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Sun December 23, 2007
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Motorist deliberately crashes van into Chicago's ABC7 State Street studio during live broadcast. Police cannot confirm that the driver was a Packers fan | (15) |
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Hospital has a little mix-up: brain tumor patient has knee operation, knee patient undergoes brain surgery | (26) |
| (Times of India) |  |
Man jailed for requesting national flag colored underwear. Wonder Woman unavailable for comment | (55) |
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"The better elephants got themselves a job as taxis. The intelligent elephants got themselves jobs as show elephants. The smarter ones became artists." | (32) |
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M-I-C (see, this is what you get)... K-E-Y (why, because I hate you) | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Bangkok Post reports election ends in a Thai | (34) |
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50 drunken santas go on rampage in cinema trashing the place and setting off fire alarm. Looks like someone just made the naughty list | (40) |
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Your wife's family are the ones who hold Christmas together, scientists find. Now go put that rigid grin on your face and be nice to them for the next three days | (57) |
| (WND) |  |
Somebody in Mexico really, REALLY hates country music | (138) |
| (KHOU) | |
Old and busted: prank calling pizza delivery to random house. New hotness: prank calling SWAT team to random house | (79) |
| (Some Costumed Guy) |  |
Photoshop this colorful cosplay player | (40) |
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American soldier adopts disabled Iraqi boy | (171) |
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57-year-old man loses his car in crowded mall parking lot. Security ensures he won't ever be allowed to have this problem again | (115) |
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Westminster City Council aims to ban soup kitchens. If only there was an amusing quote based on soup-denial with which to liven up the subsequent Fark headline | (46) |
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Merry Saturnalia Why Christmas has nothing to do with Christ. Bonus: it's an editorial in a Fox-owned paper | (98) |
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Why men are useless at buying Christmas gifts | (295) |
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Robbers hijack truckload of holiday gifts, return it, give driver $60 to get out of Brooklyn. What, he's too good for the subway? | (15) |
| (Phuket Gazette) | |
Which of these is not a good combination? A) peanut butter & chocolate B) chips & dip or C) alcohol and hand grenades? | (58) |
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Will Smith: "Hitler was a good person" | (466) |
| (George Constanza) |  |
Happy Festivus - time for the airing of grievances and the feats of strength | (125) |
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British vigilante anti-speed camera group plans to destroy all speed cameras in the UK during summer 2008, claiming they are just "money-making machines" | (131) |
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Actual headline - "Sharp decline in knife attacks" | (47) |
| (Florida Today) | |
It's that time again... This week's Melbourne, FL hooker round-up | (54) |
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If you ever wanted to see the Queen falling off a skateboard, the Duke of Edinburgh getting hit in the yambag by a polo-ball and Prince Charles shouting "LEAVE CAMILLA ALONE," you're in luck | (31) |
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Roadside mower hits 16 foot python in Vero Beach, Fla. Dinner is served | (31) |
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Deaf parents demand right to designer deaf children. WAIT, WHAT? WHAT? | (389) |
| (Some Guy) | |
All you'll ever need to know about Santa.. as explained by preschoolers | (42) |
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Today's 'Thousands of personal records go missing in the UK' story brought to you by the Department Of Health. Who'd have expected such incompetence from a department called 'DOH'? | (19) |
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Italian scientists link Christmas to pagan tradition. Pagans everywhere seen with smug "we told you so" smiles | (167) |
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Photoshop this sky-high monastery. Difficulty: No Starbucks | (76) |
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Baby Jebus statues being fitted with GPS devices to prevent them being stolen. "We may need to rely on technology to save our savior" | (49) |
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AJC looks into state employees use of state credit cards, wonders if the Georgia Bureau of Investigation really needed to attend DragonCon | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
For the second time in 13 years, an Indiana man has bought a new vehicle with his spare change | (79) |
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Miami Herald's 2007 news recap reminds us why we have a Florida tag | (21) |
| (Some Schmoker) | |
To dodge indoor smoking ban, Restaurant owner installs holes in wall for customers to stick their heads through and puff away. The Smoking Hole is there (pics) | (224) |
| (Some Bunn) | |
In a stinging one-uppance to Caturday, cloned rabbit glows green, will be able to reproduce in three months, demands immediate and unconditional Bunnday | (162) |
| (KPTV) | |
Butcher held at gunpoint by cop for incorrectly seasoning his jerky | (87) |
| (HeraldNet) |  |
When the guy ahead of you at the drive-thru pays for your coffee, it's a nice gesture. When the next 350 people repeat the gesture, it's a heartwarming Christmas story | (151) |
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"Officers returned to the cell a half hour later and the suspect told them: 'I think you've given me something you weren't supposed to'" | (71) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's naked crazy guy wielding an axe getting tasered by Moran brought to you by Wauzeka, Wis | (56) |
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Ugly-ass giant panda cub debuts in San Diego (pics) | (13) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop Challenge: "Warm up" this snowy barn photo | (55) |
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Unlikely: Fruitcake has been made tolerable. More unlikely still: By Trappist monks who took out the fruit and replaced it with a farkload of rum | (52) |
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Student who's tired of having his lunch money stolen baits a mousetrap with a $5 bill. Hilarity ensues | (114) |
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5 tons of marijuana seized in El Paso. In unrelated news, Frito Lay receives order for 10,000 bags of Doritos from El Paso police department | (63) |
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"Able-bodied charlatans pretending to be physically impaired have forced the premature end to an enormously popular taxi service staffed by hot women in maid outfits" | (38) |
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El Gordo, the world's largest lottery awards $3.2 billion in prizes. La Flaca unavailable for comment | (27) |
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More couples seeking "collaborative divorces." Work together to be apart | (73) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
♫ Away in a Ranger, no Harley to ride, the church held its service in the showroom so wide ♫ | (17) |
Sat December 22, 2007
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Meathead arrested for chucking prime rib at his aged and seasoned mother. Well done | (62) |
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Documents surface showing FBI director had plans to use the war as an excuse to suspend Habeas Corpus and imprison 12,000 Americans he considered "disloyal". FBI Director Hoover, that is | (102) |
| (New York Daily News) | |
Nothing says Christmas quite like Santa nailed to a cross (with pic) | (114) |
| (Some Guy in shades) | |
Coolest pic of Winter Solstice sun you will see this Winter Solstice | (121) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Humane Society of the United States looking for people who chased 200 goats off a cliff in Hawai'i. El Paso Police unavailable for comment | (81) |
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Mentally challenged boy gets the one thing he wants for christmas... a ride in a garbage truck | (90) |
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You're driving drunk and see a breath test ahead. Do you: c) run the officer down? | (53) |
| (insidebayarea.com) |  |
"Grasshopper," homeless taxi-driver-mayoral-candidate extraordinaire, misses court date for charges of naked guitar strumming on top of van because he was in jail for beating and imprisoning a previous passenger | (14) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Handy bacon flowchart | (173) |
| (insidebayarea.com) | |
DEA sends "threatening letters" to medical cannabis dispensaries in California, points out that owners can't rely on state law as valid defense against federal charges | (188) |
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Offbeat stories of the Year. Guess how many appeared on Fark | (32) |
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Miss France dethroned over sexy photos. (With WTF-is-that-over-her-left-shoulder pic, which is sadly safe for work) | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this determined fisherman | (63) |
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Old and Busted: Nigerian Princess needs your bank account info to give you a nice share of African gold. New Hotness: CIA Agent on failed mission needs $10,000 from you to hire a helicopter to escape. Wait, what? | (57) |
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God-fearing bishop adds "atheistic fundamentalism" to list of non-existent things to be scared of | (478) |
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CIA hid existence of torture tapes before destroying them. For those keeping track that's torture first, then lying about it, then destroying the evidence. No word on whether they stole an old lady's purse | (278) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teen boy suing school district because 25-year-old female teacher taught him sex ed. TTIUWOP | (85) |
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El Paso police shoot rampaging goat this Christmas weekend. Baaaaaaah humbug | (36) |
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Congress votes to not build the southern border fence that they didn't want to build anyway | (187) |
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TV station develops a "Viewer's Bill of Rights". We report, you decide | (41) |
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Judge rules lawyer-rating website protected by 1st Amendment | (31) |
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Actual headline: "Internet porn has tempted millions." Someone light up the Romero-signal, we've got a hot one here | (78) |
| (Pew Pew Pew Research) | |
Just 39% of Americans now say they enjoy eating "a great deal," which does not bode well for the big family dinner on Tuesday | (56) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Louisville judge rules citywide smoking ban unconstitutional. Suck it anti-smoking activists | (313) |
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FBI to collect biometric data on all British visitors to America, including shape of their earlobes, after deciding dental records were all but useless | (68) |
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New study names London as capital of the world. New Yorkers roll out their view of the world maps and go "London?" | (200) |
| (Some Guy) | |
U.S. lawmakers pass bill giving terrorists more time to relax in Grand Cayman, Cozumel and the scenic beaches of Nova Scotia | (32) |
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Sheriff condemns "loophole" in law that does not allow people to be charged with killing police during high speed chase if there was no high speed chase and the police were just acting Floridian | (171) |
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Cheap parlor tricks to amuse your friends and amaze your less-intelligent in-laws this Christmas | (50) |
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Massachusetts says it's still OK to shock special ed kids, but you need a better reason than "some guy called and asked me to" | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
1 to 1.4 mm thick, they use European pulp board for its density, absorption and firmness. A 10-centimetre circle or square with rounded corners is the standard size and shape. You can't live without them | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this case of puppy love | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Over half of Americans take a break from their frenzied holiday shopping to tell pollsters that they are bothered by the commercialization of Christmas | (50) |
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Britain suffers its first pirate attack since the 1820s - on the river Maaaarrrrsey in Liverpool. The Sun is thaaaaaaarrrrr | (53) |
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Why lottery tickets are probably not a good gift idea: $200G gift swap spat goes to court | (97) |
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Britain's premier historian says Prince Charles might be the British monarchy's best hope for survival. I say, old chap, you might be doing it wrong | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Apparently there are these things called "trains" run by a company called "Amtrak" which people can ride in and visit neat places. Who knew? | (184) |
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Historic map raises questions about the naming of Atlanta ... or is it Atalanta? | (139) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this forlorn train station | (50) |
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Just a reminder - Tomorrow is the Festivus for the Rest of Us | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Texas "pole tax" will add five bucks to a strip joint visit, with most of the proceeds going to help victims of rape. Wait, what? | (185) |
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Gizmodo takes on The Onion in celebrity deathmatch, with legal advice from Drew, an "amateur lawyer and fly fishing aficionado" | (23) |
| (WSB TV-2) | |
Woman takes up residence at Wal-Mart for 3 days until cops took her home. Woman's response to employees as to why she was there so long: "I'm shopping" | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
British and German troops climbed out of the trenches during Christmas in 1914 to sing carols, exchange gifts, play a game of soccer, swap dirty jokes | (103) |
| (Addison Independent) | |
Trucker the cat finds his humans three years after house destroyed by fire. I can has reunion? | (374) |
| (Not CNN) | |
Wildlife officials try to stick it to beaver; CNN gets hot, steps in. Story has happy finish | (26) |
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The new science of everything: Foobienomics | (25) |
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Lost chalk drawings of penguins by explorers Captain Scott and Sir Ernest Shackleton that no one knew were lost have been discovered in a basement at Cambridge University | (39) |
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Opened your Christmas present early? That's a stabbin' | (28) |
| (Daily News Tribune) | |
A woman was seen taking pictures of a school. Police admit "it may be noncriminal" but ask that people panic and turn her in anyway | (79) |
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Frosty the Snowman is a gay smoker and other ways to overanalyze and ruin your favorite Christmas specials | (88) |
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Elementary school principal caught with briefcase full of kiddie porn. Clearly, he's not your princiPAL | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in Chicago | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Investigation into Muslim students arrested for carrying explosives is jeopardized by video of deputies worrying they shouldn't be taping themselves calling suspects "Taliban" | (67) |
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What is your all-time favorite book? One that you could read over and over and still like? | (832) |
| (Channel 4 News) | |
New scientific theory suggests that time is slowing down, and may stop altogether, because -- oh, hell. Read it yourself and melt your own damn brain | (146) |
| (Berkshire Eagle) | |
Massachusetts used up its entire snow removal budget for this winter two days before this winter started | (67) |
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Headline: "Dalai Lama 'is not a call girl.'" Fact | (40) |
| (nymag.com) | |
Naomi Campbell interviews Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro. Throw in Charles Manson and John Bolton and this story will combine to form Crazy Person Voltron | (59) |
Fri December 21, 2007
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Denver mayor appoints marijuana council in response to citizen's desire to reform drug laws. First item on the agenda: road trip to Dunkin' Donuts | (72) |
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News: Woman drives at 10mph on a 70mph highway with a sign saying, "I do not drive fast, please overtake". Fark: Judge's final comment is, "We shall adjourn the case until January 4. I hope she doesn't drive here." | (98) |
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Stepping outside to take a phone call rather than yakking it up in the store...that's a tazing | (282) |
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Who should be Time's "Person of the Year"? Photoshop your nominee with their qualifying accomplishments | (116) |
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Russian boy who was raised by wolves is found, then escapes. Doggie door at hospital to be promptly removed (with scary picture goodness) | (102) |
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Da Guvernator has a great idea: Let's release 22,000 prison inmates early, just because we can | (160) |
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Weekly hot or not mug shots open for debate, courtesy of The Smoking Gun | (289) |
| (Some Guy) | |
One of these ad campaigns is sure to make Farkers amused, upset, or just say: "THIS again?" | (34) |
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Teens suspended for making a Facebook page for their teacher claming he was a pedophile are suing the school to get their suspensions overturned | (148) |
| (Some Guy) | |
86 year-old man gets thrown in jail for refusing to clean up his property. Guards at the prison he's kept at hear about it, and go and clean it up for him | (72) |
| (Live Free or Die) | |
State of NH passes law imposing $3-a-swipe fee for using credit and debit cards in courthouses, in spite of Visa and MasterCard surcharge ban. State motto reminder: Live Free or Die | (81) |
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Study reveals Burger King is high in trans-fats. Really? Burger King? But it seemed so healthy | (84) |
| (Times Herald Record) | |
As it turns out, playing with one's ding-a-ling for eight hours a day in front of the Wal-Mart might not be the right gig for a Level 2 sex offender | (54) |
| (propeller.com) | |
Man carves 6000 step stairway in mountain for his wife, warns her the stores are all closed | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Test your knowledge of sci-fi sounds | (220) |
| (Florida Today) | |
Welcome to today's Florida teacher is suspended article. Brought to you by Daisy BB Guns | (48) |
| (Some TFette) |  |
DC Fark Party for those who missed last week's, LGT location | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Guess where it is illegal to get a fish drunk, but it is leagal for a cop to bite a dog? Wrong, not yours Florida | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Actual headline - "Whatshisname identified on sixth DUI arrest" | (47) |
| (The Bayou Buzz) | |
Rent a riot: The people protesting New Orleans's plan to bulldoze public housing projects were hired to protest from outside New Orleans | (167) |
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Student catches principal fighting with student on cellphone camera, school responds by banning cellphones | (75) |
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A list of "24,500 teachers who have been punished for a wide array of offenses was made available to the public Friday by a Florida newspaper." Come see if your child's teacher is tomorrow's front page news | (40) |
| (KIRO 7 News) | |
Priest arrested for jogging naked, claims he "sweats profusely if he wears clothing" | (28) |
| (Lion In Oil) | |
PETA's holiday e-card wishes former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick a very un-merry Christmas. Way to stay classy, PETA | (223) |
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Why the tag was invented | (258) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A very Walken Christmas | (106) |
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Iraq named most dangerous location for journalists, beating Antarctica and Detroit by a slim margin | (37) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today is Bah Humbug Day | (77) |
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Photoshop this retro derby car | (72) |
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"It's pretty sad when you make $50K, and you still pay half of your take home income for a dinky one-bedroom apartment." | (681) |
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A North Carolina farmer who has long sold lambs and goats to Muslims for holiday sacrifices has been barred by the state from hosting the slaughters | (234) |
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One of the last known WW1 vets passes away at 109. Drove a car until he was 104 | (73) |
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Though it makes them feel blue, Japan to call off hunt for humpbacks. They felt they had the right and claim that this is a grey area. Greenpeace bow heads in thanks. Beluga | (84) |
| (Spiegel Online) | |
Twas the week before Christmas in the Swiss town of Birr, where a Bosnian woman caused quite a stir. Into gardens she'd creep, to find things to pinch - sounds suspiciously like our old friend the Grinch | (15) |
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Parents cite safety as the reason they buy their young children their own cell phones. Kids see other benefits: "ZOMG hai lets give Ralphie a swirlie aftr recess LOL" | (54) |
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Headmaster bars two kids from school Christmas party because "they don't believe in Jesus". Take that, War on Christmas | (258) |
| (KWGN-TV) | |
Keeping a Bengal tiger in your backyard? Here's a tip: Don't take it for a little drive around the neighborhood. People will get suspicious | (21) |
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What was ailing Tiny Tim? (Besides sappy dialogue) | (56) |
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Female couple and male accomplice bind and sexually assault 3 UNC football players after a drunken romp in downtown Chapel Hill. The goggles, they did nothing | (129) |
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Student asks for extra credit assignment, teacher follows the porno movie playbook. Jailarity ensues | (115) |
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Teen sneaks into an impound lot to take one last picture of his car. Owners catch him and dangle him upside down from the arms of a forklift. Guess who got arrested when police arrived? | (97) |
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Photoshop theme of the season: Worst. Presents. Ever | (128) |
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Australian Rules footballer hospitalized when he swallows a beer cap. I thought those guys were supposed to be hardcore | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Contraceptive maker seeks protection | (30) |
| (Cambridge Chronicle) | |
Footprints in snow lead police from Dunkin’ Donuts to robber. And probably back again | (39) |
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British doctors increasingly using more internet slang. LOL H4X | (59) |
| (Some Pedestrian) | |
From the phrases you never expected to hear department: assaulted school bus drivers trifecta in play. And Florida isn't involved at all | (19) |
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Theme: Unromantic weddings | (43) |
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One resident's solution to another theft of her baby Jesus statue: "I think I'll nail it down." | (94) |
Thu December 20, 2007
| (wrcbtv.com) | |
Paint sniffer in court for 126th time. No, not the one you're thinking of - this is the Southern Fried version | (107) |
| (N.Y. Times) | |
Wheelchair users end 10-day strike. In other news, wheelchair users have been on strike for 10 days | (45) |
| (The Times Union) | |
Federal judge dismisses industry challenge to New York State’s Airline Passenger Bill of Rights | (53) |
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Report finds TSA tops list of least-liked federal agencies. Agent that strip searched you and stole your bottle of vodak surprised by findings | (143) |
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Ten tips for approaching women - #1: don't discuss your level 9 wizard | (489) |
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Researchers discover that men are funnier than women. Still no cure for cancer | (195) |
| (EADT) | |
Ugly-ass Columbian black spider monkey born in British zoo. Heineken is the father | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this beach kid | (64) |
| (NY Times) | |
Giuliani headed home from St. Louis hospital despite blathering to nurses about being a lifelong Cardinals fan. 9/11 | (58) |
| (Some Hack) | |
Thieves steal 144 cartons of cigarettes from store. That's just gross | (73) |
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CNN would like to ask you if you're a 'cyberchondriac', a syndrome that makes web surfers think they have every disease they read about on WebMD. It's not news, it's CNN | (61) |
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Cops can now legally inflict permanant damage on you to draw blood if you are accused of DUI. Rodney King says "I've known this for 16 years" | (291) |
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