Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for '2007-03-04 23:59:59'

Photoshop this humongous hole

(96)

(DST)

Why exactly are we going to change the time of day next weekend?

(102)

(Some News Site)

"At the moment, there is almost a McCarthyism movement in science where the greenhouse effect is like a puritanical religion and this is dangerous"

(292)

Anti-fun activists urge Anheuser-Busch to drop sponsorship of "Idiotarod" event, featuring drunken contestants running around Washington pushing stolen shopping carts

(35)

Utah abuses prescription painkillers more than any other state in the nation. Watered-down beer and no alcohol get the blame

AP photographers claim U.S. soldiers deleted their photos and videos, and warned them not to publish images of scene where Afghan civilians were shot to death

(249)

Why the media serves us up a steaming pile of crap and we like it... By Drew

(176)

Cherokees to black natives: Since we enslaved your ancestors, we've decided to make it up to you by offering: Banishment

(226)

Youths take Lent seriously by sacrificing something vitally important to them: Facebook

(81)

(The Local)

Taxi driver runs down man to prevent what he thinks is a rape in progress. The man turns out to be woman's boyfriend. Oops

Wales' youngest councillor at 19 admits to stealing and taking drugs on his MySpace account, then gets busted for lying

(30)

Nevada congregation wonders how to properly emulate Jesus in welcoming pedophile to the flock, decides to love him with a ten-foot pole and make him sign a covenant of restrictions

(70)

Presenting terrorism insurance, as if we needed more domestic terrorists

(49)

The Sahara, one of the last original Las Vegas strip properties, has been sold, with future plans for the site undisclosed. You can bet those future plans involve a wrecking ball

(93)

Airman sentenced for throwing frog in F-16 engine

(141)

Text messaging relieves some pressures related to dating. UR QT

(33)

(The Ledger)

Vermont tree tappers worried that climate change is destroying syrup production. EVERYBODY PANCAKE!

(107)

Woman accuses Yahoo of stealing her image. What kind of sick people would use a picture without permission?

(73)

My parents had sex in my bed. What do I do now?

(181)

(Herald Tribune)

Gym's "Naked Sunday" works out, goes down without a hitch

(54)

(Malvern Gazette)

♫ Taxibus, ♪ movement of jah people ♫

(28)

Model trains are making a comeback thanks to Harry Potter. Wait, what?

"I don't care what it has under the hood, does it have an air-conditioned glove box?"

(161)

(Marietta Daily Journal)

Farker gets article written about him because he beat cancer when he was 19 (bonus picture of him training kung fu)

(81)

Ohio may not allow beer at this year's state fair. How will the carnies and fat fair-goers get laid now?

(71)

(eCanadaNow)

Two scuba divers in the Yucatan peninsula have discovered what is the world’s longest underground river known so far

(47)

Parents still complaining that pushing daylight saving ahead 3 weeks puts kids at risk. Study shows that twice as many pedestrian car accidents happen in the evening than the morning, and thus, extra light at night will save lives

(91)

Almost one million people volunteer for Clean Up Australia Day. That's one in twenty in case you were wondering

(55)

Photoshop this evil hedgehog

(100)

(Rochester D&C)

High school basketball finals cancelled after a dozen fights break out. Apparently 11 fights is just part of the game. (w/pic of cops swarming the place)

(82)

Britney Spears cranks it up a notch by yelling "I am the anti-Christ" and trying to hang herself in rehab

(440)

If you're an "anarchist" in Europe, you can live rent-free for years by squatting in a public building, and you'll get massive public support when someone finally buys it and kicks your freeloading ass out

(369)

"What's your response if your neighbour keeps peeking into your house through a crack in the door and yelling 'Open the door, let's see what's inside'?"

(65)

Michael Jackson to host exclusive party where fans will fork out $3500 to spend 30 seconds with him, with the event expecting to climax with the appearance of the local boys' chorus

(SunJournal.com)

Wash that thing before you stick it in my mouth

(43)

Tara Grant's husband arrested in northern Michigan

(128)

(Leafy McLoser)

Caption this bear on a streetcar

(67)

(myrtlebeachonline)

When aspiring for a political career, phrases such as "screw the Buddhists and kill the Muslims," adding "and put that in the minutes" is probably not a good move

(69)

In rare moment of clarity, Indiana Court of Appeals rules that people who slip and fall can't sue property owner for not shoveling snow off sidewalks

(92)

(news-medical.net)

If you guessed "the sweat of Turkish Olympic wrestlers" as this week's new and exciting hepatitis B source, come forward and claim your prize

(14)

Michael J. Fox arrested in restaurant parking lot. Submitter wishes it was the actor, because the restaurant was a Steak-n-Shake

(74)

Nine-year old Canadian boy being held in US detention center. That'll learn 'em terrorists

(253)

Stinky Beijing taxis so gross that they may "impair the country's international image when Beijing hosts the Olympic Games next year"

(44)

If you're going to be part of "the March of Those Who Disagree" in Russia, prepare for the beatings with the truncheons

(42)

Starbucks steams at "Starstrucks" Indian coffee chain. What, they are trying to sell overpriced coffee to pretentious asses? That was our idea

(46)

Museum IDs new species of dinosaur that was not mentioned in the Bible

(342)

Gay Mexican pop star comes out of the closet after pictures of his gay Canadian marriage appear online. That took a lot of courage, hombre

(53)

The Pigeon Revolutionary Front has gone cyborg, planning coo

(45)

(Helau!)

Photoshop this commuting furry

Alcohol "shooters" and "slammers" are set to be banned under industry plans to crack down on Scotland's growing binge drinking crisis

(28)

Spain allows pre-operative transsexuals to legally change their gender. Submitter is off to a club down in old SoHo, where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola, C-O-L-A cola

(98)

Oregon community no longer allows police to issue minor traffic tickets

(88)

Starting at age 11, kids in the UK will have their fingerprints taken and stored on a secret government database. Now the little droogies will be on record? Viddy well, brother

(145)

Selling your birth certificate for a few quick bucks could have some unpleasant long-term repercussions

(29)

And you all thought chiropractors were full of crap: it turns out that they can cure the pain that comes from staring down at your Blackberry all day. Submitter stands corrected

(68)

Crowd urges jumper atop parking garage to "get on with it"

(182)

(dallasnews.com)

Which witch is which. South Texas teacher resigns after keeping two girls in his classroom protecting them from others who thought they were witches

(98)

A guide for Farkers: Twelve steps to stopping sexlessness

(118)

Mohamed Al Fayed Godwins hearing on Princess Diana's death

(45)

Sat March 03, 2007:

SUBMIT A LINK

# of Comments

California teens arrested for enforcing a law by placing stickers on political signs that read "This sign violates Glendora city ordinance."

(131)

(Geek Army)

Thom Yorke Speed Painting

(98)

Germany, upset at not being allowed to attack real countries anymore, prepares to invade moon. France would surrender but they still haven't un-surrendered from last time

(105)

Morocco's King pardons 9 thousand prisoners to celebrate his daughter's birth. This will surely have no repercussions of any kinda

The coolest picture of a dead bug you will see all day

(74)

(Chris Wondra)

Teacher cures students "possessed" by infectious internet virus

(35)

(Maui News)

Threaten the police / One year in prison you get / PMITA

(64)

Old crazy cat ladies look on in envy as 67 illegal immigrants manage to cram into a one-story house

(26)

Church group upset at radio broadcast of a woman having sex with a bull

(46)

(NZ Herald)

Today's high school teenager eloping with drama teacher and blogging about it on the internet brought to you by Bebo and the letters NZ (with pics)

(93)

MI5 training bag boys to help spot terrorists. Tip-offs include bulk purchases of mobile phones, toiletries, and declaring jihad on the infidel with 35 items in the express lane

(28)

Mom storms on school bus and makes her daughter fight girl who slapped her. And people complain parents don't get involved anymore

(62)

If it's 250 Kylie Minogues, a patrol of gay surf lifesavers, Rupert Everett, and giant butterflies, it must be Sydney's Gay Mardi Gras (w/ video goodness)

Daniel Radcliffe nude acting technique: “When he had his back to the audience he pulled on it a bit to make it appear bigger”

(143)

(City News)

Woman wanted for Grand Theft Bubblicious

(26)

Photos from around the world of the lunar eclipse in progress

(67)

If you are sleeping in a dumpster, don't be surprised if you wake up in a garbage truck. (w/pics)

(25)

Photoshop this silly Indian

(66)

HP praised for collecting beer-soaked servers, Diet Pepper-sprayed keyboards and computer screens for recycling in world's biggest high-tech chop shop

(43)

"I think bacon is essentially the meat lover’s version of chocolate. It does the same thing to people"

(106)

American workers' habit of showing up late for damn near everything costing the economy $90 billion a year, according to a figure some consultant pulled out of his ass an hour after he was supposed to

(63)

SF mayor, already having a bad year, just a bit upset when he finds out he declared Feb 23rd "Gay Porn Studio Day"

(47)

Keep a memento of that special someone's halitosis

(29)

I have given so much love and received nothing but hurt. I have come to my wits end and decided that now is the time to sell it

(350)

(Associated Content)

Homeowners insurance companies' dirty secret

(108)

(NASA)

Best lunar eclipse in 2.5 years happening today. Check this map for when it'll hit your area

(158)

Caption these basketball players

(74)

Finally. Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato scented candles

(65)

Houston's new red-light cameras nabbed more than 100 government and school vehicles since the enforcement program began last fall, resulting in about $8,000 in fines

(41)

Last week, TSA began using "backscatters," which look through clothes to show passengers "as good as nude." I'll be in my overhead compartment

(273)

(Orlando Sentinel)

Critics want to end Pizza Hut's program of giving free pizza to students who read books, instead suggest "Root Vegetables for Readers" program featuring parsnip, rutabaga and turnip rewards

(187)

Italian parents beat up principal over grades

(wfaa.com)

Today's "phone number on gas pumps turns out to be gay sex chat line" story brought to you by Dallas/Forth Worth, TX

(25)

McDonald's could soon be offering McSmoothies, McIced coffee and other specialty McCoffees. Still no plans to get rid of crappy food

(109)

Who couldn't resist adding a caption to this cat kisser's picture?

(109)

(Computerworld.com)

"Fetch me the metric hammer" and other tales of torturing the new employee

(234)

~~Cruise Missile~~Street Lamp caught on Google Maps flying over Utah

(367)

Austrian prankster put shark carcass in river to freak everyone out. Brody wants to shut down the beaches, even though it will hurt the tourism based economy

(29)

Photoshop this frozen ship

(97)

Sure you're a big judge, but that doesn't mean you can wave your wang all over the subway at anyone you want

(55)

(myfoxny.com)

Just a hint: if you're going to teach a 2-year old and 5-year old to smoke pot, put down the video camera

(69)

Bush all set to use Alabama twister deaths as a springboard for political motives

(325)

"Buddahfingers, Munchy Way, Rasta Reece's, Puff-a-Mint Pattie, Keef Kat, Stoney Ranchers, Puffsi, Trippy, Pot Tart, Budtella and Toka-Cola"

(131)

(Some Justified Booing Guy)

What is your motto? (voting enabled)

(790)

A Norman Rockwell work stolen more than three decades ago has been found in Steven Spielberg's art collection

(59)

Nuclear lab develops world's greatest... dust rag?

(43)

Political correctness run amok with introduction of anatomically correct crosswalk signals

(84)

Fans to soon be banned from booing at high school games..When that day comes, President Bush and the terrists have won

(86)

(ksl.com)

Jock from Napolean Dynamite beats up a robber who busted into his home

(57)

Alberta man has first human case of rabies in two decades, which incidentally was the last time Ozzy toured Alberta

(41)

Photoshop this propaganda poster

(48)

(Bangalore)

Get a new job from India while outsourcing your current job to India

(38)

(Some Parts Delivery Guy)

United States' largest manufacturer of magnetic yellow "Support Our Troops" ribbons reports sales have gone from 1.2 million a month to barely 4,000. Why do motorists hate our troops?

(186)

(Weekly Standard)

Amaretto sours, Fuzzy Navels, and the Tom Collins have all gone to that great porcelain bowl in the sky

(203)

(Daily Mail)

Book alleges the British Evil Empire is responsible for African genocides, the Iraq War, the conflict between Palestine and Israel, global warming, and Posh Spice

(111)

When you're shoveling your driveway, and someone points out that you've shoveled their car in, do you A) apologize and correct it, B) shrug, walk away, and let him fix it, or C) throw snow at him and hit him with your shovel?

(27)

Hormel insists Spam is lovely and wonderful; unfortunately still cannot actually enlarge your penis

(136)

Shipment of body parts from Taiwan delivered to wrong address. DHL apologizes to the now traumatized Frankensteen family

(46)

What would you do with 40,000 yen? I'll tell you what I'd do, man. Two junior high school chicks at the same time, man

(76)

Girl Scout troop leader caught stealing money from cookie sales sentenced to 30 days in jail, which is still better than thirty days of listening to people argue whether Samoas or Thin Mints are better (thread bonus: voting enabled)

(130)

Chicago man sues dyslexic tattoo parlor for inking 'CHI-TONW' on his chest

(108)

Russian poisoning case expert on Dateline NBC last weekend: Speak against the Kremlin, you will pay the price. Late last night: Expert shot in front of his home

(79)

Cops raid a house, find nearly two dozen neglected dogs, but the 75 marijuana plants were in perfectly healthy

(48)

(Richmond Times-Dispatch)

Japanese Caribou walks from Prudhoe Bay to Anchorage (850 miles), then climbs highest Alaskan mountains. In the winter. Solo. What have you done lately?

(40)

Fri March 02, 2007:

SUBMIT A LINK

# of Comments

Man, with sword, breaks into his ex-girlfriends apartment, only to meet her new roomate, who also happens to have a sword. Double entendres ensue

(145)

Banks found to be overcharging customers for producing statements of their accounts so the customers can prove the bank has been overcharging them

(24)

One million rounds of ammo, machine guns and barrels of unknown liquid discovered in underground bunker below burning house in Los Angeles suburb. Jack Bauer seen leaving the scene heading back to CTU

(167)

(Some Bird)

2 years after he was stolen, cockatoo returned to owner after he was heard repeating "I love you, Corey" in a mobile home

(24)

(Kiro7)

Jail introduces "Food Loaf"... If this isn't scary enough, wait until you see the picture relating to the story

(123)

Here's to you, Mr. Get Back at My Ex Girlfriend by Leaving DVDs of Me Having Sex With Her All Over Town on People's Car Windshields (with redneck mugshot goodness)

(186)

U.S. Army Secretary Francis Harvey has resigned in light of Walter Reed scandal

(182)

Thief breaks into an elementary school and steals cookies. Police are now searching for a furry blue monster

(34)

(Orange County Register)

"At about 420 pounds, she was so large that no one -- including herself -- could tell she had carried a baby to term"

(306)

Car crash in Netherlands sends three tons of hash up in smoke. Reached for comment, police spokesman said, "That's not groovy, man"

(53)

Having solved all other problems, city council forcing White Castle to paint signature "White Castle" tan

(73)

(NewsChannel 5)

KFC and Taco Bell hire professional rat wrangler -- no joke -- to remove rats from the restaurant. With video

Best Buy: We don't have a secret website with different pricing. Attorney general: What's this? Best Buy: Oh thaaaaaat website

(298)

Her milkshake brings all the undercover police posing as prostitutes to the yard

(44)