decided to give birth control to any student that asked, even as young as 11. So far, one student has asked | (79) |
|
|
Hypnotherapist had an 83-minute operation on his arm with no anaesthetic | (70) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man's pants set on fire by Taser, Foobies links | (25) |
 |
|
When asked if Obama's dirt-off-your-shoulder move was directly referencing Jay-Z, Obama spokesperson says, "Well, Barack does have Jay-Z on his iPod" | (918) |
|
|
Accountant who stole £70,000 has been ordered by a judge to repay the money by selling his huge stamp collection on eBay. A+++++ would let swindle again | (22) |
 |
|
Seaman spurts from train platform to rescue man in throes of seizure, within seconds of coming train. Penis | (45) |
 |
|
Today's cats are coming with fancy new options, such as fire-retardant and stain-proof coats. Insta-captioning ability won't be available until Caturday 2009 | (445) |
|
|
Having solved all other problems, a train company has announced it will ban passengers for life who repeatedly put their feet on the seats | (28) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You might not be ready for your fourth marriage if your ex-husbands include a man who eloped with your own mom, a bigamist and a pal who stood in for your fiance when he jilted you the night before the wedding. And you're only 24 | (103) |
|
|
Man hassled by authorities for not having a "camera license". Was it in (a) 1968 Soviet Union, (b) 1988 North Korea, or (c) 2008 Great Britain? | (99) |
| (Portland Mercury) | |
College: $40,000. Passing the bar: $30,000. Knowing the specific statute that gives you authority to issue a police officer a parking ticket: priceless | (259) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this blissful bore | (48) |
 |
|
President Bush to appear on "Deal or No Deal". Contestants refuse to choose the briefcase he's holding | (111) |
|
|
Last week, the island of Sark, the last feudal state in Europe, approved law reforms leading to universal suffrage. It's not news, it's Sark.com | (86) |
| (Cambridge Chronicle) | |
Someone's stealing every brass fountain from the city of Cambridge. Presumably, to melt them down into even bigger balls | (18) |
|
|
A wonderful bird is the pelican, a bird strike just brought on pure mayhem. Now I know just how the helican | (36) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bad News: wife sues you for child support. Worse News: She wins. Fark: for a baby that never existed | (121) |
|
|
More than 50 girls succumb to hysteria. Pyromania not as popular | (129) |
Fri April 18, 2008
 |
|
Motorcyclist achieves record speed of "absolute insanity" according to Oregon State Police; Cool, Scary, or Dumbass? | (210) |
 |
|
Kennedy Space Center worker finds Bahamian girl's message in a bottle. Lucky girl and her school are getting a package of space memorabilia in return | (50) |
 |
|
Giant-ass mystery rodent found on road near Milwaukie, Oregon - with giant-ass cuddly rodent picture | (95) |
 |
|
When a couple of people have just robbed you, calling the cops is generally the right thing to do. However, this does not apply if you were trying to sell them heroin beforehand | (17) |
 |
|
TSG's weekly mugshot roundup. #1 is hot. The rest, you'll have to see to believe | (212) |
|
|
Photoshop your favorite celebrity as a clown. LGT inspiration | (91) |
|
|
Alaska Governor Palin has a boy. That means "gave birth to". She's a governor, not a teacher | (66) |
| (Chattanoogan) | |
Judge Moon says neglectful parents may need to go to jail. M-O-O-N, that spells jail | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Florida woman learns not to take safety for granite | (78) |
|
 |
Lead? In my Astro-turf? It's more likely than you think | (47) |
 |
|
"NY police on Pope watch snatch river beaver" | (56) |
 |
|
Recipe: Bacon Chocolate-Chip Cookies With Maple-Cinnamon Glaze | (106) |
 |
|
Hundreds of bikini-clad women descend on South Beach to try and set a new world record (with pictures and video) | (107) |
|
|
Memphis Farkers, Shall we have a Fark Party Tonight? Say Hueys Midtown, sans 9 PM? | (71) |
| (Charleston.net) | |
At Camp Winnechasapasooki your kids will enjoy the following activities: baseball, canoeing, wacky choking game, tree climbing, carving | (57) |
| (Some Florida Farker) | |
Not news: Man no longer allowed to carry his firearm after his wife files domestic violence complaint. Straight to Fark: It's the Chief of Police | (61) |
 |
|
$10,000 for a child's birthday party? Back in submitter's day it was a carton of cigarettes and a "Hey, smoke up, Johnny" | (162) |
|
|
Content with Florida ranking 48th in edumacation, State legislature moves to cut teacher merit pay | (48) |
 |
|
If you paste a kid's picture onto a porn mag, you're still a pedophile | (305) |
| (Brooklyn Paper) | |
Adult film stars proclaim Brooklyn, NY as the country's porn capital based on subscriptions to porn websites. In other news, Brooklynites haven't figured out how to get teh boobies for free | (223) |
| (Commercial Appeal) | |
Joke-packed obituary about a woman referred to as "the whore of Babylon...{and later}...became the Blessed Madonna." | (54) |
|
|
Something really DOES smell rotten in Denmark | (62) |
 |
|
Chrysler recalls Sebrings, Avengers, times when their cars didn't suck | (310) |
|
|
Oldest woman in the world Edna Parker from Shelbyville, IL turns 115 today. Charles Montgomery Burns of Springfield calls shenanigans | (97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this $140,000 KEF speaker system | (68) |
| (KMBC) | |
Missouri shows it's grammatical prowess. By omitting a crucial hyphen from there new license plate's | (201) |
 |
|
Reporter shocked, SHOCKED, to learn that tobacco company is leading campaign to stop tax increases on cigarettes | (65) |
 |
|
Actual headline: Weight Watchers demonstrator accused of shoplifting cupcakes at Port St. Lucie Publix (mug included) | (129) |
|
|
Army of rats cause famine scare in Indian state. If only there was an abundance of a small meaty animals that could be roasted and then eaten | (150) |
| (Yale Daily News) | |
In an attempt to further extend her 15 minutes of fame, student now denies Yale's claim that her multiple-abortion "art project" was a hoax | (468) |
|
|
Some sports teams are named after animals. Others are named after themes of local interest. Then there's the Indian Premier Cricket League, where teams are named after brands of liquor, or talking cars | (57) |
 |
|
AT&T says the tubes of the intarwebs will be clogged with lolcats by 2010. EVERYBODY PANIC | (254) |
|
|
Pope criticizes US for undermining UN, is promptly labeled a fanatical religious leader and sent to Gitmo | (263) |
 |
|
Gary Busey evicted from his Malibu home. Landlord handed him the eviction notice and then ran far, far away, really fast | (144) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Robert E. Lee caught in Sears store peeping on patrons from his 'masturbatorium' | (275) |
|
|
Boston Globe searches for the answers as to why Kenyans have won the Boston Marathon each year since 1986 | (161) |
 |
|
Texas Rangers arrest Colorado woman with history of pretending to be a victimized girl in connection with phone call sparking polygamist sect raid that seized over 400 children. Oops, mulligan? | (362) |
 |
|
Confidential Freedom Tower plans found in garbage can by homeless man. Good job, guys | (220) |
|
 |
Apparently, words like "RickRoll" and "UGC" are all part of a language called Nerdic, which means that technically, we're all bilingual | (153) |
 |
|
As it turns out, the man who thought his dog was an impostor was right | (109) |
|
|
Florida reacts to threat of increased hurricane threats this year by cancelling its "hurricane supply tax free holiday". Subby torn between asinine, dumbass, and ironic tags. Uses the one that sums up them all | (75) |
|
|
ABC runs an in-depth article on "sneeze fetishists". It's not news, it's ABC | (155) |
|
|
Putin denies divorcing his wife in order to marry the hot, young, flexible gymnast. "I love my wife. That gymnast is not my type... her knees are too sharp." | (134) |
|
|
ACLU to Indiana, "you can't reference God on a license plate for free". Judge to ACLU, "Suck it" | (1252) |
 |
 |
Pope Benedict XVI arrives in New York City, asked to pay an $8 toll after stepping off the plane | (237) |
| (Greenfield Recorder) | |
Woman orders boyfriend to stop on Interstate and lasso an emu. "That bird kicked my ass" | (99) |
| (Some Exoplanet Tools) | |
Photoshop these people with this thing | (77) |
|
|
Blackjack is a mystery cat, he's called the hidden paw / for he's the master criminal who can defy the law / He lives on the Olympic site, the building teams despair / For when they reach the trap they've set, Blackjack is not there | (87) |
|
|
School in an English town that was the last to hang witches in 1593, decides "hey maybe we should do something about our witch logo" | (91) |
 |
|
Unarmed robbery victim charged with armed robbery after demanding his money back | (55) |
| (Dog Magazine) |  |
Impaled Scottish dog named Survivor of the Year. And for the last time, it's spelled "steak" | (29) |
|
|
Seattle mayor suggests secession from rest of the state, cites war of Eastern aggression | (389) |
 |
|
Mayor uses auto-dialer to inform constituents his cat is missing, ends up finding it in the wall of his house | (40) |
| (Nation News) | |
Church preaches love and tolerance, but at least a few people are coming to buy groceries at below-market prices | (51) |
| (Silicon Alley Insider) | |
The New York Times finally discovers how to sell media: sex, porn, viagra, divorce, YouTube, and SEO | (18) |
|
|
Staff caught beTwix rock and hard candy at Honda's UK factory Flake out after being banned from eating biscuit-based chocolates. Submitter Revels, Snickers at Nutrageous situation | (41) |
 |
|
Like 1985 season of "Dallas," chef's drunken murder of gay homeless man was all a dream, costing taxpayers £12,000 after 359 hours of investigation. "He accepts that he had been drinking significantly." | (21) |
|
|
Learner bus driver turned a double-decker into an open-top (w/pic). Bus-Hitting-Overpass trifecta in play | (39) |
|
|
You awaken after a night of heavy drinking to find your clothes missing and some old guy with his false teeth in his pocket and his head in your lap. You have a hammer. Option C ensues | (95) |
| (Coventry Telegraph) | |
Once you're convicted of driving 145mph on a two-lane road, don't ask the judge to delay jail time until after your upcoming Malaysian vacation | (25) |
|
|
"It's easy to screw a platypus". Translation: "Perhaps you should think about new counsel for your murder trial" | (37) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You've just gotten in a car crash while on your cell phone. Do you: a) exchange insurance info with the other driver b) call your lawyer c) inject heroin into your arm using a seat belt as a tourniquet? | (26) |
| (USGS) |  |
Magnitude 5.4 earthquake strikes 127 miles east of St. Louis, felt in several states | (763) |
|
|
Man gets so drunk with his co-worker he fails to notice the six-inch blade his friend stuck in his back. "We got drunk together. Things happen when you drink." | (22) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Beating a man to death over a bag of pistachios... that's just nuts | (41) |
|
|
More and more British are deciding the "fry up" breakfast -- consisting of eggs, bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, baked beans, tomatoes, and other assorted crap -- is not that smart after all | (244) |
| (L.A. Daily News) | |
End Times begin in Los Angeles; dogs and sheep living together, mass hysteria | (24) |
|
|
Yale student's claim she had multiple abortions for art project actually a hoax intended to be "performance art" | (246) |
 |
|
Canadian Supreme Court tosses the "two beer" defense on its ass. Chewbacca defense still OK | (36) |
|
|
America-hating terrorist Barack Hussein Obama caught flipping the bird. It's not news, it's the Los Angeles Times | (372) |
|
|
Bermuda residents haver their shorts in a knot over government proposal to scrap Queen of England's birthday as a national holiday (w/ pic of Queen vowing vengeance) | (58) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this caveman | (59) |
|
|
Perth Stock Exchange in Australia under seige by armed man | (145) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Newspaper wants to know what Vladimir Putin sees in a nubile 24-year-old rhythmic gymnast that he doesn't see in his wife | (145) |
 |
|
America's top most lustful cities. Let's hear it for the city where everyone is a member of the mile-high club | (132) |
Thu April 17, 2008
|