Drew Curtis' FARK.com -- Archives for '2003-10-05 23:59:59'

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Gang Wars	55
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Alchemy	18
Bejeweled	70
Marbles	35

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To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Sun October 05, 2003:

SUBMIT A LINK

# of Comments

(Marin Independent Journal)

Women try for breastfeeding record. Men stand close by to sneek a peek

(33)

Cubs beat Braves 5 to 1

(172)

(News and Observer)

Man who crashed into pizzeria says he wasn't posing proudly in news photo, just leaning on the car with hurt leg (with pic)

(44)

(KRNV)

1. Expose yourself to a busload of children. 2. ??? 3. Profit.

(54)

McDonald's to introduce new, all white-meat Chicken McNugget with less fat, fewer calories and, therefore, less flavor

(148)

Hurricane Isabel (God?) forces Amish to seek mechanical help. "Our bishops are broad-minded, if they need to be."

(96)

Sickly pope elevates 3 to sainthood. St. Incontinencia, St. Bedsore and St. Deathbed report to their new post Monday

(159)

German beer fans down six swimming pools. Toilets surrender

(37)

(Some Ripley's)

Create your own Ripley's "Believe It or Not" facts. Link goes to examples

(175)

BoSox tie up the series - Go, Sox, GO

(376)

(Thank god for italian TV)

Croatian hottie Nina Moric....fap fap fap NSFW

(79)

Anyone lose an arm?

(47)

Media decides to shut up for once?

(184)

Crew saves helicopter by jettisoning eight soldiers

(110)

(nasa.gov)

Comparison of satellite pictures of perennial sea ice from ten years ago show dramatic shrinking. Learn to swim

(177)

The history of bird flipping

(73)

Adopt-a-pet scheme in Harlem under review. Two tigers, two rottweilers, an alligator and a tarantula deemed slightly excessive for second floor appartment

(35)

(ScienceDaily)

Fat not linked to strokes. Your family wants steak

(46)

(Some Guy)

AudioEdit these sounds from Blazing Saddles. You don't have to admit you like it

(38)

Kicker, whose longest field goal is just 27 yards, kicks 69 yard extra point

(39)

(WMTW.com)

North Koreans arrested for printing fake $1 million bills. They acually passed off 500 of them

(41)

If you consider Radiohead to the the world's greatest band, would you also consider "dirrty" a good song?

(248)

Male birth control coming. Lack of uterus, ovaries, vagina apparently not enough

(100)

Today's church shooting brought to you by Atlanta, GA.

(98)

Wherefore art thou Romeoooooo. Tiger mauls Roy. And of course, Bob Hope dead at 100. Survey: What headline have you been waiting your whole Fark life to submit? (link goes almost nowhere)

(378)

(Sunday Mirror)

Jude Law to play Pope John Paul II in an Italian TV movie

(19)

(Some Guy)

MN School board changes firearms policy: Students won't be allowed to bring their own guns to school

(57)

FBI Investigates Game Hack. Game Co. president issues lengthy press release: “… This sucks.”

(73)

Adctd 2 txt msgn? Why not chk n 2 drg n alchol clnc

(33)

Man to sit in bath of baked beans with chips up his nose and sausages strapped to his head for 12 days to celebrate English culture. New culture to grow all over his body

(24)

Norwegian men fattest in Europe

(31)

streakers lose due to bad ball control

(14)

Great shot of Bush to photoshop

(140)

Airport concourse sealed off, flights delayed after FBI agent forgets gun and credentials in restaurant

(26)

In Japan, you can finally put your own picture on a postage stamp

(17)

A fish called Onda; Koi carp born with name on it's back (w/pics)

(48)

Israel attacks Syria. France surrenders

(430)

(Some Masshole)

Red Sox con win from unsuspecting A's

(72)

600-pound tiger and 5-foot alligator removed from Manhattan apartment after coming up short on rent

(26)

Keene New Hampshire has challenged Portland Maine to a contest of the most lighted Jack-O-Lanterns, the record is 23,727 carved, lighted pumpkins

(33)

(Helsinki Sanomat)

Warm up your recorders because people are too lazy to change default passwords future technology might put your neighbors doing porn on your TV

(57)

Photoshop Donald O'Conner and Gene Kelly getting high

(103)

Happy images make depressed people sadder. Go out and tell depressed people you shot their dog to cheer them up

(100)

Thailand to use nibbling lab rats to prevent food poisoning during APEC summit. Cooks confused as to why some of their rice grains are brown

(24)

(News12.com)

It's probably not a good idea to burn pentagrams into the greens of a golf course, especially when the cops are waiting for you with night vision devices

(58)

(TDN)

Police arrest tresspasser leaping like Spider Man, from roof top to roof top

(28)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Sat October 04, 2003:

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# of Comments

(ENWorld)

Trogdor - Cross-stitch style

(46)

(Some Trekkie)

It's...the...Kirk...vs. Picard...flash game. An overly dramatic...FIGHT...to the DEATH.

(88)

(Santa Cruz Sentinel)

Lawsuit targets stores that cater to "huffing" teens.

(68)

Poet Robert Frost's house in New Hampshire vandilized with anti-Arnold propaganda. What?

(93)

Donkey passport a pain in the ass for police

(15)

Drinking new kind of orange juice will help fight cholesterol, or you can just stop eating like a farking pig

(83)

(Some Guy)

After high-speed chase, James Bond pleads "not guilty" to DUI. Police reportedly shaken, not stirred

(41)

(Press and Journal)

What's 15 feet high, weighs 1,000kg, is made of popcorn and looks like Godzilla? If you said "a 15ft, 1,000kg, popcorn statue of Godzilla," go to the head of the class

(42)

Al Gore might buy his own T.V. station. Only because he invented those, too

(196)

(Some Guy)

Nice boobies courtesy of KISW (not safe for work)

(77)

(Statesman Journal)

One man suggests answering machines instead of the Do Not Call list. "Sure, the phone rings a lot during dinner time, but with an answering machine, you never have to pick it up)

(142)

(Some Guy)

Photoshop an elaborate way to get a link approved

(91)

13-year-old mother calls for better sex education

(134)

Cedar Point to screw the antiques

(41)

Band-Aid Bandit has struck again, two banks within 13 minutes of each other, Police say this time he wore a bandage over his chin

(19)

How to Grab a Boob.... errrrrr... How to Build a Small Block Chevy Engine (not safe for work)

(104)

(Some Guy)

Naked photographer points and shoots again

(35)

Frogs fall from the sky in connecticuit -- well, they will be frogs in about a month (with pic)

(40)

Bruce Willis offers $1 million reward for Saddams capture

(¾)

Man attempting to walk the length of Britain wearing just boots and a hat has been arrested again, naked, again

(13)

Amazingly, 'Jerry Springer: The Opera' isn't faring well

(18)

TV presenter hit in the privates on air, the Sun is there

(41)

Sony set to unveil its kickass PSX (which includes a TV tuner, DVD & HD recorder and PS2 all in one convenient package) next week

(84)

(santacruzsentinel.com)

100-foot geyser erupts in Santa Cruz street

(43)

Catering to fatasses becoming big business. "Businesses that don't cater to us are stupid. There are a lot of us, and we have a lot of money to spend." Plus we'll eat you if you don't

(163)

Grad students do physics study to discover why cookies break apart

(64)

(Post-Dispatch)

Unlikely HERO tag recipient Charter Cable sues RIAA to block user subpoenas

(78)

Drug smugglers now concealing cocaine inside live dogs

(40)

(Abilene Reporter News)

Bull rider vs. Bull. Bull wins. Plans to share prize money with Roy's tiger

(83)

(Some Guy)

Theme: We're all bored with cats, dogs, fish and pot-belly pigs, so design a new breed of house pet. Link goes to a pet adoption site

(158)

(boston channel)

Finding dead skunk pretty easy, putting skunk in friends car stupid, contracting rabies from skunk priceless

(44)

Tokyo mulls crackdown on schoolgirls' 'soiled undies' shops

(59)

(channel cincinnati)

Police arrest 119 high school morons painting their school colors on a rock

(66)

Another Suicide Boming in Israel

(293)

Brothers learn why swimming through water main 96ft below ground is not advised

(103)

Jessica Biel signs on for Blade 3...Fappity Fap Fap Fappiroo...

(105)

Upcoming Fark parties: Halifax and southeast Virginia. Contact Zeke with any others

(20)

Italy is forced to pay families to have more children due to low birth rates

(67)

Library books get their very own "Mark of the Beast."

(55)

Learn how to take over the world in 15 easy lessons

(35)

Researchers say humming relieves hayfever; RIAA reserves right to file charges at a later date

(35)

Ancient volcanic eruption recorded in turtle DNA

(37)

(Some Guy)

Help farker Dtinferno come up with a hook for his college radio show. Show is called "In the Pit" and will play punk and ska music

(78)

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Dwight Gooden's teenage son was arrested and charged with selling crack

(38)

(Canadian Beer is Better)

Beer coming to theatres, popcorn surrenders

(86)

Tiger attacks throat of Roy of 'Siegfried and Roy'

(∞)

Town trying to decide if stench is caused by mushroom plant, landfills or pet cemeteries

(25)

To read articles, click the icon left of the entry. Rinse. Repeat. Wipe hands on pants.

Fri October 03, 2003:

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# of Comments

(The Indy Channel)

AFLAC billboard prompts 911 call, fire deparment dispatched to rescue dummy

(49)

(Seacoast Online)

If you open a candy store as a front for your illegal gambling operation, be sure to have candy available for sale

(44)

(Some Guy)

More Monica Belluci (not safe for work)

(83)

(NBC San Diego)

Family angry over 500-pound woman's burial: "They asked me to lay on the top of the casket to try to get the lock down"

(145)

(Some Hoodlum)

Ghettopoly: Who needs a dog, a train, houses and hotels, when you can have pimps, hoes, crack houses and projects?

(96)

(Scranton Times Tribune)

University of Scranton cheerleaders' tales of drinking and oral sex a hoax. Prospective male students: "Shucks"

(72)

Parents get their mullets in a twist over school's "Redneck Day"

(118)

Couple arrested for having sex on their front lawn. The Smoking Gun is there, with mugshots

(180)

(San Diego Union Tribune)

U.S. has smallest Navy since before WWI, so it's going to be very difficult to crush the world's other super-navies with the pathetic fleet we have now

(228)

Verisign shuts down controversial SiteFinder service

(94)

(Rocky Mountain News)

Catholics outraged that sculpture of clergyman looks like a penis

(158)

Hydrocarbon lakes discovered on Titan

(77)

(FEC)

Is Hillary is running for President in '04? 1) Click on "Citizen Guide" 2) Click on "View Reports" under the "Campaign Finance Information" header on the right 3) Click "Search the Report Image System" 4) Search for

(165)

Mother sets baby down behind Walgreen's dumpster, claims she just set it down to "go and talk with a friend"

(57)

Las Vegas abandons plans to become family friendly and embraces adult entertainment

(71)

(Calgary, Dude!)

Photoshop "The Three Tims" from the Calgary Fark Party. Difficulty: Beer

(174)

(NBC6.com)

Police arrest man for murder after catching him draging his victim down the sidewalk in a duffel bag

(44)

Boston merchants demand that tourists stop quacking

(107)

Men who want more heat in their love lives might want to grab a mop and bucket

(149)

Secret high-tech surveillance was invented to combat the greatest terrorist threat to the British Empire: Women who wanted to vote

(45)

Black bear really likes David Letterman's whiskey, visits home for third time

(22)

Time once again for the annual Saturday Night Live Sucks articles

(167)

Despite civil war, famine and a thriving spam scam, study says Nigerians are the happiest people in the world

(53)

When prepping your $400k home for sale, remove the kiddie porn first

(122)

After having your testicles crushed following a spat with your wife over the amount of money you spend on booze, please seek medical help

(52)

Students spread stolen mercury around school; run for lives when it assembles into T1000

(98)

(enquirer.com)

Buried in latest defense appropriations bill: Decommissioned nuclear submarine for Newport, KY: the USS Narwahl. Plan to destroy Indiana casino riverboats

(82)

Courtney Love arrested for being bigger pain in the ass than usual

(96)

(Rochester Democrat and Chronicl

Hoping to connect with other young Catholics, diocese starts Theology on Tap meetings weekly at the local bar

(82)

Vibrating shoes may keep the elderly from falling down, unless they want to

(28)

Thousands of police like Ultima bulletproof vests because they're lightweight and flexible. Unfortunately, they're also not bulletproof

(55)

Man jailed for two months when talc power is confused for cocaine

(36)

Phillip Morris settles lawsuit in which smoldering cigarette causes car to become engulfed in flame, burning toddler

(135)

"Groping was once a solitary activity, but now thanks to the Internet..."

(44)

Tropical Storm Larry closes Mexican ports. Must be a serious hurricane because it's named after Jesus's brother, Larry Christ

(67)

(Improb.com)

2003 Ig-nobel prize winners announced

(41)

(DenverPost.com)

Father guilty of attempting to start up local "Pot with Tots" program

(92)

Rustlers take 21 kudzu-eating sheep who had just been innoculated to sicken anything that would consume them

(51)

If a drawbridge is being opened, it's not a good idea to try and run across it

(85)

Is God a Cubs fan?

(115)

(Tampa Tantrum)

Boobies for a cause: Blogger girls lose shirts to raise breast cancer awareness (not safe for work)

(122)

Radio host apologizes for comparing zoo's escaped gorilla to inner-city students who use a voluntary-busing program

(359)

When robbing store, don't pull off your mask until AFTER you leave (w/pics)

(24)

36-year-old probation officer charged for drinking wine, smoking weed and having sex with 17-year-old parolee

(97)

Since the World Council of Churches increased business 250 percent, Australian brothels predict massive boom in business for Rugby World Cup

(29)

(Everything Alabama)

Possible unethical behavior by lawyers believed to be the cause of arbitration award for mobile-home damage exceeding original damage estimate by $485,000

(32)

Reality show applicants tend to be overly naive

(62)

Crosswind blows Chuck "The Right Stuff" Yeager off runway while taxiing at new airport where he was guest of honor

(78)

Late-night dog walk turns up five-foot boa constrictor

(24)

Housekeeper awarded £3,000 after being fired for being too ugly

(59)