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Sun March 16, 2008
| (Some Guy) |  |
Taiwanese man promised his father a stripper for his funeral if he lived beyond the age of 100. Cai Jinlai duly passed away at the age of 103 this week, to one of the coolest funerals in history | (21) |
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Men prefer pale women because they are virginal, women prefer dark men because they are mysterious. Here comes the science | (200) |
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"Why are you washing your car in the first place? Bathing it will not increase its life expectancy or decrease the chances of a breakdown. All it does really is demonstrate to others that you have a tiny mind and an empty life" | (191) |
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Man sets fire to his apartment, answers the door with crack pipe still in hand, fights with and spits on the arresting officers, and sends them back into the burning apartment to rescue someone that wasn't even there. Ta-daa | (82) |
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Millions of people face being stranded at Mornington Crescent over Easter as British railways decide a holiday weekend is the best time to do major overhauls of its lines | (90) |
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Lose a leg fighting in Iraq and you'll get £57,000 compensation. But straining your back lifting a printer at the Ministry of Defense gets you £202,000. All hail the Chairborne Brigade | (40) |
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Style counts when getting kicked off a plane | (43) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Beer drinkers have bigger brains than wine drinkers | (98) |
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To distract you from the fact that Tibet is on fire, here are some pictures of giant pandas playing in the snow at a Chinese wildlife preserve. Peace on you and all your friends | (41) |
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HMAS Sydney, Australia's worst WWII maritime loss, found 66 years after it was sunk | (96) |
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Not News: Religious groups seek to shut down cartoon channel over "pro-gay" and "anti-religious" shows. News: Channel responds that "We live in a fully secular, not puritan state. Suck it." Fark: Russia | (89) |
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Suicide assistance agency sets up next to a brothel. Now you can come and go | (42) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Defendant who embraces evil wants to wear cape and makeup for trial. W/evil mugshot | (79) |
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Union City police find 6-foot alligator after making marijuana bust. That's not a crock | (26) |
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You'd expect to encounter a few uncooperative pricks at a sobriety checkpoint, but this takes the cake | (81) |
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"Honey, would you look at that? There's a naked man destroying the store" | (36) |
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Penis-shaped fun straws cause problems for Wal-Mart (with safe for work pic) | (161) |
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Former NJ judge who “is known and highly regarded as a fine and ethical attorney” lands six-figure city job after ticket-fixing scandal forced him from the bench | (23) |
| (Some Badger) |  |
The police chief of Whitewater, WI is tackling the real problems his community faces. Like using police resources to identify a blogger critical of his office | (73) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Real life superheroes patrol the streets of Chula Vista. Meet Mr. Extreme and Shadow Hare | (76) |
| (6abc.com) | |
Philadelphia's finest on display as a cuffed suspect drives off with a police cruiser, crashes in Camden, N.J. and then runs off | (26) |
| (Centre Daily Times) |  |
School keeps black mold problem quiet for three years until reporter reveals it and school board reads about it | (26) |
| (The Times) |  |
Ashley Dupré's mother was "shell shocked" to find out her precious little snow-wreck had been working as an escort and in trouble with the law | (143) |
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Photoshop theme: Rejected educational games | (77) |
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If you call a tech geek to help you tune your computer, make sure to erase all the kiddy porn first (with creepy mugshot goodness) | (99) |
| (LA Daily News) |  |
When the LAPD mistakenly kicks in your door and shoots you, at least their "Wrong Doors Unit" will fix the door | (72) |
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In Baltimore, MD there are many charities. But none like the one that nearly $1.8 million has been awarded to violent offenders such as carjackers, gang members, drug dealers, and sex offenders | (91) |
| (Awful Marketing) | |
High school girl who saves busload of elementary school students is given detention when administrators find out she shouldn't have been on the bus in the first place | (172) |
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Winning ticket for Powerball prize of over $275,000,000 sold in West Virginia. That's gonna buy a lot of banjos | (73) |
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In case you were wondering where the next sub-prime mortgage crisis will take place, it's in London, where an apartment is sold for world record £115m | (66) |
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Family of child with progeria, a rare disease that causes rapid aging, struggle to deal with his health, raise awareness of the disease, fend off Maury Povich's producers | (87) |
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Student hacks into school district computer, steals personal data of 35,000 district employees. His parents should have bought him a car for his birthday, like he asked for | (59) |
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Police arrest man for taking their picture with cell phone during drug raid, then refusing to delete photo as ordered | (239) |
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Man stopped for driving while on cell phone; actually gets away in court with "I was only using it to warm my ear" excuse | (51) |
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If you're on parole and have been arrested 110 times already, you can be fairly certain that hiding behind a park dumpster and yelling at passersby while holding crack will get you arrest number 111 - whether or not you feign a heart attack | (36) |
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The Pentagon hopes to stay in Iraq at least another four years, but forever would be good, too | (222) |
| (Some Guy) | |
One bright spot in the housing credit meltdown: people can now get a Frank Lloyd Wright house for less than a million | (143) |
| (Some Hungover Guy) | |
Pennsylvania Department of Transportation dismayed to discover that one of their portable road signs is giving people directions to a strip club | (69) |
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Air France buys Alitalia, vows to preserve under-wing hair | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these hard-working crime solvers | (47) |
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Cool: Getting a shout-out on your favorite radio station on your birthday. Not cool: Having 2000 people crash your party as a result | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A paramedic who tripped and fell while on an emergency call is suing the heart patient he was sent to help | (99) |
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New plan would allow UK teachers to enter kids DNA into national database if they display "at risk" early criminal behavior, such as: antisocialism, radicalism, violence and eating glue | (169) |
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Investigators tired of looking for Steve Fossett and Jimmy Hoffa decide to start digging up the ranch where Charles Manson lived to look for bodies of others they believe he may have killed | (79) |
| (We Attract) | |
Photoshop this SNS half cell | (58) |
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NYC crane collapse leaves 'Fu Bar' FUBAR | (61) |
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Nearly half of all injuries caused by police shootings in the UK are the result of officers accidently shooting themselves or a colleague | (93) |
| (Some Guy) | |
When drinking booze, have you ever swallowed the worm at the bottom of the bottle? How about the rattlesnake? | (73) |
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A Sicilian tour guide makes FAQ booklet. Covers questions like: Are all Sicilians in the Mafia? What's Michael Corleone's favorite type of spaghetti? Do all Sicilians talk so loud? And witty responses to WANAFIGHTABOUTIT? | (53) |
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Dad sues school for kids failing final year...class action of every NFL draftee now being put together | (79) |
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Armed with ham, restaurateur fights off meat thief. Bacon | (41) |
Sat March 15, 2008
| (Burn, baby, burn) | |
Father-of-the-Year contender leaves 9-year old son pacing the parking lot for 45 minutes. Pissed off kid sets van on fire. “We’re going to get the kid into a juvenile fire setter program,” said the fire chief | (61) |
| (NY Times) | |
Study finds that there are three times as many cars trying to park as there are on-street spaces in Lower Manhattan. If only there were an underground train like transit system that workers could take from outlying areas | (140) |
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Not News: Australian government proposes arial drop of rat poison to kill rats on an island. News: poison also likely to decimate several endangered species living on the island. Fark: in order to create an ideal environment for stick insects | (76) |
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Parents leave their daughter with a babysitter while they have a drink at a bar. The babysitter? A locked truck | (57) |
| (Star-Telegram) |  |
Woman sues American Airlines after man in next seat fapped while she napped, provided unwanted hair gel | (362) |
| (Gimundo) | |
Dog stranded in desert for 4 months gets rescued by train conductor. All aboard for I've-got-something-in-my-eye-ville | (84) |
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Dallas is turning off the red light cameras. Not because of complaints, but because they work too well. People are no longer running enough red lights to pay for the cameras | (156) |
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Crane collapses in NYC, destroying at least one building. 2 dead, several injured. Rescue teams on site. Bonus: possible gas leak could mean an explosion of newsflashes later today | (182) |
| (WSBTV) | |
More tornadoes heading for Atlanta today. It's what they get for building their city below sea level | (125) |
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Last call for alcohol: NYC Fark Party tonight @ 7-7:30 LGT previous thread, DIT after Flood Protection | (24) |
| (KNXV) | |
Attorney for 27-year old female teacher who pleaded guilty to farking a 16-year old boy says "Everyplace she goes, people are touched by her tenderness, love and caring." Her victim agrees (w/hot for teacher photo) | (152) |
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Behold the Holy Laser Cannon of Galilee | (162) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this guy shooting smoke | (52) |
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Pole-swinging on the slopes can lead to arrest, shrinkage | (23) |
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Madam: Sex too hard to sell these days, the competition is stiff and you're always getting the shaft | (76) |
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The twisted organizers of "Bubblefest" have been stopped from their nefarious plans to enclose an elephant in a giant soap bubble | (36) |
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High school teacher tells student he "fit the stereotype of a terrorist", school district now "fits the stereotype of a federal lawsuit recipient" | (169) |
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Man arrested for attempting to have sex with a lamppost. Bonus: related stories on the same page are for two separate stories of guys who tried to make it with a vacuum cleaner and a bicycle, respectively | (80) |
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Photos of downtown Atlanta after Friday night's storm | (172) |
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Apparently, answering the door naked and punching an 11-year old in the head is not the proper response when the kid rings the doorbell soliciting donations for a fundraiser. Who knew? | (92) |
| (Some Canuck) |  |
Canadian convenience store fined $1,020 for selling new-fangled "carbonated beverage in a can" | (112) |
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The coolest CCTV footage of an unearthed German WWII bomb being safely detonated you'll see today. You submitted this with a "you know who else" headline, which was blitzed by Herr Drew | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
High school senior and son of Oklahoma City bombing victim writes a letter to Rep. Kerns, who claimed that gays were more of a threat than terrorists. Spiffy tag has something in its eye | (832) |
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Hello, boils and ghouls - it's time for "Tales from the Crypt." Today's grave story concerns smash-and-grab robbers who steal from the cars of cemetery visitors. The morbid, the merrier | (40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this skateboarder catching some air | (62) |
| (my fox cleveland) | |
Mustachioed kitteh is sole survivor of Singapore-to-Cleveland shipping container trek, just in time for Caturday | (484) |
| (SLO Tribune) | |
Remote California town of Gorda has most expensive gas in the country - $5.20 a gallon, which is galling | (134) |
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Mah accuthed ov muhda ethcapth coht aftah biding copth' dose (pic) | (46) |
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Baby sand dollars clone themselves when they sense danger. Ben Bernanke reportedly very interested in this development | (31) |
| (LAist) | |
The Shamrock Shake returns after 7 years, celebrate with these 1970's commercials cooked up by adguys from the Ulster Defence Association | (112) |
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Ottawa parking garage collapses like the Senators in the playoffs | (69) |
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New York Post: From moral outrage to "here is a picture of a topless hooker" in three days(Not safe for workish) | (148) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these jugs | (47) |
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If you're a scam artist and your name is Kenneth Broad, don't get license plates reading 'KB 4 CON' for your Mercedes. Or be like this idiot - your call | (28) |
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Man found walking naked down highway says Jesus told him to | (75) |
| (The Local.se) | |
Initial blind taste tests with new "mummified mouse"-flavor tortilla chips met with skepticism among the vegan community | (106) |
Fri March 14, 2008
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Ex-pop star jailed for child sex. No, not that one. Or that one. Or that one. Oh, hell - it's the "Build Me Up Buttercup" guy | (114) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Possible tornado strikes Georgia Dome, halting SEC tourney | (280) |
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Apparently it's not astronomical mathematical odds that have prevented anyone in Philadelphia from winning big in Powerball: it's a CURSE | (60) |
| (NBC24) | |
What do you get when you have 68 Scholars of the 21st-Century students on a bus trip to Chuck E. Cheese? Why, a bus-clearing brawl, of course | (37) |
| (phillyBurbs) | |
Dirty online chat with Miss America? Awesome. Unless she's posing as a 14-year-old for a crime show. Then it's 5 years of PMITA non-awesome | (197) |
| (MyFox Chicago) | |
Man reports his pornography collection stolen | (76) |
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"How England is being turned into a land of cloned uniformity, losing the very things that make it worth living in" | (84) |
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News: Nine-year-old leukemia sufferer receives death threats on blog she started to write about her ordeal. Fark: They were left by another nine-year-old | (55) |
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In this week’s mug shot roundup, all featured arrestees are wearing Al Pacino t-shirts. Say hello to my little perps | (120) |
| (WGAL) | |
After 267 vehicle fires and 17 structure fires, GM recalls every 3.8-liter V6 made after 1997 | (172) |
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Police uncover 13-year-olds' plot to kill as many classmates as possible, then themselves (with video) | (152) |
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"Marriage is the greatest test of character any of us have to face - and that is during good times" | (86) |
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Uh-oh. Kurt Eberling, inventor of SpaghettiOs, passes away at the age of 77 | (117) |
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Being a bouncer in Chicago on St Patrick's Day: A story from the front lines | (104) |
| (Just Some Guy) | |
Photoshop what's in the net | (70) |
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Bush says Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is doing a heck of a job on the U.S. economy. Uh oh | (273) |
| (Coming Soon) | |
Paramount Pictures exec pitches radical new idea: "Hey, what if we took the magazine Heavy Metal and animated it?" Paramount says, "Rad -- this will show those guys over at Pixar" | (205) |
| (Welcome) |  |
Three people found dead in Zambo, where you can do anything at all | (86) |
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Heather Mills to get around $50 million per leg in divorce settlement from Paul McCartney | (111) |
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Finally the answer to: "Where do trailer parks come from?" Tagline says it all (nifty pic included) | (53) |
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Imaginary lost productivity during March Madness skyrockets to $1.7 billion in 2008, up 42 percent from last year. Federal Reserve poised to slash garbage time, free throws in effort to curb recession fears | (42) |
| (Some farkaholic) | |
If you're on the lam, owe back child support and have a bag of weed in your pocket, public peeing is ill advised | (57) |
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Today's suspected bomb that turns out to be a turnip brought to you by Fort Wayne, IN | (77) |
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Weak dollar means the US economy is now #2 in the world, figuratively and literally | (510) |
| (Press Democrat) | |
Not news: young man dies in rollover accident. Fark: local article about crash includes picture of victim flashing the shocker | (153) |
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Pennsylvania doctor guilty in triangle killing, will spend life in a very small rectangle | (50) |
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Man solicits sex from a 16-year-old boy. Boy punches him, then makes off with his car | (65) |
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What do Governor Eliot Spitzer and Mayor Ray Nagin have in common? What is "Vi-Jay-Jay"? | (107) |
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In reliable sign that spring is just around the corner, idiots in Wisconsin being fined for running across frozen lakes naked | (39) |
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The worst things to do on an interview. Answering the "Where do you see yourself in the future?" question with "Doing your wife" inexplicably not on the list | (286) |
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US House of Representatives votes 213-197 to strip immunity from phone companies for domestic surveillance. President Bush reportedly has narrowed veto choices to Tangerine, Burnt Sienna and Aquamarine | (341) |
| (The Local.de) | |
Surgeons left holding the bag after woman scheduled for a leg operation gets a colostomy instead | (64) |
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Glenn Beck: "What would it say about personal responsibility in this country if we allow the two states that broke all the rules to end up having the biggest say of all?" | (413) |
| (Some Guy) | |
REMINDER: 2nd Annual Boston St. Pat's Pub Crawl Tomororow. DIT. Beware the Ides of March | (41) |
| (WMTW.com) | |
Westbrook, Maine wants all of its tattoo artists to have background checks. All one of them | (40) |
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New report claims that anti-Semitism is on the rise globally. You know who else wants to see more anti-Semitism globally? That's right: Charles Lindbergh and Henry Ford | (477) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
Welcome to the part of the news cycle where local papers ask the hard-hitting question: "What kind of regional ass can you get for a grand?" | (99) |
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First they came for the Siberian lynxes, and I did not speak out, because I had a domestic short hair | (57) |
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Google street level maps are freaking people out. People worried that others might see them ... milling about... or something | (140) |
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"Can you believe April won six gift baskets in the raffle? Me neither. Let's call the cops." | (65) |
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Haven't had a Tom Cruise / Scientology trainwreck video in awhile... oh wait here's one | (268) |
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Grow-house occupants usually try to blend in, not run around outside screaming and pounding the walls and then running back inside | (28) |
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Good: Single mom goes out to make a living. Bad: By selling cocaine. Good: She left the kids with a friend. Bad: She left the plate she cut the cocaine out and the kids went all Tyrone the crackhead on her | (78) |
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Researchers develop AI equivalent of a 4-year-old and put it on Second Life. Locals baffled by new resident's lack of fur or equippable genitalia | (100) |
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Richard Gere cleared of obscenity, gerbil | (42) |
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Cell-phone driving bill still hanging on in the Maryland Senate. Likely to be dropped when they drive through a tunnel | (50) |
| (English Russia) | |
The best "elderly Russian man straps cat to his chest and jumps out of an airplane" video you'll see all day | (97) |
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Today's "idiot throwing a large chunk of concrete off an overpass onto a moving vehicle" story brought to you by Harford County, MD | (49) |
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That guy who tried to shoot the groom's testicles off at a wedding? Yeah, he just escaped from court | (37) |
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Everything you never knew about living in space, including whether astronauts ever have pizza and what they do when their clothes start to stink | (55) |
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Coen Brothers sue Fark | (165) |
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Spitzer's callgirl changes her MySpace profile. It's not news, it's CNN | (201) |
| (CRACKED.com) | |
Flowcharts of 20 insane supervillain schemes | (80) |
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An artillery shell used as a doorstop, a monkey shot by police and electrified doorknobs. Or as UK farkers call it, "Wales" | (34) |
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Retirement home forced to change their building layout, after a complaint that it looks like a swastika when seen by somebody flying overhead. Bonus: The building's been like that for 30 years | (115) |
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Police beat and rob motorist, whose faithful car leaps to his defense and tries to run them down. Or something like that | (34) |
| (WGAL) | |
Church treasurer steals $1M in mission money to buy classic cars. Church members said they always thought it was strange how it always took $2 for them to feed a hungry child when everyone else did it for $1 | (149) |
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It's not news, it's dogs and shoes. Snooze | (19) |
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Will Minnie Mouse pole dance at Disney's planned adult-oriented theme park? | (75) |
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Town denies "adult entertainment" license because bar is too close to cemetery. After all, who wants to work around a bunch of stiffs? | (44) |
| (WCTV) | |
Global warming is a myth because it snowed last week | (325) |
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Tulsa apartment building hit by National Guard rocket that the pilot thought he dropped back in Kansas. Oops | (51) |
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Pig shoots dog | (54) |
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Southwest would like you to know they've repaired four of their airplanes on which maintenance had been an afterthought. And they only had big cracks in them, so there's really nothing to worry about with all the others. Fly Southwest | (59) |
| (Dorset Echo) | |
News: Mailman caught stealing women's mail-order lingerie. Fark: Theft discovered following strip search | (21) |
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Castro lifts appliance ban -- Cubans can own DVD players and computers. Except poor people, who live in hovels and single rooms and can't afford them. Which is most of the country. So in essence nothing's changed. Thanks Raul | (123) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Mass Media(tm) hysteria over shootings at schools, malls, and churches has another side effect than simply causing more of the same. Increased handgun sales. Thanks Mass Media(tm) | (158) |
| (news14.com) | |
"Dear townspeople: Thank you for your efforts to conserve water during the drought, your efforts have prevented shortages. However, because you used less water than expected, our rates must go up. Have a nice day" | (109) |
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Flying saucer for sale. No extraterrestrials, but there is a real estate agent involved, so the anal probe is pretty well guaranteed | (16) |
| (North Adams Transcript) | |
Woman threatens to kill herself. Friend says he's calling her bluff and gives her his gun. Oops. Jury convicts him of killing her | (117) |
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Amsterdam gays can now legally enjoy public sex in the city's biggest park, but they'd better not let their dog off its leash | (87) |
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The FBI not only abused the Patriot Act to spy on citizens but actively covered up abuses. Also, when you are waterboarded, your face gets wet, according to the Romero Investigative Committee | (74) |
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Zoo's chimpanzee expert says that conservationist efforts to save the endangered species are being undermined... by CareerBuilder television ads | (37) |
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"Yes you killed your partner, but seeing as how you told your cat about it, you can go free" | (45) |
| (Some muffin) | |
Woman who dated a guy named "Toaster" did not expect the breakup to be so burny | (58) |
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Best video of a drunken New Zealand cricket fan trying to save his pint of beer you'll see in the next 36 minutes | (51) |
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Man pleads guilty to sodomy with dog. Again | (180) |
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