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Sun December 02, 2007
| (Some K-Mart Shopper) |  |
Blue light special: driver busted for using flashing blue lights and siren on Mustang to get through rush hour faster | (61) |
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Wedding ring saves a man's life | (108) |
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"Canoeist resurfaces five years on." Submitter, who can only manage to hold his breath for 2 minutes, is duly impressed | (50) |
| (Hojpodge) | |
Activision and Blizzard to merge their creative juices, come up with the name Activision Blizzard. Creativity has its limits | (176) |
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Newspaper sends reporter to remote Alaskan village as a lark. Reporter finds heartbreak, substance abuse, and people selling walrus weiners to survive | (175) |
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Critics raving about ketchup spattered paintings still don't know artist is a two-year-old | (188) |
| (Some Nappy-Headed Ho Ho Ho) | |
Where else do you see "South Park" and "The Flintstones" on the same list? Only on the 100 Greatest Christmas Shows of all time | (151) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
International student, fascinated with 4th of July fireworks stands, charged with "helping terrorists" after making his own bottle rockets | (107) |
| (adn.com) |  |
According to "Tank" Jones, Alaska's private eye specializing in infidelity, women cheat more than men but men come up with dumber excuses | (147) |
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Oldest cat in the UK is 26. Attributes long life to drinking and smoking every day | (119) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
12 ways to de-commercialize Christmas. Surprisingly staying home and making toys for your kids like the Amish is absent | (133) |
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Student suspended for compiling list of "fewer than five" other students he didn't like, even after school determined was not a threat | (125) |
| (Boobsoflife) |  |
Ten minutes of staring at boobs daily prolongs man's life by five years. Foobies is the fountain of youth | (171) |
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And the award for best airplane marketing idea ever goes to Spirit Airlines with their “MILF Sales” and "Red Light Specials" | (42) |
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Massive oil discovery off their coast could make world ethanol leader Brazil into one of the world's largest oil exporters | (179) |
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Save the boobies | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Hello police? You have to help me. My friend has fallen into the sea and AAAAHHHHHH" [splash] | (24) |
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Blizzards, ice storms rip through flyover states, causing tens of dollars in damage and disrupting the lives of individuals who have the misfortune of living in sod huts or doublewides or whatever the hell it is they have there | (143) |
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Losses by the #1 and #2 college football teams leave BCS championship picture muddled, will be determined by pollsters (who are leaning toward Ohio State vs. Georgia) and the BCS computers (who favor Sarah Connor vs. Terminator) | (490) |
| (Eyewitness News) | |
If showing up to work naked is wrong, this firefighter doesn't want to be right | (54) |
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An angry, shirtless Leslie Nielsen attacks a bear | (76) |
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The firefighter who found a noose and a nasty note in a Baltimore fire station, stirring up cries of racism? Yep, he did it himself | (164) |
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NZ thieves steal VC medals. Police say the POS that did it will be SOL when they get to PMITA prison | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you can take a month off work, have a few thousand dollars lying around and drink like a fish, you can go on the Around the World in 60 Pubs crawl | (33) |
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Fur industry points out that fake fur contains planet killing petrochemicals and therefore real fur is more eco-friendly, PETA says "let's not split hares" | (103) |
| (Some Tfette) |  |
Photoshop this happy family | (45) |
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Miss China becomes Miss World in pageant coincidentally held in her home country. Yes, there are pics | (159) |
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One word for how Walter Reed Hospital treats military psychiatric patients: insane | (84) |
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After announcing that condom machines would installed in high schools, government hosts a contest for students to design the dispenser. Who knew Brazil liked Photoshop contests? | (27) |
| (Some BunnGuy) | |
An "explosion" in the rabbit population of the remote sub-Antarctic Macquarie Island threatens to destroy the entire island ecosystem. But who cares, it's time for Bunnday | (163) |
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Body identified as secret porn star's. Easily verified by hundreds of Farkers | (161) |
| (Sun Journal.com) | |
"I could give a rat's ass about chupacabra, Loch Ness, all that. ... I care about Maine Bigfoot..." Wait, what? | (48) |
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Aunt stabs autistic nephew in the eyes. His grandmother doesn't call the authorities because she doesn't want her daughter to get in trouble | (96) |
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Moderate Muslims condemn sentence of British teacher. Wait, what? | (347) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Hoping to capitalize on their resounding victory in the "War on Drugs", the Feds are considering a ban on candy, soda, salty & fatty foods, and free will in school cafeterias and vending machines. Where's your Granola now? | (93) |
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Hitman: 'I only shoot people to kill them'. Well at least he's a man of principles | (70) |
| (Some Cricketeer) | |
Photoshop this street-cricket match | (41) |
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You can now lose your driver's license in the state of NC for an offense totally unrelated to driving if you provide alcohol to anyone under 21 thanks to MADD's ridiculous fascist grip on the nuts of the political machine | (224) |
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Landscapers extracting tree stump find 30 Navy bombs | (18) |
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Cat survives 19 days with a jar on its head. Slow news day | (48) |
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Father arrested for having keg party to celebrate son's 21st birthday. Charges include providing beer to minors, "hosting an open house party." | (40) |
| (Some Confused Guy) | |
Atheists add holiday tree to courthouse lawn. "The Tree of Knowledge" is decorated with book covers, including the Holy Bible and the Quran. WTF? | (159) |
| (University of Hawai'i at Manoa) | |
The University of Hawai'i offers a course in Homebrewing. Drew seen writing an admissions essay | (58) |
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Moral of the story: Don't accept rides from strangers. Especially if they're cops and you just robbed someone and ran out of gas trying to get away | (15) |
Sat December 01, 2007
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Multiple confessions made in Sean Taylor murder investigation. 17 year old allegedly the shooter | (141) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Senior citizens using the Wii to keep on living life, keep kids off their lawns | (94) |
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CEOs of Alltel, AT&T, Sprint, T-Mobile, and Verizon Wireless collectively crap their pants as Google makes their wireless venture official | (159) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this colorful Eupackardia | (88) |
| (McClains) | |
91% of Americans surveyed thought that they would have a better quality of life if they lived in Canada. Canadians happy to change places | (450) |
| (Stars and Stripes) | |
Twenty-eight generals, admirals ask Congress to repeal "Don't ask, don't tell" policy since 65,000 gays, lesbians on active duty, 1-million others are vets. “They have served our nation honorably.” | (649) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Parents of dead skydiver sue plane maker for "defective" plane. You know, instead of blaming their stupid son for trying to jump out of planes | (92) |
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Very, very lonely man owns every Super Soaker ever made | (102) |
| (Some Sconnie Guy) | |
Teacher arrested after posting online comment calling the Columbine shooters heroes | (237) |
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Documentary on penis length is a little too narrow | (330) |
| (NY Times) | |
Guano-loving New Yorkers converge on City Hall to protest proposed ban on feeding pigeons | (65) |
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How America lost the War on Drugs. Yay drugs | (535) |
| (Some Guy) | |
College student charged with assault after shoving a pie into the face of a mall Santa. Claims he only "lightly smooshed" the bearded guy dressed in red | (53) |
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"You can't imagine the relief we felt when we finally had the perfect recipe for fermented soybean-coffee jelly-fresh cream sandwiches" | (50) |
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Backpack accidentally dropped by a WWII soldier uncovered by shifting sand in the Sahara desert. In related news, Matthew McConaughey still searching for a gold laden ship in the same area | (63) |
| (Long Tail) | |
The editor of Wired Magazine wonders when the magazine industry will stop shamelessly lying | (46) |
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Porn sites using "free three day trial" offers to download malicious programs and take over people's computers unless they renew at an outrageous rate. If only there were some place to find safe, free...oh look, a new Foobies link | (162) |
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Judge rules sperm donor liable for child support. Judge also denies a DNA test because it would create trauma for the 18-year-old "child" | (199) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop a wildly inaccurate label or caption. LGT inspiration | (115) |
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Columnist claims book tours are passé. Farkers who purchased a recent tome beg to differ | (22) |
| (Chattanooga Times Free Press) | |
In order to reduce panhandling, city installs parking meter style "homeless meters"... which are then almost immediately stolen | (60) |
| (Some manners) | |
Do people secretly think you’re a pig? | (283) |
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Over forty percent of GenNexters think it's okay for other people to smoke pot. And these are the kids that will be financing your Social Security | (280) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
The woman who inspired a generation of U-Haul driving, coffeehouse-lurking lesbians has died | (69) |
| (Poughkeepsie Journal) | |
I know this much is true, former member of Spandau Ballet fights off rabid fox with a loaf of bread | (57) |
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Today's road closure is brought to you by 40 tonnes of canned beer. Volunteers rushing to assist | (26) |
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Miss World pageant expects two billion people to tune in for competition. Apparently, only America and parts of Europe have reliable access to Internet porn, thus explaining the appeal of the show to the rest of the world | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Federal drug charges dropped against aging hippie after judge finds he's just, like really bad at mowing his yard, man (with "Dude...wait, what?" picture) | (103) |
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First line: "It's like an online dating service for long lost gloves. No, that's not a typo" | (28) |
| (WLBZ2.com) | |
48 year-old man was kicked out of the homeless shelter he was staying in because he found a job. A job ringing a bell for the Salvation Army at $20 a day | (78) |
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YouTube suspends account of award winning Egyptian blogger who's been exposing police brutality & state torture. Suggested he use "activist friendly" site instead | (55) |
| (Mr. Darcy) | |
"Jane Austen must die," announces feminist author. As with many Womyn's Lit majors, Pride turns to Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility are lost, and there is little Persuasion in her arguments | (120) |
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NASA clears Atlantis for a Thursday launch, one month after the last space shuttle flight, flurry of "set to asplode" Fark submissions | (45) |
| (savannahnow.com) | |
When returning a printer, make sure you don't leave fake money inside it. Bonus: cops found original bill that matched copied bill in printer | (41) |
| (World's Greatest Newspaper) | |
Nanny state finds it "difficult to assess whether you are over the limit." Solves problem with proposal to lower DUI standard to 0.00 | (115) |
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Parents to library: Censor this gay-themed book. Library to parents: It's your job to control what your kids read, not what everybody else's kids read | (317) |
| (Hot Air) | |
Erin Burnett beholds the power of Fark | (95) |
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Bionic cat has used two of her nine lives falling off a three-story building. And in time for Caturday: a "C my bionik legz" pic | (353) |
| (HeraldNet) | |
If you hide in a dumpster from the cops, be sure you know the trash pickup times | (20) |
| (Some squirrel) | |
Photoshop this high five twosome | (40) |
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Christmas comes early for some in Britain as the postal elves deliver tatty envelopes containing graphic post-mortem reports on how their loved ones died in the 7/7 bombings | (27) |
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Ohio epidemic: kid drivers. 8-year-old who got caught: "I didn't know you all arrested kids" | (32) |
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Soldiers escorting the body of a fallen colleague forced by TSA screeners to publicly strip down to their t-shirts and socks. Mission accomplished | (358) |
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Spokane school prints its own calendar. December… anything happening? Hanukkah, Human Rights Day, Eid al-Adha, Kwanzaa. Nothing else? No, especially not on the 25th | (125) |
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The rudest road signs in Britain, including Twatt, Little Cocklick, Cum Cum Hill and Shiatterton (photo gallery) | (68) |
| (wsbtv.com) | |
Not news: Customer gets letter from bank asking to correct negative balance. News: balance owed is $211 trillion. Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Warren Buffet combined unable to assist | (44) |
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At last, a guide to how many times to kiss your French male cousin: two, three or four: it depends on where he's from. But to start with the right or left cheek? Oh, and your German second cousin once removed--handshake only, dude | (28) |
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Police complain that new Hershey's chocolates are packaged to look like street drugs (pic) | (139) |
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Sheep figures out how to unlock her pen with her tongue, goes on the lamb every night (pic) | (55) |
| (whdh news) | |
Dog leads couple to heart attack victim. Lucky for him, the couple was a state trooper who began CPR, and a defibrillator salesperson, who had a spare model in her car. Webster updates definition of "Lucky SOB" | (82) |
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English police given guide on how to spot a drunk. Step 1. Open your eyes | (44) |
| (9 News Denver) | |
If you're the parent of a Denver Blizzard Baby, good luck getting somebody to watch your kid so you can attend the next Denver Fark party | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not News: Mans SUV stolen. Still not news: SUV abandoned as part of insurance fraud. Fark: Abandoned with mapquest directions back home still in it | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
City officials in Columbus, OH to use 1,080 gallons of beet juice to de-ice the roads. After saying the name three times, the ice disappears | (94) |
Fri November 30, 2007
| (Some Shutterbug) | |
Photoshop this hystered photography session | (36) |
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A teenager's school science project has exposed multiple antibiotic-resistant bugs in fresh chicken sold in supermarkets. If only there was some sort of heat treatment you could use to kill the bugs | (93) |
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Canadians to suffer one of the coldest winters in over a decade. Take that Global Warming | (259) |
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Lead found in Chinese-made "CSI Fingerprint Examination Kit." Just kidding. It was asbestos | (85) |
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Seattle Farkers - Bid for a dinner with Wil. Proceeds benefit Child's Play Charity | (77) |
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King of Thailand starts wearing pastel sport coats, now everyone in the country looks like Don Johnson | (55) |
| (Journalism Jobs) | |
CBS seeking an environmental reporter. Knowledge of the environment beyond "when it's cold my nipples lead to higher ratings" not necessary | (59) |
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Willie Nelson risks jail to promote marijuana | (154) |
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Reporter gets himself circumcised to promote AIDS awareness. Top that, Romero | (268) |
| (Some Bloke) | |
♫ I come from a land down under, where women go on big benders ♫ Cant you hear, can't you hear her chunder? You better run, you better take cover. ♫ | (110) |
| (The Day) | |
Neurosurgeons at Rhode Island Hospital operate on wrong side of patients' head -- three times. C'mon, this ain't brain surg... oh, wait | (88) |
| (WLWT) | |
Not news: Couple lose license to house foster kids. News: Lost state license because of their religious values. Fark.com: Religious values include rattlesnake handling | (66) |
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Pat Robertson University law student suspended after posting online a pic of Pat flipping the bird. The student is now suing for "tens of thousands of dolars" that he had previously spent for tuition | (91) |
| (Philly NBC) | |
Pennsylvania woman wins lawsuit with Kmart over toilet paper tax. "Give me liberty, or give me..." | (56) |
| (Appleton Post Crescent) | |
Cheddar off dead. Wisconsin man kills cousin over cheese sandwich | (90) |
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"Sheriff, do you think roadblocks violate the Fourth Amendment?" "I do, unless the state offers to pay the overtime for my officers" | (170) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
Texas high school that prevented student article on widespread drug use from being published will now allow it to run. Local newspaper shows students how real journalism is done | (94) |
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Evel Knievel has died of natural causes... who would have seen that coming 40 years ago? | (429) |
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Reporter asks, "Is a violent reputation hurting New Orleans?" Does a gay bear have inappropriate sex in the woods? | (152) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Attention all 2007 Father of the Year candidates: Stay on your toes this holiday season, as there is fierce competition entering late in the game | (62) |
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If you're going to write racist anti-religious graffiti on a church, you should at least know how to spell "Saitan" | (123) |
| (Traffic Safety Man) | |
Improve this "Beep Beep Day" safety poster | (53) |
| (Austin Chronicle) | |
Industrial hemp farmers tell DEA to butt out | (158) |
| (Some Dirty Bomber) | |
Why does Amazon hate America? | (127) |
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Honors student attending college prep classes arrested for throwing a crayon during class | (106) |
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Insane people are finding it harder to buy guns. What's the point of keeping your urine in a jar if you can't protect it? | (143) |
| (Greenpeace NZ) | |
Hippies against globalization ask for internet votes to decide the name of a whale they're going to tag. Help name him "Mr Splashy Pants" to spare it from the all the other possibilities | (183) |
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Your annual "Don't buy giftcards" article. Cash spends better, anyway | (100) |
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"Roger & Me" is now down to "Me" | (186) |
| (nbc5) | |
Amtrak train attempts to play leap frog with freight train | (58) |
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Today's "teacher has sex with underage boy" report brought to you from Lake Mary, Florida (with scary eyes mug pic) | (139) |
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Man holding hostages at Hillary Clinton campaign offices in New Hampshire | (798) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
Birdwatcher who killed cat flees Texas after being shot at. Let that serve as a warning, Farkers: Texans will shoot you for killing kittens | (129) |
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"Unbeknownst to the pair, two patrol officers happened to be cruising by and grew suspicious when they saw the boy fixing his pants and the father pouring the urine out of the coffee cup" | (86) |
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66-year-old woman stabs neighbor after she changed TV channel to a religious program. "I don't know what they were originally watching," police say. "But it must have been something really good." | (113) |
| (Times-Leader) | |
Four-year old finds loaded handgun during family move, promptly shoots his younger brother in the thigh. Tag, you're it | (187) |
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Santa Claus is fat and thus a bad role model according to the US Surgeon General, who now happens to be on the naughty list | (118) |
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Mass. town to sell advertising on police cars. This speedtrap brought to you by McDonalds, the Rand Corporation, and the letter "F" | (69) |
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Members of the Religion of Peace™ say 15-day sentence given to teacher who let her students name teddy bear 'Mohammed' is tough, but fair. Ah, just kidding - they're marching through Khartoum demanding she be executed | (974) |
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Corn-based ethanol falling out of favor as Americans realize how idiotic it is to burn food for fuel and subsidize farmers to grow it as well | (237) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you're going to steal Christmas trees and decorations from a local store then proudly display them on your house two blocks away, at least take off the store tags first, dumbass | (19) |
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There are good weddings, there are bad weddings, and then there are weddings that end up in troops leading an armed siege into the hotel lobby with armored personnel carriers | (28) |
| (Some Envious Guy) | |
Today's hot teacher-on-student action brought to you by Pittsville, MD. With awesome "zoom in on the scary chick" excitement | (262) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this inflatable can of whoop-ass | (58) |
| (WBOC) | |
If you're a teacher claiming that you found a bomb threat at your school, be sure the surveillance cameras don't pick you up planting it yourself | (77) |
| (Jerusalem Post) | |
Doctor dismayed to discover that having sex with his mentally fragile patients and prescribing marijuana to kids is not considered acceptable medical practice. Who knew? | (64) |
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Newspaper reporter enters sleeping man's room, commits lewd act, punches guy in face, cited for trespassing, says entire episode is a learning experience | (59) |
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Guy sentenced to two months after punching 8-year old in face for disobeying his "no trick-or-treat" sign on Halloween | (173) |
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As a general rule, it's a bad idea to open email that shows boobies on your screen. This is especially true when you are a high-profile public employee | (49) |
| (WTOL Toledo) | |
Toledo investigative news team springs into action to look into the latest internet phenomena: Free Breast Implants | (47) |
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FARC shows video of hostages, seeks $5 per month ransom payments | (58) |
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Community watchdogs protest Victoria's Secret window displays. Suprisingly, there are no Christmas trees involved | (138) |
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Italian police burst into the room of a suspected Mafia mobster in Sicily and arrested him as he watched a television show about the arrest of a Mafia boss. Infinite Improbability Drive disengaged. Returning to normality in 3... 2... 1 | (93) |
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Crude oil prices fall $5 in 24 hours... ♪ Gray skies are gonna clear up ♫ Put on a happy face ♪ | (132) |
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New York town police chief just says No to DARE | (164) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this high-flying bicyclist | (68) |
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In one of the more unique defenses of police techniques, officer explains that demons in plumbing instructed him to keep flushing toilet in front of restrained DUI suspect until he peed himself | (90) |
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Indianapolis teen pulls off string of armed robberies, That's bad. But he times them so he didn't miss his curfew or church on Sundays with his mom. That deserves the tag | (42) |
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Ambulance driver crashes when log thrown through driver's side window hits him in the face. Fortunately, an ambulance was nearby which is better than bad, it's good | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Alaska Airlines to make heterosexuals pay 10 percent more for their tickets this holiday season, unless they use a gay website to book their flights | (287) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Cutter teenage girl finds another use for her razor blade after classmate calls her "emo" on school bus | (175) |
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Man tries to commit suicide with sword, fails. Bonus: Police find battle ax, more swords, and a spear | (70) |
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Lawmaker has her BAC test thrown out because she was not properly warned of the implications of consenting to the test during her DUI bust | (79) |
| (Press-Republican) | |
If you're a middle-aged fat guy looking to pick up college chicks, this local paper has a step-by-step guide... if you don't mind the ensuing jailarity. (with mugshot goodness) | (99) |
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Losing your virginity later in life could lead to sexual dysfunction, Fark.com | (623) |
| (Inside Bay Area) | |
Former San Francisco mayoral candidate arrested for playing guitar naked on van. "This is our fist contact with him and what contact it is" Deputy Chief District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said | (30) |
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Most popular hotel owner threatens to sue weatherman... for being wrong | (46) |
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White Irish guy charged with racial harassment after calling white Welsh lady "English" | (159) |
| (WJLA) | |
Newspaper editor offering free coffin to first drunk to kill him or herself via DUI this |