Sun September 30, 2007
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73 per cent of all people arrested for crimes in Australia test positive for marijuana. Wait a minute – isn't NORML telling us that pot is harmless and doesn't lead to crime? | (109) |
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Man eats 21 pounds of grits in 10 minutes. Natalie Portman not impressed | (26) |
| (One Eyed Monster) |  |
Scotland blaming a drop in tourism on fewer sightings of the Loch Ness Monster | (38) |
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Man sets world record by skipping stone 51 times. And this is the last time you'll hear the name 'Russell Byar' in the news ever again | (45) |
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Holyfield vs. Foreman II: Battle of the grills. Ali steamed that he didn't get in on the action | (41) |
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Spanish town tosses world's biggest salad | (33) |
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Hillary so far ahead of Barack in the polls it's like being up 7 games with 17 to play | (466) |
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Police take a nip at Tuck; man who had child-sex tape turns self in | (192) |
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Mets collapse complete, Phillies win NL East | (193) |
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Repeat | (78) |
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Baby Boomers, beware: There's a new "Me Generation" in town | (354) |
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New study shows that older brothers suck | (108) |
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There's apparently a reason why cats prefer the unfriendliest person in the room. Here comes the leftover Caturday science | (229) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Regardless of whether the motivations are good or ill or the reasoning sound or not: slowly, incrementally, perversely, boyhood is being banned" | (279) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If a serious crime were committed and you were falsely accused, would you have an alibi for last night? | (213) |
| (MetroWest Daily News) |  |
College authorities keep a sharp eye out for students who dare to sit in comfy chairs | (59) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this strange shower contraption | (61) |
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Caption this king on the phone. VE | (80) |
| (Lazy Cops) |  |
After years of telling citizens to install burglar alarms, cops decide they aren't coming unless someone actually sees or hears an intruder | (135) |
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Most seven-year olds who forget their class assignment aren't forced to strip naked and stand on their desk while their classmates boo them. Most, but apparently not all | (114) |
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Health Department promises to retool free condom distribution program after community leaders reject "Coming Together in DC" freebies. A good craftsman never blames his tool. (w/pic) | (27) |
| (Some Guy) | |
From the "sounds like a madlib" department: Aussie cop attempts milk bar robbery with fake gun, gets skull bashed in by milk maids | (36) |
| (Daily Press) | |
Scientists remain frustrated that although they understand nearly everything there is to know about the brain, they still have no idea where consciousness comes from or how it works. Braiiiiiiiins | (362) |
| (Dothan Eagle) | |
If you live in Alabama, best to keep a closed mind | (176) |
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Today's finger-biting stripper is brought to you by Cedar Rapids, Iowa | (44) |
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Bush prepares to bomb Iran before end of term | (691) |
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Actual headline: "Chimp not a person, Court rules" | (95) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
"A motorist who was driving directly behind the [SUV] said the driver must not have seen the steamroller and smashed into it 'full force ahead'.” (with aftermath video) | (67) |
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World's first commercial nuclear power station is asploded (with video) | (60) |
| (WINK News) | |
Splish Splash, I was takin' a bath. Long about a Friday night. Rub-a-dub, gasoline is in my tub. Anyone around got a light? | (39) |
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Pumpkin-tosser knocked unconscious by his own trebuchet | (60) |
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Know how to show those jackass airport police who arrest you for making a scene after you arrive late for your flight? You straight up die on their ass, that's how | (90) |
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Car wrecks, stolen police cruiser, 33-year-old guy with a 15-year-old girlfriend. This story has it all | (54) |
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Woman arrested for going ninja on a bunch of kids. With priceless "Oh no you din't" mugshot that you can add to your collection | (127) |
| (listaholic) | |
The five highest-paid pornstars. "Houston" appears to have a problem. Pretty safe for work (cleavage) (Link is Farked, but content posted in first post) | (178) |
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Four teens who attacked man on bus get their asses handed to them...literally | (186) |
| (Some Cornhusker) |  |
After farmer's untimely cancer death, a few neighbors come over to help the family harvest the crops -- about 40 neighbors, actually | (55) |
Sat September 29, 2007
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When looking for a job, delivering your entire cover letter verbally as a rap song might not really work out the way you want | (37) |
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Topps recalling 22 million pounds of beef due to e.coli. Bubble gum technically okay, but still tastes like cardboard | (44) |
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Drew is drunk and doing a live podcast at Linuxfest, click to listen (link fixed, maybe) | (186) |
| (The Phoenixville Phoenix) | |
Woman somehow manages to run over both of her own legs in McDonald's drive-thru | (105) |
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Neighbours complain that the f*cking stench from Gordon f*cking Ramsay's New York restaurant is "f*cking unbearable" | (87) |
| (Some Guy) | |
CT-scan technician forgets about patient, leaves her in scanner for hours after clinic closes | (76) |
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Underwear keeps appearing overnight on gardening lines in front of a man's house. "Some of this is more ugly sister stuff, It's been designed for an elephant" | (34) |
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British couple charged almost $200,000 for a seven minute phone call. AT&T trying to persuade British Telecom to share their new technology | (39) |
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It was only a matter of time before FARK Photoshops became a matter of public policy | (66) |
| (Some Guy) | |
In NJ? Want to help the needy? Like porn? Have they got a deal for you | (36) |
| (North Country Gazette) | |
Penis pump judge's appeal "claiming that his sentence for masturbating on the bench was too stiff" is denied, shoots his whole wad on lawyers | (56) |
| (NZ Herald) | |
"The magnets were too powerful, so on occasion car keys metal biros or other small metal items in proximity might rapidly attach themselves to the wearer's testicles" | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Good: Local theater makes their own production of a movie. Better: It's Point Break. Fark: The actor playing Keanu Reeves is selected at random from the audience each night | (71) |
| (MidHudson News) | |
Man complains to police that his skin feels funny. Police observe that maybe he wouldn't feel that way if he wasn't coked to the gills and wandering around backyards naked at 3AM | (19) |
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Police proud to announce capture of girl-ninja-robber-fugitives | (27) |
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12-year old girl exercises her Second Amendment rights at Texas middle school | (126) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not Fark: people sleeping in public parks, parking spaces and even Times Square. Fark: they're not homeless | (66) |
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Drunk driver apprehended by police...after he crashes into a police car | (12) |
| (Greeley Tribune) |  |
Girls-only sex toy slumber party? Oral sex workshops? Sensual massage classes? No big deal, it's just Hot Sex Week at the University of Northern Colorado | (85) |
| (VanityFair.com) | |
Forget about your "carbon footprint", it's more important to reduce your "a--hole footprint" | (126) |
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Move over, Picasso | (69) |
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Senator Craig's downfall will benefit another group that likes hooking up for anonymous outdoor sex: salmon | (64) |
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Having beaver around the house can sure get expensive | (32) |
| (Light On Light Through) | |
Kucinich proposes lowering the voting age to 16. Because you want your next election to be swayed by skinny tattooed idiots who can't wear their pants correctly and think that jamming a spike through their lip is the height of self-expression | (277) |
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Young man cited for graffiti even though he had no spraypaint, just a cleaning rag and some solvents | (101) |
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Saudi divorces his slut of a wife for being alone with another man. And of course by "another man", the husband was referring to the host of the television show his wife was watching | (147) |
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Protestors getting crabby in Rangoon | (58) |
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Duke president apologizes to lacrosse players, families today for abandoning them in their time of need and demonstrating the sucktitude genome that comprises the entire Duke DNA strand | (151) |
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Prison inmates in jeopardy after mixing hand sanitizer and kool-aid to make potent potable | (74) |
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A 24-year-old man marries 82-year-old woman. He's found a lover with a slow hand | (121) |
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Three-year investigation into police officer's £90 expenses discrepancy winds up costing taxpayers £500,000. That's some good work there, boys | (27) |
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Some asswipe is stealing toilet paper from Wisconsin public restrooms | (66) |
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Man drowns swimming to the pub | (29) |
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After the most recent suicide bombing in Afghanistan, Afghan President has vowed justice...just kidding, he's offering the Taliban high-level government positions | (96) |
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Chinatown brothel caught offering student discounts | (53) |
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40 year old man? Check. Dead 86 year old roommate? Check. Deceased's corpse kept in a closet while 40 year old used his ATM card? Check. Florida? You bet that's a check | (22) |
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You young Farkers ever wonder why Tylenol bottles are harder to get into than a frigid girl's pants? It was 25 years ago today that Tylenol laced with Cyanide killed 3 people | (126) |
| (Times-Leader) | |
State appeals court throws out ruling that said a couple of drug-addicted bums can't have any more kids until they get back their existing four | (83) |
| (Post-Gazette) | |
Laundry detergent is getting stronger... and Leon's getting laaaaaaaaarger | (103) |
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FDA officials: cold meds not for kids. Trix are for kids, silly Feds | (30) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Top 100 ways global warming will change your life - including shortages of French wines, Christmas trees, Bulgarian hookers and the end of baseball | (415) |
| (Chattanoogan) |  |
Two Chattanooga men say they may have landed "Bigfoot" out near I-40 in New Mexico | (105) |
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Most guys get their dates a corsage. This guy got his girlfriend the homecoming queen crown. FARK: by running for queen and winning it himself | (83) |
| (Wikipedia) | |
List of historical cats | (424) |
| (timelines are cool) | |
In 800 AD, Danes taught the Brits how to comb their hair | (52) |
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England is on the verge of housing criminals in a giant prison ship. Aaaarrrrrh | (72) |
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What would Fark look like if Drew was a woman? | (88) |
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Breaking up with your girlfriend? That's a hammerin'. With mugshot scariness | (105) |
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Parents shocked to discover precious snowflakes are really lard buckets | (93) |
| (KSDK) |  |
Security guard breaks student's wrist, mother beats up the principal. Makes you long for the days of shooting little pieces of paper with rubber bands | (92) |
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Bottle of whisky corked when Queen Victoria was 30 years old sells for $60,000 | (72) |
| (Some Trekker Guy) |  |
Twenty years ago, "Star Trek: The Next Generation" was first broadcast | (386) |
Fri September 28, 2007
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these rock n' roll pirates | (66) |
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Binge drinking can haunt you years later. 18 years later to be precise | (78) |
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Boy arrested and charged with grievous bodily harm after shooting a little piece of paper at a classmate with a rubber band | (94) |
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Federal Government shuts down Netbank, first bank closed in six years. Gov't takes all of subby's money with it. Ah well, it's only money, right? | (176) |
| (Gothamist) | |
Ugly ass baby walrus born at New York Aquarium, demands bukket (w/pic) | (80) |
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Chester Arthur called "person of interest" in sex assault case. James Garfield, Grover Cleveland unavailable for comment | (60) |
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Suburban Chicago school bans hugging, principal says "hug lines" in hallways create bottlenecks | (88) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Police find toddler depicted in sex tape, says she's "safe" | (432) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Mutinies reported in the Burmese Army following the brutal crackdown on pro-democracy activists | (184) |
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Michigan Closed: Clark Griswold seen taking hostages, forcing them to experience Michigan's lovely roads | (172) |
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San Diego Area Fark Party tomorrow night (9/29) from 7 - ??? at Hensley's Pub in Carlsbad. LA, OC, IE Farkers welcome | (103) |
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Balls of steel award: Man sets new speed record of 130.7 MPH. On a mountain bike | (118) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Your mother dies of cancer. Do you: a) Get on with your life, b) Get angry at god, or c) Walk across the country to raise money for cancer research? | (81) |
| (barstool sports) | |
Injured Bills TE Kevin Everett is doing good. Really, really good. And someone is getting really really fired | (132) |
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Not news: high school kids have sex. News: father finds out, beats up daughter's boyfriend in front of everyone at school. Fark: kid now charged with sex assault | (337) |
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Woman trapped in SUV found alive in ravine after 8 days missing. She "didn't fit the criteria of a missing person" so the police wouldn't search for her | (143) |
| (News & Observer) | |
Navin R. Johnson is crushed: AT&T wants to scrap the white pages | (111) |
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Not news: Nickelodeon trying to teach kids about healthy exercise. News: By going off the air for 3 hours on Saturday, hoping the little fatties will actually go outside | (196) |
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Excessive multivitamins may be harmful. Fred Flintstone unavailable for comment | (74) |
| (Shiny Sheet) | |
What would you call a giant inflatable firefighter? Palm Beach Fire Rescue's newest member "desperately needs a name." VE | (105) |
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Handcuffed? Check. In police custody? Check. Driving back across the border in handcuffs? Chec...wait, what? | (85) |
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Psychologist suggests that teaching your children to drink responsibly at home will curtail binge drinking. MADD stampede | (175) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Schools that have animal mascots encourage people to torture and kill their pets | (136) |
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Minneapolis International Airport to spend $1 million to install bathroom stall dividers to halt airport "liaisons" | (107) |
| (Some Gal) | |
Theme: Seven deadly sins. Today's sin: LUST | (121) |
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Latest scare "trend" offered by the media: More iPods means more crime. Drew's gonna be able to write a sequel | (46) |
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The LA Times used the phrase "knife fight" to trick you into reading this story, but subby is confident "competitive table setting" will also work | (42) |
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Man finds $100,000 hidden in his attic. Now the former owner of the home wants the cash. Guess which state? | (216) |
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The 3,492nd "al-Qaida #2" in Iraq has been killed | (268) |
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Buckingham Palace guard makes a rude gesture. The Sun is there | (89) |
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11 things you can do with or without your pants on while sitting in traffic gridlock | (84) |
| (charleston daily mail) | |
Don't engage anyone in conversation in Huntington, WV., as police will charge you with soliciting prostitution | (75) |
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Latest female teacher arrested for having sex with 16-year-old student brought to you by Saga prefecture | (115) |
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Apparently you're not supposed to lock a 3-year-old in a daycare overnight | (67) |
| (N-E-X-T-G-E-N) | |
Northern Ireland Gay Rights Association angered by offensive word "lesbo" being included in Scrabble game for Nintendo system. If anyone is an authority about offensive content, it's those NIGRs | (174) |
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Many never have cholesterol levels tested. Subby got tested. They found bacon. BACON | (115) |
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Department of Homeland Security’s latest instruction manual on “How to derail a train with hazardous materials” is now available on their website | (82) |
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"In the matter of non-lethal suppression, let it be known that the motion carries to continue tasing both bro and sis, subject to official discretion" | (106) |
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Bosendorfer donates second grand piano to music festival after idiot movers drop the first one off the truck (with pic) | (73) |
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KOVR has live streaming video footage of the possible high school shooting | (231) |
| (Some Totally Wasted Guy) | |
Columbus, Ohio Linuxfest FARK Party tonight 6pm til late at Barley's Brewing Company. Drew will be there. The bar is getting renamed "FARKIN" Friday tonight | (64) |
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If you want to practice your golf swing in your hotel room, make sure there are no free swinging objects above you | (44) |
| (ChicoER) | |
Possible high school shooting in Southern California | (110) |
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"High value" suspects at Gitmo to be allowed lawyers. Low value people who aren't a threat and don't have any substantial evidence against them to remain languishing indefinitely | (217) |
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I saw a two-headed turtle | (81) |
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Anheuser-Busch attempting to purchase and shut down brewery in its namesake Czech town. "The truth is that I would have to quit drinking beer altogether. Better that than to drink some slop" | (204) |
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Death row inmate concerned about possible pain from the lethal injection, not so concerned about pain he caused by shooting his parents multiple times | (290) |
| (hedonistic heathen) | |
If you have a nun fetish, hop in your TARDIS and go back to 1400 Venice. Sister Giggity had some low cut habits | (130) |
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Irish pleased with results of smoking ban. Now they can have one drink in each hand | (217) |
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Gawker writer thinks it's totally awesome to write scathing attack on 4 year-old child. You stay classy, Gawker | (229) |
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Massachusetts government employees are now required to join unions, unless they don't need their kneecaps any more | (164) |
| (Some Sadist) | |
Jones Soda goes from having fun with its fans to outright hating them: Say hello to sweat and dirt flavored soda | (155) |
| (Times Herald Record) | |
When the school policy says, "No bags in the halls," the one that you wear on your head is no exception, even if you're otherwise naked | (83) |
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When your house collapses and sends you falling into a pool of cyanide, you know it's just not your day | (87) |
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Massachusetts plans to ban people from smoking at home | (469) |
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Arrest order for Interpol head could lead to serious flight delays for Morgan Freeman (pic) | (75) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Student mails his mother $266.67 to improve her looks before she meets his rich girlfriend | (86) |
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Orlando cops to start carrying machine guns. What could possibly go wrong? | (185) |
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Liz Taylor going for husband #9. In other news, Liz Taylor is still alive | (82) |
| (Some Bloke) | |
Medicine has come so far since then. "According to the stories, he amputated a man's testicles by mistake, cut the fingers off his assistant and the coat tails off the man behind him--all three men died" | (40) |
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Man carps about nearly losing finger in fishious pike attack. The Sun catches the story | (69) |
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Chim chiminy, chim chiminy, chim chim cheroo, Oktoberfest reveller gets stuck in a flue | (44) |
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Why scaffolding firms should really check the address BEFORE they erect loads of poles and planks around an old lady's house | (20) |
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Willy Wonka: Dealing, my dear friends, is 93% evasion, 6% off-grid electricity, 4% pure cocoa, and 2% Vancouver hydro. Special Agent Teevee: That's 105 percent, and 5 to 9 years | (90) |
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News: Woman wrongly accused of theft of £0.12 released. Fark: 70 years later | (113) |
| (WMTW.com) | |
Four firefighters from Vermont use the 'Jaws of Life' to go on a vandalism spree | (51) |
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In order to defend religious freedom, morality police will arrest anybody seen eating in public | (160) |
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Old and busted: Banning nuts from schools because they are a health and safety hazard to kids with severe allergies. The new hotness: Banning severely allergic kids | (258) |
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Your chance to buy a supersonic paper plane | (15) |
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British hookers complain that soccer games are bad for their business as British men would rather watch other men play with sweaty balls than ... well, you get where we're going with this | (108) |
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190,000 people who couldn't get into a First World country now immigrating to Britain each year | (60) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Morans who fill their cars with premium gas "are being conned" | (286) |
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Scotsman wanders into hospital close to death after a 60 pint bender. Amateur | (88) |
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Twenty racing loos are flush with excitement in the Queensland town of Winton today as they prepare to participate in the Australian Dunny Derby | (16) |
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The five most commonly misdiagnosed diseases. At least we know it's never lupus | (78) |
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It is now illegal to smoke while driving in the Nanny State | (124) |
| (Huffington Post) |  |
Sen. Larry Craig is back in the Senate. His first official act? To vote against a bill protecting homosexuals | (332) |
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New guidelines for doctors mean they won't have to tell parents if under-age children are sexually active or have an abortion. In fact, children will be in charge of all their healthcare decisions | (169) |
| (Some Disco Inferno) | |
Photoshop these "Fashion" models from a 1975 JC Penney catalog | (98) |
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¡Ay, caramba! Another hurricane forms off Mexico | < |