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Sun March 23, 2008
| (Some Guy) |  |
Obese kids now being taken away from their families and given to social services to raise. Because it's all about the well-being of the children | (11) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Founder of Popeye's Chicken dies, will go to fast food heaven and chauffeur Colonel Sanders and Dave Thomas around | (57) |
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Why gorgeous women are happiest with average-looking guys | (287) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Instead of focusing on social studies, substitute teacher fields sixth-graders' questions questions about masturbation, condoms and different shades of pubic hair | (81) |
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Diesel is now more than $4/gallon. Don't cut off that truck driver, he's already pretty cranky | (118) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Pregnant sheep stabbed by gang, say police, who admit they have mutton to go on | (37) |
| (Daily Yomiuri) |  |
Japanese uniform maker develops slash-resistant T-shirts for convenience store clerks worried about knife attacks | (47) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Great White shark released six weeks ago in Monterey has already cleared 1200 miles on trip to Mexico, with hilarious "I'm a shark" pic (source Farked, LGT thread; article pasted in first post, pic in second) | (127) |
| (Medford Mail Tribune) | |
Man's home ransacked as a result of Craigslist prank. "They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true" | (103) |
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Pack the coolers, the steaks are almost done in Arkansas | (58) |
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Not news: Cop downs 18 beers. News: Before going on duty. Fark: To conduct driver alcohol checks | (57) |
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47 people audition the hard way for Deadliest Catch | (63) |
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Instead of tearing down a house, county council members want to house a 14-member homeless family there. Too bad local residents had to fark it all up with their biatchery | (301) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this oblivious old man | (65) |
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Sex offender running for mayor of Texas town hopes voters can overlook his past... such as trying to hook up with a 15-year-old over the internet | (88) |
| (NY Times) | |
Large national retailers are quietly allowing customers to bargain on everything from clothes to electronics. "A lot of people don't realize you can walk into Best Buy and ask them for a lower price." | (224) |
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Mock samurai sword fight at martial arts dojo sends man to hospital. There can be only one punctured lung | (35) |
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Method #1,243 for getting kicked off a jury - get caught smoking pot in court | (95) |
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"King of Tort" lawyer who squeezed billions out of tobacco and asbestos industries will soon be known as "Queen of Tart" for trying to bribe judge | (95) |
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Vodak apparently has other uses. Is there anything it can't do? | (191) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Considering becoming a Fark headline in the near future? Read this first | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A day in the life of a Jersey judge: Showing up at work drunk (where he presided over DUI cases), causing a disturbance at a topless bar, calling up the police chief to drive his drunk ass home and being a Jersey judge | (77) |
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AP claims that truckers are slowing down to save fuel. Apparently this isn't happening on any of the highways subby has to drive on | (218) |
| (Let me show it to you) | |
Photoshop this classic Pokemon | (54) |
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Home bipolar disorder test causes stirs, which is really great no it's not it sucks monkey balls but the drugstore is SO much fun to to visit, woo hoo, oh blow it out your | (227) |
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Hey, sorry about letting you out of jail a year early. You don't mind coming back and serving the last year do you? Great... we are terribly sorry about the confusion | (84) |
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Off the beaten path: backroads breweries | (62) |
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There are many ways to celebrate Easter, but Peep jousting's got nothing on this | (87) |
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Kansas museum unveils foul weather exhibit, which consists of an open window, an umbrella, and a DVD copy of "Twister" | (40) |
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Shrinks say sex with their patients is an "occupational hazard" they just have to deal with | (99) |
| (The Great White North) | |
Global Warming forgets about Michigan. Again | (373) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Easter Bunnday is the holiest of all Bunndays as we worship chocolate and bunnies and chocolate bunnies | (230) |
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Four webcams and a funeral; farewell services come to the Internet, for those who live too far or can't find a thing to wear | (21) |
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Man: "I've got a party in my pants and you're ALL invited" Police: "Party's over" | (37) |
| (Someone feels stupid now) | |
Tech news from 1995: 'Sorry guys, but this Internet thingie is never gonna take off.' | (252) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
What recent scientific discovery gives you hope for the future? What device from SciFi would change the world overnight? | (307) |
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60s radical laments today's youth's lack of revolutionary zeal, fondness for soap | (746) |
| (Charleston Daily Mail) | |
Drunk guy's arrest leads to additional charge of peanut crack possession | (24) |
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Residents of the Falkland Islands hope to become the falking richest people in the falking world because they discovered a bunch of falking oil | (76) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"I’m half bulimic ... I eat a lot but don’t throw up," British Trade Minister tells an audience of Arab businessmen and diplomats before reminding them to try the veal | (42) |
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Regional spelling bee champion finds herself S-C-R-E-W-E-D after her school fails to register with national spelling bee organizing body | (55) |
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British nurses told to address patients in more formal, correct manner, as in: "Mr. Smith, I've come to shave your willy." | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this doorman | (65) |
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If at first you don't succeed | (63) |
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Despite death threats from Hamas, prominent Italian Muslim converts and is baptized by the Pope. This should end well. Really - after all, he is going to heaven | (253) |
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New mothers in America demanding "push presents" including diamonds and expensive trips after giving birth | (343) |
Sat March 22, 2008
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You're going to need a lot more therapy if your mom starts stabbing you during court-ordered therapy (w/ crazy mom mugshot) | (117) |
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Onions force plane landing, makes "no fly" list. Maybe next time they will take a leek | (76) |
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Ten artificial beaches have been created in Mexico City. I got 99 problems but a beach ain't one | (71) |
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This years Easter story of 57 rabbits being removed from someone's home brought to you by. Wait for it.... Wait for it.... Egg Harbor Twp | (62) |
| (CourierPostOnline) | |
Man tries to sell cemetery markers he stole from veterans' gravesites to a recycling firm; real name + license plate + fine police work = arrest | (32) |
| (News 8) | |
An 81-year-old woman ends up parked on power lines after she stepped on the gas instead of the brake. Oh, that old excuse again. (with video) | (77) |
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Video of Hillary's dangerous entry to Bosnia as she escapes sniper bullets. Apparently, the 8-year old reading her poetry on the tarmac failed to notice the hail of gunfire | (524) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: Driver blames speeding on poorly dunked Oreo | (51) |
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Man keeps gun in oven, apparently doesn't warn anyone who might use stove for cooking. What could possibly go wrong? | (83) |
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Right on deadline, White House tells judge that they accidentally destroyed the hard drives he was going to let Congress search for the the missing emails the WH accidentally deleted, and accidentally overwrote on the back up tapes | (437) |
| (Some Mr. Ed) | |
Man rides horse into hospital. "The man appeared intoxicated at the time" Whoa, alcohol could possibly be involved? | (47) |
| (Vagabondish) | |
Japan finally opens language school to help people learn to speak fluent . . . cosplay? | (127) |
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Residents defy city council and chop down 20 trees to improve their view. City council ensures they have a lovely view of some old Chinese shipping containers | (188) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this laundromat | (63) |
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It's that time of year again for a major news publication to repost the same article from last year that states the obvious. Easter candy isn't good for you | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman decides to do a nice thing and pick up her friend at the Comfort Inn. Also decides to get drunk first, mistakes the County Sheriff's Work Release center for the motel | (17) |
| (Denton Record-Chronicle) |  |
Maybe the store employees were being jerks for not taking back an item without a receipt, but really, threatening to kill them is a bit over the top. And it sets a bad example in front of the kids | (79) |
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Because there aren't enough garden-implement related crime stories: "Man robbed at shovel-point" | (41) |
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Some guys will falsely claim military service in a bar to seem cool and enhance their penis size. This guy took it to a whole new level | (288) |
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As if speeding down roads throwing cans out the window while mooning other drivers weren't enough of a warning, NJ to require cars with teens behind the wheel to be marked with a sticker or decal | (127) |
| (amer coin op) | |
Fed-Ex driver gets caught on laundromat camera putting Ding Dongs in dryers. Chester Cheetah unavailable for comment | (99) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Eleven interesting uses of eggs in advertising | (34) |
| (Daily Camera) | |
Hundreds of drivers may get their speeding tickets refunded because the speed camera van was illegally parked | (44) |
| (Pew Pew Pew Research) | |
Only one in four 'net users believe that photos of themselves are online. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight | (253) |
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Man arrested for scamming Disney World guests. Surprisingly, it wasn't the CEO | (45) |
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Today's fear-mongering news story: All-you-can-eat baseball seats: Are they safe? | (47) |
| (The Day) | |
In a sign of the current economy, it is acceptable for 50-year olds to move back in with their parents | (146) |
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Grandmother chases after KFC robber in her car and physically stops him from getting away: "You're messing with one of my favorite places" | (64) |
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A third of patients on transplant list are not eligible. But then again, why would you date someone who needs a transplant? | (54) |
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Peeps are peeps so why should it be / You should be so soft and sweet and marshmallowy | (62) |
| (KRIS) | |
Legal battle ensues over construction of wind farm due to claims turbines will spoil water supplies, kill birds, attract tornadoes | (135) |
| (Pablo) | |
If you purchased a signed Picasso print off eBay, there is a slight chance it may just be a fake | (29) |
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Massachusetts is looking for new words to describe failing schools without hurting administrators' feelings. Voting enabled for better suggestions | (208) |
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Bicyclists were twice as likely as drivers to be at fault in collisions. Bike advocates say these statistics are skewed since their side of the story is usually unconscious and being hauled away on a stretcher | (446) |
| (Some Country's Father) | |
Extreme Photoshop: Complete this very famous portrait | (101) |
| (Daily Mirror) | |
Winning a £5.3million lottery is all fun until the press figures out you have been married to your sister for 25 years. Awkward | (65) |
| (Yomiuri.co.jp) | |
Japan sees increase in "cat cafes" which allow customers, who aren't allowed pets at home, to schedule some play time with cats. Reservations are encouraged. Especially on Caturdays | (564) |
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Owner of Hamburg's oldest brothel decides to close shop, legs | (39) |
| (The Michigan Daily) | |
A woman straddling a hamburger? One business owner's dream, but an activist group's nightmare (w/pic of sign) | (234) |
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Private school must dismantle $50,000 fence because "neighborhood residents saw the fence as exclusionary." Really, a private school is exclusionary? Get out of town | (46) |
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The happiest place on Earth, unless you get beatdown by a lady who thinks you cut into the Mad Tea Cups line | (31) |
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Iraq war veteran banned from joining British police force because has "England" tattooed on his forearm. "I don’t understand how it can cause offence. It is our country, after all" (pic) | (97) |
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Erin Go Bleaaaargh This week's Mugshot Roundup: a couple hotties, a Kewpie doll, and reason #38 not to pass out in front of Sharpie-wielding friends | (179) |
| (LasVegasNOW.com) | |
Not news: Man puts house up for sale. News: Man lists house on eBay...adds perks. FARK: Hot model/roommate's included in price | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this baby face | (52) |
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Another day, another naked guy getting Tased in Fark's favorite state | (25) |
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$45,000 found hidden in foot massager. Jules still recovering | (21) |
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School board to hold emergency meeting to find ways to keep so many teachers from having sex with their students. Any suggestions? (Voting enabled) | (267) |
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Police in Britain reduce road accidents by parking speed camera vans by side of the road and then falling asleep, a clever trick they learned from Comcast | (22) |
Fri March 21, 2008
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Interior designer killed by falling statue in his home, wishes he would have went with the water fountain instead | (53) |
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Smoking named 'the most offensive thing you can do in someone else's house', narrowly edging out "their wife" | (112) |
| (Modesto Bee) | |
Man pulls into driveway to look at map, failed to notice he had parked on railroad tracks, failed to notice the oncoming train, failed | (68) |
| (Newstalk 92.3 KTAR) | |
Idiot kids go on skateboard rampage, film it, post it on the web, then wonder how they got caught | (142) |
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Photoshop theme: Turn the presidential contenders into superheroes or villains. Difficulty: Must be a new character | (106) |
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Milwaukee teacher arrested for “grinding her pubic mound” against 14-year-old boy. With mug shot of alleged grinder | (435) |
| (insidebayarea.com) | |
Proposed bill to allow expectant California mothers "temporarily disabled" parking passes being met with heavy opposition from gynecologists who say that pregnant women need to exercise more anyway | (113) |
| (Belfast Telegraph) | |
Woman orders five foot chocolate Easter egg from Italy, what could possibly go wrong? Humpty Dumpty unavailable for comment | (35) |
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Any frat boy can trash a hotel room during spring break. It takes a special kind of asshat to dynamite the room's balcony | (136) |
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Even as 911 dispatchers party with booze and pose for pictures with a ball gag, all of the 952 calls they received that night were dealt with in a timely fashion | (59) |
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Women assaulted with knife and squeegee. Victims said to be OK with superficial wounds and some minor streaking | (27) |
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San Francisco's 68 crime cameras are not capturing or deterring many crimes, but they are succeeding in moving them slightly out of frame just down the street | (42) |
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Scientists ask beachgoers to track crabs. Everybody immediately points in the direction of Lindsay Lohan's house | (37) |
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Woman may have to return 1965 Ford Mustang coupe she has been restoring since her dad bought it for her 38 years ago because it was stolen | (147) |
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To foil robbers, Vancouver banks ask customers to doff their wigs, turbans, and "Jackie Onassis" sunglasses so CCTV cameras can more clearly identify them | (37) |
| (Times Leader) | |
Old and busted: Selling drugs at a bar. New and improved: Telling the bar to pay you so you don't sell drugs there | (31) |
| (Only In Wisconsin) | |
Bring your tractor to school day (with lots of pic goodness) | (88) |
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Town near Phoenix claims when it approved blueprints for a Western-theme restaurant with an outdoor stage, they assumed it would be used for mimes or poetry readings | (86) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Four cavers lost in Tennessee cave in an blatant attempt to highlight the media's refusal to use the word 'spelunker' | (137) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bride trades wedding ring for handcuffs. Before the honeymoon, for a change | (37) |
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Italy hit by toxic cheese scare. That's no gouda | (80) |
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If you have an explosives lab in your dorm room, try not to draw attention to yourself by test-firing explosives off your balcony | (40) |
| (Scientist Live) | |
Do pretty women harbor a natural sense of entitlement? Scientific study suggests attractive women believe they deserve it all | (726) |
| (WGAL) | |
Chuck E. Cheese -- where a kid can be a kid, and a 45-year-old guy can run around spitting and screaming "I have Hepatitis C." | (92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these neon fans | (53) |
| (Playstation) | |
Top 10 biggest baseball &^@%#*'s. Amazing Barry Bonds and his head aren't #1 and #2 (Sponsored Link) | (86) |
| (WOAI) | |
Border Agent: "What've you got there? Canned vegetables?" Teenager: "No, man, it's... POTTED PLANTS Get it? ... Dude, why the cuffs?" | (64) |
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The War on Easter has gone biological: Decorating, hiding eggs can pose a health hazard | (85) |
| (IHT) | |
Scientists find giant sea creatures during Antarctic Sea survey, including 2-foot starfish near gate of R'lyeh. "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" | (171) |
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If you've been hypnotizing supermarket checkout staff and bank clerks to steal the contents of their tills, the Italian police would like to have a word with you | (59) |
| (MPR) | |
As if sex with teachers wasn't enough, now kids will be paid to go to school | (110) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
Water supply official calls immigrant detention facility "a holding center for wetbacks," Everyone gets the joke and applauds his wit and class | (139) |
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News: Historical but boarded up building prevents new development. Fark: Its a Denny's | (104) |
| (Some guy eh) | |
The USA had Watergate. The UK had the Profumo affair. Canada has the possibility of a rigged coffee cup contest | (83) |
| (Quad Cities Online) | |
Girl bursts into tears over her $2000 speeding ticket. All she did was blow past a state trooper at over 120 miles per hour | (407) |
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150-pound man jumps over three sets of subway tracks to rescue man 40 pounds heavier at the last minute. Rescue made more difficult by lugging around 20% of his bodyweight in balls | (92) |
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If you've been dumping pennies into those Starbucks tip jars, you just helped cost the company $105 million | (294) |
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WTOP Reporter makes fascinating new discovery for Easter: Marshmallow Peeps | (54) |
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Philippine man celebrates his 22nd crucifixion, always looks on the bright side of life | (90) |
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Inspector arrested for poor crane technique. If do right, no can defense | (99) |
| (.politico) |  |
Caption what Bill Clinton is saying to Rev. Jeremiah Wright | (192) |
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When your lunatic asylum plans to host a dirt bike race called the "Psyco Path", you may want to fire your public relations person | (88) |
| (The Minaret) | |
Asshat finds out the hard way that hanging clothes to dry from a sprinkler doesn't always work out | (70) |
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Union upset with company that won't let its workers take bathroom breaks. Urine trouble now | (143) |
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Minor earthquakes hit E. Bay. A++++ WOULD QUAKE AGAIN | (97) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Attorneys argue over whether or not a man is fit to stand trial for sexual assualt. Fark: He's 91 and has been dead for a month | (45) |
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If you're going around the scene of an accident in a semi, try not to drag the accident with you (with video) | (40) |
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2007: UC Regents allocates $150 million to staff raises. 2008: UC Regents raising student fees 10% due to a $332 million budget cut | (86) |
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Minnesota closes major bridge amid "safety concerns." Yah shoulda got that TruCoat | (82) |
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Photoshop LSU coach Butch Pierre | (62) |
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NM Gov. (and former presidential candidate) Bill Richardson endorses Obama, Boston cream donuts | (371) |
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Cool photo of the Atlanta skyline with Sherman the tornado in the background | (160) |
| (WTAE-TV) | |
Robber shot with his own gun when tackled by store owner. Bonus: store owner took would-be robber's gun and held him at gunpoint until cops arrived | (40) |
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Starting in July Colorado will be able to buy liquor on Sundays. Drew seen adding it to his list of States That Matter | (92) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"In Britain, you are struggling to afford your lifestyle, dismayed by urban squalor - if you want to be part of a society that is more interested in where it is going than in looking back over its shoulder, then you go to Australia" | (192) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"A stolen van loaded down with donuts may not be the best vehicle for eluding police" | (48) |
Thu March 20, 2008
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Saudi Arabia to teach its 40,000 imams moderation in hopes that Islam can change, a week after one of those imams called for beheadings of those who think Islam can change | (246) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today is the first day of spring. ˙uɯnʇnɐ ɟo ʎɐp ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ sı ʎɐpoʇ | (140) |
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Not even a week has gone by and another teacher has been busted for sleeping with her students (with mugshot) | (173) |
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State Department confirms breach of Barack Obama's passport data - two State Department employees fired | (534) |
| (SaCurrent) | |
Old and busted: Backyard BBQ Pits. New hotness: Backyard Wood-burning Pizza Ovens | (83) |
| (Some Guy) | |
School rules now bans list of friends to invite to your birthday party | (103) |
| (Some Jerkoff) | |
Defense lawyer held in contempt for making "simulated masturbatory gesture" in court. What a stroke of bad luck | (55) |
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Driving naked in Pennsylvania is one thing, but when it's a 64-year old lady and it's 9:00 in the morning that's another | (33) |
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What kind of a-hole kills a 71-year-old realtor? James A. Hole, that's who (with mugshot) | (72) |
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Canadian Safety Minister wants to know how the blueprints for the new counter-terrorism building ended up in a garbage can in downtown Ottawa | (107) |
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One in five Indian kids use tobacco. The other four just haven't seen the ads yet | (91) |
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Playwright stages theater in Central Park bathrooms, says he wanted an "intimate" experience for the patrons | (55) |
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As if flying sharks weren't bad enough, now we have flying stingrays to worry about | (152) |
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Not News: Two girls get into a fight at a school News: The police get involved Fark: The two girls were teachers | (107) |
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Just in time for that summer vacation or that summer recession, Michigan Representative John Dingell (D-Ingellberry) proposes 50 cent/gallon tax hike on gasoline | (261) |
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Officers left with no choice but to shoot runaway cow. Because we all know if a cow ever got the chance he’d eat you and everyone you care about | (91) |
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