Sun October 14, 2007
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Absinthe is legally back in the U.S. Well, a fluffier, friendlier version | (67) |
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Starbuck's triumphs over 5000 years of Asian history and culture | (49) |
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Obviously not regular readers of Fark, couple arrested for letting 14 teens drink alcohol at their home | (13) |
| (Northwest Florida Daily News) | |
Fisherman catches 844-pound shark during tournament (with Jawsy photos) | (33) |
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And you thought the comments were the worst thing about Youtube | (53) |
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Segways are not the Transportation of Tomorrow at Disney World | (44) |
| (Some Guy Who's Buying A GPS) |  |
Circling the block in your car and asking directions = prostitution in Huntington, WV | (31) |
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Today's fear mongering article by the media: truckers carry explosives. EVERYONE PANIC | (60) |
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Bacon flavored mint julep? bacon-wrapped bananas roasted with curry powder and brown sugar? Bacon pie? Just the typical servings at the Bacon Club | (99) |
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Today's frozen beef recall brought to you by the letters J&B | (26) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Stretch something normally not stretched. LGT example | (96) |
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You better be good looking if you want to serve drinks to people at this casino. "We really wanted to stand out in a different way." | (68) |
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One of Britain's most senior police officers is to call for all drugs – including heroin and cocaine – to be legalised and urges the Government to declare an end to the "failed" war on illegal narcotics | (258) |
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Think your boss is bad? This guy says his boss ordered him to swallow estrogen pills and to wear women's clothing at work to "feminize" and supposedly make him more successful | (57) |
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It's apparently not wise to wear handcuffs as a fashion statement when attending courthouse proceedings | (30) |
| (Madcominist) | |
Ten million-dollar ideas that shoudn't have worked, but did. Fark doesn't make the grade | (72) |
| (India Daily) | |
While you were busy arguing over Star Trek trivia from your basement, this mathmetician found a simulator that can create an artificial wormhole | (55) |
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New law designed to crack down on illegal brothels by cutting off their power. Because there's no way they'd be able to have illegal sex in the dark | (39) |
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Plot uncovered to assassinate Putin in Iran this week | (296) |
| (Halifax Courier) |  |
Police capture burglary suspect who had his head inside a freezer and two screwdrivers in his underpants | (21) |
| (Sandusky Register) | |
Nobody ever cared about shirtless idiots with painted chests at football games -- until the hot girls started doing it | (130) |
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Fly with comfort and class. Fly Zeppelin, eat, drink and sleep in comfort or pop open the window and take a picture from 500 feet | (126) |
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In an effort to boost adoptions, animal shelter website features pics of cute puppies... with a clock counting down hours to their death | (170) |
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It rained 1/10th of an inch in Southern California yesterday. Traffic is still backed up and damages are expected to be in the Billions. Looting erupts and cats and dogs sleep together. Arnold declares martial law | (144) |
| (Extreme Pumpkins) | |
If the pumpkin you carve for Halloween doesn't belch actual fire, you're doing it wrong. Here's how to do it right (pics) | (57) |
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Suspended Vatican Priest says he's not gay, just doing research on dangerous gays. "It was a trap. I was a victim of my own attempts to contribute to cleaning up the Church with my psychoanalyst work" | (88) |
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Teen will probably never realize that one weekend in jail is about the best outcome he could have expected for shooting an off duty cop in the head with an airsoft gun | (180) |
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The man who led the fight against Indian mascots for sports teams dies. No word if it was from the tomahawk chop or alcoholism | (242) |
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This summer I hear the drumming, four dead at a horse show | (42) |
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Alcohol tolerance could give the Aussies and Kiwis the edge in this year's Rock Paper Scissors World Championship | (19) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this father and daughters | (77) |
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Irate dog jailer goes T.J. Hooker on man who attempts to rescue his pooch from pound | (85) |
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Amway subsidiary Quixtar tries to get an activist judge to force ISPs to divulge exactly who called them a poopy head | (157) |
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Police annoyed by website that "combines Facebook-like social interaction with virtual drug deals and naked characters having sex" | (76) |
| (Lodi News) | |
Sooner or later, Hallmark is gonna have to introduce a "Sorry I Shot You In The Face Accidentally" card. It's only a matter of time | (45) |
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"Philippines attempts to sell deadly volcanoes to tourists" ... and people laughed when someone tried to sell the Brooklyn Bridge. Amateurs | (37) |
| (Halifax Daily News) | |
Canadian company has developed a vaccine that eliminates cancer in mice. Still no cure for getting ketchup out of a new bottle without using a butterknife | (111) |
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Atheists gather in Wisconsin this weekend to celebrate a really great year for non-belief | (756) |
| (60 Years Ago Today) |  |
There was a demon that lived in the air. The demon lived at Mach 1 on the meter, seven hundred and fifty miles an hour. He lived behind a barrier through which they said no man could ever pass. They called it the sound barrier | (213) |
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The cry of "get off my lawn" was deafening | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this proud quilter | (68) |
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If a caboose starts to fall, don't try to catch it, because, man, it's gone | (55) |
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Mom sues hotel, wins $85,000. Over porn. Not even good porn. The hotel kind (article pasted in first post) | (125) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Larry Guy shot his wife, then shot himself. "After it done happened, there ain't a thing you can do about it," says resident Joe Articulate. "Things happen every once in a while, but I reckon it's gonna happen" | (66) |
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"If you like oral sex, vote Caragol for council" | (66) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Burglar steals a pizza, six eggs, a can of beef ravioli, a can of peaches and a chicken-and-broccoli Hot Pocket. MacGyver alerts Homeland Security that the burglar is only a popsicle stick and a piece of chewing gum away from a nuke | (80) |
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China, India, Georgia, Canada, New Mexico and Belgium join map of world's wine-producing regions, producing plonk that only makes you wonder how they got the cat to sit on the bottle | (157) |
Sat October 13, 2007
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Albany to create burrow owl habitat. Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick: look at the soil around Albany, Stuart. You can't build on it, you can't grow anything in it. I know it's because of what the queers are doing to our soil | (122) |
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Weekly bus run set up to provide New Zealand town with underpants | (24) |
| (The Courier-Journal) | |
Kentucky knocks off No. 1 ranked LSU in school's greatest football victory ever | (217) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this spaceman | (78) |
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Detroit DJ and promoter is backing down from plans to sponsor a party at a local club that would allow “light skinned” black women in for free | (101) |
| (Dunder Mifflin) | |
TFette is in final round for a contest to design the online "The Office" logo. Vote for Schaumburg (pg 4) and help her out DIT if you want | (253) |
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Things you don't usually read in obituaries: "In 1960 he apprehended the Tigwe of Vwuip, a northern Nigerian tribal chief who had eaten the local tax collector." | (58) |
| (NYSun) |  |
Bad: School police refuse to let honor student into school a few minutes before school starts to talk to teachers. Worse: Honor student is arrested. Fark: Principal tries to intervene on student's behalf and is also arrested | (151) |
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Rare endangered Chinese tiger found. They would have found it earlier but it was crouching next to a hidden dragon | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman spends $10,000 repairing damage caused by squirrels with giant nuts. Rampaging squirrel trifecta complete | (32) |
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If your friend's been shot and you're dropping him off some place so he can get help, make sure you know the difference between 'hospital' and 'hospice' | (17) |
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Man hands Wal-Mart cashier a note saying that he's armed and intends to rob the store, later says that it was just a joke. He's about to learn the punchline in PMITA prison | (17) |
| (Ozark First) |  |
Opiate of the masses gone wild: FSM now second largest religous group at Missouri State | (220) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"As a handicapped person, I get infuriated when there are no electric carts left at the front entrance because most of the people using them are massively obese" | (439) |
| (Florence Times Daily) | |
Alabama town forced to build new jail after the old one was destroyed by a squirrel. Squirrel destruction trifecta now in play | (28) |
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IRS: "We've got free money, all you gotta to do is file for it." Taxpayers: "Eh, that's too much work." | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A month after being shot in the face, man coughs up bullet. Ace Ventura nods approvingly | (25) |
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Tattooed student at Pat Robertson's school suspended for naughty tattoo of Pat Robertson | (45) |
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The U2 Tower to be the world's tallest, most pompous building in Ireland | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
New research finds male drivers 42 percent more likely to be in a head-on crash than a woman, while female drivers twice as likely to have an accident in a parking lot or at stop lights | (73) |
| (The Scranton Times) | |
Fifth grader showing support for breast cancer research? That's a suspendin' | (64) |
| (Some Photographer Guy) | |
World War II in color(might be a repeat, but still pretty cool) | (110) |
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The only place you will see mention of a "smoldering load of cabbages" today | (21) |
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Lawsuits possible for victims of Virginia Tech massacre. Because in America nothing speeds healing better than a big fat check | (63) |
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Woman decides that changing her last name to bin Laden was probably not the best idea | (50) |
| (Captain's Quarters) |  |
The rest of Gen Sanchez' message: "The speculative and often uninformed initial reporting that characterizes our media appears to be rapidly becoming the standard of the industry" | (84) |
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Artists turn Canadian road into a river with the largest 3D painting ever | (36) |
| (Some Beer Snob) | |
"Dangerous new price war" has British supermarkets cutting beer prices in half. Everybody pan- wait, that's supposed to be a *bad* thing? Hmmm, article mentions Strongbow, Beck's, Carlsberg, and Coors. EVERYBODY PANIC | (69) |
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Floating pub, complete with 75 kegs of beer, arrives in London after stops in New York, Western Somoa, and the Bahamas | (17) |
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Burmese military junta orders citizens to spontaneously march to support government. Next will order rest of world to again wring their hands impotently | (48) |
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Italian monsignor says in television interview he “didn’t feel he was sinning” by having sex with gay men. The Vatican refuses to widen their stance on the subject | (49) |
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Train engineer stops meters away from a teen who wanted to check his "quickness" | (27) |
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Photoshop this parachutist | (60) |
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A woman says a neighbor attacked her inflatable Halloween lawn display of three ghosts and a giant pumpkin... then things got weird | (39) |
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What's the greatest threat facing our youth today? Why, it's plastic pen tops of course | (74) |
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Indian court to J. K. Rowling: No, you can't have a lawsuit. Not yours | (79) |
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Elders in Kenya, are debating the question of how to curse people they believe are destroying a forest and sacred sites. Early ideas include dropping Coke bottles from airplanes | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"I'm worried about the future of America. It seems all our intelligent kids want to be doctors, teachers, lawyers or drunk-naked-and-tattooed reality show stars instead of what this country really needs: fast-food managers" | (78) |
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Climate change will finally hit home for many Farkers. Drought raising beer prices | (42) |
| (WRTV) | |
Today's "5 coeds arrested for beating another woman then bragging about it on Facebook" comes to you from Muncie, Indiana. With "Maybe, Maybe, No, No, Do Not Want" video goodness | (98) |
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"This gecko is invading my privacy." Yes, THAT gecko | (53) |
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"Miller Brewing would like consumers to think of it as a wholesome, all-American product. Instead, they're in danger of becoming the 'Honk If You Hate Jesus' beer" | (265) |
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King of Thailand hospitalized for dizziness, weakness on right side of body, et cetera et cetera et cetera | (102) |
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Mom-of-the-year shares a joint with her 2-year-old son. With "I'd take a hit at it" pic | (140) |
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The This-Time-We-Really-Mean-It Final Reminder for the Nashville Fark Party tonight. Come have some beers and hang with Drew | (64) |
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You know who else thinks lolcats are the "most stupid" thing on the web? The London Times, that's who | (589) |
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Guy runs over his hunting dog, but decides to keep her as a three-legged housepet rather than putting her down. She pays him back by chewing every boot he owns to shreds. Just kidding, she's become a national champion hunting dog | (58) |
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Welcome to the cutthroat world of chocolate truffles | (26) |
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Two teenagers have their hands partially severed playing tug-of-war. Kittens seen dancing in the streets | (81) |
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Liven up this hayfield | (76) |
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"You sneeze, you're dead man" (video) | (132) |
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Dude...she's three | (146) |
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Crazed attacker breaks into home, beats owner with karaoke machine then bites his ear off | (31) |
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Armed gang rushes into pub demanding money only to be driven out empty-handed by drunken regulars throwing ashtrays, beer glasses, chairs and bottles of champagne at them. This tag's for you, gents | (47) |
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Widower given permission to dig up his dead wife and take her with him when he moves | (31) |
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Professional violinists may have their instruments taken away from them by the police if they continue to practice inside their home | (60) |
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Car salesman accidentally shoots off mate's testicle, offers him free undercoating | (34) |
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This week's Smoking Gun mugshot theme gallery: Camouflage | (106) |
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Dozens of illegally-owned pets hurled off a bridge in Puerto Rico. Your dog wants a parachute | (97) |
| (The Kentucky Kernel) | |
Squirrels continue relentless attack on the University of Kentucky, knock out power to part of campus for third time | (46) |
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No wonder "down under" is so much fun: New Zealand girls are easy and Australian girls are eager | (89) |
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Parents of Shawn Hornbeck speak out about kidnapper's sentencing, and why Bill O'Reilly owes their son a public apology | (175) |
Fri October 12, 2007
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"I've called Al Gore and urged him to run for president so many times," Carter said. "He finally told me the last time, 'President Carter, please do not call me any more.' " | (227) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this man on the sidewalk | (70) |
| (Some Guy) | |
What's a brother gotta do to get a green flight around here? | (23) |
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Which is better Coke or Pepsi? Two delivery men duke it out at Walmart to find out | (212) |
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Co-defendant in Simpson robbery decides to cut his losses and stab OJ in the back at trial | (55) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Florida tops nation in number of community college associate's degrees awarded for fifth consecutive year | (97) |
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Scientists predict sex with robots by 2050: This is gonna be the best prom ever. Heeh heeh heeh | (220) |
| (NBC 7 Boston) | |
Media: school attack plotter had cache of guns, grenades, table full of rifles. Reality: 1 gun without ammo, toy airsoft grenades, many BB guns | (108) |
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Gordon f*cking Ramsay's top 5 f*cking tips for f*cking home cooks so they don't f*ck up another f*cking meal by serving sh*t on a f*cking plate | (136) |
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CNN, ever the example of responsible journalism, announces that scalpers steal joy from children. As the main headline. On their front page | (119) |
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It's about time we put an end to this highly dangerous form of recreation before anyone else is killed. We're talking about go-carting, of course | (65) |
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Woman finds $20k, returns it, and gets a $500 reward. Crime pays better | (147) |
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Dirty nurses blamed for patient deaths, bad porn movies | (68) |
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FDA to investigate dangerous levels of lead found in lipstick and the subsequent danger to cats' anuses | (38) |
| (Follow-up trumps Dumbass) | |
Palestinian Authority: "With our ponies and roads made of solid gold, any settlement will have to include giving us complete control over Jerusalem and Jewish holy sites. Yes, including the Western Wall" What's arabic for Chutzpah? | (513) |
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Breaking News: California attorney general confirms Anna Nicole Smith still dead | (41) |
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Cat trained to use computer to ring a bell and add captions to pictures of self | (208) |
| (TMZ) | |
Warrants served in ongoing investigation of how to keep the Anna Nicole Smith story alive | (31) |
| (Cincinnati Post) | |
Shooting porn in a public park is legal if you call it art | (124) |
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A week after his troops fired on peaceful protestors and Buddhist monks, instant karma catches up with the Prime Minister of Burma. Nobody told him there'd be days like these | (127) |
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Suicidal Tennessee State legislator flees rehab. Then things get weird | (72) |
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Boston's new civilian police review board has nothing to do because police say there is no misconduct serious enough to warrant civilian review | (53) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Oil hits all-time high of $84 a barrel on news that Al Gore wins Nobel Prize | (104) |
| (Some Guy) | |
British doctors writing new prescriptions for fattie patients: Maps pointing them to nearest park, where they can sweat out some lard | (83) |
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Guess which Halloween yard display is creating the most controversy: a) the bloody guillotine, b) the torso that looked like it had been torn in half by a lawn mower, or c) the dummy hanging from a noose | (279) |
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Photoshop these three colorful birdhouses | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Street value figures for drugs have often been criticized by readers of The Union and others, who contend they are inflated to make law enforcement look good | (128) |
| (Some Armenian news Guy) | |
Worse than undermining US efforts in Iraq, the Armenian Genocide Resolution is resulting in McDonalds employees not appearing for work, and Spiderman and Barbie dolls are being burnt in some shops in Turkey. For God's sake, stop the madness | (176) |
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FINAL REMINDER: D/FW Farktoberfest this Saturday at 7. Two locations, twice the fun. And yes, German beer will flow like water. LGT previous thread w/details, directions | (76) |
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In obvious preparation for Osama bin Laden's capture, someone thoughtfully leaves a noose near Ground Zero in lower Manhattan. Either that or Al Sharpton is going to be leading a march in NYC soon | (83) |
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Abortions just as common in countries that ban it as in ones that don't | (979) |
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College president -- busted for plagairism in his doctoral dissertation -- keeps his job, but must go back and "fix" his 1984 dissertation. No word on how he will update "the sentient Trans Am in modern society" | (81) |
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Dentist tells a judge that chest massages are sometimes appropriate dental care after 26 women complain about inappropriate touching | (127) |
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Today's "hippies grousing about nuclear power" story brought to you by Bonnie Raitt. "These 'new' reactors are the same as the old ones, with... a proven 50-year track record of catastrophic failure." Blinks | (530) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
1993 World Trade Center bombing mastermind says he's converted from Islam to Christianity, will be changing name from Ramzi Yousef to Festus Henderson | (189) |
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Klutzo the Clown confusion | (65) |
| (Some Guy) | |
What really happened at the failed X-wing launch -- the footage you didn't see | (161) |
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Someone is throwing pumpkins at truckers driving on Route 70 in Pennsylvania. Christopher Walken wanted for questioning | (70) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man wins the lottery after his cat chose the numbers for him | (104) |
| (Seacaost Online) | |
Your nine-year-old son is ready for school when he accidentally locks himself in handcuffs. Do you: C) Put him on the bus anyway? | (86) |
| (Lakeland Ledger) | |
Having ended poverty, secured the border, eliminated taxes, ended crime, and squashed the threat of terrorism, the government is now ready to tackle what really matters: Protecting your children from pepperoni | (116) |
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The USA doesn't have a monopoly on Francophobia: Here's a handy British list of 30 reasons to dislike the French | (364) |
| (Delaware online) | |
When attempting to rob a convenience store, it's critically important to bring paper to write your demands note. Rather than using the back of your own paystub | (23) |
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Residents of Boston suburb require two years of training to learn not to stand in front of moving trains | (78) |
| (Some SnoCo'er) | |
The latest "drunk guy tries to outrun the cops while driving a tractor" story brought to you by -- where else? -- Snohomish County, Washington | (79) |
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Mounties to be disciplined for showing a group of hot, drunk girls why they always get their woman. (With pics) | (340) |
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Here we go....the real Final Reminder for the Nashville Fark Party tomorrow, Come drink with Drew and the rest of us Farkers | (28) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Apparently, attempting to hang your wife -- even if it's just to create the most realistic haunted house ever -- is probably gonna get you arrested | (29) |
| (wwmt) | |
Man making getaway with stolen goods takes shortcut through K-9 training ground. Hilarity ensues | (27) |
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Google censors articles opposing Moveon.org? | (344) |
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City of Orlando recommends that homeowners walk around their houses much more carefully after discovering that there may be World War II-era rockets and grenades under their houses | (36) |
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Police impressed that three-year-old obeys basic traffic laws during toy car joyride on the highway. In fact, that's probably what drew their attention to him in the first place | (90) |
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Man attempts to snatch boy from school. Boy reports incident to school officials. Officials don't bother to inform parents or cops. Boy informs parents after school. NOW it's serious (with creepy sketch of man) | (125) |
| (BayNews9) | |
Mother arrested for holding 5-year-old son outside moving SUV window to pee (With me-happy mugshot goodness) | (115) |
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Photoshop Code of Conduct §24-4-9(a): Posters in this contest shall involve a pool, a fool, and a rule in each entry | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
School sends obesity notes home with kids, which seemed like a good idea until the kids got hungry and ate them | (222) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman who saved 2,500 Jews during the Holocaust given Nobel Peace Prize. Just kidding, it's the guy who emits over a ton of CO2 a year telling us to stop global warming | (1619) |