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Sun April 06, 2008
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Not news: woman stabs husband. Fark: in argument over hot dogs | (8) |
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Todays "Robber leaves name on job application" brought to you by Athens, GA. Go dawgs. Duke sucks | (10) |
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Vodak maker apologizes to US for ad depicting southwest as part of Mexico. Says they're sorry that we're so stupid | (93) |
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Man jailed after punching a police horse in the ass | (35) |
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Man cuts down oak tree and discovers "emo face" inside. With pics that make you surprised the tree didn't cut itself down | (37) |
| (Some bitter police dog) |  |
Gunman shoots at police, jumps park fence, robs dad and kids, sheds ankle bracelet, escapes police dogs, carjacks pregnant lady and surrenders to police ... wait for it ... completely naked. Taa Daa | (47) |
| (PEW PEW PEW!) | |
Event promoter runs off with $4000 deposit ... for a gun show. This should end well | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman successfully shoplifts four-pack of Natural Ice from convenience store despite clerk catching her hiding them under her shirt. "You’re calling the cops for four beers?" | (54) |
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Sexy math prodigy turns to prostitution. Call submitter her derivative, as he would like to be tangent to those curves (article picture is not safe for work) | (217) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Today's religious bit of lunacy brought you by Islam, who have declared Health Insurance to be illegal because it is tantamount to gambling | (130) |
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If you escape from prison in Pennsylvania and make it all the way to California without getting busted, bragging about it might just be pushing your luck | (80) |
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Three ugly-ass camas - a cross between a camel and a llama - born in Dubai. And we do mean ugly-ass (pic) | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Foreclosures have gotten so high that lenders are letting people stay in their homes after they default | (57) |
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Survey finds blondes may have more fun, but brunettes bag the billionaires | (107) |
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The RMS Clintanic has lost another occupant as chief strategist Mark Penn grabs a lifeboat | (437) |
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Englishman plans to live on wild plants, acorn coffee, and roadkill for a year, says it can't possibly be any worse than regular English food | (62) |
| (France24) |  |
EU wants to allow consumers to file American-style lawsuits. What could possibly go wrong? | (70) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this watery reflection | (69) |
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Class war at its finest: wealthy go on 'poverty tour' followed by free 10-course feast | (124) |
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Original Schlitz to be bottled up once more | (148) |
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Confused French racists desecrate Muslim graves with swastikas | (189) |
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Not news: Man arrested after leading police on chase. News: He climbed on the roof of van while going 55MPH. Fark: He was naked | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Boring couple sues Google for putting up their home on Street View. Yes, they really are the Borings | (153) |
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California finally realizes that it's mathematically impossible to put everyone into prison | (277) |
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If Salt Lake City succumbs to zombie attack, they can't say they weren't warned | (107) |
| (NY Times) | |
Survivalism hits the suburbs, as yuppies and soccer moms stock up on organic MREs and designer ammo in preparation for the breakdown of society | (508) |
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Airline: "I'm sorry sir, but one of your family members has died on one of our flights." Five minutes later, Airline: "We do apologise, we got the wrong person" What a cock-up | (52) |
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England hit by massive global warming shortage, blame the French | (201) |
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Public health expert wants sin tax on butter, calling it "pure, natural poison" and saying it is as bad as cigarettes | (201) |
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Kids are sent to prison to stop them going back as criminals soon realise a nice warm cell with non-stop TV is not such a bad deal after all | (71) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Maine elementary school students plan to go 21 days without complaining. They better not click the link to their story then | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this high-flying snowboarder | (50) |
| (SunJournal.com) | |
When you're stuck in a jail, every little piece of scrap can become a shiv, waterpipe, fishing pole | (46) |
| (Daily Yomiuri) | |
Airline pilot in big trouble for letting two flight attendants touch controls of his Fokker in mid-flight | (43) |
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Tiger eats Chinese man at zoo. Still hungry hour later | (152) |
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Japan's oldest person fulfills her life's dream to meet Charlton Heston | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"The couple sent a $350 money order to Lagos, Nigeria, and then became curious how a live animal would be shipped from Africa." | (82) |
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Sean Connery says that Scotland is going to toss off the yoke of British rule just like he tossed his yoke onto Alex Trebek's mother | (127) |
| (Some Guy) | |
New poll shows support for Irish leadership candidate Fianna Fail has increased five percent, threatening to destroy a long-established Fark cliche | (59) |
| (Some Pier Guy) | |
Photoshop these sunset fisherman | (43) |
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German zeppelins to appear in the skies over London for the first time in 90 years; hopefully won't be dropping bombs this time | (95) |
| (Some Candidate) |  |
Papa Smurf loses bid for city council seat | (39) |
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Step 2: Pay off the guy making your antique replicas before you pass them off as originals | (26) |
| (Island Packet.com) |  |
Man with heart transplant he received from suicide victim commits suicide | (129) |
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Caption this bevy of blitzed Brewers backers | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teen tells the cops about his mom's pot plants after she threatens to send him to military school for skipping class | (108) |
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There can't even be one: England bans samurai swords | (278) |
| (Sunday Herald) | |
Today's Scottish rant: "We have discovered a fundamental truth about ourselves: that we really cannot organise a piss-up in a brewery. Which is why so many of us fly abroad these days to get drunk" | (43) |
| (Honolulu Advertiser) | |
State of Hawaii to spend $5 million flying stranded travelers home. Wouldn't it be cheaper to hire some trains or buses? | (100) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Time to pry the gun out | (1152) |
Sat April 05, 2008
| (dfw.com) | |
Suicide by cop: Chimp style. Runaway monkey trifecta in play | (61) |
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Man receives 10-year prison sentence minutes before marrying a woman in the same courthouse. Defense attorneys look to appeal on the grounds of cruel and unusual punishment | (21) |
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Child services goes "all in." Wins 137 snowflakes in Mormon version of "Texas hold 'em" | (276) |
| (OHIO) | |
When pawning your video camera, be sure to remove the tape, especially when that tape shows you giving a joint to a baby | (88) |
| (US News) | |
Obama outraised Clinton by 2-1 last month, proving that black people get too many hand outs or women get paid half as much as men, depending if you prefer to be the racist or the sexist type | (162) |
| (nzherald) | |
Not News: 27-year old arrested for assault with a weapon, News: Victim is a 15-year old boy, Fark: Weapon was a hedgehog | (62) |
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15 Canadians duck gunfire near Gaza, Sinbad discounts story | (49) |
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Police swarm Colorado day care to break up "blankie" flight | (61) |
| (CJ online) | |
Judge liens on nuts | (184) |
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Theme: Journey to the center of the L.A. UFIA Fark Pits. Special details in first post | (139) |
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NCAA Final Four discussion thread: Kansas-UNC. Memphis-UCLA. Link goes to picture of Monday night's winner | (586) |
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Latest new threat brought to you by the fear mongering media: gravel causes cancer. EVERYBODY PANIC | (57) |
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Olympic Torch arrives in Heathrow, will presumably get lost | (37) |
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Newspaper rescinds art award of nude self portrait because, dude, she's 17 | (249) |
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Not news: Restaurant owes back taxes. News: City threatens to sieze restaurant. Fark: City already owns restaurant | (37) |
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Two men rescued after 20 days drifting lost in the Atlantic. "Rescue officials... could not immediately explain how they survived." Subby suggests searching the boat for short straws | (66) |
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"We don't live in the era I grew up in," mother says after pot is found in her daughter's school. Considering her daughter's a freshman, that would mean mom probably grew up in the 70's | (150) |
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UK government to make supermarkets charge more for cheap booze to stop Brits drinking so much | (77) |
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Tennessee doctor that phoned in a bomb threat at SeaTac Intl. to keep his plane from leaving without him given 3 years probation and 500 hours of community service. It's nice to be rich | (131) |
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Good: Taking your children to work so they can see what you do all day. Fark: Taking your kids along as your SWAT team raids drug houses | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Rachel Ray the video game? Don't worry, it hasn't happened yet. But she must be stopped before it does | (151) |
| (Some nbc10) | |
Old and busted: family dog bites neighbor. New hotness: family dog jumps into minivan and runs over a family member | (46) |
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Meet Uzumma, the 5 month-old ugly-ass lowland Gorilla. Awwwwwwwww | (50) |
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Pet monkey escapes home, terrorizes Orlando residents, points menacingly at Chris Griffin | (55) |
| (WINK) | |
Pendulum swings the other way. After rates in childhood obesity reach epidemic levels, legislature mandates physical education, fitness tests in public schools | (106) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop Challenge: Put something in a can or bottle that you'd not normally find, well, canned or bottled. LGT obvious inspiration | (77) |
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Study finds young men do not respond to pictures of staplers in the same way as pictures of naked women. Present company excepted, of course | (71) |
| (Some Guy) | |
California doesn't even pretend to try anymore: politburo members immune from traffic citations | (88) |
| (The Argus) | |
Man with Sugar Puffs addiction goes all the way, legally changes his name to Mr. Honey Monster | (40) |
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Doctors in Florida upset about publicity surrounding their convictions in drug trafficking, claim the news is unfairly damaging their medical practices | (17) |
| (Drew's Liver) |  |
Cleveland Fark Party reminder: tonight, 9 PM @ Notacon. The beer doesn't drink itself, you know | (75) |
| (New England.com) | |
Don't like or want to hunt but still like the taste of Bambi? Then get yourself on Vermont's roadkill list, where the meat comes pre-tenderized (Links contains graphic image) | (66) |
| (thisisplymouth) | |
After seven years of preparation, a man was forced to abandon his dream of walking to the North Pole just four days in when he encountered... ice | (78) |
| (Beacon News) | |
Court victory for crazy cat lady, though she still faces a $150 daily fine for operating an unlicensed animal sanctuary. But who cares, it's just an excuse to post cat photos | (475) |
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Gas prices rise to another record as refiners cut production to boost margins. Wait... they're doing what? | (572) |
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Coyote surprises construction team, falls in elevator shaft. Claims that he levitated in space for awhile, held up a sign, and then just fell. Fast bird seen leaving area afterwards | (34) |
| (Pasadena Star News) | |
Boss fires employee due to cutbacks; employee cuts back | (46) |
| (Some Guy) | |
10 quotes on what it feels like to get shot | (218) |
| (Some lectric Guy) | |
Photoshop these beehives | (31) |
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Not news: Woman sentenced for DUI. News: In a golf cart. Fark: With six kids on board. "I do know that we were in a hurry to get home" | (28) |
| (Schenectady Gazette) | |
A police officer, a potato gun and a street light. One was fired. One could soon be. The other's busted, but it's still a street light | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you ever went to jail scuffling over fifty cents, you might be a redneck | (30) |
| (Times of India) | |
This week on People's Court: widow given naked public parade sentence for entering temple with vermilion on her forehead. No, really | (63) |
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English pork pie recognized by EU as "an official delicacy that requires government protection." Or presumably someone will eat one with disastrous consequences | (73) |
Fri April 04, 2008
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The eve of April 4, 1968, one town didn't have riots following the murder of MLK. That's because this man spoke to them like adults | (319) |
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Ugly-ass animal described as a cross between a tiny antelope and a small anteater discovered in Tanzania (pic) | (59) |
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Man escapes driving ban after being caught speeding to get from one of his wives to the other. Judge rules that having two mothers-in-law is sufficient punishment | (17) |
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Having no other issues to report on, Slate asks the probing question; Do stuffed animals have souls? | (78) |
| (WCPO) | |
Father of the year abandons 12-year old child - when the police arrive at the business they were robbing. Son heard muttering something about long memories & nursing homes | (17) |
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Farmer Joe, Hotties, Big Boy, and an awesome mustache in this week's mugshot lineup | (238) |
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Boise, ID considered most vulnerable to a terrorist attack, hay ride | (90) |
| (Michigan Tag?) | |
Is that a snake in your pants, or are y......oh | (36) |
| (Seacoastonline) | |
Woman reluctant to explain to police how she accidentally managed to lock herself in the trunk of her car at the mall | (38) |
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As the economy stumbles, these are the top five luxuries the rich are cutting back on. Where is the "Who Gives a Sh*t Tag"? | (217) |
| (Some dork) |  |
You're in heaven. Every band ever is playing their best show ever. Which one do you see? | (766) |
| (Inside Toronto) | |
Man falls out of a tree, really sticks the landing | (51) |
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NASCAR driver attempts a right turn | (188) |
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A horse is a horse, of course, of course/ and no one can talk him off that cliff of course/ and if the rescuers can't get to him in time that horse will soon be dead | (31) |
| (Some Tech Guy) | |
Photoshop this computer circuit board thingie | (51) |
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Three-year-old boy banned from school for his hairstyle. Boy apparently stole the style from DJ Jazzy Jeff in 1992 | (185) |
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California lawmaker wants to tax iTunes downloads. ♫ Let me tell you how it will be / There's one for you, nineteen for me ♫ | (170) |
| (WKYC) | |
Bullet fired into home stopped by Bible, which was coincidentally held by a crying Virgin Mary statue eating a grilled cheese sandwich that looked like Jesus | (234) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The U.S. Forest Service is using robot drones to find marijuana fields, Sarah Connor | (218) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The top ten places you should never visit, at least according to Hollywood. Alderaan suspiciously missing from the list | (192) |
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Glenn Beck, "I have yet to see what the government does with gasoline tax." Apparently the Interstate Highway System is hiding from Beck | (327) |
| (Joe Sixpack) | |
In honor of the 75th Anniversary of the end of Prohibition, share your best drinking story. VE | (460) |
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Man was critically injured trying to "roof surf" atop a Scion xB traveling down the highway, police are astonished and confused as to why anyone would drive a Scion xB | (247) |
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Power hungry condo board kicks out disabled vet over bureaucracy after his apartment is paid in full | (172) |
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News articles suffer from an annoying profusion of hyperlinks, claims Slate article containing no fewer than 19 hyperlinks | (58) |
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Man wins $136 million lottery prize, tells coworkers he comes from a little town called Kiss My Ass and they're making him homesick. Generous lottery winner trifecta officially broken | (190) |
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Woman with a G-1 burst N-2 bingo hall before someone can say "I-1" and makes off with 2 G's | (79) |
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Wondering what caused that "global warming reversed last year" story? Flying Spaghetti Monster just sent pirates to attack French cruise ship | (119) |
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Police in Washington D.C., a city known for its honesty and integrity, will wait for residents to call THEM to set up appointments to search their homes for guns | (203) |
| (Mets.com) | |
Rarely does one get the chance to Rickroll a sports team for an entire year, but today's your lucky day | (778) |
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You can't buy a taser in Canada, but you can build one using a bug zapper. This should end well | (67) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman says people want to call CPS when they learn she lets 9-year-old son ride NY subway alone: "As if keeping kids under lock and key and helmet and cell phone and nanny and surveillance is the right way to rear kids. It’s not" | (383) |
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Dow Chemicals donates property for trained killer zombie farm | (46) |
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Entire Navajo Nation could be without internet come Monday | (125) |
| (7 & 4 News) | |
Two guys give gas station attendant advance notice of intent to rob, are then surprised when she invites the cops to the party | (24) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teacher accused of having sex with student says she was doing it to cure his "shyness" (with not so shy pic) | (174) |
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The excitable Mrs London-Fife / took after her husband with a knife / the reprehensible lout / had been caught stepping out / so she cut at the root of their strife | (33) |
| (shieldsgazette) | |
Lap dance club aims to be the first in the world to put in a shower cubicle. Which is good because there's no other way to get the damn glitter off | (93) |
| (Great Falls Tribune) | |
Staff sergeant serving in Iraq attends the birth of his daughter in the U.S. via TV set. Mom reaches through screen to grab his nuts during heavy contractions | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not news: 18-year-old has driver's license suspended for drinking and driving. News: he wasn't driving. Fark.com: He wasn't drunk either | (59) |
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Building firm has banned workers from wolf-whistling, for fear the "outdated" tradition will scare away female househunters. No word on "brickies crack" which does the same thing | (91) |
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"Ancient" Time Magazine article reveals Russians have been taunting us with superior streetlight technology for quite some time | (69) |
| (FP) | |
Woman wins unjust dismissal suit, despite mocking colleagues with pig noises, calling them trailer trash, and slamming cupboards | (74) |
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Only in Wisconsin: Buy a house. The seller dies. You get his life insurance payout of $500,000 | (59) |
| (Fox 19) | |
For all you Roller Coaster enthusiasts, King's Island's Racer no longer will have a backwards-facing train | (169) |
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Law firms ban women wearing fishnet stockings "because they distract male colleagues." And how, ladies | (517) |
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Where's the fire, buddy? | (65) |
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New York court gives order of protection to . . . a duck? | (67) |
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Put on your tie-dye, get out the microbus, and take Moonbeam to the rally: The peace sign is 50 years old today | (112) |
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Court rules that driving a Fred Flintstone-style pedal powered Buick is not against the law (arrest video in thread) | (56) |
| (PalmBeachPost.com) | |
A charter fishing service that offers bikini-clad or topless women as mates has been kicked out of the city marina for violating its family-friendly atmosphere ... which leads to spike in business | (94) |
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Nanny State purges all of the permanent markers in school due to an eight year-old huffing a Sharpie | (118) |
| (Japanorama) | |
Serious speed-cubers are buying kits to soup up their Rubik's Cubes before speed-cubing competitions. In other news, there are speed-cubing competitions | (68) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop what should be on these empty shelves | (39) |
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One of the UK's biggest ISPs has admitted to logging every page that 36,000 of its customers accessed. Uh oh | (105) |
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German "suicide machine" sparks outrage, threat of copyright-infringement lawsuit by Springsteen | (159) |
| (The Moscow Times) | |
New tenants dismayed to discover that their apartment comes complete with corpsy goodness | (28) |
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LEGO simulation of the turmoil at Heathrow Terminal 5 shows that it's much worse than originally thought | (112) |
| (CityNews) | |
Divorcing wife: I want half of everything. Husband: Fine, then. Wife: what's that buzzing sound? | (237) |
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Environmental group wants people to stop driving on the beach. Opponents want to keep the ability of running over kids, seagulls, teenagers making out, and fat tourists. “It is a way of life in here.” | (74) |
| (Albany Times Union) | |
Not wanting teachers to have all the fun, psychologist busted for having sex with her 14 year old patient (with "hitworthy" pic) | (263) |
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Female bank robber went to the trouble of filling out a form with her real address and leaving behind her photo identification whilst trying to rob a bank | (40) |
| (Some Violent Gal) | |
Caption this lady killer | (96) |
| (Belfast Telegraph) | |
The rest of the World anticipating a HRC Presidency: "My fellow Americans, I drank a pint of walrus milk once for a bet. I speak fluent Eskimo. I once ate all the gherkins in Belgium..." | (462) |
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81 percent of Americans believe U.S. is headed in the wrong direction. The other 19 percent learned to drive in Britain | (276) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not news: Hot Big Brother contestant makes late night visit to female friend's house for chick-on-chick action. Fark: Other chick was Amy Winehouse | (114) |
| (Some Guy) | |
All those city-wide smoking bans might be increasing the number of drunk drivers | (284) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Witch doctors blamed for increasing number of murders of albinos in Tanzania. That's beyond the pale | (58) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this colorful countryside | (59) |
| (wltx.com) | |
Model citizen jumps through a church's stained glass window--robbing the place of hot dogs. His getaway car? A bike | (27) |
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Chicago high school anti-violence rally disrupted by violence | (144) |
| (Some Guy) | |
17-year old kid nicknamed "A-Bomb" decides to write his name on a briefcase and park on FSU campus. What could possibly go wrong? | (130) |
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Meet one of only 10 ugly-ass albino alligators in the world (pics) | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Malaysian woman sues her husband for taking her virginity | (70) |
| (Poughkeepsie Journal) | |
Your girlfriend dumps you; do you a) brood and determine she wasn't worth it anyway, b) vow to woo her back, or c) go after her parents with a couple of machetes? | (66) |
| (Daily Camera) | |
Not News: Man crashes party. News: Fondles daughter of host, whips out porn, starts fight. Fark: It's a memorial service. (w/mugshot) |