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(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun March 30, 2008
(Some Guy) Strange Sure winner for "most confused story ever": Elle MacPherson, the death of the Queen Mother, the history of the London marathon with bonusly random lingerie headline (16)
ESPN Cool Kansas wins sending all four #1 seeds to the Final Four, ensuring the win for Peggy from accounting (85)
(Times Herald Record) Stupid Today's girl-on-girl brawl with shower head stuffed into a sock is brought to you by Ellenville, NY (56)
(Gimundo) Cool A Japanese dog waited for his owner for 10 years. Meanwhile, your cat just ditched you for the neighbors because they buy name-brand food (152)
London Times Interesting Putin, having solved the rest of the world's problems, has proposed an underwater tunnel linking Russia to Alaska (114)
(Some Believing Guy) Cool Now that's a streetlight (157)
(Autoblog) Sad GTX and 'Cuda designer John Herlitz dead at 65. Chrysler already discussing plans to revive him as a compact in another fifteen years (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting The world's hardest easy geometry problem? Can you figure it out? Maffs is hard (195)
Mercury News Hero 84-year-old former Marine beats the snot out of teenage robber, finally gets around to calling cops after he gets home, puts groceries away, tends to his immaculate lawn (155)
Reuters Cool Latest medical research may result in longer lives for alcoholic rats (30)
(Some Gals) Photoshop Photoshop this dance duo (36)
Reuters PSA Followers of Religion of Peace™ now outnumber Religion of Pedophilia™ (192)
Chicago Tribune Unlikely What is it, Mayor? / A very big cat? / Loose in North Chicago / How 'bout that? / It could be lost in the trees/ Or on the ground / Folks, get your snowflakes inside / Before it gobbles you down (24)
Fox News PSA Study finds cell phones may be more deadly than cigarettes. No word yet on why people are smoking cell phones (61)
BBC Hero Soldier hurls himself onto grenade to save the rest of his patrol, survives with just a bloody nose (196)
Daily Mail Asinine Parents increasingly giving their crotchfruit names inspired by text message spellings. O RLY? (340)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Chinese hope ugly-ass baby panda cubs will soften its international image when Olympics are held (pics, video) (22)
KNBC PSA Man mistakes bathroom graffitti for bomb threat, LAX terminal evacuated (56)
News.com.au Weird Silicon implants augment little men, but not where you might think (61)
Seattle Times Asinine Newly rich, who moved into lakeside community renowned for water-based aviation, now complaining about neighbor's helicopter (75)
Seattle Times Amusing UFO researcher moves into abandoned missile silo, almost ready to withstand the invasion (with "I want to believe" pic) (38)
Daily Mail Interesting The inspirational career story of the woman who went from store detective to head of security at Heathrow airport in just six years. Clearly, this is unrelated to the fact she moved in with the managing director of the airport last year (60)
The Sun Interesting Blind woman archer splits one arrow with another, raising the question, who the hell gave her a bow and arrow in the first place? (90)
Canada.com Obvious Canada found to be one of the most valuable brands in the world: "People trust Canadians, no matter whom you ask, no matter where" (200)
Telegraph Interesting The 101 most useful web sites (113)
ABC News Stupid ABC News wins the Chicken Little Award for Panic Reporting by being the first network to breathlessly ask, "Are We Heading Into a Depression?" (206)
The Register Obvious Biometrics are great, so long as no one else knows your biometry. A lesson recently learned by the German interior minister after hackers published his fingerprint (80)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this swirly art (48)
BBC Amusing "Whenever I see a picture of Tony Blair I instantly get the taste of desiccated coconut. George Bush gives me a taste similar to the crusty potato bit on top of a cottage pie" (72)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Florida considering more specialty license plates. Popular new proposals include "Survived Fast-Food Shootout", "Astronaut Road Trip", and "Banged My Teacher" (51)
Washington Post Dumbass If you from bridges at cars would shoot / Take a lesson, be astute / Driving rare Gremlins will get you nailed / Drive an Accord and stay out of jail (39)
(Kten, OKC) Stupid Firefighters injured by motorcycle in living room -- while fighting fire caused by keeping pets warm on porch. Condition of motorcycle undisclosed (21)
(The usual gang of idiots) Cool A retrospective of Al Jaffee's MAD fold-ins, with interactive flash goodness (89)
(Florida Today) Florida Old and busted: farmers markets. New hotness: Free range demolition derby (14)
Yahoo Sad Journalist Dith Pran has finally joined the Killing Field (83)
AP Followup God may move in mysterious ways, but social services doesn't - three remaining children of couple who tried to pray their daughter healthy (and failed) are removed from their home (251)
The Scotsman Obvious Students debate if they should be allowed to have sex with their teachers. Apparently some parents have a problem with this (47)
Independent Unlikely Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? (26)
SFGate Interesting San Francisco city workers are raking in so much tax payer money working overtime a part time on-call nurse makes more than the mayor (112)
My San Antonio Ironic University's plagiarism honor code found to be plagiarized (79)
Guardian.com Unlikely University students in the UK say they are forced, FORCED, to drink alcohol (33)
Contact Music Scary Angelina Jolie has gestational diabetes. Wilford Brimley jumps into action (109)
(lasvegasnow.com) Ironic Las Vegas city elders want under-18 dance club shutdown because it "seriously effect(s) [sic] the social and moral well being of the city" (53)
WFTV Florida Wealthy individual erects billboard which declares "All religions are fairy tales." Hilarity ensues (342)
SMH Asinine Apparently Scene is the new Emo, just with a different shade of black eyeliner (w/pic of 13-year old Australian Scenegirls goodness) (483)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Interesting Hospitals trying a new strategy when they fark up: saying they're sorry (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his weather-ma-jimmy (45)
Newsweek Interesting Some Democrats hoping to sacrifice the people of New York to save the presidency (119)
Daily Mail Sappy Queen Elizabeth finds yet another excuse to postpone her annual wifely duties (69)
NCBuy Sappy Reverend Jerry Falwell's widow writes book about her husband, though it's unlikely they'll use the original title, "I'm Dead, So Fark Larry Flynt In The Ear For Me" (143)
MSNBC Scary Owner of wildlife sanctuary mauled by dirty rotten cheetahs (35)
News.com.au Amusing Doomsday cult members find themselves having to take up a new hobby when the world doesn't end (81)
AP Scary Muqtada al-Sadr gives first interview since May of 2007. Says that he is in control of the Mahdi army, the American occupation is worse than Saddam and that liberation of Iraq is their goal. I guess the truce is off (184)
(Deseret News) Interesting Mormon becomes Utah's grand master Freemason, creating a black hole of secret society confluence that threatens to suck the state into a parallel, even more secretive and clannish dimension (114)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Police report to house on a possible OD, find a man who locks himself in the bathroom comes out with a meat cleaver and invites the officers to shoot him. Jailarity and pepper spray ensue (26)
Guardian.com Interesting Japanese women aren't having enough sex. Submitter volunteers to help (250)

Sat March 29, 2008
(Some Guy) Strange Flagstaff, AZ solution to its housing crisis: build really really small homes (800 sf) so that people will spend all of their time outdoors (115)
Globe and Mail Asinine Canada considers raising its drinking age to 21 (171)
(Some Guy) Stupid Police called to investigate "assault" charge because substitute teacher touched student with "tip of finger" to forehead (204)
CBS San Francisco Followup TSA Changes Procedures After Nipple Ring Flap: "The last time that I checked a nipple was not a dangerous weapon." (124)
Yahoo Stupid Katrina victims may have to return thousands of dollars because some victims were overpaid. That'll really help the rebuilding process (114)
Local6 Florida No matter how badly you want some shish kabobs, you probably shouldn't be near an outdoor grill if you have an oxygen tank (64)
BBC Amusing Three days after opening there are now 15,000 bags stranded at Heathrow's new terminal (51)
Orlando Sentinel Followup "My precious little snowbeast doesn't know it's wrong to punch the police, she doesn't know what's going on," says mother of Godzilla-sized 11 year old taser "victim" (263)
(South Bend Tribune) Dumbass Parents of the year busted after 4 year old son caught with bag of pot at day care (45)
AP Stupid "People ain't gonna go to church because all they're gonna do is go to the liquor store. Instead of getting up to praise the Lord, all they're gonna do is go to the liquor store. Drinking times three." (139)
My Fox Milwaukee Unlikely Milwaukee man identifies the anonymous dead without a team of wisecracking scientists or a hologram generating supercomputer (38)
Reuters Stupid Stressed out? German vicar helps parishioners relax by letting them lie in an open grave. Because there's nothing as calming as death (43)
FARK Cool Reminder: NYC April Fool's Fark Party, Tuesday @ around 6 pm. LGT previous thread, DIT after FP, I before E except after STFU (25)
Telegraph Interesting Murder Map of London released so you can know where your best chances of getting offed by a hoodie wearer is. With link to Google maps in the article so you can get directions (167)
ABC News Obvious Interest in hunting and fishing dropping among Americans, who are finding other things to do than inflict pain and death on nature's beautiful, innocent creatures (479)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Wikipedia hits 10,000,000 articles. [citation needed] (125)
TBO Florida School confiscates girl's crutches because she didn't have a doctor's note (195)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Ice cream flavors rejected by Ben and Jerry (85)
This Is Local London Cool 22 year old hottie inherits much of her grandfathers £650m porn business (143)
BBC Unlikely Younger men who read so-called "lads mags" could be psychologically harmed by the images of perfect male physiques they contain (148)
The Newspaper PSA Western Australia drivers have a weekend of freedom because the state's speed cameras are in the shop having their clocks reset for the end of daylight savings time (12)
(Tallahassee.com) Florida What's better on a Saturday afternoon than a nice prostitution sting? Can it be hookurday now? (w/ pics) (52)
Canada.com Interesting Top 50 things to do in Canada this summer. 'Submitter's mom' strangely absent from list (89)
Lancashire Evening Post Asinine "Listen, we know your daughter is dead but she still owes us $1500 in rent. Now are you going to pay or do we have to take you to court?" (130)
BBC Ironic After cheating death in a paragliding accident, man's follow up X-ray reveals he has terminal cancer (53)
(Some Guy) PSA "Sandcastles don't kill people, people that don't flatten their sandcastles kill people." (53)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Pizza flavored beer. Finally (63)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Cletus, hold my beer. With already-been-hit pic screaming to be shopped (150)
The Tennessean Dumbass Man leads cops on wild 5mph chase which ends dramatically when cops walk up to car and take the keys out of the ignition (22)
SacBee Asinine Evidently filming fully clothed cheerleaders during a public performance is a felony (466)
Guardian.com Interesting German theatre is to stage the world premiere of the controversial Salman Rushdie novel "The Satanic Verses". Doors open at 8. Fire brigade and police due at 5 past (40)
(Some Guy) Cool Teacher Pippi Longstocking, 26, arrested for having sex with student. But at least it was off campus. (Of course there's a mug shot.) (100)
(KOIN) Amusing If you left an entire suit of armor at the bus stop, the Keizer Police Department would like to have a word with you (w/pic) (33)
(Some Guy) Stupid President Andrew Jackson's pursed lips on the hideous new $1 coin. This is why he whacked potential assassins with his walking stick (186)
The Scotsman Strange Clò Bhrèanais a' reic ri fìor mhullach a' mhargaidh. It's not news, hell if I know what it is (112)
(N & O) Obvious The reason it's called an "education lottery" is because you need to be lacking an education to play it (99)
(St. George, UT) Strange Man starts fire in middle of the street. Reason? He's starting a movement for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and Toby Keith. God Bless America (33)
(Some Guy) Followup You made them put the padlock THROUGH the trigger guard? Breaking news: the TSA is made up of complete idiots who would prefer a plane falls from the sky than have pilots carry guns on duty (153)
The Sun Amusing UK government jobcentres are running adverts for sex chat-line workers and pole dancers. The Sun is there with one of the ads (22)
(some blagger) Photoshop Photoshop this tough little guy getting a shot (73)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida reeling as population growth ends. "The state has not experienced a decline of this magnitude since the mid '70s, when we were in a national recession." Ex-governor Skink tips hat to Drew (63)
Baltimore Sun Weird Victim uses fake handgun to rob would-be mugger of his shotgun, forces him to take off all his clothes. Then things get weird (46)
Houston Chronicle Cool World Cat Congress is now in session. Mr. Speaker, I move that today shall be Caturday (461)
SFGate Asinine Tiger attack victim arrested for shoplifting. His lawyer claims the two Nintendo controllers were not in proper packaging, attacked his client and jumped inside his pants (62)
AZCentral Strange Mexican restaurant streamlines menu, eliminates tacos from their repertoire. Slow newsday-larity ensues (31)
(KXII) Strange Texas farmer doesn't "even notice at first" anything unusual about his new ugly-ass baby cow. Fark: Ugly-ass two-headed baby cow (w/video of bovine "Ricky" and "Bobby") (32)
(Bismarck Tribune) Dumbass Today's "white kids in blackface perform a skit about Barack Obama getting a lapdance" brought to you by North Dakota (223)
The Sun Sad "Wear I going if my school shuting?" Meet your new 'Get a brain, morans' meme (pic) (151)
Yahoo Unlikely Every time you copy software a terrorist gets a gun (113)
USA Today Asinine Starbucks baristas, remember that court ruling saying that supervisors have to share tips with you? Well, Starbucks is going to ignore that ruling. Now, go make a venti triple latte (218)
The Smoking Gun Interesting The TSG Mugshot lineup: 51% Blackface 49% Grillz (160)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this walking machine (46)
(Some Guy) Stupid (c)(r)(a)(p) (t)(a)(t)(s) (293)
London Times Dumbass London banker jailed for dazzling helicopter pilot with 5 million candlepower light, despite his defense that he was only using it to discourage CHUDS, morlocks and nocturnal albino mutants (42)

Fri March 28, 2008
London Times Unlikely With nothing more important to cover, the media seize upon the story of the year: Beards are back (174)
Telegraph Strange Revenge of the Sith comes to a Welsh suburban garden, as Dai Vader assaults founder of the Jedi Church, who is as clumsy as he is stupid, apparently (46)
This Is Local London Interesting Man declares war on neighbors, slashing their car's tires 15 times, after they complained about his snoring (31)
Washington Post Obvious Washington Post: "Just because something has appeared in a newspaper does not mean that is entirely accurate" (48)
Washington Post Interesting Net Neutrality's Quiet Crusader.. The Battle is on for Net Freedom. Save the free boobies (44)
MSNBC Interesting If this isn't a slow news day headline for the home page on a major news website, no telling what is: "Farmers consider how much corn to plant" (35)
(Some Guy) Cool Women in Copenhagen allowed to go bare-chested in public pools the same as men (w/ SFW pic that will have you really wishing it wasn't) (197)
ABC News Followup Independent filmmaker and professional attention getter learns that despite catering to the lowest common denominator and leveling numerous ad hominem attacks at a world religion, nobody really seems to care what he thinks (148)
Denver Channel Dumbass Slapping your fellow deputy on the butt? That's a suspendin' (40)
Daily Mail Weird Bizarre ball of twisted metal space junk falls from the sky into farmer's backyard(w/pic) (116)
(Some Tweaker) Dumbass If you are going to steal power cable, don't wrap your entire truck with it (with full of fail pic) (50)
(nbc17) Amusing Wanted: Land developer who has never seen 'Poltergeist' (44)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine Ah, Chicago politics. High-ranking city employee acquitted of shoplifting $130 in groceries after prosecutors "failed" to play surveillance video. Worker may get her $80k/year "corruption-fighting" job back (78)
Washington Post Followup It turns out that Hillary's sniper-dodging Bosnian airport landing actually DID happen- to Senator Olympia Snowe, 6 months earlier (163)
BBC Followup UN Secretary General issues strongly worded letter condemning Dutch anti-Islamic film because it might upset Islamics and they might chop some more people's heads off (271)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Create something interesting with these knives (52)
News.com.au Amusing Australian reporter wants to know if there can actually be such a thing as a funny death. Come up with some ideas for him. VE for the funniest (314)
WTAM Amusing "You will give me all your money...and then quack like a duck." (52)
Komo Dumbass Seahawks fan cooks burger for Steelers fan spits in it, ends up charging missing most of the burger and loses anyway (504)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine 3M agrees to pay $700,000 settlement to Fresno County because it advertised that Scotch tape was 1" wide when it was actually .94" (317)
SMH Interesting Cool: California couple plans fundraiser to support the recovery of an Australian man who was thrown into a fire pit. Awkward: the fundraiser is a barbeque (50)
(Some Guy) Followup President Bush - who once employed Jose Canseco and Juan Gonzalez on the Rangers - no longer has to throw opening pitch to Mitchell Report star (33)
CBS Salt Lake City Followup Another coal mine shut down in Utah due to unexpected dangers. Soon, the state economy will rely on manufacturing plants that make Mormon underwear (66)
Newsday Interesting Official to call for Long Island statehood. New state would be funded by taxes on lacrosse equipment and hair gel (242)
Wall Street Journal Dumbass Pfizer VP arrested for downloading child pr0n on his work computer, will now be part of clinical trial on Viagra use vs placebo in a confined setting (72)
Orlando Sentinel Florida WWE banner for Wrestlemania shows wrestlers with missing nipples. Pink Floyd unavailable for comment (112)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Dumbass Blast from the past: Bubble 1.0 winner Mark Cuban waxes philosophical about not having cashed out at the precise, exact top (55)
Local6 Amusing Two kittens get a jump on Caturday by chasing a 200-lb. bear up a tree (168)
First Coast News Amusing Man caught having sex with a picnic table (with mugshot goodness) (424)
Canada.com Dumbass Criminal masterminds of the year spend 40 minutes getting their picture taken and then run off without paying the bill (48)
Canada.com Scary One person injured by woman with extra-long hummer (49)
CNN Amusing Whack a monk. Tank standoff. Synchronized sterilization (68)
(Bottle Bar) Cool Last Reminder: Chicago Fark Party is happening TOMORROW NIGHT, March 29th. At Bottle Bar. LGT bar, details in thread. Be there or wish you were (75)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Mainstream media journalists finally cop to their dependence on blogs (36)
(Some Fail) Dumbass Not news: Man tries to rob store, fails. News: Tries to rob another store, fails again. Fark: Leads police on a low speed chase before fleeing on foot and jumping in a swamp (17)
Telegraph Scary Gigantic stash of East German Stasi porn discovered, mainly featuring women who looked like Ray Nitschke. No pics, thankfully (98)
Fox News Stupid Teen's underwear dance at McDonald's leads to robbery, assault, horny Fry Guys (54)
(KTKA) Amusing 17-year old student bangs his 31-year old teacher, who is apparently descended from a giraffe (with longneck picture goodness) (366)
SFGate Dumbass Man plays chicken with oncoming train, wins. Wait, what? (53)
Canada.com Spiffy City of Edmonton spends $1.2 million a year to ensure residents can enjoy bacon for breakfast (61)
(Some Guy) Weird Man goes out drinking, ends up really trashed (45)
KnoxNews Amusing Slump in housing market leads to alternate methods of selling. Such as holding an essay contest to win a home (42)
Houston Chronicle Hero "Aprendan español, o vayan a cárcel" dice juez (394)
Daily Herald Stupid Illinois to pay $139 million to improve safety at highway rail crossings. In other news, it will cost $139 million to tell people to STOP TRYING TO BEAT TRAINS? (141)
Yahoo Spiffy Fidel Castro regime: No cellphones for you. Raul Castro regime: Cellphones for everybody. Viva la Revolución (128)
BBC Dumbass Kids using Bebo to organise picnics and museum outings. Not really, they're organising gang fights (70)
Cleveland Amusing Five, FIVE awesome mugshots of 'precious metals' thieves...Au, Au, Au (166)
TBO Florida We've replaced this regular crime victim with a martial arts expert. Let's see if these three muggers notice (201)
Newsday Amusing Teacher-student sex is filthy and wrong even if the student consents, says an expert on sexual abuse in schools, the appropriately-named Ms. Shakeshaft (108)
(Sportsnetwork) Spiffy The official NCAA tournament thread - Sweet 16 edition day two (400)
AP Scary Supermarket faces stampede after bread goes on sale at just $7 million a loaf (160)
Reuters Unlikely China will not punish a group of Tibetan monks for disrupting a government-organized foreign media tour. Definitely won't take them out back by the bins for a kicking, honestly (33)
The Sun Amusing Armed police swooped on an old folks’ home to arrest a pensioner in a cowboy hat brandishing a plastic pistol (39)
AP Followup Following allegations that he was supplying useless 50 year-old bullets from illegal sources; DOD suspends its $300 million munitions contract with 23 year-old. But not to worry, the suspension is only temporary (132)
(nbc5i) Strange "There's a laundry list of things we can use to deny or revoke a license, but having a 12-year-old dancing in their establishment is not one of the things that automatically enables us to revoke their license" (184)
BBC PSA Please note, when having a drink and placing a bet, remember to feed your mentally ill wife first (39)
(Some Railroad Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this tiny train (60)
(Daddy Types) Sick Wonderful news, parents - now your daughters can get tramp stamps out of the vending machines at Toys-R-Us (286)
(Buffalo News) Amusing Good news: We found your missing pastor. Fark: In a strip club (52)
WTOP Strange Inexplicable headline of the day: "Nats Stadium: 'It's Going to Spunk Us Up'" (71)
News.com.au Weird Bizarre: unemployed man receives $10,890 from anonymous benefactor. Even more bizarre: he turns the money over to the police (31)
Seattle Times Followup Hacker that faked 911 call and woke up family with a SWAT team gets three years (142)
AP Scary In clinical trials of asthma patients taking Singulair, the most common side effects were headache, flu, abdominal pain, cough and suicide (107)
News.com.au Scary Not news: dog bites man. News: man bites dog. Fark: plane hits dog and skids off runway (24)
Daily Mail Sad Some uptight twits are trying to stop the BEST FIELD TRIP EVER (140)
Breitbart.com Scary "Runaway SUV knocks man off his toilet" (21)
(NY Daily News) Amusing Gone are the days when a failed school science project leading to a smoking backpack on the B train would've just been laughed at (51)
The Sun PSA Apparently, "Fake a disability so you can transport drugs in your mobility scooter that happens to be covered in jewelry" can be scratched out of the Book of Good Ideas (15)
Local6 Florida Driver hides $32,000 in counterfeit money in lap. Which worked okay until he was pulled over by the police and didn't move the money (9)
Local6 Florida Old and busted: rock, paper, scissors. New hotness: cinder blocks, tasers and bats (26)
TBO Florida What happens when Medicare covers Viagra? Two 93-year-old men arrested for soliciting undercover cop for sex (53)
(Some Guy) Obvious “My two-year-old daughter loves to drink alcohol-free beer. What consequences can that have?” (169)
(The Herald UK) Spiffy Scottish photographer awarded his weight in whiskey. "I had a couple of weeks before the award ceremony so I went on a diet - a diet of chips, beer, pies and more pies" (65)
(Some Guy) PSA If the police come to your door to serve you summons for a mental health examination, attacking them with a shovel might not help your case much (18)
CNN Strange 2,000 troops to be sent to secure border between the US and Mexico. Mexican troops, that is (101)
(CBS6 Albany) Amusing Man tries to pay overdue water bill with check written on floral print, two-ply toilet paper. Who writes checks anymore? (44)
(Some Guy) Asinine New Orleans cop swipes teen's naked buttcrack in public to search for drugs. "He swiped like a Visa". Well, dude, you did get charged (85)
BBC Amusing "If You Want Closure In Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs" wins odd book title, also great self-help for sluts who only read covers (35)
Canada.com Interesting Charlie, a nice Standard Poodle / Births 16 cute puppies--an oodle / The challenge ahead / For the owner, 'tis said / Is naming the kit and kaboodle (35)
AP Obvious Two sought in Charlottesville sniper shootings. "We're talking the mountains up here, and the first thing you usually think of is drunk rednecks." (87)
Yahoo Dumbass Woman crashes car after trying to answer cell phone while driving, manages to save her coffee (77)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this wooden tiki (60)
Dayton Daily News Spiffy "Retreating from Iraq would...abandon our friends to terrorists and death squads." In other words, Bush is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Oh hell, we've been Iraq-rolled (109)
My Fox Orlando Florida Are you tougher than a fifth-grade girl? Depends who's holding the Taser (80)
(Some Guy) Florida Weekend-long, $4000-a-head "Porn Camp" comes to Tampa Bay (83)
Independent Sad Schools in Nanny State consider locking students inside during lunch hour to prevent them buying fast food, prepare them for future life in prison after they face the consequences of being unable to make responsible decisions (57)
WFTV Florida When you are pulled over for a broken tail light, make sure to punch the cop and run off. Forget the kid in your back seat. Wait what? (24)
NPR Hero Hard-core victim offers mugger his coat, buys him dinner, shows him the meaning of kindness (430)
Yahoo Weird Underpants gnomes return. Still haven't figured out step #2 (39)
Daily Mail Obvious UK teens drink 269 pints a year, experts wonder why number is so low (51)
Wired Weird In Mexico the punks and rockabillys are warring against the emos. Si, RLY (241)

Thu March 27, 2008
Guardian.com Obvious Berlin Zoo faces questions after hundreds of its animals disappear and a new Taco Bell opens on its grounds (44)
UPI Caption Obama strikes ultimate "I see what you did there" pose. Caption what he really said (242)
(Bostonist) Unlikely Frat guys cause $25,000 worth of damage at a Days Inn, which begs the question: is a single Days Inn even worth that much? (61)
Fox News Interesting Have you seen the retirement house that Rev. Jeremiah Wright is building? Goddamn (317)
My San Antonio Stupid Professor disciplined for saying a woman looked "hot" in her Halloween costume in the presence of female co-workers, and that if he were a drinking man he would ask her out for a drink (142)
(Alabama dot com) Followup After 60 Minutes pointed out the minor detail that the only evidence in his bribery trial was completely fake, Gov. Don Seigelman has been released on bail pending his appeal (119)
(koco-tv) Followup The case of the OU Sooner fan attempting to castrate a Longhorn fan in a bar is going to trial. Trial date is after the NCAA tourney is over (147)
(China Daily) Strange Man sues KFC over inferrence that he and his grandson are "dog friends" (95)
(Some Eye Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this extreme closeup (104)
Free Press Followup Falling crane closes highway near Detroit. We seem to have an epidemic on our hands (77)
The Smoking Gun Amusing Need a handy glossary for escort service terms like 'CBJ' or 'DFK'? Well, the Department of Justice is here to help (172)
(Oregonian) Asinine Newly surfaced Chase memo gives rare glimpse of how banks got us into this mortgage crisis: "Inflate the borrowers' income or otherwise falsify their loan application" (126)
(EDN.com) Weird Illinois couple wants legislation to legalize skunk pet ownership. "It’s like a cross between a house cat and a calm monkey" says woman (with accompanying "I'd spray it" picture) (88)
CBS San Francisco Boobies TSA makes woman remove nipple rings to board plane: "She was given a pair of pliers in order to remove them" (593)
WTAM Dumbass Man busted by undercover fishermen spends $694 on six steelhead trout. That's right, undercover fishermen (112)
CNN Unlikely Dumpster-diving freegans become latest media-created trend: "At a time when many Americans are on tighter budgets and worrying about environmental conservation, the practice may get more popular" (340)
USA Today Followup Playboy will soon premiere Playboy Phillipines, but the magazine won't have any frontal nudity. We have the same magazine in the US except here its called the Sears Catalog (197)
(Some Guy) Amusing News: Kid hacks into school computer. Fark: He used “Internet for Dummies” book to do it (249)
Local6 Florida Yappy dog gets his comeuppance. Hawk flies off with family's pet at doggie day care (316)
CNN Asinine CNN: Your precious snowflake's not socially inept and awkward, he has autism. Here's how to get free stuff (452)
Metro Followup Turns out the guy who claimed to be raped by a wombat made it up (80)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man tries to convince his friends and ex-girlfriend that he lives a secret life as a gang member. When they don't believe him, he shoots himself four times in a staged assault (120)
Washington Post Followup L.A. Times, fooled by forged document, apologizes for implicating P. Puff Diddy (Daddy?) Combs in shooting of Tupak Shakur. Bonus: They refer to the time between 1994 and present as "12 years" (110)
UPI Dumbass U.S. passport production outsourced to Thailand -- this ought to end well (219)
(HuffPo) Dumbass $300 million contract to arm Afghan forces awarded to 22 year old. What could possibly go wrong? Bonus: Company's VP is a licensed masseur (278)
Canada.com Hero After seeing nude photos of her, British media declares French first lady to be the next Princess Diana (138)
(TMZ) Amusing Adolphus August Busch V, grandson of Gussie Busch who built the Anheuser-Busch beer empire, arrested for under-age drinking. Shows youthful indiscretion by drinking Natty Lights (149)
Yahoo Dumbass And the Daily Dumbass Award goes to: The drug-trafficking brothers who flagged down a police car by mistake, and are now on the run. On horseback. In Fiji (26)
Chicago Sun-Times Scary Hezbollah has increased its rocket range, is now working on its dribbling and perimeter shooting (136)
BBSpot Amusing This guy lost a kidney and half a liver thanks to a "Free Organs" posting on Craig's List (103)
(Columbia Daily Tribune) Silly City asking all residents to turn electric lights off from 8:00 pm - 9:00 pm this Saturday as part of 'Earth Hour'. Fire Department, ERs on alert for all the anticipated candle, walking-into-things emergencies (97)
AP Stupid Missouri leaps ahead of all other candidates in the running for its own tag by being the only state that allows kids as young as six to particpate in ultimate fighting events (183)
SFGate Spiffy The official NCAA Tournament thread: Sweet Sixteen edition (609)
(witntv.com) Unlikely NAACP Says “Low Pants Bill” Is Discriminatory (866)
Sky.com Photoshop Photoshop this kick block attempt (65)
(NY Daily News) Followup NY Governor says he will no longer contribute to Fark (82)
Charlotte PSA South Carolina may be the next state to ban lap dances. Lawyer says "there's no constitutional right to lap dances", but subby is sure he read it in there somewhere (285)
Daily Mail Amusing Slow news day: A celebration of the top 10 stupidest parking tickets of all time, including a car that had been crushed by a fallen tree and a man ticketed for having a slow horse (84)
Daily Mail Cool Russian billionaire and Chelsea FC owner denies plans to link Alaska and Siberia with the world's longest tunnel as it would be too difficult to keep a strait bearing (81)
News.com.au Cool Chinese man has pet tortoise that smokes. Charley the smoking chimp is unable for comment (44)
ABC News Followup Tibetan monks disrupt dog and pony show put on by Chinese officials, wisely leave before tanks arrive (100)
(Some Guy) Asinine Texas prosecutor wants to prosecute writers of "The Wire" for encouraging jurors to do what they feel is right, instead of what they are ordered to do by judges (312)
Boston Herald Amusing Democrat pushes through $1.1 million earmark to stop Republican's vacation house from flooding. Who says the parties can't work together? (62)
UPI Followup Bush, Putin to meet to discuss who all our base belong to (74)
ABC News Unlikely American tanning salons launch ad campaign to convince people that having skin the color and texture of beef jerky is actually healthy (190)
AJC Asinine Atlanta high-school students now stealing laptops, iPods and beer using new robbery tactic called "doggy dooring." Students rumored to distract actual dogs using tactic called "peanut buttering" (125)
Daily Mail Amusing Reworked Bible stories feature Goliath as a drunk and Eve as sex mad, dogs playing poker and dinosaurs as yet unexplained (102)
Chicago Tribune Weird Alaska man is the Wilt Chamberlain of four-leaf clovers (45)
SuperDeluxe Sappy Spitzer scandal explained by a cute 3 year-old princess (204)
(Drew's Liver) PSA Cleveland Fark Party reminder: April 5th, 9 PM @ Notacon. The beer doesn't drink itself, you know (42)
Metro Strange Group of flashmobbing environmentalists decides that the opening of Heathrow's controversial Terminal 5 absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part, and they're just the guys to do it (76)
This Is Local London Dumbass Full marks for honesty, but it's still not a particularly good idea to walk into a courtroom and announce that you've just stabbed the defendant (18)
Daily Mail Followup World's first trial for Facebook harassment thrown out of court, leaving defendant free to resume poking. He said he thought the decision was "Scrabulous" (36)
UPI Weird Old & Busted: Snakes on Planes... New Hotness: Snakes in TVs (23)
AFP Weird Japanese department store unveils robot babysitter to chat with kids by name, beam advertising to them, and zap them if they happen to be John Connor. With weird but SFW pic (98)
The Raw Story Scary Sirhan Sirhan may may not not have have fired fired fatal fatal bullet bullet (314)
NYPost Dumbass Another Eliot Spitzer prostitute-agency scandal emerges. Old and busted: Ashley Alexandra "Kristin" Dupre. New ho-ness: Kristin "Billie" Davis (w/pic) (355)
Daily Mail Dumbass Good schools in England will now be forced to take in students expelled from other schools when they expel their own. You're doing it wrong (60)
Metro Weird Insurance company refuses to pay man attacked by two dogs because he forgot to ask them if they wanted karate (55)
Kansas.com Asinine Worried that Al-Qaida might be joining American gangs, the feds use the Patriot Act to search the home of somebody who belongs to the Wichita Crips (305)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Convicted child molestor claims he was molested by Bigfoot as a kid (62)
My Fox Milwaukee Ironic Problem: Crashes caused by distracted drivers. Solution: Create a billboard telling drivers to not get distracted. New problem: Billboard is hard to read, causing new distraction (32)
News.com.au Scary Asparagus sauce blamed for diner's demise. These deaths don't turnip often, but they don't leave mushroom for optimism. Lettuce artichoke back the tears endive into more pressing matters (65)
YouTube Photoshop Theme: Unnecessary censorship. Take a wholesome image and censor it so it looks raunchy. LGT Jimmy Kimmel inspiration (140)
SeattlePI Interesting They came first for the rubber dog poop, and I didn't speak up (32)
News.com.au Hero Arrest warrant issued for 'God' who failed to front up at court because he is above the law (55)
Examiner Followup Rep. Michele Bachmann proposes bill that would reverse phase-in of energy-efficient compact flourescent lights. Turner & Overdrive frustrated, still think she's a dim bulb (127)
Stuff Strange Man calls police and claims he was raped by a wombat, then it gets weird (44)
CBS 2 Lost Angeles Sad Inventor of the Egg McMuffin and the man responsible for feeding submitter during college dies at age 89 (96)
AZCentral Dumbass Football trash-talking? That's a castration. Fark.com: by a church Deacon (41)
Yahoo Interesting The man who wrote "Roget's Thesaurus" is written up in a book. He is agape, agog, alarmed, amazed, anxious, appalled, astonished, astounded, and awestruck by this development (43)
(NY Times) Obvious In European wine regions, a parent may give a teenager a small glass of wine to introduce the teen to an adult pleasure in a safe and supervised manner. Then there's the American plan, which may involve a lawyer when all is said and done (159)
(Some Guy) Florida Spring breakers go wild with the belly piercings and tattoos now that they are away from their parental units for the first time. "People without tattoos are afraid to show who they are" (300)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 151: “From a Distance." Details and rules in first post. LGT next week's theme (311)

Wed March 26, 2008
LA Times Amusing Britney Spears linked to rise of foreclosures. LEAVE BRITNEY A LOAN (97)
Daily Mail Asinine Couple in U.K. banned from moving back into their mansion after flood damage when a protected species of newt moves in first. It's not newts, it's Fark (79)
BBC Ironic From the not-making-this-up category: Angola hosts beauty pageant where all contestants are land mine victims (147)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Scary Minnesota high school chlorine leak injures, disinfects 37 students (71)
(Some Guy) Florida Woman tells police she was beat by ten men, or maybe five men, or maybe five women. And never mind that she isn't injured (53)
SMH Cool Pilot crashes into mountain, survives overnight, hikes through waist deep snow to safety. In shorts. The Aristocrats (66)
LA Times Asinine Library aide sees man accessing child porn on library computer, informs police. Was she commended? No, she was fired (177)
(some Wikipedia) Photoshop Photoshop this Synchiropus splendidus, AKA Mandarinfish (62)
Daily Mail Obvious Practical jokes stop being funny when you turn 40 (107)
My San Antonio Dumbass Texas principal introduces new education incentive: "Get better test scores, or I'll kill you" (67)
Toronto Star Asinine Taliban: "Sorry we blew-up your cellphone towers. Please come back" (107)
Baltimore Sun Amusing Art student builds "phone booth for talking to God." Nazis try to open it, have faces melted off (83)
News.com.au Amusing Woman evades speeding ticket by claiming someone she's never met on the other side of the world was driving at the time. Brilliant! (53)
NJ.com Dumbass Cross-shaped reflection appears on man's wall. He's still trying to figure out a way to sell it on eBay (with video) (79)
(Crain's Chicago Business) Sad Peaceful protest in Chicago? That's a criminal background check, three references, and no media for you, Citizen (72)
CNN Amusing Parents sue over "Everyone Hates Billy" website. Keep an eye out for the Followup tag about the inevitable school shooting at Billy's school (213)
(Some Guy) Amusing 73-year-old Shriner busted for selling "apple pie" moonshine at temple party (62)
News.com.au Cool Anthropologists discover the oldest human fossil on record, 1.2 million years old. Or at least that's what Satan wants you to think (709)
Metro Dumbass Woman gets into spat with furniture deliverymen who refuse to take off their shoes. Spat turns into tiff, tiff turns into squabble, squabble turns into fracas, and woman pulls a gun on the furniture deliverymen. The Aristocrats (71)
UPI Scary Scientists in Bonn, Germany found that the saying, "The fear made my blood curdle," may literally be true. In other news, scientists in Bonn, Germany are fond of making up ridiculous "sayings" no one has ever said, ever (67)
(Some Guy) Amusing Ceiling cat refuses to come out even as owners cut through drywall in attempt to free it (75)
CNN Unlikely Dr. Pepper will give everyone in America free soda if Axl Rose releases "Chinese Democracy" this year (194)
(The Local.se) Strange Having solved all other problems, Swedish government publishes 15 pages of binding law on how to treat your dogs and cats, including amount of food and exercise, size of living space and quality of air. Steak surprisingly absent. Ah, socialism (67)
Local6 Florida Woman gives birth at auto-parts store, aided by judicious use of microfiber towels, lifting winch and 30-weight motor oil (44)
MSNBC Asinine McDonald's employee screams and runs away from little person. Must have thought he was the Hamburglar (268)
Breitbart.com Followup Italy shuts down 80 cheese farms after finding dangerous levels of dioxin. If you bought cheese products from other farms, go ahead and edam (65)
Sign On San Diego Amusing You can make it look as futuristic as you want, but it's still a farking tricycle (119)
KNBC Followup Three female teachers arrested for having sex with students. Instant teacher-sex trifecta complete (with pics) (276)
Seattle Times Sad Your ability to become a state-sanctioned witch doctor or psychic just came to an end yesterday (58)
The Morning Call Dumbass ♫ He had a tow on his truck, truck, truck ♫ To steal a truck that dumps, dumps, dumps ♫ And a compact car, what, what ♫ I THINK HE'S IN JAIL AGAIN ♫ (52)
Rocky Mountain News Spiffy Denver zoo sets up program to save world's frogs, especially the Lake Titicaca frog. For those that don't know Spanish, "Lake Titicaca" means "Lake Cleveland Steamer" (56)
(Autoblog) Followup BMW of Lincoln Nebraska still withholding penis extension from eBay winner (209)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Man calls technician because his computer is too slow, technician discovers it's because the kiddy porn is blocking all the tubes. Bonus: He's the chief spokesman for the University of Miami football team (241)
(Some Wisconsinite) Amusing Urinating on a bar floor? Check. 86ed from two bars? Check. Threatening to have cops killed with your "Mafia ties"? Big check. We call this Tuesday night in Wisconsin (112)
CBC Amusing Not news: Government stages mock disaster. Fark: Helicopter sent to rescue the survivors inadvertently poisons the survivors (38)
WTAM Dumbass Fast-thinking thief tells police he was hiding in the woods because he "was looking for a salt lick" (54)
Fox News Followup It's that cliched old story: Paddleboat gets girl swan, girl swan dumps him for younger male swan, girl swan comes crawling back to the paddleboat (88)
AP Interesting Shuttle aims for Wednesday night landing, with NASA predicting that at least 90 percent of the craft will end up in Florida (119)
Chicago Sun-Times Amusing Chicago city officials are troubled that new bottled-water tax has generated revenue 40 percent below projections; scratching heads wondering where Chicago citizens are getting their water from (152)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Followup Meet Byron Ng: The dude who exposed private Facebook photos of Paris Hilton and Mark Zuckerberg this week is the same guy who exposed most of the last Harry Potter book last year (113)
BBC Dumbass Drunk man feeds pigeons in back-to-front thong. Jailarity ensues (89)
BBC Interesting Clinton's redefinition of the word "misspeak" likely to enter common usage in the same way as "known unknowns" or "wardrobe malfunction" (548)
Variety Stupid New upscale movie theater chain coming to the U.S. will include bar/lounge, plush seating, 3-D projection, and... oh yeah, $35 tickets (329)
WTOP Amusing Police stop 22-year-old woman for drunk driving: Four clicks. She had a suspended license and weed in the car: 23 clicks. She was bottomless, repeat BOTTOMLESS: 4,794,362,475 clicks (153)
(NBC10 Philly) Amusing Drug-filled rave rents same space as school cafeteria. In other news, people still go to raves (117)
BBC Unlikely With a call for Britain and France to work "hand-in-glove," President Sarkozy begs the question: Who is the hand and who is the glove? (65)
(NY Sun) Interesting We're all sick: Half of Americans are in some way mentally ill, and one-quarter of the population has taken anti-depressants, and that doesn't mean that one time at a rave (380)
Daily Mail Stupid *ring, ring* "YEAH? I'M ON THE PLANE, ISN'T THIS A GREAT CONNECTION? SO HOW'S THAT THING ON YOUR BALLS DOING?" (217)
AP Interesting New Hampshire named most livable state. Submitter has never heard of it either (182)
(Some Guy) Weird German man has logical, reasonable response to seeing a mouse in his living room at 3:00 in the morning: Screams like a girl, flees into the snowy night in only a blanket, slippers and boxers. Bonus: Police hunt the rodent with traffic cones (48)
(Some Guy) Followup Video uncovered of Hillary Clinton dodging sniper and mortar fire in Tuzla (194)
CNN Scary Baby trapped in well. It's about time cable news had something to report on (62)
Yahoo Obvious Larry King voted "least sexy." When reached for comment, King said, "Cheetos give me gas" (63)
(My Fox Philly) Amusing So you don't want to go to school. Do you: A) Pretend to be sick? B) Go to the mall? Or C) Flatten the tires on 40 school buses? (88)
Live Science Interesting Rarely is the question asked, "Is beef jerky safe?" (123)
Houston Chronicle Interesting Bush pardons 15 convicted criminals whose offenses ranged from importation of heroin to knowingly selling migratory bird parts (250)
WFTV Florida Woman stuffs pillow in shirt to fake pregnancy, defrauds adoption agency, jailarity ensues (with mugshot goodness) (139)
Yahoo Weird Russian sheppard sues space agency for one million rubles after a rocket part crashed to Earth and nearly crushed his outhouse. All this story needs is some vodka, a couple of sheep and some really big boots (56)
The Register Interesting British army finally retires the "bugger-off drone." Its replacement, the "Have a nice cup of tea UAV" is scheduled to enter service in two years (34)
Telegraph Amusing Drinkers in the UK try to get the Chancellor banned from every pub in the land for raising drink duty (37)
Metro Scary Man unpacking from vacation: Swim trunks? Check. Socks? Check. Two-foot-long Canebrake rattlesnake? Check (74)
LA Times Cool New global warming movement says adapting to global warming is cheaper than taxing and spending billions to prevent potential problems (409)
Daily Mail Asinine Just a few puffs on a joint was all it took to strip Nicky Taylor of all her capabilities and to induce a terrifying combination of paranoia, fear and anxiety. Won't someone please think of the children? (535)
Local6 Dumbass Man steals car in front of police officers, TV news crew, photographers and anyone else who could document it (with video goodness) (46)
The Smoking Gun Interesting Bombshell L.A. Times story on 1994 ambush of Tupac Shakur was based on forged FBI reports. The Smoking Gun is there (155)
(NY Times) Interesting Like Chevrolets, Pizza Hut and Coors light, punitive damage awards in court cases are uniquely stupid and uniquely American (184)
Chicago Sun-Times Interesting Butler University student asks Chelsea Clinton a question about Monica Lewinsky, gets a mouthful in return (457)
CNN Interesting Fighting with spouse can be good for your health. Men rejoice at the possibility of living until the age of 200 (193)
News.com.au Interesting Qantas airplane makes emergency stop during takeoff at LAX, no word on if Rick Moranis' helmet stayed in its original shape (82)
USA Today Interesting The IRS has debuted its first YouTube video (48)
BBC Spiffy For sale: One fire engine, fitted complete with the things you'd usually expect. Like a champagne bar, smoke machine, interior pole and 1,000 watt sound system (with bonus link to eBay auction and SFW photo of scantily-clad women) (63)
(Some Guy) Followup Spelling bee competitor who was r-u-n-o-f-t by national board will now be allowed to compete (113)
MSNBC Scary Russian bombers are patrolling neutral skies... and apparently the Russian word for "neutral skies" is "Alaska" (247)
(KHQ.com) Followup NY Times get pwned over Rickrolling video (136)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this farmers market (43)
Telegraph Obvious Voters to be allowed to decide how police spend their time. Doughnut shops seen rushing to set up PACs (35)
Newsday Weird "Congratulations on surviving your first shanking, get well soon" (45)
(Bellingham Herald) Ironic Building in process of getting demolished catches fire, saved by firefighters (44)
(Citizen Times) Dumbass Not news: Man assaults cop. Fark: With a crack pipe (13)
IndyStar Asinine A shoddily crafted Indiana law now requires sellers of sexually explicit books and magazines, like National Geographic, to register with the Secretary of State and pay tax. Indiana increases its lead in the running for its very own tag (119)
CNN Photoshop Photoshop this roaring tiger (72)
Houston Chronicle Spiffy The Blount County, Tenn. Sheriff's Office's "new" 1973 VW Beetle cruiser is turning heads (102)
(Voice of America) Cool WHO announces it has wiped out polio in Somalia, and if you don't think that's impressive keep in mind that two of those guys are dead (116)
BBC Amusing You know that feeling when you get something stuck in your Eye? (51)
(WOAI) Scary Pallbearers' Rule No. 1: Don't fall in the grave. Pallbearers' Rule No. 2: If your fellow pallbearer fails to follow Rule No. 1, don't drop the coffin on him (61)
LA Times Hero Rick Astley has been found. Reveals that he supports RickRolling and never gave us up (295)
The Sun Hero How Canadians honour their troops who died fighting in Afghanistan, with thousands of citizens jamming every overpass between CFB Trenton and Toronto as the bodies are taken home. Canadian submitter just got something in his eye (pic) (404)

Tue March 25, 2008
(WDSU) Scary Chef Paul Prudhomme has bullet bounce off him. I shot the chef, but I did not shoot the maître d’ (114)
Sun Sentinel Florida "This is one of the stupid criminals," Sheriff's Office spokesman (60)
(NBC4.com) Scary While waiting for SCOTUS' ruling on the D.C. gun ban, D.C. police while away the time by asking all law-abiding citizens to submit to voluntary searches for firearms. Resistance is futile, citizens (254)
AZCentral Dumbass Man runs 40 yard-dash in women's clothing and high-heels to win Hannah Montana tickets. Which was kind of a shock to the Connecticut Bureau of Prisons, who was paying him workers' comp for being too injured to work (57)
BBC Asinine News: Man refused British citizenship because he was not in the UK on the qualifying date. Fark: He was serving overseas in the British army at the time (57)
Metro Interesting Old and busted: counting sheep to get to sleep. New hotness: counting your cash, the clothes in your closet or the people you've slept with (60)
AP Strange Apparently Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt, and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie…awkward (120)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Five teens try to answer the age old question of "Who wins in a fight: train or 3 foot boulder?" (Bonus: mugshots of the idiots) (119)
(Some Guy) Amusing LOLCats to appear on Jones Soda labels (163)
CNN Scary Homeowners near the Kilauea volcano in Hawaii not leaving despite fiery lava pouring down upon them. "Why would I live here if I didn't like it? I have the best view of anyone in town" (64)
(The Oregonian) Interesting Parachute found in Washington forest may be from the famous DB Cooper hijacking (116)
MSNBC Hero Atlanta bar now has beer taps that patrons can use, at the table. Drew last seen heading South on I-75 (85)
Orlando Sentinel Florida Teacher unable to pass math competency test... for the fifth time. Which is like 90 percent of his tries (137)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine Medicare program funds will be wiped out by 2019, Social Security by 2041. Thank goodness baby boomers are living their dreams while sucking the country dry (260)
(insidebayarea.com) Obvious In a moment of clarity, California realizes that vocational training just might be the right direction for precious snowflakes who aren't quite as bright as the rest (185)
(insidebayarea.com) Interesting Bay Area neighborhood considers going solar-powered. It's a good thing that San Francisco isn't often plagued by heavy blankets of thick moisture and precipitation (63)
BBC Strange Coffins dug up, graveyard damaged. By badgers. No word if mushrooms or snakes were involved (97)
CNN Followup NASA Administrator Michael Griffin said the agency will continue the search for three-boobed women (42)
MSNBC Dumbass Man tragically confuses Easter Island statue for chocolate bunny (61)
(Some Guy) Obvious From the "Too Much Time on Our Hands" Department comes advertising v. reality -- a product comparison project (128)
CNN Asinine Bad: You become brain damaged after a car accident and have to live in a nursing home. Worse: Your son is killed in Iraq. Worser: Wal-Mart sues you for $470,000 (334)
UPI Amusing Qantas flight attendants ask the South African rugby team to give an obnoxious drunk passenger an in-flight etiquette lesson (119)
(insidebayarea.com) Stupid "Students at the University of California, Berkeley, now have a supply of axes, crowbars and flashlights to help in the next big earthquake or fire." What could possibly go wrong? (124)
(Some Guy) Asinine Government refuses to allow old-timey barber shop to provide old-timey service of a free beer with your haircut. Mmm... beer (76)
Daily Mail Sappy Every day is Bunnday for Amy, the world's largest rabbit. With pics that may give you nightmares (177)
(KHQA) Dumbass The lengths men will go to for satellite TV apparently includes using a handgun for a drill, with predictable results (200)
UPI Interesting The UN needs $500 million for food programs because donations from the U.S. are falling, and the agency urgently needs to hold lunch meetings at Le Cirque to decide how to spend the money (433)
Newsday Dumbass Pregnant woman arrested after drinking eight beers, which to her credit is four less than it took to get her pregnant (301)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these Inuit elders experiencing a virtual-reality whalebone (54)
Miami Herald NewsFlash Not to be outdone after a New York crane falls on Miami woman, Miami crane falls on New York man (161)
CNN Amusing Obviously maintaining a higher standard than Fark, CNN links to pro-Obama video because it references CNN. Website narcissism trifecta now in play (71)
WRAL Scary The Easter Bunny expanded his list of hideable items this year. "We tossed it and ran. Then the smell came" (93)
(wbbm780.com) Dumbass Man arrested after trying to rob store before 9:00 a.m., was told only manager could get into locked safe, left his phone number with employees so they could let him know when manager returned. Dumbass tag calls, says hello (187)
Chicago Tribune Dumbass Excuse me, Taiwan? That package of missile parts we sent you... um, could we have that back, please? (89)
DallasNews Dumbass Man robs Jack in the Box full of customers, is totally surprised when police respond quickly and find him under a nearby Dumpster (73)
UPI Stupid Having trouble changing TV channels, preparing cups of tea or need your garbage picked up? Sounds like an emergency (50)
LA Times Interesting A troop increase of 13 percent, paying Sunni insurgents not to attack us and Muqtada Al Sadr's ceasefire. Which of these did the most to decrease violence? We will know a little more soon, because one of them is gone (432)
(The Free Times) Dumbass "FARC is pronounced like FARK, the irreverent news aggregator website I’m hoping will link to this article." Okay, but submitter is giving you a Dumbass tag (193)
Denver Channel Obvious At 8"5', world's tallest man has trouble finding shoes, condoms (281)
(Some Guy) Asinine Some guy manages to get a patent on the old idea of multiple communication streams, and of course this could shut down large swaths of the Internet. Here's to you, Mr. Patent Hander Outer (102)
(Townhall.com) Obvious The intellectual path to atheism in a nutshell: "I rejected Christianity largely because it would not have allowed me to continue getting drunk and high every night while splitting time between four girlfriends" (1892)
CNN Stupid Georgetown has a class on the Harry Potter books and their team *still* can't make the Final Four (92)
Fox News Florida Kids explode babysitting granny (107)
Sports by Brooks Dumbass Boston public transit system buckling thanks to Red Sox broadcast outage: "This morning I took my DirecTV satellite dish and literally threw it off my balcony and onto my car windshield, and now I can't drive my car" (175)
SFGate Obvious Californians, there is a bright side to the high gas prices. The state is raking in billions in sales taxes on it (93)
Boston Globe Followup Boston postpones warrantless searches of houses for guns after hearing community reaction such as "Police are like vampires. They shouldn't be invited into your homes" (184)
(The Local) Amusing "Suspicious pants point police to massive find" (35)
(Some Guy) Caption Caption this photo of President Bush and the huggable Easter Bunny (140)
Daily Mail Asinine Groups representing pretards want to make it illegal for employers to search applicants' Facebook pages prior to hiring them (315)
The Tennessean Interesting Hotel ditches nightstand Bibles in favor of "spiritual menu" from which one may order a Bible, Quran, Book of Mormon or Scientology text. Pasta with meatballs mysteriously absent (159)
Yahoo Cool Stonehenge. Where the demons dwell. Where the the banshees live and they do live well. The Henge. Being built by a man who lives in Perth, he's Australian (71)
CBC Obvious Kentucky Fried Chicken is no longer any of those (213)
Google Photoshop Photoshop Theme: "Glamour Shots" of political and historical figures (85)
SacBee Dumbass Helpful robbery tip: After losing the $100 you got from sticking up a gift shop, console yourself at a bar further away than four blocks (20)
News.com.au Unlikely 27-year-old Sports Illustrated covergirl dating 63-year-old Netscape billionaire says she is attracted to him because of his charisma and intelligence (196)
(WECT-TV) Dumbass Wal-Mart employee, and mugshot HOF nominee, paints his face and holds co-workers hostage (128)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Transgendered man is pregnant. Arnold, Danny DeVito not available for comment (video) (195)
(Some Guy) Sappy "Maple cop" helps maintain the syrup reputation of Vermont. What a sap (64)
News.com.au Scary Congratulations to Alice Springs, Australia -- named the Stabbiest Place on Earth (66)
Seattle Times Strange Shots fired at Tonya Harding's house. Unless she was just a-shootin' at some food (70)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Department of Corrections helicopter makes surprise, unannounced landing in maximum security prison parking lot. What could possibly go wrong? (63)
Guardian.com Obvious British police officers increasingly quitting their jobs and moving to Alberta because even Canadian criminals are extremely polite (61)
CBS Sacramento Unlikely California ready to vote on "passenger bill of rights." Bill would ensure that planes provide snacks, fresh air and "Free Admission Into Mile High Club With Attendant Of Choice" coupon if passengers are stuck on tarmac (62)
Washington Post Cool No way: Two-way car GPS unit transmits traffic data to help other drivers. Don't use during three-ways. Still no help at four-way stops (56)
Daily Mail Obvious Nottingham is the burglary capital of Britain. But that's okay, because they're all taking from the rich to give to the poor (92)
ABC News Amusing "Ladies and gentlemen, the reason you are having trouble hearing me is because the door just fell off of our jet. We hate it when that happens, just like you. Now, who wants a free drink?" (46)
Google Photoshop Iron Photoshop ingredient: Twist ties (23)
Local6 Florida Me and my shadow... BAM BAM BAM (54)
CTV Strange PayPal has abruptly cancelled subscription service to "Going Natural" magazine. I'd pay my pal not to see the picture included in the story ever again. (Not safe for really strict offices) (93)
CBS Salt Lake City Stupid Utah college students play "drinking game" with root beer. Utah tag really needed for this one. Root beer parties trifecta now in play (131)
Canoe Strange Man declared dead but subsequently returns to life and is now feeling "pretty good." If only Abe Vigoda had such luck (70)

Mon March 24, 2008
Daily Mail Interesting Scientists find women are more judgmental in how they assess others based upon their name, so if you are a Jack, James or Ryan you should get out of that basement (222)
STLToday Obvious "America's endemic anti-intellectual tendencies have been grievously exacerbated by a new species of semiconscious anti-rationalism, feeding on and fed by an ignorant popular culture" (599)
(MetroNews) Dumbass Fark's favorite Powerball winner, Jack Whittaker, has hit the lottery again (89)
(Some Guy) Ironic Tropical rainforest under attack by own citizens. Farmers you say? Nope. Tribesmen? Nope. Loggers? Nope. Eco-tourists? Nope. By the animals that live there? Nope. Well the only thing left is the trees. Ding ding ding (35)
ABC Action News Florida If you’re banging your student, it would be wise if you didn’t let his parents see him pull his pants up while getting out of your car (w/ very hittable mugshot) (203)
(Thought Police) Scary Arrested for "being creepy". Bonus: $100,000 bail (257)
SFGate Sad NY Governor (the new one) follows last week's admission that he cheated on his wife by confessing to cocaine and pot use when in his 20s. Next week will announce he raped an underage nun while clubbing baby seals (166)
Daily Mail Sappy Man who won $3m on the lottery goes back to working at McDonald's because he misses his workmates. Judging by his appearance he also missed the food (87)
(Some Guy) Asinine Two students get expelled for a year and a half for touching a BB gun on the bus, and another kicked out of the school system (98)
(Some Guy) Obvious Baby boomers discover they can't afford to retire because they can no longer buy a new SUV when the one they own gets dirty. The world's smallest violin - listen to it play for you (327)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Today's time waster: the world's hardest game. Tag is for your chances of victory (169)
Daily Mail Spiffy Scientists strap camera to elephant's trunk and send it out in the jungle. It comes back with pics you GOTTA see (152)
SacBee Amusing Truck with 20 tons of chocolate stolen from Michigan City. Small orange men with green hair wanted for questioning (40)
Salon Spiffy Think it was Elvis and rock-n-roll that started the counterculture revolution in the 50s? Nope. It was comic books. Those evil, wicked, deviant comic books (63)
(GearCrave) Cool How to buy your own nuclear missile silo (or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb) (68)
CNN Interesting "Barbie bandits" sentenced. Still, the most important question remains: Would you hit it? (154)
NJ.com Hero Grandmother saved from choking on Jell-O by 5-year-old grandson. In other news, it's possible to choke on Jell-O (63)
AFP Spiffy Aged Bacon set to sell for $70 million at auction. Crispy, delicious bacon (113)
Detroit News Asinine An article about an ad agency that shoehorns every douchey cliche there is, replete with the "we're so wacky" photo of creatives wearing paper masks (127)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lonely hiker (56)
(Bloomberg) Obvious Step 1: Countrywide makes money writing risky mortgages. Step 2: Countrywide package and mortgages to investment funds. Step 3: Former Counrywide execs form new company to buy back the mortgages at "fire sale" prices. Step 4: Profit? (78)
Yahoo Followup Colombia: Yeah, we kind of did kill that Ecuadorian guy, Ecuador: I'm breaking your Xbox (63)
Yahoo Interesting Istanbul apparently translates to "Springfield" in English (80)
CNN Unlikely According to the Department of Justice, the XM/Sirius Satellite Radio Merger is okay, because it's not a monopoly. This should open the door for all those other satellite radio companies waiting for the opportunity (401)
MTV Interesting Keanu's "Day the Earth Stood Still" remake ditches anti-nuke message for global warming. "Klaatu barada whoa" (351)
Reason Magazine Hero Black magic debunked by atheist on live TV. In India, the land of shamans and fakirs. Meanwhile, in the U.S., Pat Robertson and the Weather Channel broadcast unchallenged (568)
(wltx.com) Amusing Whooooooo Columbia gives Ric Flair the key to the city. Rowdy Roddy Piper miffed. Complete with Nature Boy Video (103)
CBS News Obvious ABC reports that both Clinton and Obama have embellished their political records, which is important because no politician has ever, EVER done this before (173)
(WGAL) Asinine Just because she set her dad's house on fire doesn't mean Erie, PA's first-ever woman firefighter shouldn't get her job back. In fact, if she doesn't, it's probably a violation of her constitutional rights, lawyer says (173)
(Harrisburg Patriot-News) Stupid Town's historic board engages in 18-month-long debate over renovations to a building. At dispute is a 12-pane door that should be a 10-pane door (49)
Entertainment Weekly Interesting Top 12 movie Jesi (198)
(Ad Age) Obvious Ad Age gives advice to Spitzer's hooker on how to properly whore herself out (134)
SuperDeluxe Video Lucas announces Episodes 7-9 of new Star Wars trilogy will focus on panhandler. Hobo Fett unavailable for comment (270)
(NY Times) Stupid Slow news day: The New York Times discovers the Rickroll (168)
(Bottle Bar) Cool Chicago Fark Party reminder THIS SATURDAY, March 29th. At Bottle Bar. LGT bar, details in thread. Be there, be rad (94)
(Some Honey Dipper) Interesting Idaho town may repeal ban on septic tanks within city limits. This will end wells (48)
Charlotte Hero Man donates $28 million to 27 different colleges. Generally with the stipulation that "Atlas Shrugged" is made required reading (556)
MSNBC Interesting To shed its sedate image, Animal Planet to target "edgier" fare such as tagging along with whale-hugging environmental nutbars and airing shows such as "The Antelope Always Loses" and "Kill, Blood, Kill" (107)
AP Interesting Gilani elected new PM of Pakistan. 9/11 (39)
(KETV) Spiffy Pill-dispensing robot reduces drug mixups at hospital. Unless your last name is Connor (62)
The Consumerist Dumbass Lincoln, Nebraska dealership auctions new BMW on Ebay. Winning bidder lands it for $5K under sticker. Dealership now using popular "I don't know how to use this there intermawebs thing" defense (249)
Daily Mail Hero Politician calls for compulsory sterlization of people on welfare after they've had one child (892)
Daily Herald Silly Old debate over cruel and unusual punishment: The death penalty. New debate over cruel and unusual punishment: Prison food (36)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Tiffany's net income Cut. Colored by a 16 percent fall. But outlook Clarity is brighter. Not that you Carat all (46)
Wall Street Journal Interesting The pay gap between men and women is either due to women's poor negotiating skills, or rampant, systemic discrimination. Who knows? (229)
AJC Amusing Delta's new in-flight safety video featuring red-headed flight attendant will return you to the upright and locked position. With fist-of-angry-god pic goodness (290)
(Pittsburgh Post-Gazette) Dumbass "He didn't know the gun was loaded" and "Alchohol was a factor." Two quotes from a made-for-Fark article (50)
(WXYZ.com) NewsFlash This week's political scandal brought to you by Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. A dark mark on the otherwise spotless image of Detroit (352)
MSNBC Florida "Happy Easter, kid. Here's an invite to a strip club party and the number of good bail bondsman" (38)
Breitbart.com Cool Chihuahua prays at Japanese Zen temple. Where is your dog now? (53)
Yahoo Interesting Mexico is now the second fattest country, after the United States of Baconator (145)
(Some Fanboy) Photoshop Photoshop Challenge: Colorize this queen (41)
SMH Spiffy Ah Easter, which brings us that fine tradition: The San Francisco Hunky Jesus competition (with pic) (130)
Slashdot Interesting Your new highway menace: Radioactive cats (131)
(Some Guy) Scary Canadian nudists win back right to use public wave pool, leaving lifeguards desperately wishing they could unsee a tsunami of pale, dimpled, pendulous flesh (118)
(Green Bay Press Gazette) Weird Cops bust underage root beer kegger. Everyone's doing it wrong (192)
CNN Sad Three thousand, er, 4000 U.S. soldiers have now died in Iraq to avenge the September 11 att -- to search for Weapons of Ma -- to bring democracy to the peop -- 3000, er, 4000 U.S. soldiers have now died in Iraq (1337)
(Some Guy) Florida Eighty-three percent of noise complaints to Tampa International Airport last year came from one man, who spends his days logging the aircraft flying over his house. "Look, I know I sound like a lunatic. But I'm not" (164)
Victorville Daily Press Asinine The War on Twinkies is a failure: Junkfood dealers are the new scourge on campus. “It’s created a little underground economy” (100)
Yahoo Spiffy Some guy and his dog in Alaska find a message in a bottle sent by a Seattle 4th grader in 1986. Man replies. Sender says, "I've been getting a kick out of it" (45)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Ahhh Easter. A perfectly beautiful day to riot at the flea market (25)
News.com.au Scary When swimming in Australia, remember that floating logs don't have eyes. Crocodiles, on the other hand... (42)
The Sun Obvious Proof everything said on Fark.com about the British is true: Here's a couple who won £5 million lottery -- first thing they plan to do is buy new teeth because neither one has any and they can't chew food (pic) (56)
BBC Obvious Actors help doctors with their bedside manner. Well, maybe not Hugh Laurie, but some other actors might help (79)
MSNBC Asinine Man is beaten by cops, tased 11 times and held down on an ant bed... for "leaving the scene of an accident" (112)
(Some Guy) Obvious Tattoos found to be good for your health. Well, maybe not that snake you got on your face, but for other people, yeah (74)
(Some Guy) Dumbass This is why you shouldn't drink an entire box of wine by yourself in a hotel (108)
Fox News Asinine Step 1: Buy fake blood. Step 2: Go to Easter Mass and throw fake blood on people while calling for the end of the war in Iraq. Step 3: Peace (134)
London Times Asinine China calls Dalai Lama a terrorist, Starbucks coffee affordably priced, Vista an excellent, glitch-free operating system (153)
Yahoo Scary Ark. preparing for flood (40)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this rubber soul (40)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Climate change expert says we only have 40 years to go and there's nothing we can do about it. Will give us another 40 years when time runs out (124)
(Some Guy) Dumbass A 14-year-old boy admitted to harassing a neighbor, pilfering cigarette butts from her porch and leaving her poorly written notes like, "... don't cope an atitod with me" (77)
Sun Sentinel Scary Piece of wing flies off plane and smashes into passenger window. Maybe now they'll listen to Shatner (67)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Woman refuses to repay ex $1.5M in divorce settlement, becomes fugitive. Then, even for Florida, things get weird (53)
Canada.com Dumbass Man sets prairie on fire chasing gophers. Investigators claim no golf course for miles (30)
NBC Action News Dumbass "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm, the gunfire you just heard was the pilot trying to figure out how his new gun works while hurtling through the air at 400 miles per hour and 37,000 feet. Thank you" (185)

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