Sun August 05, 2007
| (Some Guy) |  |
Father of young daughter ennumerates his Seven Deadly Sins of Kiddie Culture (w/ examples) | (111) |
| (Bellingham Herald) |  |
Would all of the indicators of a robust economy please step forward? Hold on a second there, livable wage | (112) |
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Texas requires a note from your godless hippie parents if you don't wanna say "God" in the new mandatory state pledge | (160) |
| (NMB 6) |  |
The Florida Tag hops a fence and spends a warm Sunday in Washington, D.C | (27) |
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While men have sex on the brain, women it seems, have it more in the nose | (85) |
| (CFR) | |
Atheist Diversionary Tactics. Bonus: author has quite the vocabulary | (374) |
| (Some Barber) |  |
Police summoned to arrest a hair dresser who refused to tell a decidedly non-fabulous meter maid how old he was | (91) |
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Photoshop this person and her golf cart | (49) |
| (KOTV-OKC) |  |
Watermelon is now the official vegetable of Oklahoma. Wait... what? | (160) |
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Which city has the best graffiti? You might be surprised | (150) |
| (Nashville Scene) |  |
Welcome to the Christian Nudist Convocation, "A semi-annual gathering of salt-of-the-earth folks whose dedication to being nude whenever possible is rivaled only by their love for Christ" | (120) |
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Maybe getting drunk and then practicing martial arts with an armed opponent isn’t such a hot idea (realizes idiot on his way to the hospital for thumb-reattachment surgery) | (25) |
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Even though a major hurricane has not hit Manhattan in 70 years, the city has spent $15 million on hurricane supplies for the upcoming season | (134) |
| (WWTDD) | |
Man killed at Ving Rhames house likely suffered a heart attack, not mauled to death as was previously speculated. Charges against Rhames unlikely | (92) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Presenting the Cowch. The strangest piece of furniture you'll see today | (87) |
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Casting breakdowns for "Star Trek XI" characters. If you're a 25ish, tomboyish, FUN African American girl, you could be our new Uhura | (183) |
| (Giant Mag) |  |
"Hey man, is that Freedom Rock?” “Yeah, man.” “Well, turn it up, man!” The 50 greatest commercials of the ’80s | (121) |
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Just one more reason why Canada is better than the US. Land of the Free lies north of the 49th Parallel | (377) |
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Russian police fear "chessboard killer" has murdered 62 people as part of his own personal game. Another 2 were merely captured en passant | (98) |
| (My San Antonio) | |
White male police officer charged with beating a young black lesbian over her request that he not smoke. My god, it's like a smorgasbord of issues and hot buttons just waiting to be explored | (197) |
| (Fredricksburg.com) |  |
Police connect pharmacy robbery to local clown, proving that police are finally catching on to submitter's General Clown Relativity Theory: All clowns are inherently evil | (24) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man evicted from place of business because he doesn't speak Spanish | (326) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Today is National Mustard Day. Let's all honor the "King of the Condiments" | (168) |
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Artist mows giant Purple Heart into grass to honor the medal's 75th anniversary. Folks who wore Purple Heart band-aids at 2004 RNC unavailable for comment | (138) |
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Montana's governor thinks god is a firefighter | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this closeup encounter | (53) |
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You've HAD it with your neighbor's cat. Do you a) ask them to keep it inside b) set a humane trap or c) capture the cat, take him "overseas," and leave a map in your neighbor's mailbox showing where kitty was left | (395) |
| (WordPress) | |
"Drew says being informed is 95% stupid" | (72) |
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Good news: new Philly police surveillance cameras driving up arrests. Bad News: ...and driving crime into new areas of the city. Solution is obvious: they just need more cameras | (73) |
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House approves $460B Pentagon budget. That's "billion", with one big ass B. Even Dr. Evil looks a bit embarrassed | (171) |
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WFAN to replace Don Imus with Jersey guy known for lampooning Hispanic immigrants, Chinese people, and the mental illness of a former governor’s wife. What could possibly go wrong? | (59) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption this old lady making a phone call | (75) |
| (MaineToday.com) |  |
Dentist who treated patients while wearing a belly-dancing costume, and had after-hours office parties with liquor, body shots and sex, seeks to regain license | (45) |
| (Naples News) | |
Not news: Man teaches stepdaughter to drive. News: He nearly loses his leg when she runs him over. Fark: She's 30 and drunk. With mugshot goodness | (52) |
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Before the game had even ended, Bud Selig issued "the least appropriate statement possible" on Barry Bonds' 755th homerun | (163) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this future ER patient | (55) |
| (Stars and Stripes) | |
Soldier convicted of rape, murder of Iraqi girl sentenced to 110 years in PMITA prison. At least he didn't get life | (361) |
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Billboard picturing two tomatoes at the base of a cucumber next to the words "thank God for serious steak" ordered removed | (125) |
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Two Nevada dairy farms begin dumping milk after the discovery of a naturally occurring radioactive isotope polonium-210. Vladimir Putin asks the farmers not to be hasty, volunteers to take a few thousand gallons off their hands | (63) |
Sat August 04, 2007
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Appearance of firefighter in "Guys Gone Wild" embarrasses FDNY enough to stop publication of their calendar full of scantily clad firefighters | (72) |
| (Everyone) |  |
Some douchebag just hit an important home run...not that one, the other one | (553) |
| (Some Beach) | |
Photoshop what these boogie boarding beauties are looking at | (68) |
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The fear mongering goes international: Australian bridges are next | (36) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these monks on a bridge | (43) |
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Donkey-sized dogs selling in China for more than half a million bucks | (67) |
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Gunman opens fire inside Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas | (130) |
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Homeless sex offender faces life in prison for not registering at an address because he can’t find a home. Nobody will rent to him which makes him homeless, and if you are a sex offender you have to live in a home to register | (373) |
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For all those who wanted Iraq bombed back to the Stone Age - congratulations | (273) |
| (Daily Bulletin) | |
Lawsuit alleges producers of MSNBC's "To Catch A Predator" bribed sheriff's deputies to set up pillars of the community, who would never utilize wine coolers to bang 14-year olds | (356) |
| (Some Defendant) | |
RIAA elevates TotalDouchebag status to UltraDouchebag status | (98) |
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Another record poppy crop in Afghanistan. They must really like bagels over there | (67) |
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Dear Virginia General Assembly, you really farked up that bad driver law. Sincerely, another judge ruling it unconstitutional | (62) |
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Actual headline: "Crispy duck banned from Beijing toilets." First they came for the crispy duck and I said nothing | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
♫ Up and over the railroad tracks, the trucker drove his diesel; down the tracks an engine came, pop goes the diesel. ♫ | (61) |
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The creators of the "Bratz" dolls want you to know they're really about valuing friendship over social acceptance, and not just teaching your 8 year old to be a slut | (234) |
| (Poughkeepsie Journal) | |
Metro-North commuters help deliver baby on the 7:18 express from Grand Central to Poughkeepsie; riders relieved to finally have a kid on the train who's not kicking the back of their seat | (21) |
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Dating columnist thinks it's okay to bone your co-workers. Then Stevie Nicks gets mentioned... oops | (72) |
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Theme: Photoshop something five seconds before it becomes a Fark headline | (99) |
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Homeless man inherits $50,000 and can't wait to put spinners on his shopping cart and get wi-fi installed in his cardboard box | (167) |
| (Chattanoogan) | |
Arrest warrant and $1,000 bond issued for teenager who failed to show up in court to answer a seat-belt violation. Yeah, that'll teach those dangerous seatbelt scofflaws | (100) |
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LAST CALL: Minnesota Farkers, your party is happening this SATURDAY, AUGUST 4th. LGT Googlemaps, DIT | (91) |
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Woman surprised to discover that the Beast of Dartmoor striking fear into the hearts of her countrymen is actually just her pet dog | (39) |
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Scientists find sunshine fights breast cancer. In other news, men gain legitimate way to get women to expose their breasts in public | (67) |
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Per request from emails, last Nashville Fark Party reminder. And this time we mean it. LGT last final reminder | (13) |
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NY City Councilman arrested for screwing his constituents without their consent. Literally | (42) |
| (tPC) | |
Dateline NBC reporter goes undercover at Defcon 2007, gets uncovered, and flees to dead end corner of parking lot, followed by numerous onlookers | (123) |
| (Some redneck) | |
Man thinks it's a "bunch of *$%&" that he gets a second DUI. On his lawnmower | (38) |
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Man learns the hard way what a reserve is on eBay after court orders him to hand over a vintage plane worth $215,000 | (61) |
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Woman moves to edge of Everglades and then complains about gators in her yard | (72) |
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Airline goes above and beyond their normal duty of losing luggage, loses man's son instead | (77) |
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Hey, remember that guy in the Bible who parted the waters and took out the entire Egyptian army? Well he's back, but he's no match for the Clean Water Act | (39) |
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Thief thought he had them foiled when he swallowed the stolen loot. Then the cops brought out the bananas | (48) |
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Beginners' tip: when holding a garage sale, be sure to conceal your cache of illegal weapons | (62) |
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Starting in 2008, Marvin the Martian will be able to visit a library thanks to NASA. I suspect that quarter library fines will make him very angry | (55) |
| (Some Cat) |  |
Firefighters perform good deed just in time for Caturday | (282) |
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To those who said that was a Van Gogh painting found underneath that other painting: FAIL | (55) |
| (The Age) | |
Thief tries to steal from 7-Eleven, but gets attacked with a mop and the staff end up stealing his clothes | (43) |
| (Some Guy taking the long way) | |
Not to be outdone by Tampa, St Louis Closes "dangerous" bridge. Fearmongering Bridge Closing trifecta in play | (56) |
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22-year old woman from Kansas hires a 15-year old boy for a babysitter. Well, I think you know where this is going | (138) |
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Plane crashes in Florida. Two squirrels in intensive care (w/ video) | (36) |
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Photoshop this strange construction | (71) |
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Now that "The Monster Squad" is finally on DVD, relive the glory of Wolfman's nards in I-Mockery's review of the movie | (52) |
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Man says that he is the sailor in the famous "Kissing Sailor" photo. Also says "No Kissing on his lawn" and earns "Hero" tag for serving his country | (107) |
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House full of marijuana plants catches fire. Firefighters arrive on scene, forget what they were going to do when they got there, and then wander away in search of burritos | (40) |
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Fudge-packing woman foiled by clogged toilet | (49) |
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Brits love their Crocs shoes. Presumably because like their teeth they're ugly, come in garish shades of green, and are full of holes | (110) |
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Thou shalt not roast squirrels in front of your campers | (61) |
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Ugly ass baby panda born at San Diego Zoo. Someone call Ron Burgandy | (67) |
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The guy in the next cubicle who works too much? He's not getting any | (92) |
Fri August 03, 2007
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Today's proof that the Apocalypse is upon us, spelled out in just two words: male leggings (pic) | (124) |
| (WFTS) | |
The fear mongering continues: Tampa bridge closes due to structural issues | (100) |
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Step 1: Build social-networking site. Step 2: Sell advertising. Step 3: Profit (until the advertisers see their products appearing on the pages of politically-questionable parties) | (36) |
| (Salina journal) | |
Not news: Police Chief arrested for theft. News: Chief was stealing beer. Fark.com: From the Fire Department | (25) |
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Stripper revives customer with CPR after he has too much Oxycontin. All those years of slipping $5 bills into G-strings finally pays off | (53) |
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If someone wants to buy your Mercedes, and they ask about GPS or engine disabling devices you may want to think twice about that test drive. Bonus: They left the keys to "their" Mercedes as collateral | (25) |
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Man evades police on foot after robbery. Fark: his leg was in a cast and he needed a cane to walk | (20) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this lady at the gate | (88) |
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Mysterious laser beam is tormenting pilots over Daytona Beach (with video) | (97) |
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96-year-old man and a 92-year-old woman look forward to some hot action once they get married. "You don't lose it just because you get old" | (141) |
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Disney increasing ticket price to $71 for one-day visit | (174) |
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L.A. Clippers star Elton Brand ruptures achilles tendon during workout on Friday | (84) |
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NASA spokesman explains delay in shuttle's launch, "They were literally trying to put 25 pounds of work in a 10-pound bag." Thanks for clearing that up, George | (48) |
| (Orilla Packet) | |
UFOs seen flying over Canada. With a picture. Of a lamp post | (115) |
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First teacher to be launched in a shuttle since 1985 hopes students will learn lesson from her example, and that it won't be the lesson Christa McAuliffe's students learned | (122) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Do red shirts really die more often in Star Trek? Open up your spreadsheet and follow along with this rich Web 2.0 analysis | (97) |
| (DEFRA) | |
Foot and mouth hits the UK again, woo yay bbq season is here again | (77) |
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Tree with huge bee hive falls on Fla. homes -- wild swarming ensues (with helicopter video) | (99) |
| (Some Complete Tools) | |
Tivo a show in your media room and want to watch it on the bedroom TV? Broadcasters think it should be a surchargin' | (126) |
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While only three percent of British vacationers know how to say "sorry" in the language of the country they're visiting, forty percent know how to say "beer" | (121) |
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NASA delays shuttle launch one day, giving Fark Admins one more day of sorting through "assplode soon" submissions | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Black Muslim group outraged after raids on their bakery uncovered an arms cache | (433) |
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Photoshop theme: Place Mike Rowe at the scene of a "dirty job" | (107) |
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Southern Christian Leadership Conference making plans to honor Michael Vick, 'cause there ain't nothing more Southern Christian than a good downhome dogfight | (172) |
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How do you get a secret username and password out of an IRS employee? ... Just ask | (108) |
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Lost Van Gogh found under another painting. Thomas Crown lights another cigar | (75) |
| (Some Fark Party Person) | |
FINAL REMINDER for Nashville Fark Party, now with DIT goodness | (28) |
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The several week lead time needed to get magazines to the newsstand can lead to some unintentional hilarity. For example check out Elle's interview with Lindsay Lohan in between her rehab stay and DUI | (77) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Our favorite triple-amputee driving enthusiast sentenced to five years | (30) |
| (Dose) | |
Dose credits Fark for banishing the Spice Girls to Baghdad | (149) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Is the Internet making us stupid? Bonus: Fark mentioned | (112) |
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FL State Rep Bob Allen (R-Idiot) was "just playing around" when he offered a cop 20 bucks for oral sex in a bathroom. Because who among us hasn't done this before? | (297) |
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Rejoice, Denver Judge tosses asshat's lawsuit over ladies' night | (170) |
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New report from the Institute For Pulling Numbers Out Of Our Ass suggests "Friday Slackers" cost firms $100 million | (119) |
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Man arrested for having smoking hot girlfriend | (199) |
| (myfoxhouston.com) | |
Final Score: Houston Police 1 - Man in red mini-van who "enjoys" a good police chase and thought he could out-run the cops: 0 | (41) |
| (Tech Dirt) | |
AT&T CEO says they don't promote $10 DSL because nobody wants it | (216) |
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Men arrested after found in a makeshift submarine in NYC harbor. Authorities: "We don't know what they were doing. But it wasn't terrorism." One of those statements is probably false | (410) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Actual Headline: Cops say thief had 21 deodorant sticks | (38) |
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Five-person panel formed to protect the independence and integrity of Dow Jones during its takeover includes an MIT professor who received $2.9 million... from News Corp | (77) |
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Indian call center outsourcing to Ohio | (133) |
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Meet the world's fastest hybrid, high-performance milk truck with a spoiler, lowered suspension and a biatchin' paint job. It'll blow the doors off your Prius, hippie (pic) | (78) |
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John Edwards is outraged that Hillary would accept $20k from Rupert Murdoch which is $780,000 less than he received from his dealings with Rupert Murdoch | (226) |
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Now that we know all our bridges are going to collapse, it's time to brush up on our "escaping-a-sinking-car" skills | (199) |
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Reminder: Nashville Fark Party Saturday at Mulligan's Irish Pub, Somebody bring nametags | (29) |
| (Some MLB Team site) | |
Minnesota Twins postpone groundbreaking for new $1.1 billion stadium due to I35 bridge collapse. Apparently up until this week they didn't have any more pressing construction projects on which to spend that money | (186) |
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British financial authorities would like to remind people that real £20 notes don't have a picture of Homer Simpson on them | (37) |
| (Out Campaign) | |
Atheists urge atheists to come out of the closet by wearing an "A" to make it even easier for fundies to round them up and stone them as required by the Old Testament | (1080) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this shoe | (86) |
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Hollywood takes a third shot at trying to make a marketable movie about clowns and gas chambers | (89) |
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10 drinks men should never order | (862) |
| (Some Frequently Ultra High Guy) | |
Russian secret weapon caused Minneapolis bridge collapse | (174) |
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NYC health group shocked, ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED, that fast-food fries still have trans fat | (89) |
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Man can't get into the army because a curry once made him sick | (115) |
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Telemundo reporter suspended after fitting LA mayor with a flesh tuxedo. Yo quiero (w/ pix) | (145) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Today's misuse of 911 is from a Maine woman who lost her house key | (52) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Odd skull discovery shows evidence of interbreeding between humans and Neandertals. Geico Caveman whistles, walks away | (233) |
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Your parents tell you your cat is dead. Do you a) Bury your pet and get on with life. b) Get a new cat or c) Hack your folks to death with an axe? | (223) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these athletic competitors | (68) |
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In less than 24 hours, 70,000+ bridges have beed rated deficient. Heckuvajob DOT | (221) |
| (Sky News) | |
The flying cars are here! The flying cars are here! | (206) |
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Headline: "Are People More Polite In Virtual Worlds?" Clearly not a Fark user | (89) |
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Slashdot begins to allow users to submit, tag, discuss and vote on news stories. Sounds familiar | (141) |
Thu August 02, 2007
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Democrats prove they don't support troops by passing legislation to increase home time. President dutifully threatens veto on their behalf | (431) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Young women outearn young men in NYC and other large U.S. cities. Where's your goddess now, NOW? | (162) |
| (Some Alleged Reporter) | |
Terrorist who "allegedly" drove explosive vehicle into Glasgow airport during "alleged" attack dies... allegedly | (90) |
| (Take 2) | |
Grand Theft Auto IV delayed until Q2 2008 | (187) |
| (Zogby) | |
Only 24% of Americans approve of Bush's handling of the war in Iraq. So the Democrats are doing better, right? Nope. Only 3% approve of congress' handling of the war. Yes, that's not a typo: 3% | (400) |
| (Some Guy Norris) | |
Chuck Norris rescues 26 sailors. No, really | (383) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man drowns swimming in a Great Lake. Erie | (91) |
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Ugly-ass baby tigers born at the Tianjin Zoo in China, one white, one yellow. Tony seen waiting for answer from his wife about this turn of events (with ugly-ass pics) | (81) |
| (Jason) | |
Police find body in lake at summer camp... BUT THEY NEVER FOUND HIS HEAD | (80) |
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August is National Sandwich Month | (116) |
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Million-dollar-pants judge out of a job | (115) |
| (Asheville Citizen Times) | |
Charges against couple inverting flag inverted | (93) |
| (Don't Panic) | |
Bar gets three day suspension after patron suffers brain seizure and spends two weeks in the ICU. Who knew they were serving Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters in Tennessee? | (61) |
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Virginia judge strikes down the $3550 speeding ticket as unconstitutional | (97) |
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Steinbrenner son poised to push out ailing dad and take over Yankees: "Get rid of my father" | (43) |
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A new climate change study employed an unorthodox method of numerical analysis known simply as "math" | (148) |
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Front runner in Argentina's presidential race states that she's "No Hillary Clinton." With hot photographic proof | (153) |
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First it was gas stations. Then it was banks. Now it's supermarkets. Pretty soon, we'll live in an entirely self-serve world |