Sun May 20, 2007
 |
 |
.yaw gnorw nur dnalevelC ni srennur K01 emoS | (63) |
 |
 |
If fetuses the size of a peanut are precious human lives worth saving and not parasitic organisms leeching off their hosts, why don't we give them names and social security numbers and celebrate the date of conception instead of birth? | (556) |
| ("Burns when I" Pee-oria) |  |
Headline: "STDs on rise in Peoria County." First sentence: "Grab a group of friends and a bag of Cheetos." Wait, what? | (55) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
"I am not loose. I am not a slut. And I will not go home with any guy who asks," but I will get it on in a bathroom and write about it in the school paper | (189) |
| (Tao Of Making Money) | |
Extreme frugality: growing tomatoes on a bra and other interesting frugal ideas | (28) |
| (Some Angry Pet Lover) |  |
Still more pet food recalls, including ferret food. Won't it ever stop? | (94) |
 |
 |
The top 10 hottest billionaire heiresses. Giggity | (153) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Photoshop this Spanish performer | (51) |
 |
|
Woman creates retractable high heeled shoes. Strippers can now blend in with regular women | (64) |
 |
 |
Blind man can't see why limo driver wouldn't let his guide dog in the car, hopes charges under an imperceptible state law will help him see the light | (100) |
 |
 |
How to save $1 million, keep off my lawn | (42) |
| (The Greenville News) |  |
College study shows that double dipping a chip does dramatically increase bacteria levels. George Costanza unavailable for comment | (34) |
 |
|
God, I hate hippies | (288) |
|
 |
Thousands of campers flee California wildfire. Submitter wonders if they ever even heard of marshmallows? | (16) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Dictionary.com features both Spanish and English Words of the Day. Not that Farkers could use there spelling and grammer tips | (63) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Klingons invade small northwestern town. With amusing explanations of Klingon culture, language and weaponry | (36) |
| (mashable) | |
Death by lawyer: 10 cool sites we miss | (105) |
| (PowerlineBlog) |  |
New 1,621 page book by Charles Manson's prosecutor concludes that JFK conspiracy theorists are morons | (67) |
 |
|
Laundromat with 6 types of beer on tap, Farkers can now throw up on themselves and be clean within the hour | (48) |
| (ABC7 Chicago) | |
"Ok, bring it back, a little to the left, back a little farther, PERFECT". Boom. "Ooops" | (23) |
| (Sioux City Journal) |  |
Nude photos of nursing home residents prompt investigation, detectives puzzled by numerous wrinkles in the case | (28) |
 |
 |
Mars cancels plans to include animal products in candy after vegetarians throw a hissy-fit | (82) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Cop pulls over porn actress, and offers her a way to pay off the fine early. Cue "boom-chick-a" music, as he "made little videos" of it, too | (81) |
 |
|
Squirrel attacks three students and causes school lockdown. Status of the squirrel's balls set to huge | (36) |
| (mcall) |  |
Man fights 2-year court battle over his right to call someone an asshole | (67) |
| (Spiegel.de) |  |
Objectophile: A person who has feelings for, and sexual relationships with buildings, trains, machines, etc. SRSLY | (78) |
 |
|
Displaying incredible forensics skills, central Illinois authorities investigating a missing eagle egg believe "the culprit could be a raccoon or a human." | (8) |
| (Some Seeker) |  |
Ex-Wiccan- Satanist- Vampire- Wiccan- Voudon- Freemason says current Archbishop of Canterbury is a Druid. And then it gets weird | (67) |
 |
 |
Employers sending fake phishing emails to see how dumb their employees are. Number one clicked phishing email? Oh yeah, cat pictures | (70) |
| (Bradenton Herald) | |
If your name is Darwin, maybe you shouldn't be standing on a roof during a violent thunderstorm | (37) |
| (Sunday GazetteMail) |  |
Someone's been sleeping in my bed, and he's still naked | (20) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Student who has been picked on all year tells school officials about the problem. They do nothing; so he fights back and gets suspended | (300) |
| (KARE Minneapolis) | |
Man successfully robs bank with a flower delivery, an unmarked package, a trash bag, and a limousine. Come back next week when he tries again with a swimming cap, a garden hose, a can of whipped cream and a skateboard | (33) |
| (Chosun Ilbo) | |
"Women are more developed creatures than men since they have one more hole" | (134) |
 |
|
There will be no services at the First Presbyterian Church today as there is a sniper holed up in the building. Please remember to tithe double next week | (33) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"There are a couple of paintings (Michael) Jackson made of children, of boys—naked. And there are some of his whitening creams, some sex aids...This is stuff we have kept from the auction out of respect to Mr. Jackson" | (96) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop these three modern knights in shining armor | (51) |
 |
|
18-year-old California girl deferred enrollment to Stanford to be the youngest person to climb Mount Everest. But is she cute? | (171) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
No grunting rule has some weightlifters grunting foul | (86) |
 |
 |
Old and busted: karaoke night at the bar. New hotness: Guitar Hero nights | (66) |
|
|
Teen who used exploding pens to hurt students gets 9 years in a pen | (43) |
 |
|
29-year-old hippie chick from Essex could be the first U.S. First Lady with a tongue stud | (161) |
 |
|
Bid to rewrite list of Seven Wonders of World (with voting enabled for your suggestions) | (85) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
California state senator rear ends someone while talking on a cell phone; had voted for a law imposing fines for using a cell phone while driving | (53) |
|
|
MI5 'robbed bank to secure Royal sex photos' Obvious & Unlikely tags duke it out in absence of 'WTF' tag | (21) |
|
|
Scottish haggis championship won by 22-year-old Northern Irishman. SNP attempt to takeover Stormont in revenge | (16) |
 |
|
U.S. retirement and health-care programs may go bankrupt, since neither party wants to touch those issues before the next president arrives in 2009 | (66) |
|
|
Gay rights activists in Warsaw would like everyone to see Poles in a different light | (18) |
| (Korea Times) | |
35% of Korean working women binge-drink to point of blackout, study says. British women unavailable for comment due to blackout | (46) |
| (ibnlive.com) | |
Can adultery save marriages? | (122) |
 |
 |
Paris eat your heart out, these kids truly earned the red carpet treatment | (28) |
|
|
84% of women in survey say they've met new men by ass grinding in club | (68) |
|
|
White House advised that soon-to-be British PM Gordon Brown will likely announce plans for troop withdrawal within first 100 days of office | (139) |
| (Huntsville Times) | |
Sword swallower becomes the first person to swallow a sword underwater in a tank full of sharks and stingrays | (29) |
 |
|
Homeless man rescued from garbage truck arrested for punching 70 year old man at nursing home | (31) |
|
|
Supplies of sardines and icecream are running short as one thousand pregnant women gather under one roof | (13) |
| (Daily Bulletin) | |
Before you cry over this devastating interstate beer truck crash, remember it was Coors (beershovel photo goodness) | (105) |
 |
|
Theme: How the world of today will appear in the museums of tomorrow | (36) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Caption these web surfers | (83) |
Sat May 19, 2007
| (Waterstones) | |
The top book of the past 25 years: "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"? | (158) |
| (Des Moines Register) | |
New Iowa lottery tickets show image of John Wayne. The one Duke who doesn't suck | (60) |
| (Quad Cities Online) | |
Iowans may soon be able to legally hunt species known for their flashy sideburns. Elvis impersonators currently cancelling Indian casino gigs | (32) |
 |
|
It's often said that speeding tickets pay police officers' salaries, but rarely is that so true as in Marble Falls, Texas | (81) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Michael Moore gives his online nemesis at MooreWatch $12,000 to help pay his wife's medical bills, nemesis shows his gratitude with angry tirade | (462) |
 |
|
Fake Steve Jobs gets a book deal. In other news, Fake Bill Gates will also write a book. It won't be as good but will sell 10 times as many copies | (42) |
| (Statesman) | |
The National Association of State Boards of Education is about to elect a president who opposes teaching evolution | (241) |
 |
|
Vitamins may put you at risk for cancer. Researchers expect to soon link puppies, ice cream and happiness to cancer as well | (62) |
 |
|
National average gas price hits $3.15 on news that we're having Memorial Day this year, too | (148) |
 |
|
Today's "burglar leaves wallet, identification and his parole card at scene of crime" brought to you by McMinnville, TN | (21) |
 |
|
Customer does not appreciate Dunkin' Donuts' new chocolate metal chips muffin | (39) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Russian and NATO forces are waging virtual warfare on Estonia's cyber territory | (90) |
| (The Irish Times) | |
If anyone has seen or knows the whereabouts of the "Iranian National Cycling Team", the Irish police would love to find out | (55) |
| (WLBZ2.com) | |
Self proclaimed Vietnam vet who'd fought in the bloody battle of Hamburger Hill helps raise $1100 for memorial. The only problem is he was only eight years old at the time | (79) |
 |
|
33-year old woman arrested for exposing herself to a 13-year old boy. Well that doesn't sound so badOH GOD MY EYES | (355) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this awake-at-the-switch guy | (53) |
 |
|
Doctors tell woman that they'll be happy to tell her the source of her migraine headaches if she'll just let them know how she got the bullet inside her brain in the first place | (32) |
| (Metro.co.uk) | |
Nothing quite says "ready for nuclear armageddon" like radiation-proof underpants | (31) |
 |
|
Saturday's NHL playoff thread. Sens at Sabres, 2pm | (432) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Taiwan casts Magic missile, China crosses fingers hopes for saving throw | (72) |
 |
|
Alleged spyware maker Zango is suing anti-spyware maker PC Tools | (86) |
|
 |
Actual headline: Ladder-related accidents climb in U.S | (31) |
 |
|
Ugly-ass born on British farm. Awwwww. (w/pic) | (40) |
|
|
If you have $15 million burning a hole in your pocket and you always wanted your very own castle, have we got a deal for you in Massachusetts | (67) |
|
|
Eight six seven five three ooh niiiine, you can't have that number because its miiine | (54) |
 |
|
45th million visitor to Seattle space needle to receive free trip to Paris. No, the other one | (50) |
|
|
If your real name is "Love Sky Dancer", customs is going to look through your stuff for dope | (52) |
|
|
Not content to let the National Weather Service get all the publicity, Accuweather is now also predicting a hotter-than-normal summer. With the exception of Texas, which for some reason will get a free pass this year | (65) |
| (MaineToday) | |
High school students protest presence of goth gang in school. Principal sides with goths, suspends students who protested. Wait... what? | (259) |
 |
|
Study finds sexual advances at singles bars are common. Still no cure for cancer | (67) |
 |
|
In a story deserving a Yakety Sax soundtrack, police capture burglar who was dragging a blowtorch and gas cans down a residential street while being chased by a naked homeowner | (28) |
 |
|
You can't bring him inside, but there are bars in Philly where you can have a beer with your dog | (66) |
| (EarthTimes) | |
If you're driving through the California desert and happen see a UFO, just know in advance that it's not aliens, it's art | (32) |
 |
|
KC Anti-Porn crusader going after adult entertainment venues. In other news, all the major adult entertainment venues are listed in the article. Should you be in KC and looking for adult entertainment | (92) |
| (The Local) | |
One free gift you don't want in your breakfast cereal: a dead, shrivelled-up, English bat | (55) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Three teachers and a minister arrested for having sex in a public park. Unfortunately they are all old butt-ugly men. (with horrid mug shot goodness) | (83) |
| (N&O) | |
"Bill Clinton's flight was the latest and most spectacular of a string of Triangle-area emu escapes that ended in death." | (56) |
| (Fox5Vegas) | |
Medical professionals ask, "Is alcohol actually healthy?". Subby asks, "where was the signup sheet for this test?" | (26) |
 |
|
Two "experienced climbers" fall 1,900 feet to their deaths on Alaska's Mt. McKinley. Thankfully, they saved thousands of dollars by not getting lost and wasting everyone's time | (129) |
| (Some Guy) | |
It's that time of year again. Photoshop this graduate and her big balloons | (59) |
| (klastv) | |
Governor appointee drops a word they won't mention, recorded at a city council meeting. "One used by men to hurt a woman verbally" | (97) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Eighth-graders in Maine give up their class trip money for the poor. Kids today, thinking of nothing but themselves | (28) |
|
|
Tony Blair makes final visit to Iraq, congratulates self on a job well-done | (23) |
|
|
Everything you ever wanted to know about kimonos, but you were too afraid to ask because someone might cut off your arm with a samurai sword | (24) |
| (koco) | |
Here is how to properly remove a tick. Surprisingly pouring gasoline on your leg and dropping a match is not suggested | (69) |
 |
|
Starcraft 2 Official. Let the nerdgasm commence | (261) |
| (Some Guy) | |
High number of moms, teachers admit pot use. "Dude, clean your roo... pass the cheetos" | (71) |
| (Some neo-Keynesian Guy) | |
Canadians may be forced to take the medicine of higher interest rates by the end of the year to cure a stubborn case of inflation, economists say. But because most of the inflation is caused by energy prices, it's a monetarist suppository | (19) |
|
|
Guy pays $2500 to sniff Lady Diana's bike seat | (22) |
| (Review Journal) | |
Hummer dealership ordered to take down its American flag by the City Council, in Las Vegas, NV, USA... wait, what? | (83) |
 |
|
Evangelizing Christians mistaken for child molesters | (110) |
|
|
Feel the Earth Shake? A record 24,461 gathered in Ljubljana and 40 other cities to dance the quadrille. Where the hell's that, and whats the 'quadrille' ? | (28) |
|
|
People angry. About rocks in the woods | (38) |
 |
|
Columnist tries to explain cat threads to the masses. Welcome to Caturday morning | (156) |
 |
|
Cool: Finding $10 on the floor. Spiffy: Buying a $10 lottery ticket and winning $1,000,000. Sappy: Winner is a mother who is working in a gas station to pay for college | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Chinese woman grows five inch horn out of her head. With disturbing photo goodness | (162) |
|
|
Man steals over 400k in pure silver one piece at a time, and it didn't cost him a dime, you'll know it's him when he comes through your town | (39) |
Fri May 18, 2007
|
|
Theme: If political advertisements had to comply with "Truth in Advertising" regulations... | (119) |
 |
|
If you're getting welfare because you're claiming to be disabled, don't compete for title of your town's Strongest Man in your copious amounts of free time. Or be like like this jackhole - your call (pic) | (32) |
|
 |
One of Canada's aerial acrobatic team, the Snowbirds, has crashed in Montana. Story developing | (100) |
|
|
Five things you shouldn't tell your significant other. Surprisingly, "I slept with your brother" and "yes, you do kind of look a little fat in those" didn't make the list | (93) |
 |
|
Yoink, bling, bam | (40) |
| (Consumer Affairs) | |
Gas prices set six records in six days. Who's hand is in your wallet? | (385) |
| (CJR) | |
In their latest effort to reverse a decades-long slide in readership, newspapers are killing off editorial cartoons | (89) |
|
|
Moderate drinking helps prevent cancer. Beer: Is there anything it can't do? | (67) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Canadian dollar reaches highest level in 30 years, worth 92 cents against U.S. dollar. Canadian Farkers look forward to the day when they can look at U.S. prices in stories and sneer, "That's what, 53 cents in real money?" | (164) |
|
|
British news media criticized for obsessing on missing cute blonde girl. U.S. welcomes them to 1996 | (53) |
|
|
Chinese writing dates back to 8,000 years, not 4,500 as previously believed. In related news, Adam's fig leaf was only about half the size previously believed | (157) |
|
|
Today's teacher/student sex case comes from Glenwood Springs, Colorado. With picture that would make you debate yourself on hitting it | (198) |
| (Las Cruces News) |  |
The warp core breach has been averted: Scotty's ashes finally found | (75) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop theme: If women controlled the world.... LGT inspiration | (100) |
 |
|
Wal-Mart supporter shows up at anti-Wal-Mart rally. This should end well | (386) |
| (Galveston County Daily News) | |
When did giving your son an acre of land become a fineable offense? | (115) |
| (9news.com) | |
Asking a cop for his ID will net you $8,500 | (285) |
 |
|
Actual headline: "Will we have gas during hurricanes?" | (83) |
| (Chief School Man) | |
South Carolina schools to improve national education rank by testing students lesser often | (109) |
|
|
UK's new anti-crime agency claims it removed 20 percent of Europe's cocaine supply in first year of operation. In related news, UK's new anti-crime agency increases Europe's cocaine price 40 percent in first year of operation | (103) |
|
|
Reminder: Philly Fark party this Saturday, May 19 8pm. Nodding Head Brewery. Drew will be there. DIT. Link goes to previous thread | (121) |
|
|
What do you do when you've got a government project that's killed people and is $13 billion over budget? Why, turn it into a driving range for state troopers, of course | (121) |
| (Some Guy) | |
128 cats euthanized. Let's paws for a moment of silence | (317) |
| (WESH.com) | |
Women drivers increasingly engaging in risky behavior. Giggity | (176) |
| (Some Tagger) | |
Graffitti artist shortlisted for Darwin Award after spraypainting an electrical substation. Edison nods in approval | (161) |
 |
|
NRC "concerned" after former nuke-plant security chief airs claim that he was an assassin. No word on if he worked for Monty Burns | (47) |
| (Some blueswoman) | |
Bay Area Blues & Billiards Fark party this Sunday. Next-to-last party, I'm leaving CA. Come by and say hi | (38) |
 |
|
SoCal baby boomers introducing a new generation to the simple joy of steaming the windows at a drive-in theater | (75) |
 |
|
Maine to ban cellphone use for minor motorists. Still okay for major a-holes | (77) |
|
|
London police are hunting a stolen blue-throated Amazon parrot called Chelsea who screeches when anyone mentions Manchester United. Fowl play suspected | (43) |
| (WKYT News) | |
Danville, Kentucky proposes banning karaoke, dancing, pool. Residents expected to cut loose, footloose, kick off their Sunday shoes | (77) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Piercings, worn the entire school year, keep a girl from walking at graduation | (615) |
| (Twin Cities) | |
If you're going to propose to your ex-wife, make sure there's no restraining order against you. And you definitely don't want to do it on Jerry Springer with your probation officer watching | (61) |
| (KSAT) | |
When your bride-to-be packs all your stuff into your van and sinks it in the harbor, the wedding is probably off | (55) |
 |
|
Dear Lottery Commission: I know that you put lottery money to good uses, so I'd like to request that you build a replica of the Starship Enterprise where Trekkies could meet | (50) |
|
|
The FCC has officially approved the iPhone, probably because they knew that angry mobs would burn them at the stake if they didn't | (230) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this pillowfight aftermath | (57) |
| (Florida Today) | |
America doesn't care that a $1 coin featuring John Adams is coming out, mainly because they can't figure out a way to put a $1 coin in a stripper's g-string | (224) |
| (Edmonton Sun) | |
Principal gives four elementary students assignment that blows: Write an essay about fellatio | (138) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Caption Oprah as a graduate | (94) |
| (thinkprogress.org) | |
Fox News's John Gibson forced to apologize for "donkey punch" and "angry pirate" description aired on his show | (305) |
|
|
Prison guards team up with inmates to dress as Village People for prison fundraiser. Who could possibly be upset about that? | (21) |
| (WOAI) | |
Principal loses job after failing required test. For the 36th time | (64) |
|
|
High court rules that engagement rings given in failed marriage proposals do not belong to the would-be bride, no matter how many blows it took to get it | (185) |
| (Some Guy?) | |
Ann Coulter's column on the death of Jerry Falwell is a veritable treasure trove of insanity | (835) |
 |
|
Lottery claims $500,000 ticket is a misprint | (87) |
|
|
Le Coq Sportif is coming back to try again. Maybe they didn't realize the problem in the first place | (40) |
 |
|
Actual headline: Man crushed by flying cow | (64) |
| (some nonpartisan) | |
D.C. Fark Party. Friday, June 8. We're taking our case all the way to Capitol Hill this time | (106) |
|
|
Cuba to spend $185 million to reverse dip in tourism. In other news, Cuba has $185 million | (47) |
|
|
Birds choose sewage- and waste-filled lake as a home. Well, it was either that or Jersey | (19) |
|
|
Prince Harry being forced not to deploy to Iraq or various local strip clubs. Let's just say that his majesty is not amused | (53) |
|
|
Woman beats off attacking shark with camera, footage available soon on YouChewed | (50) |
| (Metro.co.uk) | |
British sailor adrift for two days in Caribbean is rescued -- by a man who lives around the corner from him in England | (23) |
 |
|
TV reporter tries to feed herself on $3 a day worth of food stamps. Luckily makeup wasn't part of the deal | (163) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this tired ice-crawler | (45) |
|
|
If your dream job involves fast cars, laser watches and having sex with beautiful foreign spies, you may be interested to know MI6 is having a recruitment drive | (58) |
 |