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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you drive your scooter into an open manhole and get wedged in a storm drain |
(1) |
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Food choices for a Zimbabwe Xmas: A:Turkey, B:Ham, uh, C says Rats, but I'm sure it's a mistake |
(2) |
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Cocaine can be found on 94% of Spanish banknotes, second only to the 100% rate on Kate Moss' bank notes |
(20) |
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"I stopped putting a lot of emphasis on Christmas being the Lord's birthday because, well, it's not" |
(61) |
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Setting the right tone, couple marries in emergency room |
(6) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this finger cot. Difficulty: No Marge Simpson |
(59) |
| (Some Guy) |
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The most frustrating Flash game you'll ever play. WARNING: Do not attempt while drinking |
(85) |
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Merry Xmas from the UK. Hope you have a good one |
(40) |
| (Some Sick Egyptian) |
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An Egyptian woman died of bird flu today, raising Egypt's human deaths caused by bird flu to eight, only slightly behind death by mummy's curse which is currently at twelve |
(54) |
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Guy feels guilty about shipping a Christmas tree to his daughter serving in Iraq, ends up shipping 76 so more troops can enjoy and organizing efforts to supply them to all troops next year. Sappy tag stands up and salutes |
(60) |
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Four months after being released from basement dungeon, Austrian kidnap girl ready to crawl back in |
(31) |
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A Kuwaiti court has sentenced two women to seven years in jail each for kidnapping a man and forcing him to have sex with them |
(37) |
| (KSTP) |
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Minneapolis fire chief Clay Aiken has been removed from her post without severance pay and accepted a lower-ranking job in the fire department |
(35) |
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This girl definitely has the fastest hands in the world |
(63) |
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"Boozy sex is no basis for a solid relationship" |
(51) |
| (Some Guy) |
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How Santa gets around the world, according to second-graders |
(29) |
| (wsoctv.com) |
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Most people like this time of year. Unless you name is Mary Christmas, then life is Hell |
(45) |
| (ktok-am) |
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Sometimes they use real bullets in gunfight reenactments |
(28) |
| (fcw) |
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The Defense Department's IT level has been moved to DefCon 4, blocks all html based e-mail |
(54) |
| (One Jolly Guy) |
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NORAD tracks Santa's journey around the globe. Santa strongly advised not to stray from his pre-approved flight plan if he knows what's good for him |
(50) |
| (IHT) |
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American Indian tribes gather to name rare white buffalo born in zoo. How do you say "ugly-ass" in Navajo? |
(31) |
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Immigration officers at British airports will begin lifting the veils of passengers to verify identity. Hi-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-larity ensues |
(125) |
| (WTNH) |
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'Tis the season for bank robbery...fa la la la la, la la la la |
(22) |
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What should you do with an unethical lawyer who is suspended by the bar? Why, make him a judge, of course |
(32) |
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10 myths -- and 10 truths -- about atheism |
(839) |
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Italian who met with former KGB spy who ended up poisoned arrested. Article has the type of picture of you you wouldn't want out there if you might be accused of poisoning someone |
(47) |
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Man sues after he was forced to go to a topless show in Vegas; in other news there's a job opening where you get to watch topless shows in Vegas |
(42) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Group claims forcing store clerks to listen to the same holiday music over and over can be classified as torture |
(67) |
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Last week: Retailers counting on last minute shoppers. This week: Retailers counting on post-Christmas shoppers. Next week: Only 358 shopping days left till Christmas |
(30) |
| (The Friday Thing) |
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"MySpace may as well just have one control - a button saying 'Send me to the homepage of a teenage farkwit' " |
(66) |
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TFer is looking for some good music videos with a Christmas theme. Can be serious or not, any genre |
(123) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this big prop from the Mauritania |
(39) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Paramedics say they can be kind of busy over Christmas and ask people to stop calling their emergency number because they need a taxi or they stubbed their toe |
(126) |
| (Some Deserve A Break Today) |
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McDonalds training video circa 1972 |
(261) |
| (aberdeennews.com) |
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Wrap rage: extreme anger caused by product packaging that is difficult to open |
(114) |
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Why "The Life of Brian" > "The Passion of the Christ" |
(288) |
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Soon, we may be living in a world without penguins, and no one has any idea why this "sinister and astonishing" phenomenon is occurring |
(104) |
| (Hot Rod) |
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The top ten hot rods of 2006 includes a VW Bus for hippies in a hurry |
(80) |
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School field trip takes low-income and homeless kids to buffett restaurant. "Nobody can tell me how much I can't eat," said Jackie Shack, 9. She ate a plate of nachos with cheese sauce, Jell-O, pizza and vanilla ice cream |
(132) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Merry Christmas from Australia Looks like there aren't many of us still up down under at this time of morning |
(107) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop this toy frog |
(83) |
| (Mouse Ability Test) |
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Click or click and drag. Red is bad, blue is good, green is bonus, purple is time, yellow is health. Go, grasshopper |
(84) |
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Kentuckians aren't eating enough roadkill stew. Home dentistry also becoming a lost art |
(32) |
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Family's Christmas party interrupted after strange man decides to swim in their pool. Which would have been bad enough, but he didn't even have the decency to get out of his car first |
(20) |
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Ethiopian planes bomb Somali locations. In other news, Ethiopia has an air force |
(87) |
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Montana family whose home burned to the ground earlier this month faced spending Christmas out in the cold. That is, until 100 volunteers descended on their property and built them a new home in a single weekend |
(91) |
| (WJACTV) |
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Most Americans believe in angels. Anaheim lost faith years ago |
(70) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Ethiopia has arrested a man trying to smuggle 8kg of cannabis in lampshades. Guess he really wanted to light up |
(19) |
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Colorado first hit with a major snowfall now has 20' piles of tumbleweeds "invading" the town. What's next? The dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? |
(53) |
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Todays "Man shoots teenager for his gold teeth" story brought to you by guess which state? |
(81) |
| (Some Guy) |
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The top mystery photos of 2006 |
(82) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photoshop these runners |
(48) |
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Schwarzenegger breaks leg while skiing. Temporarily halts search for Sarah Connor |
(72) |
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Cool Christmas movies you've never seen |
(82) |
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Lion House at San Francisco Zoo closes after Siberian tiger attempts impromptu production of "Get In Mah Belly" with keeper |
(33) |
| (Some Guy) |
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Photo gallery of mommy tiger and adopted litter of piglets. Final pic has tiger cub nursing from mommy pig. Sappy tag beats out Weird tag, but just barely |
(49) |
| (Pantagraph) |
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Couple arrested for following UPS driver, stealing the packages he left behind |
(90) |
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Shopping late? Buy the gift of TotalFark - free shipping, delivery before Christmas |
(1139) |
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Who can take a mugging? Sprinkle it with guns? Cover it with bullets and a funeral or two? |
(41) |
![[Xmas Stuff]](http://img.fark.com/images/2004/misc/wishlists.gif)
