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Sun November 18, 2007
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Today's death by Taser comes to you from Frederick, Maryland | (80) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Don't like lousy American beer? It's part of our history | (53) |
| (Some Picker) |  |
Photoshop this banjo-playing beauty | (43) |
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Death toll in Bangladesh cyclone may top 15,000. But enough about that. When's this TV writers' strike going to end? | (48) |
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Journalist appalled England is ranked the #1 food wasters, how do you expect them to eat ANYTHING with those teeth? | (29) |
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When Spanish king Juan Carlos turned to Hugo Chavez and said "Why don't you shut up?", little did he know he started a capitalist goldmine featuring ringtones, mugs, T-shirts and websites | (68) |
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Several residents upset to find out that The Dave Matthews Band now travels by charter jet | (70) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Dairy gets busted by food inspectors for not saying there is egg in their egg nog despite the label reading "egg nog" | (107) |
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Australian men's groups call for mandatory newborn paternity tests, following news that up to 25% of Sheila's have someone else's shrimps in their Barbie | (245) |
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Latest update from the Department of the Obvious: Detroit declared most dangerous US city | (151) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
County considers installing talking motion-sensing cameras at public beaches, warning people not to have sex | (67) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Original "Sesame Street" DVDs "intended for grown-ups". Executive Producer says, "“We might not be able to create a character like Oscar now." | (237) |
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Dixie Beer attempting to return to New Orleans. "Isn't that the beer that made all those hillbillies go blind?" | (45) |
| (Naples News) |  |
Actual headline: Canine asks psychic for a large bird at Collier pet festival. Your dog wants turkey | (16) |
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Single malt from Islay named Best Whisky In The World. Submitter will raise a glass of it as soon as he can find some Mountain Dew for mix | (245) |
| (Oshkosh Northwestern) | |
Do the math - what your taxes really get you (Libertarains free to descend into denial, clap hands over ears, and go "la, la, la, la, la") | (505) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Cold weather is ruining the lives of many golfers as it affects the color of course grass. How can they possibly survive this tragedy? | (55) |
| (Brave New Films) | |
Bed bugs found in Fox News Channel newsroom. Fox blames an employee who then promptly proclaims it wasn't him and blames Fark | (61) |
| (slashfilm) | |
Someone thought it would be a good idea to model their home theatre after the Enterprise NCC-1701D. Still can't bring a woman over to see it | (95) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this jungle plant | (49) |
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Family of Tawana Brawley, whose charges that she had been raped by six white cops were found to be a hoax by a grand jury and led to defamation judgments against Al Sharpton and her other "advisers", wants the case reopened | (195) |
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NJ Gov. Corzine: No, NJ you can't have the Friday after Thanksgiving off. Not yours | (157) |
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Son of Brooklyn Brewery founder dead after falling between levels of Manhattan Bridge. Pour some out for a fallen brother | (37) |
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12 year-old boy sues to retake test because "Several test takers that were sitting near me spoke loudly, laughed, giggled and sang" | (112) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
"Is 'Fred Claus' Hollywood's secret weapon in its War on Christmas?" | (71) |
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Not news: Police trying to deter shoplifters. News: By placing cardboard cut-outs of a policewoman in shop windows. Fark: During the trial scheme, one of the cut-outs was stolen | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Seattle school officials are telling teachers that Thanksgiving actually is a time of "mourning" since it represents "500 years of betrayal." This, grunge, and Starbucks. What's in the air there? | (266) |
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If you are an insane helicopter parent who feels that snowflake should never be subjected to vaccines be prepared to spend 10-13 years in jail | (425) |
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The FBI two years ago abandoned comparative bullet-lead analysis, but has yet to notify courts or convicted defendants of the faulty test. Gil Grissom is not pleased | (37) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Colorado city seeks to ruin Christmas and take away Fark admins' toys | (136) |
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Man in car accident attempts self-defense with pocketknife, loses pinkie, gets rushed to hospital but emergency room loses his pinkie. Still gets hospital bill for $3000 | (48) |
| (Some Dumb Hunter) |  |
Hunter discovers that game wardens don't like it when you point your high-powered hunting rifle at them. In fact, it's a felony | (69) |
| (Frederick News Post) | |
Officer warns student he'll use a Taser. 18-year-old says "Do it," proving that he was likely not in the running for school valedictorian | (223) |
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The Boston Globe discusses new ways that providers integrate ads into media. That's the Boston Globe, a leader in investigative journalism, buy a copy today | (28) |
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For those of you keeping score at home, the professional opinion of state wildlife officials is that the animal terrorizing Florida is not an orangutan, it's just a squirrel. A two-foot tall, bright orange squirrel | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man standing in line gets $35 snatched out of his hand, gives chase in his car, then gets out of his car to finish the chase on foot. Two other men see that he left his keys in the ignition, promptly steal his car | (42) |
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If you work for Boeing, expect for them to tail you and read your personal email accounts | (129) |
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Old and busted: priests molesting young boys. New holiness: dude naked except for nun's hat chasing after young girls | (40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this little squirt | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this pre-Power Point presentation to the president | (49) |
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Cheerleaders fight for the right to show off their booties | (131) |
| (lcsun-news) | |
Today's death by trash compactor brought to you by Las Cruces, NM | (51) |
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Theme: Pet dreams | (91) |
| (Some Guy) | |
OMG, Check out this milf. Totally hot. Oh yeah, busted for letting pit bulls, pot bellied pigs, and her poor kids use the place as a toilet. She's totally hot though. Mother of the year indeed | (305) |
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"The chief is gesticulating wildly and I see spit flying out of his mouth. 'Oh, he's just saying he's made you his wife.' I'm still trying to come to terms with accidentally eating monkey last night" | (33) |
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Burglar shoots self in the arm, achieves lifelong dream of becoming a Fark headline | (14) |
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Today's first grader suspended from school for drawing one stick figure pointing a gun at another stick figure is brought to you by Oregon | (114) |
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Strong and specific cyclone kills 1,784 in Bangladesh. No more. No less. Just 1,784 in Bangladesh | (44) |
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Religious leaders and politicians join forces to fight the greatest evil facing our world: lesbians who want children | (197) |
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Talk about bad luck: Man gets shot in the face by "strangers." Drives himself to the hospital but crashes into the emergency room. Gets arrested for possesion of marijuana | (24) |
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Traditional English rural villages under siege by joyriding teenagers, drugs, unemployment, and professional idiots | (33) |
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Today's senseless wounded child incident involves alcohol, chickens, and trailers | (32) |
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Cat hitchikes from New Jersey to Georgia. I CAN HAZ THUMS? | (170) |
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NYC firefighters planning to swift-boat Rudy. 9/11 | (229) |
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Brits debate tough question of whether it should be legal for a man to ride his bike | (45) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption this guy and his favorite animal | (98) |
Sat November 17, 2007
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Publisher removes fire breathing dragon from book because it may violate government health and safety regulations | (82) |
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White male doctors complain they're being discriminated against in Britain. Because no one is more oppressed than white male doctors | (326) |
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Bars, nightclubs linked to more drinking. In other news, oxygen linked to breathing | (68) |
| (PennLive) | |
Homeland Security fighting to have US citizen deported. His crime? He married after coming to the US almost 30 years ago. And don't even think about that whole "deported to where?" question, terrorist | (156) |
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Not new: Doomsday cult buries self in cave. Still not news: think world is going to end. Farked up: Will blow selves up if cops try to stop them | (90) |
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Nine-year-old girl starts a blog to chronicle her fight against cancer. So naturally, people start flaming it and threatening to kill her on it (pic) | (256) |
| (whdh news) | |
Boston University professor allows students to drink beer in class. What could possibly go wrong? | (77) |
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Newark airport evacuated due to strange odor totally different from the strange odor normally present in Newark | (36) |
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The quickest way to get a sex club shut down is to take your 14-year-old stepdaughter and 20 other guys into the orgy room | (164) |
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Certain sections of New Orleans are not adequately protected from possible future flooding due to a miscalculation by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers | (88) |
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Ten Black Friday scams retailers don't want you to know | (258) |
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Bolivian residents getting really great deals on Katrina-soaked cars | (37) |
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Convicted killer, who was sentenced to be executed, has dropped all appeals and wants to die. As is tradition with the court system, his request was refused | (53) |
| (WCHS-TV8) | |
Just...Yeeeeeeecchhhh | (159) |
| (Blog Maverick) | |
Mark Cuban tests Bill O'Reilly's principles by running commercials for Redacted during his program | (137) |
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Retailer considers adding J-cup bra to keep up with the ever-expanding bustlines of its customers | (191) |
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Belgian researchers say tests using robotic roaches show that complex patterns can arise from simple behavior. The next study will use a robot chicken. Seriously | (60) |
| (Daily Bulletin) | |
Ringleader screws up plea deals on bank robbery charge for his whole crew after courtroom outburst, cunning planning strikes again | (24) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Specs for Nazi Überschwerer Kampfschreitpanzer: (Superheavy Armored Walking Tank) | (161) |
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Climate change is "severe and so sweeping that only urgent, global action" can head it off | (432) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Sometimes a funny headline wouldn't do the submission justice - From the WTF department | (163) |
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US Customs & Immigration stop Canadian ambulance rushing a heart attack victim to Detroit, makes crew get out, questions patient, who had already been defibrilated twice on the trip | (175) |
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"So it started when I drove into the bank parking lot but I guess I did it kind of wrong because this guy comes at me with a wrench..." | (55) |
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A New Jersey SWAT team learns the hard way that you shouldn't let a Hooters waitress hold your weapon | (175) |
| (This is Cheshire) | |
You see a man collapse behind the wheel in front of a hospital. What do you do? If you're a meter maid, you write a ticket | (74) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Just in time for Thanksgiving: "Mental Floss's Manly Turkey Recipes," featuring the Turducken and the Bacon-Wrapped Turkey, Mmm... bacon | (93) |
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Hide your Lite-Brites, kids, Boston police are going door to door intimidating parents into permitting warrantless searches of children's rooms for evidence of crimes | (275) |
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Ninth Circuit rules that targets of warrantless wiretapping can't sue because it's a secret. Shhh... don't tell anyone | (113) |
| (Ocala) | |
If you're a toothless, ATV riding white guy in a sleeveless flannel shirt and dirty jeans; the Sheriff would like you to return to two practice bombs you stole from the bombing range | (36) |
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Latest electronic device that has sold out of stores due to high demand and consumer frenzy is the new... Zune? | (167) |
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Actual headline: "Bangladesh military hunts for survivors" Um... shouldn't they be "searching" for them? | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these ribbon-cutting executives | (78) |
| (MyFOX N.E. Wisconsin) | |
Elementary teacher suspended for using alleged racist rhyme: "Eeny, meeny, miney, mo" | (436) |
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A majority of Americans view Muslims and Mormons positively. Well, a bare majority. Like just a hair over half | (126) |
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Car rally brought to standstill... by 160 squealing pigs | (20) |
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It takes a lot to surprise 90-year-old Hollywood veteran Kirk Douglas. John Travolta and The Sun are there | (57) |
| (Cedar Rapids Gazette) |  |
Cat alerts couple to carbon-monoxide poisoning in home. I can has lifesaving medal? | (401) |
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Brilliant escape is executed when an inmate goes to the dentist, and doesn't return | (22) |
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Pilot suspended after landing his helicopter to gather wild mushrooms for his mother. Apparently LSD was no longer available in the retirement village | (26) |
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Two killed in Iowa balloon crash. Nena 97 shy of being impressed | (27) |
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Actual headline: Caucasian man mistaken for African-American suspect (w/photos of both men) | (95) |
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Chinese entrepreneurs pan for ass gold | (32) |
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Not News: Legislator holds hearing to dispute science of global warming. News: No scientists invited. Fark: When asked why, replies, "Well, I mean, where are we going to get scientists? We're limited here in KY to what we can do" | (170) |
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Rupert Murdoch to make content on Wall Street Journal free to all visitors. Because really, what kind of loser would pay real money to access part of website? That's just stupid | (55) |
| (Some Guy) | |
From the poorly-named car category: the Ecooter. But, hey, it only needs a PAP Smear every 50,000 miles | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Even though body heat is the best heat, it looks like strippers in Alaska will have to stay four feet from their customers this winter | (35) |
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A bus in Montana ran into a deer yesterday, injuring half the population of Montana, and killing one deer. It's OK, there are lots of deer in Montana | (24) |
| (Some Croc) | |
Photoshop this human-animal encounter | (83) |
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In the most significant find in generations, hobbyist discovers new photos of Abraham Lincoln. At Gettysburg. In 3-D (with pics) | (136) |
| (U.S. Patent Office) | |
Did you know that the comb-over has been patented in the U.S. since 1974? | (45) |
| (Cambridge Chronicle) | |
Police investigate a report that a thief broke into a man's apartment and ate his leftover Shepherd's Pie, leaving the dirty Pyrex pan in the sink. The local newspaper reports on this developing story | (53) |
Fri November 16, 2007
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Man checks his phone signal on the train tracks. He can't hear you now | (133) |
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Poor Prince William is starting to look a lot like his father | (113) |
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Thirty-six million drivers think nobody knows how to drive except them | (285) |
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Female TV news anchor doesn't only read the news, she makes it. Bonus: lazy eye DWI mugshot goodness | (128) |
| (WEWS 5) | |
Toddler diagnosed with bizarre disease rendering him allergic to beef, turkey, chicken, pork, lamb, dairy, eggs. That only leaves beer | (106) |
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New Zealand won't allow people to immigrate there if they're fat | (122) |
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From the Ric Romero Institute, Pittsburgh office : Homeless people get arrested on purpose to get free food and somewhere to sleep. Remember this the next time all the hotels in town are booked | (52) |
| (OC Register) | |
Another example of schools going down the drain. Without bands how will they get the smart ones to stay? | (73) |
| (Some Guy) | |
More cities using GPS to keep employees from using cars for personal trips; insist it's to help maintain the cars better, not spy on people. Bonus: Town in story saved 14,000 gallons of gas in three months | (59) |
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Viewers accuse NBC Nightly News of electronically broadcasting rain background while on location in Cleveland, because Brian Williams stayed dry | (60) |
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Why the "obvious" tag exists | (161) |
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Japan to resume Humpback whale hunting. In other news, astronomers spot giant cylinder heading for earth | (118) |
| (Mannequin) | |
Photoshop these perfect little snowflakes | (68) |
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Precious little snowflake suspended after dyeing her hair pink because the school conduct code says that hair color must be "natural" | (213) |
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Finally, a competition that Farkers should win easily, "The World's Biggest Liar." Subby would enter, but has a dinner date with Jessica Alba next week, and is on his way to the gym in 26 minutes | (171) |
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Whale found beached in the Amazon 1000 miles away from the Ocean. Scientists suspect the whale became disoriented and got lost, still no explanation for the bowl of petunias | (72) |
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Stay off of his lawn too | (664) |
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Not getting the memo that last week's prayer vigil was a success, the Federal Government approves drought relief for the Southeastern U.S | (38) |
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New math textbook in Texas elementary schools has 109,263 errors, still gets approval from state board | (155) |
| (Some Guy) | |
First they guilted them into not buying blood diamonds if they really cared about Africa, now celebrities are being asked not to snort cocaine. What's the point of being famous these days? | (57) |
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I can has mistrial? | (164) |
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Group of atheists demand families of slain troopers stop honoring them with crosses, everyone conform to their world view | (893) |
| (US News) | |
Five myths about $3 gas | (326) |
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Congratulations New Hampshire -- you're America's most drinkingest state. Live drunk or die | (133) |
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Rastafarian caught with 20 pounds of pot argues it is his "God-given right" to smoke, possess and sell marijuana. Turns out judges don't agree with that point of view, Ja | (116) |
| (Voiz Iz Neias) | |
If you see a man wearing phylacteries on your train do you A) Take pride in America's multiculturalism B) Point and laugh at the silly jew, or C) Stop the train and call the police because there is a suspicious person with a box on his head? | (311) |
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China bans firemen from using their hoses in exchange for using their hoses | (28) |
| (Jacksonville.com) | |
Women smells something strange in her new $350,000 home, decides to light gas fireplace to get rid of the smell. Hilarity ensues | (112) |
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Officials dip fence posts in the hottest chili peppers known to man to deter drunk elephants after Paris Hilton gives up her efforts. Buffalo residents once again chuckle and order another round of suicide wings | (59) |
| (macon.com) | |
Redneck goldmine: former pro wrestler promises to convert homeless women into wrestlers, then pimps them out in Latino nightclubs and trailer parks | (41) |
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"The truth is that newspaper employees hate local TV news for its cheesiness almost as much as media activists hate large media corporations for their larginess" | (21) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You're a judge who punishes drunk drivers. Do you a) abstain from liquor to set an example, b) drink occasionally to promote moderation, or c) get shiatfaced & pass out at the wheel? Bonus quote: "I'm a judge, bro" | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The first rule of Mile High Club is that you don't talk about Mile High Club. The second rule of Mile High Club is that you don't threaten the stewardess | (66) |
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E-mail usage declines amongst the young, in favor of IM and text messages. Businesses are expecting a fully illiterate workforce by 2040 | (121) |
| (myTelus) | |
Sure, you can call 911 to report a fake bank robbery, but they're not going to send the officers who are busy arresting you | (28) |
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Man applies for job as cop, gets an immediate position in the jail | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Landlord threatens to release secret sex tape featuring tenant if she doesn't pay her damn rent. Guess where? | (114) |
| (Nevada Appeal) | |
Cop lucky to be alive after kids smart enough to know how to chamber a round, but too stupid to take off the safety try to kill him with his own gun | (218) |
| (Pursegirl) | |
Yipes 101: Over a quarter of college students have "mental illness" | (342) |
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Hooker in fishnets delays softball game between lobbyists | (117) |
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Fark hasn't had a great online game greenlit in a while. Cure submitter's Friday afternoon boredom by linking to your favourite in thread | (236) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Today's WTF website: "Men who look like old lesbians" | (101) |
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New police Constable at Kings Cross station has his own office, free reign of the station and all the mice he can eat | (29) |
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Feds seize two tons of Ron Paul coins | (179) |
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"I'm no nerd," claims math record holder. Pic begs to differ | (145) |
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"The makers of video games tend to forget what the medium does best: Allow us to blow sh*t up" (Sponsored Link) | (71) |
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Do lobsters feel pain when you cook them alive? Yes, study shows. Do you really care if they feel pain? No, because they're so delicious | (232) |
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Cheerleaders suspended for spelling out school mascot's name on their butts (video) | (187) |
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Remember the NYC restaurant with the $25K dessert? You may want to wait until they get rid of the rats and roaches | (57) |
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Michael Vick's former mansion is for sale, dog carcasses included at no extra charge | (51) |
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Does Baltimore have an image problem? Crime? Check. Poverty? Check. Drugs? Check. Hmmm... | (212) |
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Todays rhyming theme: Photoshop a snail, a trail and a fail (LGT senseless GIS) | (39) |
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Connecticut Fark Party TONIGHT. The Old Dublin, Wallingford, 7pm | (34) |
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Five PowerPoint slides you can use to spice up your next presentation | (180) |
| (Deseret News) | |
People moving to Utah at a rate faster than Mormons can reproduce | (146) |
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In case you were wondering how many people your company's products can disembowel and still stay in business, it's three. Four if they survive the newest lawsuit | (145) |
| (Connection Newspapers) | |
CIA panty thief says he has no money for restitution. If only there were some sort of market for used panties, maybe in Japan or somewhere | (28) |
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One of Britain's biggest Cold War mysteries solved: Who killed frogman Lieutenant Commander "Buster" Crabbe? | (73) |
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Proving the FSM thing is totally played out, academics plan conference to discuss its cultural and theological significance | (539) |
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Man discovers just how bad his financial |