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Sun March 30, 2008
(Some Guy) Strange Sure winner for "most confused story ever": Elle MacPherson, the death of the Queen Mother, the history of the London marathon with bonusly random lingerie headline (16)
ESPN Cool Kansas wins sending all four #1 seeds to the Final Four, ensuring the win for Peggy from accounting (85)
(Times Herald Record) Stupid Today's girl-on-girl brawl with shower head stuffed into a sock is brought to you by Ellenville, NY (56)
(Gimundo) Cool A Japanese dog waited for his owner for 10 years. Meanwhile, your cat just ditched you for the neighbors because they buy name-brand food (152)
London Times Interesting Putin, having solved the rest of the world's problems, has proposed an underwater tunnel linking Russia to Alaska (114)
(Some Believing Guy) Cool Now that's a streetlight (157)
(Autoblog) Sad GTX and 'Cuda designer John Herlitz dead at 65. Chrysler already discussing plans to revive him as a compact in another fifteen years (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting The world's hardest easy geometry problem? Can you figure it out? Maffs is hard (195)
Mercury News Hero 84-year-old former Marine beats the snot out of teenage robber, finally gets around to calling cops after he gets home, puts groceries away, tends to his immaculate lawn (155)
Reuters Cool Latest medical research may result in longer lives for alcoholic rats (30)
(Some Gals) Photoshop Photoshop this dance duo (36)
Reuters PSA Followers of Religion of Peace™ now outnumber Religion of Pedophilia™ (192)
Chicago Tribune Unlikely What is it, Mayor? / A very big cat? / Loose in North Chicago / How 'bout that? / It could be lost in the trees/ Or on the ground / Folks, get your snowflakes inside / Before it gobbles you down (24)
Fox News PSA Study finds cell phones may be more deadly than cigarettes. No word yet on why people are smoking cell phones (61)
BBC Hero Soldier hurls himself onto grenade to save the rest of his patrol, survives with just a bloody nose (196)
Daily Mail Asinine Parents increasingly giving their crotchfruit names inspired by text message spellings. O RLY? (340)
(Some Guy) Unlikely Chinese hope ugly-ass baby panda cubs will soften its international image when Olympics are held (pics, video) (22)
KNBC PSA Man mistakes bathroom graffitti for bomb threat, LAX terminal evacuated (56)
News.com.au Weird Silicon implants augment little men, but not where you might think (61)
Seattle Times Asinine Newly rich, who moved into lakeside community renowned for water-based aviation, now complaining about neighbor's helicopter (75)
Seattle Times Amusing UFO researcher moves into abandoned missile silo, almost ready to withstand the invasion (with "I want to believe" pic) (38)
Daily Mail Interesting The inspirational career story of the woman who went from store detective to head of security at Heathrow airport in just six years. Clearly, this is unrelated to the fact she moved in with the managing director of the airport last year (60)
The Sun Interesting Blind woman archer splits one arrow with another, raising the question, who the hell gave her a bow and arrow in the first place? (90)
Canada.com Obvious Canada found to be one of the most valuable brands in the world: "People trust Canadians, no matter whom you ask, no matter where" (200)
Telegraph Interesting The 101 most useful web sites (113)
ABC News Stupid ABC News wins the Chicken Little Award for Panic Reporting by being the first network to breathlessly ask, "Are We Heading Into a Depression?" (206)
The Register Obvious Biometrics are great, so long as no one else knows your biometry. A lesson recently learned by the German interior minister after hackers published his fingerprint (80)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this swirly art (48)
BBC Amusing "Whenever I see a picture of Tony Blair I instantly get the taste of desiccated coconut. George Bush gives me a taste similar to the crusty potato bit on top of a cottage pie" (72)
(Palm Beach Post) Florida Florida considering more specialty license plates. Popular new proposals include "Survived Fast-Food Shootout", "Astronaut Road Trip", and "Banged My Teacher" (51)
Washington Post Dumbass If you from bridges at cars would shoot / Take a lesson, be astute / Driving rare Gremlins will get you nailed / Drive an Accord and stay out of jail (39)
(Kten, OKC) Stupid Firefighters injured by motorcycle in living room -- while fighting fire caused by keeping pets warm on porch. Condition of motorcycle undisclosed (21)
(The usual gang of idiots) Cool A retrospective of Al Jaffee's MAD fold-ins, with interactive flash goodness (89)
(Florida Today) Florida Old and busted: farmers markets. New hotness: Free range demolition derby (14)
Yahoo Sad Journalist Dith Pran has finally joined the Killing Field (83)
AP Followup God may move in mysterious ways, but social services doesn't - three remaining children of couple who tried to pray their daughter healthy (and failed) are removed from their home (251)
The Scotsman Obvious Students debate if they should be allowed to have sex with their teachers. Apparently some parents have a problem with this (47)
Independent Unlikely Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? Can you cure me now? (26)
SFGate Interesting San Francisco city workers are raking in so much tax payer money working overtime a part time on-call nurse makes more than the mayor (112)
My San Antonio Ironic University's plagiarism honor code found to be plagiarized (79)
Guardian.com Unlikely University students in the UK say they are forced, FORCED, to drink alcohol (33)
Contact Music Scary Angelina Jolie has gestational diabetes. Wilford Brimley jumps into action (109)
(lasvegasnow.com) Ironic Las Vegas city elders want under-18 dance club shutdown because it "seriously effect(s) [sic] the social and moral well being of the city" (53)
WFTV Florida Wealthy individual erects billboard which declares "All religions are fairy tales." Hilarity ensues (342)
SMH Asinine Apparently Scene is the new Emo, just with a different shade of black eyeliner (w/pic of 13-year old Australian Scenegirls goodness) (483)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Interesting Hospitals trying a new strategy when they fark up: saying they're sorry (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his weather-ma-jimmy (45)
Newsweek Interesting Some Democrats hoping to sacrifice the people of New York to save the presidency (119)
Daily Mail Sappy Queen Elizabeth finds yet another excuse to postpone her annual wifely duties (69)
NCBuy Sappy Reverend Jerry Falwell's widow writes book about her husband, though it's unlikely they'll use the original title, "I'm Dead, So Fark Larry Flynt In The Ear For Me" (143)
MSNBC Scary Owner of wildlife sanctuary mauled by dirty rotten cheetahs (35)
News.com.au Amusing Doomsday cult members find themselves having to take up a new hobby when the world doesn't end (81)
AP Scary Muqtada al-Sadr gives first interview since May of 2007. Says that he is in control of the Mahdi army, the American occupation is worse than Saddam and that liberation of Iraq is their goal. I guess the truce is off (184)
(Deseret News) Interesting Mormon becomes Utah's grand master Freemason, creating a black hole of secret society confluence that threatens to suck the state into a parallel, even more secretive and clannish dimension (114)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Police report to house on a possible OD, find a man who locks himself in the bathroom comes out with a meat cleaver and invites the officers to shoot him. Jailarity and pepper spray ensue (26)
Guardian.com Interesting Japanese women aren't having enough sex. Submitter volunteers to help (250)

Sat March 29, 2008
(Some Guy) Strange Flagstaff, AZ solution to its housing crisis: build really really small homes (800 sf) so that people will spend all of their time outdoors (115)
Globe and Mail Asinine Canada considers raising its drinking age to 21 (171)
(Some Guy) Stupid Police called to investigate "assault" charge because substitute teacher touched student with "tip of finger" to forehead (204)
CBS San Francisco Followup TSA Changes Procedures After Nipple Ring Flap: "The last time that I checked a nipple was not a dangerous weapon." (124)
Yahoo Stupid Katrina victims may have to return thousands of dollars because some victims were overpaid. That'll really help the rebuilding process (114)
Local6 Florida No matter how badly you want some shish kabobs, you probably shouldn't be near an outdoor grill if you have an oxygen tank (64)
BBC Amusing Three days after opening there are now 15,000 bags stranded at Heathrow's new terminal (51)
Orlando Sentinel Followup "My precious little snowbeast doesn't know it's wrong to punch the police, she doesn't know what's going on," says mother of Godzilla-sized 11 year old taser "victim" (263)
(South Bend Tribune) Dumbass Parents of the year busted after 4 year old son caught with bag of pot at day care (45)
AP Stupid "People ain't gonna go to church because all they're gonna do is go to the liquor store. Instead of getting up to praise the Lord, all they're gonna do is go to the liquor store. Drinking times three." (139)
My Fox Milwaukee Unlikely Milwaukee man identifies the anonymous dead without a team of wisecracking scientists or a hologram generating supercomputer (38)
Reuters Stupid Stressed out? German vicar helps parishioners relax by letting them lie in an open grave. Because there's nothing as calming as death (43)
FARK Cool Reminder: NYC April Fool's Fark Party, Tuesday @ around 6 pm. LGT previous thread, DIT after FP, I before E except after STFU (25)
Telegraph Interesting Murder Map of London released so you can know where your best chances of getting offed by a hoodie wearer is. With link to Google maps in the article so you can get directions (167)
ABC News Obvious Interest in hunting and fishing dropping among Americans, who are finding other things to do than inflict pain and death on nature's beautiful, innocent creatures (479)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Wikipedia hits 10,000,000 articles. [citation needed] (125)
TBO Florida School confiscates girl's crutches because she didn't have a doctor's note (195)
Google Photoshop Photoshop theme: Ice cream flavors rejected by Ben and Jerry (85)
This Is Local London Cool 22 year old hottie inherits much of her grandfathers £650m porn business (143)
BBC Unlikely Younger men who read so-called "lads mags" could be psychologically harmed by the images of perfect male physiques they contain (148)
The Newspaper PSA Western Australia drivers have a weekend of freedom because the state's speed cameras are in the shop having their clocks reset for the end of daylight savings time (12)
(Tallahassee.com) Florida What's better on a Saturday afternoon than a nice prostitution sting? Can it be hookurday now? (w/ pics) (52)
Canada.com Interesting Top 50 things to do in Canada this summer. 'Submitter's mom' strangely absent from list (89)
Lancashire Evening Post Asinine "Listen, we know your daughter is dead but she still owes us $1500 in rent. Now are you going to pay or do we have to take you to court?" (130)
BBC Ironic After cheating death in a paragliding accident, man's follow up X-ray reveals he has terminal cancer (53)
(Some Guy) PSA "Sandcastles don't kill people, people that don't flatten their sandcastles kill people." (53)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Pizza flavored beer. Finally (63)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Cletus, hold my beer. With already-been-hit pic screaming to be shopped (150)
The Tennessean Dumbass Man leads cops on wild 5mph chase which ends dramatically when cops walk up to car and take the keys out of the ignition (22)
SacBee Asinine Evidently filming fully clothed cheerleaders during a public performance is a felony (466)
Guardian.com Interesting German theatre is to stage the world premiere of the controversial Salman Rushdie novel "The Satanic Verses". Doors open at 8. Fire brigade and police due at 5 past (40)
(Some Guy) Cool Teacher Pippi Longstocking, 26, arrested for having sex with student. But at least it was off campus. (Of course there's a mug shot.) (100)
(KOIN) Amusing If you left an entire suit of armor at the bus stop, the Keizer Police Department would like to have a word with you (w/pic) (33)
(Some Guy) Stupid President Andrew Jackson's pursed lips on the hideous new $1 coin. This is why he whacked potential assassins with his walking stick (186)
The Scotsman Strange Clò Bhrèanais a' reic ri fìor mhullach a' mhargaidh. It's not news, hell if I know what it is (112)
(N & O) Obvious The reason it's called an "education lottery" is because you need to be lacking an education to play it (99)
(St. George, UT) Strange Man starts fire in middle of the street. Reason? He's starting a movement for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen and Toby Keith. God Bless America (33)
(Some Guy) Followup You made them put the padlock THROUGH the trigger guard? Breaking news: the TSA is made up of complete idiots who would prefer a plane falls from the sky than have pilots carry guns on duty (153)
The Sun Amusing UK government jobcentres are running adverts for sex chat-line workers and pole dancers. The Sun is there with one of the ads (22)
(some blagger) Photoshop Photoshop this tough little guy getting a shot (73)
(Some Guy) Florida Florida reeling as population growth ends. "The state has not experienced a decline of this magnitude since the mid '70s, when we were in a national recession." Ex-governor Skink tips hat to Drew (63)
Baltimore Sun Weird Victim uses fake handgun to rob would-be mugger of his shotgun, forces him to take off all his clothes. Then things get weird (46)
Houston Chronicle Cool World Cat Congress is now in session. Mr. Speaker, I move that today shall be Caturday (461)
SFGate Asinine Tiger attack victim arrested for shoplifting. His lawyer claims the two Nintendo controllers were not in proper packaging, attacked his client and jumped inside his pants (62)
AZCentral Strange Mexican restaurant streamlines menu, eliminates tacos from their repertoire. Slow newsday-larity ensues (31)
(KXII) Strange Texas farmer doesn't "even notice at first" anything unusual about his new ugly-ass baby cow. Fark: Ugly-ass two-headed baby cow (w/video of bovine "Ricky" and "Bobby") (32)
(Bismarck Tribune) Dumbass Today's "white kids in blackface perform a skit about Barack Obama getting a lapdance" brought to you by North Dakota (223)
The Sun Sad "Wear I going if my school shuting?" Meet your new 'Get a brain, morans' meme (pic) (151)
Yahoo Unlikely Every time you copy software a terrorist gets a gun (113)
USA Today Asinine Starbucks baristas, remember that court ruling saying that supervisors have to share tips with you? Well, Starbucks is going to ignore that ruling. Now, go make a venti triple latte (218)
The Smoking Gun Interesting The TSG Mugshot lineup: 51% Blackface 49% Grillz (160)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this walking machine (46)
(Some Guy) Stupid (c)(r)(a)(p) (t)(a)(t)(s) (293)
London Times Dumbass London banker jailed for dazzling helicopter pilot with 5 million candlepower light, despite his defense that he was only using it to discourage CHUDS, morlocks and nocturnal albino mutants (42)

Fri March 28, 2008
London Times Unlikely With nothing more important to cover, the media seize upon the story of the year: Beards are back (174)
Telegraph Strange Revenge of the Sith comes to a Welsh suburban garden, as Dai Vader assaults founder of the Jedi Church, who is as clumsy as he is stupid, apparently (46)
This Is Local London Interesting Man declares war on neighbors, slashing their car's tires 15 times, after they complained about his snoring (31)
Washington Post Obvious Washington Post: "Just because something has appeared in a newspaper does not mean that is entirely accurate" (48)
Washington Post Interesting Net Neutrality's Quiet Crusader.. The Battle is on for Net Freedom. Save the free boobies (44)
MSNBC Interesting If this isn't a slow news day headline for the home page on a major news website, no telling what is: "Farmers consider how much corn to plant" (35)
(Some Guy) Cool Women in Copenhagen allowed to go bare-chested in public pools the same as men (w/ SFW pic that will have you really wishing it wasn't) (197)
ABC News Followup Independent filmmaker and professional attention getter learns that despite catering to the lowest common denominator and leveling numerous ad hominem attacks at a world religion, nobody really seems to care what he thinks (148)
Denver Channel Dumbass Slapping your fellow deputy on the butt? That's a suspendin' (40)
Daily Mail Weird Bizarre ball of twisted metal space junk falls from the sky into farmer's backyard(w/pic) (116)
(Some Tweaker) Dumbass If you are going to steal power cable, don't wrap your entire truck with it (with full of fail pic) (50)
(nbc17) Amusing Wanted: Land developer who has never seen 'Poltergeist' (44)
Chicago Sun-Times Asinine Ah, Chicago politics. High-ranking city employee acquitted of shoplifting $130 in groceries after prosecutors "failed" to play surveillance video. Worker may get her $80k/year "corruption-fighting" job back (78)
Washington Post Followup It turns out that Hillary's sniper-dodging Bosnian airport landing actually DID happen- to Senator Olympia Snowe, 6 months earlier (163)
BBC Followup UN Secretary General issues strongly worded letter condemning Dutch anti-Islamic film because it might upset Islamics and they might chop some more people's heads off (271)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Create something interesting with these knives (52)
News.com.au Amusing Australian reporter wants to know if there can actually be such a thing as a funny death. Come up with some ideas for him. VE for the funniest (314)
WTAM Amusing "You will give me all your money...and then quack like a duck." (52)
Komo Dumbass Seahawks fan cooks burger for Steelers fan spits in it, ends up charging missing most of the burger and loses anyway (504)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Asinine 3M agrees to pay $700,000 settlement to Fresno County because it advertised that Scotch tape was 1" wide when it was actually .94" (317)
SMH Interesting Cool: California couple plans fundraiser to support the recovery of an Australian man who was thrown into a fire pit. Awkward: the fundraiser is a barbeque (50)
(Some Guy) Followup President Bush - who once employed Jose Canseco and Juan Gonzalez on the Rangers - no longer has to throw opening pitch to Mitchell Report star (33)
CBS Salt Lake City Followup Another coal mine shut down in Utah due to unexpected dangers. Soon, the state economy will rely on manufacturing plants that make Mormon underwear (66)
Newsday Interesting Official to call for Long Island statehood. New state would be funded by taxes on lacrosse equipment and hair gel (242)
Wall Street Journal Dumbass Pfizer VP arrested for downloading child pr0n on his work computer, will now be part of clinical trial on Viagra use vs placebo in a confined setting (72)
Orlando Sentinel Florida WWE banner for Wrestlemania shows wrestlers with missing nipples. Pink Floyd unavailable for comment (112)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Dumbass Blast from the past: Bubble 1.0 winner Mark Cuban waxes philosophical about not having cashed out at the precise, exact top (55)
Local6 Amusing Two kittens get a jump on Caturday by chasing a 200-lb. bear up a tree (168)
First Coast News Amusing Man caught having sex with a picnic table (with mugshot goodness) (424)
Canada.com Dumbass Criminal masterminds of the year spend 40 minutes getting their picture taken and then run off without paying the bill (48)
Canada.com Scary One person injured by woman with extra-long hummer (49)
CNN Amusing Whack a monk. Tank standoff. Synchronized sterilization (68)
(Bottle Bar) Cool Last Reminder: Chicago Fark Party is happening TOMORROW NIGHT, March 29th. At Bottle Bar. LGT bar, details in thread. Be there or wish you were (75)
(Silicon Alley Insider) Interesting Mainstream media journalists finally cop to their dependence on blogs (36)
(Some Fail) Dumbass Not news: Man tries to rob store, fails. News: Tries to rob another store, fails again. Fark: Leads police on a low speed chase before fleeing on foot and jumping in a swamp (17)
Telegraph Scary Gigantic stash of East German Stasi porn discovered, mainly featuring women who looked like Ray Nitschke. No pics, thankfully (98)
Fox News Stupid Teen's underwear dance at McDonald's leads to robbery, assault, horny Fry Guys (54)
(KTKA) Amusing 17-year old student bangs his 31-year old teacher, who is apparently descended from a giraffe (with longneck picture goodness) (366)
SFGate Dumbass Man plays chicken with oncoming train, wins. Wait, what? (53)
Canada.com Spiffy City of Edmonton spends $1.2 million a year to ensure residents can enjoy bacon for breakfast (61)
(Some Guy) Weird Man goes out drinking, ends up really trashed (45)
KnoxNews Amusing Slump in housing market leads to alternate methods of selling. Such as holding an essay contest to win a home (42)
Houston Chronicle Hero "Aprendan español, o vayan a cárcel" dice juez (394)
Daily Herald Stupid Illinois to pay $139 million to improve safety at highway rail crossings. In other news, it will cost $139 million to tell people to STOP TRYING TO BEAT TRAINS? (141)
Yahoo Spiffy Fidel Castro regime: No cellphones for you. Raul Castro regime: Cellphones for everybody. Viva la Revolución (128)
BBC Dumbass Kids using Bebo to organise picnics and museum outings. Not really, they're organising gang fights (70)
Cleveland Amusing Five, FIVE awesome mugshots of 'precious metals' thieves...Au, Au, Au (166)
TBO Florida We've replaced this regular crime victim with a martial arts expert. Let's see if these three muggers notice (201)
Newsday Amusing Teacher-student sex is filthy and wrong even if the student consents, says an expert on sexual abuse in schools, the appropriately-named Ms. Shakeshaft (108)
(Sportsnetwork) Spiffy The official NCAA tournament thread - Sweet 16 edition day two (400)
AP Scary Supermarket faces stampede after bread goes on sale at just $7 million a loaf (160)
Reuters Unlikely China will not punish a group of Tibetan monks for disrupting a government-organized foreign media tour. Definitely won't take them out back by the bins for a kicking, honestly (33)
The Sun Amusing Armed police swooped on an old folks’ home to arrest a pensioner in a cowboy hat brandishing a plastic pistol (39)
AP Followup Following allegations that he was supplying useless 50 year-old bullets from illegal sources; DOD suspends its $300 million munitions contract with 23 year-old. But not to worry, the suspension is only temporary (132)
(nbc5i)