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Sun February 10, 2008
| (koco.com) |  |
The good news is that the new 911 system is up to date to ensure a rapid response. The bad news is that the post office won't deliver your mail until you change your address | (25) |
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Al Qaeda in Iraq: The surge is kicking our ass | (97) |
| (WOTV) |  |
400 cars stranded after 50 car pileup in Michigan | (46) |
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Obama takes Maine, making him 4 for 4 this weekend | (295) |
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We're gonna need a bigger coffin. Roy Scheider dead at 75 | (235) |
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The Patriots may have lost the Super Bowl but at least they didn't contract parvovirus like participants in the Puppy Bowl | (188) |
| (Some Blog Guy) |  |
If you think a professor at a digital arts college would know what a tripod looks like... you'd be wrong | (96) |
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Boulder Colorado is the smartest city in the US, just ask anyone who lives there | (128) |
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Stupid beer laws are going the way of the dodo | (180) |
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Mom whose son was killed by tornado in Indiana in 2005 brings 'playground on wheels' to kids whose homes were destroyed by tornadoes in Kentucky last week (pic) | (48) |
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Nixon resignation outtakes | (111) |
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Marrying a distant relative could lead to a larger family, transfer to West Virginia | (66) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Man invents vitamin-laced beer after noting his countrymen's preferred drinking habits. "Filipinos drink only on three occasions—when they are sad, when they are happy and in between" | (60) |
| (Politico.com) | |
Hillary Clinton's campaign manager nearly breaks her ankle jumping off the bandwagon | (381) |
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Society must be protected from people who commit sexual attacks while they are asleep | (66) |
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British invent new sport of horse surfing. "It just feels amazing - you have the power of the horse and the power of the wave which are two of nature's most inspiring forces" (pic) | (70) |
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What do you call a wrestler with no legs, forearms, or hands? Champ | (112) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you're a critic of the government’s illegal-immigration policies it probably shouldn't come as a surprise when two F-16's pay you a visit when you're out tooling around in your Cessna | (109) |
| (Some Potty Mouth) |  |
News: man jumps out of moving car. Fark: so he could curse at cops | (9) |
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Dick Cheney seeks to block release of videotaped depositions of two aides who tell conflicting stories about an alleged assault by a war protestor, fears they may end up being re-cut into a YouTube parody movie. Leave Cheney alone | (51) |
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Michigan town automatically upgrades citizens toilets to bidets without even being asked to do so. No that's what you call good public service | (32) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this dancer | (48) |
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National Health Service advises rigorous sex to stave off heart disease and cancer. In other news, beer keeps you thin and chocolate cures ebola | (54) |
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Social security declares a very much alive woman is dead... twice. Then go digging in her bank account. They must really want that check back | (43) |
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The obituary that has it all: six marriages in three months, 100 B-movie roles, nailing his best friend's mom at age 15, nailing Hedy Lamarr later on, jazz lessons from Louis Armstrong, plus mujahideen, the French Foreign Legion, and the RAF | (154) |
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Attention commuters: prepare to dye | (41) |
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"White lobster" responsible for Nicaraguan town's booming economy, impressive beer consumption | (38) |
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Captured terrorist diary reveals Al Qaeda may be crumbling, Hannah Montana is AWESOME, and that slut Basheera is a two-faced liar | (234) |
| (Teachers Beards.org) | |
Help benefit a food pantry in submitter's neighborhood... by voting for the Ugly Teacher Beards of JEHS (w/pic brilliance) | (56) |
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$5,000 is reasonable compensation for being wrongfully jailed for a year on a child molestation charge, right? | (161) |
| (Bloomberg) |  |
Chrysler is talking to other automakers about using the mechanical underpinnings of their models and putting a new exterior on them in order to cut costs | (126) |
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Britain to launch "dial-a-bobby" scheme, which involves publishing police officers' e-mail addresses and cell phone numbers so people can contact them directly. Your cunning plan seems to have a flaw | (40) |
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After years of research, it is determined that affluent kids are six times as likely as poor ones to obtain a college degree. Judge Smails advises that world needs ditch diggers too | (155) |
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And now for something completely different: A lion riding a horse (with pics) | (99) |
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Problem: Mother upset to find picture of daughter on Google. Solution: Call local news agency so EVERYONE knows there is a picture of daughter on Google | (159) |
| (UfoSpider) |  |
Three airliners, six pilots, their cabin crew and half the passengers witness UFO as big as a battle ship... simultaneously | (121) |
| (Some Gardener) |  |
This Sunday morning scaremongering article asks, "Is your garden's fertilizer a radioactive hazard?" | (58) |
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Man who knocked up his son's 18-year-old girlfriend and then tried to run him over with the family car says he hopes everyone can just get along again | (80) |
| (Some Lawyer) |  |
Should America deport anybody who tears up a parking ticket? | (75) |
| (Palm Beach Post) | |
Because of all the food safety issue problems, kosher food sales are way up | (190) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Berke Breathed has lost all perspective on what normal people get stressed over | (101) |
| (Palm Beach Post) | |
"Being a Democrat in Florida is like being the coyote in a Road Runner cartoon. Things start out so promising, but in the end you just screw up everything in a comical way. Beep beep" | (124) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop what's in this cup of tea | (66) |
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Man killed in go-kart accident. Authorities suspect it was a red shell (from the voting tab) | (71) |
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Man hides dead wife in drum for 23 years. Listen to your father, girls: never date a drummer | (68) |
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Giant rabbit comes within a hare of winding up in stew pot before his owner decides he's too famous to cook (pic) | (72) |
| (Some Drunk) | |
♫ ♪ It knows when you're not sober / It knows when you've been drunk / It knows when you've been sloshed or smashed / So you'd better stay clean, you punk ♪ ♫ | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you're a newspaper reporter and think it's a good story idea to sneak a knife and gun on a plane 24 hours after an attempted hijacking, you can pretty much kiss that Pulitzer goodbye | (22) |
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Hambulance | (57) |
| (wmbb.com) | |
Teen's family claims it is perfectly normal to create a secret encrypted language and use it to lay out an elaborate plan to kill multiple classmates. Mother of the Year candidate: "He has a wonderful imagination" w/ vid | (105) |
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Macho ex-British Marine celebrates his retirement by turning into Mrs. Doubtfire (w/ uncanny post-op pic) | (67) |
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Drunk couple jump out of taxi to argue in middle of highway. Speedbumpularity ensues | (31) |
| (ventura star) | |
Prisoner #1: Whaddaya in for? Prisoner #2: GTA. Prisoner #1: What kinda car? Prisoner #2: No, grand theft avocado | (29) |
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If (GPA < 2.0), housing = no | (178) |
| (QCTimes) | |
17-year old tricks out car to look like a squad car at night with flashing red and blue lights and strobes. Guess who he tried to pull over first? | (70) |
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It's no scarlet letter, but it works | (59) |
| (Some Letter Carrier) | |
Photoshop what's in the bag | (44) |
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Children's Rights Commissioner in Nanny State urges Mosquito noise device, that drives off pretards by emitting high-pitched whine only they can hear, 'infringes their human rights.' Which is sorta the point | (83) |
| (NZ Herald) | |
News: Police intervene in domestic fight. Fark: A pillow fight | (44) |
| (Some Cow) | |
"Kidman swimsuit fetches nine cows at auction" | (53) |
Sat February 09, 2008
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Countries around the world look forward to outcome of 2008 elections, because for first time in eight years, they won't have to bring colouring books to international summits | (205) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teenager tells a game forum that he's going to burn down a church and then posts pics of himself in the act, because everybody knows that the cops don't have the internet | (80) |
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Obama takes Nebraska, Washington and Louisiana to complete the Saturday Democratic trifecta (off-shore bonus: Virgin Islands) | (1121) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Tinfoil hats required: "The last week has seen a spate of unexplained, cut, undersea communications cables...the total number of cut cables remain in question, but likely number as many as eight, and maybe nine or more" | (141) |
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Bride dies during first dance at wedding reception | (300) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ahhh, nothing like the scent of oil and grease to bring a man and a woman together for that tractor pull of love | (19) |
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Ancient history: Full-service gas stations. Old and busted: Self-serve gas stations. New hotness: Full-service gas stations using robots | (62) |
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International Falls, MN officially declared "Icebox of the Nation," narrowly edging Witches Tit, WI and Welldigger's Ass, ND | (89) |
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Put the tequila down and come out with your hands up | (27) |
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Huckabee wins Kansas, evolves into stronger candidate | (198) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop a background for this colorful dancer | (90) |
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Dumb: Lady finds dog, thinks it's abandoned, and gives it to her sister. Dumber: She found it in a dog park. Dumbass: The owner was also at the dog park | (109) |
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Price of oil to rise on the fact that some guy just spent $6.75M for a license plate in UAE | (65) |
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News: lawyer charged with assault. Fark: after shaking hands with federal prosecutor | (62) |
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Ohio mayor tells busload of Marines who had arrived in city for weekend training exercise to get out, saying their exercise would "frighten" citizens | (176) |
| (NYT) | |
How do you save a failing inner-city school? Why, send a Hasidic Jew with military training to be principal, of course | (131) |
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London's Camden Market engulfed in flames (with video) | (129) |
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One way to get ahead in your job is by showing the dedication of taking your work home with you. That is unless you work in a law enforcement crime lab and have the keys to the evidence closet where the cocaine is kept | (19) |
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Creationists are working hard to make Europe the new Florida | (758) |
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"It grieves me to break it to you that Canadians are, in fact, not particularly sexy." | (137) |
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Heartwarming story of a lonely U.S. soldier in Iraq who befriends a divorced woman and her kids as a pen-pal, and they all lived happily ever after. Together | (52) |
| (Citizens' Voice) | |
Not news: 108 year old woman dies. FARK: Credited Coors Light for keeping her young | (71) |
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Rare ugly ass baby monkey being raised by evolved monkey | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Military institute blames 30% enrollment decline on Iraq war. Mission Accomplished | (141) |
| (Trinidad Express) | |
Naked woman restrained by six people. "Her skin is really smooth," one commented | (75) |
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Rookie teacher busted for using masking tape to restrain special education student. As anyone with tenure knows, it is a lot harder for them to wriggle free if you use duct tape | (79) |
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Why it’s okay to settle for Mr. Good Enough | (430) |
| (SB Sun) | |
If you've misplaced 181 snakes and Gila monsters, 13 turtles and four desert tortoises, animal control officers would like to speak with you | (24) |
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Yahoo to Microsoft: Suck it | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
News: Seven men attempt to break into an elderly couple's house and are shot at. Fark: The mother of the man shot calls the couple to complain about them shooting her son | (130) |
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#615 of things we already knew without a study: Homework of little benefit to students | (160) |
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42-year-old mother has parental rights terminated for having affair with 16-year-old boy | (80) |
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Russian bomber flies over contested island in Northern Japan. The Japanese miltiary responds "appropriately" by scrambling 22 fighter jets and 2 AWACs. Amazingly, hillarity doesn't ensue | (158) |
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Enterprising Wal-Mart employee loads $20's into a self-service register's $1 change slot and makes 10 purchases just to get change back. In related news, Wal-Mart has an enterprising employee | (106) |
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250 people protest parking tickets issued for violating a parking ban during a non-existent snow storm | (38) |
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Microsoft contributes to global warming, and gets praised for their efforts | (34) |
| (Mr Entitlement) | |
Apparently Mr. Schmeling, my driver's ed instructor, was wrong when he told us a drivers license is a privilege. ACLU says "you are entitled to have a license" | (153) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Chinese chefs inspired by Year of the Rat. "Diners say the meat is tender and better than chicken" | (46) |
| (NYT) | |
It turns out that biofuels are worse for the environment than oil. You're doing it wrong | (126) |
| (Some Gal) | |
Photoshop theme: Literal translations of popular idioms | (171) |
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Former detective starts company to sell off unclaimed stolen property for police agencies. "I've learned two things. One: people will steal anything. Two: people will buy anything." | (27) |
| (The Day) | |
Bomb scare in CT Senior Living Center forces evacuation. "It looked like a summer camp sing-a-long, except that it was neither summer nor a camp. And it was a slightly older crowd." Police believ...wait.. what? | (18) |
| (Ron Paul 2008) | |
Ron Paul to scale back his campaign, concentrate on re-election to Congress. Thousands of moody loners mourn in their mom's basements | (563) |
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Wedding decorations: $25,000. Fine for screwing them up: $322,751. Yuppie with entitlement issues whining about "decapitated roses": Priceless | (178) |
| (kten) | |
Gary Larson's cows would've known it was coming | (56) |
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Soon the only place smokers will be able to smoke will be nowhere | (205) |
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Mukasey says the Justice Department cannot investigate waterboarding. If only there were some way to coerce him into doing his job | (108) |
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It turns out that Alzheimer's patients and vegetarian zombies need the same thing: GRAAAIIINNS | (35) |
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70-year-old woman: "Get off my lawn". Cops: "Not until you water it". Woman: "No". Cops: "That's a handcuffin'" | (95) |
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They pull a snowball, you pull a knife. He pelts one of you with slush, you send one of his to the hospital. That's the Canadian way | (37) |
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Ireland debates switch to right-hand driving, since their drunken citizenry has been driving that way for years | (58) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
Federal judge says the Americans with Disabilities Act requires restaurant workers to be polite to the blind | (83) |
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Scottish government releases guide for Caturday. Helpful tips include avoiding the spin dryer and six-story falls from the balcony | (506) |
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Hearse overturns in funeral horses’ stampede | (18) |
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The Last American ocean liner heads to the scrapper | (69) |
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Not news: woman caught three times for drunk driving. Fark: within five hours | (25) |
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18 year old: "They gave me a DWR — driving while Republican." And just when you thought we were making headway on oppression in America | (205) |
| (Metro.co.uk) | |
Woman is shocked, SHOCKED to learn that putting a gasoline can on a lit stove may burn your trailer down | (36) |
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Pentagon says that war strains the military's capabilities. In other news, the sky is blue, grass is green, and Drew is on his 10th beer as we speak | (57) |
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Restaurant customer returns £18k bottle of wine when he notices it is fake, has to instead make do with a £20k bottle instead. Don't you hate when that happens to you? | (70) |
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We've secretly placed this woman's miscarried fetus in with her personal belongings, let's see if she notices | (72) |
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Old and busted: road rage. New hotness: drive-thru rage (w/mugshot) | (40) |
| (Nat Geo) | |
Mayans used to paint their temples with glitter for special occasions. Sorta like strippers | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this vacuum tube | (74) |
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Botox (short for Botulism Toxin) found to be toxic, cause botulism | (102) |
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Baby born in car named "Adele" because that was the song playing on the radio at the time. Child expected to go through life grateful that station wasn't playing Iron Maiden's Charlotte the Harlot (pic) | (71) |
| (Casper Star Tribune) |  |
Not news: Woman arrested in connection with cocaine ring. News: She was a sixth-grade teacher. Fark: Who taught DARE classes | (72) |
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World photo contest winners here to remind you that your pictures suck. Subject in #5 would be lucky to enjoy it (a couple photos may be somewhat disturbing) | (120) |
| (WYFF4.com) | |
You lock your keys in your SUV in a remote wilderness area. Do you (a) smash out a window or (b) die of hypothermia waiting for help? | (136) |
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Everything you've always suspected about grown men who like to dress up as bunnies turns out to be true (w/ pic that will haunt your dreams) | (72) |
| (Poughkeepsie Journal) | |
Landocalrissan Butler crashes car onto lawn after brief police chase. Yes, *that* Landocalrissan Butler | (108) |
| (WWaY TV-3) | |
When taking your kid to school, it's usually a good idea to leave your gun at home with your fake US Marshall credentials | (26) |
| (Some 'mitter) | |
In Los Angeles, they've banned the selling of grilled hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Oh the ham-anity | (231) |
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Pizza Hut staff tell a group of gay men who turned up in mini-skirts and high heels that they're out of pepperoni. "It was clear they were embarrassed by us," notes one of the men | (90) |
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Dodge Viper discontinued, thousands of American males now forced to turn to Viagra for penile enhancement | (99) |
Fri February 08, 2008
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The most amazing river surfing video you will see today. (with Rage background music bonus and super cute sunglasses kid finish) | (48) |
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Crocs sued for delivering delicious toes to alligator-like escalators | (74) |
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25 percent of teens have sex by age 16. In related news, 75 percent of fathers of teen girls have one of those nice Mossberg over-and-unders, and enjoy showing the neat laser-sighting feature to their daughter's dates | (199) |
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If there was ever a victimless crime, it would be making the repairman fix your tv dish at gun point cause he was late. I mean, come on | (35) |
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The little engine that could, does. That's gonna leave a smear | (37) |
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After hitting a pedestrian, habitual traffic offender has car crushed by police. That will be an interesting insurance claim | (41) |
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Typical College lockdown in Canada: no guns have been found, no shots were fired, no one was injured and no one has been arrested | (52) |
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Hot girls, uni-brows, strange tattoos - It's Friday mug-shot time at the Smoking Gun | (200) |
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The best mother and son robbery team mugshots you'll see all day | (51) |
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Ugly women start their own Facebook group | (141) |
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"Droopy Drawers Bandit" steals 20 TVs with pants at his knees. He doesn't let that slow him down | (27) |
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The rules for these rebate checks reads a lot like stereo instructions | (134) |
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A Milwaukee couple concocts a beer that tastes like pizza -- Pizza Beer | (57) |
| (KHOU) | |
If your school bus driver won't let you on while eating your oatmeal, do you c) get your mother's boyfriend to chase down the bus and open fire | (41) |
| (KXAN-TV) | |
If you're going to go through all the trouble to convict a rapist, you probably shouldn't leave his cell door unlocked | (24) |
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Police searching for rapist described as black, large and tall arrest man who is white, small and short – and despite being exonerated, he's still wearing an ankle bracelet five months later (pic) | (80) |
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Homeless guy with a cardboard sign? Better pay attention to the fine print | (126) |
| (Some long tall Texan) | |
Vote on the new license plate for Texas. Difficulty: None of the plates suck like all y'all's other states | (253) |
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Anna Nicole Smith, one year later (spoiler alert: She's still dead) | (71) |
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Media trumpeting of new threat: Killer jellyfish. "A perfect toxin-loaded killing machine, there is no creature on earth that can dispatch a human being so easily or so quickly" | (119) |
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Captain Obvious just held a quick news conference to let you know that fat people don't like to wear seatbelts | (49) |
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Chapter 1 of "Dummies Guide To Theft": Don't lock your keys in the getaway car | (10) |
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Iran starts construction on second nuclear power plant. Yeah, this is going to end well | (169) |
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Archbishop of Canterbury "shocked" at the hostile reaction his Sharia remarks generated. "Get a grip, for Allah's sake," he said | (139) |
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If you left a five-ton anchor wrapped around a broken undersea cable, the Internet would like a word with you | (88) |
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Polaroid ends production of instant film products. Millions of old ladies wonder what they're going to shake now | (148) |
| (Some New Mexican) | |
Hey, you think they'll notice that we are Clinton supporters and we kept three ballot boxes in our home overnight? | (235) |
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Don't even think about collecting rain water in Colorado because it is meant for others downstream | (103) |
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"Why Paper Cuts Hurt So Much: The Mystery." It's not news, it's ABCNews.com | (102) |
| (KREM.com) | |
Could be the Yeti or some kind of freak rabbit, but a guy in Montana has pics of what he calls the Rare Albino Moose | (87) |
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Lockdown at Sheridan College. Canadians have guns too apparently | (189) |
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Despite his flamboyant attitude, metrosexual ways, and that big, gay mustache, the guitarist of Queen had no idea Freddie Mercury was gay | (222) |
| (Some Ohio Player) |