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Sun March 09, 2008
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Australia has six submarines but only three crews to man them, since they can't find enough Australian men willing to go months undersea without a beer | (16) |
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Innocent man in prison for 26 years. Thank you, attorney-client privilege | (77) |
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Leona Helmsley's clothes to be auctioned off. You can still smell the misanthropy on them | (20) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Busybody wants to protect his precious snowflakes from foul language...in a park | (216) |
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The roar of the crowd at a football match inspires a retired greyhound to do four laps around the stadium - for which she gets a standing ovation | (65) |
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News: Woman returns $30,000 in cash to its rightful owner. Fark: Even though she found the money in a donation's basket. Bonus: Even though her mother needed it for an eye operation | (66) |
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Several states facing shortage of vets. Upon hearing the report Bush promises to start more wars | (104) |
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Mormon missionaries in trouble for taking photos of themselves "mocking" Catholics | (170) |
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It is now illegal to french kiss a child in Virginia, ruining family reunions for thousands | (90) |
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If you've bought a novelty gun-shaped cigarette lighter, don't take it out and wave it around at your local McDonald's | (36) |
| (Some B&W Guy) |  |
Photoshop this man holding a bottle of something | (76) |
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China will launch the "world's most luxurious train", with interior standards of a 5-star hotel, on route from Beijing to Lhasa. Free Tibet | (139) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Coming soon: The First Cathedral of Gas 'N' Munch | (92) |
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Bush sings song about leaving D.C. and moving back to Texas; initial reports indicate his singing sucks, but the applause was deafening | (107) |
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Man crashes and dies in race. An Illegal Soapbox Federation race | (61) |
| (OC Register) |  |
Man takes 47 years to find his lost love, reach second base | (47) |
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What do you get if you put 1,000 people in green tights and lycra in a castle? | (73) |
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Meowschwitz | (340) |
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Israeli Army claims that playing Dungeons & Dragons is a sign of mental and moral inferiority | (245) |
| (FreeRice) |  |
Here's a timewaster that may make you smarter, or at least help you create better headlines | (150) |
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Forget your ipod, mp3 or CD player: vinyl records are making a comeback | (291) |
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"According to one report militants who were killed earlier this year planning an attack set to begin on August 8." O'RLY? Zombie militants? | (59) |
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Consumer Reports lists the 11 worst cars of the year. Ford's been paying their bills - just one model on the list, a Mercury at #11 | (268) |
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Ugly ass bug-eyed spot-nosed guenon born at central Florida zoo. Bonus pic AND video freakiness | (13) |
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"A camera that can see through people’s clothing at distances of up to 80ft has been developed" and will certainly not be misused for any reason | (59) |
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A 19-year-old medic from Texas is the second woman since WWII to earn the Silver Star | (150) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Very cool picture of the Earth at night | (155) |
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Photoshop theme: Trading cards for political figures | (49) |
| (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) |  |
What Hawaii newspapers print on slow news days: People love watching lava flows | (36) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The ten most badass swords in history. "They took our freedom, but they can't take this really cool sword" | (282) |
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Beer and wine samples? In MY grocery store? It's more likely than you think | (105) |
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"I just thought the lion wanted to play when it attacked me and tried to snap my brainstem." w/ Safe For Breakfast pics of cute victim | (124) |
| (Some Bunnay) | |
The rabbit whispers, says "We all must celebrate Bunday" Let us celebrate | (162) |
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China thwarts terror attack planned for the Olympic Games, gets a 9.0 from all the judges | (107) |
| (tmz) | |
Pro-life group chanted anti-abortion slogans at the premiere of "Horton Hears a Who," apparently not aware of the difference between a cinematic abortion and a literal one | (657) |
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Hundreds of Russian fishermen stranded on ice floe, now wishing they hadn't spent the day with those ice holes | (30) |
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Why you should read your fortune BEFORE you burgle two Chinese restaurants | (33) |
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Urologist subjects patients to unnecessary treatment; found guilty by jury of pee-ers | (33) |
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You know that 'hyphenating your maiden name and married name' thing? Sometimes it's just not a good idea (18-pic slideshow) | (201) |
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Today's mom-banging-basketball-team story brought to you by Vacaville, CA. (with "DO NOT WANT SUNTAN" mugshot) | (133) |
| (Some Dusty Thingy) | |
Photoshop this thingy | (57) |
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Margaret Thatcher is home from hospital after have some work done to her titanium endoskeleton. Expected to live for 128 years on existing power cell | (94) |
| (Some Founder) | |
Come for the geekiness, stay for the beer. The Portland Fark Party is underway, if anyone can still make it -- LGT venue, DIT | (37) |
Sat March 08, 2008
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Body found packed in dry ice at hotel. First responders didn't want to move the body due to the high minibar prices | (83) |
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School district considers adding one more standard test that students are bound to fail at | (87) |
| (Niagara Gazette) | |
"Reliable sources say he announced his arrival to face trespassing charges by entering the Court Clerk’s office and uttering, 'Van Halen in the house'" | (31) |
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Hotshot lawyer loses $1 million in casinos, dips into clients' funds to gamble more, loses everything, and then files a lawsuit for $20 million against casinos, because it's not her fault. "They had a duty of care to me" | (223) |
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Serbian government going out of business, all items 90% off, everything must go | (244) |
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Today's Fark-ready headline: "John Denver karaoke sparks Thai killing spree" | (126) |
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Maryland police say the county should pay their speeding tickets because they were driving county-owned cars | (95) |
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Everyone knows about this, so why do they keep writing these stupid articles every year? Yes, it's time for Daylight Savings. We know, we know, so shut up already | (179) |
| (Some What) | |
Photoshop this um... dentist? | (54) |
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Britain placed on high alert, expecting to be "bombed" tomorrow night. By an "explosive storm." I say, shall we all panic? Quite | (123) |
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If you ever wondered what the Addams family wedding was like, it might have been a bit like this | (99) |
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Kashmir suspends killing stray dogs. Robert Plant's dog now sitting with elders of the gentle race, this world has seldom seen | (99) |
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If you think your luck's bad - try having a brain tumor removed, then having your car stolen and finding it with the thieves inside, only to watch hapless police bungle the arrest and your car end up totalled. In the same week | (112) |
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Pretty much the greatest news story ever published | (171) |
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Congressman slams FAA, says they are too cozy with the airlines and they need to "clean house from top to bottom." Now he'll never see his luggage ever again | (64) |
| (Pew Pew Pew Research) | |
Sixty percent of 'net users say they are "not worried" about how much information is available about them online. Where's a good facepalm when you need one? | (151) |
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In what may be the end of modern civilization as we know it, man creates online fantasy fishing league and wants Hulk Hogan to help him promote the ultimate downfall of humanity into a cesspit of apathy and sloth | (53) |
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Tennessee may finally allow wine sales in grocery stores. Prohibition surrenders | (113) |
| (NewsChannel5) | |
Proposed bill would require paternity tests for all newborns in Tennessee. Maury Povich considers move to Memphis | (281) |
| (Gimundo) | |
Russian general who resisted pushing the button - the pretty, shiny button - barely getting by on meager pension. It's not nukes, it's Fark.com | (167) |
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If you planned to take a train in the UK after Easter, you might want to rethink your plans | (28) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these red-devil jumpers | (54) |
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Britain proposes reducing speed limits and saturating highways with speed cameras - setting aside one lane where you can pay to drive 70 instead of 60 | (98) |
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Everything you think you know about plastic bags is false. The world is round again | (133) |
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There's a major celebrity paternity battle brewing in Germany, involving millions of euros in revenue, regional pride, and one incredibly cute ... polar bear? | (15) |
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British dishes like toad in the hole and spotted dick becoming extinct as even Brits refuse to eat them | (140) |
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Police statistics confirm there are more car accidents the Mondays after the "spring ahead" time change. It's not snooze, it's Fark.com | (38) |
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If at first you don't succeed... Baltimore cell phone ban for motorists finally moves to Senate floor after 10 years of trying | (50) |
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Simon's Cat in "Let Me In". Perfect entertainment for Caturday | (578) |
| (King 5 News) | |
Not News: Clinton runs attack ad involving a "red phone." News: The ad uses stock footage from 8 years ago. Fark: The girl in the stock footage wants Obama to pick up the red phone (w/video interview) | (229) |
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Homeless man believes he can best Henry Earl's record, "arrested for the 452nd time this week" (w/mugshot) | (49) |
| (Kent Online) | |
Mysterious black leopard reported to be roaming around graveyard in England. I WANT TO BEREAVE | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man tries to clean up by holding up a bookie with a can of furniture spray, but his performance was less than polished | (29) |
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Milk cows have difficulty adjusting to daylight-saving time. It's not moos, it's Fark.com | (40) |
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Photoshop a magazine advertisement for a flying car | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Two 14-year-old boys kicked out of school for taking Viagra. It was the hardest punishment they ever gave | (68) |
| (Winnipeg Free Press) |  |
Not News: Group can't afford lawyer for public inquiry. Fark: It's the Bar Association | (32) |
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I am SO tired of hearing people who survive being buried alive by breathing air trapped in their hat, then get rescued and thank Buddhist breathing techniques | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Short women found to live longer, listen to more jokes that start, "Hey, as long as you're down there ..." | (109) |
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Cuties, uglies, t-shirts with catchy slogans, a nipple slip, unfortunate facial hair, and patriotism - all this and more can be found in this week's mugshot roundup | (206) |
Fri March 07, 2008
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Man gets $321 ticket for feeding the dolphin in the Banana River; surprisingly, that's not a euphemism | (60) |
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If you’re going to park your tank to buy more vodak, the people across the street would like to kindly remind you to set the parking brake | (89) |
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Bush to veto legislation barring use of waterboarding. Heard to exclaim "hey, what do those guys have against surfing anyway?" | (612) |
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Denver schoolteachers play hooky on disinterested students | (55) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this mysterious island | (82) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A brawl involving 10-15 people, a tasering, and five arrests? Just an average night at the local Waffle House | (79) |
| (995fm.com) | |
"I am a vagina-friendly mayor" | (128) |
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Mother of the year candidate arrested after her four-year-old daughter shows up to school drunk | (103) |
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Columbian Rebel killed by his own security team. It's not news, it's FARC | (62) |
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Nearly 30 cats taken from home filled with huge piles of trash, but really, this article was only greenlit for the mugshot | (149) |
| (Some Drunk) | |
What's that, Lassie? A woman got drunk, crashed her SUV, and fell down a 30-foot well? | (22) |
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80-year-old woman punches cop several times, wiggles out of her handcuffs and throws them out the window of the police car. This is a buddy cop movie just *waiting* to happen | (31) |
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List of Thwarted Terror Attacks Since Sept. 11 | (422) |
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Crime in Oslo, Norway, is four times that of New York, featuring high rates of robbery, car theft, and assault with a deadly herring | (87) |
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New best state to speed in: Connecticut | (100) |
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Entire Virginia town forgets to vote | (71) |
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"If anyone doubts that Obama's supporters engage in cult-like behavior, try pointing out that they engage in cult-like behavior." | (589) |
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Fark.com gets Dugg by someone who has never heard of Fark, threatening collapse of space-time continuum | (244) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Throwing a rock through the back window of a police cruiser? Ten days in jail and $1,100. Arrested wearing your Slash t-shirt? Priceless | (93) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Amy Whinehouse has a new party trick: Step 1, Set vodak on fire. Step 2: snort it | (273) |
| (Science Daily) | |
University of Florida burn experts found that 69 percent of the 155 pediatric foot and ankle burns they reviewed were caused by children walking on hot ashes, coals and embers. So, I guess the take home message is don't walk on fire, kids | (83) |
| (Enviroment Times) | |
Cardboard clothes hanger may replace 100 million landfilled wire ones, would certainly have made the beatings from Joan Crawford less traumatizing | (104) |
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You find a bag with $15,000 in it in the middle of the road. Do you A) Keep it, spend it, love it? B) Donate it to charity? C) Return it to the woman who lost it after leaving it on top of her car and driving off? | (316) |
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State ethics commission rules that state legislators are allowed to act like complete douchebags | (198) |
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Not news: Man walks out on his wife. Fark.com: She burns their 400 cellphones | (47) |
| (Some Stumptowner) | |
A Fark Party in Portland on Saturday / is a good way to end this week's Caturday / So come out for some booze / come mingle and schmooze / Bring your favorite meme and cliche | (83) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Justin Timberlake’s “My Problem With Women” first episode titled “They Don’t Have Penises” | (81) |
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New Britney Spears pregnancy speculation. Or maybe she's just a fat redneck | (127) |
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Key West street performer "Gold Man" arrested, in costume, for selling crack to undercover cop. With mug shot, police evidence photo hilarity | (133) |
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The "scientific research" which Japan uses as a justification for its continued whaling includes such vital questions as "is it possible to cross-breed a whale and a cow?" | (86) |
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Substitute teacher pleads guilty to having sex with the world’s luckiest 14-year-old (w/ pic) | (446) |
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Apparently New York has the toughest anti-masturbation laws in the country | (116) |
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Florida bank begins foreclosure proceedings on man's house while he's in England, changes locks and empties pool before discovering he didn't have a mortgage with them | (93) |
| (Some slow learner) | |
Drug Dealing 101 (again): "If you have 12 lbs of pot and $100K in the car, don't speed. Because you might lose the 6,700 lbs you've got in your basement, too | (88) |
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Deputies stop naked man who was stalking an alligator, thus depriving Fark of an even better story | (28) |
| (Some President) | |
Photoshop Mount Rushmore | (72) |
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British House of Lords votes to abolish their god-damned blasphemy laws | (52) |
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Police arrest 10 at video porn store. People still go out for porn? What about the internets? | (98) |
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Obama foreign policy advisor calls Hillary Clinton a "monster". Later apologizes to Godzilla, Rodan and Count Orlok for making the comparison | (538) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Newspapers prove they aren't dead by redesigning to include "Why are you smiling?" Q&As with random people on the street and 'brag book' Sunday section of reader-submitted baby photos | (46) |
| (Some Spiegel) | |
Nobody thought anyone could beat the Belgians at packing children into car trunks, until this Romanian family came along | (53) |
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Lincoln's Log stardate 1865.4.15, The natives are getting restless here but seem to relax when I scribble on the papers they offer me. I think I shall go see a show | (49) |
| (Some Amazon) | |
The comments for Playmobil's new Airport Security Check Point at Amazon are giving Tuscan whole milk a run for its money | (164) |
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"Sexual attractiveness, as behavioral scientists are discovering, is for the most part based on the amount of social capital a person possesses" | (304) |
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Good: New Jersey legislators want to prepare kids for real life. Fark: by testing them for steroids from age 12 | (44) |
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Realizing his tank and thirty-seven troops will get crushed by Columbia's hardened army, Chavez calls for cooling tensions | (238) |
| (Rasmussen) | |
Poll: 54% of Americans aware of Daylight Savings Time on Sunday. Ha, 46 percent will be early to church. Or late. It's spring back, right, like foam springs back? | (205) |
| (wigantoday) | |
Breakfast radio show host inadvertently creates the best hour on radio | (141) |
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Swiss government tackles catastrophic Brazilian cow gut shortage crisis | (30) |
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Police seize 40 pounds of low quality pot "worth" about $40,000. Wait, what? | (182) |
| (AOL) | |
America Online gives us a list of 20th century brands that will fizzle out soon | (228) |
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Officials say there's no link between bombing of Army recruiting station in Times Square and letters sent to Congress saying "We did it". It was just a "coincidence" | (62) |
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General says Al Qaeda may be plotting to attack US. Also says sun may be plotting a rise, rain may be plotting a fall, and dog may be plotting getting a steak | (91) |
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Study groups are now considered cheating | (213) |
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Driving instructor who wasn't driving gets a DUI when his blood-alcohol tests three times the legal limit, claims he was teaching a lesson on designated driving | (51) |
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Britain cancels plans to introduce carpool lane due to safety fears. Driving on the wrong side of the road still okay, though | (52) |
| (Some Floridian) | |
Mother accused of power-washing her two-year old daughter at a car wash turns herself in. Police marvel at how shiny and clean the two-year old is | (161) |
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Men dress up as cowboys in order to steal doughnuts, and then it gets stupid | (33) |
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Colorado Springs police solve a murder case. Fark: committed in 1893 | (73) |
| (Some Appalachian) | |
Photoshop these old timers and their relaxing break | (63) |
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Athol pithed | (124) |
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Thieves are stealing beehives in California. To the Beemobile! | (76) |
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8-year-old Brazilian boy passes law school entrance exam, will sue the crap out of anyone who makes that brazilion joke | (70) |
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People turning away free surgery in the Nanny State just because there are dead, rotting rats littering the operating rooms | (122) |
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Beer me up, Scotty | (58) |
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Last living American WWI veteran honored at White House by fellow war hero | (140) |
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With $15,000 on the line, 150 women race down the streets of Amsterdam in stiletto high heels. What could possibly go wrong? | (53) |
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French hotel best known for serving Marmite to guests wins Michelin star. Australian hotels intrigued, would like to subscribe to the newsletter | (90) |
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Grounded and caged for 27 years, a golden eagle named Methuselah has been taught to fly again | (51) |
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French women turning into "sexual predators" on news that one in five young French men have no interest in having sex | (426) |
Thu March 06, 2008
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Labrador plunges 115ft off cliff onto ocean, manages to land safely, swims to shore, farks a couple of biatches and demands filet mignon | (137) |
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Pets in Wisconsin can now get restraining orders. Your dog would like you to stay 1,000 feet away unless you've got steak | (31) |
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"Surprisingly, a decomposing bear foot has whole lot of similarities to a decomposing human foot" say cops. Darwin beggs to differ | (76) |
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Woman tries to breakup with boyfriend by calling in fake bomb threats to his plane flight. "She believed he would leave her alone after finding out she made the calls". The two years in prison should assure that | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not news: Guy falls asleep in cinema during chick-flick. News: Wife leaves him there to teach him a lesson. Fark: Goes unnoticed by staff, locked in for the night | (99) |
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NYPD releases video of Times Square bicycle bomber - all six pixels of him | (145) |
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Power to Karachi, Pakistan's largest city, cut off after officials there prove no better at paying their bills than you | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you already have four drunk driving charges under your belt, you probably want to make sure you're not so intoxicated when you pick up your kids from daycare that other parents have to step over your body in the hallway | (59) |
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Bush: America still not safe from terrorist attack. Americans: Thanks for nothing, a-hole | (700) |
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Krispy Kreme offers to pay customers' mortgages for six months. That's a lot of doughnuts | (36) |
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British-owned websites for a Spanish travel agency that are hosted in the Bahamas get shut down by the US Treasury Department | (35) |
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French girl who sent a letter to her mother in heaven has it returned with a fine. Might want to send that in the other direction, mon amie | (86) |
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"This is smurf war. We'd be happy to go head to head with Chester University in a smurf-off." (pic) |