If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
GoogleWeb Fark
These links may be stale and generate errors. Can't do much about it. Tastes like chicken.

(Headline T-Shirts are still available for archive links.)
Sun February 24, 2008
The Sun Sad What is the sound of one Buddhist monk being swallowed by a lawnmower? (58)
IndyStar Amusing Plane lands, gets fixed over two hours, then is allowed to take off again on Interstate 70 (with pic) (24)
Seattle Times Silly The cutest ugly ass orangutan twins you'll see in 40 years (check out second baby pic) (18)
BBC Unlikely Putin called "harmful to democracy" in recent poll of Western nations. Shockingly, polls of Russia indicate people love him to pieces. Irony tag deported to gulag (79)
Google Survey "Nothing is obscure on Fark." Test that maxim by quoting from you favorite obscure movie, book, or song, and see if you can Stump the Farkers (1454)
Examiner Hero Website that helps people with unwanted pets find new owners was created by... eleven year old girl (51)
PCWorld PSA If you are reading this on a Samsung P10 notebook computer you might want to get it off your lap (50)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this riveting scene (36)
News.com.au Obvious Muslim college students in Australia want universities to cater to their needs by rescheduling classes around prayers and separating men from the women in the cafeteria so men don't get cooties (325)
Fox News Spiffy Los Angeles tap water judged tastiest in world (133)
MSNBC Unlikely Midwife says she can help women in labor have the "Big-O" instead of the "big ouch" when squeezing out their little snow flake (163)
St. Pete Times Florida Grandmother starts crusade against Jehovah's Witnesses after they let her grandson die by not allowing blood transfusions. "You are all murderers" (331)
(NWA Morning News) Sappy Pongo the dog finds way home 17 days after tornado devastates town. Wants GPS navigation system, steak (21)
CSMonitor Hero Iraqi interpreter, rebuilding a life in America, enlists as a U.S. soldier (183)
BBC Dumbass Cake 1, Man 0 (135)
News.com.au Spiffy Raid - kills bugs dead. And fights off sword-wielding would-be robbers, too (43)
(Some Guy) Scary Finally, a hot 27 year-old woman is given a sentence equivocal to a man's sentence for molesting a 13 year-old. Except she didn't molest him, and now her life is destroyed by a "mandatory minimum sentence" measure (240)
(Car And Driver) Strange Honda introduces the Puyo: A soft, seamless, cartoon-like vehicle that glows in the dark and talks to passing pedestrians while stopped in traffic. In other news, welcome to Japan (113)
AFP Asinine 1. Join South Korean army. 2. Get so stressed out you go bald. 3. Demand government compensation. 4. Profit, big time (26)
CNN News In a stunning turn of events, Raul Castro chosen as new Cuban president (179)
CNN Hero 12-year old girl saves siblings from fire, gains leverage for when she wants a car (17)
Chicago Tribune Dumbass Not news: Driver just can't wait to get his order at the Pancake House One, uses the drive-thru window. Fark: Pancake House One doesn't have a drive-thru window. Or at least didn't (22)
(Star) Unlikely Katie Holmes' eyes, Katherine Heigl's nose, Keira Knightley's cheeks, Jessica Simpson's long blonde hair and Angelina Jolie's lips = Perfect Woman (517)
NJ.com Spiffy Good: To celebrate the 100th anniversary of train service between NY & NJ, PATH will allow passengers to ride free on Monday. Bad: Last stop, Newark (33)
(Some Reflective Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this reflective river (55)
(Boing Boing) Sick Candidate for worst cartoon product licensing of the year: The Spongebob Squarepants rectal thermometer. Wrong on sooo many levels (126)
Washington Post Florida "This is Miami. People have sloths and leopards and God knows what else" (29)
(Some Rummy) Amusing No matter how drunk you are, it doesn't give you free license to urinate in front of the police station in the middle of the afternoon (31)
BBC Hero Woman brings a beer to a knife fight...you can see where this is going (30)
(Some Guy) Followup Swedes are angry about the penis. Penis (60)
(KETV) Asinine Four-year old shows cops how to smoke marijuana. With "Get her the hell outta here, Lance" mugshot (86)
(Some Guy) Sad He jumped onto the car and held on as his girlfriend wove along Route 202 with the car's air bag inflated. She eventually stopped the car and hit him with it (38)
NPR NewsFlash Ralph Nader announces presidential bid on 'Meet the Press' (1080)
AP Amusing IRS audits 7-year old for $60,000 in back taxes (59)
(The Local) Amusing Woman leaves her autistic son alone at airport, finds him again in central Stockholm with millions in blackjack winnings. Rainman (49)
Yahoo Hero Skier survives massive Alaska avalanche, promptly stutters, "T-t-t-a-a-a D-d-d-d-a-a-a" (24)
Cleveland Ironic News: Fraud prevention expert accused of embezzlement. Fark: Again (16)
(Some Guy) Florida Liquor store employee tries to turn $1600 cash deposit into big Bingo winnings. Game over B-4 she knew it (30)
Lancashire Evening Post Interesting On the day of the 80th annual Academy Awards, the top 10 films which should have won an Oscar but didn't (437)
(theMaineedge.com) Dumbass When the cop asks if there is any pot in the car the answer should be yes or no. He already knows that there shouldn't be any. (last story) (44)
CBC Dumbass Need a belly laugh to brighten your day? Ahmadinejad says U.S., allies should 'apologize' for sanctions on Iran (105)
(Some Guy) Florida Mother of the year to 3 year old daughter at Valentine's Day party: “If you don’t stop doing what you were doing I’m going to throw you in the trash can. No, seriously, I’m going to throw you in the trash can.” (120)
TC Palm Florida Florida DUI Rehab Director arrested for .336 DUI (91)
Reuters Asinine White House announces domestic wiretaps are back on. So remember citizens, in God we trust, everyone else we monitor (163)
(Some Educated Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this school (52)
(Some Sculptor) Cool Some of the coolest paper sculptures you'll see in the next 26 minutes (53)
Daily Mail Amusing The latest thing to offend Muslims: Doritos (319)
Yahoo Obvious Gates: Military assaults will not solve problem of terrorists. Now they tell us (45)
Canada.com Interesting A horse is a horse, of courts of courts (49)
AP Scary Government report says only 1 in 4 know symptoms of heart attack, which include shortness of breath, pain in ... "Ack" (74)
(Some Guy) Sad Boy, 16, has sex with girl, 13, and now is a registered sex offender for life. In the complex process of determining guilt and innocence, lives often hang in the balance (600)
Guardian.com Interesting According to NASA, there are now 9,000 pieces of orbiting junk including pliers, cameras, rocket launchers, a glove and over 200 dead satellites. Fred Sanford enroute (109)

Sat February 23, 2008
Dayton Daily News Hero "Punch it, Chewie" - Shih-tzu saves owner's life by administering Heimlich maneuver. Laugh it up, fuzzball (63)
Denver Post Interesting Mike Huckabee gets pysched up for his appearance on "Saturday Night Live" tonight by hanging out with Focus on the Family founder James Dobson (121)
(Some Guy) Florida Homeless man calls 911, asks to go to jail. Refused. Calls again. Arrested for abusing 911 service. Finally finds place to sleep (81)
I Heart Chaos Amusing Who knew that hiring a woman could be so complicated? Handy guide from 1943 on handling the emotional minefield that are female employees (240)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this flower (70)
Denver Post Cool Man survives getting run over by a 76 car freight train, taken to hospital with non-life threatening injuries. After being pulled from under the second engine, police note the man "smelled of alcohol." (43)
(NY Times) Obvious The bride wore a tramp-stamp (534)
Free Press Cool Sports Bar has its sights set on getting in the Guinness World Records book with its 150-pound burger. OM NOM NOM NOM (45)
Free Press Dumbass Cop chickens out of paying a poultry sum at Buffalo Wild Wings, finds himself eating crow after being fired for his fowl deed (56)
Toronto Star Amusing "Philippe Daniel opens a slim briefcase so buyers can glimpse his wares, then snaps it shut with a wary glance over his shoulder. Daniel is not dealing in contraband but in truffles" (36)
Yahoo Interesting If it weren't for YouTube, a man wearing a little black dress and a pearl necklace would be unlikely to get a question in for the leader of the Spanish opposition. No one expects the Spanish Opposition (32)
BBC Obvious Report discovers that History exams are harder than Geography exams, Chemistry is tougher than Biology, and Media Studies is slightly more difficult than finding your arse with both hands (108)
(Duluth News Tribune) Scary Yes, walking into a crowded college lecture hall carrying a wooden stick and a leather whip will get you arrested. With a "I was just released from a 18-month mental health commitment" mug shot (69)
AP Florida Problem: State law prohibits using red-light camera to issue traffic tickets. Solution: Call them "civil infractions" instead. All in the name of safety, of course (125)
College Humor Amusing The newest weapon for DOOM isn't a portal gun. It's 1000 times better (131)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest panorama of the overview of Springfield in the Simpsons intro you'll see all day (42)
Daily Mail Stupid British Medical Association last week: Bars need to close earlier because the UK is facing a binge-drinking epidemic. BMA this week: Can our headquarters bar stay open 2 hours later? Please? Pretty please with a Zoloft on top? (23)
(Some Guy) Cool Your time waster for today - Grid 16 (73)
BBC Dumbass One police officer nudged another with his van as a prank, spilling the other's tea. He then rubbed tea-soaked towels over the first cop, someone's got eight stitches, people are suspended, and basically, hilarity did not ensue (24)
Fox News Florida School bus driver arrested for sending sexual text messages to students with a "do not want" picture (63)
CNN Unlikely According to the Serbian government, who's to blame for the rioting and burning of the US embassy? Hint: It has 50 states, the best BBQ, and is bigger than a breadbox (154)
Time Unlikely Researcher claims he has found the Ark of the Covenant in this "shaggy Ark" story. Don't look at it, no matter what happens (77)
AP Obvious People with apostrophes in their names find they cause all sorts of trouble. Oh, for De'Love O'Christ (85)
Fox News Asinine First, it was canned burgers. Now, it's hot dogs from a vending machine (57)
Independent Followup Rioters go up 2-0 versus embassies, this is your official eastern European implosion thread (133)
TBO Stupid Connoisseurs complain newer wines have too much alcohol, confirming what everyone suspected about wine connoisseurs (87)
(Some Guy) Cool Google announces a lunar X prize: $30 million for a machine that sends video back from the moon. No word on the prize for a machine that sends back video from a soundstage in Arizona (50)
MTV Amusing "An addiction to a drug is no different than an addiction to Harry Potter or the Internet or pornography." (125)
(The Local) Scary Heavy storms with hurricane winds sweep southern Sweden, killing 2,000 trees and causing one man to trip and stub his toe (31)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop Dwight Howard and his Superman-like slam dunk (55)
(ocala.com) Dumbass Shoplifting, fleeing naked while covered in dirt and leaves and attacking a police dog is no way to go through life, son (24)
(Some Snowplowing Guy) Scary That feeling of a light breeze and snow falling on you is nice while camping. Not so much when you're in your living room (w/ vid) (26)
(Some Guy) Interesting Countries ranked by life expectancy (276)
(Tribune Review) Dumbass News: Woman convicted of homicide gets life sentence. Fark: for involvement in plot to rob man of drugs, money and weapons, but which only netted clothes, toiletries and $2 in quarters (w/mugshot) (35)
(Some Guy) Amusing We're sorry we changed your insurance carrier, have some phone sex instead (17)
Daily Mail Unlikely After years of bullying and abuse, man finds perfect solution. "Now nobody messes with me." (113)
DallasNews Spiffy Dallas to start ticketing dope-smokers, instead of arresting them. Now if they could only remember their court dates (52)
Baltimore Sun Spiffy Judge hits insurance company with $9 million judgement for cancelling womans coverage in the middle of cancer treatment, as part of program where employees got bonuses for cancelling coverage (193)
ABC News Interesting Memory man can remember what he had on his burger on a Wednesday in 1965 (79)
Independent Strange Female city planner caught trading approval of high-rise erections in return for another sort of erection. Penis (47)
BBC Obvious Firm fined for foul Firth Forth filth flow following facility failure, flubbed fix. Finally (36)
Yahoo Cool Mexican brides and grooms who get cold feet before walking down the aisle will have to pay their significant other for the inconvenience (16)
BBC Scary North Korea detains Russian ship... hmm, this should be good (56)
(www.wptv.com) Florida Dumb: Using a taser on your friend while goofing around. Dumber: You're both courthouse deputies on duty. Dumbest: Captured on surveillance video (37)
Daily Mail Spiffy Man wins £1 million on 50p bet with 8-race accumulator. Yes, that's 2,000,000:1 odds. Lucky bastard (40)
(Some Guy) Cool Garfield, but without all the Garfield (163)
(UfoSpider) Strange Arizona firefighters trained for possible UFO invasion? Proof inside official training manual (59)
BBC Unlikely Saudis arrest guys for "wearing indecent clothes, playing loud music and dancing in order to attract the attention of girls." New Jersey needs this law (71)
News.com.au Unlikely French president wants French cuisine declared a world heritage item. Because nothing says "world heritage" like assorted sauteed garden pests covered with garlic and runny melted cheese (116)
Boston Globe Scary It's that time of year: The running of the Bridezillas. With an entire slideshow of scary pics (230)
EITB24 Interesting Moroccan jailed over impersonating prince on Facebook (25)
News.com.au Amusing Bride-to-be suing groom-not-to-be after running away with another woman-soon-to-be. During the wedding vows (33)
AP Spiffy Meatloaf the cat discovered in storage container after three week cross-country trek. To be flown home to Florida just in time for Caturday (627)
Reuters Interesting Your pee-pee hurts because of your filthy pets, not Craigslist. Penis (52)
(Some TFette) Photoshop Theme: You are what you eat. Photoshop the consequences of taking in too much of your favorite food or drink. (LGT example under "Health Effects") (43)
WFTV Florida Convicted murderer lists 70 reasons why he shouldn't get death penalty, including that he was a good athlete and sucked his fingers as a child (57)
The Sun Obvious British Airways offering free, two-week, anywhere in the world vacations to passengers who survived a crash of one of its jets last month. Yeah, like they just can't wait to get on a plane again (44)
The Sun Followup Remember the British guy who won the lottery and it was revealed he could die at any minute because of a heart condition? He almost did, but now is going to be fine. Money changes everything (37)
Sign On San Diego Stupid Problem: your transit system has a declining budget. Solution: raise fares and give the CEO a 10% ($24k) raise and $10,000 bonus (69)
Canada.com Obvious Canada runs out of salt to put on its roads this winter. Good thing it never snows in Canada in February. Or March. Or April (73)
(Diphenhydramine) Asinine Teens overdose on Benadryl, doctor blames "the Internet." Because nobody ever heard of Benadryl before the Internet came along (111)
The Sun Interesting Massive new telescope to scour universe for signs of alien life, streetlights (37)
Stuff Dumbass Guy fined 32 times for refusing to wear a seatbelt. Decides to install a fake one in his car. Finds out the hard way that it doesn't work like a real one (205)
(Some Guy) Obvious Founder of the company that makes Enzyte could be facing 20 years of research on natural male enhancement. Smiling Bob approves (131)
SMH Scary Yeah, I'm sorry I cut off that guy's penis, my bad. Penis (42)
Sign On San Diego Misc Defendant on trial for killing another man uses the "coming right at me" defense. Yes, that's an actual quote (72)
Telegraph Interesting You know who else painted Disney characters during the Second World War? (72)
(Some Guy) Scary For the first time in history, every single jail cell in England was full last night (68)

Fri February 22, 2008
Daily Mail Interesting Woman who builds up "freakishly" large amounts of static electricity in her body has destroyed 55 appliances just by touching them and can't ever use a computer (w/ shocking pic) (201)
Daily Mail Asinine Woman has her kids taken away for five years after asshat doctor mistakes cancer for child abuse, calls social services (119)
(KUAM) NewsFlash If a B2 Stealth Bomber crashes at Anderson AFB are there any witnesses? (340)
DallasNews Dumbass Conceited HUD secretary loves himself so much he plasters self portraits all over Federal Building's lobby (with video of bizarre shrine) (32)
(Lohud.com) Scary Man sitting in his car decides to light up a smoke, discovers the hard way that the acetylene tank in his trunk was leaky (42)
(Halon Colider) Photoshop Photoshop this crazy physicist and his sidewalk-chalk drawn formula (94)
London Times Amusing Guido pics confound London Times. It thinks they may be eastern European (161)
Telegraph Obvious "Any pressure group wishing to draw attention to something - child abuse, repetitive-strain injury, dangerous dogs, etc - says there is an 'epidemic' of it. Epidemic is a word that can frighten publicity-conscious politicians." (44)
Sign On San Diego Spiffy Looking for some thrills? The occasionally interactive big cat exhibit at the San Francisco zoo just reopened (56)
CBS Chicago Weeners Chicago-area fourth graders' field trip is ruined by a naked guy masturbating while driving next to their bus. In his defense, their school is called Wood View Elementary (113)
(995fm.com) Dumbass Today's dumbass teens arrested for using MySpace for threats brought to you by New Orleans: We'll take "all our guns and go in and kill everyone" at area mall (53)
(Some Blog) Cool Hottest Chicks of the 80's make you: Dream a little Flamingo Kid in the Valley of Wierd Science when the night of the comet makes you feel like a nerd who would be better off dead than joining the police academy to be a Beverly Hills cop (263)
The Smoking Gun Amusing The Smoking Gun's weekly mugshot roundup starts off with hittable goodness, then it gets weird (306)
Denver Channel Dumbass Two bank tellers help themselves to $1.2 million of customers' money. Would have gotten away with it if not for computers, cameras, and customers who know how much money they have (38)
(Some Guy) Cool And now for something completely different. A school bus on skis (60)
SuperDeluxe Amusing Dick Durbin and Chuck Schumer living together: The Odd Couple on Capitol Hill (117)
Stuff Interesting Over 300,000 New Zealanders sign petition for the right to smack the living crap out of their children (344)
Sun Sentinel Florida It's all fun and games until some drunk breaks out a taser at his mother's birthday party (46)
CNN Interesting Arizona to become the "Persian Gulf of Solar Energy." Hopefully one with fewer explosions (109)
TampaBays10.com Florida Golden glove boxer arrested for fighting with his girlfriend tries to fight arresting deputies. With guess-who-lost mug shot goodness (79)
(Some Guy) Strange Historic hotel owned by successful romance novelist trembles under the turgid force and musky heat of explosion rocking its lower extremities (137)
ABC News Followup SMU finally agrees to host Bush Presidential library, White House immediately starts transferring all the coloring books he has finished (191)
(Some Guy) Strange Man carrying dog skull, sword, knife and Molotov cocktail prompts call (70)
(myTelus) Amusing Cat goes missing while carpenter is fixing wall. I think you can see where this is going (138)
Local10 NewsFlash Plane with landing gear trouble to cra-- uh, land at Miami airport. Gets full, second by second update on CNN, who hasn't had a good plane crash footage in six and a half years now (164)
CBS Baltimore Dumbass Man claims he is 24's Jack Bauer and rams car because driver was a terrorist (57)
(FamilyTalk?) Asinine You know those "how's my driving?" stickers you see on commercial vehicles? Well now douchey parents can put them on their kids' cars (340)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Should your car break down after a hard day of shoplifting, steal a nondescript vehicle, such as a fire truck, to complete your escape (w/ pic of the criminal mastermind) (66)
WFTV Florida Man and wife have argument over which one is too drunk to drive. Man gets behind wheel and accidently runs over wife. That answers that (41)
Forbes Spiffy In honor of it finally snowing this winter, NYC Mayor offers New Yorkers free hot chocolate and free sled rentals. And, even better, alternate side of the street parking is suspended (69)
Guardian.com Amusing Wanted: Teenage Pregnancy Implementation Manager. Position expected to be vacant again in 9 months. And in 18 months. And in 27 months… (57)
Fox News Interesting Crack HAZMAT team assembled to recover the remains of shot-down satellite that absolutely did not contain any nuclear weapons, no matter where on earth it impacts (102)
Rocky Mountain News Asinine Denver debates whether providing condoms in public schools will lead to promiscuity, because nothing makes sex more irresistible to a teenager than sex with free condoms (116)
Local6 Dumbass Man tapes knives to hand "Wolverine-style" to attack police (78)
Toledo Blade Amusing "Thank you for calling the city purchasing department. Our mayor is a complete moron" (45)
TampaBays10.com Florida Two girls banned from flying on Southwest Airlines say are they being mistreated because they are too pretty. Guess it has nothing to do with acting like jackasses on the plane. With 'you decide' video (659)
Fox News News US Embassy workers in Serbia ordered home. Estimated lifespan of new Belgrade bridges reduced drastically (139)
ABC News Ironic Conservative media attacks New York Times, because after all THEY would never, EVER run a smear against a Democratic candidate. Next on Fox: Obama wants illegal aliens to eat your mother (219)
ABC News Interesting Having a cat lowers your heart attack risk, but raises your die-alone-among-47-cats risk (101)
AFP Interesting Next plague likely to come from wildlife in poor tropical country. QUICK SOMEONE CUT FLORIDA LOOSE (38)
CNN Stupid There aint no party like a Mugabe house party (69)
FARK Photoshop Photoshop theme: Advertise a product that no one would ever want (176)
(IHT.com) Interesting A man a plan a Korean a canal Lana can a er ok anal. Panama (125)
(Daily Express) Cool Six-year old girl is pecked by a swan, demands to know whose swans they are. Mother tells her the swans belong to the Queen, girl fires off angry letter. Bonus: Queen sends her back an apology (115)
(Some Guy) Interesting Limerick leads Ireland for divorce / It's unclear what exactly's the source / It seems a disaster / That the rate's gettin' faster / It's the children who lose out, of course (46)
(Jumper) Cool Problem: Hayden Christensen's performance in Jumper. Solution: Video game contains no Hayden Christensen. (Sponsored Link) (143)
(KOB TV-4 News) Dumbass Woman who gambled away husband's $80 of gas money robs gas station to make up for loss (w/scary mugshot) (55)
(MLive.com) Sad Noithing says "thanks" quite like burglarizing the couple who helps free your car from a snowbank (65)
(Tech Digest) Cool Harley Davidson owners get their own social network, with photos of big beards and big bellies a-plenty. And that's just the women (185)
This Is Local London Amusing Adverts for webcam strippers aren't news when you see them on the internet. When you see them in a London job centre, that's another story (36)
(Omaha) Sick Early front runner for mother-of-the-year award photoshops her teenage daughter's head onto porn images (240)
Boston Herald Followup There is no evidence that the Boston firemen who died last summer were drunk or on drugs, absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount which we chose not to look at (39)
(Some Guy) Interesting A guide to words used regularly in journalism that no one ever says in real life (150)
(dailytimes.com.pk) Unlikely Russia starts work on $6 million UFO centre. SHADO to continue interceptor launches till further notice (72)
Daily Mail Weird Woman on the verge of death comes out of coma after her husband gives her a good tongue lashing (598)
Chicago Sun-Times Obvious After much research on the subject of why kids play, top researchers have come to the conclusion that it's because playing is fun. Next up: why people go to work -- is it to earn "money"? (225)
This Is Local London Interesting Group of schoolchildren discover dead body on their lunchbreak. Unforunately there were only three of them and they had no dog, so they're leaving the case to the police (76)
(Gwinnett Daily Post) Scary You would think that a person wouldn't mount a loaded, cocked assault rifle on the wall. Then again, you wouldn't expect a rifle mounted on the wall to go around shooting people, either (146)
(Leamington Spa Courier) Amusing Dog on walk disappears for nearly two hours, returns bathed, blow-dried and styled; owner believes it was either dognapped by aliens or fell foul of a "secret dog shampoo army" (160)
Guardian.com Strange Many reminisce about going back to high school, but usually not dressed in wig and schoolgirl uniform (73)
Boston Globe Silly In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. In Rhode Island, the knife can be used like a road (55)
(MyFoxOrlando) Florida Driver tries to pass a car on the road and forgets an important rule of passing: houses have the right-of-way (31)
(Sheboygan Press) Dumbass Man runs from department store with stolen jacket, then wears it when police call him in for an interview (20)
MSNBC Amusing Country song theme: man loses his truck and his dog. New twist: the man's dog is the one who stole the truck (30)
BBC Scary When looking for a surefire way to win your girl's heart back, should you try: A) flowers, B) an honest, emotional letter, or C) shooting her fiance's testicles off during their wedding? (170)
Metro Strange Please remove all intravenous drips from your arms before operating motor vehicles (13)
(Some Guy) Asinine Man makes it easy for judge by showing up to DUI hearing with BAC of .35 (56)
Local6 Stupid Man arrested for sneaking hacksaw into metal hospital. It didn't miter that he was trying to help them cope (70)
News.com.au Dumbass Former mayor sentenced to two months in jail for stealing city funds, with which he bought a refrigerator, women's underwear, hair dyes, and a Darth Vader voice distorter. The dumbass is strong with this one (41)
Telegraph Obvious Top 50 children's books of all time. "You're The Reason Daddy Drinks" inexplicably absent (362)
Reuters NewsFlash Turkey army launches land offensive into Iraq. This can only end well (287)
Reuters Amusing Celebrities Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher and Madonna are among hundreds of patrons of a New York bar being urged by New York health officials on Thursday to get a Hepatitis A vaccination after a bartender was found to be infected. PUNK'D (47)
Telegraph Dumbass Grotesquely obese man doesn't understand all the fuss after he called fire crews four times in a week to help him stand up. "Sometimes I slide to the floor in my living room, and it's hard to get back up," he explains (278)
Telegraph Unlikely Hillary Clinton's desperate campaign staff open phone helpline where supporters can call in with ideas on how to beat Obama. No doubt you've got a few, thread voting enabled (454)
CNN Photoshop Photoshop this competitor (69)
ABC News Obvious Ugly-ass red panda born in Brooklyn (pic) (50)
Yahoo Scary Daytime dozing may be warning sign of stroke, heart attacks, guys with razor-sharp claws (42)
(KXII) Stupid Woman torches city building because she's "tired of looking at it" (37)
Telegraph Obvious Hearse clamped by parking wardens while on way to funeral, luckily the passenger wasn't in any hurry to get there (28)
BBC Stupid Sixteen year old Argentine girl has triplets. Again. Making seven in all (118)
AZCentral Strange Phoenix's Sheriff Joe Arpaio personally ends armed standoff by convincing gunman to give up. Fark: Gunman is 91 years old, on oxygen, and confined to a wheelchair (45)
MSNBC Followup One coroner says second autopsy reveals Drew Peterson's third wife was murdered after fourth wife goes missing almost five months ago (46)
(WWL-TV) Amusing Mayor of New Orleans loses his damn mind, makes on-camera threat to meet TV news director "out in the parking lot having a good one on one" (98)
TBO Florida Toddler's Elmo Knows Your Name doll becomes possessed by Satan, makes death threats against Captain Kirk (70)
CNN Misc Plane crashes in the Andes. Searchers drop charcoal, barbecue sauce and copies of"To Serve Man" in area (40)
(Some Cop Killer) Dumbass Labelling your shotgun shells "for cops" may not help you in court when pleading not guilty to attempted murder (21)
UPI Florida O.J. Simpson's girlfriend leaves the hospital after a 10-day stay recovering from a fall. Yeah, that's the ticket (51)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Florida landlord offers 25% discount for renters who just say no (54)
News.com.au Weird The newly turfed-out conservative party in Australia brings a life-size cardboard cutout of the Prime Minister into Parliment. Then it gets really, really stupid (31)
Local6 Florida "Man waits turn in line, robs bank" (19)
Des Moines Register Misc Article mentions horses and facials, yet is completely SFW. Sorry (53)

Thu February 21, 2008
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this horrible mutant lovecraftian lemon (115)
(KSFY) Obvious Before: "My landlord is going to be so excited when I tell him I solved the frozen pipe problem once and for all." (100)
(WTNH - CT) Dumbass "Surveillance photos show a robber that walked into a Subway and pulled out a rock" (67)
Reuters Followup Nevada earthquake only causes minor injuries, negligent damage, aside from demolishing historic 140-year-old brothel. Guess God doesn't support single moms after all (50)
Yahoo Amusing Huffington Post journalist meekly points out that Obama might not be perfect. Enraged mob en route with torches, pitchforks (859)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Woman "loses" wedding ring in the snow, at her home. If only there was a process to adjust the internal energy of a solid substance to a specific temperature until it changes to a liquid phase. If only (75)
Salon Obvious Congressional Republicans have reached such a state of deranged fever that their ads in favor of unlimited government power are now shot for shot remakes of "24" (552)
Reason Magazine Obvious Montana hints at secession should SCOTUS rule against gun rights in Heller case. Let submitter be the first to say, farewell, aufwiedersehen, goodbye (412)
Rocky Mountain News Cool Wolves have been removed from the Endangered Species List. Your dog says those damn sheep in the back yard are on their own (72)
News.com.au Scary Today's pitbull attack story comes from Sydney, Australia. Bonus: it was eventually killed by a carpenter with a nail gun (211)
(Boulder Daily Camera) Obvious "An order of ice cubes, soda and cut fruit with a side of naked ladies ought to fit under Boulder's definition of restaurant" (65)
CNN Scary Just what I wanna be thinking in class: Stay awake, stay awake, stay awake... OMG I SHOT ME (314)
CBS Dallas/Ft. Worth Interesting Test-Prep Company : College Board :: Lawsuit : ________ (127)
Gizmodo Asinine RIAA training video: Music piracy is a gateway to drug dealing and terrorism (220)
Des Moines Register Interesting City starts fining parents whose little snowflakes break a law or violate curfew. The ACLU is there (130)
Valleywag Scary Gene Simmons's lawyer confirms sex tapes, love handles are authentic. With cease and desist goodness. LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY (240)
Deceiver Ironic Did New York Times executive editor Bill Keller have an affair? In other news, you don't have to provide any evidence as long as you're "just asking questions" (162)
Miami Herald PSA Dave Barry will send you a prize if you get a colonoscopy (114)
Starpulse Silly And now, the latest issue to radically divide the public and polarize the opinions of many: guyliner (261)
Baltimore Sun PSA Raeding and math are mour impourtent then the other three subjecks; social studys, sciance, art, and musik (179)
Breitbart.tv Followup It's bad enough the Kosovo protesters torched the US embassy, but did they have to moon the news cameras? NSFW (80)
AP NewsFlash Chopper carrying Senators Kerry, Hagel and Biden makes emergency landing in Afghanistan. Kerry submits application for Purple Heart by Blackberry before rotors stop spinning (419)
(Some Guy) Scary Weather in Kentucky has forced the closing of the Jim Beam distillery. EVERYBODY PANIC (103)
(WWL) Amusing After being banned from a local mall, teens plan boycott of said mall. Yeah, that'll teach those store owners (268)
Telegraph Followup Steven Wright found guilty of killing five hookers. Why do they call them that if they don't even fish? (188)
(some seacoastonline) Amusing ♫ Take a little trip. Take a little trip. Take a little trip with me-ee. ♫ But not not on this bus. Low rider's hanging pants got her kicked off (106)
WTOP Interesting "Alien Sex Offenders Being Deported from VA." I want to believe (60)
CNN Scary Rioters attack a US Embassy in a country you can't find on a map (332)
The Smoking Gun Asinine Not news: Boy, 13, describes principal as child molester in fake MySpace profile. News: Kid gets expelled. Fark: Young parodist files federal lawsuit claiming his free speech rights have been violated (230)
(WWL) Amusing Rural cops seize 180 pounds of pot "worth $2.5 million on the street." Wonder what streets they're talking about (179)
WNBC Unlikely Truck has bad luck, gets stuck, chickens run amuck, cluck cluck cluck (45)
(Some Guy) Followup Government declares woman dead. Now she's free to do all the things she wanted in life, including find BRAAAAAAAAAINS (43)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this sleepy baby (94)
(Some Tea Drinker) Silly Italian scientists have taken advantage of generous EU funding to develop a robot. Who makes coffee. Starbucks surrenders (39)
(Whambulance) Asinine Police Department anonymously receives golden plaques that exclaim "Congratulations - You're corrupt", vow to find the sender and charge him with felony harassment (414)
(Cedar Rapids Gazette) Dumbass Today's female teacher on male student sex story brought to you by... IOWA. Of course there's a mugshot. Okay, maybe after a few beers (172)
CBS Baltimore Scary Just how many cats is too many? According to police: 45 (90)
NPR Followup Other countries questioning Pentagon's motive for shooting down satellite. Pentagon too busy looking for tissues to wipe itself off to comment (237)
Starpulse Strange Hayden Christensen joins celebrities who are fans of pigs. That's all folks (96)
Orlando Sentinel Unlikely O.J. Simpson thinks he doesn't have to pay that pesky civil lawsuit in California because he moved to Florida (93)
The Scotsman Interesting World's oldest post office for sale, in use since 1712; buyer to assume responsibility for two hundred and ninety-six year old mail awaiting delivery (41)
(iht.com) Sad Danish tourist killed in Uganda before he could reach the doughnut exhibit (68)
The Virginian Pilot Interesting Virginia Beach-Norfolk VA area named least stressed of nation's 50 biggest cities. Suck it Chicago, DC, NYC, etc (163)
(Some Guy) Interesting Study shows that women better equipped to remember daily events, and that you don't put down the toilet seat, clean the dishes, make dinner. Dirt bag (237)
(kten) Ironic The same day an outdoor burn ban was lifted, 50 acres goes up in flames (49)
Local6 Florida Mother of the Year candidate went "on strike" - leaving four rowdy teenage boys alone in the home six nights a week, checking in on them from a friend's house (115)
Philly Stupid MLS plans to announce expansion team for the Philadelphia area. That's Major League Soccer...in Chester...soccer...in Chester...\ˈsä-kər\...\ˈChes-tər\ aka \kə-ˈlä-səl\...\ˈwāst (214)
(Wilmington News-Journal) Interesting Democratic politicians propose mandatory volunteerism for students. You can work it off at the jumbo shrimp plant or the plastic glass factory (369)
(Some Bible Thumper) Amusing Matthew Mark Luke arrested for meth posession. John unavailable for comment (64)
CNN Followup McCain Campaign angered by report of his relationship with a lobbyist. Also angered by lack of Matlock reruns, high price of gas, kids on lawns (289)
UPI Amusing "My shirt got stuck in my zipper," he said "I don't wear drawers. When I tried to put it back, it was too late." Penis (70)
ABC News Followup Frat boys who do $100,000 damage to motel complain about media coverage: "Nobody ever looks at the good things a person does with their life. But as soon as we make a mistake everyone is incredibly quick to judge us" (pics) (404)
Yahoo Spiffy Reuters sets new record for number of scare quotes in one article (48)
CNN Asinine New rape allegations in Japan against U.S. military. Joint Chiefs looking into putting saltpeter in the coffee again (237)
(The Register Citizen) Obvious Neighbors want tax break for living next to sex offender: Perv proximity discount running at 17 percent (78)
BBC Asinine Not to be outdone by CNN, the BBC delivers stroke after loving stroke to the peaceful, freedom-loving Cuban government (200)
Yahoo Interesting Feds meet to decide what kind of flu you'll be getting next year (53)
Wave3 Interesting Judge orders wrecked car from drunk driving accident to decorate woman's yard as part of punishment. Lawn gnome jammed in wheel well added for extra emphasis (96)
(Seacoast Online.com) Spiffy Maine town gives the recipients of parking tickets the option of giving the money from the fine to buy heating oil for those in need. So go grab that handicap space and do your part for the needy (41)
(USGS) NewsFlash 6.3 earthquake hits northern Nevada. This affects six of you (198)
Yahoo Spiffy Oil hits record $101 per barrel on news that: A) Linsday Lohan's boobies are real, B) werewolves rampaged through Manhattan during the lunar eclipse, or C) the Hoff still rocks it as Knight Rider (97)
Aftenposten.no Scary Norway's arctic islands hit by "strongest earthquake in Norwegian history." All seven residents were startled, as were several moose (58)
The Tennessean Interesting Tennessee may impose $50 fine for texting while driving. In related news, T-Mobile has been doing that for years (52)
ABC News Video Fresh outta rehab, Mary Carey wants to see Britney naked. Well, that's one person (83)
USA Today Interesting Al Gore demands $1 million or he will flood the southern third of the United States with pythons. Or something like that (97)
SFGate Amusing Murder trial features a missing woman, the Russian mafia, the KGB and the techno-geek S&M crowd. Bonus: Witness apologizes for his meandering responses, saying he had been hit by a bus 10 years ago. Then he did push-ups (34)
NYPost Dumbass What to do if you are being investigated for plagiarism? If you are a professor at Columbia, you just hang a noose on your office door (150)
(Some Guy) Scary Clowns try to deal with reality that most children are terrified of them. "What I do is, I act afraid of them until they know they’re in control, and then we can play." Yeah, that'll work, weirdo clown (210)
CBS Miami Followup Pentagon releases video of the spy satellite shootdown. See it here (199)
(Beeeeeeee eeeeeeeeee) Amusing Shocking as it may seem, in the era before infomercials, after regular programming stopped, TV stations used to GO OFF THE AIR. This site is a tribute to those patriotic lead-ins to the test pattern (153)
Baltimore Sun Amusing Barack Obama pauses during campaign speech to blow his nose. Audience breaks out in applause. Now THAT'S impressive (851)
St. Pete Times Florida Stripper says jail police broke her arm for no reason (with "I'd hit it" mugshot and "I'd jump those bones" X-rays) (221)
(Some Guy) Obvious Former chief prosecutor for Guantánamo Bay says upcoming military tribunals are just for show, and convictions are already politically guaranteed even if only to justify holding these guys for so long (76)
Daily Mail Amusing Old people. Too much time on their hands (48)
Canada.com Scary Old guy with dementia kills wife after fight over who would change his urostomy bag. Did he have reason to kill her? Depends (38)
(Some Guy) Amusing Senior citizen caught smuggling $1.4 million dollars of pot, wishes they'd stayed away from his grass (32)
UPI Amusing Jessica Simpson film No. 1 at the box office last weekend. No, really it was. Okay, so it was the Ukraine, but when else will that headline ever work? (58)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Today's "teacher accused of sending BIE to students" story brought to you by Virginia Beach, VA. With pic for hitability discussion (115)
(New York Times) Unlikely Honor system wine bars in Berlin: Drink all night, pay what you think you owe. There's a business model that should succeed (47)
MSNBC Dumbass Apparently, some people are still not clear on this: When you drive to the police station to demand the return of nearly $2,000 seized during a drug arrest, do not use a stolen car (10)
Yahoo Followup In keeping with the recurrent theme of "nothing in Iraq is ever as it is initially reported," the two women with Down syndrome who blew themselves up didn't actually have Down syndrome (51)
The Sun Scary Sharp knees, the gallery. The Sun is there (60)
(Some Border Jumper) Dumbass Girl steals parents car and tries to drive from Montana to Canada. Fark: She's 14 and made it to the Washington border (66)
(Some Guy) Asinine Former AG Gonzalez getting speaking engagements for $30,000 a pop. As a special bonus, he compares himself and Bush to Lincoln. Justice at last -- am I right or am I right? (111)
BBC Obvious British supermarket chief called "godfather of binge drinking." Drew last seen stumbling around demanding recount (20)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If you're a fugitive and you're going to bother to escape all the way across the country, don't call your old job to give them your new address for that final paycheck -- just let it go (21)
(Some Mustachioed Reporter) Obvious Internet not only has blogs, but has info on how to do things. Who could have possibly written such a timely article? (143)
(Some Guy) Followup McCain says, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Dude, you are 90, go with it (241)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this lovely selection of plastic food (36)
CNN Followup Missing Air Force F-15Cs have been found: They collided (82)
(Farktography) Farktography Theme of Farktography Contest No. 146: "Windmills." Details and rules in Boobies. LGT next week's theme (122)

Wed February 20, 2008
CNN NewsFlash US Military successfully shoots down satellite containing the Ark of the Covenant, the actual JFK assassination documents, and that secret baked bean recipe the dog was supposed to guard (273)
The Sun Interesting Cell phone users 50 per cent more likely than non-users to get mouth cancer. The cell-phones-are-killing-us trifecta now in play (102)
FARK NewsFlash The moon... it's gone (435)
NBC 11 Cool Thousands of migrating birds move in formation like a giant ribbon or a lava lamp in the skies above Scotland. (With pics) (62)
CNN Cool Supreme Court hands a victory to smokers, overturns internet tax on tobacco products (57)
(NYTimes) NewsFlash John McCain in possible sex scandal. Republicans seen thanking lucky stars it involves an adult woman (671)
Yahoo Asinine Ban Ki-Moon reaffirms the UN's support for freedom of the press, so long as it doesn't offend anyone (111)
(Some Guy) Asinine PETA activist changes her name from Rachel Feather to Rachel FishingHurts. One letter off from a new career in porn (210)
Fox News Dumbass Man calls woman ugly. Woman does the only logical thing and stabs him with a kitchen knife (77)
CBS 4 Denver Interesting You knew cola wasn't good for you. You just didn't know how bad it truly was (194)
(Some Guy) Strange One day you're moving in with a woman to beat your drugs, alcohol and tobacco addictions and the next thing you know she's chaining you up and pepper spraying you every time she leaves (50)
Canoe Amusing School board gets their panties in a knot over member using a picture of his head on Spider-Man's body as his official profile picture (59)
Discovery Cool Today's time waster is brought to you by The Discovery Channel (153)
Yahoo Scary Three words that should never appear in print together: Bette, Midler, Showgirl (86)
Free Press Obvious Inheritance: $0. Two hit men to kill parents for $0 inheritance: $260. The looks on your parents' faces: Priceless (72)
(Mid Hudson News) Dumbass If you're going to teach your 12-year-old son to drive on a major New York interstate, Rule No. 1 is to buckle up (27)
(TT Grad) Spiffy UVA law students have a mission: 29 parties in 29 days. Tortfeasing expected. Law school hot optional (98)
(Some Girl) Photoshop Photoshop this store front (45)
DallasNews Obvious "They've been overparented, overindulged and overprotected. We were so obsessed with protecting and promoting their self-esteem that they crumble like cookies when they discover the world doesn't revolve around them" (462)
ABC News Interesting Kosovo touts "Islam Lite." It's got a third less calories and none of the radical qualities of regular Islam (81)
(Citizens Against Govt. Waste) Interesting Rep. John Murtha (D-The Slop Trough) named Porker of the Year for bringing home $149 million worth of pork projects for his crappy district in the poorest part of Pennsylvania (133)
MSNBC Stupid If the bank screws up and gives you you $5 million, you go right ahead and spend $2 million of it. That'll never be a problem (171)
(Some Worried Pilot) News If you happen to know where two F-15 fighter jets are in the Gulf of Mexico, the U.S. government would like to have a word with you (133)
(Hanlon) Obvious "Obama has outright stolen his campaign slogan. The tipster said that the slogan, 'Yes we can,' was lifted directly from Bob the Builder, a British construction worker who coined the phrase in 1999" (304)
(Some Law Student) Interesting Need to pay rent? AT&T might owe you $100 per day for the last five years (62)
Washington Post Sad Five years ago today, Great White killed all 100 of their fans (263)
ABC News Interesting Possible successors to Raul Castro include Davila, Quesada, Roque and a Taco Bell Fiesta Platter (81)
(TSA) Florida Man tries to bring boxcutter hidden in a book through airport security. Says he forgot it was there and that he usually uses that space to hide pot (82)
(Buffalo News) Spiffy Mythbusters to go all MacGyver for its 100th episode (291)
AP Unlikely Wal-Mart cashier tells veiled Muslim woman, "Please don't stick me up." It ended well (293)
SMH Unlikely Israeli Politician blames homosexuals for recent earthquakes. Gays: is there anything they can't do? (410)
Aftenposten.no Interesting Norway thinks Kosovo seems familiar, can't remember the wife's name, though (26)
Yahoo Stupid Judge postpones Britney Spears' driving-without-a-license case until she's capable of resolving the matter. A new trial is tentatively scheduled for the 5th of Never (46)
(wsoctv.com) Dumbass If you're going to counterfeit $100 bills, just remember it's not Abraham Lincoln on the watermark. It also helps not to try and spend them while on meth. With mugshot goodness (70)
UPI Sappy 'Ghost Bike', placed as a memorial to cyclist, is stolen. Thief realises the significance of the bike and returns it along with his favourite bandana and an apologetic note (link fixed) (183)
(Centre Daily Times) Amusing St. Patrick's Day and Holy Week overlap for the first time in nearly 70 years (150)
Live Science Sad Bottom trawling for fish stirs up billowing plumes of sediment that can be seen from space (174)
Yahoo Interesting Remember all the success in Iraq attributed to the troop surge? Things may get a bit more dicey as soon as Saturday if al-Sadr calls off his six-month cease-fire (324)
(Some Guy) Asinine Guess who said it: "I don't want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama unless there's evidence, hard facts, that say this is how the woman really feels". Cue indignant fake outrage (572)
(KSAT) Followup Weather likely to delay spy satellite shoot-down. Or so that's what they want us to think (96)
My Fox DC Dumbass Former McDonald's employee robs restaurant after being fired (with mugshot) (110)
CBS New York Scary 50 Cent wannabe joins The Knack, Dexy's Midnight Runners, and Soft Cell on list of greatest one-hit wonders (with video) (105)
Daily Mail Obvious After the horrors of horse fighting, the Daily Mail keeps the anti-Muslim outrage going with shocking images of camel fighting. Next up: A long, hard look at donkey-punching (111)
(Some Guy) Amusing News: Milwaukee alderman advances through primary. Fark: While in jail (58)
Guardian.com Interesting The Guardian continues its high impact journalism by posing an important question of our time: Do you take your own snacks to the cinema? (222)
WFTV Florida Road rager fires a shot while ramming his car into another driver, taking his kids to school for driving too slow. Victim shoots back, drops the kids off, hunts the guy down and fires more shots. Guess which state? (333)
SuperDeluxe Amusing Britney launched career as hot schoolgirl. Looks like Jamie Lynn is taking the hot-schoolgirl-prego approach to her vids (171)
Canada.com Interesting Peace sign turns 50 tomorrow, worries about 401K, spreading waistline, smartass teens on lawn (107)
Yahoo Hero Liquor firms to challenge ban on drinking alcohol at lunch during work days (150)
Daily Mail Obvious Kate Moss demonstrates what a difference Photoshop makes (296)
(Post-Gazette) Weird ACLU sues "South Park" over political signs, mmmkay? (152)
Local6 Florida Neighbors really annoyed that they can't walk out of their houses without being covered head-to-toe with fleas (75)
Local6 Florida Man's typo sends $11,384 instead of $113.84 to utility company -- the company quickly responds by crediting his account (127)
News.com.au Amusing And coming around the final turn it's Blue Streak by a nose ahead of Bournda See -- but wait, here comes Drunk Streaking Idiot on the track and he's flopping toward the finish, ladies and gentlemen (33)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this guy and his big wheel (49)
(NASA) PSA Total lunar eclipse tonight (with picture timetable) (153)
CNN Followup The various wacky ways the CIA tried, and failed, to kill Castro over the past five decades (186)
Des Moines Register Followup Man fired over "Dilbert" is now topic of "Dilbert" (224)
BBC Dumbass Man believes that he's found rare nude picture of Marilyn Monroe, takes it to expert who confirms that it is, in fact, Marilyn. Journalists: Um, that's just Madonna, she's naked all the time (134)
SLTrib Dumbass After referring to a bill as a "black baby, ugly and dark," Utah senator refuses to meet NAACP: "How do I know what words I'm supposed to use in front of those people?" (486)
Yahoo Stupid Kirstie Alley is set to develop her own weight-loss brand, tentatively named "Big Ass Hams" (104)
Detroit News Sad U.S. Supreme Court rejects challenge to domestic spying program, ceiling cats (323)
(NASA-TV) News The shuttle will be landing in 30 minutes. Attention, Floridians: Don't shoot back at the loud boom (137)
CBS New York Dumbass When you've been legally barred from having Internet access, it's probably a bad idea to have a MySpace page (22)
The Sun Sappy Kitten has two noses, four eyes, two mouths, four legs, but just one ugly ass (86)
(kfsm) Stupid Today's "32-year-old teacher facing up to 20 years in prison for banging an 18-year-old" story brought to you by Arkansas. ( With "looks like she cleans up well" pic) (168)
CBC News Five-alarm blaze engulfs building, snarls traffic in downtown Toronto. With scary fire video (153)
Daily Mail Interesting Exploring the limits of human endurance, including the important question about what is the hottest curry it would be possible for a human to eat (51)
My Fox DC Strange Over 140 years after the Confederacy surrendered, rebels suffer another war casualty (79)
Guardian.com Interesting Man who lived at airport for four years doesn't get the sappy Tom Hanks ending (101)
(Some Guy) Stupid CNN sends email to anchors and reporters encouraging them to mention the "good" things about Castro. It's not news, it's CNN (303)
CBS Minneapolis Strange When it's below zero in Minnesota, the only thing you can do is ride around town on your bike with a shotgun in your lap (34)
IOL PSA Do not consume parasitic intestinal worms to lose weight (95)
CBS Sacramento Hero If you're planning on stealing an old lady's purse on a busy street in broad daylight, make sure you can outrun the streetful of pissed-off people who will hunt you down (40)
CNN News Obama momentum rocks Indonesia, scores 7.5 delegates... wait, that's a Richter Scale reading (43)
Boston Globe Dumbass He's just a hunka hunka burning FAIL (26)
(KITV) Scary Thank you for choosing Go Flight 1002. On the right, you'll see Hilo, where we'd be landing right now if either of our pilots were awake (66)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this statue (73)
CNN Strange Iraq to round up beggars, vagrants, mentally ill to prevent them from becoming used as suicide bombers by insurgents. You know who else... nah, this is too easy (50)
NBC San Diego Amusing Prankster uses construction loader to place a '66 Chevy Nova on roof of local business as a goof. Imagine his soiled underpants when car suddenly falls through roof (with amusing slideshow) (53)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest portrait of Lincoln made of pennies you'll see all day (36)
Boston Globe Dumbass Soda can ashtray ignites house, debate as to whether it should be called "soda" or "pop" (105)
Wired Interesting Top physicist who claims not to be "smoking something and making it up" says the Big Bang wasn't the beginning. Translation: He's smoking something and making it up (180)
(wesh.com) Amusing Dunkin' Donuts employee encounters pantsless customer at drive-thru window. Too bad he only ordered coffee, as he had an instant doughnut carrier at the ready (72)
News.com.au Weird Jobless, hungry man decides to kill and eat his landlady's chihuahua -- then it gets weird (65)
Washington Post Strange UFO sightings linked to breast cancer (36)
Sign On San Diego Stupid Dog not on leash... that's a macing (39)
Canoe Spiffy Not news: Two men fighting outside of a Waffle House. Still not news: Stray bullet hits innocent bystander. Fark: Bystander saved by DVD (64)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Obvious Man surrenders 120 labs to Humane Society, said it had gotten out of hand and he needed help (140)

Tue February 19, 2008
Free Press Strange The Order of the Occult Hand never meets, lacks a leader and has but one simple ritual and purpose: to sneak a certain phrase into print (123)
Stuff Scary Old and busted: razorblades in candy apples. New hotness: razorblades in McDonalds playgrounds. Bonus: pic of injured employee (75)
ABC News Followup Over ten years later, Princess Diana conspiracy continues to have JFK-like legs (78)
BBC Silly Teacher in Nanny State makes chair students can't tip back in. Still no cure for teacher-on-student shenanigans (77)
ABC News Obvious Obama, McCain win Wisconsin primaries (810)
Denver Channel Dumbass If you're going to drop valium into your date's drink, make sure the waiter doesn't see you do it (76)
(Al.com) Dumbass Mayor charged with giving gay porn star $30,000 from fund created to provide inner city children with computers. Offers to show them his hard drive, floppy disk. Penis (52)
(Oshkosh Northwestern) Dumbass Two Wisconsin teens injured after drilling into a live bullet. Darwin would have been there, but unfortunately he was stuck in a snow drift. Damn WI snowstorms (99)
Forbes Asinine Louisiana lawmaker biatches about proposed $50 cap on meals bought by lobbyists. "'If it's $50, I think we're going to be eating at Taco Bell." (218)
AP Amusing If you planted some pot plants in the Matthaei botanical gardens at the University of Michigan the police would like to speak to you (70)
(Some Guy) Obvious Australian Church sponsors Sunday school lessons on how to watch pornography. Reason: because the largest group of porn consumers is children aged 12 to 17 (62)
News.com.au Scary Farking scary fish that eats anything it sees, can kill humans and can crawl out of the water and follow you inland to attack you in your sleep. EVERYBODY PANIC (228)
The Morning Call Dumbass After having a weak week, man decides to steal steel from work. Authorities rued rude behavior, had cop cop suspect. Whether weather influenced him or not, he won't be able to sell cell space in jail (125)
(Some Guy) Followup Will McCain have a senior moment? Will Huckabee strike down upon thee with great vengeance? Will Barry gain enough momentum from WI and HI to finally leapfrog Billary in Texas? Official WA-HI-WI primary thread (1183)
BBC Unlikely Wildlife "experts" lose whale. Dead, motionless whale. In other news, your suit's lumpy and you smell awful (47)
Houston Chronicle Asinine City builds community center next to the home of a sexual offender and then arrests him for violating the law (123)
The Register Followup U.S. Navy has set the coordinates in the Pacific where the satellite shootdown will take place. So if you're anywhere near 3145N 17012W, duck. With Google Earth link (124)
(WGAL) Cool Street closed by sinkhole big enough to swallow a Ford Focus. Or, since it's in Amish country, a horse and buggy (pic) (44)
NJ.com Amusing "You know whose mom used to take him to bars when he was little? Charles Manson'' (65)
News.com.au Unlikely New study says teenage fans of TV wrestling are more violent, smoke more, have more unprotected sex. Unfortunately, they ignore the fact that fans of TV wrestling are just plain stupid (128)
The Smoking Gun Followup Mug shots of the Delta Chi pledges who destroyed those Super 8 motel rooms (407)
(RADAR) Followup Apparently Lindsay Lohan didn't know that the topless pictures she posed for would be published (305)
STLToday Interesting News: Smokers gather at bar to plan protest after Illinois bans smoking. Fark: Reporter talks to Boog Waker, Barb Pennypacker and Mayor Butch. Yep... sounds like rural Illinois (118)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this sink drain (42)
(Toronto Sun) Asinine UN investigating if MedicalAdoptions.com is real. And don't forget to look at the bonsai kitties (105)
TBO Florida Tampa Bay newspaper published article about Scientology protests on Feb. 10, then systematically removes almost every public comment about the story. All hail (this word removed by site staff) (267)
NBC 11 Unlikely Psychic says she sees dead people so much, they are now ruining pictures she tries to take with her grandson (120)
ABC News Interesting Oxford will spend $4 million to study why mankind embraces God; are not willing to accept answer that He's just so snuggly and adorable (710)
Denver Post Strange Fraternity pledges re-enact "Evil Dead" in motel room despite the absence of hazing and baby oil (197)
Metro Amusing Actual headline: "Nude burglar surfs porn." Article states where the burglar left his clothing (76)
(Drew) FarkBlog Why would Cuba annouce Castro's resignation at 3am? I'll tell you why (515)
CNN Sappy Vet blinded in Iraq learns to ski down mountain slopes. Or at least that's what they told him he was doing (59)
ABC News Scary World War II-era bomb at construction site causes Czech to bounce (56)
Metro Obvious Anti-smoker turns fire extinguisher on his girlfriend when she lights up. Someone's sleeping on the couch tonight (186)
The Sun Weird Arsenal goalkeeper allowed to miss training. Because his house is haunted (44)
Daily Mail Interesting Castro burned his underwear to foil CIA assassination plots, hide skid marks (76)
(Al Dente Blog) Interesting Believe it or not, it's been a decade of Jared for Subway. It's kind of like the Third Reich of crappy fastfood advertisement (267)
Tulsa World Dumbass State Labor Commissioner sent to drunk tank for stealing bull rider's guitar (28)
(The Daily Illini) Amusing The latest excuse not to go to class... directional amnesia (98)
(Some Guy) Interesting Scientists discover "frog from hell." In other news, Budweiser launches aggressive marketing campaign (97)
BBC Amusing Restaurant apologizes over F-bomb included in patron's bill. Gordon Ramsay unavailable for comment (with pic of offending tab) (441)
My Fox Colorado Asinine Illegal alien who'd already been deported from the U.S. 14 times in his 22 years on the planet arrested again, this time for "human smuggling." In honor of deportation number 15, he wins a free chalupa from Taco Bell (261)
ABC News Spiffy There are some bad puns about spending Monet at de service station for Degas to make de van Gogh, but I refuse to make them (67)
Homestar Runner Amusing ♫ Broken glass, broken glass, broken glass, broken glass ♫ (71)
(WESH.com) Florida City discovers it cannot restrict the number of venomous snakes owned by resident, but they CAN restrict the number of non-venomous snakes (63)
(Some Guy) Asinine Railroad worker sues over goose attack (73)
Yahoo Misc Tokyo marathon runner solves mystery of sore nipples. Spoiler: The answer has to do with running a marathon (147)
Washington Post Interesting Founder of Wikipedia argues that the Internet generation is smarter than they get credit for penis balls balls (194)
Yahoo Cool American Red Cross honors dog named Lurch as "Pet's Best Friend" because he donates blood for other canines about once every four weeks. Good dog (67)
USA Today Interesting Analysts trying to learn why several American cities haven't lost any service members in Iraq. "Intelligent people live in cities and don't enlist" set to duke it out with "they're all liberal pantywaists" (321)
WFTV Florida Actual headline: "Man Found Naked, Intoxicated, Urinating From Lookout Tower In Park" (86)
Metro Amusing If you've stolen a four-ton railway bridge, Czech police would like a word with you (41)
Breitbart.com Followup Those cut undersea fiber cables *might* have been the work of saboteurs. EVERYBODY PANIC (249)
(Farkistan) Cool Productivity at work too high? Join the Fark alliance in CyberNations. Then, berate your new minions for not working hard enough (379)
Canoe Amusing News: Steve Irwin's son bitten by snake. Fark: He's proud to have copped his first hit (89)
(Some Rapunzel) Photoshop Photoshop this tower (57)
(HuPo) Interesting Drew's friend Chez discusses the logistics of being fired from CNN for blogging (140)
(keloland) Amusing South Dakota police bust one of the largest underage, high school drinking parties ever. Police estimate over 40 students were there. Seriously (163)
Guardian.com Obvious "In schools, decades of silly programs designed to raise children's self-esteem have not improved well being, and the new initiatives designed to make pupils happy will also fail" (195)
The Sun Hero Enraged residents call friends and relatives and put up a five-car barricade to imprison traffic wardens who had clamped their cars (pic) (110)
The Sun Obvious New star of American art world is a painting pig. Bacon -- is there anything it can't hue? (Pic) (Booooo) (46)
(China Post) Silly Man caught stealing urinal sensor. To his credit, his reason for taking it is original (58)
The Sun Obvious Man aims to set world skydive record with jump from 24 miles up, finish with world's deepest human imprint (pic) (125)
The Sun Obvious Woman who says she couldn't stop farting because of medical condition loses her job. That stinks. So does she (130)
Gizmodo Obvious It's official: HD DVD is dead, dead, dead. DEAD. Toshiba announces the death of HD DVD in a press conference in Tokyo (406)
WWSB ABC 7 Florida Actual headline: Sarasota mayor rescues baby squirrels (25)
Mercury News Hero Fraternity "House Mom" survives living with 70 men (153)
Globe and Mail Sad The American policy of re-screening Canadian bags is unnecessary, discriminatory and possibly hurtful to Canadian bags (65)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this fashionable goth chick (84)
Salon Asinine News: A politician makes a tasteless joke about Chelsea Clinton. Not news: It happened years ago. Fark: Now he's running for president (155)
CNN NewsFlash Fidel Castro resigns, says the Yankees need him to fill out the starting rotation (398)
Washington Post Followup Having worked out all the kinks with airport security, TSA turns their attention to Amtrak. In other news, Amtrak still in business (98)
(news9.com) Silly Man and woman get into domestic disturbance involving pancakes. She claims she was battered (45)
SFGate Asinine If police call you to come and pick up the vehicle of a family member you have reported missing, don't assume that they are professional enough to have made sure there is not a body in it (58)
(Some Guy) Spiffy For some reason, a nude juice bar is meeting resistance in Nebraska (84)
(Some Quaker) Misc Sharon Stone says 4,000 dead troops are meaningless compared to 600,000 dead Iraqis (852)

Mon February 18, 2008
CNN Cool College students love free speech and the first amendment, until they find out they're on a website mentioning their "fratboy gangbang with gonorrhea spreading hilarity" exploit (140)
AFP Interesting India to conduct its first-ever submarine missile test, immediately followed by an eight minute musical routine (67)
(WLWT Cincinnati) Silly Sometimes, the story itself is no great shakes, but the mugshot makes it all worthwhile (167)
(Some Crack Head) Interesting From the "You're doing it wrong" file: Man tries to rob house with a putty knife and a lighter (29)
Newsweek PSA Newsweek: Beware the six nasty gym health hazards. No.1: Sweaty guys looking to hook up (83)
AZCentral Obvious Now that Mother Theresa and Pope John Paul II have been rushed into the club, the Vatican decides to tighten procedures for determining sainthood (39)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Man calls wrong number to brag about his video game kills, opens with "I've killed them all." Wrong number panics, calls cops. Fark triple word score: Man is a wanted criminal, video game now on indefinite pause (38)
News.com.au Stupid Heroic, quick thinking Australian law enforcement officer uses Taser to stun perpetrator. Three times. While the perpetrator was locked up in a cell. And handcuffed to a chair (53)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Apparently, it needs to be said again: Do not drive your snowmobile into open water (32)
CBS Sacramento Interesting Arizona considering letting gun owners bring firearms onto campus in case of another school shooting (342)
(Daily Bulletin) Strange "He grabbed the bag of tacos, punched him in the face and began to flee" (61)
CBS Minneapolis Asinine Church forced to sell private jet when they fall $70,000 short of weekly donations. Yes, *weekly* (227)
CTV Scary Not news: Three weeks later, guy forgets to return DVDs to video store. Sorta news: DVDs returned after call from police. Fark: Police arrest guy anyway and file theft charges (98)
Examiner Hero Drunk man attempts to kidnap three-year-old from babysitter. Lesson: Do not fark with the babysitter (64)
The Virginian Pilot PSA This week is your last chance to get glimpse of doomed satellite before the US military blows it out of the sky (139)
CTV Interesting Serbia recalls ambassador to USA over recognition of Kosovo independence. USA recalls who won the 1999 bombing campaign and goes on with life (202)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop this forlorn rubber ducky (66)
NYPost Strange You may have too much time on your hands if you're a Harvard-trained jet-setter who masterminded a massive LSD drug ring run out of a Kansas missile silo (78)
Time Cool It's not uncommon to see a man wearing a T-shirt boasting "World's Best Grandma," or a young girl wearing a shirt lamenting "Stripping ruined my life." (64)
11 Alive Sappy Nothing quite says "redneck romance" than Waffle House by candlelight for Valentine's Day (97)
(L.A. Daily News) Scary Washington guy faces 18 years of PMITA for "swatting" -- unleashing a SWAT team after an unsuspecting family in the OC. "He's from a rural setting, and he's awfully young, and I'd say he's pretty immature" (145)
MSNBC Amusing Miracle baby that was thrown by tornado gets nicknamed "Tumbleweed," but only because "Dizzy" was already taken (35)
CNN Scary Generals warn of "geriatric Air Force," predict dramatic rise of military aircraft crashing into Old Country Buffets (126)
(Some Guy) Amusing Family will rebuild their house yet again after a tornado destroyed it the first time and a fire the second. Have learned their lesson about christening the house with a Molotov cocktail (36)
BBC Sad ♫ ♪ Young man, you used to have a room / Until Hamas went and made it go "boom" / I said, young man, you really have to find / A new place to have a good time / 'Cause you can't stay at the YMCA ♪ ♫ (126)
Fox News Interesting Cow could avoid the slaughterhouse because of a spot in the shape of the state of Michigan on its side. Hal the Deer still has a bummer of a birthmark (74)
Canoe Amusing Man's body rejects his tattoo implants. "I guess my girl wasn't meant to have 3D breasts" (217)
Indiana Gazette Weird Pennsylvania cracks down on the illegal transport of Amish (115)
Des Moines Register Strange In the Northwest, they have salmon in their rivers. In the Rockies, they have trout in their streams. In Iowa, they have carp in their sewer pipes (53)
(Gothamist) Sad The New York Times valiantly describes the plight of the lonely super rich living in the $6,400 per square foot Plaza Hotel (132)
Des Moines Register Dumbass Just because a woman won't reenact your favorite scene from "Girls Gone Wild" does not mean you have the right to steal her cell phone, hit her in the face, and throw Oreo cookies at her (145)
(Mental Floss) Weird The world's weirdest amusement parks, including the land of topless jelly hippos (warning: topless hippos) (57)
(Some Guy) Stupid Problem: Girl gets busted sneaking out with her boyfriend. Solution: She tells the police he kidnapped her (57)
BBC Unlikely Accused "unaware model was dead" when he had sex with her. They are British, after all (208)
(Some Happy Craft Brewer) Hero Jim Koch, owner of Sam Adams Beer, doing his part to help craft brewers acquire hops during the current worldwide shortage (270)
Rocky Mountain News Obvious Advocates insist introducing wolves into national park will help curb elk population, especially if outfitted in sheep's clothing (160)
(Some Guy) Obvious "The wider community has been shocked by the revelation that prison isn't a very nice place" (63)
(WINK News) Weird Worshippers praise youth pastor for confessing to murder (214)
Local6 Florida Girl -- worried that her ex-boyfriend was going to hurt her -- calls police so much, they threaten to arrest her. Less than one month later, she's the victim of a murder-suicide carried out by her ex-boyfriend (426)
CBS New York Spiffy The latest weapon in the War on Crime: Healthy prison food. Want that New York cheesecake? Stay out of jail (73)
ABC 2 Hero Woman dodges bullet -- literally -- and it's caught on tape. Then whips out her own gun and chases the robber out of her store (161)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this fine painter (64)
Miami Herald Florida School board set to decide whether their science curriculum will enter the 20th century (with bonus pic of concerned but nonetheless bodacious mother) (1003)
SuperDeluxe Amusing See why the penny is getting phased out this summer. Happy Presidents' Day, Mr. Lincoln (118)
CBS New York Dumbass Don't bring an unloaded gun to a beer bottle fight (20)
Wall Street Journal Cool Faced with falling sales, the American candy industry is embracing the idea of adding caffeine to their products. And then it gets wired (58)
Denver Post Scary Christian impersonators in Colorado Springs warned of police impersonators in Colorado Springs. Toss up on who the Scary tag is for (125)
Toledo Blade Amusing Man robs store, steals all of their cash and a single condom. Hey, be mad at him about the robbery if you want, but at least he's practicing safe sex (49)
BBC Unlikely Man pulled over for drunk driving tries to claim he is a "human pelican" who stores alcohol in a pouch in his gullet (21)
JSOnline Amusing Mike Huckabee takes a little time out of his busy campaign schedule to bowl 10 frames in Milwaukee. The Dude abides (92)
BBC Weird NZ society for the prevention of cruelty to animals are planning a U.S. release of a music CD which makes dogs turn beserk and violent when they hear it (57)
Fox News NewsFlash Texas Messed With 2: Electric Boogaloo (191)
Boston Herald Obvious As the nightstick crunches into your ribs, take comfort in the fact that your complaint against the Boston police officer beating you up will be kept secret to avoid "embarrassing" him (92)
London Times Amusing "He’s dark, he’s moody and he deals in miracles. He is Christ." The Bible, Manga style (112)
BBC Asinine Ivory Coast dance craze has spawned a black market in treatments that are supposed to increase women's bottom sizes. Sir Mix-A-Lot considering a copyright infringement lawsuit (367)
Stuff Spiffy Group of Vancouver sex workers wins right to incorporate themselves. That's a novel way of putting it (71)
London Times Unlikely Sharia law for England? That's nothing new: Negotiations to turn Britain into Islamic state began 800 years ago (206)
The Sun Sappy Ugly-ass binturong cub born in UK zoo. You'd better believe The Sun is there with sappy pics (25)
(wigantoday) Obvious Drunk finds out the hard way his feet are not fireproof (33)
Daily Mail Spiffy Excuse me, is there an opera singer in the house? (54)
Local6 Florida “I hit a bump and that’s about the time I realized moving the grenade wasn’t the brightest thing to do” (51)
Daily Mail Dumbass Although the army likes its soldiers to be ambitious, enterprising self-starters, stealing machine guns and grenades from your base and selling them to criminal gangs is frowned upon (39)
(WOAI) Dumbass Man discovers the hard way that action movie-esque escapes are usually overshadowed by Fg = G*((m1*m2)/r²) (152)
(Some beer) Dumbass Man attacks his friend with a machete over a case of Bud Ice. This cut's for you (59)
STLToday Dumbass Jim Bakker is back, and some of his biggest supporters are the people he swindled money out of before (182)
(Some Tfette) Photoshop Photoshop this proud warrior (46)
ABC News Interesting Michigan libraries turn up the noise to attract teens onto their lawns (44)
Newsweek Unlikely New book states that to train a husband, you should ignore bad behavior, reward good behavior and if he makes a mess of the floor, rub his nose in it (249)
Billings Gazette Asinine Because the beds in a fancy new prison aren't filling up fast enough, city officials hope for a statewide crime so they can start making some money (57)
SeattlePI Sappy New York man finds grade-school buddy online after more than a decade to make good on the kidney bet they made as children (45)
(Some Guy) Spiffy Colordao parenst happy about new bill reqiuring shcools to test for dyselxia (107)

Fark Forum