Sun May 27, 2007
| (langley times.com) |  |
Missing plane and pilot found after 37 years. Authorities note he was wearing his seat belt at the time of the crash | (32) |
| (Some Redneck) |  |
Actual headline: Stroke patients go Wii at Riley Hospital | (28) |
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Forest Service firefighters blast policies they feel require them to risk their lives to protect property that really shouldn't have been put there in the first place | (64) |
| (Some Guy) | |
From the 'ways to waste your time' division of Ric Romero comes the Professional Porch Sitters Union | (31) |
| (NineMSN) |  |
Gay bar granted exemption from Equal Opportunity Act, wins right to ban heterosexuals | (213) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
"I want to go back to prison. I have spent 27 years inside. I can't handle it outside." If only he had a friend who was a financial wizard and left him a bunch of money under a rock before starting a thriving Mexican cantina | (49) |
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New attraction simulates Shuttle launch at 17,500 mph | (42) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this hothead | (51) |
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The happiest mug shots you'll see all week | (104) |
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Long Island mother-of-the-year candidate caught snorting heroin in Walmart; 3-year old was in shopping cart | (75) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Scientists discover link between the evolution of color vision and why Carrot Top is the sexiest man alive | (60) |
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Happy 70th birthday to the Golden Gate Bridge. Lots of cool little facts and quotes from bridge employees here - like a toll taker who says Corvette drivers are jerks | (61) |
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If you're trying to calm your shareholders' nerves about your satellite radio company, mentioning 'We suck less' is not a good start | (40) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Scammers posing as Red Cross call military spouses, claim they need SSN to treat wounded service member. Identity theft ensues | (81) |
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Caption these masked militants | (132) |
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Not News: Med student graduates from UCLA. News: She has no legs, and only one arm. Fark: Her last name is Lim | (79) |
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Are you an ethical purveyor of porn? | (200) |
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Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip, that started in the East River aboard this tiny ship | (37) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Fort Worth police seek burglar who was apparently having a really bad hair day. Police seeking Don King for routine questioning | (23) |
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Police called to scene of motel disturbance find agitated, naked biker, decide that tasering sounds better than tackling, except for the whole "suspect dying" part. Oops | (114) |
| (Some Analysis) | |
College students believe Land Rover is American and Motorola is Japanese | (181) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's "everyday object found to contain 330,000 times more bacteria than a toilet seat " is your car. Bonus: it lists the filthiest makes | (65) |
| (KTVU) |  |
Police arrest second poser for passing herself off as university student. College student impostor trifecta now in play | (36) |
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Post office considering vanity zip codes. 40502-FARK rumored to be worth $8 and a candy bar | (55) |
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Highway patrol issues alert to drivers to beware of A) wildfire smoke, B) elderly searching for farmers' markets, or C) lovebug swarms? | (57) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Japanese company manufactures apple juice-flavored pretend beer for children. Finally, a way for your kindergartener to pour out a 40 for his homies who have fallen...off the swings | (33) |
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Crack team from the R. Romero Accident Investigation Bureau finds plane that abruptly plunged from the sky, killing three, "had engine problems" | (39) |
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Photoshop Al Gore in his office. Difficulty = subtle | (119) |
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When you hold up a milk bar, be sure you can jump the counter | (34) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Ohio lacrosse coaches use UFIAs to maintain team discipline... No, really | (66) |
| (AM640 Toronto) | |
Idiot teenager discovers the hard way why you don't try to build homemade guns out of scrap metal. On the upside, his hand makes a cool whistling sound when he gives a high-five now | (58) |
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Detective, publicist hired to find missing dachshund. Your dog wants Matlock on speed dial | (17) |
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Drew gets full page in his local newspaper. Writer of article says Fark is a nice website that has become somewhat popular. Reader says "oh, you think so?" | (75) |
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I'm in ur soda, farking up ur DNA | (135) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Teens working summer jobs are finding life lessons at the pump | (116) |
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Hard to get much lower than stealing a blind man's cane | (46) |
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Texas manufacturer of military Purple Hearts finding business booming | (73) |
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Scientists breed cows that give skimmed milk. Big Whoop. Wake me up when they're giving chocolate milk | (48) |
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Drunk man steals tour bus, takes it on drive around Sydney. Bonus: With tourists still on board | (20) |
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Iran says it's uncovered US spyrings. Decoder rings seek deep cover | (47) |
| (Hampton Roads Online) | |
Comics war erupts as small-town newspaper asks readers to choose between dropping "Doonesbury" or "Rex Morgan, M.D." | (128) |
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Woman arrested for biting off part of her son-in-law's ear. Mike Tyson unimpressed | (22) |
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Maybe the 'stay awake' guy could try this next: three US medical teams in race to make a man sleep for months | (57) |
| (Some Photographer) | |
Photoshop these floating ballerinas' legs | (48) |
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The next 13 years in jail probably won't be fun when you tell your jailmates that you are in because of swans | (39) |
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Mormon missionary returns home to find his house completely wrapped in newspaper. (with pic) | (124) |
Sat May 26, 2007
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Three drunk girls take driving tour of Philadelphia, get hung up on a porch. (with video) | (64) |
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World's oldest camera auctioned off for $800,000, with lens cap still in place | (61) |
| (TCPalm) | |
Rabid otters taking over Florida golf course | (58) |
| (Journal & Courier) | |
Still working on new ways to cash in, Roswell is thinking about opening up a UFO-themed amusement park. Note to self: don't go on The Probe | (63) |
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Check out the coolest tree houses you are gonna see today | (68) |
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Creation museum in Kentucky depicting dinosaurs on Noah's Ark | (672) |
| (Some Moran) | |
Photoshop this streetsign | (63) |
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The first rule of geek fight club is - you do not talk about geek fight club | (79) |
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Jack Kevorkian, who assisted over 100 terminally ill patients end their lives peacefully, will be paroled next Friday. Says he will throw a killer party | (215) |
| (Burlington FreePress) |  |
7th graders successfully lobby Vermont legislators to ban school bus idling to reduce greenhouse gases | (121) |
| (Some Local) | |
Fifty thousand flies invade radio station, forces it off air. I for one welcome our new fly overlords | (47) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Your dad yells at you for a friend staying too late: do you a) ask your friend to go home: b) tell your dad to suck it; or c) stab him in the neck | (35) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Actual headline: Wall-climbing gator to be made into 'nuggets' | (50) |
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Oil companies are encouraging their employees to commute using a bicycle. Because as everyone knows, oil companies care about the environment and their employee's health | (55) |
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Ottawa Senators voiding Stanley Cup tickets sold by scalpers | (157) |
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Going to the beach this weekend? Sunscreen, check. Beer, check. Fun... leave at home | (58) |
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Lawyer sues family for allowing their dog to bite his nipple, resulting in loss of sexual comfort and desire | (47) |
| (boing^2) | |
Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thy crotchless pantaloons kinda get me going, too | (62) |
| (Daily Herald) | |
School bus driver saves woman, loses job | (147) |
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White House considers 50-percent troop reduction in Iraq | (294) |
| (Saturday Gazette-Mail) | |
Why does the Army Corps of Engineers hate America and her summer traditions? | (60) |
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Massachusetts residents are angry and heartbroken at the news that their losing lottery tickets aren't worth anything | (44) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
Woman with "seasonal affective disorder" sues her ex-employer for $33 million for not giving her a desk next to a window | (142) |
| (Popular Mechanics) |  |
Meet the man behind the Frappuccino. And curse him, curse his every living breath for concocting such a delicious and addictive beverage | (74) |
| (Post-Gazette) | |
Pair of women toasted by police after they foil armed robbers in bagel shop with a swift kick to the raisins. Robbers escape, but police still looking to lox them up | (32) |
| (The Ledger) | |
Americans are finally buying small, fuel-efficient cars. They're just doing it wrong | (304) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this nice view from the bottom of a well | (87) |
| (NBC4) | |
Today's "armed clown robs pharmacy" story brought to you by Fredericksburg. Can we please just agree to lock up all the clowns, now? | (39) |
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Scientists put that whole "curing cancer" thing on hold while they breathlessly announce that they have invented invisible underpants | (54) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Scientific study shows young children fear for their lives in a car driven by a woman. Obvious tag says Scary tag is a doodyhead | (74) |
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From the R. Romero Weather Forecasting Center comes a report that "storms could affect gas prices." Staff meteorologist N.S. Sherlock will be back right after we take a look at sports | (23) |
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Dutch TV to air a show in which a terminally ill woman will decide who out of three patients will get her kidney | (52) |
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Remember your childhood sweetheart? That first true love of your life? Turns out it's not that good of an idea to hook up with them later in life | (230) |
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Boss fires woman for taking time off work. She needed the time off to file a police report after an attempted rape, but still, she had only been working there a week | (109) |
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Study shows babies not totally stupid: can tell when people switch languages on them, mambo dogface to the banana patch | (72) |
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A suspicious package OF CLOTHES outside the Star Wars convention ends in evacuation. EVERYBODY PANIC | (48) |
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Golden Gate Bridge may soon have a net to prevent suicides--complete with windows. Silly tag already took a swan dive | (92) |
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Nope, nope, maybe, hell no, maybe, that one's a guy | (77) |
| (Khaleej Times) | |
Father of the LCD dies; coffin will flash "GOBBLES BOOBIES" in Oðblgshezi | (38) |
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Bus driver puts on patriotic hat to show support for veterans who lost their lives fighting for our country. Is told to take it off because it wasn't part of his uniform | (64) |
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Man calls in bomb threats to avoid court date for calling in bomb threats | (22) |
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Hugo Chavez, who's like, totally not a dictator, orders the military to seize opposition media's offices and equipment and replaces it with "broadcasts promoting the values of Chavez's socialist revolution" | (358) |
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When the guy who was trying for the 'stay awake' record wakes up, we've got a little bit of bad news for him | (45) |
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Actual Headline:"11 school kids hospitalized after talking about ghost stories." | (32) |
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The astounding LEJO everyone, let's give this amazing performer a round of applause | (45) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Say you're tasked with coming up with the eleventh commandment. What would it be? LGT original batch | (263) |
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Hefty death row inmate who beat his chess opponent to death takes twice as long as a normal person to die from lethal injection. Why wasn't someone there with a revolver in case things went this wrong? | (71) |
| (Der Spiegel) | |
German contestant in World Hide and Seek Championship takes gold medal with 22 years dead in the loft of his garage | (24) |
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Illinois zoo animals happily chowing down on mountains of delicious, crunchy cicadas (w/cute "I gots a bug" pic) | (37) |
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Man spends two years wondering what is causing the noise and itching in his ear. Turned out to be mites. Do not want | (39) |
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Bloodsucker bites Senator, thought he was was family | (17) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Death Star-wearing geek | (59) |
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Miss Sweden withdraws from Miss Universe competition, with pic that's all the explanation you'll need as to why | (144) |
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The U.S. Mint declares war on the Silver Surfer | (80) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Study finds that millions of licensed drivers in the United States would fail the written test if they had to retake it | (89) |
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Scottsdale residents feign mock indignation over Arizona Fetish Prom 2007. Article complete with quote from councilwoman that completely misses the point of "fetish" | (53) |
Fri May 25, 2007
| (LA Weekly) | |
The Vader Project - 66 artists reinvent Darth Vader's Helmet such as Shag, Biskup, Melvins, Kozik and more | (76) |
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Judge who watched one too many Joe Pesci movies forces slumlord to live in own building | (22) |
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Jack In The Box sued by Hardee's after running ads suggesting cow anuses are used to make its Angus burgers | (114) |
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Remember all the bees that were missing? We found them | (67) |
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Cops claim ice cream truck sold "pot-sicles" to elementary school students. Search is now on for the second most popular ice cream truck in Texas | (42) |
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Now that Myspace gives sex offender information to authorities, they should make sure two people don't share the same name | (50) |
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Today's false alarm bomb scare brought to you by a Bobble Head doll | (29) |
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President of Belarus opens traditional restaurant because of unhealthy foreign cuisine. Because nothing says "healthy" like potato pancakes stuffed with sausage and fried pork fat | (42) |
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A story that you will reluctantly reread dozens of times in the complimentary in-flight magazine: Doctors deliver baby on Delta flight | (42) |
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President Bush nominates Kentucky cardiologist for Surgeon General. I, for one, welcome our new boobies and beer health initiatives | (68) |
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FBI on the lookout for phony war heroes this Memorial Day | (139) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Farmers in North Carolina want to legally be able to sell raw milk. "My husband and brother-in-law grew up on raw milk. They were raised here, and that's what was in their bottle." | (117) |
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It's Spring, when students clear their lockers and custodians take the bodies out of the air conditioning ducts. Wait, what? | (46) |
| (Arkansas Times) | |
Come visit the STFU museum. No talking, please | (57) |
| (DUI Blog) | |
MADD CEO explains the real reason that drunk driving fatality statistic have remained unchanged in spite of draconian DUI laws: those gosh-darned defense lawyers insisting on defending their client's Constitutional rights | (280) |
| (Times Herald Record) | |
Appeals court to anti-war West Point protestors: STFU and take your stilt-walking, drum-circling, hey-hey-ho-hoing trustafarian bullshiat someplace else | (151) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this tailwhip | (65) |
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Police catch & bring hot sorority chick with goofy smile back to Texas from Mexico after she tried to burn down the sorority house. (w/ mugshot) | (98) |
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Oh no, they say he's got to go, go go Hogzilla | (251) |
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Stormtrooper gets pwned by Australian police. Jedi wannabes amused, stick with plastic lightsabers | (89) |
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Ric Romero's sweeps-week scoop: "Vista Users Encountering Computer Problems" | (134) |
| (Popular Mechanics) | |
Finally, Popular Mechanics offers some useful advice we can all use: five better ways to hammer a nail | (51) |
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Coca-Cola agrees to buy out maker of Vitaminwater, since everyone knows when you think of a healthy beverage the first thing that comes to mind is a Coke | (57) |
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Beer goggles explained. Subby wishes he would have read this article last Friday afternoon | (85) |
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In a perfect storm of redneck, stripper from Texas embezzles $1,000,000 to start NASCAR team | (87) |
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Nightline seeks "witty and opinionated" people to caption picture of Bush, but Farkers' submissions would probably be accepted too. VE | (211) |
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You cannot have a license plate that reads "MERLOT" or "X" in Utah. Obviously, the ban is for the children | (114) |
| (Chattanoogan) | |
For all you Memorial Day Weekend backyard grillers, some timely advice. And who better to trust than a guy named "The Deck Chef" | (92) |
| (Some Prodigious Pups) | |
Dogs help shy kids learn to read, but only if the books are about steak | (29) |
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Rosie O'Done | (388) |
| (Courier Post) | |
"I'm New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine, and I should be dead" | (82) |
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Gas prices are now so high that gas station owner can't afford to gas his own car, shuts down his station in protest | (199) |
| (WXYZ Detroit) | |
Woman orders sandwich after grill is closed, freaks out when told she can't have it, throws a tub of spaghetti, and attacks clerk with a spatula (with really happy mugshot). Crazy assault lady trifecta now in play | (117) |
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Two-thirds of Americans believe that gay people should be allowed to teach school. No word on where the unhappy people should be teaching | (148) |
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I-Mockery looks at some of the most absurd pirate toys on the market. Pirate bling? | (27) |
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With mountains of festering garbage rotting in their streets because the country has run out landfills, Italian children hope Batman will save them | (57) |
| (Some JFK) | |
Why we should actually choose to go to the moon | (153) |
| (economist) | |
The best article on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict you'll read this week | (511) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Four pigs will spend the summer racing at family fun park, and then be treated to a barbeque at the end of the racing season. They'll be the guests of honor, actually (w/ pic of the cute little back ribs on the hoof) | (112) |
| (North Country Gazette) |  |
Penis pump judge loses his bid to get off early | (46) |
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Rare majestik albino møøse spotted | (73) |
| (Some Stabby Moron) | |
You will never win a knife fight by stabbing yourself until the police use a taser on you | (37) |
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Scientists to turn hoses on whales, in hopes that they move. Because if there's one thing whales hate, it's water | (76) |
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Ancestry.com puts up 90 million records of War Veterans going back to the 1600s. Also, a complete catalog of WWII newsreels and footage | (46) |
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Study shows binge drinkers make bad decisions | (95) |
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NYC Fark party reminder: This Sunday, come drink with Drew! LGN, DIT | (79) |
| (The Peterborough Examiner) | |
Robber: "I've got a gun in my pocket, give me $5,000". Bank teller: "I'm sorry, sir, I can only give you $200. Oh, and there's a $5 service fee" | (74) |
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Welcome to the futuristic world of 1960. GM's 1939 film of what the future has in store for us | (113) |
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Dune dwellers lose bid for special status, will now attack Cape Cod riding sandworms under cover of coriolis storm | (95) |
| (Woburn Online) | |
Police don't know why woman punched her male friend, kicked in his TV and smashed his car window, or why she was assaulting another woman using CPR-fu, but they do know one thing: she is a tall, cold glass of crazy | (45) |
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Man breaks world record by going 11 days without sleeping. Surprisingly, he was not playing WoW | (94) |
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Nazi Germany achieved its technological advantage with the help of aliens | (102) |
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If you're the person who yoinked an under-cover cop's duty bag containing his loaded pistol, the Waterloo police would really like it back. Pretty please | (37) |
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Mmm, nothing says summer like a big scoop of tasty Pit Viper Venom ice cream | (31) |
| (The Local) | |
Swedish female prisoners demand basic human rights. And of course by "basic human rights" they mean "bikinis" | (111) |
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If you're on an Italian beach with your mistress, don't wave to the television helicopter overhead broadcasting a live feed | (44) |
| (Some Slurpee) | |
Trooper fired after forcing porn star Barbie Cummings to perform community service on his long arm of the law | (86) |
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Ways to get into Stanford #37: Inhabit a dorm room and fake being a student for an entire year | (64) |
| (soy bomb) | |
Caption contest - TFer tends to rock out and make funny faces at cameras. Help me seem more respectable with a witty comment | (130) |
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Patient complains about doctor's instructions not to "get drunk and fall, causing harm to your head or body" | (68) |
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How British teens see themselves: 25 self-portraits | (63) |
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Police chief becomes victim of pickpocket on eve of new anti-pickpocket campaign | (33) |
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After months on the lam Reggie the Gator is captured in an LA park lake. Vets were called in to confirm that it was an alligator, and not Joan Rivers | (21) |
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Florida tries to wipe out a colony of cat-sized rats; NYC's pony-sized variety unimpressed | (44) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this Dutch club | (52) |
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After friend was killed by car and police won't do anything, schoolchildren build dummy speed camera and put it by side of the road to slow traffic | (81) |
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Chicago institutes new tax of $25 per testicle | (61) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Chinese stock market described as "manic," full of more irrational exuberance than Rosie O'Donnell at a pastry shop | (44) |