Sun June 10, 2007
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"Eighty-five percent of women reported being satisfied with their partner’s penis size, compared to only 55 percent for men." This, of course, begs the question about just how picky a man can be about his partner's penis | (3) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Scientists figure out how much money you need to buy happiness. Comes out to $5 a month | (16) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this lovely couple dancing | (27) |
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PA Dept. of Public Welfare houses sex offenders and mentally disabled together. What could possibly go wrong? | (29) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
From the "your mother was right" file: Better hand washing could save lives, health-care group says | (39) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Man destroys another man's motorbike because he wouldn't hand over his pet squirrel | (23) |
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Is Prince Philip of England a god? | (38) |
| (silive.com) |  |
Step 1: Befriend creepy guy with butt-poking fetish. Step 2: Let him do his thing. Step 3: Profit | (27) |
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Deadly bacteria much more likely to be found in organically-raised chickens than factory raised birds | (57) |
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Demand grows for elephant meat. Hey, didn't one of Seattle's elephants just kick it? | (31) |
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Not news: Italian Senator risks being late for a TV interview due to traffic jams in Rome. Fark.com: he calls an ambulance asking to be brought to his cardiologist, giving the oblivious paramedics the TV studio's address | (24) |
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Utah man wants 'In God we Trust" posted in ALL of the state's classrooms | (276) |
| (KABC-TV) | |
In honor of Ric Romero's birthday, I present you with this handy bit of information: "Sunscreen or sunblock can help protect your skin." | (46) |
| (Some drunk German) |  |
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly." And they can. If they're frozen. In Germany | (37) |
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Travel agency in Wales under fire after ordering staff to speak English only on the job and not Welsh. You submitted this with a headline that had 150-letter words and sounded like a cat choking on a tuna can full of pebbles | (53) |
| (Zipland Interactive) | |
Study shows that Ritalin use rises in children of divorce. Right.... because the CHILDREN are to blame | (176) |
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The ITC bans any cell phone carrier using phones with Qualcomm chips. In other words, almost every cell phone in the US is now illegal | (88) |
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¡әш dlәч | (141) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this frowning clown | (78) |
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A history of four letter words and how they got dirty | (112) |
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Minister suggests encouraging immigrants to learn English by translating less government literature into foreign languages. In other news, government literature is written in English | (76) |
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From the Dept. of Silly Controversies: Flying flag at half-staff: showing respect for dead, or surrender? | (86) |
| (Romerovision) | |
Not only is today Ric Romero's birthday, but it seems that he's actually had a birthday every year - on this SAME EXACT DAY | (96) |
| (Earthtimes) | |
Apparently not satisfied with pink hearts and green clovers, police seeking leprechaun who is responsible for a series of bank robberies | (30) |
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Beverly Hills boutique sues magazine for failing to cover it as a hot-spot of celebrity shopping. And wins | (34) |
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Strippers charged with "excessive nudity" | (93) |
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Yes, one way to get attention for your cause IS cycling nude through Montreal. As long as your cause is naked cycling through Montreal | (27) |
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Norway to exhume three Viking bodies buried years ago because they're afraid the remains may be decomposing | (33) |
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Belgian employer turns down Nigerian job-applicant, saying his dog is racist and would bite non-whites. "My dog is racist. Not me" | (291) |
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Kim Jong Ill ? | (121) |
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50,000-year-old tribe being evicted because Abu Dhabi royal finds sharing UAE private safari playground in Tanzania "inconvenient" | (167) |
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Not only are today's kids dumb and lazy, they're also violent sex offenders | (102) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this standpipe | (55) |
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Hungarians reconquer the world kissing record with more than 6400 couples snogging | (46) |
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If you're eating a hamburger right now, you might want to stop and read this | (157) |
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Pastor who worked with Martin Luther King Jr. charged with incest. Bonus: He organized the 1963 Children's Crusade. Article really needs Vic Mackey tag | (53) |
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What's more disturbing: finding a skeleton in the closet or the fact that the power was still on 7 years later? | (96) |
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Yoga may help treat depression, anxiety disorders, conservatism | (96) |
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School gets TP'ed and paintballed... by low flying aircraft | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these fencing fanatics | (47) |
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Just like your ex, NASA doesn’t think four inches is that big of a deal | (124) |
Sat June 09, 2007
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Bakery unveils dog biscuits that idiot owners can share with their pets. They're more expensive per ounce than caviar, so the makers certainly have the moran demographic locked up | (56) |
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Drunk 52-year old jumps off bridge in Maine, survives. "The guy jumped in to get cooled off ... It was just a little bit higher than what he thought it was." | (69) |
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"Salary has become such a minuscule component of CEO compensation that it is now largely irrelevant" | (163) |
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Ohio charter school defends serving gin to sixth graders at graduation ceremony. Submitter would like an admission application | (100) |
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Mom threatens to blow up school unless daughter can wear jeans to graduation | (60) |
| (KETV) | |
Woman caught stealing toilet paper from courthouse. Bonus: Her last name is Butts | (59) |
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Hottie who is 11th in line to British throne thrown to the ground by Camilla (w/ frame-by-frame action) | (142) |
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"There is growing interest among Japanese men and women in becoming licensed beer tasters" | (35) |
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Italian senators want ice cream in cafeteria to "improve their quality of life" | (36) |
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Photoshop the World Dog competition Best-of-Show | (112) |
| (WWL-TV) | |
Remember those new drainage pumps the Corps Of Engineers installed to keep New Orleans from flooding? Seems they won't because they are junk. Oops | (147) |
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Soldier charged with desertion while fighting for custody of her 7-year-old daughter has been granted an honorable discharge | (68) |
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Although he probably thought out his plan a-head of time, a man will Romaine in custody for stealing lettuce | (49) |
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Undercover cop who pulls gun during a road rage incident learns about the second amendment | (494) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teacher sues school after being fired for refusing to listen to Harry Potter book being read aloud because it "was against her Christian faith" and amounted to "witchcraft" | (322) |
| (Teh Wikipedia) | |
First tragedy, then farce. June 8, 1972: Nick Ut takes one of the most famous pictures of the Vietnam War. 35 years later - to the day - he photographs a crying Paris Hilton in a police car | (159) |
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Scientists tests CT scanners on trees. Your dogwood wants a stake | (44) |
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To make sure kids succeed at everything in life, schools don't fail kids anymore | (255) |
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Soldier granted leave so he can donate kidney to his mom. Excuse me for a moment, I have something in my eye | (92) |
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Experts say many in Britain malnourished despite the great tasting food | (63) |
| (NBC10) | |
20 Internet acronyms parents should know. NALOPKT. WTF? Did we need a slideshow for this? | (303) |
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Marathon runner checks his gear. Hat? Check. Sandals? Check. Sword? Check | (43) |
| (Rochester D & C) | |
Turning the "Explorer" program into an "Explore Her" progam: 1 year in prison. Using the internets to do it: 30 years in prison | (61) |
| (adn.com) | |
A 9 year-old girl shot in the neck by her brother. Tag, you're it | (78) |
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Car-surfing stunt goes wrong. Or more likely, evolution goes right | (92) |
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Caption this track worker at Texas Motor Speedway inspecting a jet dryer | (111) |
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Woman sues over recalled contact lens solution. No, she wasn't injured, she just wants a class-action lawsuit for the cost of replacing her bottle | (52) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this slam dunkin' guy | (61) |
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Your honor, in order to defend my client adequately, I have to watch all this porn. Every last filthy, degrading moment | (51) |
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Deputy startled awake by noise in his home, mistakes his leg for an intruder | (57) |
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UK driving test could include a psychometric assessment to spot bad drivers. Submitter surprised that the question on the existing test asking 'Gender' isn't enough | (91) |
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"Nothing is scarier than staring into 20 pairs of beady little black eyes when there's no one around to save you" | (76) |
| (Some Guy) | |
....and the number one excuse for missing your job interview with the police department: "I was in jail" | (18) |
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Rocky Dennis has nothing on this unfortunate soul: 17-year old who was born without lower face has hope of reconstruction (alert: includes pic and video) | (133) |
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Jesus Christ solves murder case | (61) |
| (WFIE-14) | |
Indiana man completes his documentary on the Bourbon Industry. Suck it, "Sicko" | (55) |
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Irishman returns from the dead. For his next impossible feat he'll give up the drink | (32) |
| (Newsnet5) | |
Dog jumps in lake. Owner jumps in to save dog. Dog swims to safety. Man drowns. Your dog wants you to learn how to swim | (51) |
| (The Register-Herald) | |
Douchebags clean out Beaver Bath | (22) |
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Mall security guards gone wild. With booty pic goodness. (SFW) | (49) |
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200 places that you can find an endangered species. Remember to bring mayonnaise | (25) |
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Boston Herald hosts a website listing the salaries of every Massachusetts public servant. Site quickly crashes as everyone logs on to find how much coworkers earn | (35) |
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California considering bill to require all pets to be fixed. Suck it, labs | (151) |
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When your daughter doesn't make the Little League all-star team do you A) Be grateful she had a good season B) Teach her that life isn't always fair C) Attack the coach | (46) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Canadian football fan | (90) |
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In latest proof lawyers are not out of control in just America, court orders Malaysia's national airline to pay a Brahmin Hindu £2,900 for "mental anguish" suffered as a result of being served a chicken meal during a flight | (48) |
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...and the number one reason why David Letterman is packing heat: The man who plotted to kidnap his son has escaped from prison | (42) |
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Five-inch Chihuahua may be the world's smallest , most useless dog | (97) |
| (NewsNet5) | |
15-year-old will graduate Ohio State with a degree in molecular genetics. For his graduate work, he plans to discover something called "girls" | (76) |
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Most modern mothers' advice to their daughters: "Fark babies, have a career" | (151) |
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Pencil sharpeners in Britain to get safety blades as the nanny state comes close to achieving self-awareness | (79) |
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Dogs in Missouri may be allowed to dine out with their owners. Your dog? Yeah, he wants steak | (70) |
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Latest bogus scientific finding: people having sex cause the earth to move 89 million miles. “And it has given a new meaning to the term ‘The Big Bang’" | (80) |
Fri June 08, 2007
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New York is considering paying kids who get high scores on tests. Subby wants to go back to 4th grade now | (110) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"A naked Liberty Lake accountant plowed his Honda Odyssey minivan through lawns, into garages and into a parked car before being arrested in his neighbor’s yard today, police say" | (38) |
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Boy meets girl. They fall in love, marry. Girl decides that boy is wrong, all wrong, and that the forces of darkness have possibly replaced him with a copy of the original husband. THEN it gets weird | (133) |
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Amsterdam's tourist industry is about to take a big hit | (112) |
| (ACS) | |
Man who led crusade to limit frivilous lawsuits with large payouts sues the Yale Club for $1,000,000 plus punitive damages for forgetting to install a handrail | (42) |
| (Bay News 9) | |
Would-be thief breaks into restaurant through grill vent, gets stuck for ten hours until cops arrive (w/video with reporter asking him "How do you feel now? Stupid?") | (24) |
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U.S. arming guerillas in Iraq to fight Al Qaeda. Because that worked out so well against the Soviets in Afghanistan | (344) |
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♫ Big bottoms, big bottoms ♫ Beijing hostesses, they don't got 'em ♫ | (107) |
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FAA computers melt down. Air travel in the northeast US is hosed. Submitter currently sitting in RDU watching a near riot at the ticket desk | (163) |
| (Chattanoogan) | |
Hot tubs? Check. Private booths? Check. Access to Internet porn? Check. Adult business license? Whoops... and about those four guys in the corner... ewwww | (55) |
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"Old People Suck" sign upsets Orlando seniors (with photos) | (135) |
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Photoshop these wall crawling statues | (67) |
| (Some Guy) | |
China rejects US food imports for not meeting quality standards. No, you didn't misread that | (131) |
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Batboy™ seen in Philadelphia. Cops want to question him on why he showed his ween to a teen. Bonus: Best police sketch ever | (80) |
| (Some Milwaukee Guy) | |
Senator Gary George denies allegations and "has as much interest in seeing the government of Laos overthrown as he does in the Klingons taking over the Enterprise" | (45) |
| (The Local) | |
Archaeologists discover iron age Mickey Mouse Pez dispenser | (41) |
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It's official. EVERY teacher is having sex with their students. (Bonus: Read the article summary) | (146) |
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Cable companies try to shed bad-service reputation, will be cutting subscription fees in half. Just kidding | (85) |
| (Flame Trench) | |
Shuttle Atlantis launch tonight at 7:38pm - follow the countdown here | (295) |
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Male alligators respond to B flat played on a tuba. Researchers C natural responses at work, but caution avoiding D sharp teeth of adult gators | (85) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Teachers try to block army visits to schools, arguing the only people who should be carrying guns there are the students | (62) |
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High tech systems can tell you if the wine you bought is genuine or not. With not-at-all-suggestive pic | (51) |
| (Townhall.com) | |
Gay activists sue eHarmony.com for discrimination, in effect demanding that they drop at least one of the "29 Dimensions of Compatibility" they use to match up prospective spouses | (260) |
| (9News.com) | |
Asshat parents upset when asshat school officials censor their anti-liberal message in child's yearbook | (219) |
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Bomb threat temporarily closes three Detroit-area libraries. Both patrons upset by interruption | (41) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Mother of the year candidate found passed out drunk inside the house while her kids were running around outside naked, throwing rocks at passing cars | (87) |
| (Harlem Streets) | |
Since 1977, Camilo Jose Vergara photographed the same structures repeatedly over decades to capture the process of urban decay. This is one building in Harlem, taken over a 20-year period | (88) |
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Poland's 1,200 troops assigned to NATO forces in Afghanistan will not achieve full combat readiness for up to several weeks because someone lost the car keys | (74) |
| (Some Pleasantly Plump Guy) | |
Overweight, large kids at risk from being crammed into school bus seats. EVERYBODY PANIC | (87) |
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Kansas teen murder suspect had a MySpace page. Interests included "eating small children and harming small animals" | (138) |
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Before she died, Princess Diana apparently turned nuttier than a Mr. Goodbar | (98) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Thieves stealing kegs to sell for scrap aluminum could drive up the price of beer. Our mission is clear gentlemen; we must hunt these bastards down like dogs | (73) |
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Bride-to-be fakes abduction to get out of date with another man, claims she'll still be married by next April | (55) |
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Judge to Paris Hilton: suck it | (2555) |
| (Some reporter) | |
For fear shark scares are getting old, media looks to flesh-eating bacteria for the new swim season. EVERYBODY PANIC | (37) |
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Country with industrialized world's best longevity and overall health demands the return of Burger King. Have it your way | (93) |
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Drew is signing books in Chicago tonight 7pm at Borders 2817 North Clark Street. Apparently coincides with "bean friday" (see link). Fark Party right after | (44) |
| (Smart Reporter) | |
'No Child Left Behind' continues to struggle with the fact that some kids are just stupid. Not yours though | (237) |
| (Think Progess) |  |
General Peter Pace replaced as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Admiral Mike Mullen selected as new scapegoat | (98) |
| (Daily Herald) | |
Legislation targets kindergarten dropouts. After all, nobody wants delinquent 5-year-olds who loiter around and are unproductive members of society | (29) |
| (Cinemax) |  |
Who says you can't peep into someone's diary... except this one. Sponsored Link. Possibly not safe for work depending on your workplace | (52) |
| (wral.com) | |
Ocracoke Island, NC, named nation's top beach. Next comes a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swingin' hot spot | (141) |
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Man charged with fatally shooting Wee Wee | (77) |
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The official guide to the man crush, or, if God didn't want us to have crushes on other men, why did he make Derek Jeter so freaking cool? | (297) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Police raid house and find drugs after being tipped off by a call at 4:20 a.m | (64) |
| (It's a Palmetto) | |
Come vote for South Carolina's new license plate. You can choose the one with the tree, another one with the tree, or the other one with the tree | (163) |
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Add vitamin D to the list of Stuff That Might Help Prevent Cancer. Submitter is thinking about creating a red wine infused green tea with milk and a light sprinkling of talcum powder | (41) |
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For all of you who have ever thought that Canadians are just a little bit different - it's because they're Vulcans. And doctors have witnessed the green blood to prove it | (79) |
| (Free-Lance Star) | |
When cheating on your wife, be careful where you park | (134) |
| (Some Local Guy) |  |
Student-teacher sex scandal trifecta complete (at least for the day). Brought to you by Tyler, Texas with mugshot goodness | (182) |
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Many Britons unaware that bacon, bread, beer come from farm products. OK, so most Americans deny evolution. What's the tie-breaker? | (279) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Scientists confirm that aliens are "doing well", listening to our old radio broadcasts (with the most WTF pic on an article evar) | (128) |
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Headline: “Cannabis hospital admissions rise.” Dude, there is a cannabis hospital, we should totally go there | (227) |
| (paint.net is good enough) | |
It's a hillbilly hat Photoshop hootenanny | (84) |
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George Michael to be sentenced today for driving while unfit. John Daly hesitant to tee off | (27) |
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I saw an extremely phallic turtle | (59) |
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Finalists in "Seven Wonders of Canada" poll show that most Canadians wouldn't know a real wonder if it bit them in their pale, goose-bumped arse | (132) |
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No more War for Chocolate. No more War for Chocolate. No more War for Chocolate | (75) |
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British driver receives speeding ticket because he failed to stop and measure the distance between lampposts | (84) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Caption these Duke lady fans | (126) |
| (KETV) | |
Des Moines police: pantyhose worn by a robber saved his life | (21) |
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Will Gill lost his watch during WWI. 90 years later it is reunited with his grandson, Bill Gill | (58) |
| (Daily Bulletin) | |
L.A. Gangbangers: Garfield dolls are the new guitarcases (with pic) | (62) |
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Teen drives car through mall, proclaims dislike for Illinois Nazis | (87) |
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Japan draws up guidelines to cut suicide rate. No word on whether the rates will be cut across the street, or down the tracks | (75) |
| (wkrg.com) | |
Not News: Guy from Alabama calls another guy from Alabama a son of a biatch. News: The son of a biatch slugs him. Fark.com: It happens on the floor of the Alabama Senate (with video goodness) | (143) |
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Press scared that old people retiring will mean ruin for economy due to "lack of skilled workers". Still can't figure out how to iPod | (94) |
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Inventor of Cheez Whiz and McDonald's french fries has died. Not surprisingly of a heart attack | (65) |
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Bush falls ill at G8 summit. Please, George, tell us you didn't have tea with Vladimir | (364) |
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Habitual spitters forced to wear anti-spitting headgear | (36) |
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Playing with dolls is good for young boys, says company that makes and sells dolls | (55) |
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Photo essay: What families across the globe eat in a week | (226) |
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You know that Fendi bag you bought at the Walmart? Yeah it was a fake. As a general rule don't buy designer handbags at the same place you buy toothpaste and wheelbarrows | (65) |
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Police find coke stash in Last Supper carving | (31) |
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Wrong man kicked in nuts by cops; don't you just hate when that happens to you? | (137) |
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Sex scandal? In my Creation museum? It's more common than you think |