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Jaguar mauls zookeeper to death at Denver Zoo, park closed |
(127) |
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Exhaustive research discovers what Farkers already know - Teachers, especially the hot blonde ones, are getting into more trouble these days. Ric Romero rolls his eyes and states that even he knew that |
(55) |
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Interesting: Schools experimenting with longer class days. Stupid: Those extra hours are spent "staging musicals, designing book covers for favorite novels and coming up with new cheers to boost school spirit" |
(82) |
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Sudan says U.S. is exaggerating problems in Darfur so that it can control Sudan like it is controlling Iraq. In other news, people think we have control of Iraq |
(104) |
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Police arrest man in parking lot for using a public library's wireless access after hours. Strangely, he wasn't even looking at porn |
(125) |
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"Castro mending well", due to steady diet of brains and skillful restoration work by mortuary workers |
(44) |
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Store under attack for selling "Future Porn Star" t-shirts. Nuclear mutant superbabies that are able to read are not a concern |
(49) |
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Thousands flock to see Brazilian faith healer cure cancer, AIDS, and other illnesses. He's also a used car salesman, so this is definitely on the level |
(24) |
| (Some Moran) |
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Man fakes his own kidnapping. Poorly |
(30) |
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You've read about the college student who lives out of his car. Now read about students complaining about their $4200 a month luxury dorm lofts |
(117) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this seal |
(114) |
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Vaccine fearmongers have scared so many parents that nearly-eradicated diseases are back with a vengeance |
(190) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Fark Newshound Ric Romero moonlights at NYT: Sororities discriminate based on appearances |
(43) |
| (wltx.com) |
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SC State troopers issue 175 tickets in five hours on one highway overpass. Quotas, we don't need no stinking quotas |
(137) |
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Yamaha employees arrested for selling remote controlled crop dusting helicopters to China. In other news, there are remote controlled helicopters for crop dusting, finding Sarah Conner |
(20) |
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So Iran was all, "as if" |
(98) |
| (hamptonroads.com) |
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Virginia's Department of Emergency Management agency, taking notes from Hurricane Katrina, develops plan to deal with pets and their owners in the event of a disaster. Because, well... we got the PEOPLE out so well before |
(49) |
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City to limit on how long dogs can bark |
(102) |
| (Some Tomb Raider) |
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James Cameron asks: Where is your God now? |
(475) |
| (Maine Today) |
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"My grandson's life was taken at that bridge, I ask that they name this bridge after him." Says grandmother with strange sense of when to name things after people |
(65) |
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Responsible drinking organization "DrinkWise" has credibility called into question when it is discovered that the alcohol industry funds it and staffs its board |
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| (ktbs.com) |
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Drunk Texas man goes ATV riding with his baby in his arms, showing that Darwin can prevail even when you think he lost |
(53) |
| (rocky mountain news) |
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Cops find computer stolen from courthouse in city attorneys house. "It was rather foolish of me to even think about buying a computer from a fellow in a parking lot." I bet the cops have never heard that one before |
(38) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Parents protest book that discusses being drunk getting put in schools. Schools suggest "parents monitor what their kids read", because that argument has worked so well in the past |
(31) |
| (Times Picayune) |
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Today's story about 1,000 bats living in a school brought to you by Metairie, Louisiana |
(22) |
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Training program may reduce heavy college drinking. Sadly, no students have signed up so far since they're all out getting hammered |
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Mom says posted signs and verbal warnings are 'not enough' after she ignores both and child is scratched by squirrel |
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| (Baltimore Business Journal) |
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Annual Numbers From Out Of Our Ass survey determines employers will lose $1.2 billion thanks to March Madness |
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Do you hate clowns?? So did this guy |
(105) |
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Miller Lite to now come in 7oz bottles and 8oz mini-cans |
(148) |
| (Some Scammer) |
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Kansas man gets call from London attorney insisting he has a dead relative leaving him $15 million. Of course, he packs his bags immediately. "I know this is real. I don't just think, I know" |
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No. 1: Install "not intelligent" electronic toll collection system. No. 2: Charge random amounts. No 3: Profit |
(26) |
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Ever wonder what happens to the carry-on items confiscated by airport security? |
(89) |
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81 year old security guard pulls 200-pound woman from submerged car |
(55) |
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60 Minutes, living up to their usual hard-hitting journalistic standards, interviews the flight attendant who polished Voldemort's wand |
(48) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Robbing a downtown bank is a bad idea, especially if you're a 10 year veteran of the city fire department |
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Apparently you're supposed to experience something at Starbuck's beyond annoyance and suffering a crappy excuse for real coffee. Your dog wants his money back |
(160) |
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Virgin Mary appears on a pizza pan, apparently endorses public school and italian foods |
(63) |
| (Hartford Courant) |
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Today's random blowgun dart drive-by shooting spree courtesy of Connecticut. With awesome ORLY mugshot goodness |
(45) |
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Woman allegedly advised by geese not guilty in tot death, Mother Goose still sought for questioning |
(22) |
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Study finds that rich kids work hard, are fiscally responsible, and don't expect anything, which explains why slacker, debt-ridden, entitlist liberals hate them |
(372) |
| (Flickr) |
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Photoshop this church in Reykjavik |
(84) |
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Voice of America to cease radio transmissions in Cantonese and Uzbek. In other news, your tax dollars were being spent to transmit broadcasts in Uzbek |
(39) |
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Organism that can causes a rare brain disease found in Darwin's water |
(63) |
| (The Fayetville Observer) |
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Please remove your stash before donating furniture to Goodwill |
(19) |
| (Some Guy) |
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What's the difference between checking the single box vs the divorced box on a green card application? So far, 4 years |
(50) |
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Suze Orman admits she is a 55-year-old virgin and her girlfriend just eats that stuff up |
(131) |
| (Savannah Now) |
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Dumb: Phoning in a bomb threat to 911 - Dumber: From a land line - Dumberer: From the house you are burglarizing |
(19) |
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Tom and Jerry: Children's cartoon, or Jewish conspiracy? |
(284) |
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Energy drink that was clearly labelled "not for anyone under 18" sends several Colorado teenagers to the hospital with the shakes. And since teenagers obviously can't read and weren't at fault, the drink gets banned |
(113) |
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Fifty years ago today, The New York Times invented Fidel Castro |
(63) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Fish suppliers are changing the names of seafood to avoid catch limits. Beware the Felonious Monkfish |
(52) |
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Sixteen year old girl wins $100,000 slots jackpot after exploiting loophole that bars minors from entering casinos but doesn't bar them from gambling in them |
(46) |
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Police seize 280 rare pangolins thought bound for China, is there anything the Chinese don't eat as an aphrodisiac? |
(39) |
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Dog hit by car. Neighbor amputates dog's leg with pocket knife and pruning shears. Dog dies. Police say OK |
(150) |
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Kraft Foods claim that thay own the word "Kool". Oh, yeah |
(68) |
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The winner of Australia's National Metaphor contest is harder to pick than a broken nose |
(44) |
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Univision faces $24 million fine for insisting soap operas are educational programming, how else are kids going to learn about infidelity and plunging necklines? |
(45) |
| (KFMB San Diego) |
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Being a millionaire psychotherapist and marrying your 14-year-old patient? It's all fun and games until she grows up and gets all stabby stabby |
(99) |
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Dole Fruit Company, jealous of all the publicity given to peanut butter, ships salmonella-infested cantaloupes. Infected melons haven’t received this much attention since the last Anna Nicole update |
(20) |
| (Some big gizmo) |
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Photoshop the Falkirk Wheel |
(56) |
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Catholic church takes the fun out of ___erals |
(125) |
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CNN reports hard-hitting, well-researched, completely made-up speculation that Al Gore's 2008 Presidential bid could begin at the Oscars. It's not news, it's CNN.com |
(121) |
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15-month-old playing with thrift store book finds $1300 stuck between the pages |
(71) |
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Former ACLU president caught researching child porn |
(262) |
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US sergeant convicted of touching his privates inappropriately |
(84) |
| (Some SD smoker guy) |
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After tax hike, sales of cigarettes in SD drop 60%. In other news, sales of cigarettes in border states with cheaper smokes up 60% |
(170) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Having solved all other problems Chicago schools make hand washing mandatory |
(107) |
| (KXAN.com) |
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Post Office tells you how to get rid of 90 percent of your junk mail |
(149) |
