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Sun January 06, 2008
| (Montana's News Station) |  |
Attention, K-Mart shoplifters: we're currently running a Hunt-Your-Dumb-Ass-Down Special, featuring police cars, K9 units, and the Border Patrol helicopter | (7) |
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Omg wtf exgf bbq 2 | (77) |
| (WOAI) |  |
If you're going to impersonate police officers and pull over speeders, it's probably not best to do it in front of a real police officer | (47) |
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"She would strip naked in public and also imagined herself to be the pilot of a Boeing 747." The naked part must have made it easier to put the flaps down | (59) |
| (The Knight Who Said 'Wii') |  |
Queen of England caught playing with Prince William's Wii | (79) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Upset that her biological son left his house to his adoptive parents after his death, woman robs and burns the house. Nope, not Florida, not even Wisconsin. This gem of insanity comes to you from Minnesota | (79) |
| (Poughkeepsie Journal) |  |
Man caught stealing 42 items worth $143 at dollar store for the arithmetically-challenged | (48) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this filter | (61) |
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Two soldiers tackle suicide bomber in Iraq, sacrificing their lives to save their comrades in arms | (317) |
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British standard of living rises above that of Americans for first time in a century. Yoo may make fun of the Yanks' food and lack of teeth in the thread to the right | (161) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"There's no question in my mind if we had not had that barbecue we would have lost those people" | (47) |
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If you're pissed off at your neighbor for always stealing your parking space, just be glad he waits until you leave first. Unlike this guy | (47) |
| (KHOU.com) | |
Bad: You accidentally dye your hair pink. Really Bad: Your mom comes along and dyes it again, making it pink AND orange. Fark: Your school threatens to punish you for your bad hair day | (129) |
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Better Ingredients, Better Pizza, Better pack heat | (78) |
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If two women are trapped in an elevator on the first floor and they have six aspirin and two cough drops, how long will they survive? | (159) |
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Toronto's smallest house is on the market. For only $172,000 or so, this 300 sq. ft. dream home is yours | (134) |
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Al Qaeda offers service that will deliver Osama bin Laden's videos directly to your cell phone, along with a 30 second commercial for Britney Spears' new album "Blackout" | (76) |
| (WKRC) | |
Darwin approves of the combination of teenager, skateboard, steep hill, darkness and cross traffic. Teenager doesn't approve of combination of his body and a passing car | (78) |
| (KWTX 10 News) | |
Former prisoners attempt to rob banks to raise bail money for another inmate. Stunningly brilliant plan works out about as well as you'd expect from these rocket scientists | (19) |
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4-year-old girl has the ability to talk to animals through a chromosome defect. When she asked your dog what he/she wanted, your dog said steak | (178) |
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Ninja Bandit 19, NYPD 0 | (93) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Game: Draw whatever you want and the game will add the physics to the object. Difficulty: making circles not particularly easy | (181) |
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Today's frivolous lawsuit brought to you by woman who got hit by golf ball on a golf course, claims the course has a "design flaw" if that could happen | (100) |
| (City News - Toronto) | |
In this era of flight security concerns, maybe breaking into the cockpit and attempting to fly the plane isn't such a hot idea | (38) |
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Photoshop this gigantic featureless rabbit | (85) |
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Inmate who escaped prison twice and was recaptured has now sued the jail, on the grounds that they didn't do enough to stop him from escaping | (29) |
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Jellyfish is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, jellyfish-kabobs, jellyfish creole, jellyfish gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried | (104) |
| (NBC10) |  |
Sperm donor wins challenge to court ordered child support payments | (194) |
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Florida now has a fertilizer limit rule. Cows and horses vote to go on strike | (28) |
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Driver who unknowingly accumulated $179.50 in unpaid tolls over the last year gets a bill demanding $4,619 to pay them. Worse, if not paid in two weeks it goes to $15,739. It is great to see the mafia no longer operates in Illinois | (210) |
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You didn't really need that Nose Hair Trimmomatic 5000 afterall | (87) |
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Sign #483 that you're not welcome at the local bar: Bouncer shoots you in the groin | (41) |
| (Eyewitness News Memphis) | |
Police officer joins raid on lair of suspected car thieves, follows team into house, encounters pit bull, shoots self in foot. Pit bull didn't attack because it was laughing too hard | (63) |
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Colombia's laziness museum hopes people will bother to come | (42) |
| (Digital Spy) | |
Z-list celebrity helps charity, indirectly, by releasing an aftershave which becomes the most-donated unwanted gift to homeless shelters | (78) |
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Tricky matter of prison library censorship: "Prisoner of Azkaban" is ok, "Shawshank Redemption," not so much | (61) |
| (Kitsap Sun) | |
Family Feud redefined when mother and son bite, kick and punch father in argument over iPod and computer. Richard Dawson unavailable for comment | (48) |
| (Naples News) | |
Florida fake fish flap fuels flames of fury | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this tri-pronged light | (63) |
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Japanese company creates "family allowances" for pet-owning employees. Meanwhile, getting maternity leave in America can be like pulling a tooth | (97) |
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Lawmen reclaim stolen cargo truck of stolen rodeo bulls, but rustler remains on the lam. I could make this sound more redneck, but I'd have to staple an outhouse to the headline | (34) |
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Man sends riders over handlebars after digging nearly 50 holes on a park bike trail as payback. Police not amused | (136) |
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Irish police demand tasers to control disobedient citizens. Don't tase me, bragh | (45) |
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The Times explores why women are getting angry, noting that chicks don't like it when you call them "broads" | (138) |
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Makers of tainted food will pay $3.1 million. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, Yes. That one | (57) |
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"I have a dream job. . . working on a magazine whose primary focus is Carmen Electra’s breasts and beer," says editor of Maxim | (76) |
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Wisconsin man released after serving 18 months for having sex with a dead horse, now will return for another 9 months for having sex with a dead deer | (241) |
| (WSMV.com) | |
Human skull found in remote area of Stones River National Battlefield Park. If only one could think of a logical reason to find a skull on a battlefield | (45) |
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If you travel south of the border to hit the beaches, expect to be robbed. If you bring $7,000 worth of gear with you, expect to be labeled a dumbass | (145) |
Sat January 05, 2008
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Attendance doubles when SF zoo, site of tiger attack, re-opens. Reports of visitors taunting penguins with tuxedo jokes unsubstantiated | (49) |
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Firefighters upset with policy of waiting at fire scene for 4 hours to ensure fires don't rekindle. "In this type of weather, you look like a popsicle before you go back to your engine company" | (68) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this bridge to nowhere | (92) |
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A new more attractive and successful Pope to be elected | (118) |
| (KHOU) | |
Police await results of autopsy, spellcheck in shooting at Da Dub Spot | (40) |
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Fire chief snaps photos of topless crash victim, e-mails them to surrounding fire departments | (119) |
| (Some Naked Teacher) | |
Today's female teacher sending nude photos to a male student is brought to you by Moon Twp., Pennsylvania | (137) |
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Suspect dies after eating the crack hidden in his crack | (78) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman calls police to report a man in her yard with a rope, believes he was hunting deer. Police launch full scale search to find man that kills deer with a rope | (59) |
| (Prince George Citizen) | |
Stealing a car and driving it to Wal-Mart not the best move when you're on probation | (33) |
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Nigerian scammers move into cute-ass baby animal territory with their "free puppies" advertisements | (62) |
| (Anchorage Daily News) | |
Couple forced to watch home burn down because it was 180 feet beyond the fire service area. "When I saw the truck pull up and turn off its lights, it kind of hurt" | (341) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bill O'Reilly proves himself a civil observer at Clinton & Obama rallies. Just kidding, he got into a physical fight with a campaign trip director and the secret service | (378) |
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50 fragmentation bombs, several rockets, a rocket booster and a 37 mm cannon found buried at school in Fark's favorite state | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Grandmother and her son busted for bringing four kids to a drug deal that included swapping pot for guns and money, giving submitter a nice warm childhood memory | (27) |
| (Some Gal) | |
After brief stay in hospital, Britney Spears has been released into the wild again. Police and mental health professionals advising locals to lock their doors and not leave snack foods or alcohol in the open | (197) |
| (WSMV 4 News) | |
Today's "kids left in cold car while parent shops" brought to you by Millington, Tennessee. Cops: "he felt his children were safe because of surveillance cameras on the parking lot" | (51) |
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High school cancels classes after students make 4'-6' snowbanks at all doors and spray water into every door lock | (108) |
| (Some Guy) | |
When you combine laser tag, dinosaurs, blacklights, and a MiG-21, you get a room full of win (pic) | (70) |
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Bad news: British national health care is stretched to the breaking point by binge drinkers. Good news: when your hospital burns down they wheel you out to the local pub | (100) |
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In an attempt to community outreach amongst alien beings, Scientologists are relocating their Michigan headquarters to downtown Detroit. May Xenu have mercy on their body thetans | (66) |
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Levee breaks, residents of Fernley Nevada got no place to stay | (134) |
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School administrators, three different sheriff's departments, and child protective services investigate school teacher for patting student on the head | (229) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this family portrait | (109) |
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Boulder, Colorado city officials are hot and bothered after strip club owner beats their system and quietly sets up shop within city limits by not applying for a liquor license so they could deny him | (115) |
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Man loses job for not registering for the draft -- in 1984 | (235) |
| (Buffalo News) | |
Wegmans Markets, the #1 rated supermarket chain in the US, will stop selling tobacco products | (242) |
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Moose collisions killed five people in 2007. Mynd you, møøse cøllisions Kan be pretty nasti | (89) |
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News: Restaurant bans children under ten to make "better dining experience for adults." Fark: Restaurant located in Disney World | (174) |
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Why don't we drop medical waste and nuclear waste into active volcanoes? Good question | (173) |
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Virginia's speeding ticket tax didn't raise revenue and did raise highway deaths. Politicians debate whether that means the tax should be repealed or increased | (74) |
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This should end well: newspaper's "Tech Guy" advises that you can clean up your computer by deleting all .exe files. Guess where? | (290) |
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Pub chain limits parents to two measly drinks | (135) |
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"What's important is that when I'm 105 I don't want to be thinking: 'I wish I had moved to the other side of the world when I was 102.'" | (32) |
| (Some Frozen Guy) |  |
Furnace oil costs crippling Canada's east coast. Us folks west of youse ain't a-doin' so great neither. "One would think that heat in a winter country like Canada would be a right." Right? WRONG | (149) |
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Having exhausted their power of angry letters, the UN enlists Spider-Man to solve global conflicts, make people like them | (148) |
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"I've seen a horse fly. I've even seen a house fly. But I've never seen a cat fly." | (446) |
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Truckload of rodeo bulls stolen in downtown Nashville | (37) |
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Seniors protest funeral home being placed across from senior center, claim conveyor belt sidewalks a little too much | (49) |
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Attention jungle visitors: please do not taunt the giant monkey. Thank you. (with pics) | (97) |
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Today is World Hypnotism Day. When you awaken, you will be a duck | (68) |
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Photoshop this mysterious door | (74) |
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First Los Angeles death of '08 is a suspected burglar who came at the LAPD brandishing a cigarette lighter shaped like a gun. Kids, see what happens when you smoke? | (51) |
| (WLKY) | |
Atheist father sues ex-wife for sending son to Catholic school, wants to prevent child from picking up bad habits | (196) |
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Scotland starts hunt for zombies. This will all be over in 28 days (pic) | (61) |
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Man busted for making phony 911 calls "because he wanted to watch officers respond to emergencies" | (17) |
| (My Fox Orlando) | |
Cadillac Ranch: Cool in Amarillo. Airstream RV Ranch: FAILorida | (30) |
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"It has always been my dream to be a soldier and have a great figure. Now my fake boobs have cost me my job" | (53) |
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Woman steals wedding ring from dying sister's hand | (66) |
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Switzerland one ups the U.K. by installing speed cameras on ski slopes | (35) |
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Risk of developing cancer from toxic air has dropped by 17% in SoCal, so feel free to inhale toxic air in all its glory | (16) |
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Houston woman finds Christ-like image in potato | (102) |
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Japan has made the strawberry-chocolate hybrid fruit a reality. They must be stopped | (83) |
| (East Valley Tribune) | |
Ugly ass otter born at Phoenix zoo. Of course there is a pic | (48) |
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With the costs of today's Proms you have to take up stealing to pay for it | (32) |
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This week's best mug shots (includes guy actually flashing gang signs while posing for sheriff) courtesy of The Smoking Gun | (156) |
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British SAS and other commandos from secret operations win the right to stay anonymous, even after death. I could give you the link to this article, but then I would have to kill you | (51) |
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With the primary results in from Iowa, and with Clinton placing second to Obama, CNN conducts hard hitting analysis with articles entitled "If Clinton Wins, would Justice Clinton be far behind?" | (174) |
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Burglar caught after leaving trail of corn flakes from crime scene to her home. Naturally, she's been bran'ded a cereal offender | (30) |
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News: teen busted for street racing parents' new car @ 100 mph. Fark: against unmarked cop car used for hunting down aggressive drivers | (130) |
| (The Shreveport Times) | |
Real genius Val Kilmer and his top gun crew arrested for turning up the heat on a few mailboxes. With top secret mugshot goodness | (110) |
Fri January 04, 2008
| (Obsidian Wings) | |
Reservist blogger killed in Iraq wrote goodbye letter to be posted in the event of his death. It's actually funny and lighthearted until he starts saying goodbye to his wife and you start bawling | (439) |
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Italian wine growers up in arms over Paris Hilton's latest shill: "Rich Prosecco," a mix of wine and fruit juice. Because who wouldn't buy wine in a can from a gold-painted skank? | (53) |
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Al Qaeda recruiting more women as suicide bombers. It just takes a lot longer to coordinate the vest with the shoes and purse | (61) |
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After her home gets trashed from a New Year's Eve party, hostess sends a scathing email to all her guests and adds a PayPal link for donations to help pay for cleaning expenses | (175) |
| (Wait...what?) | |
Photoshop this creek-wading grad student determining the elevational effects upon spring snowpack melt-rate changes | (55) |
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Child molester dies in prison after choking on a hot dog | (112) |
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Supreme Court to hear case of the only two prisoners on Death Row for non-murder charges | (392) |
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Actual headline: "NASA hopes to launch space shuttle launch this month." This announcement sponsored by the Department of Redundancy Department | (56) |
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Scientists: World to cool slightly in 2008. ZOMG global cooling EVERYBODY PANIC | (380) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Citing consumer confusion in the high-def format war, Warner drops HD-DVD support. Or was it Blu-Ray? | (185) |
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New Jersey high school starts mandatory breathalyzer tests at social events. Donna Martin graduates | (74) |
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Federlowned | (447) |
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Democrtatic fundraiser Norman Hsu gets 3 years in prison. Which means he'll be out just in time for the next Presidential election cycle | (47) |
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British baffled by American culinary import known as the bread bowl. Bewildered commentators call it "the strangest culinary invention in years." | (194) |
| (swissinfo.org) | |
German chancellor proposes setting up camps for young criminals. You know who else... hell, that's just too easy | (80) |
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Two Dallas police officers may face charges for allegedly holding country singer Steve Holy and a friend at gunpoint during a foosball game. In other news, people still play foosball | (96) |
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Not news: Middle-aged woman arrested for assault on paramedics. News: She told them not to use their lights and sirens outside her house. Fark: She chased them down the street with a rolling pin. (With mugshot goodnes) | (57) |
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Chuck Norris to travel to New Hampshire with Huckabee. Will hit casino with only a joker, a "get out of jail free" Monopoly card, a two of clubs, seven of spades and a green No. 4 card from the game Uno | (201) |
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Man -- freed after 27 years of wrongful inprisonment -- was told by DA, "You are an example of how justice is supposed to work" | (127) |
| (Science Daily) | |
Spanish researchers find harmful pesticides in 100 percent of human test subjects. EVERYBODY HISPANIC | (54) |
| (Daily Kos) | |
Daily Kos figures out that the right-wing crazy is just like the left-wing crazy | (266) |
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Ric Romero Institute in Liverpool reports that helicopter parents may do more harm than good. Bonus: They list five subspecies | (42) |
| (Daily Camera) | |
After high-tech electronic voting machines fail to meet safegaurds, Colorado considers going super low-tech with an all mail-in ballot this November | (110) |
| (Some Climber) | |
"Our employees, agents, and guests... may be stupid, reckless, mentally ill, criminally insane, drunk, using illegal drugs and/or armed... we aren't necessarily going to do anything about it" Best. Disclaimer. Ever | (109) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Beverly Hills may get a giant penis statue | (126) |
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This damn baby won't stop crying. Hmmmm maybe if I burn its skin off with hot cooking oil and a hair dryer the baby will calm down | (412) |
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FDA considers approving cloned foods | (347) |
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FDA considers approving cloned foods | (127) |
| (Some Raven) | |
Baltimore Fark Party, January 18 at Maggie Moore's, followed by hanging out at Westminster Church Graveyard (2 blocks away) to wait for the Poe Toaster | (67) |
| (Daily Freeman) | |
Traffic court judge reduces speeding charge to lesser offense. Police sue judge to require him to find all accused speeders guilty as charged | (189) |
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Think the price of gas is bad? Soaring world methanol prices mean a jug of washer fluid will soon cost you $6 | (122) |
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What is this, beat and rob the disabled week? | (63) |
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Frozen manatees seek refuge in warm Florida power plant waste "sauna." Oh the huge manatee trifecta now in play | (85) |
| (WKRC) | |
The funniest news anchor dance party video you'll see today - don't miss. Yes this really aired | (291) |
| (Pocono Record) | |
Pantless man rescued from kitchen vent after New Year's Eve celebrating. Or "it seemed like a good idea at the time" | (33) |
| (NBC) | |
"American Gladiators" is back. All new series premiere Sunday on NBC (Sponsored Link) | (313) |
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Chicago tavern to start selling chicken wings coated in Red Savina peppers, one of the world's hottest. Patrons must sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries | (253) |
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Jan. 3, 8:31 p.m.: NY Times writer declares early caucus outcome projections "madness." Jan. 3rd, 8:41 p.m.: NY Times writer projects caucus outcome | (138) |
| (WCVB-TV) | |
"Hundreds of chickens and ducks need homes." I'm sure someone could find space for them in freezers, ovens, stomachs | (30) |
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Mom who lied for Hannah Montana tickets apologizes on "Today" for scam, drawn-on eyebrows | (291) |
| (Church of the SubGenius) | |
Religious cult announces the world will be invaded by aliens in July of 2008. Predators to follow, battle aliens in August | (159) |
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California braces itself for coming storm. In similar news, Fark admins brace themselves for thousands of hourly updates on Britney's condition | (131) |
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Canadian authorities remaining tight-lipped on the UFO that they shot down over Prince Edward Island the day after Christmas | (71) |
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Britain is turning into an alien nation -- Cornish UFO spotted again. Cornish pasties still occasionally tasty | (53) |
| (Oh The Huge...) | |
Florida is asking for students to help redesign the state's "Save the Manatee" decal. Show us your mad manatee photoshop skillz | (53) |
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Super-sized autopsy tables needed for the increase of fatass corpses | (249) |
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Man found guilty of being nude in his own home. Maybe we should all be very, very worried... or at least learn to stay away from windows | (142) |
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Couple of Morans acquitted of tax fraud after two trials, seven years and their entire life savings | (95) |
| (Schenectady Daily Gazette) | |
Newest reason not to serve in the military: You might lose custody of your kid to your ex | (205) |
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Man shows up for arraignment on DUI charges, blows .40 percent on breathalyzer in court and it's still morning | (117) |
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Clinton Portis says that the play of Washington Redskins teammate Santana Moss has really improved ever since Moss' penis surgery made him more aerodynamic | (71) |
| (KFOX El Paso) | |
Dear family, sorry we kicked down your door at 3:00 a.m. with guns drawn. Some drunk idiot gave us the wrong address. Sincerely, the El Paso Police Department | (492) |
| (KSAT.com) | |
After firemen complain about having to use the Crane of Life™, Oklahoma City mayor urges entire city to go on diet | (74) |
| (Some Curmudgeon) | |
James Randi to end million-dollar paranormal challenge in 2010. The fakers only have to stall for two more years | (250) |
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You wanna know how you do it? Here's how: She sells a numberplate, you burn some lingerie. She sends some of your stuff to the Goodwill, you send some of hers to the dump. That's the married way, and that's how you get divorced | (133) |
| (Tribune Review) | |
Not news: Wanted man hides from police. Fark: Inside hollowed-out sofa. What a couch potato |