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Sun March 02, 2008
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Jeff Healey loses 41 year battle with cancer | (46) |
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Study attempts to show woman who drinks daily what she may look like in 25 years, with or without continuing to drink. Considering she'll be old and unfarkable either way, my vote goes to keep drinking (pics) | (106) |
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Dairy food to soon carry cigarette-style warning labels to warn people about how dangerous cheese and milk are to eat | (69) |
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"Two German air force sergeants are facing courts martial after drawing their own blood to make traditional sausage" | (59) |
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Statisticians say Libras' cars break down more often than those born under any other astrological sign. In related news, Libras are more likely to buy Chevys | (160) |
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Huge-ass humpback whale gives kayakers the shock of their lives, before realising they weren't Japanese whalers (pics) | (75) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Woman gets prison time for overdue library books. Librarians everywhere rejoice, albeit quietly | (117) |
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Today's real estate agent finding human remains brought to you by Emmitsburg, MD | (27) |
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"Jonathan Lee Riches is America's most prolific litigant. Convicted of fraud and serving an eight-year sentence in South Carolina, he has sued Keira Knightley, Wesley Snipes, the Unabomber, Pizza Hut and the Goodyear blimp" | (71) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Prince Harry may have joined the Mile High Club while serving in Afghanistan | (112) |
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Organic raised chickens still taste the same as factory raised chicken. Same great taste for a higher price | (176) |
| (State Journal-Register) |  |
Small Missouri town forks out $3,500 for monument to one-time World's Fattest Man. 1,069 LBS., NEVAH FORGET | (72) |
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Movie theater bans kids under 18 on Friday and Saturday nights unless they're with an adult | (401) |
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Childhood now ends at age 11. Now go get a job, punks | (127) |
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Aussie health commission officers ordered to lie to families whose homes were exposed to high levels of gamma rays, got caught when number of rampaging green monsters in area went through the roof | (23) |
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Theme: Create a movie poster for a misunderstood movie title. Example: "Rear Window" with a poster about replacement window installation. Difficulty: Use actual movie title | (247) |
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SWAT team members say they were forced to go to Hooters and cavort with the waitresses | (72) |
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Man who doesn't quite get the concept of armed robbery tries it out using a spork. Spork spork spork | (57) |
| (NZ Herald) | |
Woman calls emergency hotline because she needed help sewing | (21) |
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Members of a tribal council secretly give themselves 30 percent raises and get Humvees and other luxury vehicles bought with tribal funds. It's good to be Chief | (40) |
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Hugo Chavez runs out of coke, sends his men to Colombia for more | (302) |
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According to new study, women are more clever and successful liars than men. Bonus: Both the study and the article written by women, so who knows? | (209) |
| (adn.com) |  |
This is Alaska, where our clothes horses parade before the awestruck crowds in garments of duct tape, balloons, guitar strings, bubble wrap, computer parts, paper clips and coffee beans (pics) | (41) |
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$1,000,000 offered for Hillary Clinton to pose nude | (200) |
| (Teh Children) | |
Not News: Mayor and police force get gifts every year for Christmas. News: Out of the "Toys for Tots" fund | (40) |
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NEWS: Cabdriver arrested in New York abandoned baby case. FARK: Mother of baby was 14 and father was 27. FARKIER: Cabdriver, 44, was dating the 21-year-old sister of the 14-year-old | (80) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Virginia appeals court rules 4-3 that spamming is not constitutionally-protected free speech | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Rejected Star Wars toys. The world just wasn't ready for a Jabba the Hutt beanbag | (73) |
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Rapper Juvenile, who makes a living glorifiying guns and violence, "shocked" at the shooting of his daughter and her mother | (496) |
| (The Local) | |
If you ever wanted to own a real German WWII Panzer, here's your chance. You know who else really, really liked Panzers? | (126) |
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Australia opens world's first "human rights compliant" prison including cottages, flat screen TVs and mountain views. It's not a life sentence, it's a lifestyle | (109) |
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Philadelphia is America's best beer-drinking city. Beer snob rebuttals to the right | (146) |
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34th annual Iditarod to begin today in Alaska. Race begins in Anchorage, is expected to last 11-12 days and will span 1700 miles. NOME NOME NOME | (42) |
| (Seacoast Online.com) | |
The world's largest snowman isn't a man, baby. With 'I'd hit it' pics | (58) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this construction tube | (41) |
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Conspiracy theorists have field day as Kremlin places secret £10K order for 3,200 female white mice. Stuart Little seen buying thirty gross of condoms, boarding flight to Moscow | (55) |
| (KXLY) |  |
Monkey on the loose in Spokane bites three people, says "tastes like chicken" | (48) |
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Saskatchawanians, the West Virginians of Canada, can't get the hang of these newfangled dogless dogsleds | (148) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man arrested for attacking his daughter with a lawn ornament. GNOME GNOME GNOME | (60) |
| (NWA Morning News) | |
Newspaper discovers college kids go out drinking Thursday, skip Friday classes, like terrible music, are unconcerned about your lawn | (87) |
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In an event that would never happen in the USA, British government orders profiteering gas and electricity bosses to give back their profits or face a big fine | (309) |
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Muskrat skinning a staple of the Miss Outdoors pageant. Captain & Tennille too shocked to comment | (47) |
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Mahmoud Ahmadiplomat makes the first ever trip to Iraq of an Iranian president. Flowers and delicious chocolates expected to flow freely | (88) |
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Reuters reports that 70% of Americans believe the media is out of touch which means the number is probably like 30% or something | (54) |
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If you're going to bust a meth lab, make sure it isn't delicious ginger beer brewing | (72) |
| (SBS) | |
Lack of sexual desire and infrequent intercourse are among the most common sexual problems experienced by New Zealanders, skin burns from sheep dip comes in third | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this kid and his antler | (59) |
| (WOAI) | |
Firefighters called to rescue 83-year-old man stuck in tree. He can has Elderday? | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
All that crap you're recycling? It's all ending up in the same place as the other non-recycled crap: The dumpster | (144) |
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Doctor speculates on famous assassination victims' wounds, says Julius Caesar would still be dead if stabbed today. Which is hardly surprising, since he'd be some 2100 years old | (106) |
Sat March 01, 2008
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USS New York, with steel from the World Trade Center, set for christening | (454) |
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"I hope it stays just like it is. It doesn't get any better than this" says woman about trailer park where she has lived for 64 years | (84) |
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Taliban forces say they knew Prince Harry was in Afghanistan, so there; "Our first option was to capture him as a prisoner, and the second, to kill him" | (125) |
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It's all fun and games until the cameraman films the license plate and uploads the footage to the web with keywords detailing your location | (89) |
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The world's poor will starve because Americans want ethanol for their hybrids: Free US food aid to other countries to be cut back due to 41 percent increase in grain costs | (330) |
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Man barbecuing in yard hears "big bang", rushes out front to find man dead in car wreck, not the forming universe he was hoping for | (37) |
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One in 10 nurses admit having affairs with patients in their care. Giggety | (215) |
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Photoshop this kid and his mop | (69) |
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You know you're a Canadian if....you have your own snow plow | (126) |
| (WFAA.com) | |
Lowering the hood on the car you just stole might improve your chances for making a clean getaway | (12) |
| (WXYZ-7) | |
Police officer is a ticket-writing machine, yet motorists he ticketed insist they didn't break the law and he reaps $21,000 in overtime pay thanks to traffic court | (159) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Group of cannibals jailed for inviting friend to dinner | (92) |
| (The Local) | |
Teacher warned for feeding students cat food, even though it is an improvement over cafeteria food | (38) |
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"I never thought I'd find myself saying 'thank God for Drudge'." | (233) |
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Atlanta Humane Society teaches pet owners "mouth to snout" resuscitation. Now you have an excuse for making out with your dog | (50) |
| (Some Girl) | |
Twelve is a little young for a tramp stamp, don't you think? | (289) |
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What do you call a chihuahua stranded in a tree 100 feet off the ground? Co-pilot | (27) |
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Massachusetts residents call graduation from NYU a "hollow ending" because the ceremony will be in Yankee Stadium | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The TSA has allowed $31,000,000 worth of travelers stuff to be stolen under is "watch." What does TSA stand for again? | (180) |
| (New York Daily News) | |
Man, you can't even give away free money in the middle of New York City without starting a damn riot | (36) |
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News: Man assaults woman and 63 year old man and flees, only to be tracked down later by the police who used the paperwork found in the folder he assaulted the man with and dropped. FARK: The paperwork was his anger management class homework | (40) |
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Pear of women crushed by falling trees rescued after people hear their cries fir help. Olive them expected to be A-oak | (53) |
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Man tries to climb fence to take a short cut. Since you're reading about it here, you know it didn't end well | (43) |
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Fisherman swims for twelve hours in shark infested waters to get help for his stranded friends. With pic of one really farking tired fisherman | (78) |
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Students question school's no hugging policy that still allows a "man hug" as long as it last longer than 2 seconds | (87) |
| (MLive) | |
Valet parkers at Ford International Airport in Grand Rapids, MI caught taking cars on joyrides, confirming Carmeron Frye's suspicion | (82) |
| (The Day) | |
There's nothing wrong with taking your pet for a ride in your car. Unless it's your pet boa constrictor which ends up inside your dashboard | (17) |
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Man is upset about high gas prices, so he beats up his wife. Why? Because it's Florida | (64) |
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Headlines made for Fark: Owner sues over stag's semen | (14) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this camera obscura booth | (56) |
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Nightclub left in the managerial hands of two 15-year olds. What could possibly go wrong? | (70) |
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Superfluous study finds that old people are cheered up by dogs and robots and bright shiny things. And Matlock | (59) |
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Frontman for OC punk band M.I.A. Michael Conley D.O.A. in Chicago | (150) |
| (Some Rescue Effort) | |
Cat stuck up a tree for two days. When fire crews and animal rescue workers fail to get him down, two people from the nearby library come to the rescue, thus ensuring a happy Caturday | (685) |
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Georgia Senate passes bill mandating the tracking of children's body mass index. The "After School Detention Gimme 50 Pushups, You Fat Ass Maggot" bill still in committee | (142) |
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Jack Thompson's Hawaiian home in danger of being destroyed by lava. "It's the safest place I've ever lived," he says | (74) |
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Turkish troops pull out of Northern Iraq, high-five Pakistan, promise to call | (38) |
| (Ze Local) | |
80-year-old man arrested for robbing bank. With a squirt gun. Then he soiled himself | (20) |
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It's never a good idea to go snowmobiling at night in your shorts after you've been drinking | (26) |
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Police chief uses staff to monitor rude Wikipedia comments about him (w/pic of intimidating, mustached crime fighter) | (79) |
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Man has friend shoot him in the shoulder so he doesn't have to take a drug test. Too bad by doing so he proved he was on drugs | (18) |
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Welshman covers house in 9,000 daffodils in honor of St. David's Day (pic) | (36) |
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Prince William the next royal headed to combat, Jenna and Barbara fighting hangovers | (152) |
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Photoshop theme: Find some new uses for obsolete technology | (66) |
| (KTUL) | |
Oklahoma news station shows its viewers exactly where there are old abandoned coal mines within Tulsa city limits. What could possibly go wrong? (with video and google map of said coal mines) | (62) |
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San Francisco Zoo visitor wisely decides not to taunt the tigers . . . by throwing acorns at the rhinos instead | (72) |
| (Muskegon Chronicle) | |
Soldier waits more than 30 minutes by the car to wait for shopper to come out of store to thank her for USA Flag sticker on her car; even gives her a salute. The tag is for both of them | (384) |
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Spectators needed for a bacon eating contest. OM NOM NOM NOM | (74) |
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In order to become a Boston fireman you must be able to cheat on a test without getting caught. The good news is, you can keep trying until you don't get caught | (38) |
Fri February 29, 2008
| (ABC7) | |
Remember, next time you're driving, if your dog doesn't click it, you'll get the ticket | (73) |
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Two women caught stealing over 100 spikes from railroad track ... OMG, MY EYES, THEY BURN | (170) |
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Two arrested after grave-robbing 1500 pounds of titanium left over from cremations from Tampa cemetery. In more startling news, Tampa cemeteries are apparently Terminator burial grounds | (68) |
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"If you have trouble getting your dog up in the morning, you might want to get this alarm clock" | (44) |
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TSG's weekly mugshot roundup chock full of DO NOT WANT | (203) |
| (KREM.com) | |
Barge barges into gate, locking-up lock | (22) |
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(Don't) Trust The Gorton's Fisherman | (72) |
| (Maclean's) | |
Man plans to stay in village he was born in, even though there are only four people left. Not even lack of road, garbage service, phone, and electricity will make him accept government's offer of $1.7 million to move | (82) |
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Colorado wants to build a state-of-the-art solar energy research center with arrays of mirrors reflecting sunlight...right near the world's tenth busiest airport. What could possibly go wrong? | (76) |
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You don't have to worry about driving your bus off a bridge in Atlanta anymore. They've put up some signs | (48) |
| (Citizen Times) | |
Casanova sends his girlfriend on a nearly seven-hour scavenger hunt with a surprise ending | (159) |
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Ugly-ass echidna unveiled at Cleveland zoo. Yeah... I'd never heard of them either (with pics) | (69) |
| (Some Embarrased Guy) | |
Perhaps the best scam ever | (99) |
| (Daily Record) | |
Forgotten boxes of plutonium discovered by cleaners at British school. Pu Pu Pu | (93) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If only National Grammar Day could get half the attention that Talk Like A Pirate Day does | (85) |
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Fast and the Injurious: Flip Over A Cliff Drift | (58) |
| (Some Tfette) | |
Photoshop these swallows | (76) |
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Betting pool begins as to when the space shuttle Endeavour will ACTUALLY launch | (28) |
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Some high schools are so competitive, students resort to cheating because actually studying would make them like so uncool | (88) |
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Cute-ass baby giraffe debuts at LA Zoo | (28) |
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Aren't they normally that color? IHOP adds "Green Eggs and Ham" to menu as Dr. Seuss promotion | (45) |
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Today's "armed man causes school lockdown" brought to you by Pasadena, CA | (85) |
| (Some Thong Sniffer) | |
Victoria's Secret CEO wants to change company's sexy image, collect early severance package | (256) |
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School suspends students for taking too much time to buy $2 lunch ... with pennies | (140) |
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Not news in 1958: Quaker pacifist fired for not signing loyalty oath. Fark in 2008: Quaker pacifist fired for not signing loyalty oath | (231) |
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Good times. Have a chuckle at this 2002 Fark thread about gas prices "skyrocket " to $1.62 | (219) |
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Skateboarding teen crawls for help after train cuts off his leg. Police are unsure exactly what occurred but say they should know the whole story when his buddies upload it to YouTube | (93) |
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US Treasury secretary wants to eliminate pennies. Next step is getting rid of dollar bills and putting more two-dollar bills out there, because hard-working American strippers deserve a raise | (229) |
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If something bad happens to Matt Drudge in the next few weeks the House of Windsor would like you to know now that they didn't have anything to do with it | (321) |
| (PT Leader) | |
"Murphy's Law applies to everyone, evidently, even criminals" | (56) |
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Body of missing model found. Husband calls off the search for the rest of her | (194) |
| (WBNS-10TV) | |
Dentists in Ohio caught using reverse alchemy to turn gold teeth into lead | (94) |
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The US to construct 40,000 Super Whooping-Crane-O-Matics | (80) |
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Watch as this camera-man obviously zooms in on woman-shopper's booty during a video about the mom and daughter shoplifters. Stay classy, ABC | (181) |
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Brett Favre retirement announcement an error, just like his decision to play another year | (85) |
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Gunmen take Chaldean Bishop. US officials say their next move might be airstrikes or Queen to Bishop 6 | (54) |
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Chavez wants to exhume Simon Bolivar's corpse in an attempt to prove that he didn't die of tuberculosis. BRAIIINS | (74) |
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If you're going to rob a Git-N-Go, don't leave behind a jacket that contains your W-2 form | (33) |
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A survey of 2,000 primary school teachers found two-thirds of them thought sex education should be compulsory in their schools, including hands-on lab work | (43) |
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The 10 best cars in America. Not surprising: only one is a US brand. Surprising: two are Hyundais | (461) |
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The Kremlin are planning to rig the results of the Russian Presidential election on Sunday, and they're not being subtle about it | (122) |
| (Boing Boing) | |
Billboard Liberation Front helps out AT&T with its immunity campaign | (160) |
| (WESH-2) | |
Red light cameras being installed at Orlando intersections; if drivers run a red light, they get a stiffly worded letter from the United Nations | (53) |
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$31-a-gallon gas shocks motorists (with pic goodness) | (118) |
| (New York Times) | |
Bogus study claims American kids are stupid, New York Times uses it to bash Bush and claim its own failure is because Americans are too stupid to appreciate it | (515) |
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Principal raps to students. Yo. Word | (70) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Housing prices an obstacle to economic growth in Boston: "I can't get people to move from Cleveland to here" | (162) |
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MD to hire two toy inspectors to check for lead content after old system of "If it sinks it must be lead free and if it floats it must have lead in it and we must burn it at the stake" system found to have too many holes | (40) |
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Obama, an African Warlord Bush, a wizard from Narnia? Now, that's foreign policy | (146) |
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If you're cited for DUI and immediately released from custody on your own recognizance, you shouldn't keep driving around afterwards. Especially if you're a cabbie | (14) |
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British soldiers on joint military exercises in Norway take time out to get naked at a local bar | (63) |
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The Economist is becoming increasingly popular in America, taking market share from TIME and Newsweek thanks to its intelligent celebritard-free journalism | (210) |
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Larry King gets dancing lessons from Janet Jackson. It's not news, it's CNN | (44) |
| (Brooklyn Paper) | |
Photoshop this newspaper editor and the Brooklyn borough president | (52) |
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Cloth diapers are making a comeback. It's a green movement | (322) |
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Man who tried to have sex with pavement escapes being put on the sex offenders register, presumably because there's no chance any road in England would be under 18 years old | (91) |
| (My Fox Orlando) | |
Orlando man plans to celebrate leap year by leaping off of a 12 foot ladder 366 times. Why? Because it's Florida | (67) |
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Scientist blames "lucifer effect" for turning good soldiers evil at Abu Ghraib. Submitter prefers the old term: "human nature" | (168) |
| (NBC5i) | |
Not news: Mother snoops around room while daughter is at high school. Fark: She finds daughter's 27 year old boyfriend | (1347) |
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Israeli minister drops the H-bomb | (650) |
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Pope Benedict XVI to arrive in DC by April. Washington Nationals say they hope he can fill leadership role in the clubhouse and expect to use him primarily in center field if he passes his physical | (31) |
| (Bradenton Herald) | |
Student's gun jams while trying to shoot teacher | (118) |
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"... The man admitted taking the goat to the back of the property, attempting to have sex with it before doing up his trousers, patting the goat and walking away." | (86) |
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Oil hits $103 a barrel on news of Prince Harry being pulled from Afghanistan | (47) |
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Turkish troops withdraw from Zap region of Iraq, however, fierce fighting continues in Bam and Pow. No word from Pew Pew Pew either | (46) |
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Town branded "unpatriotic" for refusing to pay fireman $7,000 for work clothes he doesn't need because he's spending a year fighting in Iraq | (118) |
| (Some Guy) | |
1924 shipwreck recently uncovered from sands. Bonus: Ship was named "Acme," thus becoming an iconic symbol for hungry coyotes everywhere | (33) |
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The man who decided to walk from England to India with no money, in order to prove a point about the kin |