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Sydney pub offers daycare while parents get slosh...er...have lunch |
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop the Omlette Man |
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The top 15 most annoying noises, in pictures. Amazingly, the article manages not to include the words 'Back' or 'Nickel' |
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Most Americans don't consider their jobs fun, says report released by the Department of Obviousness |
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Boy of 12 is believed to have become the world's youngest sex change patient after convincing doctors that he wanted to live the rest of his life as a female. He also would like to be a Power Ranger |
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Report says LA County can't ban trans fat in restaurants simply because they lack the authority to do so |
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Blind woman uses mini-horse named PANDA as guide, local guide-dog union outraged |
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Brazilian woman gives birth to record-setting "giant baby", twice the weight of an average baby. With picture of lil' Womb Stretcher the Magnificent |
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| (Times Daily) |
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Alabama's deer population continues to rise despite the tireless efforts of drunken hunters |
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| (Some Guy) |
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"Young man, when I was your age, we would fark like madmen" Old man arrested for giving advice about sex instead of letting teen learn about it on the Interweb tubes |
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Disabled people may now their ride motorized scooters on public roads in NJ. Insert your favorite "Jersey driver" joke here |
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| (Some Guy) |
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The coolest cylindrical aquarium you'll see today |
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Kid scores "good one dick!!" on high school exam paper |
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| (L-Space) |
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Given how he's mentioned in just about every book thread favourably, does anyone here dislike Pratchett's work? |
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Ohio considers instituting the draft to force people to serve in dangerous, third-world conditions where most of the people they come in contact with don't even speak comprehensible English |
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Sword-wielding teen killed by police after he kills his mother; local high school yearbook committee says "hey, don't look at us" |
(94) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Criminal mastermind steals money from building, walks home in snow. Is surprised when police follow his tracks |
(26) |
| (Some Guy) |
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British chef Jamie Oliver proves he drives about as well as he cooks (pix) |
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Miami sprucing up city before Super Bowl - which loosely translates into reburying Haitian voodoo undead and plastering over bullet holes in City Hall, Kate Moss |
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| (Some Guy) |
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The world's hardest Flash game ever. Warning: may induce profanity |
(179) |
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Massive poison theft may not have been committed by protesters planning to drop it in the water supply as initially theorized, but instead by marijuana growers sick of having their crop eaten by possums |
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Club that serves up sexual intercourse and pretend torture can now add alcohol and food to its menus. That sound you hear is a Fark party being planned |
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Iran is installing 3,000 centrifuges at a uranium enrichment site. EVERYBODY PANIC |
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| (The Local - Sweden) |
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In the future, women in southern Sweden will not be able to choose the sex of their gynaecologist. All doctors will be solely identified by hand-size |
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If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where smoke emits? That'd be the Ritz |
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Lounge's star performer, Jesse the Human Bomb, banned from performing at happy hour. "We don't like people blowing themselves up in Crystal River" |
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Payloader driver accidently turns his dad into source-separated organics at Long Island recycling plant |
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| (Lancaster Online) |
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Women admit they became skeptical of their spiritual healer once he started licking them |
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AudioEdit a one-minute-long Not News report |
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this happy Indian street musician |
(67) |
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Spate of arsons has Dunedin police worried. However, police think all three arsons are unrelated and not part of a larger conspiracy, even though the fires wouldn't have burned hot enough to melt the steel supports |
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Seldom on the same flight do you hear "Is anyone on board a doctor?" followed later by "Is anyone on board a pilot?" |
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Gunman attempts to rob McDonalds, is shot by gun-wielding employee. Bonus: Would-be robber had been featured in the same paper for starting an anti-crime youth group |
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| (NASA) |
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40 years ago today, the crew of Apollo 1 gave their lives in pursuit of the heavens |
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Stripper rewarded for beating off dog |
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If you're going to rob an armored car driver and run away on foot, try not to do it near a police dog academy |
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Step 1: Bang hot high-school teacher. Step 2: Sue teacher for $2.5 million for emotional distress. Step 3: profit |
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| (Waco Tribune) |
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"Neighbors said they wouldn’t be surprised at her being found in her bathrobe, though some had trouble believing she would climb into a school heating and cooling unit and die" |
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Ukrainian Chamber of Commerce chairman defends his visit to Thailand by saying that Ukranian hookers are much better looking and "do not have four breasts" |
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Police officer attacked by elderly woman wielding a cell phone, sword, and presumably her real teeth |
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Reporter to Maria "Sore Loser" Sharapova - "Serena Williams really outplayed you today." Sharapova to Reporter - "She's a dude." |
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Apparently, it's not okay to tape a student down to a bench and then punch him repeatedly in the groin. Who knew? |
(32) |
| (Some Godless Guy) |
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Seven state constitutions require a belief in God in order to hold public office. Bonus: In Massachusetts it is a requirement for equal protection under the law |
(368) |
| (Goa Herald) |
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Residents complain to local officials that their beaches are positively littered with topless women |
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Man creates MySpace page to boast of brother's marijuana crop and how often they smoke pot together. What could possibly go wrong? |
(52) |
| (Lex Luthor) |
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Superman's fortress of solitude found |
(174) |
| (Some old guy) |
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Photoshop this house painter |
(48) |
| (Fayetteville Observer) |
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Illegal aliens are scared if they go back to work at plant that was raided they may be deported. Sympathy meter pegs zero on this one, sorry |
(251) |
| (NY Journal News) |
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Middle school health teacher could lose his job after instructing his class how to draw the male form, complete with an anatomically correct danglething |
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Drug addicts who kick their habit are to be rewarded with iPods, televisions and shopping vouchers |
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| (Nevada Appeal) |
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Sensing smoke, the novelist spun around rapidly, discovering to his dismay that the puddle into which he had thrown the lit paper had, in fact, been gasoline. "Hilarity shall certainly ensue" he mused |
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Canada to innocent terror suspect deported and tortured for a year: "Our bad. Here's $9 million, we're cool, right?" |
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Co-owners of mobile home housing 66 cats and dogs arrested; deny claims of running cat picture, "do not want" Fark cliche sweatshop |
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| (The Times Record News) |
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Town official sends e-mail of "bare breasted women" to members of the Elementary School Building Committee. That damn reply all button strikes again |
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Unexpected perks of being a National Guard recruiter include sex with cheerleaders, yay team |
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Philippine troops raid MILF rebels, administer UFIAs on prisoners in PMITA prison camps |
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This year, for the first time in human history, more people will live in urban areas than rural areas. Every day in the world, 200,000 people migrate to cities. Half the new buildings in the world in the next 10 years will be built in China |
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Mistrial declared when defense attorney suffers onset of Alzheimer's in mid-closing argument |
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Big Dig ramp in Boston, closed since motorist was killed by falling ceiling panels, will reopen this weekend. You go first |
(32) |
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Man leans over to flip off cops, crashes into guard rail. Alcohol may have been involved |
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World's oldest newspaper stops printing on paper and devotes itself entirely to publishing on the Internet. What kind of idiot gets their news from sites on the Internet? Stupid idiots, that's who |
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| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this tennis player |
(70) |
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British teachers ban soccer from school playgrounds for 'health and safety reasons' |
(67) |
| (KMOV) |
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Elderly man chases Girl Scout off his lawn with a loaded shotgun |
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Archery club accused of tying down live turkeys and using them as target practice |
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| (Some Guy) |
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Hospice hires prostitute to help dying man with his last wish: to lose his virginity. "It was not emotionally fulfilling, but the lady was very pleasant and very understanding," patient explains |
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Minnesota officials considering punishing Muslim cabbies who refuse to transport alcohol and dogs. And in this rare case, the ACLU appears to be on the sensible side of the issue |
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Intoxicated rocket surgeon decides to climb across stopped freight train that had the nerve to interrupt his staggering. Chug chug. Woo woo. Goodbye, you drunken dumbass |
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