Sun June 24, 2007
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Museum delivery arrives 34 years late | (16) |
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Darwinian teenage girl intelligently designed a beat down for three would be muggers who had naturally selected her car as a target | (46) |
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Author of "The Dangerous Book for Boys" starts one-man campaign against wussification of boys | (236) |
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In true American fashion, a New York student is suing to overcome an 'F' | (52) |
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What do a woman wrapped in sausages, a bag full of elephant manure, and a skinned monkey all have in common? | (66) |
| (Jackson Hole Star Tribune) |  |
Best paid employees are most likely to steal. Easy Button unavailable for comment | (75) |
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Investors are realizing that lending $750k to someone making $12/hr might have been a bad idea "'We want our money back. And if we can’t get our money back right away, we may seize collateral and sell it.'” | (124) |
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Lots of teenagers are getting their breasts surgically altered. Girls too | (99) |
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Three guys complete three-day sailing voyage down Brisbane River in boat made entirely of beer cans. "We were just sitting around in our shed drinking beer and wondering what we could do with all the cans" | (32) |
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Over 30 dead in Southeast Europe due to massive heat wave. The Sun is there | (86) |
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U-Haul International Inc. is placing its customers at risk through lax safety standards and inaccurate safety practices | (104) |
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Canadian students could soon be graduating from "Taco Bell High" | (56) |
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Never interrupt serious Yahtzee players for sex with girlfriend. That's a stabbin' | (54) |
| (9 News) | |
Denver city attorney apparently commits suicide after stealing a laptop and downloading pornography onto it. "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?" defense apparently not used | (64) |
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British Release 25K inmates due to overcrowding. If only they had somewhere else to put these folks, like a penal colony somewhere | (48) |
| (Buffalo News) | |
Kids humiliated as school forces them to eat only cheese sandwiches for lunch if their parents are delinquent on cafeteria costs | (194) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
A law forcing hospitals to give contraception to rape victims violates religious freedom says Catholic bishop, who doesn't understand why young boys would need it anyway | (263) |
| (Some Guy) | |
You will soon need a government permit to wear a kilt in Scotland | (46) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this kid on a mouse | (57) |
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Ancient Chinese city re-rediscovered under Oklahoma City | (65) |
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Former All-Star reliever Rod Beck dead at 38 | (133) |
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Teen night at local strip club draws faithful flocks. What could possibly go wrong? | (57) |
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In celebration of those with too much disposable income | (88) |
| (Strange Maps) | |
Where on Earth was Middle-Earth? | (144) |
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I saw a $1 million federal civil rights lawsuit | (65) |
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Florida middle school teacher accused of having sex with a 15 year old former student said he believed he was meeting with the girl's older sister. Older sister, yea that's the ticket | (36) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Gov Rod bluh-GOY'-uh-vitch’s (IL) meth-am-FEHT'-uh-meen makers rej-uh-stree goes on-lahyn | (111) |
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Reunited and it feels so good / Reunited 'cause we understood / There's one perfect fit / And with Prince William, this one is it / We both are so excited / 'Cause we're reunited, hey, hey | (44) |
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Florida holding a contest for a new state song. Any suggestions, Farkers? | (202) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
Al Sharpton upset that the media doesn't care about missing black girls as much as missing white girls | (291) |
| (Island Packet) | |
Reporting your car stolen, forgetting the drugs in it, leaving footprints in the dew at a golf course burglary, and showing up at the police station with money stolen from a Subway means you FAIL at crime (with mugshots) | (61) |
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Photoshop theme: What will Bob Barker do with his time now that he has retired? | (63) |
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If they bring a knife, you bring a gun. If they bring a chainsaw, ummmm... | (70) |
| (Knox News) | |
Man attempts to steal steaks by stuffing them down his pants. Your dog gives an A for effort | (29) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Woman blinded by Our Lady of the Rays. The sun is there | (31) |
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If you were ever curious about how many shovel-hits it takes to kill a deer, the Tennessean has an article for you | (67) |
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Paleontologists name stegosaurus tail-weapon "thagomizer" after Gary Larson "Far Side" cartoon | (125) |
| (Courier-Journal) |  |
You know you're having a bad day when the evidence you try to throw off a bridge misses the river and lands in front of a cop car | (28) |
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How to steal a million bucks over twenty years | (66) |
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Winner of Tulsa's buried 1957 Plymouth was only off population guess by 2,000 residents. But it's cool. He croaked in 1979 | (51) |
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Man threatens police with fake gun: "do you want a bit c**t, you'll get it pig" | (30) |
| (The Maine Edge.com) | |
Mini-Golf: Sport or cheap date? Hint: There's a World Minigolf Sports Federation | (25) |
| (Some "Journalist") | |
Not news: Couple sees "angel" in tree they cut down. Still not news: Couple sees "angel" in tree they cut down. NOT NEWS, DAMNIT: Couple sees "angel" in tree they cut down | (151) |
| (New Zealand Herald) | |
Tuiatua Tupua Tamasese Tupuola Efi to be Samoa's next O le Ao o le Malo. The Aristocrats | (27) |
| (International Herald Tribune) | |
While most of the American army showed up for WWII just two years late, this plane will arrive 65 years late | (95) |
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Chemical Ali to meet Saddam Hussein at Satan's bedside | (156) |
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The Dinosaur Plant can go 50 years without water and still come back to life. It can also help you piss like a T-Rex | (31) |
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Green Prince Charles produced 1,500 tons of carbon dioxide last year | (59) |
| (Stars and Stripes) |  |
Could your teen go without sugar, cell phone, or Internet for 11 days? Could you? | (168) |
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Photoshop President Bush and Bono | (72) |
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Teacher posts video blog calling her students 'little shiats' who deserve to be slapped by their clammy-handed permissive parents. Neglects to realize students and parents have access to the internet | (130) |
| (National Geographic) | |
Authorities uncover expansive skeleton smuggling operation linked to Buddhist monks, who apparently like to use leg bones as blowhorns and drink out of skulls | (46) |
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Illegal immigrants given Red Bull to help them sneak across the border find out the hard way that it doesn't actually give them wings | (162) |
Sat June 23, 2007
| (Some Guy) | |
Overly aggressive advertising: five killed by collapsing billboards. Apply directly to forehead | (26) |
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There's an aging, half-senile monkey on the loose in St. Louis. Again | (38) |
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Barber stabs second client with scissors this decade. Hoping for trifecta before 2010 | (29) |
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It's cheaper for poor people to pay check-cashing fees than to pay overdraft fees | (230) |
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Tennessee promises to card 70-year-old and older beer drinkers. Police sting operations sign up 69-year-old volunteers to make sure | (84) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Think you had a bad day? Try finding a dead bull in your bathroom on for size | (37) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It took one man 13 years to grow out his dreadlocks. It took one jail employee just minutes to shave them off. It took the man even less time than that to file a lawsuit (with before and after pics) | (181) |
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Putin claims that the Soviet Era is less bleak than US history | (212) |
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Mom gives new baby twenty-five middle names honoring former champion boxers | (70) |
| (DKos) | |
Cheney: Vice Presidents aren't subject to executive branch rules. House Dems: Then no, you can't have executive branch funding. Not yours | (297) |
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Bachelor parties about bonding, not strippers. And NASCAR drivers turn right ... not left | (44) |
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Man hits 24 cars while drunkenly looking for a parking spot. Police later arrest him for DUI | (34) |
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Body of missing pregnant lady found in Ohio. Arrest of the boyfriend on 2 counts of murder | (328) |
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University of Spoiled Children may invite high-school dropout David Beckham to lecture on global diplomacy | (63) |
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Obama: Our enemy has hijacked their faith. If you guessed Muslims, you FAIL at politics | (233) |
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Gone are the halcyon days of just picking a name because you like how they sound. Like Dweezil and Moon Unit | (203) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Don Cherry | (67) |
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Appalachian trail hike. Calamine? Check. Sunscreen? Check. Clothes? Not so much | (49) |
| (News Tribune) | |
Three families receive death threats via cell phone. Even when the phones are off. Even when they get new phones. And they're coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE | (218) |
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The Cyclone, NYC's very first rollercoaster, turns 80 today | (43) |
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Civil War items on the auction block today in Gettysburg include Custer's battle flag & U.S. Grant's crunk-sword. "Too soon" cry the locals | (36) |
| (Bob Geiger) | |
Member of the blogger "fringe element" describes his day fighting for the destruction of our nation | (136) |
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"Arrested, cleared, and all set to sue" | (83) |
| (SunJournal.com) | |
CDC warns that antiques may contain mercury. One woman sums it all up: "I don't lick the antiques" | (99) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
When you're the top candidate for a new government job, don't send out emails insulting your past, present and future coworkers. The local newspaper just might publish them on the day of your final interview | (41) |
| (Seacoast online.com) | |
Decision on what to do with the Frisbee School still up in the air, hopefully will come around the back for a perfect return | (17) |
| (projo.com) | |
Man with squeaky clean record charged with 1975 teenage rape | (218) |
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Robber strikes down upon victim with great vengeance and furious anger. Gets caught after victim says he resembles famous actor | (66) |
| (Some Dom) | |
Scientists discover that whipping therapy can cure depression, suicidal thoughts. So go beat up (and cure) an emo kid today | (111) |
| (News Channel 9) | |
Thanks to Spiderman, couple is alive after their house caught fire in the middle of the night | (51) |
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Tens of thousands of people in the UK are paying fraudsters to sit their driving test for them | (35) |
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Americans support stem cell research by a 56-32 percent margin. Remember when Presidents used to govern by poll numbers? Ah... those were the days | (240) |
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Which decade was better for music videos, the 80's or the 90's? Difficulty: must make your argument by posting a music video | (426) |
| (KATC.com) | |
Unused Katrina-issued house trailers sent to South Dakota Indian reservations because FEMA says they can't be used in a flood zone | (85) |
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English woman marries NC death row inmate, figuring it won't be long before they're parted. Citizenship angle strangely absent from this touching article | (34) |
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The Fark Caturday thread. Let me show it to you. (Link haz a flavor) | (360) |
| (Some Suck Up) | |
Photoshop Drew's book in an unusual place. LGT (really lame) inspiration | (90) |
| (myfoxny.com) | |
Exit 11 from New Jersey Turnpike produces ugliest dog in America (with ass-ugly picture) | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Harry Potter spoiler thread. I can't believe that _________ | (224) |
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It's the 21st century - I want my flying car, robot maid, and cup of tea in a pill. Well, one out of three ain't bad | (29) |
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Man pushes cart for 3,000 miles across the U.S. for charity | (27) |
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Apparently owning a Ferrari is now a sin | (92) |
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Cops get into high speed chase with an RV which crashes into a house. Just another day in Utah | (22) |
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Poison McFlurries, Kosher bacon and poop-burgers: McDonalds supersize their FAQ | (45) |
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Stop me if you've heard this one before: "U.S. may reduce forces in Iraq by Spring" | (61) |
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Mike Tyson fan gets confused in a bar fight and bites off a nose instead of an ear | (22) |
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Remember those message from God billboards? Now Satan's got his own. Copycat | (108) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Future moon jobs may be high-stress. However, here on the moon, our weekends are so advanced, they encompass the entire week | (49) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Drunken idiot who broke his back after falling off scaffolding sues the company that put it up, claiming it was "too accessible" and too easy to climb | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Truck carrying whisky crashes in Scotland, raising fears that environment will be "polluted" by the sweetest liquid known to man | (22) |
| (Bob Harris.com) | |
CNN apparently stands for "Can't Name Nations" as they mis-identify Afghanistan on the map | (63) |
| (Some Guy) | |
One in three Brits has dumped a lover because they were "a bad kisser." C'mere - submitter wie like to gie ye a wee Glasgow one | (19) |
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Man tries to hide illegal gun from police by stuffing it up his ass. Bonus: it happened in Tooting | (47) |
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Lawyer vandalizes 11 cars during drunken walk home from mum's 80th birthday party. His attorney claims it was "totally out of character" as his usual victims are people | (20) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Israeli futurologist warns of nanotech-armed cave dwelling Muslim terrorists." Someone should write a book about how the media tends to blow stupid crap into fear-mongering headlines | (38) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Even though they can't even speak comprehensible English, children in Glasgow offered chance to learn Japanese from Celtic star Shunsuke Nakamura | (33) |
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Woman planning to sue hairdressing chain after dye left her head looking like a balloon. The Sun is there and unfortunately they brought a photographer | (72) |
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Self-employed landscaper struck by lightning... on a cloudless, sunny day. Here comes the science | (35) |
| (NASA) | |
Photoshop this nebula | (62) |
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Not news: School principal censors yearbook. News: By having teachers color over the offending pic with magic marker. Fark: Pic was of gay couple kissing. Uh-oh: Heterosexual kissing pics were allowed | (372) |
| (Honolulu Advertiser) | |
You can't bring nail clippers and can barely wear clothes. But a lot of Hawaiians seem to think you can still bring fireworks on flights. It's almost as if some guy named Drew wrote a book and predicted this would be a Seasonal Article | (35) |
| (News Letter) | |
Northern Ireland gasoline prices nearing $9 a gallon. Molotov cocktails now thrown in half-pint bottles | (59) |
| (Vail Daily, CO) | |
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail shall keep the postmen from their appointed rounds. Nor the cruel tyranny of pants, now that you mention it | (34) |
Fri June 22, 2007
| (Some Guy) | |
The 10 most bizarre beers | (135) |
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Step 1) Man crashes his Lamborghini into FBI plane. Step 2) Man sues FBI. Step 3) Profit? I don't think so | (42) |
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With no more pressing problems to solve, mayor of San Francisco declares war on plastic water bottles | (76) |
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"My car's in the drink, I've got dentures in my hand and this guy Keith from Clyde's Towing goes swimming" | (21) |
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We laugh at your atomic bombs. Your Mad Dog 20/20, not so much | (42) |
| (Oakland Tribune) | |
Hydrant propelled airborne by SUV, kills man | (75) |
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Tonight, Hank Medress sleeps with the lions | (29) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Madman wielding skull and King Arthur's sword convicted of harassing dancing street preacher | (31) |
| (roanoke.com) | |
If you happen to see a silo on fire right off Interstate 81 this weekend, the Virginia State Police would NOT like to have a word with you | (59) |
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Attorney General resigns | (297) |
| (Some Space Agency) | |
This girl training for CPR in null gravity is just begging for a photoshop | (83) |
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Desert dwellers call for a mass extermination of coyotes after discovering they regard small dogs as a tasty appetizer. ACME Corporation unavailable for comment | (108) |
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Apple suck-up watch: "It's not just a new kind of cell phone, it's a cultural watershed" | (165) |
| (Rochester D&C) | |
Police bust nets 870 pounds of pot. Even more impressive, the reporter just happened to know how many joints you could roll from that amount | (96) |
| (Statesman.com) | |
94 year old Lady Bird Johnson has been hospitalized. News editors begin spellchecking their pre-written obituaries | (69) |
| (WRAL) | |
Mr. Smith, I'm telling you for the last time, I don't care that you're an amputee. The electric shopping carts are for fat people only | (176) |
| (Post Star) | |
Driver of speeding boat hits another boat, becomes airborne, hits a dock, hits a second boat, lands on a third boat, sinks, wades to shore, says "ta-da" and runs away | (72) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"I'm getting ready to send my little girl off to kindergarten, and the fact that she could go up and ask her teacher a simple question and be able to glance down at pornography when we don't even allow that in our homes." | (114) |
| (LaLa Times) | |
Eh brah, your surfspot too crowded? Dude, I'll sell you the next set wave for $2.99 | (112) |
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4% of American adults cannot relate to Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" | (265) |
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Please be advised that the drum circle, human sacrifice and campfire orgy has been moved to 5pm on Saturday. Love, Archdruid Skip | (102) |
| (Some Memphis Farker) | |
Memphis Fark party, June 30th at the Fox and Hound. Or is this really just an intricate plot to rob you and steal your car? In any case, make sure you gas up and have small bills handy before you arrive | (65) |
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Teen walking along Long Island Railroad shocked that she gets to be the conductor | (245) |
| (Some Beermeister) | |
Man saves beer from burning house | (84) |
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Old & busted: molecular gastronomy. New hotness: molecular cocktails | (62) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Love triangle leads man on robbery spree so he could buy his girlfriend a trailer. No, really | (36) |
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Article about the opening of a new Ripley's Believe it or Not musuem in New York provides enough FARK photoshop material to last into the next millenium | (62) |
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Gigantic "mile-wide" UFO spotted by British airplane pilot. I want to believe! | (150) |
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Two year old accepted to Mensa, proving that she's an equal of Stephen Hawking in terms of intelligence, incontinence | (203) |
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Correct use of an escalator: a) Walk on the left, stand on the right b) Stand on the left side, blocking those who wish to hurry by c) Drunkenly swing a sword while standing on the hand rails and wearing a dayglow kilt | (164) |
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Court sends psychic to jail for being full of crap. Legitimate psychics breathe a sign of relief as their good name is cleared | (91) |
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Wal-Mart shuns gay groups. Yeah, like they shopped there anyway | (256) |
| (Can you hear me now?) |  |
Caption these graduates on their cellphones | (102) |
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Columnist complains that many people online are spoiler-posting asshats. In other news, Rosebud is a sled, Snape kills Dumbledore, and Tony Soprano ends up getting | (1259) |
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News: Man under investigation for impersonating state trooper. Also news: He was previously cited for "pulling over" a New York Times reporter. Fark: He's one of Mitt Romney's top campaign aides | (104) |
| (Verizon) |  |
I keep re-dialing, but she hasn’t popped out of my screen yet. (Sponsored link) | (102) |
| (NASA) | |
LIVE: Coverage of the Space Shuttle Atlantis landing | (651) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Your government in action: The White House links marijuana to violence and gang membership | (251) |
| (The Daily Redundancy) | |
Black holes given a "less offensive" name by an international council | (232) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Men are 12 times more likely than women to get bitten by another person. The conclusion is beer and the little-known "what the fark you lookin' at?" syndrome | (67) |
| (U.S. News & World Report) | |
Part of the pay gap may be caused by the college majors chosen by women. Don't worry, sweetie, article contains no math or heavy lifting | (389) |
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R2-D2 mailbox stolen. Police order every last bit of the ship... er neighbhorhood... searched | (116) |
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You know by now not to cry over spilled milk. Getting arrested, however... that's a different story. The Smoking Gun is there | (134) |
| (Chattanoogan) | |
Man wanders onto miniature golf course carrying a machete. But it's okay, he was just looking for his escaped pet raccoons. Wait, what? | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Caption this turtle repair | (100) |
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"Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet" | (424) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this chocolate fountain | (74) |
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Warehouse fire burns up 2000 pounds of marijuana. Thirty-five firefighters, 1000 gallons of water, five gallons of chemical suppressant, and 70 bags of Cheetos required to extinguish the blaze | (112) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Nnnneww tttreeeeatment for pppParkkkiinsonsssuffffersss | (83) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Outgoing British prime minister to convert from being an Anglican to a Catholic after he leaves office in latest development in the Blair switch project | (83) |
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One-third are "comfortable," another third have "enough to meet expenses," the remaining third "don’t have enough for the basics." It's not the presidential candidates -- it's your fellow Americans | (531) |
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Woman -- concerned that the election board isn't stringent enough -- registers her dog to vote, even though he's a Republican | (54) |
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The strangest story about morris dancing and prison overcrowding you're going to read all day | (55) |
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French company claims to be developing "CO2 absorbing plant." Hey, wait just a damn minute... | (141) |
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Tony Blair reveals that he's been wearing the same shoes for 10 years but swears he's gone t |