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Sun February 24, 2008
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What is the sound of one Buddhist monk being swallowed by a lawnmower? | (58) |
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Plane lands, gets fixed over two hours, then is allowed to take off again on Interstate 70 (with pic) | (24) |
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The cutest ugly ass orangutan twins you'll see in 40 years (check out second baby pic) | (18) |
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Putin called "harmful to democracy" in recent poll of Western nations. Shockingly, polls of Russia indicate people love him to pieces. Irony tag deported to gulag | (79) |
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"Nothing is obscure on Fark." Test that maxim by quoting from you favorite obscure movie, book, or song, and see if you can Stump the Farkers | (1454) |
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Website that helps people with unwanted pets find new owners was created by... eleven year old girl | (51) |
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If you are reading this on a Samsung P10 notebook computer you might want to get it off your lap | (50) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this riveting scene | (36) |
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Muslim college students in Australia want universities to cater to their needs by rescheduling classes around prayers and separating men from the women in the cafeteria so men don't get cooties | (325) |
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Los Angeles tap water judged tastiest in world | (133) |
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Midwife says she can help women in labor have the "Big-O" instead of the "big ouch" when squeezing out their little snow flake | (163) |
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Grandmother starts crusade against Jehovah's Witnesses after they let her grandson die by not allowing blood transfusions. "You are all murderers" | (331) |
| (NWA Morning News) |  |
Pongo the dog finds way home 17 days after tornado devastates town. Wants GPS navigation system, steak | (21) |
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Iraqi interpreter, rebuilding a life in America, enlists as a U.S. soldier | (183) |
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Cake 1, Man 0 | (135) |
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Raid - kills bugs dead. And fights off sword-wielding would-be robbers, too | (43) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Finally, a hot 27 year-old woman is given a sentence equivocal to a man's sentence for molesting a 13 year-old. Except she didn't molest him, and now her life is destroyed by a "mandatory minimum sentence" measure | (240) |
| (Car And Driver) |  |
Honda introduces the Puyo: A soft, seamless, cartoon-like vehicle that glows in the dark and talks to passing pedestrians while stopped in traffic. In other news, welcome to Japan | (113) |
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1. Join South Korean army. 2. Get so stressed out you go bald. 3. Demand government compensation. 4. Profit, big time | (26) |
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In a stunning turn of events, Raul Castro chosen as new Cuban president | (179) |
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12-year old girl saves siblings from fire, gains leverage for when she wants a car | (17) |
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Not news: Driver just can't wait to get his order at the Pancake House One, uses the drive-thru window. Fark: Pancake House One doesn't have a drive-thru window. Or at least didn't | (22) |
| (Star) | |
Katie Holmes' eyes, Katherine Heigl's nose, Keira Knightley's cheeks, Jessica Simpson's long blonde hair and Angelina Jolie's lips = Perfect Woman | (517) |
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Good: To celebrate the 100th anniversary of train service between NY & NJ, PATH will allow passengers to ride free on Monday. Bad: Last stop, Newark | (33) |
| (Some Reflective Guy) | |
Photoshop this reflective river | (55) |
| (Boing Boing) |  |
Candidate for worst cartoon product licensing of the year: The Spongebob Squarepants rectal thermometer. Wrong on sooo many levels | (126) |
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"This is Miami. People have sloths and leopards and God knows what else" | (29) |
| (Some Rummy) | |
No matter how drunk you are, it doesn't give you free license to urinate in front of the police station in the middle of the afternoon | (31) |
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Woman brings a beer to a knife fight...you can see where this is going | (30) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Swedes are angry about the penis. Penis | (60) |
| (KETV) | |
Four-year old shows cops how to smoke marijuana. With "Get her the hell outta here, Lance" mugshot | (86) |
| (Some Guy) | |
He jumped onto the car and held on as his girlfriend wove along Route 202 with the car's air bag inflated. She eventually stopped the car and hit him with it | (38) |
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Ralph Nader announces presidential bid on 'Meet the Press' | (1080) |
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IRS audits 7-year old for $60,000 in back taxes | (59) |
| (The Local) | |
Woman leaves her autistic son alone at airport, finds him again in central Stockholm with millions in blackjack winnings. Rainman | (49) |
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Skier survives massive Alaska avalanche, promptly stutters, "T-t-t-a-a-a D-d-d-d-a-a-a" | (24) |
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News: Fraud prevention expert accused of embezzlement. Fark: Again | (16) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Liquor store employee tries to turn $1600 cash deposit into big Bingo winnings. Game over B-4 she knew it | (30) |
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On the day of the 80th annual Academy Awards, the top 10 films which should have won an Oscar but didn't | (437) |
| (theMaineedge.com) | |
When the cop asks if there is any pot in the car the answer should be yes or no. He already knows that there shouldn't be any. (last story) | (44) |
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Need a belly laugh to brighten your day? Ahmadinejad says U.S., allies should 'apologize' for sanctions on Iran | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Mother of the year to 3 year old daughter at Valentine's Day party: “If you don’t stop doing what you were doing I’m going to throw you in the trash can. No, seriously, I’m going to throw you in the trash can.” | (120) |
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Florida DUI Rehab Director arrested for .336 DUI | (91) |
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White House announces domestic wiretaps are back on. So remember citizens, in God we trust, everyone else we monitor | (163) |
| (Some Educated Guy) | |
Photoshop this school | (52) |
| (Some Sculptor) |  |
Some of the coolest paper sculptures you'll see in the next 26 minutes | (53) |
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The latest thing to offend Muslims: Doritos | (319) |
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Gates: Military assaults will not solve problem of terrorists. Now they tell us | (45) |
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A horse is a horse, of courts of courts | (49) |
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Government report says only 1 in 4 know symptoms of heart attack, which include shortness of breath, pain in ... "Ack" | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Boy, 16, has sex with girl, 13, and now is a registered sex offender for life. In the complex process of determining guilt and innocence, lives often hang in the balance | (600) |
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According to NASA, there are now 9,000 pieces of orbiting junk including pliers, cameras, rocket launchers, a glove and over 200 dead satellites. Fred Sanford enroute | (109) |
Sat February 23, 2008
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"Punch it, Chewie" - Shih-tzu saves owner's life by administering Heimlich maneuver. Laugh it up, fuzzball | (63) |
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Mike Huckabee gets pysched up for his appearance on "Saturday Night Live" tonight by hanging out with Focus on the Family founder James Dobson | (121) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Homeless man calls 911, asks to go to jail. Refused. Calls again. Arrested for abusing 911 service. Finally finds place to sleep | (81) |
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Who knew that hiring a woman could be so complicated? Handy guide from 1943 on handling the emotional minefield that are female employees | (240) |
| (Some Girl) | |
Photoshop this flower | (70) |
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Man survives getting run over by a 76 car freight train, taken to hospital with non-life threatening injuries. After being pulled from under the second engine, police note the man "smelled of alcohol." | (43) |
| (NY Times) | |
The bride wore a tramp-stamp | (534) |
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Sports Bar has its sights set on getting in the Guinness World Records book with its 150-pound burger. OM NOM NOM NOM | (45) |
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Cop chickens out of paying a poultry sum at Buffalo Wild Wings, finds himself eating crow after being fired for his fowl deed | (56) |
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"Philippe Daniel opens a slim briefcase so buyers can glimpse his wares, then snaps it shut with a wary glance over his shoulder. Daniel is not dealing in contraband but in truffles" | (36) |
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If it weren't for YouTube, a man wearing a little black dress and a pearl necklace would be unlikely to get a question in for the leader of the Spanish opposition. No one expects the Spanish Opposition | (32) |
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Report discovers that History exams are harder than Geography exams, Chemistry is tougher than Biology, and Media Studies is slightly more difficult than finding your arse with both hands | (108) |
| (Duluth News Tribune) | |
Yes, walking into a crowded college lecture hall carrying a wooden stick and a leather whip will get you arrested. With a "I was just released from a 18-month mental health commitment" mug shot | (69) |
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Problem: State law prohibits using red-light camera to issue traffic tickets. Solution: Call them "civil infractions" instead. All in the name of safety, of course | (125) |
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The newest weapon for DOOM isn't a portal gun. It's 1000 times better | (131) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The coolest panorama of the overview of Springfield in the Simpsons intro you'll see all day | (42) |
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British Medical Association last week: Bars need to close earlier because the UK is facing a binge-drinking epidemic. BMA this week: Can our headquarters bar stay open 2 hours later? Please? Pretty please with a Zoloft on top? | (23) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Your time waster for today - Grid 16 | (73) |
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One police officer nudged another with his van as a prank, spilling the other's tea. He then rubbed tea-soaked towels over the first cop, someone's got eight stitches, people are suspended, and basically, hilarity did not ensue | (24) |
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School bus driver arrested for sending sexual text messages to students with a "do not want" picture | (63) |
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According to the Serbian government, who's to blame for the rioting and burning of the US embassy? Hint: It has 50 states, the best BBQ, and is bigger than a breadbox | (154) |
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Researcher claims he has found the Ark of the Covenant in this "shaggy Ark" story. Don't look at it, no matter what happens | (77) |
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People with apostrophes in their names find they cause all sorts of trouble. Oh, for De'Love O'Christ | (85) |
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First, it was canned burgers. Now, it's hot dogs from a vending machine | (57) |
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Rioters go up 2-0 versus embassies, this is your official eastern European implosion thread | (133) |
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Connoisseurs complain newer wines have too much alcohol, confirming what everyone suspected about wine connoisseurs | (87) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Google announces a lunar X prize: $30 million for a machine that sends video back from the moon. No word on the prize for a machine that sends back video from a soundstage in Arizona | (50) |
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"An addiction to a drug is no different than an addiction to Harry Potter or the Internet or pornography." | (125) |
| (The Local) | |
Heavy storms with hurricane winds sweep southern Sweden, killing 2,000 trees and causing one man to trip and stub his toe | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop Dwight Howard and his Superman-like slam dunk | (55) |
| (ocala.com) | |
Shoplifting, fleeing naked while covered in dirt and leaves and attacking a police dog is no way to go through life, son | (24) |
| (Some Snowplowing Guy) | |
That feeling of a light breeze and snow falling on you is nice while camping. Not so much when you're in your living room (w/ vid) | (26) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Countries ranked by life expectancy | (276) |
| (Tribune Review) | |
News: Woman convicted of homicide gets life sentence. Fark: for involvement in plot to rob man of drugs, money and weapons, but which only netted clothes, toiletries and $2 in quarters (w/mugshot) | (35) |
| (Some Guy) | |
We're sorry we changed your insurance carrier, have some phone sex instead | (17) |
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After years of bullying and abuse, man finds perfect solution. "Now nobody messes with me." | (113) |
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Dallas to start ticketing dope-smokers, instead of arresting them. Now if they could only remember their court dates | (52) |
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Judge hits insurance company with $9 million judgement for cancelling womans coverage in the middle of cancer treatment, as part of program where employees got bonuses for cancelling coverage | (193) |
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Memory man can remember what he had on his burger on a Wednesday in 1965 | (79) |
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Female city planner caught trading approval of high-rise erections in return for another sort of erection. Penis | (47) |
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Firm fined for foul Firth Forth filth flow following facility failure, flubbed fix. Finally | (36) |
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Mexican brides and grooms who get cold feet before walking down the aisle will have to pay their significant other for the inconvenience | (16) |
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North Korea detains Russian ship... hmm, this should be good | (56) |
| (www.wptv.com) | |
Dumb: Using a taser on your friend while goofing around. Dumber: You're both courthouse deputies on duty. Dumbest: Captured on surveillance video | (37) |
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Man wins £1 million on 50p bet with 8-race accumulator. Yes, that's 2,000,000:1 odds. Lucky bastard | (40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Garfield, but without all the Garfield | (163) |
| (UfoSpider) | |
Arizona firefighters trained for possible UFO invasion? Proof inside official training manual | (59) |
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Saudis arrest guys for "wearing indecent clothes, playing loud music and dancing in order to attract the attention of girls." New Jersey needs this law | (71) |
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French president wants French cuisine declared a world heritage item. Because nothing says "world heritage" like assorted sauteed garden pests covered with garlic and runny melted cheese | (116) |
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It's that time of year: The running of the Bridezillas. With an entire slideshow of scary pics | (230) |
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Moroccan jailed over impersonating prince on Facebook | (25) |
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Bride-to-be suing groom-not-to-be after running away with another woman-soon-to-be. During the wedding vows | (33) |
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Meatloaf the cat discovered in storage container after three week cross-country trek. To be flown home to Florida just in time for Caturday | (627) |
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Your pee-pee hurts because of your filthy pets, not Craigslist. Penis | (52) |
| (Some TFette) | |
Theme: You are what you eat. Photoshop the consequences of taking in too much of your favorite food or drink. (LGT example under "Health Effects") | (43) |
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Convicted murderer lists 70 reasons why he shouldn't get death penalty, including that he was a good athlete and sucked his fingers as a child | (57) |
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British Airways offering free, two-week, anywhere in the world vacations to passengers who survived a crash of one of its jets last month. Yeah, like they just can't wait to get on a plane again | (44) |
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Remember the British guy who won the lottery and it was revealed he could die at any minute because of a heart condition? He almost did, but now is going to be fine. Money changes everything | (37) |
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Problem: your transit system has a declining budget. Solution: raise fares and give the CEO a 10% ($24k) raise and $10,000 bonus | (69) |
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Canada runs out of salt to put on its roads this winter. Good thing it never snows in Canada in February. Or March. Or April | (73) |
| (Diphenhydramine) | |
Teens overdose on Benadryl, doctor blames "the Internet." Because nobody ever heard of Benadryl before the Internet came along | (111) |
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Massive new telescope to scour universe for signs of alien life, streetlights | (37) |
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Guy fined 32 times for refusing to wear a seatbelt. Decides to install a fake one in his car. Finds out the hard way that it doesn't work like a real one | (205) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Founder of the company that makes Enzyte could be facing 20 years of research on natural male enhancement. Smiling Bob approves | (131) |
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Yeah, I'm sorry I cut off that guy's penis, my bad. Penis | (42) |
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Defendant on trial for killing another man uses the "coming right at me" defense. Yes, that's an actual quote | (72) |
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You know who else painted Disney characters during the Second World War? | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
For the first time in history, every single jail cell in England was full last night | (68) |
Fri February 22, 2008
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Woman who builds up "freakishly" large amounts of static electricity in her body has destroyed 55 appliances just by touching them and can't ever use a computer (w/ shocking pic) | (201) |
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Woman has her kids taken away for five years after asshat doctor mistakes cancer for child abuse, calls social services | (119) |
| (KUAM) | |
If a B2 Stealth Bomber crashes at Anderson AFB are there any witnesses? | (340) |
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Conceited HUD secretary loves himself so much he plasters self portraits all over Federal Building's lobby (with video of bizarre shrine) | (32) |
| (Lohud.com) | |
Man sitting in his car decides to light up a smoke, discovers the hard way that the acetylene tank in his trunk was leaky | (42) |
| (Halon Colider) | |
Photoshop this crazy physicist and his sidewalk-chalk drawn formula | (94) |
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Guido pics confound London Times. It thinks they may be eastern European | (161) |
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"Any pressure group wishing to draw attention to something - child abuse, repetitive-strain injury, dangerous dogs, etc - says there is an 'epidemic' of it. Epidemic is a word that can frighten publicity-conscious politicians." | (44) |
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Looking for some thrills? The occasionally interactive big cat exhibit at the San Francisco zoo just reopened | (56) |
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Chicago-area fourth graders' field trip is ruined by a naked guy masturbating while driving next to their bus. In his defense, their school is called Wood View Elementary | (113) |
| (995fm.com) | |
Today's dumbass teens arrested for using MySpace for threats brought to you by New Orleans: We'll take "all our guns and go in and kill everyone" at area mall | (53) |
| (Some Blog) | |
Hottest Chicks of the 80's make you: Dream a little Flamingo Kid in the Valley of Wierd Science when the night of the comet makes you feel like a nerd who would be better off dead than joining the police academy to be a Beverly Hills cop | (263) |
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The Smoking Gun's weekly mugshot roundup starts off with hittable goodness, then it gets weird | (306) |
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Two bank tellers help themselves to $1.2 million of customers' money. Would have gotten away with it if not for computers, cameras, and customers who know how much money they have | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
And now for something completely different. A school bus on skis | (60) |
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Dick Durbin and Chuck Schumer living together: The Odd Couple on Capitol Hill | (117) |
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Over 300,000 New Zealanders sign petition for the right to smack the living crap out of their children | (344) |
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It's all fun and games until some drunk breaks out a taser at his mother's birthday party | (46) |
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Arizona to become the "Persian Gulf of Solar Energy." Hopefully one with fewer explosions | (109) |
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Golden glove boxer arrested for fighting with his girlfriend tries to fight arresting deputies. With guess-who-lost mug shot goodness | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Historic hotel owned by successful romance novelist trembles under the turgid force and musky heat of explosion rocking its lower extremities | (137) |
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SMU finally agrees to host Bush Presidential library, White House immediately starts transferring all the coloring books he has finished | (191) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man carrying dog skull, sword, knife and Molotov cocktail prompts call | (70) |
| (myTelus) | |
Cat goes missing while carpenter is fixing wall. I think you can see where this is going | (138) |
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Plane with landing gear trouble to cra-- uh, land at Miami airport. Gets full, second by second update on CNN, who hasn't had a good plane crash footage in six and a half years now | (164) |
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Man claims he is 24's Jack Bauer and rams car because driver was a terrorist | (57) |
| (FamilyTalk?) | |
You know those "how's my driving?" stickers you see on commercial vehicles? Well now douchey parents can put them on their kids' cars | (340) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Should your car break down after a hard day of shoplifting, steal a nondescript vehicle, such as a fire truck, to complete your escape (w/ pic of the criminal mastermind) | (66) |
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Man and wife have argument over which one is too drunk to drive. Man gets behind wheel and accidently runs over wife. That answers that | (41) |
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In honor of it finally snowing this winter, NYC Mayor offers New Yorkers free hot chocolate and free sled rentals. And, even better, alternate side of the street parking is suspended | (69) |
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Wanted: Teenage Pregnancy Implementation Manager. Position expected to be vacant again in 9 months. And in 18 months. And in 27 months… | (57) |
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Crack HAZMAT team assembled to recover the remains of shot-down satellite that absolutely did not contain any nuclear weapons, no matter where on earth it impacts | (102) |
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Denver debates whether providing condoms in public schools will lead to promiscuity, because nothing makes sex more irresistible to a teenager than sex with free condoms | (116) |
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Man tapes knives to hand "Wolverine-style" to attack police | (78) |
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"Thank you for calling the city purchasing department. Our mayor is a complete moron" | (45) |
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Two girls banned from flying on Southwest Airlines say are they being mistreated because they are too pretty. Guess it has nothing to do with acting like jackasses on the plane. With 'you decide' video | (659) |
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US Embassy workers in Serbia ordered home. Estimated lifespan of new Belgrade bridges reduced drastically | (139) |
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Conservative media attacks New York Times, because after all THEY would never, EVER run a smear against a Democratic candidate. Next on Fox: Obama wants illegal aliens to eat your mother | (219) |
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Having a cat lowers your heart attack risk, but raises your die-alone-among-47-cats risk | (101) |
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Next plague likely to come from wildlife in poor tropical country. QUICK SOMEONE CUT FLORIDA LOOSE | (38) |
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There aint no party like a Mugabe house party | (69) |
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Photoshop theme: Advertise a product that no one would ever want | (176) |
| (IHT.com) | |
A man a plan a Korean a canal Lana can a er ok anal. Panama | (125) |
| (Daily Express) | |
Six-year old girl is pecked by a swan, demands to know whose swans they are. Mother tells her the swans belong to the Queen, girl fires off angry letter. Bonus: Queen sends her back an apology | (115) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Limerick leads Ireland for divorce / It's unclear what exactly's the source / It seems a disaster / That the rate's gettin' faster / It's the children who lose out, of course | (46) |
| (Jumper) | |
Problem: Hayden Christensen's performance in Jumper. Solution: Video game contains no Hayden Christensen. (Sponsored Link) | (143) |
| (KOB TV-4 News) | |