Sun June 17, 2007
| (Some Guy) |  |
God tries to steal slippers from Payless. Your god wants to go to PMITA prison | (5) |
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Amazing new study shows sitcom dads are more supportive and accepting than real life dads. In other news, they cured cancer | (3) |
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Women in Scotland prefer jail to life with Scottish men, according to new report. Begbie unavailable for comment | (6) |
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In hindsight, maybe an urban activity, like jogging, isn’t the best thing to do in an African wildlife preserve | (19) |
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Big Oil: "You want ethanol and biodiesel? Fine, we're not going expand our gasoline refineries. Enjoy paying over $3 a gallon, suckers." | (130) |
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Woman sues funeral home for wrongfully cremating her husband. Then it gets weird | (47) |
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Kansas City mayor defends the acceptance of a new Honda Civic, saying that "The new mayor is not mentally challenged. Somebody offers you a brand new car you take it" | (21) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
The Heineken Experience: for only 10 euros, have a sip of the original Heineken recipe and tour the place where wings take dream | (40) |
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Newton's fourth law - We'll die in 2060 - Everyone panic | (76) |
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Face of Jesus found in tree. Wait, no, nevermind... it is just the town's dead mayor | (39) |
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Don't mess with French winemakers | (58) |
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It's 4am and you find your liquor store is closed. Do you: A) Go home and wait till tomorrow B) Go find another liquor store or C) Go rob a backhoe and use it to tear off the front of the store so you can help yourself | (50) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop these deflated party balloons | (43) |
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In hindsight, putting a 22-year-old in charge of your state's 64,000 employees' Social Security numbers may not be a good idea | (106) |
| (Some God Photographer) |  |
Church members claim the face of God has appeared on their sanctuary's ceiling. Bonus: Photos of God included | (202) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Professional jump roping? Who woulda thunk | (30) |
| (Naples News) | |
It’s that time of year when summer fun begins and newspapers feel the need to remind us that fun will kill us | (36) |
| (Newsbusters) |  |
Hamas looters steal Arafat's Nobel Peace Prize | (91) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Wonder why there's so many people at Sunday services at that church? Maybe the pastor is selling drugs out of it | (33) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Consider Dallas Byrnes, a Rutgers sociology major. "I just picked sociology because in those classes, I got A's," she said. "But it's finally hitting me that I have no clue what I am going to do now." | (277) |
| (Some Guy) | |
A sticky traffic situation is topping the news in Colorado, where icing has closed the interstate in June | (30) |
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What to do when it's 100 degrees and bone-dry? Launch model rockets. What could possibly go up in flames? | (30) |
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Not News: Car stolen. News: Car actually recovered. Fark: Car stolen again the same day | (39) |
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Today's weather forecast for northern Israel: Hot, dry, and a 70% chance of falling rockets | (128) |
| (Some Waco Wacko) | |
Fired for eating a hamburger? Ted Nugent takes Paul McCartney to task. Your dog DOES NOT want veggies | (218) |
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"Tombstoning" - it's not just a clever name | (45) |
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Petting zoo guidelines often not followed, sheep run scared | (14) |
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Starting today, employers and landlords in NJ can no longer discriminate against transgendered people. That's a better Father's Day gift than another set of lingerie | (193) |
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"Hey, um, can you come over and deflate this sea bass for me? Thanks." | (44) |
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Houston police have issued 2,200 tickets since May 4th .... for having a license plate bracket. "It gives the impression that they're just trying to collect revenue." | (201) |
| (Roanoke Times) | |
Drunken, texting driver plows into crowd | (64) |
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Excessive mating shuts down Italian airport | (35) |
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Photoshop this walk along the industrial shore | (76) |
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Thanks to the rise of the noveau-skanque, boxed wine is making a comeback | (174) |
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The absolute cutest, cuddliest baby giant manta ray ever | (81) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Spider-man, Spider-man, if anyone can catch him the Mounties can | (19) |
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Remember all those cool enlightened people who made predictions about the future? Turns out the only one they got right was that Duke would suck | (67) |
| (Gwinett Daily Post) |  |
Man wins 2007 Father of the Year award for putting up with seven daughters and wife. “I basically just give in pretty quickly because you don’t win when you’re up against six or eight women” | (118) |
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Topless woman awarded $29,000 after arrest, assault and commitment to mental hospital by NYC police officer who didn't know it's been legal for women to shed their shirts in the city since 1992 (SFW pic) | (164) |
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"I love my new C cup breasts" | (278) |
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Iran angry about Sir Salman Rushdie's knighthood. What a surprise | (140) |
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Photoshop a Father's Day card | (44) |
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One fish, two fish, red fish... live fish on my plate? | (34) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this glass of wheat beer | (62) |
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You shouldn't eat foie gras because...uhmm...what was I saying? | (68) |
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What's the most important thing your dad taught you? | (488) |
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United Nations warns of fighting in East Timor by text message. OMG WTF EVRBDY PNC | (15) |
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A drag racing vehicle in a parade lost control and veered off into crowd killing 4. Hey Vern, hold my beer and watch this | (66) |
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Old & Busted: Wine Cellar. New Hotness: Davy Jones' Locker | (16) |
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US astronaut sets spaceflight record: longest spaceflight by a woman not wearing Depends | (19) |
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Adorable ass baby hippo makes its public display | (30) |
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Officials study orange streak on freeway just outside of St. Louis. The streak is of unknown origin but a coyote with rocket shoes on was seen soon after it appeared | (43) |
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According to the UN Secretary-General what is the underlying cause of the Darfur genocide: (a) ancient ethnic tensions, (b) ancient religious tensions, or (c) global warming? | (158) |
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Australia announces 80,000 unemployed people to be forced to work for their welfare checks | (121) |
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As God is my witness, I thought St. Bernards could fly | (28) |
| (Green Options) |  |
Drink locally, think globally: Beer ecology | (18) |
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Paying taxes makes you happy and gives you satisfaction | (146) |
| (Tech.co.uk) | |
84% of Brits get lost on the average road trip, prefer to get directions from Homer Simpson | (46) |
Sat June 16, 2007
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Oh, no, there goes Pompano, Go go iguanas | (53) |
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Elvis rock trumps Jesus toast any day of the week | (45) |
| (NASA) | |
Photoshop Space Shuttle Program Manager Wayne Hale and his main engine low pressure oxidizer turbopump housing bolt insert whatchamacallit thingamajig | (98) |
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Rottweiler plus dachsund equals... weener-rot? Cute puppies nonetheless | (145) |
| (Charleston Daily Mail) | |
Ronco unveils broke-o-matic | (72) |
| (asiaone) | |
Angry Malaysian moviegoers go on rampage, wrecking cinemas, setting fires, and beating up managers. In a world of screening delays ... one crowd ... was pushed ... just ... too ... far | (43) |
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Not planning on getting your mojo working tonight? Consider a donation | (40) |
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Near the Superdome, in an unmarked warehouse, lie 100 plastic-wrapped coffins filled with Katrina victims awaiting burial. How 'bout dem Saints? | (250) |
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Having a drink in a New York nightclub now averages more than $10 | (136) |
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Dracula's castle given back to his family. Blah | (46) |
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Almost everything we think we know about the Bible and sex is wrong | (617) |
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The model for the Cream of Wheat box finally gets his grave marked--69 years later | (56) |
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Some parents would rather have their kids drink at home rather than out at a party. With pic of sexy teen party | (162) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Americans less happy today than 30 years ago | (158) |
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Judge says $100 million 'typo' can't be fixed | (62) |
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Nifong gets raped by the NC State Bar, loses his law license. Duke sucks | (233) |
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Happy 50th birthday Frisbee. Sincerely, 50,000 slobbery dog mouths | (48) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Here comes the science: people who play video games are better at driving, surgery, killing hordes of lurching demons | (82) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"Multi-penised, six-legged, two-anused piglet given silly name" | (99) |
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Tijuana aims to be the salad-tossing capital of the world | (37) |
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Photoshop a busy bee | (91) |
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Man puts on fake crocodile head and smears himself with hippo dung so he can observe Nile crocs closely. Darwin watches gleefully | (34) |
| (Some Guy) | |
The worst jobs in science. Number 3: What's grey and comes in quarts? | (82) |
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If you want to see the Jefferson Memorial, you'd better hurry up before it sinks | (54) |
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"Arise Sir Salman Rushdie" | (114) |
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Family loses $1.5 million in the most astonishing and complex variation of the Nigerian 419 scam ever | (114) |
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Old & Busted: Stratocaster. New Hotness: Ukelele? | (129) |
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Restaurants sue NYC over law mandating that calories be listed on menus | (73) |
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Gimme head with hair/ Long beautiful hair/ Shining, gleaming/ Streaming/ The Smoking Gun is there | (102) |
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The best and worst candies rated. The best: Skittles. The worst: coffee-flavored candy. Get your sweet tooth on and argue about it to the right | (278) |
| (Whig) | |
Increased use of texting and email means younger generation lacks the literacy skills to make it through a standard sentence. Go ahead and make fun of the pretards here – it's not like they can read it | (165) |
| (Some fed-up TSO) | |
Remember that incident at Washington National with the lady and the sippy cup? Things didn't exactly happen like she said (with video proof goodness) | (182) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Latest female teacher sentenced for having sex with an underage student, obviously hired the wrong lawyer | (86) |
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Newspaper reporter rejected twice from eHarmony.com, apparently because he's not much of a churchgoer | (103) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Prisoners upset that their Cajun Shrimp Ramen Noodle soup now cost 90 cents. But hey, the sex is still free | (65) |
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Yeah, everybody made fun of him, but that guy selling moon land for $19.99 an acre has made $9 million so far. That's one giant leap for a man | (90) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"In recent weeks, lolcats have started popping up on more and more mainstream blogs and Web sites like Slate, Fark, Wonkette and BoingBoing" | (285) |
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Chinese "Internet addict" loses CTRL because his parents wouldn't give him money for an internet cafe, figures his only ALT is to DEL his parents with a kitchen knife | (65) |
| (Some Leper) | |
Photoshop this monkey mascot | (68) |
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Two North Dakota farmers sue FDA for right to grow industrial hemp | (88) |
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Step 1: Goldman family gets upset over O.J. Simpson's "If I Did It", Step 2: Sue him to get the rights to the book. Step 3: Publish the book under a different title. Step 4: Profit | (128) |
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Prince Charles' salary hits £15 million per year, but when you look at what it costs to feed and stable a horse, he's buying store-brand sodas and eating at Golden Corral | (51) |
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Actual headline: Three barred from trailer homes. How bad do you have to be to be barred from a trailer?? | (64) |
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Smokers are more likely to get dementia. Which begs the quesion, aren't you already pretty demented to take up smoking in the first place? | (304) |
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Dolphins found shot, washed ashore in California. Police say it was done on porpoise | (102) |
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Possesed with evil demons? That's a stabbing | (52) |
| (Charleston Daily Mail) | |
Dolly Parton has been named an honorary Girl Scout. In a related story, the Girl Scouts of America announce plans to include a free gallon of milk with each purchase of a box of cookies | (80) |
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Schools begin to recover from the dark ages of zero tolerance, struggle to accept that "a machete is not the same as a butter knife." Sir Bedevere unavailable for comment | (70) |
Fri June 15, 2007
| (Newseum Trivia Game) | |
You're a Farker. You're up on the news. Prove it by playing the news trivia game as fresh as today's headlines | (59) |
| (Some Guy) | |
That 13 year old hero? Not so much. 13 year old attention whore more like it | (128) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this hallway in an underground hospital | (104) |
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Guy busted for embezzling money from a paraplegic boy whose parents were killed in a car accident right after he tied a woman to the train tracks and kicked a dog | (42) |
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Serial killer, who confessed to killing 23 men over nine years, listed among potential members of a Louisiana state grand jury. Hey, it's cool; he can spot a victim like THAT | (29) |
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Pentagon proposal would no longer require troops to list previous mental health treatment when applying for security clearance | (86) |
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Help choose The Seven Wonders of Florida | (164) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Applebee's accidentally serves toddler a margarita. "I wasn't going to make a big deal about it," the mother said, "but then he got sick." Cue lawsuit in 3, 2, 1 | (170) |
| (Some Beer Snob) | |
"I’m on a mission. I’m convincing people that beer can be just as contemplative and fascinating as wine, and just as perfectly meshed with food" | (205) |
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That drop in gasoline prices you were expecting? Yeah... not so much | (99) |
| (Pat Cashin's Clownalley) | |
Professional clown makeup kit cannot fly as carry-on luggage. No, you cannot put it in your pants | (48) |
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The Solstice is Coming! The Solstice is coming! Quick, everyone raid the Cirque d' Soleil wardrobe and parade around in your Birkenstocks | (62) |
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Private equity firm buys Maxim magazine for $250,000,000, which makes Fark.com worth, what, a gazillion trillion bazillion dollars? | (78) |
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DA Mike Nifong will resign. Duke sucks | (117) |
| (KTVB) | |
Man says coffee shop owes him $2,000 for tear in pants. Asshat pants trifecta now in play | (60) |
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Coming soon to a hospital near you: Terry Schiavo part II | (194) |
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Study finds 8% of dreams involve sexual situations. Subby smiles as he realises he is well above average | (92) |
| (SSA.gov) | |
Baby names between 2000 and 2006. 1026 parents named their daughters "Unique." FAIL | (683) |
| (Some Girl) | |
Photoshop this American Psycho | (141) |
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Oh crap, why did I think I could submit this headline? I'm in way over my head; I should have planned this ahead of | (93) |
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Drunk escapes handcuffs, pepper spray, electronic shock baton and flees naked leading 20 cops on a countryside chase. Or as we like to call it in Lancashire, Thursday night | (69) |
| (Some Disney Guy) | |
Contest "winners" get chance to perform minimum wage jobs at Disneyland | (102) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Quick tip: If you are going to steal a hot tub, remember to attach it to the car when you make your escape down the motorway | (24) |
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Northern Mariana Islands: California-based activists advocating that marijuana should be legalised have suggested the territory should be renamed the Northern Marijuana Islands | (82) |
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TB dickwad: "Surgery is the best chance to save my life." If he means plastic surgery so nobody will recognize him and pound the snot out of him, then yes | (232) |
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The Federal Emergency Management Agency overpaid victims of the Gulf Coast hurricanes by at least $485 million and is struggling to reclaim the money from tens of thousands of people it says shouldn't have been given aid. Good luck with that | (131) |
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Nintendo next DS game... first-person shooter bloodbath? No. Awesome NFL football game? No. Game that gives women beauty advice? Yup | (77) |
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Woman chases down thief who stole her identity. "She had bad teeth and looked like she hadn't bathed," she explains later. "I thought, 'You're buying Prada on my dime. Go get your teeth fixed'" | (116) |
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Teen finishes college in 18 months. His fraternity would like to thank him for his aerodynamics work in the javelin throw competition | (122) |
| (WFAA.com) | |
"Resume padding" pervades all job classes, from CEOs to rappers. In related news, you need a resume to be a rapper | (76) |
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Captain's Log, stardate 23.9, rounded off to the... nearest decimal point. We've... traveled back in time to save an ancient species from... total annihilation. SO FAR... no... signs of aquatic life, but I'm going to find it | (80) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Think the other airplane engine was bad? This is definitely not going to end well | (69) |
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United Kingdom takes the number one spot in speed camera revenue, loses the number one spot in road safety | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Absinthe: Legal again in the United States? | (242) |
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To reign Miss Spain falls mainly on the vain, but birthing pain would drain your chance at fame | (52) |
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"When did getting married become an exercise in acquired situational narcissism?" | (300) |
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No fix yet for space station computers. Astronauts starting to regret downloading that BRITNYSPRSNAKED.jpg | (105) |
| (Courant.com) | |
When giving the cops a fake name, you might want to cover up the tattoo which tells them exactly where you live | (78) |
| (WGAL) | |
If you are the man who ran naked through the halls of a school yesterday and set off the fire extinguisher, Erie police would like to talk to you. Police say they cannot express the seriousness of this enough: there is No Running in the Halls | (36) |
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Canadian senator gets in trouble for misusing funds. When questioned, takes medical leave to have "hemorrhoid surgery". Fark: opponents demand to see proof | (31) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Sony talks about a PS3 price cut... again. At what point will they just give them away out of the back of a truck with a free mini-disc player? | (330) |
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Prison escapee found sleeping on roof of jail. Dude, you're doing it wrong | (41) |
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Two teenage gangs of gays and lesbians get into fight. One gang member beaten with a stiletto... which belonged to a dude | (114) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Teenager charged with sexually assaulting a horse. Dude, neigh means neigh | (150) |
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When engaged in a tense stand-off with the police, choose your location wisely. Next to a hostage: Good. In the sea: Not so much | (10) |
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Lawyer spends $10,000 to fight $65 parking ticket, which goes to show why he didn't go into accounting | (62) |
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Every single restaurant in Australia serves fabulous food at perfect prices with superb service. That's right, every single one of them | (32) |
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Caption the most laid back member of Hamas | (217) |
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Hero To Zero: Overzealous MADD honoree deputy fired, wrongly jailed 58+ non-drunk drivers | (138) |
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According to TIME, fathers don't do a good enough job to deserve a holiday | (315) |
| (WCAX Burlington) | |
After search for assailant grows to include state police, game wardens, sheriffs deputies and Border Patrol agents, man finally admits he accidentally shot himself while having target practice | (23) |
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Blue-skinned people inhabited Kentucky in 1950s | (145) |
| (Indiana Gazette) | |
Passer-by pries open door, cuts harness to save 2-month-old from mangled, burning car. With incredible pic | (251) |
| (PR-GB) | |
UFO researchers dismayed that Paris Hilton coverage overshadowed Buzz Aldrin admitting the existence of UFOs | (105) |
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Q: Bark bark bark bark ruff ruff A: Arf arf arf arf arf bark | (152) |
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Just in time for Father's Day comes a poll that says one-in-five Americans think their Dad is doing a better job compared with fathers a generation ago. Thanks for the car keys, Dad | (42) |
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Common backyard birds becoming less common. Now get off my lawn. Oh, right | (101) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It's not every day a 13-year old gets to chase a burglar with a Katana | (87) |
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I'll take the f_____ porcini mushrooms with parmesan shavings and drizzled with while f_____ truffle oil. My brother will have the smack | (79) |
| (Some Sci-Fi Guy) | |
Photoshop this 1957 WorldCon attendee | (79) |
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Bad: Get pulled over by the fuzz. Worse: get caught trying to eat your weed so the cop doesn't see it. Fark: nearly choke to death trying to swallow your stash | (61) |
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21 Michigan police agencies make 67 arrests in the first eight hours of "Operation 8 Mile". Sheriff spokesman; "This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo" | (130) |
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Ignored woman dies on floor of ER. "The janitors came over to help clean the vomit of the victim. They did a diligent job cleaning up the vomit, but they didn't take one look at her" | (260) |
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How to X-ray an elephant | (34) |