Sun July 01, 2007
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Man escapes house arrest with a little help from his best friend | (22) |
| (Salem News) |  |
Police arrest MySpace douchebag who was molesting underage girls (with mugshot) | (104) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop these metal things | (61) |
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Wife of soldier missing in Iraq gets Green Card out of sympathy after facing deportation | (43) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Bill collector gets fired for calling people in debt and saying things like, "You sound like Goofy: yucka, yucka, yucka." | (92) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
If you kick your soccer ball into the river, let it go. Cuz man, it's gone | (39) |
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Department of Homeland Security secret document is leaked, states that law enforcement authorities fear terror "spectacular" planned for summer | (280) |
| (nbc5) | |
Truck overturns, spilling pig parts and grease on Chicago's Edens Expressway. Dinner is served | (34) |
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"We have road rage," said Arlington Police Chief Fred Ryan. "And now we have bikeway rage." | (202) |
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Anchor gets stuck on Bush's boat; no word if he worked for Fox, ABC, or if it was that news tart | (46) |
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Mothra spawn chewing up foliage in NJ and PA | (28) |
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Indo-Canadian flies to India to meet future wife, marries her, sponsors her Canadian visa, flies back to Canada and lives happily ever after. Just kidding. She bailed on him after a week and he's on the hook for her expenses while in Canada | (76) |
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Web sites critical of Russian government mysteriously find themselves under cyber attack. How could that possibly be happening? | (40) |
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U.S. boosts security amid British copy cat concerns, afraid they may soon talk like us, listen to rock 'n roll, and have shows like "The Office" | (30) |
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Man claims his 1st Amendment rights were violated when he was arrested by NYPD for reciting the 1st Amendment | (117) |
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Heroin dealers ruining the good name of cheese. If they mess with bacon, they gonna get hurt | (79) |
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Town spends entire budget buy a theater and tear it down | (64) |
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Home owned by Tiger Woods destroyed by fire. Wife still hot | (56) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Alaska editorial: A friendly reminder, we live in godless killing machine country | (59) |
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Short people got no reason to miss the Dwarf Athletic Association of America's National Games, held this year in Seattle | (40) |
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Former wrestler Lex Luger made millions, flew in private jets and lived in mansions is now dead broke, sleeps on a used bed and keeps his clothes in neat piles on the floor | (157) |
| (Economist) | |
If you're a man in Eastern Germany, you're totally screwed. Or more precisely, totally NOT screwed, since there are 70 women for every 100 men | (72) |
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Man illegally reselling gas out of his 350-gallon capacity van does it wrong | (42) |
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"Condom up that rifle, boy, you don't want it to get dusty" | (58) |
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The soon-to-be-nation of Kosovo has announced an international contest to come up with a flag and symbols for the country. Surely Farkers are up to the task? Difficulty: Must be better than the current Albanian flag | (62) |
| (Some Tree Hugger) | |
Delaware State Police believe the best way to celebrate freedom this Fourth is to hide in the trees and liberate $216 from the wallets of passersby | (179) |
| (KABC - Los Angeles) | |
Ric Romero reports: "Companies Offer Cheaper Alternatives to the iPhone" | (192) |
| (Some Guy) | |
With world peace announced and the recent cure for cancer, AP publishes the finalists for "America's best restroom." | (37) |
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American Airlines terminal at JFK evacuated after a suspicious package is found on the curb. Turns out to be... cologne | (70) |
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"You know, half a gallon of rum, three hours and usually we come out with a workable solution." | (51) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Hard hitting, compassionate journalism: ten ways to get back at your ex during a flood | (100) |
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Fifth arrest made in the Glasgow airport incident where luckily no one was kilt | (94) |
| (Some vacuuming dude) | |
Researchers say sharing housework is the key to a good marriage, far surpassing good sex, lots of money, and being faithful | (159) |
| (Des Moines Register) | |
Pro-life fanatic apologizes for torching women's clinic after discovering that they did not actually perform abortions | (261) |
| (Winnepeg Sun) |  |
Happy Canada Day, Hosers. The Sun is where? | (156) |
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Man attacks peacock in a fast-food restaurant parking lot because he thought it was a vampire. Stay off the drugs dude | (56) |
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Stressed fish get bill of rights. At last the scales of justice have been balanced by the gills of . . . umm . . . something | (35) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this cyclist | (58) |
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105 year old man finally gets his wish to be a U.S. citizen | (44) |
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There are five types of alcoholics. That seems low | (178) |
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Inventor convinced investors to give $21 million to build imaginary Internet technology | (52) |
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Three things that can happen when your blood alcohol level is 0.22 : 1) You slice your wife's ear with a machete. 2) You slap a cop's arm. 3) You look crazy in your mugshot | (28) |
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According to a proposed law in Texas, if an engaged couple takes an eight-hour "successful marriage" course approved by the state they get a free marriage license. Those who don't pay a doubled fee of $60 | (104) |
| (Columbus Dispatch) | |
Knock, Knock. Who's there? Untimely demise. Untimely demise who? *thud* | (39) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
About half an hour before his 50K treadmill world-record attempt Friday, Tommy Neeson realized he'd forgotten a most important detail | (104) |
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Texas wants to make the Gulf of Mexico drinkable, realizing it has to taste better than Lone Star Beer | (39) |
| (Tucson Citizen) | |
You go thru life known as Andrew Sweetie "Junebug" Warrior Jr. & see if you don't get convicted of killing a crack dealer over $20; now if the "Boy Named Sue" was the jury foreman | (28) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Some moms buy beer for their son's friends. Others buy smokes. This mom drove her son's friend to a gang shooting | (21) |
| (Fox DFW) |  |
Woman shows up to iPhone line with fistful of cash, pays $800 to be first in line. She planned to buy all the phones in the store to sell on Ebay, but failed to think her cunning plan all the way through | (398) |
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Cessna crashes near cemetery in Arkansas, emergency crews have recovered hundreds of bodies | (41) |
| (Orlando Sentinel) | |
Floridians convict an 11-year-old terrorist after several assaults from his homemade slingshot | (79) |
| (Rochester D&C) | |
Having solved all other problems, town implements insanely complicated rules on how large your house can be | (56) |
| (BayNews9) | |
Gay Pride parade has it all: Presidential candidate with hot wife, spectator busted for throwing beer on protesters, protesters arrested for out-of-fashion signs. (with video goodness) | (101) |
Sat June 30, 2007
| (El Presidente) | |
They are soliciting designs for the George W. Bush presidential library (see linked story). Do your patriotic duty, Photoshop-Americans, and design an appropriate one | (99) |
| (Picture) |  |
Caption these girls in the trunk of a car | (124) |
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London 2012 Olympics organizers relent to Fark photoshoppers, will change butt-ugly logo | (82) |
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RIP Captain America 1941-2007 | (201) |
| (im in ur linkz) |  |
Give voice to your favorite feline or bucket-holding creature (post pic and link to audio) | (30) |
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PR guy from Roswell Area 51 left a letter to be read after he died - claims it wasn't a streetlight | (184) |
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UK police arrest two in connection with recent attempted terrorist attacks. Why is CCTV such a bad thing again? | (193) |
| (KPTV 12) | |
Oregon judge rules that lap dances are protected by state constitution | (67) |
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Exotic dancers in Daytona will have to cover up, says a federal judge. Maybe they should move to Oregon | (29) |
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List of new laws that go in effect July 1st | (122) |
| (Homeland Security) | |
US keeps threat level in the airline sector at High (or Orange). EVERYBODY DRINK UP BEFORE YOU BOARD | (100) |
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Theme: Because the unveiled Olympic logo is a tall, cold glass of suck, photoshop a suitable replacement | (70) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Town stages a mock funeral complete with funeral dirges and a horse-drawn hearse to bury negative thoughts about the town | (19) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Two sexy sisters follow the clues and track down the women who stole their credit cards, catching the bikini-clad thieves red-handed at a grocery store. Sounds like the plot to a late night movie on Cinemax | (155) |
| (The Home Office) |  |
Britain raises terror threat level to "critical" with more attacks expected imminently | (411) |
| (Some Paleontologist) | |
Scientists find a million year old human tooth fossil put on earth by Satan to trick us into believing in evolution | (447) |
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Having solved all other problems, Georgia considers limiting beer tastings at microbreweries | (54) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
For the Life of me, I can't Digest why some Mad man would enter People's Country Homes and try to Down Beat them | (44) |
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A family's attempt to go a full week without buying any product made in China ends up pretty much as you'd expect | (159) |
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Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there. Too bad she's unemployed now | (61) |
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South Korea to crack down on Internet trolls, require people to register with their real names. In related news, thousands of South Koreans named Heywood Jablome | (65) |
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21-year-old pregnant woman goes to jail because her yard had uncut grass, improper outdoor signage, excess trash, and tree debris (w/pic) | (207) |
| (WWL-TV) | |
Local judge says New Orleans is a very safe city, "unless you're between 18 and 35 years old, an African-American male, and you are involved in the drug trade." | (103) |
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Burning vehicle crashed into Glasgow Airport terminal | (520) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Sheriff caught driving with expired license, takes driver's test to get it back, fails test - "I did my three-point turn backwards" | (40) |
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Foot freak free from fetters following freakish photographic felony | (37) |
| (SunJournal.com) | |
"Very pissed-off" citizens group promises to bring open marijuana smoking and nude streakers to sidewalk sale in Norway, Maine | (70) |
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U.S. border officials built fence on wrong side of the U.S.–Mexico border | (141) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this concession stand | (62) |
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A hundred lightning strike survivors gathered for a conference to share stories, advice, lottery numbers | (27) |
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Shopkeeper was fined £250 because he tackled three thieves stealing from his shop | (114) |
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Domestic cats have ancient roots. Roots of Caturday unknown to scientists | (304) |
| (Some TFette) | |
Brave man foils robbery with... deodorant? | (26) |
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81 year old Igloolik elder found alive four weeks after he went missing in the Arctic. Yeah, he's hardcore | (68) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Normal: Police find stolen car and return it to the owner. Weird: It had been dumped in a river. Fark: In 1980 | (30) |
| (Muskogee Phoenix) | |
Pair of 22 year-olds bilk $400,000 in small-town Ponzi scheme. Victims include Chief of Police and several officers, an elementary school principal, and parents of the accused. Smug-shots included | (65) |
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Amputee beats bureaucrats, becomes a firefighter | (60) |
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Remember when your mom taught you to always say 'please' and 'thank you'? Turns out she was just trying to keep you from getting punched in the face | (68) |
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Because it is humanly impossible to keep incontinent Edmontonians from relieving themselves wherever and whenever possible, the City of Edmonton plans to install open-air urinals on Whyte Avenue | (32) |
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Couples to wed at 99¢ Only Store. "It's for those who could not afford to get married in a Wal-Mart." | (36) |
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Your roommate loses his leg in a car crash. You A) send him a get well card, B) ask him if there is anything you can do to help, C) steal his identity and max out his credit cards, or D) 42 | (31) |
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Woman killed while gyrating | (55) |
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Seattle solves pesky homeless problem by paying street musicians to play in parks. Wait, what? | (45) |
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Former Alaska Air CEO got rained on during his wedding day | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police seize five illegal poker machines and a grand total of $617 from a building. Now Air Supply will have to find a new casino to perform in this weekend | (37) |
| (Post-Crescent) | |
In his free time, Hurley from Lost apparently likes to carve cheese into national monuments. With pic goodness | (41) |
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Nigerian school receives 300 laptop computers for its students. As soon as they get electricity, things are really going to start looking up | (78) |
| (American Laundry News Dot Com) | |
There is a furor brewing amongst laundry experts. In other news, this country has laundry experts and they have a website. Okee dokee | (49) |
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'Help, I've lost my trousers', or 'Help, I've sniffed deodorant by accident': Britain's emergency 999 service marks its 70th birthday | (42) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this tiny crab | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The teenage birth rate has dropped to a 65-year low, thanks either to abstinence programs or contraceptives, depending on who you ask | (189) |
Fri June 29, 2007
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Australia now has 20,999,999 drunken yobbos and Elle Macpherson | (70) |
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Montana's TV meth ads not for squeamish. "My mom knows I'd never hurt her, then she got in the way." (With video goodness) | (268) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Man wearing only a t-shirt and a paintball mask spotted hiding between two vehicles with his hands “over his private parts and looking all around” | (33) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Wife won't answer your questions -- no problem, just grab the electric dog collar | (62) |
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Slow news day in D.C.: "Woman Hurls Dairy Queen Blizzard at Car in Road Rage" | (62) |
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S | (398) |
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Today's house containing 59 cats, 33 dogs, 26 chickens, five ducks and two goats brought to you from Dona Ana County, N.M. — the fourth in the area since mid-May | (51) |
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Backseat DVD players found to be the cheapest and most effective way to kill your kids | (104) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Joel Siegel, dead at 63, good night movie-man | (99) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Martinis, garter belts, bathing suits and high heels – why do good things pass away?" Best letter-to-the-editor. Ever | (221) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Remember that Mickey Mouse look-alike on Hamas TV? Producers killed the character off by having him beaten to death by an Israeli official | (389) |
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Tattoo mug shots, number 10 FTW. The Smoking Gun is there | (175) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Free Steak | (76) |
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Rare ugy-ass red pandas born at Edmonton Zoo | (57) |
| (Some Slurpee) | |
Porn star can't swallow the fact she still has to pay $159 speeding ticket despite the most persuasive oral argument in judicial history | (117) |
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MSNBC reports that "Cure" inflation rate falls below 2%. Robert Smith fans pleased with the news | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Wikipedia user admits to posting about the death of Chris Benoit's wife, calls it a "coincidence" | (95) |
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If you find a fetus in a middle school locker room, it might be, just MIGHT be... an orange? | (153) |
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London police find second car bomb - in their vehicle impound lot | (176) |
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Oregon town dismisses entire police department. Not a bad call when your ex-police chief sells Mary Kay products while on duty and does impromptu exorcisms on a guy she thought was possessed | (80) |
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Racial unrest erupts in Louisiana high school over a whites-only tree. Can't we all just get a log? | (456) |
| (Winona Daily News) | |
Actual headline: "Milwaukee kids to be in hot water for selling cold water to overheated drivers" | (59) |
| (KATU) | |
This is how we handle home invasions in Oregon | (316) |
| (Some dropout) | |
Photoshop technique challenge: Colorize this hippie van | (178) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Power blackout hits Phoenix during 110-degree weather. Had this been in New York, you would already be tired of hearing about it | (241) |
| (DeKalb Daily Chronicle) | |
Slurpee consumption increases with the rising temperature. Sky also reportedly some sort of "blueish" color | (84) |
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Astronaut Lisa Nowak's lawyer insists she was NOT wearing diapers during her cross-country attempted kidnapping. Will the public believe him? Depends | (110) |
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"Do not under any circumstances make any attempt on this land. We will not accept any tomfoolery by any criminal element, be it federal, state or local". New Hampshire couple vows to fight Feds to the death | (624) |
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London bomb plot, taking a page from the Chris Benoit story, was predicted by a web posting prior to police finding the car | (82) |
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Most Canadians know so little about their own country that they would flunk the basic test that new immigrants are required to take before becoming citizens | (182) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Attention Farkers who can imitate a British accent: Your talent can earn you $120,000 a year | (131) |
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AAA changes press release to include term 'midweek' holiday | (25) |
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One in five Australians have had sex at the office. Subby's shrimp looking for a Barbie | (55) |
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After much review, a federal judge rules that G-strings and pasties are not considered a conservative bikini | (71) |
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Moderate drinking may boost your health. Fit, buzzed, and intelligent is no way to go through life, son | (52) |
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Researchers take major step to create synthetic life in a laboratory. Here is your God now? | (103) |
| (WNDU) | |
It's not unusual for a car accident on a busy road to start a fight involving four people. But traditionally, the people wouldn't all be from the same car | (37) |
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If you drive a car along a rural road in Maine on the Fourth of July, you will die a horrible, horrible death | (64) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Anheiser-Busch sues championship craft brewer for attempting to patent "America's #1 brewery" | (107) |
| (Consumerist.com) | |
String bikinis now availible for toddlers. Dude, she's one | (214) |
| (nbc10) | |
Restaurant manager arrested after safecracking attempt. Bonus: He even left open the safecracking web page he was looking at | (15) |
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There is nothing new under the sun. The moon, however, seems to be doing something that no one can explain | (119) |
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Not news: summer concert by Rihanna and Hilary Duff gives out goodie bags to teenage concertgoers. Fark: bag contains condoms, adult store catalog, explicit CD titled "Vigina", "Barely Legal" suntan lotion, and sex coupons | (128) |
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Man answers "Wanted: paedophile to run child abuse website" ad. Jailarity? Verily, it ensueth | (67) |
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Mom declared "fit" for - shudder - incest trial. With horrifying mugshot that, frankly, harshes with extreme prejudice any MILF fantasy ever had as well as well as demanding a pre-emptive apology to the FARK community from yours truly | (282) |
| (Mercury-Register) | |
Illegal aliens serve a necessary purpose, because they will file the personal injury lawsuits that regular Americans won't | (107) |
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Teenager's plea deal to avoid jail time for fatal car crash revoked after he posts pics of himself drunk on his Myspace page | (127) |
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And so it begins... US Supreme Court agrees to hear case regarding whether Guantanamo Bay detainees can challenge their detentions in federal courts. The Constitutional Showdown trifecta is complete | (261) |
| (Ad Age) | |
Study finds beer companies not spending enough ad money convincing you not to drink beer. This is why we have an Obvious tag | (52) |
| (Some 60%) | |
Survey finds that 40% of Atlantic Canadians would rather have beer than sex. Well obviously: a beer lasts longer, and it's pretty tough to fark and fish at the same time | (47) |
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With nothing more pressing to keep him busy, Mayor of Philadelphia has time to wait in line for the new iPhone | (94) |
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Shop smart. Shop S-Mart | (141) |
| (Some Guy) | |
If you only see one photo of a dog wearing a crocodile suit today, this one should be... wait, he's wearing WHAT? | (78) |
| (WOAI) | |
Man ignores barricades and police cars to attempt to drive across a swollen river, promptly discovers that his truck is not a flotation device | (93) |
| (Some greenthumb) | |
Witness the opening of one of the world's most bizarre flowers, complete with live Webcam link | (41) |
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New hotness: Women going on sex tours look for their "big bamboos" and "Marlboro men" | (73) |
| (WGCL) | |
Diabetic man kicked off Amtrak train has been found. Lawsuitalarity expected in 3... 2... 1 | (87) |
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82-year-old man threatens to kill his 39-year-old wife for fooling around with a strapping young stud of 57 | (43) |
| (Rochester D&C) | |
Man gets arrested for driving with out a license, gets bailed out, promptly drives away right in front of police | (27) |
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FDA announces booty call | (45) |
| (NYT) | |
Having banned smoking, fat and impure thoughts, New York takes another step closer to being Nanny State by requiring a permit for public photography | (175) |
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For at least 10,000 years, kids in Peru have really hated the vegetable that Mom served for dinner | (74) |
| (All Africa) | |
Proving our African brothers are not so different from Farkers, average Nambibian found to drink thirty bottles of beer weekly. "An odd bottle of beer for breakfast is not really that big a problem" | (77) |
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New fun game in Myanmar: stealing electrical cable during blackouts. You lose if you're not done when the power comes back on | (44) |
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34 of 37 countries polled picked the U.S. as the biggest threat to the world environment. The other three picked Trident for their citizens who chew gum | (133) |
| (Rochester D&C) | |
Actual Headline: "No plans? Here are 10 things to do this weekend." Actual number of things to do listed: 7 | (95) |