Sun September 02, 2007
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Remember that hottie's lost camera and the Facebook campaign to find it? Yeah, it was a porn publicity stunt | (86) |
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What is the black private hole, that makes the girls lose all control? MINE SHAFT, you damn right | (68) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
"But you promised that you wouldn't give any tickets for the first thirty days" whines man busted by a new speed camera while driving 110mph | (38) |
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LA turns 226 on Sunday... But can still pass for 115 thanks to all the work it's had done | (52) |
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If at first you don't succeed, crash crash again | (28) |
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Under the wheels of a tractor trailer is a very bad place to take a nap | (41) |
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Wildlife agencies express concern that the number of hunters are falling, will stop issuing hunter-hunting licenses to deer and elk for a while | (56) |
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Bargaining with Wiccan gods earns man $32M after taxes | (93) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Man arrested for not showing receipt in Circuit City | (584) |
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Swedish punks riot in Copenhagen over closure of youth center, saying that just because the city owned the building doesn't mean they had any right to sell it | (58) |
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For English, press 1. For Spanish, beat the hell out of this checkout terminal with the crowbar you are trying unsuccessfully to purchase | (109) |
| (Some Proletariat Guy) |  |
What if Stalin had Photoshop? Link goes to examples of what he managed to do without it | (57) |
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A running toilet is tackled by a security guard at a Colorado college football game in an attempt to promote water conservation by fixing running toilets. No, seriously. With a picture | (69) |
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Show us your papers, or you won't be allowed to help these disaster victims, because we all know that only government-approved first response to a disaster is effective | (153) |
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North Korea has agreed to declare and disable all its nuclear programs by the end of this year, so we can focus on attacking Iran | (77) |
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4.7 Earthquake shakes up Orange County, CA | (171) |
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This is what happens when you give your little brat whatever she wants: little girl asks parents for sibling, now has to share her toys with six of 'em | (114) |
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Russia plans to put a man on the moon. Still no cure for totalitarian oppression | (160) |
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Female ghostbusters from S.P.I.R.I.T.S. are ready to believe you | (88) |
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Fox News: The President might just be crazy enough to "annihilate the Iranians’ military capability in three days" | (1078) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man finds out he's been upgraded from "Detroit resident" to "Dead" | (66) |
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Theme: If Canadians ruled the world... | (101) |
| (WMTW.com) | |
Police are on the lookout for two people who almost destroyed a sand castle being built to raise money for a camp for terminally ill children and their families | (127) |
| (Lafollette Press) |  |
There once was a man named Viener, accused of showing his wiener. Despite being a jerk, the cops botched their work, and dismissed it as a misdemeanor | (32) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
When somebody who has emphysema and uses an oxygen tank just has to have a cigarette at 7:15 in the morning, something bad is bound to happen | (70) |
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Today's unusual crime article brought to you by a brick, a game of cricket, a heart attack, and five preteen gang members | (42) |
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The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences is trying to stop a woman from selling an Oscar from 1929. They want her to sell it to them for $10 | (102) |
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Caption this photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin with a sturgeon | (77) |
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Yonkers police go bonkers on guy walking a pit bull, for no apparent reason. Brutality claim ensues (w/beatdown caught on video) | (122) |
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South Korean farmers are playing classical songs to make their rice crops grow faster | (25) |
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"This fly came buzzing down past the lens and the gust from its wings blew the chap off his tightrope" | (43) |
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"Angry Italians to go on national pasta strike" | (52) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Max the goldfish and his myspace site both afloat, one bellyup | (42) |
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College kids who can't figure out which bathroom to use now have a third choice. And no, it isn't the shrubs outside the dorm | (247) |
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Lottery winners really have it rough these days, because they probably can't get what they want with only a quarter-share of $330,000,000 | (99) |
| (Some Guy) | |
British police have been given permission to use tasers on children. It's about time the little ankle-biting chavs learn some respect | (44) |
| (New Britain Herald) | |
After bizarre traffic stop involving a 7-month-old puppy, a gun in his pocket, OxyContin and a samurai sword, motorist tells reporter that he's lonely | (21) |
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When police come to see you about your reckless driving do you A) cooperate civilly, B) request a lawyer or C) Refuse a breathalyzer and then show 'em your wang | (39) |
| (Geek Alerts) | |
If you install a dimmer switch on your new Starship Enterprise Chandelier, Warp 9 is theoretically possible | (110) |
| (Some Tfette) | |
Photoshop these fetal butterflies | (47) |
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Red Sox rookie throws a no-hitter in his second start. But it was against the Baltimore Orioles, so it doesn't really count | (230) |
| (Some Lolcat) | |
Caption this printer repair kitty | (114) |
Sat September 01, 2007
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Maggie Gyllenhaal is not your typical sex symbol, yet Agent Provocateur has picked her for its saucy new campaign. Why? Because she appeals to women, too | (168) |
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You're a tribal chieftain in India and your teenage son is killed by a snakebite? No problem - just order a bunch of women to be beheaded for witchcraft. It's good to be the chieftain | (54) |
| (KELO) | |
"Hey everybody, watch this" | (89) |
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Having solved cancer and the Middle East issues, the newest debate is over backpacks vs. messenger bags | (60) |
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Sleeping under the influence now illegal in New Jersey | (228) |
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Quite possibly the biggest gathering of beards since the Republican Senators' wives congress invited Katie Holmes to speak as their guest of honor | (101) |
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Nobody likes to gawk at an airshow crash, but when the pictures are this amazingly good, you can't help it | (172) |
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News: Six-foot shark swims to shore on crowded beach. Fark: In Queens | (70) |
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Pencils made in China recalled due to high lead levels | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not news: three men rob a store. News: dressed as women. Fark: two of the three drop everything they grabbed right outside the store while making a frilly getaway | (12) |
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Felix the Cat 1. The wonderful, wonderful Cat 1. Whenever he gets on some land, he reaches down and kills a man | (35) |
| (Napa Valley Register) | |
If your name is Ogle, maybe you shouldn't be hanging around and videotaping teens without their consent | (32) |
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"If you just cut your lawn with a gas mower, congratulations, you just put out more pollution in one hour than these cars do in 2,000 miles of driving" What's the catch? They're illegal in most states | (200) |
| (Murfreesboro Post) | |
Woman tries to buy beer with bad check, is denied by clerk. Woman tells clerk she'll get another form of payment, then runs out with the beer, forgetting that the clerk is still holding the check with her personal information on it. Oops | (28) |
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Who says prostitutes are the only ones who get arrested at work? | (119) |
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Federal appeals court rules that Michigan Liquor Control Commission has no right to ban nude dancers, since the Supreme Court ruled that nude dancing is “expressive conduct.” Giggity | (32) |
| (Telegraph Journal) | |
Some UFO enthusiasts are loons, true. But not many of them are nuclear physicists that are experts in nuclear aircraft fission, fusion rockets and power plants for space travel | (133) |
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"We suspect she took both her weapon and her husband's penis because we cannot find the penis in their apartment. We even checked a toilet but she did not dump it there" | (65) |
| (Some Tfette) | |
Photoshop this highlander | (68) |
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Lloyd Carr breaks new ground, chokes at the BEGINNING of the season as unranked Appalachian State upsets #5 Michigan | (374) |
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Woman who cancelled flight because of Arabic speaking passengers explains her side of the story. Bubble wrap for her children included | (300) |
| (Some High Guy) | |
Teens who use drugs are five times as likely to get laid, according to theantidrug.com. How exactly is that a deterrent to drug use? | (212) |
| (WHOI News) | |
Connecticut woman served with lawsuit for causing death of her neighbor by lying to her husband, who murdered the neighbor, about neighbor molesting their daughter. The Aristocrats | (91) |
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"To sit in your car on a sweltering summer evening on the main street of Nub City...watching anywhere from eight to a dozen cripples walking along the street, gives the place a ghoulish, eerie atmosphere" | (46) |
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Not News: Man wakes up in patio chair of neighbor he doesn't know. News: His pants are missing. Fark: The pants with a $41,000 cashier's check in them | (35) |
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Washington D.C. firemen, jealous over all of the illicit sex Washington politicians are getting, decide to open a prostitution ring run out of a D.C. fire station | (33) |
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Genital facelifts can be hazardous to your health | (87) |
| (WOODtv.com) | |
Car wash's hot wax, tire cleaner, and spotless rinse work great. "Touch-free" feature, not so much | (54) |
| (Some Impressed Guy) | |
Three homeless people pull 93-year-old woman from burning car. Some are calling them heroes, but they were really just cleaning out their bathroom | (25) |
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Houston is so fat. How fat is it? Houston is so fat, the zoo fields several calls a week from the hospital to borrow the large animal medical scans for fatass patients | (167) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Women have no choice but to go insane at some point in their lives | (170) |
| (The Facts) | |
It is now a felony in Texas if you don't stop and render aid at a car accident. Ironically, another new law made it legal to shoot anyone approaching your car | (137) |
| (Orlando Sentinel) | |
Man refuses to support "Satan's banking system," prints own money | (87) |
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Mothers and babies in British maternity ward showered in maggots from dead seagull on roof of hospital. How you liking that socialized medicine now? | (105) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
I've got a fast boat, Gonna take it on the lake and have some fun, I've got a fast boat, Gonna take it on the lake and kill someone, kill someone, kill someone | (53) |
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"Gang of girls" is roaming the streets forcing teenaged girls to strip naked | (107) |
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Connecticut man building 17,000 square foot home. With a 33,500 square foot basement complex | (135) |
| (Orlando Sentinel) | |
Florida takes yet another step into the dark ages as Catholic Bishop forces cancellation of school play | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this superbad superkick | (74) |
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Teenager charged with smoking pot with the child she was babysitting. Bonus...she posted a picture of it on her MySpace page. (w/blurred out picture) | (141) |
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Driver rescues two teenage girls being chased by strange "sweaty guy" | (89) |
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Iowa remembers it's a Red State and halts gay marriages | (348) |
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Firemen heroically rescue a stuck feline just in time for Caturday | (352) |
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Man caught video taping himself masturbating on the grass, claims "that's kind of what happens when I drink" | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man shows up at court drunk at 8:20 in the morning, proceeds to stumble around and get himself arrested. Oh yeah, he didn't actually have trial, he just showed up. Bonus: His name is Busch | (22) |
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Britain finally runs out of news. Does this baby seem hairy to you? | (67) |
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Photoshop this kid scooting past lockers | (46) |
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"Mom, can I give you a hug?" BZZZFFTTT | (57) |
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Coolest pic of a dragon built out of one million Lego blocks that you'll see today | (108) |
| (Bad Science) | |
Remember that team of Cambridge mathematicians which proved Jessica Alba had the perfect wiggle? Well, it was a PR stunt, there was no team, and Jessica Alba doesn't really have the perfect wiggle | (112) |
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Teenage male prostitutes and transvestites in Thailand battle with clubs, knives and Molotov cocktails in three-day "gay war." It was apparently a heated dispute. Flaming, even (pic) | (76) |
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Come out to California, have a few drinks, get gored by a bison, we'll have a few laughs | (39) |
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New study shows most Americans are satisfied with their jobs. Wait, what? | (112) |
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Chupa, chup, chup-acabra. I wanna reach out and grab ya | (120) |
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Dubya's wife / to Ban Ki-moon / opens her mouth / and lowers the boom / Burma Save | (94) |
Fri August 31, 2007
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"Figures suggest that Britain is undergoing a pet obesity epidemic." Your dog wants steak, a baked potato topped with sour cream and bacon, onions fried in butter and a side of bacon | (51) |
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Search for trapped Utah miners suspended: "We've done all we can do" | (102) |
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Today's 37-year-old man busted for having sex with a 15-year-old girl he met online is brought to you by St. Petersburg. With "I'm about to crap my pants" mugshot goodness | (203) |
| (wbir.com) | |
Criminal gives police the finger. Literally | (27) |
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Searchers think they have found a sunken WWII submarine in the Bering Sea, hope it doesn't turn out to be an optical Aleutian | (74) |
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Lexus dealer refuses to sell man a new car because he's Canadian | (138) |
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Not News: Daycare center closed. News: It was run by a 9th grader. Fark: Police also found nails protruding from the floors, electrical wires protruding from walls, piles of filth, garbage, mosquito larvae, and a toddler playing with a socket | (68) |
| (WTVD11) | |
Nifong sentenced to ONE day for contempt. Duke still sucks | (66) |
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Finnish farmers frantically follow fuzzy fugitives freed from fur farm (foto) | (46) |
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And now from the random news file: The guy who was Keanu Reeves' stunt double in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" has built a custom motorcycle that looks like a prehistoric tiger | (67) |
| (Lodi News-Sentinel) | |
Neighbor of the year candidates call three government agencies and then file lawsuit to stop dust resulting from girl riding her horse | (134) |
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Photoshop this golden jogger | (79) |
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Senator Larry Craig (R-eallynotgay) to resign tomorrow | (398) |
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Germany's biggest synagogue to reopen. Home Depot opens a 24-hour windowpane replacement service across the street | (105) |
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Houston school police officer distributed "Ghetto Handbook" that will enable the reader to speak Ebonics "as if you just came out of the hood." This is going to end well | (326) |
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Boy suspended for toy gun accidently left in backpack. He said it was unloaded, but if it was from China it was probably full of lead anyway | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The top 10 influential albums that bombed | (261) |
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William Lee got out of his truck, he left it in gear, and soon he was struck. T'was hit by the door, and fell to the floor, and the last word that he said was Fark | (54) |
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Not news: Someone at your party gets whacked out on coke and valium. News: badly enough to require medical treatment. Fark: It's your 8 month old kitten | (84) |
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Unlike the three hundred and twenty designs proposed before, THIS electric car means the end of the internal combustion engine | (162) |
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Robbers underestimate hi-tech home defense system of trailer park residents. Beatings, shotgun fire, jailarity ensues | (35) |
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"Prime Minister names 17, some directly affected, to mental health board" | (34) |
| (MLive) | |
Female dispatcher at center of police sex scandal, was forced to quit while she was on top | (63) |
| (WGAL) | |
You may know more than a fifth grader, but can you outdrink a fourth grader? | (60) |
| (sbsun.com) |  |
If an inmate just sits on his bed, but doesn't eat, lift weights or use the head, he's not on a diet, just relaxing or quiet, you might want to check if he's dead | (35) |
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Funniest mug shot of a kid who tried to steal stuff from Wal-Mart that you'll see all day | (150) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Mother of the year candidate charged with felony abuse after two-year old daughter takes ecstasy, dances incessantly for hours | (84) |
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Egyptian students with pipe bombs, doo-dah. Doo-dah. Caught right near a Naval base, oh de doo-dah day | (104) |
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Canada slowly transitioning from America's parking lot to America's backup generator | (76) |
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Top five worst game-based films picked: What video game would you turn into a movie? (voting enabled) | (546) |
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Today's "look who got caught editing their own Wikipedia entry" story is brought to you by the Dutch royal family | (53) |
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"The only moon landing in history is NASA's Apollo expedition in 1968" | (146) |
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Hungry sinkhole eats family's refrigerator (with pics) | (72) |
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Drivers take heed: Saying "I feel comfortable driving naked" will not get you off the hook when you're pulled over | (45) |
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Foul language from the sky could repair pants | (92) |
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Ever fantasized about ramming a police station with a bulldozer? This guy lived the dream. Repeatedly | (77) |
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"To my son, I leave the pleasure of earning a living, which he had not done in 35 years" and other wills | (143) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Five mistakes married women make. Dooming the relationship by cutting the hubby off from sex is conspicuously absent from the list | (434) |
| (Charleston.net) | |
Seven words you probably don't want to hear when waking up on a lawn in a thunderstorm: "Greg, are you okay? Your hat's smoking" | (46) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Hey, wanna see me and my cement truck take this corner on two wheels?" | (34) |
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In a gross misapplication of Stockholm Syndrome, South Korean hostage apologizes for being captured | (45) |
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Pastor to his daughters: "Let's have sex so you can become good wives." Daughters: "No." Pastor: "Oh, I incest" | (289) |
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Judge allows astronaut Lisa Nowak to remove monitoring bracelet. Will she go crazy and drive across the country again? Depends | (47) |
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Elementary school teacher challenges firing, saying he downloaded child and transgender porn on school computers as a joke | (50) |
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Canadian police urge beer-keg registry system to curb underage drinking, ask why people would have a problem with police showing up at their parties if they have nothing to hide. Seriously | (107) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Third-grade teacher in trouble for bringing drugs to school. Apparently, she didn't bring enough for everyone | (33) |
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If your idea of a fun time is getting set on fire and hit by a car, does New York City have a school for you | (18) |
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"I can fly a spacecraft to any planet in the galaxy, and I'm being judged by people who don't have a clue as to my technical qualifications whether I'm suitable for government service" | (242) |
| (Daily Herald) | |
Jar containing a piece of tissue from body of John Wilkes Booth will be on display in lobby when the musical "Assassins" opens in Philadelphia. Submitter wonders why it's not going to be in the balcony | (37) |
| (McClatchy) | |
Those lead toys were imported, from C-H-I-N-A / The other guy responsible is D-U-B-Y-A / The CPSC stayed away, and if you ask me why I'll say / Cause corporate lobbies have their way with A-M-E-R-I-C-A | (254) |
| (orange.co.uk) | |
Wife cuts off her husband's right hand because of his Internet addiction | (69) |
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According to an interrogation room audiotape released by police, Senator Larry Craig (R-Estroom) claims cop solicited him. Craig also claims that he's not gay but all the men that he has had sex with are | (166) |
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Pakistan's President Musharraf is "keeping his options open." Translation: "I'm ready to haul ass out of the country the moment the coup happens" | (19) |
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Three U.S. senators and one congressman receive special going-away gift for delegation visiting Iraq: Ground fire, evasive maneuvers | (128) |
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Hippies attending Burning Man complain that festival has lost touch with its roots, pointing to a number of attendees who regularly bathe and have jobs | (124) |
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Old and busted: Selling an entire bridge in New York. New hotness: Stealing an entire bridge in Russia | (26) |
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New study shows a home with mold in it can make you sad. In related news, a home with drunk, naked nymphomaniac cheerleaders will make you happy | (54) |
| (myTELUS) | |
Can I get an order of burnt lion's head with a side of the temple explodes the chicken, and throw in an order of steamed crap? | (56) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Victim of mauling proposes to girlfriend at the hospital. Despite the grizzly circumstances, they could bearly contain their joy | (51) |
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One foot, two foot; dead foot, blue foot | (55) |
| (Metro.co.uk) | |
Police uncover a whole new class of armed robbery | (29) |
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Thousands of people join new Facebook group to help reunite woman with digital camera she apparently lost. When you see the pics of her, you'll join too | (372) |
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Remember the English farktard who was last on Fark for feeding a live zoo rabbit to an alligator? He's now graduated to yanking headscarves off Muslim women on the street (with pic of dumbass) | (231) |
| (Some Indiana Guy) | |
Prosecutor states it may be true that drunk young men do stupid things, "but stupid is not a defense in this court." Note to self: "Work on a new defense" | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's "image of the Virign Mary" story comes to you from a garage door in Pennsylvania (with pics) | (193) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Intoxicated mother insists to police that it's okay her five-year old son was driving her around, because he's a really good driver. Bonus: Three-year old brother was in the backseat | (46) |
| (MaineToday) | |
"Not Everyone in the World is a Self-Centered Asshat" award goes to this guy, who bought a house to keep a family of 10 from becoming homeless | (153) |
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Mrs. Tennessee America bitten by rattlesnake, saved by Mrs. Iowa. Luckily, no map reading was required | (110) |
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"So let me get this straight: You want me to pay back the $14 million I stole from the bank?" | (44) |
| (Some Tooth Yanker) | |