Sun May 06, 2007
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75-year-old cancer survivor becomes one of the oldest people to reach the North Pole | (14) |
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EMTs gone wild. "You've got to be a dumb ass to do something like this" | (11) |
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Yellowstone hit with 16 earthquakes near the center of its volcano, which hasn't erupted in 70,000 years. EVERYBODY PANIC | (57) |
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Man fails to break Guinness World Record because his 40 volunteers made addition and subtraction mistakes and had trouble reading a 24-hour clock | (22) |
| (TEXYT.com) |  |
3M's sticky bear is VERY pleased to see you -- Sly designers slip subtle weener joke into product (see if you can spot it). Stiff penalties expected, but public is already hooked | (86) |
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Ugly-ass baby killer whale J42 born in Puget Sound (pic) | (34) |
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If the traffic light's about to go red, sometimes it's smart to just keep going | (120) |
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Noted mis-speaker Yogi Berra will give the commencement address at St. Louis University on May 19. If you don't learn nothing how can you learn anything? | (45) |
| (Some Stormy Guy) |  |
Caption this soldier | (97) |
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Animal rights loons break into sanctuary and release birds into the wild. Birds get killed to death. | (106) |
| (Star-Telegram.com) | |
Thief breaks into house, steals Harry Potter books and tapes. Mundungus? | (61) |
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Not news: Join the Army. News: See the world. Fark: Contract an STD and collect $100 a month for life | (126) |
| (Halifax Herald) | |
In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women...then you get Kelloggs to add twice as much of it to Special K | (96) |
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Photoshop this Coachella Chicken | (40) |
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Scientists find virus that is deadly to fireants | (135) |
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Prom goes into lockdown after broken-hearted teen threatens to "pull another Virginia Tech." And sweet memories were made by everyone | (59) |
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20,000 stoners assemble in downtown Toronto. Hot dog vendors seen lighting cigars with $100 bills | (74) |
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The Irish pub is dying | (115) |
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Couple doesn't have to wait long for hotel valet to retrieve their car, as he drives it through wall of second-story parking garage and feet away from Atlantic Ocean | (22) |
| (Times-Free Press) |  |
Crematory consumed by fire | (63) |
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Vatican hands down first-ever drug conviction. First-ever child buggery conviction would have been better | (91) |
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Missing Kenya Airways jet found in Cameroon. (no word yet concerning the 114 passengers) | (46) |
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Sarkozy wins French Presidency. Suck it, French libs | (297) |
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Brewery ordered to pay alcoholic beer taster $50,000 | (47) |
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Dutch restaurants would like to thank Belgium for banning smoking | (168) |
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Her name is Satepauhoodle. She's a Native American tracker. And she's a member of a Secret Service unit known as "The Shadow Wolves." Guys: whichever of you marries her, you better damn well remember your anniversary | (97) |
| (Cape Cod Times) | |
Skydiving business makes a big bang on their maiden flight and leaves a big impression in the neighbours house(with pic) | (62) |
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Man proposes to woman on zero-G flight. She says "YegGGAHHPLHFHAGGGG" | (27) |
| (TVNZ) | |
Police to public: We've covered the city with radar, no driver can escape. Prosecutors to police: Please stop, and don't waste our time with speeding tickets unless the driver is going more than 20 miles over | (32) |
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Woman expresses indignation at quote on Starbucks cup | (396) |
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YouTube to pay users | (49) |
| (Honolulu Advertiser) | |
The Navy's latest nuclear sub, the USS Hawaii, becomes active today. Aloha | (84) |
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Iowa is the nation's phone-sex crossroads - proving that if you build it, they will cum | (24) |
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Columnist observes that comments on news articles are written mostly by anonymous idiots | (88) |
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Tractor driver ploughs up asparagus crop worth £10,000 in error, forfeits all tips. w/ pic showing what asparagus looks like | (73) |
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Couple burned alive for "black magic". This news just in from the seventeenth ce.... no, wait, it's from India | (65) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this streetlight | (81) |
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This summer's "White Woman Gone Missing" news-filler-to-24/7-coverage brought to you by Fox news and Plainfield, IL | (69) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Not news: Wife catches husband cheating. News: He gets arrested. Fark.com: Because he was doing a pit bull | (95) |
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The local government of Treviso, in northern Italy, has ordered the city's Chinese restaurants to remove red lanterns from their windows because they look too "oriental" | (43) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Strip club plans foiled by eerily quiet parrot shop | (34) |
| (NBC5.com) |  |
Cicadas Ready To Invade Chicago. EVERYBODY PANIC | (50) |
| (Some Guy) | |
"If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death." So sayeth the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport public address system | (168) |
| (kgw.com) | |
Boy's earache all better once doctor removes the spiders from his ear | (108) |
| (Wikipedia) |  |
Al Gore is coming to my school this week to give a lecture. What question would you ask him? Please note: the crazy people have already been sending us emails for 2 months | (382) |
| (MaineToday.com) | |
Brush fire blazes through cemetery. Hundreds are feared dead | (31) |
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Teen thinks yellow liquid in juice bottle came from an apple, takes a drink. It's on Fark, so you probably know the real origin of the yellow liquid | (57) |
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There's cautious, there's paranoid, and then there's this guy, building a "KGB-proof" mansion | (25) |
| (Inside Bay Area) | |
Bay area church declares that spanking kids is God's will. Decisions on monkey spanking to remain in the hands of men | (54) |
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Queen Elizabeth attends Kentucky Derby wearing festive hat. Prince Phillip overheard asking "Which one of these horses is married to my son?" | (40) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Soccer game for priests, imams canceled because the teams could not agree on whether women priests should take part | (19) |
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Arctic bearded seal spotted in Florida. Still no sighting of the elusive bearded clam | (33) |
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Museum asks residents to bring in 1,000 cockroaches for a quarter a piece. They were delicious | (34) |
| (kstp.com) | |
Pizza chain uses new "secret" topping. Now offers complimentary hepatitis shots. Who says ingenuity is dead? | (36) |
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Armed with a butcher knife, robber asks victim, "Do you need a roommate?" Then things get weird | (23) |
| (The Kansas City Channel) | |
Registered sex offender says laws targeting sex offenders need to be revised | (89) |
| (NZHerald) | |
Speeding car swerves to plough through 20 partying teenagers. You kids get off my damn hood, windshield, side-mirrors, roof, spoiler, tyres, etc | (73) |
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Australian primary school now offering XXXXXL-size uniforms, buckets | (51) |
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Feds hold cocks over tainted feed concerns | (30) |
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Study shows Torrie David Cameron is on course to become PM. Suck it, Labours | (60) |
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Dyslexic man told 'put meeting request in writing', his case will be heard in the Administrative Appeals Tribunal as soon as he files the correct paperwork | (54) |
| (Some Sandwich Guy) | |
Photoshop this sandwich guy | (63) |
Sat May 05, 2007
| (Some Guy) | |
Man uses a stick of deodorant duct-taped to batteries to rob a bank. MacGyver wanted for questioning | (22) |
| (Some Guy) | |
What have you done lately to make your life better? | (469) |
| (NBC10) | |
You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney, you have the right to get groovy with my wang | (42) |
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Woman fired from Subway and charged with theft after sharing her FREE drink | (152) |
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Single military parents deployed abroad are losing custody of their children by default | (125) |
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Just how bad is Australia's water crisis: priests have conceded that even praying is pointless at this stage | (62) |
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Unbelievable aerial photos of Greensburg, KS | (343) |
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70 years later, Hindenburg survivors recall the historic fiery crash, subsequent manatee-related cliches | (48) |
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Worker fired for being an atheist. But clearly that's okay because atheism isn't a religion | (778) |
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Man has an estimated half-million dollars worth of Spider-Man merchandise in his basement. (w/video) | (35) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
Sewage spill in the Hudson River. The Bronx expected to have better-than-usual smell today | (28) |
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Brazilian government has ordered an Internet auction site to remove an advertisement in which a Brazilian man offered to sell his wife for about $50 | (31) |
| (FortWayne.com) | |
In another example of poor planning and unreal optimistic thinking the "Wall of the Fallen" an Iraq war memorial has run out of room. It was out of room last November. Sad tag goes away to cry in the corner | (183) |
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Reed Timmer being crazy, again. This time in Ellis County, OK. Amazing tornado video from yesterday | (45) |
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Street Sense goes from 19th to 1st in final 1/2 mile to win the 133rd Kentucky Derby | (54) |
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Graffiti terrorists tearful after anti-graffiti squad cracks down on four block long hopscotch masterpiece | (46) |
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Fuel efficient cars are decimating road budgets | (117) |
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Taco Bell closes rat fiesta restaurant | (24) |
| (Martha's Vineyard Times) | |
County manager to FEMA: A storm washed away part of our beach so give us money to fix this disaster. County residents: Please don't fix it, we like our new moat. County manager: But...but...it's free money | (31) |
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Apparently Microsoft's takeover of Yahoo is DOA | (26) |
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Unpublished Steinbeck manuscripts expected to fetch at least $500k at auction. In utter loneliness a writer tries to explain the inexplicable | (25) |
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Shhhh Why don't 110 of our bus drivers have a driving licence? | (32) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this athletic stud on the field | (51) |
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Dow Jones on biggest winning sequence since just a few years before the Great Depression | (149) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
ConEd says it will cost New Yorkers 17% more for the electric company to fry NYC dogs and blackout Queens for 10 days. If this was St. Louis you would've heard all about it already | (56) |
| (New York Times) | |
NY High School students downloading porn, cheating, hacking with free laptops. School officials shocked and surprised; student's parents shocked and surprised at naivete of school officials | (38) |
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Man arrested for phoning in bomb threat to the School for the Deaf | (43) |
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News: NewsCorp offers to buy Dow Jones for $60/share. Obvious: Bancroft family rejects offer to keep control of company. Fark: Shareholders sue family and company | (60) |
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City judge turns $250 public drinking fines into $1000 fines after the accused tried to pay | (72) |
| (KATV) | |
Teen girls no longer wanting all A's. Now looking for some C's and D's | (348) |
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Caption what Oscar de la Hoya and Floyd Mayweather Jr. are thinking, at the weigh-in for tonight's big fight | (124) |
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DC Madam story goes limp, claims this has never happened before | (114) |
| (Stars and Stripes) | |
Military "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" series includes tale of gay sailor's discharge, then recall of seaman to active duty to serve in Iraq War | (294) |
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Craziest Rube Goldberg device you'll see all day | (163) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this soccer player | (58) |
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Marquee in Spanish, advertising translated Shakespeare play, changed to English when a couple people complain they don't understand it | (144) |
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Sixth-grader admits to stabbing mother duck and ducklings with pencil. I sure hope the ducks had that insurance... what's it called... you know, the one that pays you cash if you're injured | (205) |
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Ohio bank robbery suspect busted in salon while trying to change his hair color. "Maybe in a big city you can get away with walking around with orange hair, but in a smaller town you probably stand out," FBI explains | (23) |
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Silly scheme strands several strollers in the shizzle | (18) |
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Kenya Airways jet crashed in Cameroon; fate of 114 people onboard unknown | (98) |
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The most disturbing, but rather funny Calvin and Hobbes parody you'll see today | (107) |
| (The Local) | |
Chernobyl fallout is still killing Swedes. Your reindeer wants a radiation suit | (73) |
| (Las Vegas Now.com) | |
Small plane crashes on Las Vegas street near Mandalay Bay. All survive, Nicolas Cage and John Malkovich said to be OK | (41) |
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Scientists trick Indian tribe into handing over blood samples for 'diabetes' study. Scientists really used the blood "for research into schizophrenia, inbreeding and migratory patterns." | (59) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Kangaroo escapes at airport in Salt Lake City...TSA calls in Sylvester the cat for back-up | (20) |
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British rail passengers stranded as employees fight over a pint....of milk. Pic of worker who got creamed | (21) |
| (keepMEcurrent.com) | |
There is a young boy from Maine, arson is his claim to fame, but being only nine, he wont serve any time, and yeah, this headline is lame | (35) |
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Greensburg, KS tornado causes one death, 40 injuries, and the partial collapse of a hospital. "About 75 percent of Greensburg was either destroyed or heavily damaged" from half-mile wide twister | (116) |
| (Stars and Stripes) | |
Air Force officer, wife charged with child abuse for making preschool sons watch them have sex | (73) |
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Silly English robber elects to flee from the scene of his crime in a slow beeping forklift after punching security guard. Hey Nigel, that backup alarm might come in handy while you're spending the next six years in prison | (11) |
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We're building a school, so we'll need bricks..cement..tiles..and bombs. Lots of bombs | (99) |
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Never bring a plastic beer mug to a Taser fight | (8) |
| (Some Guy) | |
News: 6 year old missing in the night. More news: Sixteen cops and over 100 people join search. Fark.com: Five hours later somebody gathered the brain power to look in her bed; and whatta ya know | (37) |
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There once was a killer from Bath / Who threw the police off his path / Victim's pal wrote a poem / Cops think it will show 'em / The name of the Bath psychopath | (31) |
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Wal-Mart labels Texas nuns a security threat. EVERYBODY PAN ... wait, what? | (40) |
| (Some Pizza Guy) |  |
Coliseum to vendor: Keep selling pizza through the national anthem. Pizza vendor: Die in a fire | (94) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this creepy hairpiece | (73) |
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What is the scariest experience you've had while flying? LGN | (376) |
| (channel 5) | |
Your monthly "mom poses nude with kids and sends film to be developed" crime thread starts here | (109) |
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Ugly-ass intersexual calf born with six legs, no anus | (72) |
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Her gift seriously beat his: wife donates kidney to hubby, saves marriage | (25) |
| (Some Guy) |  |
Tornado levels Greensburg, Kansas. No link yet, submitter in the area | (750) |
Fri May 04, 2007
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Wisconsin man's 1990 Audi Quattro stolen twice in one day. Seriously | (46) |
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Denver police aren't allowed to ride motorcycles unless they write at least two tickets per hour | (94) |
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Another affect of global warming: vultures attacking living creatures | (86) |
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NRA objects to proposed bill that would prohibit suspected terrorists from buying guns. Wow, just wow | (362) |
| (Des Moines Register) | |
Turns out there is something in Iowa besides cows and corn: Garage sales | (42) |
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Today's missing hard drive with vital details of 100,000 employees' personal lives brought to you by the Transportation Security Administration in a clear plastic bag to ease your check-in | (44) |
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Do spouses of widows and widowers really tend to croak shortly after their loved ones? The Straight Dope is there | (80) |
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Mitt "flip flop" Romney changes his mind about his favorite book. Apparently it's not "Battlefield Earth" like once thought. Anyone wanna guess what it REALLY is? | (314) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Cops come to class to discuss Internet crimes. Student to cops "Hey check out this picture of my coach's genitals he just sent me." | (79) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Paris to stay in the California Hilton for 45 days | (405) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Photoshop this groovy baby | (71) |
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This story about gas prices says prices are "flirting with $3 a gallon." Where submitter lives they stopped "flirting with $3" months ago and have been giving it big sloppy blowjobs and buttsecks ever since | (371) |
| (Some General) | |
"If the bids are real" General Lee sells for about $10 mill. Because no one ever puts fake bids on Ebay | (82) |
| (the-skew.com) | |
Apparently the $65 Million dollar pants judge is used to extorting money from people who have wronged him. Just ask his ex-wife | (87) |
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"If you put your toddler in a casino's day care, make sure you save enough of your bankroll to get him out." | (66) |
| (NBC) | |
Where did all the bees go? Apparently they've all moved into this single DC fire hydrant | (85) |
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Firefighters called to alarm at male strip show mobbed by women who thought they were part of the act. "One lady shouted, 'Ooo, we've got our money's worth here'" | (77) |
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Former hairdresser turned Hollywood producer Jon Peters gets served with a supoena from his ex-wife when he shows up for the unveiling of his star | (49) |
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After courts rejected their argument that it would bleed them dry, companies ordered to pay employees for menstruation leave | (149) |
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Talk radio show says on the air that he's glad his rival disc jockey's mother died in a horrible house fire | (144) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Florida moves primary to January 29th against party rules. New Hampshire responds by moving their primary to January super minus infintieth. Iowa changes theirs to last Thursday | (106) |
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Guy who couldn't keep his hands off his girlfriend's ass during a flight probably going to jail | (176) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Yesterday: Huffington Post was mad because Obama doesn't watch TV. Today: AP asks GOP candidates what they'd take to a desert island. Tomorrow: The media complains that no one cares about real issues | (52) |
| (WGRZ) | |
Student borrows female teacher's cell phone, decides to check the photos on it. Scores a load of naked teacher pics, which then get sent to everyone | (187) |
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Mayor of Mogadishu closes barn door | (80) |
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What's the worst Spider-Man creation ever? It might be Spider-Ham | (209) |
| (NY Daily News) | |
The tree that grew in Brooklyn has probably been paved over | (54) |
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School evacuated after teacher intercepts bomb threat. Bonus: The girls already were disciplined for bomb threat after VT shootings. Jackpot: They tried to detonate a bomb in school already, but threw it out when it failed | (59) |
| (WUSA) | |
Things NOT to bring to an immigration rally: guns, ammunition, knives, a Molotov cocktail, hand grenade, claw hammer, pepper spray, flare gun, and a taser | (121) |
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Today's student getting suspended for a picture on MySpace.com brought to you by Mansfield, Ohio | (92) |
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One of Jose Padilla's jurors thinks the US government is responsible for 9/11. Another says she's oblivious to world events. Since Padilla is batshiat crazy, it's nice to know he's being tried by his peers | (95) |
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Can of WD-40: $2.79. 50' of nylon rope: $12:37. Discovering that you can fix Boston's Faneuil Hall Bell that's been silenced for decades: priceless | (125) |
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Remember when Big Dig officials promised no more cost overruns? | (79) |
| (Indiana BMV) | |
Thanks to countless Farkers, Indiana gets most boring license plate ever | (201) |
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Boston's dead walk away. Last seen heading for Chicago voter registration booth | (22) |
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Imus' lawyer says producers could have bleeped out "nappy-headed ho's" because of the tape delay, but then it just wouldn't have been as funny | (123) |
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World's smallest basketball team threatens to "kick you in the knee soon" (with pics) | (47) |
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O'Bama boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. Barack's ancestry traced to Irish cobbler | (136) |
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Iranian foreign minister walks out of diplomatic dinner because icky girl violinist was dressed too sluttily and it scared him | (156) |
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Floyd Landis' attempt to lobby for a public Tour de France doping trial has been met with positive results | (48) |
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Casino profits down because of the "gang-bangers" that came to Vegas to watch the NBA all-star game. Submitter plays the world's tiniest violin for casino conglomerates everywhere | (77) |
| (dBusinessNews) | |
Remember the uproar over that pizza chain accepting pesos? Sales up 35%. ¡Aspírelo, gringos | (101) |
| (Some Guy) | |
Today's college student shooting brought to you from New Hampshire | (147) |
| (It is in the middle, folks) | |
Dallas-Forth Worth Fark party Saturday: in Euless. LGT directions | (117) |
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New Orleans passes important milestone: population swells to exactly half of the pre-Katrina level | (342) |