Sun October 28, 2007
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If you are parliamentary secretary to the Minister of Transport, you might want to curb your impulse for speed | (7) |
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Forget Rudy's zero tolerance, it's unleaded gas that did for the mugging capital of America | (27) |
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Another way the rich get richer: timing conception to boost their children's grades. Wait, what? | (39) |
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Usually "drunk" and "virgin" are two words that go great together. Not so much here | (42) |
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TV reporters with hidden cameras bring a computer with a $25 defect to various computer repair companies. Turns out that most of the "techs" range from $200 idiots to outright $2000 scammers | (182) |
| (Some Guy Ex G.I.) |  |
G.I. Joe is no longer an American Hero | (110) |
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Twins separated at birth reunited after 35 years. With no evidence of Spock-like goatee, scientist unable to determine which twin is evil | (81) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Judging from the way I look, people would NEVER guess that I _______________ | (756) |
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It's do or die tonight for the Rox, or it could be the second championship in the last four years for the Sox: Your World Series Game 4 discussion thread | (1436) |
| (Trib Live) | |
"In my opinion, it appears to be a juvenile Sasquatch" | (86) |
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Old and busted: tattoos. New hotness among idiots: branding. ""It was an incredible experience. There was smoke coming out of my arm and my burnt flesh smelled like a cross between chicken and bacon" | (256) |
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General Petraeus cites "mafia-like" criminals as latest threat in Iraq, after finding severed camel head in his bedsheets | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The end of October is a very festive time for residents of Coarsegold, CA. "They're all over the roads." No, not trick-or-treaters. Tarantulas | (135) |
| (Interfacelift) |  |
Photoshop these aviators | (49) |
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Minorities less likely to Trick or Treat, mainly because everyone refuses to accept the new holiday name Kwanzaween | (175) |
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"The typical young tourist that comes here drinks an awful lot of beer, smokes an awful lot of grass, and then takes mushrooms. That's the recipe for disaster" | (73) |
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Muggles protest the opening of a witch school in Illinois | (161) |
| (MetroWest Daily News) |  |
Caption this girl | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The undiscovered "Calvin & Hobbes" and other rare Bill Watterson works | (99) |
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Captain Underpants blamed for Halloween costume ban | (55) |
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"The dirty secret of the information revolution is that much of it is about repackaging other people's stories." Fark's crack journalistic team objects | (32) |
| (KCCI.com) | |
Tired of being told to fetch, dog shoots owner. So much for man's best friend | (35) |
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Schwarzenegger vows to find arsonists, will start with everybody whose last name is Connor | (52) |
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Organizers suspect the reason the divorce fair had light attendance was probably because no one wants to be photographed attending a divorce fair | (17) |
| (The E-T) | |
Roughly one-third of lottery winners find themselves in serious financial trouble or bankrupt within five years | (135) |
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Family finds hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of old coins after great-grandma had apparently been tossing them into a hole in the wall for decades | (76) |
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The planet is in the grips of the sixth great extinction in its 4.5-billion-year history | (292) |
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Swedes invent new eco-friendly alternative to cremation: freeze-dry the body in liquid nitrogen, shatter the whole thing into powder, then sift powder to get rid of metal fillings, joint prosthesis and boobie implants. Seriously | (104) |
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Firemen in hot water over video prank with hose-on-hose action. With YouTube posting goodness | (71) |
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Anonymous UK royal gets blackmailed for hookers and blow. Harry, Harry, Harry | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Newest Halloween craze: "Trunk or Treating" --Instead of going house to house trick or treating, kids go from trunk to trunk [blank stare] | (126) |
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Cal Ripken to serve as special diplomatic envoy to China. Plan said to include marathon negotiating sessions that just keep going and going until the other side drops and concedes | (44) |
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How some guy stole over 130 laptops from offices of major corporations, and how he got caught | (127) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Dallas police on the lookout for a fearsome criminal mastermind: a yogurt-eating bandit. "He thinks he's unstoppable. He goes in, burglarizes the places, he has a snack, and then he leaves" | (25) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Used car to drive to college: $4,000. Bachelor's Degree in Journalism: $100,000. Inability to rotate a photo 90º for your newspaper's website: priceless | (94) |
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Childhood expert to bullying victims: "Man up, Nancy" | (426) |
| (Some Guy) | |
From the Some Headlines Don't Need Additional Comment Department: Cooter crisis in Citrus County | (33) |
| (The Times Record) | |
Not news: Man runs for the school board. News: He's only 21. Fark: With 18 criminal convictions in the past two years. Welcome to politics my boy, you're off to a grand start | (29) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this trigger happy youth, and his big ass machine gun | (65) |
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As you drive through Boston, admire the $250 million car pool lane that nobody uses because it doesn't go anywhere and isn't any faster than the lane you're in | (63) |
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Caption this Hitchcockian scene | (67) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
When she died family members put her in a homemade wooden casket and laid it on two sawhorses in the dining room of her condo. For two days. Welcome to the green funeral | (112) |
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Flight diverted after woman tries to open emergency door over wing. Dragged off shouting something about gremlins | (64) |
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British bureaucracy is laying off circus clowns left, right and center ring, turning them into the crying-on-the-outside kind, I guess | (22) |
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Not news: Burglar breaks window to get into home. Fark: He slips and cuts his throat on the jagged glass | (53) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Craig found in public restroom snuggling with anatomically correct inflatable doll | (76) |
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LOLZOMBIES | (51) |
| (Northwest Florida Daily News) | |
Son racks up $53,000 tab at strip club; father says dancers exploited him. For $53k, there'd better be sex in the champagne room | (115) |
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Emo kids, emo parents, and now emo pastors. Let's all looooove Britney Spears. (HUUUUGGGGSS) | (205) |
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Photoshop this ecstatic baseball player | (67) |
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Inventors of Internet say if they'd known it would be carrying that much porn by 2007, they would have built it to be more robust. No, not Al Gore - the guys who really invented it | (157) |
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Old and busted: Road rage. New hotness: Father and son tag team road rage | (29) |
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Rain eases wildfire conditions in California. Tune in tomorrow for hysterical threads about how floods and mudslides are washing the left coast into the sea | (54) |
| (kare11) | |
Clerk of court falsifies computer records on 70 of her parking tickets. That's a firing | (28) |
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The last known British survivor of the trenches of WW1, Harry Patch, 109, launches his local poppy appeal | (129) |
Sat October 27, 2007
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Five drinking stories that made history | (68) |
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Beer prices to increase due to shortage of hops. EVERYBODY PANIC | (116) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Thieves try to explain to police why they were driving a stolen car, but stay quiet about the alligator foot they were carrying | (16) |
| (Courier Post) | |
It just wouldn't be Halloween without the annual Pumpkin Chuckin' trebuchet competition (with pics) | (45) |
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Can the Rockies heat up in cool Colorado? Can Ortiz remember which hand to put the first baseman's glove on? Will anyone other than ticket brokers show up at the game? These stories and a minute with Andy Rooney, tonight in Game Three | (1387) |
| (Some Mom) |  |
Teacher of the Year candidate tutors 2nd-graders in 'tasting game': "You wear this blindfold and tell me what flavor is on my banana." Bonus: He had them bob their heads, too | (336) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these 1940s housewives | (62) |
| (Consumerist) | |
TSA Screener breaks guy's laptop, then threatens to arrest him. Why do laptop owners hate America? | (531) |
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Air quality is so bad in Southern California that people are told to "sit quietly at home and watch TV." The arsonists have won | (67) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not News: Floridian shoots intruder in home. News: Shooter is 75 years old. FARK: He's also legally blind | (74) |
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Oh, those crazy criminals and their "witty" t-shirt slogans. The Smoking Gun is there | (138) |
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Bikers complain that "bus knuckles" in road are causing them to crash their motorcycles. Like this is a bad thing | (255) |
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Despite the great story from last week, FBI says Washington State man "is not a viable suspect" in the D.B. Cooper case | (38) |
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Policeman, who left his earpiece in to stay in contact in case he was needed, cleared of criminal charges in "sex-on-the-job" case | (25) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The next big threat to America: illegal, unlicensed cheese | (95) |
| (Arthur's Hall) | |
From the author who brought you the "Ten Manliest Firearms" comes the "Manly Way To Cook Meat." Suck it, veggie lovers | (151) |
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"The failure of the major media in the United States to cover the extraterrestrial issue is one of the great failures of journalism" | (100) |
| (Buffalo News) |  |
The Buffalo News would like to take the time to remind you not to set your clocks back tonight | (53) |
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Georgia is not alone - government forecasters say that within the next five years, 36 states will be facing record fresh water shortages. Hey buddy, can you spare a cup of water? | (173) |
| (Some Guy) | |
NY rumored to have started a speed trap program using E-Z Pass detectors hidden along certain stretches of highway. The terrorists have won | (164) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Which is worse, an escaped lion or inbred hillbillies with guns hunting the lion? | (73) |
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Dutch protesters make bid to save "magic mushrooms." Yes, these are the mushrooms you're thinking about | (69) |
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Peter Piper pilfered power to produce prolific patch of pot plants. Prosecutors put Peter Piper in prison, prescribe probation as possible post-prison procedure | (41) |
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Government concludes spontaneous combustion of town's appliances caused by aliens | (33) |
| (400 yards of fun) | |
400 meter run kills boy who tried to run 400 meters then died death while trying to go that far whent he man says "hey go run 400 meters" and the kid says ok and then runs 400 meters then dies | (171) |
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Both of the illegal aliens living in Maine are pissed they will have to learn English to get a driver's license | (117) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Weird news: Lobsters stage mass breakout from supermarket. Farkworthy: Police took them to animal shelter | (47) |
| (Chronicle Live) | |
Life imitates Reno 911 as police chasing streaker suddenly find themselves pursued by him (with pic of fleeing man buttocks) | (40) |
| (Metro.co.uk) | |
"When you catch your wife in another man's house wearing only a towel while eating a Chinese take-away there really can only be one thought" | (89) |
| (WMUR 9) | |
Authorities investigate a mysterious green light that illuminated a passenger plane during takeoff. Confused as to why that particular plane was greenlit, and not a better one | (62) |
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Weird: Woman lost in forest is saved by her ocarina. Weirder: her dog was no help because he only understands Japanesse | (84) |
| (Some Welsh Guy) | |
Cops use spy camera to arrest man for making school kids cooler, more popular | (25) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this bumpy ball | (77) |
| (Some Guy) | |
With the West now sufficiently pussified, China is now the land of real men | (73) |
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Boston Fark Party: TONIGHT, October 27th at the Times Irish Bar, Boston. DIT - Come party with your fellow Farkers | (34) |
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Man convicted of tossing puppy off balcony in fight with girlfriend will spend next three years tossing salad | (518) |
| (Gothamist) | |
Port Authority now trapping feral cats who are "enemy number one" at JFK airport. With "I can haz bording pass?" photos | (475) |
| (KMBC) | |
Two-alarm fire strikes vacant bowling alley, nothing is spared, arsonists suspected of making a 7-10 split from the scene | (29) |
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Not News: Man commits suicide News: at work Fark: by climbing into heavy industrial machinery, turning it on, and being crushed to death | (89) |
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I-Mockery's Ultimate Guide to the Halloween Candies of 2007. Helllllooooo tooth decay | (43) |
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Pub owner faces charges when, after nationwide smoking ban that forced his customers to smoke outside, their smoke drifted into nearby yard and destroyed “natural smell of fresh air” | (153) |
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Not only did a pit bull save her owner during a home invasion robbery, she gave police the DNA evidence to arrest the suspect | (100) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this fringe | (42) |
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Man dying of cancer bets bookies that he'll beat longest known survival time for someone with his condition and live until June 1, 2008 – and they give him 50:1 odds | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Waitress in fish and chip shop wins £1 million jackpot, last heard screaming, "OH MY COD" (pic) | (78) |
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Step 1: Get a cardboard box. 2: And a Glass Cutter. 3. Profit. Fark: Get caught by cops. Double Fark: Cops are impressed with ingenuity of these criminals | (38) |
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The Magic Is Gone: Emma Watson splits with boyfriend while working on Half-Blood Prince movie | (141) |
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Killer who has spent two decades running from and taunting U.S. law enforcement captured in Canada by rookie Mountie six weeks out of the academy. They always get their man | (51) |
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Dozens killed as floods hit war-torn Congo, even after citizens form a long line to dance their way to safety | (37) |
| (Some Rockies Fan) | |
"A 400-foot hit in Boston travels 440 feet in Denver. A pitch thrown at Coors Field is 6 inches ahead of the same pitch at Fenway Park." | (62) |
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Actual headline on the front page of CNN: "What to do if your house has ghosts" Strangely, "Put down the crack pipe" not first item on list | (168) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Wal-Mart employee takes photo of customer's butt with cell phone. Now faces two years in prison | (113) |
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Fat women are more jolly, especially when you bring the flour | (98) |
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Teen who can't STFU and her idiot father challenge Illinois law calling on moment of reflective silence at beginning of each school day | (422) |
Fri October 26, 2007
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Six-year-old girl raises £4,000 for cancer drugs to save her dad's life (pic) | (61) |
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Sen. Craig to argue that soliciting in the bathroom is free speech. He wasn't doing that, of course, but you know, if someone else did | (121) |
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Nothing quite like a good cold beer, unless of course you count the $1,000 King Richard's Pride cocktail | (24) |
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British Army raises morale among fighting troops by having Page 3 girls go commando. The Sun is there (SFWpics) | (60) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not News: Man steals camera from Circuit City. News: Police have obtained a photo of suspect. Fark.com: Suspect took the photo himself, on a display camera he left in the store | (38) |
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Pets and their owners "are like married couples" and get more alike the longer they live together. You're beginning to crave steak | (111) |
| (Some Gun Happy Guy) | |
The ten manliest firearms in the world. With bonus pic goodness of the author's 9-year-old daughter cradling her very own pink-stocked custom built AR15 | (634) |
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Syrian nuclear site that Israel bombed but that was not, according to Syria, a nuclear site is now a barren site with no debris to test (satellite photos) | (174) |
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How many bytes in a kilobyte? a) 1024, b) 1000, c) 5% refund | (345) |
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Boston jail becomes posh hotel. Now if we could just get the rest of the Spice Girls in there | (29) |
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REMINDER: Boston Fark Party, TOMORROW. Farktoberfest 2007 at the Times Irish Bar, Boston. Final Details In Thread. Party Starts at 6 | (19) |
| (Some Alaskan Guy) | |
Jogger bitten in the ass by bear... or better known simply as Thursday in Alaska | (59) |
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Best. Advice. Ever | (287) |
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Governor of Fark's favorite state needs to be invited to the next Tallahassee Fark Party | (41) |
| (Some Atheist) | |
Coming soon to a bumper near you: atheists now have their own symbol to counter the infamous Christian fish | (553) |
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What do you get the person who has everything? How about an authentic Japanese Buddhist temple | (34) |
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CVS thieves make off with $800 in Crest WhiteStrips and electric toothbrushes | (117) |
| (Some English) | |
Five Amish teenagers arrested for vandalism spree after late night drinking party. "Authorities accused the suspects of using large rocks to smash the windows and breaking two bird houses in their early morning rampage" | (76) |
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Joining the Mile High Club has never been easier (with disgusting pornographic pic) | (172) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Naked man tries to swim away from police by jumping in Gulf of Mexico. After two hours, realizes he might not have thought his cunning plan through | (37) |
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Two teenagers break into a house, discover a shotgun lying around... you're reading this on Fark, so you can imagine why only one of them is now being charged with a crime | (147) |
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Polish man sues Germany for injuries he received... in 1944 | (88) |
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Police officer charged with molesting mentally handicapped girls. This is not just an abuse of his authority, it's farking retarded | (240) |
| (Daily Mail) | |
News: Hospital sued over misdiagnosis of gall bladder infection. Fark: Misdiagnosed as a case of child molestation by a satanic cult. Whoopsie | (119) |
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Teenager in go-kart eludes seven German police cars. Chief to advocate equipping all police vehicles with red turtle shells | (104) |
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What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? If you're a Maryland judge, the correct answer is "sadomasochists sometimes like to get beat up. Not guilty" | (119) |
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New pancake mix spews batter like easy cheese. Peter North, you've now got competition | (109) |
| (Volunteer TV) | |
Teacher, student, mugshot, meh | (98) |
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Photoshop this skateboarding cop | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Associated Press' Center for the Blindingly Obvious reports rise in cases of teacher/student sex, greenlights on Fark | (20) |
| (WBZTV) | |
Woman, hoping to break up an ex-boyfriend's marriage, posts pics and profiles of his wife on various adult websites. Hilarity ensues | (83) |
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Nearly eight out of ten Americans believe there will be a Judgement Day and have "no doubt" that God exists. Suck it, atheists | (736) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man writes an IOU to his girlfriend for $13,300 if they ever break up. They break up and the court rules he has to pay | (64) |
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Bad: Woman stabs man. Good: woman then takes him to hospital. Bad: where she proceeds to rob him | (17) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man breaks into his ex-girlfriend's home, falls asleep hiding in her closet. She later discovered him because of the odor of beer. Why did she ever let this charming rogue go? | (17) |
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Utah's Liquor Control Commissioner wants bars and restaurants to cover up their liquor bottles for fear of offending non-drinkers | (142) |
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Man in wheelchair disarms and kills invader... chair-mounted shotgun holder to be invented soon | (150) |
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Houston toddlers test positive for cocaine, slap Charlie Murphy | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"What do you want on your pizza?" "Two cheeseburgers, fries and McNuggets" | (130) |
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Police were chasing an Oregon man when he fled into Idaho -- and then doubled back because he preferred Oregon jails to the ones in Idaho | (34) |
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Ghost expert: New York City perfect environment for unrested souls | (147) |
| (Live Free or Die) | |
On second thought, maybe nachos would have been better for the Red Sox game-watching party. Instead of heroin | (60) |
| (Some Guy) | |
52-year-old homeless man found wandering a Kohl's store wearing a pink camisole and panties | (95) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
Cancer boy to receive new miniature horse after dogs slaughtered his last one. Higher fences not included | (125) |
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Man arrested after being found in a restroom lying next to an anatomically correct inflatable doll. This comes three years after getting busted in an alley with a mannequin wearing a bridal dress | (54) |
| (WTvF) | |
It's hard to say which is worse: the fact that there is yet another teacher busted having sex with underage students, or the misleading pics on the site that make it seem like it was a hot lesbian threesome | (66) |
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More recalls of children's items -- this time baby seats -- because people are too stupid to read warnings | (86) |
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Turkish Air Strikes underway. Les Nessman wanted for questioning | (262) |
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Man buys Jim Belushi's 2001 Land Rover, then sues him because it's a lemon. Welcome to Land Rover | (138) |
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If all you had was ten minutes, what would you take? | (603) |
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30 yr old woman has sex with 16 yr old boy. The police said her "story is unique. One reason why, the suspect is a woman." The police obviously don't have a Fark account... or a TV... or a newspaper... or a clue | (164) |
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FEMA sends staffers impersonating reporters to press conference on California wildfires to lob softball questions at officials about what a great job FEMA did | (157) |
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A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle. Dude, you're doing it wrong | (138) |
| (Some Truthiness Guy) |  |
Now that Stephen Colbert is running for president, create a campaign commercial for him. Bonus points for making up new words | (23) |
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Supreme Court of Georgia says teen sex conviction "cruel and unusual" punishment | (276) |
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England to begin HPV vaccinations in all school girls starting at age 12. Of course, we in the U.S. know that this will result in a generation of sluts | (380) |
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Navy fires nuclear submarine commader after discovering he failed to do safety checks on his boat's reactor for almost six months, was mean to Denzel Washington | (229) |
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Oil reaches $92 a barrel on news that every car in the world is powered by it | (172) |
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Man goes into a burning building and rescues two people, comes out, passes out, and then is arrested | (91) |
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