Sun July 15, 2007
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Godzilla rolls over in bed, gives Japan a shot in the ribs | (76) |
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"Urban mushing" takes hold in California. Your dog does not want to haul your fat ass around while harnessed to a scooter | (48) |
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In an effort to keep pace with Texas, Georgia may begin executing innocent people | (102) |
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"Stumpy, the duck born with four legs, has found love" (pics) | (55) |
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British man starts dating service for singles with bowel disorders. So if you're frustrated in Flushing, bummed out in Butte or companionless in Crouch End...this could be your big break | (68) |
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Diesel engines no good says crappy exec of crappy auto maker of the crappiest diesel engines ever to go into crappy cars built by crappy auto industry based in crappy Detroit. Rest of world points and laughs so hard they crap | (192) |
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A corporal testifying in a court-martial said Marines in his unit began routinely beating Iraqis after officers ordered them to "crank up the ultra-violence level." | (329) |
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Man goes to Houston gay bar, has drinks with gay man, goes back to gay man's apartment and stabs him to death because he was "definitely not gay" | (136) |
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Cops find bomb materials inside Utah man's home. Man looks like he used bomb on his face already (with mugshot goodness) | (137) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Elderly couple faced with homelessness after their home was sold at tax auction when they failed to pay delinquent tax bill of $1.63 | (181) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Picture of the space shuttle Discovery looking like it should have been put out to pasture a long, long time ago | (218) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
The 237 reasons to have sex. And you thought "feels good" was all you needed | (139) |
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Photoshop this sightseeing train | (58) |
| (Duke Chronicle) |  |
Duke student newspaper incorrectly states Starship Enterprise has cloaking device; Trekkie letter to the editor hilarity ensues. Duke sucks | (123) |
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Venezuelan students set up blackboards for free speech. Bart Simpson approves | (123) |
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Zookeepers: Theyyyyyyyyyyy're great | (73) |
| (WPVI) | |
Connoisseurs cringe as judges determine that California's best Chardonnay is "Two Buck Chuck," which sells for less than $3.00 a bottle | (242) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Goldilocks wanted for questioning | (53) |
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£10 million being spent on security to prevent any leaks of the latest Harry Potter book | (163) |
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Chinese parents worried their children may fall in love during their compulsory anti-obesity dance classes. Weight what? | (56) |
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God fails to save woman from Darwin at Christian music festival | (467) |
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Omg, my bff jill said u ksd my bf ur so omg a trk o no | (352) |
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Some people throw rice at weddings. This bride and groom threw each other, and then had a "celebratory brawl" with 100 guests. Surprisingly, no booze was involved | (29) |
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Fark's favorite reporter gets his bio updated. Desert Storm, O.J. pursuit, LA riots? Hardcore all the way | (68) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
If you've got to roast a pig, don't do it at 4 a.m. and don't do it in your garage | (68) |
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Photoshop these waders | (73) |
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Railway employees making £85,000 a year for essentially being late and acting surly about it vow to strike because they're underpaid | (63) |
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Man turns down five billion dollar fortune, never even thought about doing two chicks at the same time | (258) |
| (Fox 19) | |
Woman charged with arson after offering infant to Satan. Wait, what? | (58) |
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Houston cop designs door lock resistant to a police battering ram. It comes in flat black and crackhouse brushed steel | (55) |
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Dachshund adopts kitten, induces false pregnancy and milk production in order to nurse it. Your dog is just glad he ain't the baby's daddy | (51) |
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Trees that have graced some of London's most famous thoroughfares are the latest victims in the War on Terror | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop theme: Design a new mode of transport. Difficulty: Must be made up of things found in a kitchen. (LGT inspirational gadgets) | (40) |
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The newly crowned Bolivian beauty queen was stripped of her title after judges discovered she had worn fake braids during a pageant | (33) |
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Kimberly-Clark unveils new high-tech toilet paper dispensers that give out five sheets of TP per sitting, no more. "People generally in life will take what you give them," explains executive | (172) |
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Autistic child's tortoise mutilated. Parents fear pet may be a shell of its former self | (60) |
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Amputee beaten with his prosthetic leg, then run over | (53) |
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Sure, the kids are starving to death, covered in sores and cat urine - but mom's 17th level half-elf paladin KICKS ASS | (226) |
| (KATU) |  |
An employed fully-grown woman is living in an 84 square foot home that she made out of parts found in a dumpster. Strangely the article never mentions the word hippie | (132) |
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Taking a hint from the "Bibles for Porn" people, Police in Florida start a "Guns for . . . wait for it . . . shoes program" | (70) |
| (Amazon) | |
Now that Drew has a book and TV show, how else should he branch out his media empire? | (61) |
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Sadly, advances between ranch hands in real life are rarely as poignant as Brokeback Mountain made them out to be | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
When drinking and driving, throwing a beer can at the police car behind you is not a recommended way to avoid arrest | (16) |
| (Some Guy My TotalFark | Log out) | |
This week in overexaggeration: Florida park evacuated after a flare washes ashore | (52) |
Sat July 14, 2007
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According to Amnesty International, beheadings in Saudi Arabia are already 64 ahead of last year’s total | (167) |
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Giant reptile rises out of pond in Colorado, scares @#&$ out of young anglers (w/video report) | (61) |
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Fewer American children walk or ride to school. In a related story, FOX News to begin 12 part series: "Child abductors and sexual predators - are they in YOUR neighborhood?" | (68) |
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Yeah, there are giant chimps in jungles of Congo, and yeah they kill lions and howl at the moon | (78) |
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Convicted killer who staged a helicopter-assisted prison break back in 2001 escapes from prison again...via helicopter | (46) |
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'Mom of the year' candidate throws baby into moving car during argument (with scary mug pic) | (122) |
| (CPJ.org) |  |
Reporters reporting that reporter has left Laredo after threats against a fellow reporter. Reporting from Fark, I'm Submitter | (15) |
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Photoshop an invention to make married life easier. LGT to just one example | (59) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
When rushing to the hospital for emergency penis reattachment, don't forget to bring the severed penis with you | (63) |
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Church facing foreclosure is destroyed by lightning. God indicted for insurance fraud | (32) |
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Racism watchdog group doesn't think cunning plan all the way through, helps sales of racist book jump 3800% | (114) |
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Construction worker photographed dropping rock on NYC's most famous hawk, becomes city's most hated man (pic) | (186) |
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He's half the man he used to be...torso they thought | (71) |
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Springfield police patrolling park with headlights off discover woman's body. After running over it | (56) |
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Since most of the school teachers are on summer break right now, it's the dance teachers picking up the slack | (28) |
| (Joplin Globe) | |
"Recreational shooting inside home leads to homicide" | (48) |
| (Daily Bulletin) | |
FBI releases photos of "The Landscape Bandit" who dresses like a gardener and "smells like dirt." Some criminologists argue he's merely doing jobs that American bank robbers don't want | (18) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this amateur chemist | (49) |
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So... What's your choice for a great "road tune" when driving? Link goes to subby's choice | (406) |
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Fifty people pray for peace at the apartment complex where a man was shot to death. Naturally, nobody who actually lives in the complex joins them | (32) |
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I'll have the ramen with the teenage girls in it please | (50) |
| (Some TFette) | |
Here, Have yourself a super sensory chill out | (42) |
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Mathematician develops 12-bonk rule for finding true love. In other news, scientists perplexed by mathematician who has had sex 12 times | (96) |
| (Wisconsin State Journal) | |
Wisconsin man's affinity for secretly videotaping his sex partners "stems from a sense of impermanence of relationships" | (35) |
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Ohio waitress who has never bought a share of stock wins CNBC's $1 million dollar stock picking contest. Suck it, day traders | (56) |
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"Pygmie Musician Zoo Exhibit" would make an awesome band name. Or a human rights violation. Either way, this is what Fark was made for | (21) |
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Get off my lawn | (132) |
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Entrepreneurs take cross-merchandising to a new level, begin selling ecstasy pills with Harry Potter logo | (105) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this scrubbing woman | (80) |
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NOAA announces that La Nina will not happen for at least two more months. Which is either really good news or time to start evacuating Tampa | (55) |
| (moonamtrak.org) | |
Today is the 28th Annual Mooning of Amtrak in Orange County CA. Yes, alcohol is involved (w/SFW pics) | (59) |
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"Groping is never appropriate, even with costumed characters" | (145) |
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Six months after its release, AP gives Vista a report card: does not play well with others, disrupts class by talking too much, and is distracted by shiny things instead of performing scheduled tasks | (322) |
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Over three thousand fair and balanced pot plants found on Rupert Murdoch's California ranch. We report, you decide | (133) |
| (Aero News) | |
OSC says FAA kept ATC snafus at DFW on the QT | (41) |
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Iraq's Prime Minister says the country can manage without U.S. troops. Obvious and Unlikely tag fight it out in a bloody civil war that lasts for decades | (130) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption these wizards | (91) |
| (G. Pati) | |
14-year-old boy genius from remote village in India forgets how to speak Hindi, now only speaks fluent English with American drawl - after he hit his father in the head with a brick | (116) |
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Russia withdraws from major arms control treaty that governs deployment of Russian troops in Europe. Hi there, Cold War II. Nice to meet you | (152) |
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Taking the asshattery one step further, pub in England ordered to close its windows to stop cigarette smoke from drifting inside | (208) |
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If you're being deployed to Iraq and are afraid of getting hurt, hiring a hit man to shoot you might be a solution worse than the problem | (60) |
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Cat burglars steal credit card for cat food, burgers. I can haz stolen cheezburger? | (117) |
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Wisconsin State Senator runs over granddaughter... saddest story I have ever read | (223) |
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Angry man delivers his trash to city hall, then tears up the citations in front of officials. Dumbass tag rendered speechless | (31) |
| (Mining Journal) | |
Bigfoot hunters descend on Michigan, unaware it's illegal to shoot Bob Seger | (46) |
| (Macomb Daily) | |
Old geezer strolls down street using the old "I gotta pee" line on homeowners, swiping watches & purses, then cadging rides to his next crime scene. These are the crimes you commit when no Farmer's Markets are around | (11) |
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Twins who never knew the other existed bump into each other at a steakhouse. The mom says she was never told she had two babies and the doctors who performed her c-section stole and raised her second baby | (107) |
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US airports report increase in near-death experiences, soiled underwear | (21) |
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In these confusing times, it's nice to know cows and robots can live in harmony | (16) |
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"Here is the UK forecast for winter. It will be wetter, but drier. Perhaps" | (27) |
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Having solved all other problems, US State Department focuses on "killer" wasp infestation. EVERYBODY PANIC | (36) |
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Not news: Man leads police on a 90 minute chase. News: after destoying power station and cell towers. Fark.com: he was driving a tank (pics) | (62) |
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When your 2-year old boy falls down an 8-foot stairwell and sustains life-threatening head wounds, putting Popsicles on him is not a substitute for calling 911 | (99) |
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Police foil half-assed Columbine copycat plot on Long Island. FOIL | (38) |
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Ikea opens Ikea Hostel, a place where customers can stay overnight if they haven't finished their shopping | (49) |
| (Some Tuck) | |
Photoshop these sweltering Sicilian friars and their Birkenstocks | (44) |
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Not news: Man jogs to spice up life, Still not news: At 4 am every morning, Fark: Nude | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Most guys go out and get drunk after a bad breakup. This guy wrote a book about his ex, claiming she had HIV and a bipolar disorder. Then he gave the book to all her friends | (49) |
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Illinois town is pretty stoked they didn't elect a serial killer as mayor | (33) |
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Rhode Island: Well, the good news is we saved a bundle by prosecuting 17 year olds as adults. High five | (33) |
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How freaked out would you be if you saw your boss sleepwalk in the nude outside your bedroom? Three different times? | (40) |
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Remember those 29,000 rubber ducks circling the oceans ever since the container they were in fell off a ship in 1992? They're starting to invade the shores of England | (53) |
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Winnipeg police are searching for a missing house. Winnipeggers believe it's in Burton Cummings' moustache | (20) |
| (Small Town Papers) | |
11-year-old boy at campground hears something outside his tent, assumes it was his uncle playing a prank and smacks tent wall. Imagine his surprise when a bear bit the living bejesus out of his hand | (59) |
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Check out the mugshots of these guys who uuuuhhh... fell down, that's right, isn't it fellas? They fell down and hurt themselves during their arrests. The Smoking Gun is there | (82) |
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What's black, white, and red all over? | (86) |
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In what will be news to Farkers, apparently some members of internet subculture are adding funny captions to photos of cats | (359) |
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Having solved all other problems, Edinburgh officials ban auto-generated license plates that sort of spell the word "SNOT" | (30) |
Fri July 13, 2007
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One-bedroom with view of Central Park at The Plaza costs cool $5 million, totally worth it when you consider the free pet babysitting | (42) |
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Mexico informs tourists that a vacation spot can still be fun even during a cocaine-filled shootout | (31) |
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Court drops lawsuit against God after being unable to locate his address | (67) |
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Officials realize that building an elementary school in a cemetery wasn't the best idea | (59) |
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Man celebrates beating cancer by getting gored by a bull in Spain | (38) |
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Ric Romero says that there are many websites that give information on how to fix things and the best place to look for such websites are "search engines" | (62) |
| (Some Leper) | |
Photoshop this Collider Detector | (52) |
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Teenagers now think MySpace is totally not cool | (174) |
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Uʍo ɹnoʎ ɟo pɐǝʇsuı ɹɐɔ s,ǝslǝ ǝuoǝɯos oʇ sıɥʇ op 'ǝɯıʇ ʇxǝu | (62) |
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Believe it or not, "Cops" has been on the air for 20 years, as hard to put down as a slippery naked guy on PCP | (142) |
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Keith Olbermann uses his evil progressive brain to examine why Michael Chertoff's "gut feeling" is a bunch of fear-mongering horseshiat | (514) |
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Couple says Angels were photographed in Florida sky (with pic, video) | (190) |
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A story that starts of with "Three friends who were goofing around in an apartment with a loaded AK-47 are now in trouble with the law..." you know is just made for Fark | (68) |
| (GamePolitics.com) |  |
Heard about that big price cut for the PS3? Turns out it may be a clever PR scam that'll save you $0 | (211) |
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Man built a 50 ft Viking ship from ice-cream sticks and sailed it across a lake. Hopes to sail across the Atlantic | (70) |
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10-year-old steals car, leads police on a high speed chase, talks his way onto two airline flights then ends up being given probation by judge | (88) |
| (Shanghai Daily) | |
Today's "lady with a thousand cats" story brought to you by .... wait, a thousand cats? | (154) |
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Cute-ass newborn tiger triplets make their first public appearance. The first two are cute, but one was apparently born with a condition that does not allow it to close its mouth | (63) |
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Floridians, here's today's tip: don't attempt a handstand on your balcony's guardrail. The more you know | (67) |
| (A Cappella Books) |  |
REMINDER: Drew will be drinking and signing books in Atlanta 7:30 p.m. Saturday at Manuel's Tavern, see link for details and fun Q&A | (28) |
| (Nevada Appeal) | |
"I've never had this many cops before," said the drunken 23 year old woman who was chased down after driving into a pizza place, fleeing, and then crashing into another vehicle at a nearby intersection | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
With cost overruns and delays, state holds bridge opening party away from bridge | (29) |
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Polithe thoot bear in Athol | (90) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Plant something in the pot | (89) |
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After five years of trying to train them, US forces decide to just add Iraqi police to the "Shoot those guys, too" list and be done with it | (303) |
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If you've got an Osama Bin Laden lying around, he's just doubled in value | (109) |
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Charity that provides free telephone call and video satellite hookup between soldiers and their families for births, graduations, weddings and birthdays may have to shut down because they have run out of money | (60) |
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Legendary LSD maker Augustus Owsley Stanley III returns to San Francisco as a folk hero | (202) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's "Firefighters rescue hysterical two-year-old after she gets stuck in a toy vending machine" story brought to you by Middletown, N.Y. (pic) | (124) |
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Canadian Food Inspection Agency warns public that somebody put alcohol in Canadian beers | (60) |
| (Chicago Reader) | |
Not news: Newspaper runs TV ad promoting its award-winning editorial cartoonist. Fark.com: He was laid off in October | (32) |
| (WTNH) | |
Connecticut is the next state sending tax notices to smokers who bought cigarettes online. One individual owes more than $11,000, but will probably be dead by the time he gets his notice | (69) |
| (WGAL) | |
Baby born drunk. Doctors say his blood-alcohol count was six times the legal driving limit. Fortunately, they took his giant plastic keys | (225) |
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How do you know a list ranking the top states for business is made up? When New Jersey ranks #1 for quality of life | (82) |
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New Yorkers may find themselves unable to drive in New Jersey | (80) |
| (Cannabis News) | |
Drug Czar warns that illicit marijuana gardens are a terrorist threat | (186) |
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Pizza Hut waitress gets $10K tip. You're doing it right | (158) |
| (Some dope) | |
Florida criminal masterminds get busted trying to ship 18 lbs of pot via FedEx. An open joint investigation between sheriff's narcotics unit is now underway | (55) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Nothing says "I love you" like setting your girlfriend's car on fire | (95) |
| (ars technica) | |
New University of Oregon study reveals much of TV news is really just stealth advertising. Someone should write a book about this crap | (67) |
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A reminder to all fans of Internet radio: enjoy yourself online this weekend, because... wait, what's this about a reprieve? | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Except for a tragic accident, the 35th annual Bath Heritage Days parade went off without a hitch" | (29) |
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National study about teenage abstinence finds that apparently teens are getting uglier | (87) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The mother that got kicked off an airplane with her 19-month old son tried to tell her side of the story on 'Good Morning America' but got kicked off that show because her son wouldn't stop screaming (w/video) | (587) |
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Prison is the new Black | (103) |
| (klastv) | |
Armed robber leaves one victim with a black eye, both victims leave armed robber bleeding out of his nose, his eyes, his mouth and on a stretcher wearing a neck brace (w/mugshot goodness) | (205) |
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Squirrels looking for nuts dig up an ancient artifact in California | (66) |
| (stanford.edu) | |
Photoshop this pod race engineer | (59) |
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Libraries face $200,000 fines for opened Harry Potter books (with video) | (124) |
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News: Mayor accused of stealing council funds. Fark: So that he could buy women's underwear and a Darth Vader voice distorter | (46) |
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Armed man crashes party, threatens to shoot everyone, then realizes he's at the wrong place. "I think I may have come to the wrong house. I'm sorry. Can I get a hug?" | (107) |
| (Some Guy) | |
San Francisco Chronicle urged to scrap its presses, publish online only. "Killing print requires acknowledging that the old mode is dead" | (58) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman knits a full-sized Ferrari as art school project | (94) |
| (Orange County Register) | |
"You don't want to be spending a couple million dollars on your house and find you have a neighbor that's naked" | (102) |
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On the intarweb, private photos of your private parts aren't really private. Ric Romero reporting from his MySpace page | (53) |
| (Albany Times Union) | |
After five hours and five rounds of tear gas, police successfully end standoff with empty house | (61) |
| (WCSH6) | |
Looks like them Duke boys is at it again |