Sun August 19, 2007
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The nation's hip-hop community embraces Barack Obama, dubs him "B-Rock" -- which is sure to go over well with Iowa voters | (30) |
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Senator from NJ, apparently with no other worthwhile things to do, proposes a Bon Jovi song as the state's official song | (25) |
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Carbon monoxide leak sends Virginia Tech students to hospital, sparks pro-CO nuts to call for all students to be armed with CO tanks so they can defend themselves | (76) |
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European survey says Americans are the second best tourists overall .... also the shabbiest dressers and most likely to complain. Worst overall you ask? The French | (107) |
| (Post Chronicle) |  |
Florida woman unexpectedly leaves 60's singer Connie Francis $300,000 in her will. Then it gets weird | (49) |
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Today's "Man shoots self in the yambag while fleeing police" story brought to you by the nation's most republican state | (66) |
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Old Scam: Nigerian Banks. New Scam: Buried gold, repeating the Rosary, building an altar to a pagan god and laying $45k on it all | (38) |
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Man buys a medical clinic and decides to start playing doctor. Jailarity ensues | (30) |
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Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Chef Gordon Ramsay | (45) |
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Rare 10-foot long Florida crocodile considered somewhat of a neighborhood mascot ..... until he decided to turn a boxer from a resident's backyard into a quick lunch | (80) |
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Elvira Arellano, the illegal immigrant who has been holed up in a Chicago church since last year and took her activism to the road this week, gets arrested | (258) |
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It's nothing your wife doesn't tell you six times a week, but scientific poll finds women regret their choice of spouse more than men, with one in five wishing they could go back in time and marry someone else | (206) |
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Restaurant manager tries to bribe state inspector with cash and gold teeth. ''This woman, the inspector, she doesn't have good teeth. Some were missing,'' Jailarity ensues | (11) |
| (El Passo Times) |  |
Man stabbed at Hiney's restaurant makes his way 4½ miles to a Hooter's restaurant seeking medical help. Apparently all of the other female anatomy restaurants between Hiney's and Hooter's were already closed for the night | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
World's oldest blob of chewing gum found in Finland. This article would be just fine without pictures of a 5,000-year-old chunk of Juicy Fruit, but they're there | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"A show called Circus Of Horrors lived up to its name when a dwarf accidentally glued his penis to a vacuum cleaner" | (77) |
| (KSL.com) | |
911 Operator: "I know where you are." 7yr old: (giggles) "No you don't" | (127) |
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BBC decides to stop calling Jesus a B.A.S.T.A.R.D. - Jesus' dad unavailable for comment as he's too busy smiting BBC officials | (128) |
| (Some Guy) | |
There has been a "disturbing rise" in pirate attacks. Global warming nay-sayers frantically searching for new statistical strawman | (97) |
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Boiled octopus, goose barnacles, and $160 per pound ham make it clear that the Spanish don't want people eating there | (76) |
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Grog, porn bans begin next week and the pirate community is all "aaargh" over it | (93) |
| (Sunday Herald) | |
In an effort to create a vehicle less safe than China's Chery, India's Tata Motors to produce a $2,400 plastic car | (123) |
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Former monk on path to become Army's first Buddhist chaplain. Where is your karma now? | (105) |
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The Department of Justice wants movie producers to give them an official list of every porn star in America, complete with photos. Perverts | (189) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Half of all cats and dogs in the UK are now overweight and need to spend more time exercising and less time in LOL threads | (76) |
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Man complains when his heart stops after drinking eight Red Bulls. Dumbass tag thinks he should be happy it didn't explode | (170) |
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Psychiatrist: "Internet addiction should be grouped with extreme addictive disorders such as gambling, sex addiction and kleptomania" | (165) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop Karl Rove's future after leaving the White House | (73) |
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That monster ad, for that monster job you've been searching for on that monster job search website? Really a monster trojan that stole a monster amount of identities for monster hackers | (49) |
| (F'burg.com) | |
Why is it news when a waitress calls in to a talk show to laud the minimum wage hike? | (209) |
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You know who else likes champagne? | (79) |
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More proof that kids today have it made | (63) |
| (Chattanoogan) |  |
Violent protestor disrupts anti-tax "tea party" in a vicious attack with... a water balloon. Handcuffalarity still ensued | (38) |
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Blogger gives props to Fark for number of hits and to Photoshoppers' skillz: "Think about the power that could be harnessed if this group was specifically organized and coordinated toward a common objective" | (106) |
| (Some Dobbs) |  |
Hottie SubGenius Mom gets her son back because the dad gets his third DUI | (154) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Inland hurricane hits Oklahoma. I-40 closed. 8-9 inches in parts of OKC. Seriously God, WTF? | (218) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The Utah miners are presumed dead. No signs of life are seen. Sadly, it seems will be left to die where they fell. Brave men, all. RIP | (178) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption this wedding shot | (104) |
| (palmbeachpost.com) | |
iChurch thinks using iPods will help get the iHeathens into iHeaven | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this long-jump landing | (39) |
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Australian woman humped to death | (151) |
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Saudis plan fence around Iraqi border, a 560-mile barricade designed to keep out extremists. No word yet on any effect it will have on migrant workers | (89) |
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If your diet drink tastes sharp and edgy it's probably because it has Chinese made aspartame mixed with metal shavings | (145) |
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The last rhinoceros in the Houston Zoo has died of old age. Feel free to snark, he had a pretty thick skin | (36) |
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Wayward parasail drags two teenage girls through second story hotel roof and across building before rope breaks, dropping them into palm tree, then another palm tree. No "Ta-Da" yet | (57) |
Sat August 18, 2007
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Baby carrots recalled due to faulty dirt | (71) |
| (My Plainview) | |
Prosecutor sleeps with mother of victim in one case and with mother of the defendant in another. Can't be more fair than that | (47) |
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Court in France Two orders school board to re-hire teacher, who was fired because he sorta, kinda forgot to tell the school board he is a convicted killer | (79) |
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Why do people look younger and younger all the time? Formaldehyde-rich spiderman pajamas from China | (98) |
| (Some Clog) | |
Photoshop this giant clog | (63) |
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TV show will feature Muslims lecturing Christians they're all wrong about Jesus and he was never crucified | (338) |
| (WebUrbanist) | |
Google Street View moves to new cities, catches new lurkers, gawkers, and unbelievably obese people ... oh and OJ Simpson sharpening knives | (58) |
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Medicare will no longer pay for hospital mistakes, invokes "you broke it, you bought it" policy | (82) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman arrested after taking her boyfriend for unwilling ride on roof of her Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder | (34) |
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Seven-alarm fire erupts at Deutsche Bank, NYC Ground Zero. Two firefighters critically injured | (264) |
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If you see your neighbor being led away by the police, don't walk over and offer $50 for all the meth | (33) |
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Colorado officials amazed to be flooded with complaints after removing a bullet-ridden road sign with a typo | (71) |
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When planning the perfect murder, using a rattlesnake, DON'T TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT | (36) |
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Girl: "Umm guys, I think a shark just bit me..." Guys: "Yeah, ri - SWEET BABY JESUS - where's the rest of your side?" | (80) |
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Today's sighting of Virgin Mary brought to you by a dripping vat of chocolate. No, really [w/video report] | (84) |
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Shakespeare's plays being rewritten as comic strips for pretards who find his poetry boring | (164) |
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Weirdest things found in hotel room include "a dirty adult diaper" and "my girlfiend ... while I was with someone else." 9.2% of survey respondents had also "rented hotel room by the hour" | (69) |
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Telephone company puts woman on hold for a total of twenty hours. In other news, woman with apparently too much time on her hands stays on her phone while being put on hold for twenty hours | (45) |
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"Beer goggles" stop teens from drunk-driving, cause them to wake up with that pudgy cashier from the Piggly-Wiggly and a strange genital itch | (44) |
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Subjects of a 1930's experiment called "The Monster Study" that attempted to induce stuttering in children through harassment awarded $925,000 each in damages. Psychologists at Stanford seen looking nervous | (113) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man suffering from a stroke gets left on a bench at the Orlando airport for three days before anyone figures out something is wrong | (54) |
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Spencer Tunick strikes again: Hundreds pose naked on Swiss glacier, against that global warming thingie(w/micro-nudity) | (75) |
| (NY Times) | |
It's simply stunning that parents of children who participated in a no-supervision child reality show are suggesting that their children were injured due to a lack of supervision | (98) |
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Best. perp. name. ever | (317) |
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American Airlines is the latest company to claim you can't search for them unless you're searching for them, and so no one else can either so there | (78) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's Iron Photoshop ingredient: Weathervanes | (44) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
Couple celebrates 50th anniversary at burger place of their first date. Today, the date would've made him a sex offender | (126) |
| (NBC13) | |
Want to get on TV? In a newspaper? On a billboard? In Birmingham, AL you will soon be able to pay for this service and all you have to do is offer the nice lady standing on the corner a few bucks | (59) |
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Detroit may have finally figured out how to get people to come back - build more casinos. Private police force still being debated | (49) |
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Owner calls SPCA to unload pet he can no longer care for - "This spider is so aggressive, it will bite you just to bite you. This is the kind of spider that nightmares are made of." Suck it, clock spider | (217) |
| (Wvgazette.com) |  |
Satan purchases ad space to vent his frustration with local church (w/photo) | (446) |
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Public defender jailed for attempting to properly represent his client. Apparently forgot PDs aren't supposed to try | (95) |
| (Lubbock Online) | |
Fight in a gun store? That's a stabbin' (w/ scariest mugshot you'll ever see) | (104) |
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Michael Vick in legal trouble again. When will the insanity end? | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this shoe | (67) |
| (NBC 5) | |
I can has parachute? Cat survives 18-story fall | (397) |
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When a crocodile eats a shark, The Sun is there (pics) | (52) |
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I'd hit it, but somebody else already did. The Smoking Gun presents a black eye mugshot gallery | (110) |
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Plane hijacked in Turkey by self-proclaimed al Qaida members, passengers reportedly released. Pilot asks hijacker if he's ever been in a Turkish prison | (182) |
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Popular evangelist explains why his followers don't mind donating money to him: "They believe that God heals and they want to see something like this go on. They also understand it takes money to rent stadiums." | (176) |
| (Orlando Sentinel) | |
Police offer free shoes for unwanted guns, get over 250 guns and a missile launcher. Forget it Jake, it's Florida | (152) |
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State provides a self-medicating morphine pump for inmate in a wheelchair with MS who was sentenced to 25 years for illegally possessing 100 percocets that he was using to self-medicate his chronic pain | (159) |
| (WJLA-7) | |
Megamillions closing in on $150 million, Powerball jackpot hits $210 million -- never has Rev. Jack's misery been so within reach to so many | (56) |
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The Eiffel Tower and the Mona Lisa voted "most disappointing tourist attractions". Sacre bleu | (213) |
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Nearly 200 missing after flood overtakes mine in China. Trifecta complete | (59) |
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Photoshop these old guys walking | (83) |
Fri August 17, 2007
| (News-Press) | |
Ugly-ass baby jaguar finally makes it's public debut at the Brevard Zoo (pics) | (54) |
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If you're in Harlem and you see Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Kirstie Alley walking your way, turn around and run | (81) |
| (myfoxDC) |  |
Two female prison guards charged with sleeping with inmate. Mugshots remind us just how fake those Skinemax movies are | (95) |
| (Nat'l Hurricane Center) | |
Hurricane Dean upgraded to Category Four, continues with Jamaican vacation | (205) |
| (Some Hairball) | |
Artist creates art out of seven and a half miles of human hair. ''I know it probably has some other meaning, When I think of it, I don't think of that other meaning. I just think of, like, hair.'' | (67) |
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The world's 25 most ridiculous laws. Some of them were not passed by the Bush administration | (182) |
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8-year-old girl afraid of hurricanes decides to leave her new home in Florida and ride her bike back to Ohio | (88) |
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Virginia is for gang bangers | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Two residents said they were scared to leave their home on the Fourth Of July because of their neighbor's fireworks. And since they don't like fireworks, the two argue that fireworks should be banned from the entire city | (56) |
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As if all the banking mistakes they make weren't enough, Bank Of America employees lock 73-year-old woman in branch office when they close up for the day | (36) |
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"This job has been such a pleasant surprise in how much I like it. I love it." | (227) |
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Hurricane threat may force Endeavour to land in Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and Florida earlier than planned | (212) |
| (Some Spiegel) | |
German made organic soda ready to take on the world, with flavors like elderberry, raspberry, and snozzberry. And the snozzberries really taste like snozzberries | (87) |
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Arkansas bill would allow children of any age, even toddlers, to wed with parental consent. State legislature says it's just a mistake in the wording. Suuuuuuuuure | (151) |
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Photoshop these citrus fruits | (89) |
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Is that the deadly radioactive isotope Polonium-210 in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? | (63) |
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Police across U.S. facing ammunition shortage because troops in Iraq are using up so much of the nation's strategic bullet reserve | (214) |
| (Some Moptop) | |
Man attempts robbery wearing a mop on his head. Stupid disguise trifecta in play | (38) |
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College kids everywhere alarmed by Instant Noodle price-fixing scandal. Who can afford 15 whole cents for lunch???? | (88) |
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One-stop shopping reaches logical extreme as police share space with doughnut shop | (31) |
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Bonds sold steroids to nuns, and hid the rest in the hollow portion of Hank Aaron's bat. The Smoking Gun is there | (102) |
| (The Olympian) | |
Paintballers allowed to redecorate auto yard before its scheduled demolition. (Bonus: Angry libs talking about promoting gun violence in comments section) | (139) |
| (KSL.com) | |
Federal mine-safety official says the underground search for six miners has been suspended indefinitely after deaths of three rescuers | (118) |
| (Some Glacier Surfer) | |
One good thing to come out of global warming: The glacial surfing is better than ever | (63) |
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If you can't stop yourself from sending voicemails that say "the only good Arab is a dead Arab" and "fark the Arabs... they will burn in hellfire," then perhaps senior U.S. diplomat is not the right career choice for you | (371) |
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FDA warns against feeding codeine to infants. Exhausted parents look longingly at the Sudafed bottle | (97) |
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Dutch priest fined for early morning church bell ringing. Points out that it's not uncommon for men to ring their bells first thing in the morning | (42) |
| (Metro) | |
Boy hooks a real big one while fishing. Unfortunately, it was a scuba diver. With awesome artist's representation of the event | (52) |
| (St. Clair Record) | |
Photographer sues church after walking on water | (85) |
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Man discovers alligator in creek while vacationing in Pennsylvania, does the only logical thing one can do in that situation: he dives in and wrestles that sucker | (64) |
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Could Abramoff's taint affect the '08 elections? Analysts say voters could go nuts over it, or it could slip through the cracks, but it'll likely be somewhere in between | (86) |
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Fark founder accuses FoxTV Memphis television reporter of hacking | (728) |
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Hurricane Dean prepares for Jamacia by upgrading to Category 3, mon | (102) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police replace normal air in their police car tires with nitrogen to save money, apparently not realizing that regular air is already mostly nitrogen | (215) |
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Five-year-old boy helps his mom deliver his baby sister. Luckily, he'll have lots of time to get that image out of his mind | (70) |
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Day Crew reminder: Indianapolis/GenCon Fark party, 8:00 p.m. tonight at Vito's on Penn. Drew will be there. LGT previous threads | (15) |
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"The Internet is the new Afghanistan" | (109) |
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If you think your friend is playing a prank by appearing to a rob store with a gun, you might want to make sure it's him before going up and grabbing him in playful manner | (30) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man sues McDonald's over bloody Band-Aid in food, even though it probably had more nutritional value than the burger | (71) |
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Torn from the front page of the Bangor Daily News: Reward offered for stolen blueberries | (50) |
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Chocolate is better than fluoride for your teeth. Suck it, Alcoa | (63) |
| (The Local) | |
Scotsman runs up $20,000 restaurant bill before finding there are no deep-fried Mars bars on the dessert menu. Refuses to pay. Jailarity ensues | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police: 1, crazy naked guy: 0 | (61) |
| (NY Sun) | |
Want to meet that hottie at the dog park but don't have a dog? No problem, simply rent a pet | (76) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
In honor of the 25th birthday of the compact disc: Can you remember the first CD you ever purchased? | (974) |
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WHO warns against Beijing pollution, urges people to carpool, ride magic bus | (63) |
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Man fights off bear with hunting knife, making your day at work seem even lamer than usual | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you're going to stage a shooting to frame your son for your attempted murder, don't leave a to-do list where the police can find it | (28) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
How these 11 nerds managed to score with the opposite sex is a mystery. (Sponsored Link) | (45) |
| (SeacoastOnline) | |
Childhood obesity can lead to missed school, drug use, and... teen pregnancy? | (148) |
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Man eating sandwich behind wheel chokes, blacks out, and hits another car. Seat belt administers "Heimlich" maneuver, causing him to wake up. Taa-daa | (77) |
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Apparently, society is getting tired of whiny, cross-dressing emo boys as manly men are making a comeback (with pic that doesn't help the cause) | (424) |
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City plans to fine victims of graffiti, because it's a lot easier than catching the perpetrators | (78) |
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Add one more item to your list of how to silence your political opponents: Poisoned underpants | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Eleven of the 2,324 possible Texas felonies can only be committed with an oyster. None of those require sex-offender registration | (81) |
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Not news: Knot noose. News: Noose. Fark: Not noose | (119) |
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No matter how important your meeting might seem, it's definitely over when an 18-wheeler drives into your conference room | (30) |
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Actual headline: "At some stores, Christmas season is already under way" | (117) |
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Cop was having sex while on duty, but court acquits him of charges because he was in constant radio contact and could have responded to any emergency | (78) |
| (Enfield Independent) | |
Whiner complains about big model of a crashed WW2 German fighter because it has swastika and might frighten children. Model builder, 81, who actually spent WW2 fighting the Germans, tells him to man up | (205) |
| (Some Holy Roller) | |
Chinese police raid Vacation Bible School. Millions of bored American kids hope vainly for same | (80) |
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How do you know when your deputies are underpaid? When their wives turn to prostitution. With pic of said wife (wear your goggles) | (89) |
| (myTelus) | |
Goat farmer wins millions. If he moves his family to Beverly Hills, he's practically guaranteed a TV show | (17) |
| (Albany Times Union) | |
Food prices taking a big chunk of people's money, but the truly shocking part of the story is that half of families earn below the median family income. HALF | (334) |
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If you're ever in this guy's meeting, don't tell him what time it is, because his watch says that it's beatin' time | (70) |
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Because your "first time" should be special and memorable, be sure to use lots of candles so the fire brigade can be there to congratulate you and the media can put your naked, sooty photos in the paper | (253) |
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Federal Reserve cuts discount rate by 0.5 percent to stem melting markets | (425) |
| (UpstateToday) | |
"...who at the time was staying with their mother -- a self-confessed drug attic." Wait, what? | (62) |
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Photoshop this cat staring down a garden gnome | (147) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Wal-Mart comes up with brilliant idea: Open some small stores, sort of like a neighborhood grocery. Why didn't anyone think of this before? | (177) |
| (The Trentonian) | |
Concealing merchandise under your shirt is difficult when you're shoplifting topless | (51) |
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Rip Van Winkle Disease causes adolescents to sleep for weeks, binge or become hypersexual. In other words, they act exactly like teenagers | (91) |
| (The Age) | |
News: Local business offers discount with gas receipt. Not news: The business is a brothel. Fark: The scheme is called "Pump and Save" | (48) |
| (NZ Herald) | |
You're a newly arrived Canadian tourist. You encounter heavily tattooed skinheads. Do you: A) Walk away? B) Run away? Or C) Invite them out for drinks while boasting about being an ex-gangsta? | (103) |
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Hotel mistakes Nobel Peace Prize winner for bag lady; does the humane thing and throws her out of the building | (152) |
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Coalition death toll in Iraq reaches the 4000 mark | (487) |