Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for '2003-10-05 23:59:59'

(Marin Independent Journal)

# of Comments

Women try for breastfeeding record. Men stand close by to sneek a peek

Cubs beat Braves 5 to 1

(172)

(News and Observer)

Man who crashed into pizzeria says he wasn't posing proudly in news photo, just leaning on the car with hurt leg (with pic)

(KRNV)

1. Expose yourself to a busload of children. 2. ??? 3. Profit.

(54)

McDonald's to introduce new, all white-meat Chicken McNugget with less fat, fewer calories and, therefore, less flavor

(148)

Hurricane Isabel (God?) forces Amish to seek mechanical help. "Our bishops are broad-minded, if they need to be."

(Thank god for italian TV)

Sickly pope elevates 3 to sainthood. St. Incontinencia, St. Bedsore and St. Deathbed report to their new post Monday

(159)

German beer fans down six swimming pools. Toilets surrender

(37)

(Some Ripley's)

Create your own Ripley's "Believe It or Not" facts. Link goes to examples

(175)

BoSox tie up the series - Go, Sox, GO

(376)

Croatian hottie Nina Moric....fap fap fap NSFW

Anyone lose an arm?

Media decides to shut up for once?

(184)

Crew saves helicopter by jettisoning eight soldiers

(110)

(nasa.gov)

Comparison of satellite pictures of perennial sea ice from ten years ago show dramatic shrinking. Learn to swim

(177)

The history of bird flipping

Adopt-a-pet scheme in Harlem under review. Two tigers, two rottweilers, an alligator and a tarantula deemed slightly excessive for second floor appartment

(ScienceDaily)

Fat not linked to strokes. Your family wants steak

AudioEdit these sounds from Blazing Saddles. You don't have to admit you like it

(38)

Kicker, whose longest field goal is just 27 yards, kicks 69 yard extra point

(WMTW.com)

North Koreans arrested for printing fake $1 million bills. They acually passed off 500 of them

If you consider Radiohead to the the world's greatest band, would you also consider "dirrty" a good song?

(248)

Male birth control coming. Lack of uterus, ovaries, vagina apparently not enough

Today's church shooting brought to you by Atlanta, GA.

(98)

Wherefore art thou Romeoooooo. Tiger mauls Roy. And of course, Bob Hope dead at 100. Survey: What headline have you been waiting your whole Fark life to submit? (link goes almost nowhere)

(378)

(Sunday Mirror)

Jude Law to play Pope John Paul II in an Italian TV movie

(19)

MN School board changes firearms policy: Students won't be allowed to bring their own guns to school

FBI Investigates Game Hack. Game Co. president issues lengthy press release: “… This sucks.”

Adctd 2 txt msgn? Why not chk n 2 drg n alchol clnc

Man to sit in bath of baked beans with chips up his nose and sausages strapped to his head for 12 days to celebrate English culture. New culture to grow all over his body

Norwegian men fattest in Europe

streakers lose due to bad ball control

(14)

Great shot of Bush to photoshop

(140)

Airport concourse sealed off, flights delayed after FBI agent forgets gun and credentials in restaurant

(26)

In Japan, you can finally put your own picture on a postage stamp

(17)

A fish called Onda; Koi carp born with name on it's back (w/pics)

(48)

Israel attacks Syria. France surrenders

(430)

(Some Masshole)

Red Sox con win from unsuspecting A's

(72)

600-pound tiger and 5-foot alligator removed from Manhattan apartment after coming up short on rent

(26)

Keene New Hampshire has challenged Portland Maine to a contest of the most lighted Jack-O-Lanterns, the record is 23,727 carved, lighted pumpkins

(Helsinki Sanomat)

Warm up your recorders because people are too lazy to change default passwords future technology might put your neighbors doing porn on your TV

Photoshop Donald O'Conner and Gene Kelly getting high

Happy images make depressed people sadder. Go out and tell depressed people you shot their dog to cheer them up

Thailand to use nibbling lab rats to prevent food poisoning during APEC summit. Cooks confused as to why some of their rice grains are brown

(News12.com)

It's probably not a good idea to burn pentagrams into the greens of a golf course, especially when the cops are waiting for you with night vision devices

(58)

(TDN)

Police arrest tresspasser leaping like Spider Man, from roof top to roof top

(28)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Sat October 04, 2003:

# of Comments

(ENWorld)

Trogdor - Cross-stitch style

(Some Trekkie)

It's...the...Kirk...vs. Picard...flash game. An overly dramatic...FIGHT...to the DEATH.

(88)

(Santa Cruz Sentinel)

Lawsuit targets stores that cater to "huffing" teens.

Poet Robert Frost's house in New Hampshire vandilized with anti-Arnold propaganda. What?

(93)

Donkey passport a pain in the ass for police

(15)

Drinking new kind of orange juice will help fight cholesterol, or you can just stop eating like a farking pig

After high-speed chase, James Bond pleads "not guilty" to DUI. Police reportedly shaken, not stirred

(Press and Journal)

What's 15 feet high, weighs 1,000kg, is made of popcorn and looks like Godzilla? If you said "a 15ft, 1,000kg, popcorn statue of Godzilla," go to the head of the class

Al Gore might buy his own T.V. station. Only because he invented those, too

(196)

Nice boobies courtesy of KISW (not safe for work)

One man suggests answering machines instead of the Do Not Call list. "Sure, the phone rings a lot during dinner time, but with an answering machine, you never have to pick it up)

(142)

Photoshop an elaborate way to get a link approved

13-year-old mother calls for better sex education

(134)

Cedar Point to screw the antiques

Band-Aid Bandit has struck again, two banks within 13 minutes of each other, Police say this time he wore a bandage over his chin

(19)

How to Grab a Boob.... errrrrr... How to Build a Small Block Chevy Engine (not safe for work)

(104)

Naked photographer points and shoots again

Frogs fall from the sky in connecticuit -- well, they will be frogs in about a month (with pic)

(40)

Bruce Willis offers $1 million reward for Saddams capture

(¾)

Man attempting to walk the length of Britain wearing just boots and a hat has been arrested again, naked, again

(13)

Amazingly, 'Jerry Springer: The Opera' isn't faring well

(18)

TV presenter hit in the privates on air, the Sun is there

Sony set to unveil its kickass PSX (which includes a TV tuner, DVD & HD recorder and PS2 all in one convenient package) next week

(santacruzsentinel.com)

100-foot geyser erupts in Santa Cruz street

(43)

Catering to fatasses becoming big business. "Businesses that don't cater to us are stupid. There are a lot of us, and we have a lot of money to spend." Plus we'll eat you if you don't

(163)

Grad students do physics study to discover why cookies break apart

(64)

(Post-Dispatch)

Unlikely HERO tag recipient Charter Cable sues RIAA to block user subpoenas

Drug smugglers now concealing cocaine inside live dogs

(40)

(Abilene Reporter News)

Bull rider vs. Bull. Bull wins. Plans to share prize money with Roy's tiger

Theme: We're all bored with cats, dogs, fish and pot-belly pigs, so design a new breed of house pet. Link goes to a pet adoption site

(158)

(boston channel)

Finding dead skunk pretty easy, putting skunk in friends car stupid, contracting rabies from skunk priceless

Tokyo mulls crackdown on schoolgirls' 'soiled undies' shops

(59)

(channel cincinnati)

Police arrest 119 high school morons painting their school colors on a rock

(66)

Another Suicide Boming in Israel

(293)

Brothers learn why swimming through water main 96ft below ground is not advised

Jessica Biel signs on for Blade 3...Fappity Fap Fap Fappiroo...

(105)

Upcoming Fark parties: Halifax and southeast Virginia. Contact Zeke with any others

(20)

Italy is forced to pay families to have more children due to low birth rates

Library books get their very own "Mark of the Beast."

Learn how to take over the world in 15 easy lessons

Researchers say humming relieves hayfever; RIAA reserves right to file charges at a later date

Ancient volcanic eruption recorded in turtle DNA

(37)

Help farker Dtinferno come up with a hook for his college radio show. Show is called "In the Pit" and will play punk and ska music

(Canadian Beer is Better)

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Dwight Gooden's teenage son was arrested and charged with selling crack

(38)

Beer coming to theatres, popcorn surrenders

(86)

Tiger attacks throat of Roy of 'Siegfried and Roy'

Town trying to decide if stench is caused by mushroom plant, landfills or pet cemeteries

(25)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Fri October 03, 2003:

# of Comments

(The Indy Channel)

AFLAC billboard prompts 911 call, fire deparment dispatched to rescue dummy

(49)

(Seacoast Online)

If you open a candy store as a front for your illegal gambling operation, be sure to have candy available for sale

More Monica Belluci (not safe for work)

(NBC San Diego)

Family angry over 500-pound woman's burial: "They asked me to lay on the top of the casket to try to get the lock down"

(145)

(Some Hoodlum)

Ghettopoly: Who needs a dog, a train, houses and hotels, when you can have pimps, hoes, crack houses and projects?

(San Diego Union Tribune)

(Scranton Times Tribune)

University of Scranton cheerleaders' tales of drinking and oral sex a hoax. Prospective male students: "Shucks"

(72)

Parents get their mullets in a twist over school's "Redneck Day"

(118)

Couple arrested for having sex on their front lawn. The Smoking Gun is there, with mugshots

(180)

U.S. has smallest Navy since before WWI, so it's going to be very difficult to crush the world's other super-navies with the pathetic fleet we have now

(228)

Verisign shuts down controversial SiteFinder service

(94)

(Rocky Mountain News)

Catholics outraged that sculpture of clergyman looks like a penis

(158)

Hydrocarbon lakes discovered on Titan

(FEC)

Is Hillary is running for President in '04? 1) Click on "Citizen Guide" 2) Click on "View Reports" under the "Campaign Finance Information" header on the right 3) Click "Search the Report Image System" 4) Search for

(165)

Mother sets baby down behind Walgreen's dumpster, claims she just set it down to "go and talk with a friend"

Las Vegas abandons plans to become family friendly and embraces adult entertainment

(Calgary, Dude!)

Photoshop "The Three Tims" from the Calgary Fark Party. Difficulty: Beer

(174)

(NBC6.com)

Police arrest man for murder after catching him draging his victim down the sidewalk in a duffel bag

Boston merchants demand that tourists stop quacking

(107)

Men who want more heat in their love lives might want to grab a mop and bucket

(149)

Secret high-tech surveillance was invented to combat the greatest terrorist threat to the British Empire: Women who wanted to vote

(45)

Black bear really likes David Letterman's whiskey, visits home for third time

(22)

Time once again for the annual Saturday Night Live Sucks articles

(167)

Despite civil war, famine and a thriving spam scam, study says Nigerians are the happiest people in the world

(53)

When prepping your $400k home for sale, remove the kiddie porn first

(122)

After having your testicles crushed following a spat with your wife over the amount of money you spend on booze, please seek medical help

Students spread stolen mercury around school; run for lives when it assembles into T1000

(98)

(enquirer.com)

Buried in latest defense appropriations bill: Decommissioned nuclear submarine for Newport, KY: the USS Narwahl. Plan to destroy Indiana casino riverboats

Courtney Love arrested for being bigger pain in the ass than usual

(Rochester Democrat and Chronicl

Hoping to connect with other young Catholics, diocese starts Theology on Tap meetings weekly at the local bar

Vibrating shoes may keep the elderly from falling down, unless they want to

(28)

Thousands of police like Ultima bulletproof vests because they're lightweight and flexible. Unfortunately, they're also not bulletproof

Man jailed for two months when talc power is confused for cocaine

(36)

Phillip Morris settles lawsuit in which smoldering cigarette causes car to become engulfed in flame, burning toddler

(135)

"Groping was once a solitary activity, but now thanks to the Internet..."

Tropical Storm Larry closes Mexican ports. Must be a serious hurricane because it's named after Jesus's brother, Larry Christ

(Improb.com)

2003 Ig-nobel prize winners announced

(DenverPost.com)

Father guilty of attempting to start up local "Pot with Tots" program

Rustlers take 21 kudzu-eating sheep who had just been innoculated to sicken anything that would consume them

(51)

If a drawbridge is being opened, it's not a good idea to try and run across it

(85)

Is God a Cubs fan?

(115)

(Tampa Tantrum)

Boobies for a cause: Blogger girls lose shirts to raise breast cancer awareness (not safe for work)

(122)

Radio host apologizes for comparing zoo's escaped gorilla to inner-city students who use a voluntary-busing program

(359)

When robbing store, don't pull off your mask until AFTER you leave (w/pics)

36-year-old probation officer charged for drinking wine, smoking weed and having sex with 17-year-old parolee

(97)

Since the World Council of Churches increased business 250 percent, Australian brothels predict massive boom in business for Rugby World Cup

(Everything Alabama)

Possible unethical behavior by lawyers believed to be the cause of arbitration award for mobile-home damage exceeding original damage estimate by $485,000

(32)

Reality show applicants tend to be overly naive

(62)

Crosswind blows Chuck "The Right Stuff" Yeager off runway while taxiing at new airport where he was guest of honor

Late-night dog walk turns up five-foot boa constrictor

Housekeeper awarded £3,000 after being fired for being too ugly

(59)

Cities consider charging GOP for extra costs incurred during fundraiser visits by President Bush

(211)

Woman tries to befriend home robber by offering beer

"Very few people know that there was a naked woman on board the Mir space station"

We have "truth in advertising" laws. What if there were a law about what you hear when you're on hold?

(23)

Classic Halloween costumes from yesteryear

(109)

Kid photographs an enormous fireball in the sky (with pic)

Theme: Not an everyday thing you see a family watching together

(155)

Newlywed couple shocked to return home from honeymoon to find half a car on the roof of their garage

Drunk vicar found driving on motorway four times over the limit let off because he's so well loved

(32)

Nude paintings in Nevada government building considered too controversial. Officials talk it over at local brothel...

Godwin's Law invoked in California recall election. France surrenders

(240)

Broadcasters who pulled St. Patrick's Day sex stunt fined $357,000

(106)

Bruce Willis deemed too old to enlist in Gulf War

(121)

Despite being $30 million in debt, Mike Tyson still pays 18 grand a month on clothes

(86)

(Sun Journal)

Man resigns after lying on resume. Claimed he was awarded the Navy Cross and was on the 1968 U.S. Olympic hockey team

(Knoxville News Sentinel)

(Newsfilter.org)

Somehow these photos got omitted from Madonna's kiddy book (not safe for work)

(148)

Theme: Ineffective PETA campaigns

(122)

Tennessee Dept. of Transportation opens driver hotline, profanity ensues

San Francisco Bay Area Fark party: Because life is short and there's beer left

(155)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Thu October 02, 2003:

# of Comments

(Duluth News Tribune)

Two college students convert a Volkswagen to run on fryer fat and will take a road trip out west with it

(125)

(11 Alive)

"Crown Royal" bandit -- who often smells of alcohol and uses cloth Crown Royal bag for his loot -- strikes 26th bank

(56)

"Junk Man" arrested again during yard cleanup

Pizza restaurant puts coupons that look like parking tickets on windshields. Hilarity ensues

Britney Spears can't find her pants, appears on cover of Esquire magazine (kinda SFW). The Sun is there

(217)

Lowtax (and dog) take the energy bar challenge

(Shacknews)

Half-Life 2 source leaked, Valve says they were h4x0r3d. P1g5 not available for comment

(276)

Am I on fire, or is it just German television?

(Daily Record)

British recreation money is mostly spent on booze

Hubble Telescope finds a sombrero, a horse and a giant sperm in space (with pics)

President Bush strikes oil while drilling on White House lawn

(58)

(sailing.org)

Marijuana added to list of banned substances for competitve yachting

(89)

Brother-sister team grow two prize pumpkins. One named Frodo, the other, Shelob (The pumpkins, not the kids)

The Hope Diamond glows in the dark

(141)

Shark-bite victim's family sues county, says there should have been a warning about the dangers of sharks

(98)

Eddie Izzard to play new Dr. Who. "He has an alien quality," says previous incarnation

(191)

(630 CHED)

Woman receives letter from jail. Puts it down. Paper turns brown. Hazmat team called out to discover colour change related to coffee spill

Woman shoots ex five times on his birthday

Photoshop Bruce Willis rockin' out on his tambourine

(224)

Remains of Xena-like woman found. No sign of platonic life partner

Soldier on leave wins $150 million jackpot

(95)

U.S. Postal Service sues Internet users over declining sales

(64)

Man hijacks a sugar beet truck

Man robbed of his car gets it back squeaky clean after thieves wash and buff it

Monster Texas Dorito nugget crush puny Giant Cheeto!

(151)

Encyclopedia Britannica study concludes that more people need to read Encyclopedia Britannica

(56)

Air Force Academy porn man busted. Orgies rescheduled

(104)

"Do not call" violations being reported, FCC tries to illegally retrieve list from DMA

(169)

(NBA.com)

Former 7' 4" NBA player takes interest in competitive motocross (with pic)

Miami Dolphin's locker-room hot tub possibly causing outbreak of staph infection among players

(56)

Russian roulette to be played live on British TV

(182)

Florida man arrested for animal cruelty after stashing dog in suitcase on Greyhound

Welsh rugby players prepare for World Cup by swimming with sharks

(37)

How TV execs squeeze every little drop of suckiness out of that which already sucks

(127)

Consumer ads can lead to consumer confusion when they use the same picture to promote different products

Supermodel Elle Macpherson checks into rehab clinic after night of partying with Jagger

(90)

One in 10 Britons believe the "Mona Lisa" was painted by Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh: Three believe it was painted by Nat King Cole, two by Bob Hoskins, four say "What's a moaning leaser?"

(111)

(Herald Sun)

Man beats wife with broomstick. Man tells authorities that his wife is an illegal immigrant. Man goes free

(114)

Owner of stolen truck finds it, steals it back

(60)

(Aberdeen News)

Woman, high on crank, lets children play in middle of interstate. Jailarity ensues

(110)

Man who thought he was in hail storm discovers it's a frog storm

Electric company holds pets ransom for unpaid bills: "Let the father answer his daughter's question as to why her favourite cat has been taken away"

(81)

(Science Daily)

Biological basis for creativity linked to mental illness

(202)

North Korea says it's building nukes

(lots)

(newyorkjets.com)

New York Jets prepare to launch new animated show where kids learn important facts from Jet players, like how to be 0-4

(Some Cannibal)

Make a tasty AudioEdit with this veritable buffet of Cannibal: The Musical sounds

Eighty-year-old Canadian shrugs off 40 percent burns as "not a big enough problem to seek immediate medical help"

Beer saves man's life

(86)

Iraq Survey Group suggests no WMDs exist in Iraq

(NY Daily News)

Rush Limbaugh under investigation for drug addiction

One ton of pinto beans, hillbillies and an outhouse race. Arkansas at its finest

(40)

(Edinburgh News)

Scientists develop formula for perfect cheese-and-pickle sandwich

The fall in music sales is directly proportional to the accelerated crap the music industry is producing

(140)

Catherine Bell chair-sex scene from The Brunch Club (not safe for work)

(152)

(Post-Gazette.com)

Pennsylvanians, mark your calendars: Legislators create "Feral Cat Day," "Dairy Farms Appreciation Day," and "John Coltrane Day"

(San Jose Mercury News)

Following emergency surgery to remove his foot from his mouth, Rush Limbaugh resigns from ESPN

Study shows some folk'll never eat a skunk but then again some folk'll, but fewer

(80)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Wed October 01, 2003:

# of Comments

Wyoming search for lost man costs $22K. Turns out he was out burglarizing remote cabins

(23)

(NY Daily News)

Over a thousand Yankee fans show up at yesterday's game with half a ticket, angry when not allowed into the stadium

(The Union Leader)

Kids take principal's bear hostage, demand he admit Red Sox are better than Yankees

"Masterpiece" paintings of Mickey Mouse swiped

Man lights crack pipe despite demands to step out of car after police chase

Man ordered to pay for canine abortion after his mutt gives neighbor's dog a bone

China Airlines pilot too American drunk to fly, but not too Chinese drunk to fly. So that's all right, then

(94)

Neiman Marcus offering His and Her Robots for Christmas, only $400,000 for the pair

(81)

Wal-Mart rattlesnake-bite victim may be lying

(South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

Toddler who survived weeks alone eating condiments is released from hospital; ready for life on a college budget

(165)

Wheelchair-bound Elvis spotted at Graceland, proving without a doubt that The King is still alive (with "unretouched" photo)

(123)

Detective testifies that he forgot about key evidence in his sock drawer that would exonerate two death-row inmates

(80)

Global warming kills 160,000 people every year

(239)

Study finds minimum net income to scrape by for a family of four in SF Bay Area is $70,000 per year

(200)

Thirteen-stone woman breaks leg after trying to blow birthday candles out using her ass

48-hour Internet outage plunges nation into productivity. Lack of Fark blamed

(58)

Billboard of nude woman with four breasts being milked like a cow designed to disturb (w/pic)

(230)

Clark urges ABC to fire Rush

Cop tricks churchgoers into sex acts, tells them it was an undercover sting operation

(99)

(NBC)

Traffic stop leads to man being shot in the ass

You no longer need your employer's permission to get married in China

Cheerleader hazing ritual: Lotsa alcohol and oral sex

(282)

Legislators did not realize how ridiculous their own liquor laws were until they had to plan for a party

(LVSun)

Woman sues casino after her husband gambles away $80k

Today's school shooting brought to you by Sacramento, CA

(166)

(Weekly Standard)

"[Bustamante's sister] strapped on a burrito to her loins and called for white men to come up on stage and take a bite..."

(147)

Study shows only one in 10 students does more than an hour of homework per night

(188)

Norway lifts its ban on forbidden films, releasing such classics as Robocop2, New Jack City and the works of Steven Seagal from censorship

(The New Orleans Channel)

Serial-snuggler surrenders to police. Will now get all the snuggling he wants

Men's brains really are clogged up with semen

(258)

Planetariums upgrade their laser shows and begin playing music other than "Dark Side of the Moon"

(131)

(South Bend Tribune)

Tavern owner worried that new drunk-driving law will encourage people to drink less. Well, duh

(154)

Rapper C-Murder convicted of murder

(395)

Drunk driver caught napping in fast lane with rifle

Fleeing burglar crashes through ceiling, gets shot by naked woman

(171)

Theme: If Fark advertised in the Yellow Pages...

Texas fried oreos, anyone?

(181)

Rich business man threatens to "spank" nanny if she misbehaves

Chinese military sewage used for car wash

Eating 115 M&Ms in three minutes: Good. Doing it with chopsticks: More gooder

P. Diddy to run NYC marathon. Tries desperately to remain in public eye

Wang family forces girl to have sex with dog. Your dog doesn't want tube steak

(132)

(Tom Mabe)

AudioEdit an automated message for telemarketers to listen to when you put them on hold

(22)

(Some_Dew_Freak)

Mountain Dew can kill. Check your safety level with this calculator

(137)

Pentagon's new blimp is 25 times size of Goodyear's

(124)

Police searching for mobile-home scammer (w/pic that makes it all worth it)

"Max" is most popular dog name in NYC. Max wants steak

Why does bending spaghetti break it into three pieces, not two?

(Coschocton Tribune)

ISP shut down because they were charging electicity bills to small guitar shop

Man tracks down his late father-in-law's 1978 Porsche and buys it as birthday gift for his wife

(81)

The FTC refuses to add more numbers to the "do not call" list, so if you didn't add your phone number within the short amount of time you are out of luck

(112)

"To become King, Gill first had to pass an oral test given by a panel of five hoboes. Many of the questions are about experiences that only a seasoned hobo would know"

Mexico's First Lady treated to porn slideshow at conference on treating cancer

(54)

(Omaha.com)

Iowa on the lookout for 12 jailbreaking buffalo

(14)

Woman gets $100,000 after being locked in storage unit for 63 days

(unsolved.com)

Photoshop some improbable solutions to life's greatest mysteries. Link goes to inspiration

(117)

Man bitten by rattlesnake while shopping for shoes at Wal-Mart

Farmers in the desert are angry because they can't get enough water

Musician claims he composes "what the mushrooms sing to him." Hopefully will still be able to hear them from padded cell

Pampers to the rescue of water-soaked books

(23)

Teen has some legal trouble after beating burglar with tire iron, setting him on fire

(186)

Space aliens are here for our toothpaste

(45)

Why do sand particles not erode further into dust?

(61)

(GhanaWeb)

The customer is always right, unless the manager has a knife

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Tue September 30, 2003:

# of Comments

Woman pleads guilty for stalking Jennifer Love Hewitt, bad taste in women

Hey hey. They're shivering in hell... Wood drives in winning run as Cubs win game one

(155)

Man involved in radio cathedral sex stunt dies

Huffington withdraws from Cali gov race. The other 49 states too busy not caring to notice

Man who air-mailed himself from New Jersey to Dallas is released

Louie Anderson in hospital after chest pains. Doctors remove doughnut from his left ventricle

Theme: Childhood nightmares

(256)

(TTR2)

Don't you just love daytime TV? Whoops, no knickers (not safe for work)

Labor union uses nude ads in campaign to boost membership (with not-safe-for-work pic)

(53)

Enron chief refuses to hand over documents on grounds that they prove his guilt

Blizzard releasing new Diablo expansion: Lord of the Dance

They eat blood, carry disease and live in your bed. And they're making a comeback

Many homeowner associations don't allow you to keep 200-pound pigs in your back yard

(22)

Can a giant inflatable building that looks like a hedgehog save a town?

(38)

Son asks for car keys after 'Bama loss. Dad tries to kill son. Jailarity ensues

(97)

(SunSpot.net)

Beer-tap artist carves custom keg pulls upon request, including one of Redskin QB Joe Theismann's nasty broken leg in '85

Gamers think real police should be brought in if their online character is mugged within a game

(228)

(Daily Record)

Scientist tries to kill rival by hiding radioactive materials in his office

Head cardinal: "Pope in a very bad way"

(264)

Johns Hopkins hospitals using creepy robots called Dr. Robot to check on patients (with pic)

(CJAD)

"With that much dope, our drug dog almost had a stroke"

(118)

Mass murderer expresses regret that he didn't use gasoline to kill more people

(90)

Map to Mordor

(164)

Infamous "Junk Man" released from jail to clean yard -- instead moves giant ass statue, items to his roof (with pic of man with head in ass statue)

(109)

If men didn't do the stupid things they do, they would live longer than women

(144)

Brenda Warner wants Kurt traded. St. Louis hair-coloring outlets go into panic-mode

(153)

(GoMemphis)

Plans for Interstate I-69. Cost of replacing stolen signs apparently not considered

(Nature)

Chaos theory reveals why buses never show up on time

(Western Morning News)

Man cleared of drink-driving charge because microcycle was too small

(54)

Crowd topples goalpost, man sues manufacturer for injury

(LVRJ)

Nutjob claims ownership of moon, becomes millionaire

(171)

Scientists discover that sunscreen may not prevent cancer

Spam: This time it's personal

(107)

(Some Cubs Fan)

It might be... it could be... it IS a Harry Caray AudioEdit

(Newsfilter)

Crissy Moran (not safe for work)

Top 10 reasons why men cheat. Come up with some better ones (voting enabled)

(459)

If you are in charge of a high school band, don't perform ”Deutschland Uber Alles”, have a student run across the field waving a Nazi flag on Rosh Hashana.

(297)

(NYDaily)

Idiot art thieves panic and destroy famous Dali painting

Viewership of new TV season is way down. TV execs have dozens have explanations, none of which include the possibility that the shows suck

(218)

(Daily Record)

Vampire killer murders man and eats his head. But he got his soul, so he's got that going for himself

Photoshop Farker's boss's E.T. figure in unlikely locations. All he's seen of it for a year is odd pictures... Link leads to shots of the figure

(123)

(Herald Sun)

Stress may help you live longer. Bobby Knight expected to live forever

(NBC4)

Don't let the court jester handle your finances

(21)

(Middle East Institute)

If the CIA agent's identity is so secret that it's a crime to release it, maybe it shouldn't be freely accessible on the Internet. (Scroll to last line)

(261)

Jay-Z has announced his R to the Tire M to E-ent

(213)

(KSU Collegian)

"In Thursday's Collegian, a mug shot on Page One identified Osama bin Laden as Pat Bosco, our dean of student life"

Kermit the Frog to co-host on Jimmy Kimmel

(127)

How'd you like your stogie rolled between a perfect pair of perky breasts? (not safe for work)

(64)

Coca-Cola plans to use satellites to find U.S. buyers who happen to purchase special cans of Coke containing GPS

(90)

Physical or emotional violence may mean relationship is ending

(Plymouth Herald)

Skateboarders on school roof dislodge deadly asbestos

(newindpress)

William Shatner is big fan of Leonard Nimoy's nudes

(85)

(Examiner)

Bleeding statues turn out to have semi-rational explanation

Ashcroft's Justice Department claims it will launch "full blown investigation" of White House CIA leak, a statement believed by approximately zero people

Woman jailed, forgets to tell anyone about the two-year-old child back at home

(192)

Parents swap child for color TV. Asshat parents didn't even get plasma

(124)

(Some Chick)

Aussie calendar dudes (SFW)

(The Chap)

Trouser Semaphore: For communication in noisy places

X-E reviews the holiest of the holy: Chocolate-flavored marshmallow Peeps bats

(NBC4 Columbus)

Man reports stolen horse in his granddaughter's bedroom

(34)

Officials think people might take anti-obesity more seriously if half the doctors and nurses they see weren't such lard asses

Photoshop these schoolkids amused by a giant pineapple

(80)

(technologyreview.com)

Ten technologies that deserve to die

(366)

Trillian released Yahoo patch today. Non-paying members still have to wait

(59)

(Some mp3 pir8e)

Amazingly, 838 people registered with the RIAA as mp3 pirates. In other news today, the RIAA have sued another 838 people for copyright violations today...

(HoTlook)

Thongs are good... slideshow (not safe for work)

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Space station shows humans could go to Mars

(43)

Vasectomy delays Tube commuters

Dying woman wants to be buried next to husband she killed

(32)

Italian and British men swap sex stories with doctors

(26)

Band vows to defy new law banning onstage suicide

(160)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Mon September 29, 2003:

# of Comments

Sabres sign deal with Satan

(94)

Warrant issued for Lil' Kim for failing to appear in court on pot charges. The Smoking Gun is there

(108)

Photoshop (another) fake Polish euro for Ebay auction

(143)

What's better than the Cirque Du Soliel show in Vegas? The Cirque Du Soliel show naked in Vegas

(69)

(VOA News)

Iran claims enriched uranium at one of their sites must belong to another country. Also claims bag of weed belongs to Holland

(172)

New Hampshire Supreme Court declares garbage to be private

(66)

72-year-old man becomes fastest in his age group to run marathon in under three hours. Successfully thwarted followers by shouting "I'm going left" every few minutes

Stolen six-foot Mr. Potato Head recovered. He's a little ripped and mashed, but is expected to make a full recovery

(Some TF'er)

What was your best Halloween costume ever? Voting enabled. Link goes nowhere special

(441)

(Sports Illustrated)

Sports Illustrated holds Fresh Faces online voting contest for new models. Feel free to vote for Lauren Stengel, local hottie who lives near Fark Central (safe for work)

(76)

More Americans dislike golf and boxing more than they hate soccer

(137)

(Toxic)

Vote on the most sour sour candy you have ever had (link goes to some examples)

(142)

(WKKJ Radio)

Experts called in to check out "one of the top 10 most impressive" crop circles. In other news, construction on the new Bob Evans is coming along just fine

(66)

IBM expands case against SCO

HP's Carly Fiorina once again tops Fortune's list of Most Powerful Women. Celebrates win by firing more employees, buying more useless corporate toys

(85)

Scientists discover that bad economic times may result in lower ratios of male babies being born. In other news, Lifetime predicted to be #1 TV network in 20 years

(48)

(Trivial Pursuit)

Good ol’ Trivial Pursuit now online. Could become biggest time-waster since Fark

(74)

Septuagenarian robber chased from convenience store robbery after 17-year-old worker yells at him

(Right Wing News)

Stupid debating tricks: The most annoying things people do in debates

(272)

Where is the strangest place you ever had sex? Link goes to Glass Fantasy.com (possibly not safe for work). Voting enabled, winner gets $100 prize from GF (contact Drew for the prize)

(Zug)

Zug.com releases grand finale to its RIAA prank. With downloadable mp3

New evidence shows that there are over 10 trillion earth-like planets in the universe, all with their own Starbucks franchises

(154)

Drowsy driving now illegal in New Jersery. Naptime ensues

(NY Daily News)

President Bush's uncle likes to give out remote-control fart machines as gifts

(PetFinder)

All the pets you might need... from snakes to "small and furry"

American undertakers offer "super-size" coffins. "Would you like to fry with that?"

(121)

The Topless Academy Guide to Bartending (not safe for work)

Lawsuit for mislabeled low-fat ice cream settled for more ice cream

Six-foot tall, 150-pound Mr. Potato Head statue missing

It is now illegal to conduct a suicide for commercial or entertainment purposes, and to host, promote and sell tickets for such an event

AudioEdit theme: A meeting of your favorite movie characters. Link goes to sound clips of Bogart

(30)

Man discovers he has lost his licence -- lets nine-year-old kid drive to school instead

(45)

Zoo in danger of extinction gets help from rock band. Unfortunately, it's Jefferson Starship

Children named after brands. In the year 2000, 49 children were named Canon, followed by 11 Bentleys, five Jaguars and a Xerox

(π)

Scientists give high-heels the all clear

Judge found drunk and disorderly in kebab shop

(63)

Australia increasing maximum weight reading for bathroom scales

(62)

(Western Morning News)

S Club's Rachel won't lock toilet door

(116)

Man feels too drunk to drive, so he parks car to sleep it off. Cop busts him for DWI anyway

Homestar puppet show

(154)

China angry after hundreds of Japanese tourists hold one hell of an orgy

A Kentucky Salvation Army charging homeless families to live in the shelter

Creative ways to annoy your ex. No. 34: Marry four women at once

(Press and Journal)

Man plans to walk through Loch Ness underwater

Justice ministry of Indonesia wants to criminalize hummers, non-marital sex and sorcery

(227)

Woman is angry after it took police 12 hours to respond to her 911 shooting call

(Bozeman Daily Chronicle)

David Letterman may have secretly wed his girlfriend weeks ago while media was obsessed with J-Lo and her two large asses

(51)

(Greenville Online)

Cashier tells man he can't get beer on Sunday. Man says "watch me" as he grabs a case

(257)

Teen dupes people all over Spain into buying cell phone, mails them a brick instead

(43)

Is it a good idea or a bad idea to refinance student loans?

Justin Timberlake wins black music award

(110)

Strip mall landlord joins PETA, declares ban on insecticides. Infestation ensues

(123)

Philly police catch woman leaving The Vet with a toilet seat around her neck

Singapore radio station fined for simulating orgasm on-air. Faking it off-air apparently still OK

61-year-old shoeshine man donates $89,000 in tips to local hospital

(Some Math Guy)

How to use iocaine powder to win at Rock Paper Scissors

(113)

How to master test taking without technically cheating

(Grand Forks Hearld)

World's oldest man gets hip with the kids, dies at 114

Gorilla goes gonzo, grabs girl. Guys get gun, gorilla goes goodnight