Sun August 12, 2007
| (Brisbane Times) |  |
Grim Reaper drops scythe, adopts 'softer' look. "Everyone still loves the skeleton, but now there will be no reason to criticise" | (45) |
| (NASA) |  |
This picture is farking amazing | (104) |
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REMINDER: tonight is the Perseid meteor shower, and it's a new moon. Grab a cold one and stay up late with your hunny bunny | (82) |
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Man who witnessed a murder from a car across the street is convicted of the murder, and now faces execution. Where else but Texas? | (251) |
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"Nightclubs are hell. What's cool or fun about a thumping, sweaty dungeon full of posing idiots?" | (284) |
| (King5) |  |
10 sheriff’s deputies are stranded overnight in the wildness after they get lost and disoriented while seizing a large pot growing operation. Hmmm…nothing suspicious about that | (53) |
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Susan Estrich says about internet postings that people trying to be "funny" are sometimes mean to her and that the Internet should therefore be regulated | (286) |
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Gunman opens fire in Missouri church. 3 confirmed dead so far | (351) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this grinning profile | (64) |
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The original Waffle House has been restored. No word on if they used the same type of roaches or original waitresses | (109) |
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300 chickens die after drunken joyrider crashes into shed. TONIGHT, dinner is served | (35) |
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Third hole to be drilled in Utah mine to find lost miners which will take 3 days to get to the area where they are now suspected to be. Tune in in 3 days to hear about the fourth hole they will be drilling | (136) |
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Crusading scientists invade libraries and reshelve "intelligent design" books under Science Fiction | (587) |
| (24dash) | |
No prosecution for homeowner for burglar's death plunge from 4th floor window | (75) |
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Animal cruelty investigator rescues dog from locked and overheated car, and then leaves owner handcuffed to car to take dog to hospital. Gathered crowd beats owner until police arrive. Your dog wants Tre Smith, Pet Detective | (666) |
| (This is the Concord Monitor) | |
Convicted tax protesters Ed and Elaine Brown continue to threaten law enforcement officials from their New Hampshire compound, finally proving that this has little to do with Ruby Ridge and more to do with stupid ass-hattery | (334) |
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"I'll take 'Dead Television Game Show Producers' for $1000, Alex" | (149) |
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Paging Mr. Samuel Jackson. Mr. Jackson, you have a call on the motherfarkin' white courtesy phone | (52) |
| (Huffington Post) | |
Texas church cancels memorial service for its gay janitor. "But we'll find you someplace else, cook food, and videotape the service for you" | (506) |
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You're thrown out of a nightclub. Do you: A) Take it like a man and go somewhere else, B) Pick a fight with a bouncer, or C) Strip naked, smear yourself with blood and feces and then pick a fight with a bouncer? | (60) |
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I'll have the #5 Prostate exam. Oh and super size that, please | (66) |
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Thieves steal three-ton Tunguska meteorite from owners who are apparently blind, deaf, and not particularly attentive | (69) |
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Photoshop this bearded biker | (76) |
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In the continuing saga of Virginia's top-notch traffic safety enforcement, a woman who was in labor at the time was fined for speeding... $1150 | (229) |
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Unfortunate incident involving sailors impregnating cows leads university academic to publicly shame students with poor spelling | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Things that you can't say when running for President | (207) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Arizona burglars targeting trailer parks. Police warning residents to keep close eye on valuables like the 1976 El Camino up on blocks, half-empty cases of Natty Lite, and 2-for-1 Golden Corral coupons | (58) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Passengers flying out of Heathrow Airport suffer more stress than fighter pilots in action or police in riots | (67) |
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How to lead a healthy lifestyle while at the same time drinking your face off | (58) |
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Father poses for publicity picture in desperate attempt to find the daughter he hadn't seen for ten years – unaware she was just a few yards behind him when the photo was taken | (54) |
| (Plan 59) | |
Photoshop an ad for a modern product or PSA using mid-century advertising art. Link goes to inspiration | (77) |
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Alcoholic 9-year-old arrested after tangling with the police 35 times since he was seven. Understatement of the week: "This child is nine - there are obviously some significant problems." | (100) |
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Police hunt couple who set up mobile brothel on boat moored off nudist beach, to which men swim out for an hour. Bonus: the beach is named Studland | (46) |
| (Daytona Beach News-Journal) |  |
Hundreds of Florida beachgoers attacked by poisonous jellyfish. EVERYBODY PANIC | (58) |
| (al.com) |  |
Alabama's alpabet is dow to twety four letters | (132) |
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Black Pine Animal Park is proud to have a cockatoo that won't stop cussing. Polly wants a farking cracker | (31) |
Sat August 11, 2007
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Amish businesses are now using green energy and modern technology. Because who knows more about electricity than the Amish? | (92) |
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49-year-old man, just released from three decades in prison, ready to settle down with his 88-year-old wife | (42) |
| (KATU) | |
Man gets back his 1940 Plymouth that was stolen 21 years ago | (27) |
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Everything is made of ice at the Chillout Lounge ... in Dubai | (66) |
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Dumb: Letting a seal paint a picture. Dumber: Trying to sell a picture painted by a seal. Dumbest: Paying $179.95 for a picture painted by a seal | (90) |
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Good-looking people earn 12 percent more than ugly ones | (144) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Phlautist | (64) |
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As other countries improve health care, nutrition, and lifestyles, life expectancy in the United States continues to plunge. Cheeseburger-scarfing Americans now outlived by citizens of 41 nations, including Jordan, Guam, and the Cayman Islands | (405) |
| (Some Ray Stevens Fan) |  |
When Shriners Attack: eight people injured, five sent to the hospital, after freak miniature dune buggy accident during Shriners parade | (51) |
| (Some Dumb Sheriff) | |
You know that new found faith in the Criminal Justice System? Well, not so much | (60) |
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Alberto Gonzales is in Baghdad getting updates on a lot of stuff he probably won't be able to recall next week | (128) |
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Not news: Burglar attempts to break into house. News: Burglar falls from window and dies. Fark: Homeowner arrested | (234) |
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Cute-ass baby gorilla rejected by mother rushed to animal sanctuary in child's car seat and socialized with cute-ass plush monkeys. This link is just gonna ooze cuteness all over your computer table. Seriously (pic) | (60) |
| (Independent.ie) | |
It's that time of year again, when villagers in Ireland capture a wild goat, declare it king, and marry it off to a 12 year old girl (w/pic of happy couple) | (99) |
| (katu.com) | |
Their insurance company is never going to believe this claim (w/pic goodness) | (83) |
| (GNN) | |
If you were a terrorist, how would you attack the US? Another helpful article from the patriotic New York Times | (258) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Pissed-off owl attacks burglars who stole her from her owner's home, biting them until they crash their car while going 65mph. YA RLY | (81) |
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Police announce they are dropping their sexual assault investigation at Playboy mansion and that Hef can drive as fast as he damn well wants to from now on | (51) |
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CBS headline: "Category 3 Storm To Hit Hawaii" First paragraph: "...forecasters did not expect it to hit the state with anything more than rough surf. " | (59) |
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Federal government pulls funding from only hospital in Los Angeles' poorest neighborhood because the hospital doesn't have enough money to fix its problems. Wait, what? | (120) |
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Kilt-wearing mystery man stops lunchtime mugging, leaves ladies wanting more of the "knight in tartan." Hmm... lilting accent, moustache, kilt, chivalry -- this guy could be on to something here | (81) |
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♪♫ All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride Sally, ride ♫ ♪ ... World famous Mustang Ranch reopens after being shut down by the IRS, burned down, rebuilt and sold on eBay for the price of a small home | (49) |
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Photoshop this inquisitive little fella | (80) |
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Today’s gay rights activist being angered by school calendar switch brought to you from Philadelphia | (173) |
| (Alternet) | |
Good to know tasteless marketing expands beyond American borders | (102) |
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Ugly ass baby dolphin born in Odessa (w/ugly ass pic) | (45) |
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This may renew your faith in the Criminal Justice System | (94) |
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Man understands reasonable fear on the part of airline passengers as reason he was kicked off a flight for wearing an Arabic-language t-shirt. Just kidding. He's suing JetBlue for being racial profiling asshats | (594) |
| (klastv) | |
How to get caught committing home invasions #135: sit and watch a movie with the victims in their home while waiting for their bank to open | (22) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Note to self: get rid of practice notes for robbery | (17) |
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Delays, leaking cockpits, falling foam chunks, gouges in the fuselage, and now the Endeavour crew is awakened by the music of John Mayer. Why does NASA hate astronauts so much? Haven't they suffered enough? | (62) |
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If you're going to get arrested and booked, why not make some sort of statement about it? (with mugshot goodness) | (87) |
| (9news.com) | |
It's Caturday. Wall cat is watching you | (425) |
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Apparently, wasps are not covered in that postal creed thingee | (33) |
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Second, wider drill has broken through to the presumed location of the trapped Utah miners, say officials | (76) |
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Oh dammit. Now the Danish claim they're the real owners of the North Pole. Expect sugary, maple-syrupy, vodka-ey pie fight to erupt soon | (107) |
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New video released of Fark's favorite diaper-wearing astronaut rambling incoherently in jail. Hoo boy, that gal is one space cadet | (102) |
| (Courier Journal) | |
Lexington Bluegrass Airport adds runway signs including: "Do no enter," "Runway too short," and "Wrong way, dumbass" | (28) |
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Woman who killed her husband, chopped him into pieces, and stuffed his body in a refrigerator has been released due to lack of evidence. In other news, men everywhere decide it might be better to make their own sammiches | (49) |
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A dozen Chinese teenagers have been caught trying to sneak into Canada by masquerading as kung fu masters from the famous Shaolin Temple. Pretending you know something about martial arts works less in real life than on the internet | (46) |
| (Nice jams, dude) | |
Photoshop this, er, triumphant Wisconsin fan | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Will the last person to leave Second Life please turn off the lights? Thanks, the Mgt | (148) |
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Man finds way to disable police speed radar by putting automatic gate opener behind his license plate (with nifty graphic that only The Sun could pull off) | (179) |
| (Some Teatotaller) | |
"Satan is not an atheist. He would vote 'yes' for alcohol sales in Thomasville because he loves to see people suffer" | (148) |
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Six-foot tent pole impales 16-year-old girl in face. More fun than you can stake a chick at (pic) | (220) |
Fri August 10, 2007
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NYC police increase Manhattan security after receiving "unverified radiological threat" | (120) |
| (Some Guy That Blames Bush) | |
Man faces $500 littering fine for putting up "Impeach Bush" sign | (171) |
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Despite all the wars, strife, poverty, and hunger in this world, Jesus still has time to put his image on a garage floor in Virginia (w/pic of smudge) | (117) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Nation of Islam criticized by son of Elijah Muhammad. Sort of like Rosie calling Rosanne a fatty | (46) |
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Woman attacks karaoke singer in the middle of his song. Not sure which is worse, being punched by a woman... or singing Coldplay | (67) |
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Canada announces intent to build two military bases in the Arctic, marking this first time ANYTHING has been erected in temperatures that cold | (105) |
| (Ithaca Journal) | |
PETA wants to save the fish just for the halibut. Thats a bunch of crappie | (89) |
| (International Herold Tribune) | |
Islamic cleric puts a fatwa on Harry Potter. Burn, wizard burn | (112) |
| (Some future 'dodger) | |
Army Lt. Gen. Douglas Lute on reinstating the draft: "I think it makes sense to certainly consider it" | (422) |
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Inmate attempts to recruit judge to kill prosecutor for $5000, then tries to get his lawyer to kill the uncooperative judge for the same amount. Let's see... how many FAIL points is that? | (35) |
| (NBC4) | |
Man, 105, has the secret of long life: "I'm not a ladies man," he said. "I stay away from them" | (94) |
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You're a cheap bastard if you don't add 20% to the price of any service provided by a human | (369) |
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PITTSBURGH FARK PICNIC IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN -- Saturday, 3-Midnight in North Park...BEER, FUN, POSSIBLE DEBAUCHERY...DIT...LGT previous posts | (24) |
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Space hotel to open for business in 2012. Three night stay for only $4 million. Book now before all the ocean-view rooms are taken | (41) |
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Dr. Pepper Museum expecting one millionth visitor. Suck it, Pibbs | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this escalator | (66) |
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Oscar Mayer Wienermobile ticketed for illegal parking in downtown Chicago, Abe Froehman sought for questioning | (53) |
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NASA discovers "gouge" on bottom of Endeavour | (315) |
| (Some Sicko) |  |
Today's 36-year old teacher who had sex with student and gets away with no jail time brought to you by Virginia. Amazingly enough, it was a male teacher, not a hottie woman | (121) |
| (Unclear on the Concept) | |
Shoplifter, after being arrested outside Neiman Marcus: "It's too late, I already left the store" | (181) |
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Tropical Storm Flossie becomes a hurricane, leaving Hawaiians to wonder... WTF kind of a name is Flossie? | (88) |
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Universal's music division announces launch of trial period for DRM-free downloads. Suck it, RIAA | (52) |
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The Perseid Meteor Shower is upon us, expected to be the best show in years | (82) |
| (Orlando Sentinel) | |
Sad: Truck carrying wine and vodka overturns, stops traffic on I-95. Follow Up: Second crash snarls traffic on I-95. Trifecta: Nearby, man crashes into 10 parked cars. Fark: All within 90 minutes | (29) |
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If I had a million dollars, I'd buy you a greenlit thread | (138) |
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Astronaut Lisa Nowak petitions judge to remove ankle monitor. Because it's not like she's a flight risk or anything | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's Paragon of Personal Responsibility suing McDonald's for $10 million because they put cheese on his cheeseburger | (307) |
| (Some Guy) | |
US Airways flight stuck on tarmac in Philly in 100 degree heat with busted AC and overflowing toilet for six hours. How's that Passenger Bill of Rights coming along? | (162) |
| (Some Oompa Loompa with a gun) | |
Ray Nagin says the high murder rate in his "Chocolate City" is good because it keeps New Orleans in peoples' minds | (156) |
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Directin' traffic on the road and they're flirtin' with disaster; break any traffic rules and the law will come right after | (32) |
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Teen girl gets dragged behind a van after she fell behind the group during a morning run at a Christian boot camp. She should have gone to band camp instead | (261) |
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Fetish Con 2007: Where else can you find "strict rubber nuns and demented latex nurses." | (102) |
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Colorado school district equates "Saving Private Ryan" and "Schindler's List" with "Basic Instinct" and "Road House" | (231) |
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Dallas-Fort Worth: Fark Party at the Dubliner is tomorrow night at 8pm. LGT directions, not trannies | (66) |
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Police refuse to operate speed cameras unless they receive a bigger share of the revenue | (43) |
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Today's country trying to lay claim to the Arctic Circle is... Denmark | (65) |
| (Burbank Leader) | |
News: Subject of massive manhunt in Burbank found. Fark: Subject of massive manhunt in Burbank found dead at scene of the crime | (43) |
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President Bush set to become the president who took the most vacation time. Obvious tag is at his Crawford ranch with him | (297) |
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13-year-old Finnish boy busts Reuters for passing off scenes from the movie "Titanic" as pictures from the Russian North Pole expedition. Its not news, its a movie (new link) | (117) |
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Utah mine rescue drilling may have missed section where miners are trapped. Whoops... our bad | (122) |
| (Courier Press) | |
Today's coal mining accident brought to you by Gibson County, Indiana. 3 dead so far | (111) |
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Extreme weather? Sure. Blame global warming? Not so fast there | (420) |
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City of Chicago says there are only 24 homeless people in the city. In other news, the Bush administration says there are only 6 terrorists in the world; victory is at hand | (669) |
| (Union Leader) | |
“If you look to the north, Quebec made a move to secede from Canada, and the vote only failed at 49 percent. I don't think we want that" | (224) |
| (Post-gazette.com) | |
Disabled teacher wins date with porn star, ridiculed on radio, resigns from job | (198) |
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And now for something completely different - a dog with two noses (with piccie proof) | (85) |
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Man gets $218 trillion phone bill. In related news, sex phone operators at 1-900-HOT-FARK set record profit | (73) |
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Reality show features a disco version of the Nativity scene. It's blasphemy to god, but more importantly, to good taste | (38) |
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Among the things you might not want to write in your monitored prison mail would be "Stupit cracker dint find no gun yet" | (215) |
| (NY Observer) | |
Man pays $33 million for NYC townhouse less than 26 feet wide | (104) |
| (myfoxny.com) | |
Rudy Giuliani refuses to say if he's a practicing Catholic | (200) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Michael Moore is the recipient of the Pizza Inn 2007 Franchisee of the Year Award | (47) |
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Colorado's head federal judge says he can't remember how he racked up $3,000 in credit card receipts at a strip club. He really really really didn't need those receipts | (73) |
| (Bankok Post) | |
Fed dumps another $19 Billion to banks to keep this Titanic economy afloat. Stockmarket: "Iceberg" | (238) |
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Note to self: When cross-dressing to celebrate a gay wedding, avoid jurisdictions that practice Sharia law | (132) |
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Presidential candidate Bill Richardson tells Melissa Etheridge that being gay is a personal choice. Backpedaling ensues | (362) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these snow-covered trees | (75) |
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British man has miniature camera left inside him for three months after medical procedure. Bonus: the paperwork gives his age as over 100, and dates the operation to 50 years ago. Raquel Welch, Donald Pleasence unavailable for comment | (56) |
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News: Hamas sets up first Palestinian Navy. Fark: Hamas doesn't have any boats so commanders are asking for "good soldiers who know how to swim" | (66) |
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Final reminder for the Pittsburgh Fark Party. Saturday, 3pm North Dakota pavilion of North Park. (LGT pavilion) | (70) |
| (Some Qatari) | |
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas’s government dismayed to discover that it accidentally paid salaries to almost half the members of rival Hamas’s security force. Whoopsie | (32) |
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Bad Idea: drinking and driving. Really Bad Idea: getting into a road rage traffic "altercation" with an off-duty cop. Worse Idea: following the cop and trying to run him off the road. Worst Possible Idea: trying to take his gun | (66) |
| (New York Daily News) | |
Interesting article illustrating how awkward all the Democratic candidates are on the topic of gay marriage. Includes the comments, "I shouldn't have said that," "I'm not a scientist," and "Oh, come on, now" | (658) |
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Teen okay after fall from trip to bell tower. When asked his name, the Reverend said, "I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell" | (64) |
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British Queen's eldest grandchild set to lose succession rights if he chooses to marry his Catholic fiancee, outside of the family--even though Prince Charles married completely out of species and got away with it | (110) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Job Tip of the Day: If you got revenge on your former boss by setting fire to his house, remember to remove him from your list of references when applying for your next job | (23) |
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Possible shuttle foam strike worries NASA, maybe they should build a shuttle that can withstand the powerful force of foam | (215) |
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Girl wants to go fishing at camp. City of Halifax : Not yours. Go get your nails done instead | (98) |
| (TCPalm) | |
"Internet playing increasing role in news decisions" Drudge Report and Fark rock another reporter's world | (32) |
| (Metrowest Daily News) | |
Man found alongside train tracks upgraded from dead to drunk | (44) |
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Parents go to jail because they punished their kids by making them run 15 laps around the house every day for the past four years. "We did it to control their anger problems" | (301) |
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Four wild dogs surround and attack news crew. Your dog wants an exclusive | (221) |
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Faced with rising health insurance premiums, companies now starting to charge fat workers extra if they don't put down the cheesburgers | (339) |
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Council to old woman: You can't tend public flower beds unless you get a license, wear a fluorescent jacket, erect three warning signs, and use a lookout. Old woman to council: Suck it - send me to jail if you want | (110) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Condom billboard causes uprising because it can be seen from the desks of Catholic school kids. Talk about your product placement and target audience | (142) |
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Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying in Sumo | (70) |
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News: Australian woman detained for using foul language on a Delta flight to Pittsburgh. Fark: The foul language was merely Australian slang meaning "really?" | (218) |
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Arlington, TX church reneges on offer to host funeral for Navy veteran after finding out he's gay | (371) |
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Soccer yobs attack hundreds of traffic signals in Britain, but are only interested in the green lights. Submitter knows how they feel | (43) |
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You knew the media would get here eventually: "Holidays give you cancer" | (46) |
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Mountie who threw rock at a bus, hung out with a known criminal, and ran into seven parked cars while driving drunk gets to keep his job | (36) |
| (Some Pharmaceutical Guy) | |
Photoshop challenge: Design an ad for a new drug designed for a "made-up" disease | (130) |
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This week's gasoline thieves using an open flame because it was too dark to see what they were doing brought to you from Two Rivers, Wisconsin | (28) |
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Garbagemen refuse to take away man's garbage because he had thrown some old flowers into it and the garbage was now contaminated by "garden waste" | (62) |