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Sun January 27, 2008
Yahoo News Head of Greece Orthodox Church dies - religious leader trifecta now in play (36)
CNN PSA States to get harder...harder... harder... HARDER on teachers who sexually abuse students (21)
WebProNews Cool FINALLY: National Delete Your My Space Account Day: January 30th (63)
(Ex-Mormon TFette) News Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the LDS Church, has died. He is survived by children but no wives, believe it or not (166)
CNN News 'Major' movement of Iraqi forces, including troops, special forces, tanks and Iraqi air force support poised to deal a death blow to al Qaeda loyalists (117)
(Some Guy) Cool Haunting and beautiful photos and video of the abandoned Namibian town of Kolmanskop, a ghost town that is turning back into sand dunes (79)
CNN Asinine Today's headline: Michael Vick's pit bulls learn to be pets. Next Week: Michael Vick's pit bulls maul new owner (165)
Toronto Star Ironic Not News: We need to conserve water. News: Citizens successful in conserving water. Fark: Due to succesful water conservation programs city raises water rates to make up for shortfall in revenue (129)
MSNBC Interesting Whole Foods cashiers will no longer ask "paper or plastic." However they will still ask "would you like to finance your groceries today with low interest, adjustable rate 30 year mortgage?" (211)
ABC News Scary Machete-armed gangs rampaging through Kenya. Well no wonder they're mad, they've got machete arms (77)
MSNBC Florida Woman punches police horse outside nightclub (w/ mugshot). Horse union taps out request for Tasers (83)
(Some Guy) Cool Incredible Hi Res 3D Motion Photo Panoramas (49)
(Some Guy) Cool The coolest gum sculptures you'll see today (22)
Defamer Obvious Author who infiltrated Scientology goes into hiding after receiving threatening phone calls. Xenu always calls collect (185)
CBS Boston Spiffy Players, fans, media, and prostitutes flock to Phoenix for Super Bowl (43)
(Buffalo News) Interesting Honor roll student receives 7 week suspension after trying to take on the School Board. Your tax dollars at work (118)
(Some Guy) Sappy Japanese girl's letter returned 15 years later... by a fish (45)
(Plan59.com) Photoshop Photoshop Mr Pickle (93)
Network World Amusing Confessions of a former Apple zealot: "I've been de-programmed off Apple for more than a decade now. I'm no Apple fan boy anymore." (439)
BBC Interesting The BBC discusses what makes a good teacher. Ambiguous moral compass and unhealthy fondness for preteen boys strangely absent (35)
BBC Cool "My wife was quite amazed when the plumber went down, pulled one of the legs out from this hatch and told her there were hundreds more" (76)
El Paso Times Ironic Army prohibits soldiers to travel to Mexico because of increasing violence. Travel to Iraq still OK (68)
(Gothamist) Strange An “automotive Bermuda Triangle;” a five-block dimension where vehicles mysteriously die. Welcome to the Empire State Building Zone (61)
Guardian.com Interesting Kidney snatching gang arrested. In addition to dead bodies, cops found 100 tubes of lipstick and 8,000 pounds of ice (28)
NYPost Asinine Doctor's note could serve as "get out of jail free" card for many jailed NY "sickos" under governor's plan. Michael Moore unavailable for comment (42)
(Some Guy) Sad Coming soon to an internet near you: facebook apps. Everywhere (105)
WFTV Florida If you're drunk and you really need to hand in a paper for a class make sure you don't try to hand it in at a police station (12)
Fox News Dumbass Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so (83)
YouTube Amusing Half-Life: Full Life Consequences (a nine-year old's Half-Life 2 fanfiction narrated and animated -- with spelling intact) (111)
Live Science Obvious How to tell if you are addicted to technology. Clue #1: You're reading this online on a Sunday (128)
Yahoo Strange Tantric master breaks record by immersing self in ice for 72 minutes. You're doing it wrong (53)
BBC Asinine UK may ask soldiers to wear uniforms to off-duty drunken brawls (23)
(Some Really Old Guy) Photoshop Photoshop challenge: Repair this ancient Roman ruin (47)
News.com.au Scary Don't you hate it when you step on a shark's tail and it turns around and bites you so hard on the leg the only way you can free yourself is to cut off its head? Yeah, so does this guy (45)
SMH Asinine In the good old days, people would just laugh at the five-year olds who ate chalk. Today they call in the drug counseling squad (46)
Fox News Weird Cat with five legs dropped off at shelter. Veterinarians look at it, realize something is not right with a cat that has five legs, confer among themselves, agree to remove two legs (112)
(Some Low Guy) Dumbass "I love the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it." Not this time, Mitch (155)
(Some Bunny) Silly Rabbits have taken over Fort Worth, TX and will remain in control until next weekend. EVERYBUNNY PANIC (161)
AP Amusing Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not drop the soap (60)
Reuters Obvious The WHO recommends ways to reduce the harmful effects of alcohol, then trashes their hotel room (62)
CBS San Francisco Scary Unique job posting on Craigslist: $5,000 offered to "eradicate a female living in Oroville, California." (68)
(Sun Herald) Sad Northern pintail flies 6,700 miles from Japan to live on the Mississippi delta only to be shot dead by a hunter (150)
(nola.com) Dumbass If the cops pull you over on suspicion of having stolen a cash register, no matter how good your story is, they're likely to be skeptical if you have a cash register in your lap (29)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop these computers in the window (34)
This Is Local London Cool Slutty pictures of Britain's youngest female councillor surface (314)
USA Today Cool 19-year-old girl dreams of being on Broadway, but takes a job as Miss America 2008. Congratulations Miss Michigan, Kirsten Haglund (113)
(Tribune-Herald) Strange Bad: You're suspended from school. Worse: They won't say why. Fark: You're the principal (34)
(Some Bender) Dumbass Some kids try to mythbust A Christmas Story. Don't mess with a classic (73)
CNN News The smiling general, Suharto, who ruled Indonesia for 31 years has died at age 86 (140)
(K2) Cool The kind of boy that would receive an air compressor for Christmas is the same kind of boy that would convert it into a snow machine and fill his back yard with three feet of snow overnight so he can snowboard (133)
CBS Sacramento Strange Pennsylvania church decides to just save everyone some time and will be holding confession at bars (41)
(Damn Funny Pictures) Amusing Please, please consider giving to the People Who Wear Too Much Sunless Tanning Lotion foundation. Every little bit could help children like these (336)

Sat January 26, 2008
(WTVH-5) Followup Fred Phelps & the WBC forego Army specialist's funeral in Upstate New York in order to picket Heath Ledger tribute at the SAG Awards. In other news, godhatessag.com still available (121)
The Morning Call Dumbass Allentown, PA provides one of the BEST arrest photos you will ever see (261)
CTV Scary What the hell are all of these automobiles doing on my runway? (25)
DallasNews Dumbass "Police said Mr. Robinson ... thought that he'd discharged all of the rounds, so he put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger" (123)
(Sierra Vista Herald) Strange If you stole a pickup truck and abandoned it with 1150 pounds of pot, police would like to have a word with you. Oh, and bring nachos (32)
(Some Guy) Florida Sun Tzu may have been a military genius, but even he could not have predicted the horrors...of marshmallow warfare (47)
MSNBC Scary NSC announces that a huge spy satellite has lost power and propulsion, there's no way to stop it, and they have no idea where it will smash into on Earth. Have a nice day (157)
Denver Post Asinine Man counts every sheet of toilet paper he uses and discovers Angel Soft only delivers an average of 156.75 sheets of the 198 promised, so he calls the Better Business Bureau and makes a stink (149)
(Some Bivalve Arthropod) Photoshop Photoshop this ostracode carapace (50)
Wall Street Journal Interesting Judge holds a lawyer in contempt for reading a Maxim magazine in court. Lawyer gets into argument with the judge about if Maxim is considered pornography or not. Somewhere, Lionel Hutz is smiling (67)
(Some Guy) Interesting 19-year-old girl dreams of being a dancer, but takes a job as a welder to pay the bills. Somebody should make a movie about her (116)
Guardian.com Unlikely British women have drinking under control. "We know exactly how much we're drinking - yes, right up to the point when we don't" (33)
(Some stupid college paper) Scary Student busted for hoping his professor would die a slow and painful death and of AIDS. I guess those evaluations aren't as anonymous as I thought (213)
Reuters Strange Lithuania contemplates changing name to increase tourism. Torn between "Baltic State formerly known as Lithuania" and "Paris" (121)
WTOP Followup High school punk who called administrator to complain about not getting a snow day is given detention; for using his mobile phone during the school day (364)
(Anchorage Daily News) Cool "Popsicle" cat neatly trimmed and ready for adoption (pic) (144)
Reuters Interesting Britain recruiting 'twitchers' to count tits and boobies (41)
Forbes Scary When do you start saving for your child's education? At least 10 years before they're born if you want to send them to one of these preschools. With "I can see where my money is going" photo goodness (141)
SMH Scary Shrink with 30 yrs experience testifies in court that Ritalin contributes to school violence. Other shrinks get upset, so what do they do? C) order the shrink in question to treatment in a mental hospital for disagreeing with them (238)
(The Whig) Sappy Soldier deployed to Afghanistan rents ice so he can play hockey with his 4-year-old for first time the day before he goes. When his unit is sent early, the arena cancels all other rentals so the two can have the ice to themselves (105)
SFGate Interesting 29 things to be happy about. Yes, booze is there (111)
Daily Mail Stupid Kate and Gerry McCann may pocket $2 million for Oprah appearance, then planning extensive tour of world's best golf courses to search for their daughter's kidnapper (62)
(Some Guy) Followup Georgians may soon be able to water all their dead plants (37)
BBC Interesting Today's news item tailor-made for Fark involves a woman who threatened to cut off part of a man's body and leave him for dead, a "dirty old man," porn, and marijuana. The only thing missing is beer (13)
BBC Sick British Mother takes her 15 and 13 year old daughters to the US on holiday. Mother becomes ill, daughters taken to orphanage then stripped naked. Really (312)
Marketwatch Interesting The great fiscal stimulus package ... of 1929 (156)
Google Sad A helicopter is a great way to get around quickly in LA, but merging with the 110 is still hell (69)
WFTV Florida Five earn Darwin wings after flying their BMW off elevated runway at airstrip (114)
(Some Guy) Strange With this heroin, I thee wed (37)
Baltimore Sun Stupid Woman who wants to cash in 55,000 pennies can't stop congratulating herself for being frugal. Lets not spoil it by pointing out how much money she lost by keeping the hard currency for 15 years instead of putting it in the bank (102)
Toronto Star Obvious Americans rally at Canadian embassy in Washington to demand Canada allow hundreds of Iraq war resisters who fled there to stay in Canada. Apparently the U.S. doesn't want them either (165)
(Some Guy) Scary Serbian Interior Minister Dragan Jocic seriously injured in car accident. Beowulf sought for questioning (23)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Burglar identified and arrested after breaking into house while wearing monkey pajamas (11)
(Some Guy) Obvious This weekend Prince Charles becomes longest serving king-in-waiting in British history because Queen refuses to die. When asked if he's frustrated, wife simply replies "Neigh." (53)
Yahoo Amusing Giants fan paints his dog blue, but at least leaves the dog's privates unpainted. Because nobody likes a dog with a blue tongue (58)
Telegraph Cool Hookers For Jesus saving souls in Las Vegas, promising a happy ending in the afterlife (pic) (81)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this arboretum amphitheater (46)
Canoe Cool NYC couple finds camera in cab, spends weeks searching the pictures for clues so they can return it. Probably got the idea from the dozens of viral marketing campaigns that have already done this (35)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Drunk driver plays chicken with police cruiser, forces cops off road and into a fence; is found to be three times over the legal limit, has weed, an open container, and illegal cigarettes. TAA DAA (31)
ABC News Dumbass Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from delivering weed right to your door (30)
Local6 Florida Florida is quickly becoming the leader of teachers having sex with students (66)
(MaineToday.com) Followup Kissing magazine-seller gets Time. Not Life of course, but the Maxim that People get Downeast (35)
(Some Guy) Weird "It's not snake oil and we are not fly-by-night," says man who's pitching $2,800 mattress covers fitted with magnets to seniors (66)
Guardian.com Unlikely New survey reveals 29% of Britons think their warmest relations are with the EU, 64% think they are with America, and 7% with various barnyard animals (111)
(The Age) Interesting Teen who had armed ripped off in shark attack surfing circles around her competition in pro event. Shark trifecta now in play (52)
(Some Guy) Amusing The five worst dating profiles (187)
(Some Guy) Strange "Officers had no choice but to use a Taser on a passenger on a Greyhound bus who was found ripping the skin off his head" (66)
UPI Florida Can't stop here- it's bat country (44)
(Some Caturday Guy) Hero Cat saved from sinking boat by Deputy Corm, just in time for Caturday (with embiggenable pic) (621)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Wealthy British lasses are plonking down tens of thousands of pounds for exotic purses made out of crocodile skin, diamonds, gold, baby seals and babies (75)
Lancashire Evening Post Amusing Idiot brothers tried to smuggle flip-flops, a jar of mayonnaise and hot pepper sauce over a prison fence for their convict brother, who presumably has a liking for fine dining (30)
The Smoking Gun Cool GRR, baby - very grr (88)
CBS New York Dumbass Savannah, apparently forgetting the score last time they got uppity with the north, bans the FDNY from marching in their St. Patrick's Day Parade (109)
(Some Guy) Photoshop Photoshop this Super Tube Professional STP 6 (34)
(kare11) Weird Shark attacks up at the Mall of America (40)
CBS Austin Dumbass You know the economy is in the tank when guy breaks into a house to rob a kid's piggy bank (16)
SMH PSA Happy Australia Day everyone (119)
(Some Texan) Sick Today's trailer housing a pot-bellied pig, two pygmy goats, ponies, three dozen dogs, guinea pigs and exotic birds as well as a coatimundi, whatever that may be, brought to you by Marshall, Texas. Oh, yeah, four people lived there, too (48)
Cleveland Obvious 5 youths shot at Knight's Inn. It's only a flesh wound (36)
The Sun Obvious Oh look, a story involving vampire lesbian killers who like to kiss each other. Which media outlet do you expect is there? (97)
AFP Sad Family pets fall victim to subprime crisis. Wait, what? (164)
(therecord.com) Obvious Ric Romero headline of the day: "Toy guns can be mistaken for real thing" (36)
The Sun Cool Coolest photo of a root vegetable that looks like a couple with their arms wrapped around each other you'll see in the next 47 minutes (pic) (71)
UPI Florida Middle school's web page has all the usual stuff: Students, Faculty, Staff...but you probably shouldn't click the last one (48)
MSNBC Obvious Just when you thought hardcore news reporting was dead: "Stick Car Antenna Disappearing," now with incoherent headline freshness. The bar has been raised (65)
UPI Cool The Virginia Lottery pays 650 winners who played four zeros in the "Pick-4" lottery (81)
The Raw Story Interesting Romney ex-aide nabbed on sex charges. No word yet on whether or not he oiled his Mitt (62)

Fri January 25, 2008
(Some Guy) Dumbass Not News: Man steals Dell laptop. News: Can't crack password, seeks Tech support from a RentWay store. Fark: Manager recognizes start-up picture is his friend's child (157)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Scary No matter how much you support your little angel's athletic carreer, it is never good to call up the little league coach and threaten to shoot him "down like a dog" (w/ no-neck pic) (72)
USA Today Strange Gandhi grandson quits non-violence institute (75)
1010WINS Stupid Five-year old handcuffed after throwing tantrum at school, narrowly misses being tazed (109)
(My Fox Austin) Interesting Cat finds stash of child porn. Why don't you haz a seat right there (w/ mugshot) (142)
(KCRG) Strange Woman dies in bungee cord incident - but not the way you'd think (53)
(Some Guy) Dumbass If your sister slaps an officer in a drunken stupor, you might be a redneck. Doing it topless confirms it (52)
Des Moines Register Amusing Recession is hurting everyone, including armed robbers that are forced to settle for less money from their victims (43)
NYPost Sad NYC CEO's DUI leads to DOA victim. Next stop PMITA (92)
Deadspin Amusing With the stock and housing markets so unstable, why not invest in humans? Minor league pitcher offers shares of his future salary for as little as $20 (37)
CNN Strange Twelve year old says "Do I want to do what to my what?" (374)
Flickr Photoshop Photoshop these street signs (55)
Daily Mail Hero Mom succumbs to cancer in order to save unborn child. She'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine (257)
YouTube Dumbass Idiot steals from PC store while staring right at the security cameras, store owner posts to Youtube looking for help (86)
CNN Scary By the look of the pic, Mary Kate Olsen should have played the Joker in the new Batman film (340)
NJ.com Weird Man wins $800k after nagging girlfriend sends him on a three-hour drive to Atlantic City just to buy her jeans (122)
Breitbart.tv Video Fox News anchor apologizes for the "Quit You" crack about Heath Ledger's death. Great, now we ALL have to apologize (197)
Stuff Amusing Megatron admits to importing drugs; blames it on Starscream (60)
SLTrib Weird Not news: Mom finds teen daughter with suspicious $20. News: Earned from performing oral sex on two men. Fark: One of whom ran a business cutting out the "dirty bits" from movies (159)
Telegraph Interesting CIA claims hackers have broken into power systems' computers and threatened to cut off electricity to entire cities unless they're paid a ransom (93)
(KSAT) Strange Police seize 6,000 bootleg cd's...estimate street value at $1.2 million (69)
(DailyCamera) Hero Man donates $25,000 to have his name on university bathroom (68)
Denver Post Dumbass Nothing says "I'm sorry we held you at gunpoint for an hour" like a check for $14,000 (60)
(Some Hebrish) Amusing Despite getting it wrong, some translations are right on the mark: "Your newspaper most whorable thing in the world" (23)
The Newspaper Hero Identical twins fighting speed camera citations catch ticket company forging documents (85)
(Bloomberg) Spiffy Further proof that the stimulus package is working: Super Bowl bets in Vegas expected to exceed $100 million for first time in history (36)
Minneapolis Star Tribune Amusing Wanted: Women who are 21 or older, of light weight, nimble, exhibit poise and control, and most importantly, enthusiasm. Oh, and they should not mind being tossed up to 20 feet in the air. No experience required (56)
Herald-Leader Interesting News: JoJo gets an obituary in the local paper. Fark: He's a frog. Awesome: He was 23 (73)
(Bloomberg) Silly Rumor of beer prices rising was true. Beer now $400 a glass (128)
CNN Obvious Operation "Here We Go Again" about to commence in Mosul, Iraq. Soon to be followed up by the obligatory "We got Al-Qaeda's second-in-command" announcement (298)
(Slice) Cool A guide to regional pizza styles. It covers everything from the classic New York slice to that phony pizza casserole they serve in Chicago (493)
WTAM Interesting Not news: Woman proposes a gun buyback program. News: She's a principal, and she wants it for her students. Fark: She's an elementary school principal (86)
Canoe Dumbass Canada suffers its own version of mall violence as a guy takes out six people, including a pregnant woman, with a hockey stick (103)
(Some Guy) Dumbass Cougar to be fitted with tracking device after being tagged by 15-year old boy (95)
Seattle Times Photoshop Photoshop this blessed pug (90)
Daily Mail Amusing Old and busted: Crop circles. New hotness: Sheep circles (pic) (55)
Discovery Interesting Hidden Afghanistan: The Recovered Treasure (54)
Breitbart.com NewsFlash Four alarm insurance fraud in Las Vegas at the Monte Carlo (442)
(Some Guy) Obvious Actual headline: "Breast augmentation available at Moundview" (93)
(Some Guy) Interesting Tennesseean reporter quits her job in the middle of writing a sto (83)
Telegraph Weird Grandmaster Bobby Fischer is odd even in death, having pre-arranged his own guerilla burial. Nobody understands why he picked that spot, but it'll keep Boris Spassky from crossing diagonally across it in 20 years (82)
(Some Guy) Hero Superhero wearing nothing but metallic underwear and handcuffs assists police by forcing stolen vehicle into telephone pole (86)
(Some Guy) Stupid When leaving on vacation, most people worry about leaving the iron on or how their pets will be taken care of. Most people don't worry about a construction crew demolishing their entire house by accident (57)
Denver Channel Asinine Jesus died for your chins (129)
Cleveland Interesting Cleveland man sentenced to 24 hours of being homeless after stealing Salvation Army kettle (64)
Google Stupid Yes Virginia, there is a Sangria clause (94)
National Post Misc Israel wants to "disconnect" from Gaza, still remain friends. Booty calls okay, too (223)
Guardian.com Obvious Japanese whaling fleet accuses the Australian government of helping the anti-whaling protesters. A spokesman aboard the HMAS Stands Out Like A Shag On A Rock was unavailable for comment (77)
ABC 2 Sick Man accused of electrocuting wife during kinky sex. He tried to blame the hair dryer for her death, but couldn't explain the burns on her nipples (199)