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Sun April 13, 2008
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Jesus Christ It's a lion in a sidecar | (18) |
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Ohio State Trooper in uniform puts on faux Klan headgear and lets another trooper take a picture. Guess what happens next | (37) |
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"Experts" say sending cell phone porn is now part of teen dating | (90) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Heinz is launching a "gourmet" version of its ketchup for your corn dogs and mac 'n cheese | (199) |
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Will that be paper or plastic? Plastic? That'll be $.25 a bag, please. No, it's not us, the government is making us do it | (246) |
| (Westword) |  |
Coors shortens brewery tour...they never showed you the peeing horses anyway | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Prepare to have your reality violated." There are storm chasers, and then there are "storm chasers" who appear to have hood-mounted mortar rockets installed on their monster truck | (76) |
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Intelligent alien life? In my galaxy? It's less likely than you think, says British scientist, going for the alien trifecta | (165) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this kayak | (47) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
WTF? No, really, WTF? | (180) |
| (Fort Mill Times) |  |
American brewers attempting to create beers with 10% alcohol by volume, called "extreme" in St. Louis and "Belgian" everywhere else | (330) |
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The call from a desperate 16-year-old girl that led to the raid on the Texas polygamists' compound... may have been a hoax. Or, at least that's what defense attorneys are saying | (256) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
If you want to own your very own 74-million-year-old baby dinosaur and help out a struggling tribe at the same time, this could be your lucky day | (36) |
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Landlord refuses to let man out of lease for apartment where his fiancee was murdered. After all, it will be tough to find another tenant. HWF, W/D, you can barely notice all the blood | (100) |
| (american chronicle) |  |
"Are we covertly being colonized by aliens?" | (273) |
| (nwa news) | |
Don Ray Walton, from the Orion star system, says that within the next four years, humans will be offered salvation from representatives of 143,999 alien races | (157) |
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New Smart Car design unveiled for the American market. Honk your horn, and flip the bird to the 17 foot Smaaart | (186) |
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Not news: Man proposes in interesting way. News: Proposes using crossword puzzle. Fark: Crossword puzzle editor has girlfriend? | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Army sets up "Virtual Army Experience" battle simulation video game featuring six full size humvees at Six Flags in an attempt to recruit new players for IraqBox Live | (162) |
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American Airlines returns all MD-80's to service. Nothing to worry about. Everything is just fine. You can trust them. When would an airline *ever* skimp on safety? | (68) |
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FDA issues salmonella warning to the three people in the U.S. who still eat Malt O Meal | (82) |
| (J.D. Talley) | |
Apparently getting a couple of friends together and dancing quietly to your iPod at midnight at the Jefferson Memorial gets you a face plant in the concrete then a trip to detention courtesy of the US Park Police | (507) |
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Berwyn's Spindle, a shish kabob of cars made famous by 'Wayne's World' is up for sale on eBay to make room for a new Walgreens | (62) |
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US Government plans to crack down hard on eBay, Craiglist, and Army-Navy stores everywhere | (88) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Seven states introduce legislation to lower drinking age to 18. What could possibly go wrong? | (253) |
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Jerry Zucker is dead. Surely you can't be serious | (172) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Guess the cereal from the haiku | (89) |
| (Some Monk) | |
Photoshop this medieval manuscript. Difficulty: No FSM | (45) |
| (Some Fairy) |  |
Caption this pleasant conversation | (59) |
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The millipedes are coming. EVERYBODY PANIC | (88) |
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Study of nursery food reveals that too much fruit and veg will stunt growth. Your kid wants steak | (137) |
| (Marin IJ) | |
Not news: man consumes a variety of drugs. News: begins ramming other vehicles in his car. Fark: claims it was an "experiment" for Area 51 and the cure for AIDS | (44) |
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CBS golf analyst Bobby Clampett learns that when referring to golfers, "Chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please | (306) |
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Utah farmer to buy fresh underwear after his tractor flips, hangs off side of a bridge | (33) |
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Coolest pic of a German mine from World War II being blown up on a tourist beach you'll see in the next 26 minutes | (61) |
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In refreshing change of pace, fashion magazines are Photoshopping images of skinny models to make them look fatter than they really are (pics) | (201) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If your wife can't provide you a child, you can always swap her for a goat | (28) |
| (Columbian) | |
Bad: You fall and break your leg. Worse: It's a 100-foot fall. Fark: Into a volcano. Happy ending, though | (41) |
| (My Fox Philadelphia) | |
Your 64-year-old female roommate washing glasses improperly? That's a stabbin' | (29) |
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Photoshop this high dive | (41) |
| (WOWT) | |
Robbery attempt snuffed out by two cans of chewing tobacco | (20) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You never want to accept a package of marijuana that's hand-delivered by the police (w/ "Buttsecks?" mugshot) | (65) |
| (Seacost Online) |  |
In Maine, it is now a Class C felony to view children in a public place | (303) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Doctor" Phil pays bail for the ringleader of the 8 Florida teens arrested for beating another teenager and videotaping it | (320) |
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Nothing you didn't already expect, but writer for Lonely Planet series of guidebooks admits he just pulled stuff out of his ass without ever visiting the places he was supposed to be writing about | (82) |
Sat April 12, 2008
| (San Bernardino Sun) | |
Policewoman on administrative leave pending IA investigation files sexual harassment suit, alleging training course demanded she wear make-up & jewelry. Don't they know you can't put lipstick on a pig? | (69) |
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10 years after Britain officially abolished the death penalty for piracy, the Royal Navy are no longer allowed to capture pirates for fear they will claim asylum in England | (85) |
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Cofounder of Greenpeace says they're wrong to oppose nuclear energy | (307) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Plane hits house in Compton, CA. American Airlines shrugs, says "you know it wasn't us" | (60) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Gargoyles in your neighborhood? That's a lawsuit | (68) |
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Someday, girl will realize calling 911 to save mom's life deserved better reward than chocolate-strawberry lip gloss. But as a 4-year-old, she's cool with it... for now | (78) |
| (Chronicle Telegram) |  |
Burglar takes nothing, but sorts family's mail and leaves a surprise in mom's longaberger basket | (113) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this beauteous candy tray | (62) |
| (Drinking Farkette) |  |
Dallas / Fort Worth Fark gathering surrounding cheap beer - actually *IN* Dallas. Wed, Apr 16, 6:00 PM. Submitter had you at "cheap beer," didn't she? (LGT location) | (70) |
| (WHO 13 News) | |
University of Iowa seeks pot smokers for study, will pay participants up to $600 | (138) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Toronto police chief calls for DNA samples to be forcibly taken from anyone charged with a crime, not convicted of one | (149) |
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Drunkards of Gwinnett County: A police blotter in three acts | (74) |
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Researchers shocked, shocked I tell you, to discover that people on the 'net aren't all that helpful to suicidal people. Or rather, a wee bit too helpful, as it were | (165) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The worlds 10 funkiest landing strips (with pics) | (241) |
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Police camera catches man speeding with car of in-laws, who try to help him avoid ticket by blaming Australian friend, who promptly reports them to the police. The circle of stupid is complete | (18) |
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Australian fashion model booted from show not because she was too skinny, but because she's 14, dude. Apparently, some people have a problem with that | (99) |
| (The Cabin) |  |
Threatening graffiti leads to indefinite shutdown of campus at College of Saint Xavier the Panicky | (27) |
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Men’s college paper cries foul when their issue featuring sexual positions, chainsaw etiquette and sniper rifle trivia is pulled, while the women’s feminist study newsletter on male castration and feminist porn is allowed | (262) |
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Pilots union takes a break from their busy days of playing poker, watching Oprah and seeing how long it really does take paint to dry to lash out at American Airlines. Could be worse, they could still be at the airport | (47) |
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Gol-durned malfunctioning time machine. We're stuck in a losing war, everyone's on drugs, and now the kids are staging sit-ins on campus | (74) |
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China defends its Tibet crackdown by employing the ages-old practice of blaming it on the guys who were getting the snot beat out of them | (59) |
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"I miss meat and blood very much. Not vegetables because they are food for a woman," "the nicest food is croissants," and other excerpts from the diary of a Masai warrior in London | (53) |
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Life continues to imitate a Stephen King book as officials at the Plum Island Animal Disease Center say, "oops" | (65) |
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Qantas pilot accidentally says the secret code word for hijacking. Everyone else in Peewee's Playhouse screams and jumps around | (86) |
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Italian woman found murdered in Turkey after trying to hitch-hike to the Middle East to promote peace. "I want to show that I can put my trust in local people" | (105) |
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No surprise: Our "favored nation" trading partner China has been spying on us for years. The surprise is how they've been doing it. Hint: you might want to close that Word doc before reading this | (222) |
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Old auto-theft prevention: The Club. New auto-theft prevention: the club | (60) |
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Spain arrests 20 for having too much booty | (54) |
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In order to give thanks to the internet for helping diagnose her daughter's illness, mother arranges sponsored pole dancing event | (18) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this reflective scene | (38) |
| (Pew Research) | |
Seventy-nine percent say cheating on taxes is wrong. The other twenty-one percent laugh as they walk into their executive boardrooms and Congressional offices | (54) |
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A story of the surge in popularity of motorcycles in conservative Singapore features the conservative type of news photo we've come to expect from AFP | (48) |
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27-year-old teacher gets parents' permission to marry their 17-year-old daughter, forgets that Texas law makes it a felony regardless. Whoops | (124) |
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RFID reader can now ID velocity and location of tags. Heisenberg seen throwing up hands and stalking off in disgust | (116) |
| (Commercial Appeal) | |
"Exotic dancing has serious artistic value... it's a learned skill, it's creative and it communicates a message through movement." Giggity | (65) |
| (Charleston.net) |  |
South Carolina card game takes the phrase "dealer busted" to a whole new level | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Stroke victim with aphasia becomes unable to communicate in any way, slowly relearns how to speak and write, has her article published in Newsweek. So it's sort of a win-loss for her | (42) |
| (Record Courier) | |
Caturday takes a nasty turn as man assaults wife with kitty litter | (91) |
| (SE Texas Live) | |
City ordinance prohibits student's pet cat... which weighs 30 pounds and can jump 12 feet in air to catch birds | (137) |
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Caption the Dalai Lama in a classic pose | (104) |
| (KITV) | |
If you rob a restaurant twice in a row, make sure the local news station isn't there when you try for a third time (video news story) | (33) |
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26-year-old Texan takes Miss USA crown. Still no word on who farted, y'all | (98) |
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Orazi the ginger tomcat weighs in at 35.2lb, the same as a two-year-old child. He's the cat that got the cream, the cake, the biscuits and all the pies (w/captionable pics) | (510) |
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Shearing banned at county show because animal welfare activists say clippers harm the sheep | (108) |
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Woman allergic to bees thinks that it's probably a good idea to do something about the 60,000 bees living inside her walls | (41) |
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Pirates release 30 hostages off the coast of Somalia, get away with Djibouti | (47) |
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Swarm of earthquakes detected off Oregon coast. It's coming | (104) |
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Photoshop this bovine quartet. Difficulty: Animated GIF | (55) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Are those endangered iguanas hidden in your hollowed-out prosthetic leg or are you just happy to see me? | (7) |
| (Mr. Ed) | |
A horse is a horse, of course, of course, and he doesn't like things that explode with force | (23) |
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Man arrested for selling 14,030 fake Viagra tablets on the Internet, asks judge to go soft on him but gets two years hard time | (26) |
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British Army captain has laptop stolen right from under him while he enjoys a Big Mac attack. The Sun is there, with helpful picture of a laptop and a Big Mac | (18) |
| (Courier Times) | |
Man paints graffiti on his own door, gets fined an entire Rush album | (38) |
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Apparently Alicia Keys is batshiat crazy | (277) |
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Customs officers peer into man's underwear and see crack | (11) |
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One year later, family of Virginia Tech killer are living in darkness, literally | (178) |
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If social workers come to take away your baby because you're an unfit mother, you're not going to change their minds by flinging your kid at them from across the room. Not that it stopped this asshat | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Gas station attendant sets .35 cent gas price accidently at 9:00 A.M. , doesn't notice mistake until 6:00 P.M | (137) |
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Today's mugshot round-up brings us some girls you would hit, some requiring eyebleach, two guys under hypnosis, and... Butterbean, is that you? | (230) |
Fri April 11, 2008
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School pulls female students out of class and forces them to study alone after they wore "inappropriate" clothing to school. The clothing? Pants (pic) | (207) |
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Captured tiger does a Free Willy in India (tag is for the slideshow) | (40) |
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61 year old court reporter takes down violent suspect, then transcribes the audio of the fight. Lawns everywhere sigh in relief (Not safe for work text) | (77) |
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Photographer specializes in taking pictures of women with guns (with gallery goodness). Giggity | (221) |
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New baby strollers offer chrome trim kit options, teardrop fenders and surround sound, and all for just $3,500. Hell, at that price, why not buy two? | (76) |
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World of Warcraft exceeds one million concurrent Chinese gold farmers | (194) |
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Captain Obvious award goes to this piece of journalistic excellence "Petrol prices have surged to more than $2 a litre in some places, and filling a 50-litre tank may cost over $100." | (82) |
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N.C. bank robbery suspect almost got away with it, until he didn't pay the $1.60 train fare in Maryland | (22) |
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Chairman of Moosehead Brewery receives the Order of Canada | (64) |
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US consumer confidence falls to 26-year low. It needs to lose about 40 lbs, get a few drinks in it, and forget about being rejected by the girl with the prosthesis | (152) |
| (officer.com) |  |
Police officer suspended when he claimed online to be a "super-trained killer ninja fighter." Rare ninja trifecta now in play | (85) |
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The Olympic torch relay finally finds a part of the world that doesn't give a rat's ass about Tibet | (167) |
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FLDS members at compound in Texas had plans to use cyanide. Somewhere there's a UFO with its meter running | (141) |
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Mexico border fence working surprisingly well.... as a place to prop a ladder | (129) |
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The genius teen girls who beat the crap out of a girl and recorded it have their bond doubled in court (with sweet justice) | (739) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man killed after he lost control of his 2006 Mercedes-Benz convertible, hit several objects including a tree, and was thrown from the car. In his driveway | (60) |
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Chuck Norris responds to student 'hit list'. Promptly roundhouse kicks him in the head | (101) |
| (Some Cereal) | |
Breakfast cereal now available in delicious Puffed Salmonella flavor | (48) |
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What band have you seen the most times? | (1287) |
| (Some Svedish Guy) | |
Photochop a gud yolk | (45) |
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The usual suspects ask Marriott to stop offering guests adult movies. Apparently someone is embarrassed by those charges showing up on their bills | (233) |
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The Clinton campaign fires someone for NOT lying about something | (294) |
| (PCMag.com) | |
Ten things you drooled over in the movies that you can get in real life | (242) |
| (KSTP) | |
Taxpayer-funded Islamic charter school in Minnesota finally flies the American flag, which is required of public schools. Director claims he didn't do it for five years before because he couldn't work the rope | (333) |
| (Party Guy) | |
Final Reminder: DC Fark Party, 6pm, tomorrow, Saturday April 12 at Carpool in Arlington. LGT venue | (118) |
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Sure, you might have had some cool field trips in school but did you ever visit a brothel? | (123) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Farker's dad, who created cancer patient assistance programs in honor of his late wife, named one of New York's finest philanthropists | (120) |
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Guards at Guantanamo bay have confiscated a Lord of the Rings screenplay from a detainee, presumably to prevent him from creating an unstoppable army of Uruk-Hai | (138) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Need some money? Sell fake crack to old folks | (39) |
| (Some overused title) | |
"Hero" kid who saved all the other children on runaway bus now blamed for releasing emergency brake, creating emergency | (95) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Two-thirds of paper currency laced with cocaine ... no wonder it smells so good | (124) |
| (Asylum) | |
50 misspelled or mistranslated signs. Submitter is particularly fond of the "This area is infested by bear" sign | (135) |
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Study: After years of research scientists have determined that men are attracted to faces that say "one-night stand" | (581) |
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NYPD rookies may be underpaid, but nevertheless, robbing a bank is not an approved moonlighting gig | (20) |
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"Hey, watch where you point that 3-D" | (46) |
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Fact: Ninjas are mammals. Fact: Ninjas fight all the time. Allegation: 55-year old woman donned Ninja outfit and robbed at least two banks | (61) |
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Current value of priest groping is $150,000 per grope, further sign the economy is slowing | (18) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop "It's a cake?" | (67) |
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Good idea: avoid jail by paying bail. Bad idea: use counterfeit money to pay for bail | (21) |
| (Seacoast Online.com) | |
Hell hath no fury like a pastor's woman scorned. "He's charming, and he's good at using scripture and gospel to get you to do things you might not want to do" | (88) |
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13-year-old boy sustained severe burn blisters to his face after visiting a tanning salon three times in a day. With pic of the blistered fool | (284) |
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Five, five hundred and seventy two AA flights canceled today, ah ah ah | (154) |
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Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. But do collect $67,000 | (36) |
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Female priest breaks through the stained glass ceiling, moves upwards and sideways to become Australia's first female bishop | (82) |
| (VillageSoup.com) | |
Nothing really prepares a man for marriage like being tasered, handcuffed, hog-tied with duct tape, oiled and feathered, and paraded through downtown strapped to a lawn chair on the back of a flatbed truck (with video) | (102) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ex-teacher gets five years in porn case. He would gotten away with if it weren't for those pesky kids rummaging through his drive he left in the computer lab *facepalm* | (183) |
| (The Local.se) | |
Casing: "Slang. to examine or survey (a house, bank, etc.) in planning a crime." For instance, discovering that a bank branch is cashless prior to attempting to rob it | (20) |
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Farkers referred to as "cheeky Astley pranksters" for their part in the Mets Rickroll scheme. The Sun is there | (103) |
| (Santa Cruz Sentinel) | |
Man chooses altruism for his 40th birthday and travels to Mexico to search for another family's abducted children. Happy endings? We got 'em | (75) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Instead of her face, porn star running for city hall puts pictures of her ass on her campaign posters; "I am the derriere of the Socialist party" | (118) |
| (medicinenet.com) | |
Research now shows that carrying a few extra pounds may help you live longer. Submitter is damn near immortal | (137) |
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Comb Jelly came before Simple Sponge, promptly fell asleep | (41) |
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Man who won $10 million lottery three years ago now on welfare after managing to spend his windfall at the rate of $10,000 a day, every day (pic) | (224) |
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British teen who ordered a taxi gets office furniture instead after demanding "a cab, innit?" | (87) |
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We all know everyone has skeletons in their closet, but that doesn't mean you want to find the remains of a woman when you're cleaning out your mom's closet | (34) |
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World famous Bognor birdman competition cancelled as the Nanny State strikes again. Subby hereby invokes the famous last words of King George V | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police conclude that explicit graffiti of "numerous stick people with male sex organs" on elementary school wall is probably not gang-related | (36) |
| (East Bay Express) | |
Actual headline: "Oakland Street Dealers Store Drugs Up Their Butts". "Under normal circumstances, the anus is a very safe place to hide drugs for a short period of time" | (46) |
| (KCTV) | |
Trooper describes being shot nine times: "It hurts like hell." | (69) |
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Postal official defends $13,500 steak dinner | (72) |
| (WTOV) | |
Teacher suspended for telling her trailer trash students they acting like trailer trash, so they'd be treated like trailer trash | (116) |
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Photoshop challenge: Design a flag for the Nanny State | (53) |
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Woman commits suicide by jumping from third-floor of public library. She must've been reading a Philip K. Dick novel | (109) |
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Man lights candles in park gazebo and trees for marriage proposal... Yes. Yes, it did | (113) |
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Tourism in New Jersey picks up, presumably thanks to unfavorable currency exchange rates in Hell, Purgatory | (61) |